Just posted this from my OpenSalon.com account:
Today I watched "Marley & Me"; and I'm on my period. That's a recipe for disaster.
Not only am I a huge animal person(like, to the point of it being unhealthy), I have a weakness for dogs. My entire family has weaknesses for dogs. It's not my fault I'm such a dog nut to the extreme--it's genetic. Has anybody ever seen that movie "Best in Show"? That's us, minus the purebred dogs. We're all about labs and mutts.
So anyway, "Marley and Me" is a movie about this hyperactive lab and this writer and his family. The writer(played by Owen Wilson) gets a purebred lab puppy on sale. Owen and Jennifer(Jennifer Aniston, his wife in the movie) handle married life with this crazy dog that pretty much eats everything, destroys everything...and then they have kids. And a life. And then the dog dies. And I cry.
When I'm on my period, I am extremely emotional. I am melodramatic, moody, and--the worst part of it--controlled. I hate being that emotional and whiny girl, especially to my loved ones. I never once woken up and said to myself:
"I feel angry and pubescent today, and I don't know why! Grrrr! I'm gonna take it out on people I like!"
So anyway, I feel the way I feel very deeply. But because I grew up with my unemotional(or perhaps extremely emotional) father I learned how ridiculously obnoxious feelings can be to the people around you. So I control them. And it's like this angry little elf in my head that's bipolar, which I'm constantly trying to pack down.
Gas prices going back up to $3.21?
Packpackpackpack-packpack!!
A.'s road rage and ranting about the traffic in KCMO EVERY TIME WE DRIVE ON THE FREEWAY AFTER 4 O' CLOCK?
PackpackpackpackpackpackPACK!!!
So when I'm alone, I let it all hang out. And I was alone today watching "Marley and Me." And I cried. Not just cried, but cried. Like, there was a tear-river and snot bubble accumulation and high-pitched squealing--the kind that only dogs can hear.
Speaking of dogs, do you know who is not sensing her owner's need for comfort and feeling her distress?
"Chodoi! *sniffasniff* CHOOOOOOH-DOh-WEEEEEEE!!!!!"
So she comes running in and I don't even see her(because I have my eyes shut) and she jumps up and licks my snotty nose and my open mouth until I say thank you and give her a pat or two. She then runs back off to the bed and relaxes. I guess she knows that they're not "real" tears.
Later, I calm down and decide I'd better savor every moment I have with my precious Chodoi, so I get up and put on some flats and go for my hoodie. Chodoi can already sense my thoughts when I put on my sweater. She hops off the bed, and sits down, ears perked-up like she knows we're going for a walk.
I clip on her leash and we're out the door, plastic baggie in hand. We walk together in sync like always. I used to take her for a walk every day, but it's been so cold(blizzard-of-the-century-cold) lately that I haven't had the motivation to take her for a nice walk.
The town I live in is pretty small, so Main street is only a few blocks away. We walked and talked, like we used to. Not sure what we started talking about, but it probably had something to do with me apologizing for not walking with her lately. I told her I just didn't have the motivation to with the snow and all.
"Yeah, it has been cold..." Chodoi said, walking a little in front of me.
"I just can't bring myself to get out in that kind of winter...how do you do it?"
"Oh." Insert awkward moment of silence.
"So Chodoi, what do you think of Las Vegas?" She sniffs around. "Chodoi." She turns her head.
"What do you think of Las Vegas?" She yawns and continues to walk. "Oh come on, it's not that bad! I mean, I realize that there's probably not a lot of things to do there for dogs, but for humans it's great."
"Dad went to Vegas for awhile, and so did A's roommates. They had a blast and want to move out there."
"Does that mean A. is going too?"
"Well he asked me to go with him...if I want to, I mean."
"I told him if I was to go before I graduate, then he's gotta put a ring on it."
"What's that mean?" We stopped and crossed a street. I didn't know how to answer.
"It's in the Southwest. You like it there."
"I like it outside. I'm pretty easy to please."
"Yeah, you are..." Another dog barks, and Chodoi's ridge goes up. She tenses and pulls me away. "Let's go, I don't like that guy..."
"I can tell.... Why don't you like him?"
"You can't tell. That's the point."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.
"Other dogs can't see like I can. They can't smell or hear."
The more I thought about it, the more I knew that was right. Even my Priestess in Tucson said Chodoi was special. She held her in her arms when she was a tiny puppy, and handed her back to me. "She's not much now," I rememeber her saying, "But she'll make a fine Demon Hunter someday."
I looked it up in some of the books I had, and on the internet, and all I could find were things on Hellhounds. But then I read something about Familiars--animal guides that helped Witches in their studies. I then mentioned it to another Pagan friend of mine.
"Yeah, my Priestess told me about certain animals that can do that. Cats walk along the side of death and life, so that's why they see spirits. Certain kinds of dogs can bark and send Demons back to the other side."
Four nights later, I was walking Chodoi and I heard a snap. Chodoi suddenly changed--from a sweet puppy to a snarling beast. The ridge on her back went straight up and she began growling. I saw two reflections in the dark, like fireflies. But it was a man's eyes. He smiled at me. He had a bottle in his hand. He was well-dressed, but he was barefoot for some reason.
"Nice necklace," he said. I was wearing a big silver pentacle around my neck that acted like a reflector in the moonlight. Chodoi barked. He reared back and hissed at her. I didn't know if he was on crack or what, but Chodoi barked again and it echoed through the arroyo--he ran away.
Six weeks later, my friend(let's call him Lars) came over--and let me preface this by saying he bleeds purple, is a martial arts prodigy, and has the freakiest tolerance for pain ever. Chodoi scratched him and immediately the scratch when up red. Four days later, the scratch had turned into a scar that he still has to this day. He said that her bark was like shattering glass. My Priestess said "Probably a little Demon in him," she said with a wink.
Chodoi is a special dog. She would growl and bark before a big wind would come. And sometimes when someone would walk by the house, B.B. (my sisters Dachschund mix) would bark his head off and Chodoi would remain calm.
Once, a man walked down the street and stopped to look inside. B.B. was asleep, but Chodoi's ridge went up and she started growling. I peeked out the window. You know how some people just give you a chill? Well, about five minutes later, the police went waltzing by. I read the paper the next morning and the same man had been arrested for....well, something not very nice.
Anyway, Chodoi then started pulling on the leash and said "Someone needs us!"
"What?" I then look up to see a fluffy little Pomeranian puppy come bounding up. Chodoi starts playing with the puppy and trying to get it to come closer. I pick it up as a man comes rushing out one of the houses I live near. I brought the puppy over and the man thanked me.
Chodoi whined a little because she really wanted to play with the little puppy, but she was fine going home.
"So anyway what were you saying?"
"What was I saying about what?" she asked, sitting at the corner while I checked down the street for oncoming traffic.
"You were saying something about other dogs not seeing or hearing...?"
"Oh yeah. I'm just special. I can just smell stuff."
"Bad like they poop in the kitchen?" she asked.
"....No. Bad like they wanna hurt people."
"That guy is staring at you." I look over. The neighbor is sitting on his porch smoking a pipe. I wave.
"Thanks for the heads up... Let's go on more walks."
"I would appreciate that."
"Yeah. But you have to get my fat ass out of the house, okay?"
"Yeah. Deal." And then we got to the front porch and I let her off the leash when we got inside. B.B. and Chodoi went off to play and I sat down to blog. Free-range steak for dinner with sunny-side up farm-fresh eggs. Yum.
