#cod headcanons

PDA is way off the table, even around his mates, for the most part, he looks all but indifferent to you. Especially at the beginning of your relationship. The only indication that he has some regard for you is that he had a tendency to stare.

On your first dates, he would stare. He would speak quietly, and in short sentences. If you didn’t know Simon as a person like you did (you were introduced by a mutual friend before you started dating) there wouldn’t be a second date.

But he’s not. His eyes were either on you, or checking the exits. He was feeling you out. Observing. Which would be the common theme of most if your dates: in an insignificant spot, his face covered with a surgical mask, watching you like a hawk.

His activities weren’t much better either. His idea of “quality time” is sprawling on the couch, turning on Man Uni and calling you into the room to sit next to him. Sure, bring your phone too, he doesn’t mind. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll probably explain to you what’s happening. Quality time also applied in the car. You were going to listen to his nü metal,and you were going to like it. Maybe, you’d find a calloused hand on your leg.

So, painfully mediocre on the surface level.

But here’s the thing: if you look past his indifference, he will mirror your reciprocations to your interest. Say you’re on the couch before him, and watching Drag Race UK. This time, he’ll sit with you, without complaint. If you’re driving, he’ll listen to whatever you’ll listen to.

Something people tend to overlook about Simon is how guarded of a man he is. Even around people he’s supposed to trust with his life. (For the most part, he doesn’t trust the 141 with his face.) He’s the kind of man who you truly need to know as a person and know that his aloofness is not personal. It’s him protecting himself.

He’s the kind of boyfriend that rehearses what he wants to say to you someday when you fall asleep against his arm. The type who isn’t embarrassed to bring you around his mates, because you’re simply another person close to him. He’s the boyfriend with the perpetual scowl when his partner is next to him, in public, or otherwise, but in actuality, he’s having the time of his life, and is enjoying your company so deeply.

On the outside, a horribly bothered RBF. In reality, on the inside, “this is my bird. I love her so much.”

warnings: +18 meaniesimon!, teasing, reader gets shy, they get nasty to celebrate him coming home from deployment, smut

simon has you on your back.

Your legs are pressed up to your shoulders in a mean mating press. he’s on his knees between your thighs. the moonlight illuminates both of you on the fluffy rug on the floor through the living room window.

you didn’t even make it to the bedroom.

the second he came home and opened the front door, his heavy gaze landed on you. you were lying on the couch, watching trash tv like you do every evening when he’s out at work.

he slipped off his shoes, dropped his duffle and took some steps towards you on the couch.

which landed you both here.

“fuckin ell’ baby, this pussy’s so fuckin pretty” he praised as he taps the strawberry red tip of his cock against your glistening clit.

you were already so wet just from his touches. and he was sickeningly hard, he was breathing heavy just from feeling your wetness stick to him.

“look at us kissin’ baby”

you leaned your neck up a bit to see him rubbing the tip of his cock on your clit in circular motions. clearly taking pleasure in this as a string of his pre cum connected you two each time he taps against you.

“mmh- fuck, so wet for you” you gush shyly looking at how nasty you two were being.

“been waiting all day for this pussy. hardly could wait to get ere” he grumbles as he stares at your pussy in awe. almost as if he couldn’t believe he was really here. your pussy was truly a dream come true to him, and he wanted nothing more than to savor this moment.

you relax into the soft rug as you look up at him. he looks so blissed out and he didn’t even slide in yet.

his normally blank face contorted in an expression of desire as he rubs his tip on your clit repeatedly. letting it mess with the bundle of nerves there before dragging it lower between your pussy lips and letting it catch on your clenching hole. 

“i think m’ mad at ya” he huffs.

easing the head in softly and then pulling back out again. you squeal softly at the brief intrusion. looking at his face as he breathes lowly through his mouth.

“why si?” you ask.

“kept this away from me. should’ve known i would lose my mind without this while on deployment” he groans as if the memories pain him.

“got into some squabbles with the lads, been on edge lately, aven’t been myself… cause’ i been needing this” simon admits lowly while slipping the head in completely this time. sinking lower and lower until he’s half way in and your quivering on the floor trying to steady yourself.

he pulls all the way out again, and goes back to “kissin” your clit with the head of his dick.

you groan miserably at him at from this. his scarred face only twisting into a mischievous smirk from your reaction. “see ow it feels? doesn’t feel good does it sweetheart?” he says flatly as he holds his painfully hard cock.

“m’sorry si” you say softly while batting your lashes. knowing exactly which tone to use to have your way with him. it works every time.

he looks at your faux innocent expression. half of him knows it’s a ploy to get your way, but the other half just doesn’t care and wants to give in to your every whim. and like always, he succumbs to his better nature when it comes to you.

“it’s ok baby—know you didn’t mean to” he lets out a relaxing sigh as he lets the head catch on your warm hole again.

“you’re gonna make it up to me right?” he tilts his head as he looks at you with a blank face, although his eyes are lighted with a cheeky glint.

“…how?” you ask as your heartbeats pick up.

simon leans down over you now, one hand bracing over your shoulder as he uses the other to pull your leg over his shoulder. your lower lip jutting out in a pout instantly as you can tell what kind of night it’s gonna be.

his shoulder shake in a small chuckle, “don’t pout now baby. thought you said you wanted to make me feel better?” he says patronizingly.

he doesn’t wait for an answer as he goes ahead to slip his cock in you. you both gasping in relief as he moves his hips until his balls hit your ass. he leans down over you, his hand gripping the rug over your head as he starts to slowly thrust in you.

his nostrils flaring as he works up to a good pace.

the living room filled with the sounds of your activities. wet squelching noises from him plowing into you and loud—

plap! plap! plap!

noises from your skin slapping constantly. “ah! si!” you moan as you hold his shoulder. enjoying the motions as you relax into this situation. the rug beneath you two growing a wet spot from your juices splashing around.

“what baby? wan’ some kisses?” he looks down at your lips. hinting to you that he wants to kiss you too.

you nod at the idea immediately, knowing that his kisses always take you to a giddy head space. simon just smirks and leans down, going belly to belly with you and forcing your leg back more. you lean up for kisses, but he pulls his mouth away just far enough that you can’t reach him with his weight on you.

“wha-“ you begin when he slowly pulls out.

you watch as he goes to tap the head of his cock on your clit on again, “softest lips i ever felt baby” he smirks looking at your eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

Simon always had trouble sleeping but after the first night you slept on his chest something changed in him, it was the most sleep he had gotten in years and he swears it was better than drug induced sleep. He refused to sleep without you laying on his chest from that day forward, you even bought him a weighted blanket thinking he would like it more, he flat out refused to use it, stating nothing could be better than you, his love. So every night you would climb on top of Simon and he would fall asleep within minutes, you even swore you heard him snoring a few times. 

Honestly the guys didn't believe it, they had seen first hand how Simon struggled with insomnia and how even the strongest meds didn't help him, there was just no way just some pressure would help him so much. So of course you took a video of Simon only 10 minutes after you two layed down, it was the most peaceful any of the guys had seen him, mask off, eyes softly closed, deep breaths coming from his huge frame. The boys are truly shocked, they had never even seen Simon sleep, he just couldn't fall asleep until those around him were sleeping first, so for them to see him sleeping so peacefully with you wide awake on top of him was unfathomable. 

You were honored to be the first person he trusted to fall asleep next to, and you were more than happy to be his personal weighted blanket every night. getting to fall asleep on top of his hulking frame every night was your favorite part of the day 

(since some people seemed confused, Simon is a big dude and a solider solider so no matter your weight he could probably sleep comfortable with you on him, it would add pressure and help with pain, much like real weighted blankets, and even if your weight is on the smaller side, the heaviest weighted blanket you can buy is 50 pounds, so should definitely weigh enough to help him sleep)

chef boyfriend! simon who needs every single dish to look perfect, or it ain't leaving the fucking kitchen.

chef boyfriend! simon who is strict and straightforward in his kitchen in the restaurant, but when he's with you? the biggest softie. it's like he becomes a whole new person.

chef boyfriend! simon who can't cook small portions to save his life. he always cooks enough for like- 12 people. sometimes you invite his friends over, these man can eat the feast your boyfriend cooked in your shared home.

chef boyfriend! simon who shares (some of) his secret recipes with you, you know, the ones no one else is allowed to know or see.

chef boyfriend! simon who calls you his muse when he's experimenting with new dishes. how can he not be inspired when he has someone like you in his life?

chef boyfriend! simon who gently grabs your waist to move you out of the way when he's cooking.

chef boyfriend! simon who knows you love watching him cook at home, so he just sits you on the comfy seats next to the kitchen counter.

chef boyfriend! simon who lifts your chin with flour dusted fingers.

chef boyfriend! simon who hand feeds you a spoonful of something new, wanting to hear your honest opinion.

chef boyfriend! simon who snaps pictures of his pretty dishes and sends them to you.

chef boyfriend! simon who doesn't even know how good he looks when he's cooking at home. sleeves rolled up, apron tied low around his waist and his hair messy. fucking hot. sometimes you don't know what makes you drool more, the delicious food he makes or your delicious looking boyfriend.

chef boyfriend! simon who always brings food when he comes home from the restaurant. the ones for you always have a cute little note with a heart on it.

chef boyfriend! simon who doesn't let you near his kitchen. at least not when he's not around.

chef boyfriend! simon who is happy to teach you how to make certain dishes. he loves it.

chef boyfriend! simon who stands behind you when he's teaching you these recipes, arms around your waist or his bigger hands on your hands to help you cut something up.

chef boyfriend! simon who is the most patient man on the planet if you don't understand what you're doing wrong.

chef boyfriend! simon who doesn't have the heart to tell you he hasn't been teaching you the correct recipe. he just loves when you ask him to do it, because "you just does it better."

At first when you’d asked Simon to move in with you, he seemed excited or well, as excited as Simon allowed himself to show. Yet as it got closer and closer, you weren't so sure.

“You probably won’t ever get a good night’s sleep again. I'll constantly be disrupting it.”

"I have nightmares and night terrors, I’ll probably scare you-"

“I’m such a light sleeper, everything wakes me up and puts me in a panic."

It was almost like he was trying to dissuade you from sticking to your decision, giving you an out in case he was too difficult for you, you knew exactly how his brain worked.

But you loved him, and nothing he was saying was making you change your mind, not even close to it.

You prepared anyway, looked up everything you could with how to handle certain night terrors, best things to say or not say, whether you should wake him up if he’s having a nightmare, everything.

Then the first night came, and you were ready to be woken up at 3am, maybe to Simon shouting or crying or something and you pictured all the things you’d do to calm him down, grab him some tea, maybe gentle reassurances as you wiped his tears, whatever it took. 

But none of that happened.

The first night, he slept the whole way through, completely undisturbed and you would know because ironically you were the one who didn’t sleep the first night. You'd stayed awake, worrying, wanting to make sure he was okay, checking for even a slight twitch or a face of anguish but, nothing.

And then a few days later, on an early Sunday morning, your neighbour had decided to mow the grass. It was unbearably loud and You'd sat up, internally screaming because who chooses 7am to cut grass on a Sunday?

And Simon? Well he was completely out.

You looked at him, wondering if he was pretending for a moment, giving him a little nudge. He'd shuffled a little in his sleep before letting out a few soft snores, it was like he was on another planet.

And it kept happening. He'd sleep through alarms, and not just one or two but enough in a row that you had to turn them off and tell him to wake up. Phone calls too, slept through every ringtone, no matter how loud. Your cat's 4am zoomies? Not even a flinch

You were so confused, he'd worried constantly before moving in about ruining your sleep and now it was like sleeping was second nature to him, which you wouldn't have questioned if not for the repeated warnings of how light of a sleeper he was.

It made no sense, Simon couldn't understand it either, but you were quite happy with it of course, and so was he. Whenever you thought about it for too long, it actually made you smile, there was something sweet about it to you.

Perhaps it was your apartment, the fact that the space was yours, maybe your presence was helping him, you'd even joke it was your cat's soothing company. Or maybe it was the soft sheets, in a bedroom that felt cosy. A proper homely space, one that Simon wasn't quite used to in his old place, all bare walls and no decoration, not even a comfortable mattress, he'd never bothered with anything except the bare minimum.

Whatever it was, he was actually sleeping, peacefully for once, he couldn't remember the last time he was able to say that.