feeling depressed & ruminating about how fandom portrayal stifles or outright fucks multiple of us over. our eridan is an easy, old example, her gender is a joke & her character is constantly derided & shat on. our eternal sugar & pavlova have thier relationship portrayed as abusive half the time, with her frequently clipping his wings or similar to keep him with her. their relationship is rocky yeah, but theyre working on it & that doesnt help in thier attempts. our ortega wants to write about thier experiences & memories as a fic, but its constantly stuck between years of horrible abuse that people would not be quiet about, being their base character is a young teen, & the inextricable joy of their relationships with team star & their pokemon, which make it so they cant really portray it as an original work. our nightmare is relatively self explanatory, a hard won back kindness at odds with the cruelty people show him as or a need for strength & easy cold & sharpness at odds with people who dull him down to a victim. our newest, as well. an xtale chara, they use exclusively they/them. same with canon chara & our (kind of) canon chara. but xtale chara & frisk are portrayed as cis men. that one especially has been winding its way around my brain on loop, & im sure they must be getting terribly sick of it, but even just looking for a picture of them it was walls of dysphoria to deal with first. and you cant do anything bc thats canon. none of us have anything against alternate selfs with different presentation, but they see it as them. and so its like a consistent alienation of the self, to the point where they want to break from it entirely. thankfully, many of the out-of-xtale-fandom fanworks of them & cross i recall use they/them for them, so its not an end all be all. its just uncomfortable for them to see "themselves" constantly misgendering them & for me to see a canon nb rep removed. its fine. well all be fine. one way or another, i think #🔮🎭
