#chapter twenty-eight

They were stopped several times by professors and staff members who wanted to tell Mattie they’d see him in the fall, and to have a nice summer. Peter again watched as his friend stopped and greeted all the voices, knowing to whom each voice belonged.

“Why am I not a celebrity here?” he asked as they started off one more time. “I mean, I could be a celebrity just by hanging around with you.”

“I’m not a celebrity,” Mattie said, shaking his head and scowling at Peter.

“Hey, Professor MacTavish! Heading out? This your last day? You back in the fall?”

Mattie nodded to the voice. “Yes. I’ll be back.” He knew that the box and the bags gave him away, but it was like the whole building knew his itinerary. This voice, he was quite sure, belonged to an office secretary.

“It’s like I’m not even here,” Peter said as they made it to the doors. It wasn’t lost on him that this was often the reversal when they were out together. Many times, Peter was addressed, spoken to, and greeted, while Mattie was spoken over, spoken about, and ignored by people who didn’t know what else to do.

This was Mattie’s scene. He’d made himself a representative of what a person could do if given a chance. He’d won over people by his humour and his patience. He had kept himself from being bitter, and people responded to him in amazing ways, once they relaxed and got to know who he was. There was no way Peter could be jealous of that.

“Never thought we’d get here through your adoring fans,” Peter said, letting Mattie locate the front of the truck from his raised arm. “You’d think you were in a band or something. Oh, wait. That’s right. You’re in a band.”

Mattie trailed down to the door handle, laughing. “We gotta get you some kind of gig, Man,” he said to Peter. “You’re starting to become disillusioned.”

“Or delusional,” Peter said. He started the truck. “Speaking of which, Xav, I... kinda got a favour to ask.”

Mattie’s eyebrows knit together and he turned to Peter. “Sure, Man, anything.”

“I did it. Last night. I bit the bullet, Xav, and asked Clo t’ marry me.”

Mattie’s mouth dropped open before it turned into a huge grin. “No way! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Ah, I didn’t want to take away from your grand exit, Man. This one’s mine.”

“Well, geez, Petey, I’ve been waiting for this. I was worried I was going to have to do it for you. You can’t let her get away. She’s the only one who actually thinks you’re endearing. I don’t know what you did, Man, but you did it right. Congratulations! Wait, she did say yes, right?”

“Yes, Christ, of course she said yes, ya fecker. You’re making me think again about my favour.”

Mattie tried to look serious, and nodded solemnly toward Peter. “Okay. Ask away. Of course she said yes. What was I thinking? Go.”

Peter had to swallow and start again, which Mattie hadn’t noticed, but when he finally spoke, he felt much more emotional than he had expected.

“Xavier. I want you to be my Best Man when I marry Chloë.”

Mattie lifted his head, and then a little smile appeared on his lips. They’d figured they’d be single into their forties, and yet, they had always known this would happen, and they would stand with each other when they made that leap. “I’d be honoured.”

Peter leaned forward, grabbing Mattie. He didn’t hug Mattie a lot, but this time, he needed to give his friend a feeling how grateful he was to have him beside him, here, tomorrow, and on his wedding day.

“Thanks, Skipper,” Peter said, finally leaning back and then pulling the ignition into gear.

“So, did you get on one knee and put a ring on her finger and everything?” Mattie asked, grinning.

“You know it! If you’re gonna do it, you do it right. I went on one knee, I had the ring. I was going to ask you to come help me pick it out, but... well...”

Mattie made a face, the smile still clearly evident. “Probably not helpful,” he admitted.

“I just took the plunge, and picked out one I thought she’d like and want to wear. She told me she loves it. I’m choosing to believe it. Got down on one knee, did the whole nine yards. Even called her dad on Monday to ask his permission.”

“Oh, wow, you are the gentleman,” Mattie said, impressed. “Did her dad agree to you being his daughter’s husband?” He knew Peter would have no trouble winning over her whole family. Despite Peter’s teasing, he was well-liked and as popular as Mattie among people who knew him.

“He did, wha? Of course he did! Any father’d be proud to have me as a son-in-law.”

Mattie agreed, but laughed out loud.

“So,” he said finally. “Does this mean I’m losing my best friend to a woman?”

“No, Xav, I asked her, and she said she’s willing to share me wit’cha.”

“Aw, that’s so kind of her. Does she really mean she just will be needing me to come take you off her hands every now and then?”

“You bet that’s exactly what she means,” Peter replied, and they laughed.

“So, do you have a date?”

“We don’t want to rush it, you know the dames, always like time to plan some crazy wedding shit. But we were thinking first maybe around New Year’s, but I think probably next June. Stuff gets filled up fast and apparently it’s already too late for seven months from now. I can’t get through this one alone with all those women. I need you to stand with me, Man.”

“You can count on me,” Mattie said. “Except I can’t drive you to the church.”

“You’ll still get me there, Xav. I have faith in your abilities as my Best Man to get me there, come hell or high water.”

“Well, from what I can tell, I won’t need to be dragging you kicking and screaming. You seem pretty willing to get there yourself.”

“I am, Xav,” Peter said. “I really am. She’s way too good for me. And I just can’t imagine my life now without her in it. Is that it? Am I done?”

Mattie smiled at his friend. “I think you’re just getting started, Petey,” he said. “And I’ve never seen her, but I know you’ve picked the right woman. And she picked you, and that’s even more important.”

“Aye, that it is,” Peter said. “I have no idea how I managed that.”

“You’re not such a bad catch,” Mattie said. “You’re the most loyal person I know. She couldn’t do better than that. I know I couldn’t.” He didn’t have to be more specific then that. He turned to face Peter again. “What about kids, Petey? You guys want kids?” He hadn’t ever really talked to his friend about the notion of raising kids. Maybe just as a side joke or something, but Mattie could not remember a deep conversation about the prospect of being a father. He tried to picture Peter with kids running around him and it made him grin.

“Whaddyer laughing at? Me as a dad? Thanks, Dude.”

“Seriously, Petey, do you? Want to be a dad?”

“Well. See, I wouldn’t have thought I’d be so for it, but, after being with Clo, it feels like it might happen.”

“And?” Mattie prompted.

“And, I like the idea. I get kinda pumped about it.”

Mattie smiled. “You’ll make a great dad.” He felt a little sad saying it, thinking at the same time that he wished he could be on the journey, too, like Peter.

“You’ll make a great dad, too, Xav, when the time comes.”

Mattie boosted the smile on his face for Peter’s sake, and then was quiet for a moment. And in Peter’s favour, he didn’t say anything more about Mattie’s abilities as a father. Instead he sighed.

“I guess if it’s meant to be for me to be chasing some little rugrat around a playground, it will be.”

Mattie smiled a genuine smile this time. “Even I’ll have to see that to believe it,” he said.

Christopher Garnet often drove out to pick Mattie up for their last few rehearsals. James Howes came for him once as well. The stage they were playing on was smaller than the one at the university, but Mattie soon learned its dimensions, and Christopher gave him a walk around through the front of the stage, where the tables would be pushed aside for all who had purchased tickets. As they’d walked, Mattie took in the acoustics of the room and the way the sound came back to him in different places around it. It wasn’t a big place, but the atmosphere was great, and it sounded so good when they played.

Amber picked Mattie up on their final rehearsal. She’d been in the city visiting their mother across town, and she slid into the venue and sat at a table in the front with another woman, a brunette with a killer hairstyle.

“Hey,” the woman said, smiling and nodding to the band. “You with the band?”

“Yup. My brother’s the one at the piano.”

“Matthew? He’s so talented. I’d heard a lot about him, believe me. Oh, sorry, hi, I’m Rue, I’m Christopher’s wife, he works with Matthew. He’s the guitar player there.”

“Oh, right,” Amber said, looking the band over, a rush of excitement to see Mattie up there, right in his element, oblivious to her arrival. She watched him for a moment, and then smiled at the others, who gave her a wave.

“MacTavish, I believe you have a visitor,” said James Howes into his mic.

Mattie stopped, puzzled. “Amber?” he called into the dark, guessing it to be his ride.

“Hi,” Amber called to them. “I’m just his sister. Whenever you’re ready, ’kay, Xav?”

He nodded, sitting back down, waiting for their next move.

“I think we’re okay,” said Christopher.

“Yeah, me, too,” said Lena.

“Yup,” said Kyle Dempster.

Pause. “Matthew?”

They were all looking at him. He nodded fervently. “It’s great. I agree, I think that’s it.”

Mattie gathered his things and Christopher gave him a guide down off the stage and to Amber. Amber tapped his hand and smiled at the other professor.

“I’m glad to meet you, Professor,” she said. “I’m so glad Mattie gets to finally show off those lessons we had to have.”

“It’s good to meet you, too. We’re lucky to have him, eh, Matthew? You put the rest of us to shame.”

“Seriously doubt that, but I’m feeling too pumped about it to deny it,” Mattie said, and they laughed.

“How long were you here?” Mattie asked Amber as the two of them made their way out of the small venue.

“I just got here, pretty much. Talked to Professor Garnet’s wife for a bit, but they announced me pretty quick.”

“They keep all eight eyes out for me,” Mattie said, and Amber laughed, glad that they did.

“Here’s the car, Xav,” Amber said, touching his hand to the car and opening the door for him, making sure he’d found it and was in before she moved around to take the driver’s seat. She waited for him to dissemble his cane and get his seatbelt on before starting the engine. She knew that when she started the engine, he felt rushed. She’d told him she wouldn’t go anywhere until he was ready, but he still always said he wasn’t quite ready whenever she started the ignition, so she learned to wait until he was belted in. She was never quite sure how much anxiety he had about sitting in the car, but she knew he preferred sitting in the back when he had the option, which was something she’d never asked him about. She assumed it just was a sense of safety, being further from a point of impact, feeling more surrounded by all parts of the car.

Mattie talked excitedly about their upcoming concert and Amber assured him she was going to go. She and Craig were going with Barb and Tom, and Mattie hoped his mother would be coming, too, though she’d said she would let him know. Peter and Chloë were going, and Mattie would travel with them. He’d told Amber the couple’s exciting news and she couldn’t wait to congratulate them on the engagement.

“We’re doing four songs. Three and a so-called encore. Two are the same songs we did before, and two are new. I’m going to surprise you,” Mattie said, smiling.

Amber glanced over at him. “I love that you’re having such a good time doing this,” she said. “I think it’s pretty cool.”

Mattie turned his head a little, not directly toward her, and gave a small laugh. “We didn’t see this coming, did we?” he asked in a low voice.

Amber looked at him, and knew that he was, in his own way, proud of how far he’d come since the accident. She couldn’t have been more proud of him herself.

“I know I didn’t,” Amber said. “You truly amaze me, Xav.”

“They always say music is good for the soul,” he added.

“It’s been good for yours,” Amber mused. “It’s brought you back out, Xav.”

“What do you mean? Brought me back out?”

“It’s given you courage. It’s made you happy again. You’re more connected to people with music, you’re less afraid. It’s all awesome, Xav.”

“Jeez, Amber, that’s a bit overboard,” Mattie said, embarrassed by her words.

“Ah, whatever, Xav, it’s true. I see it. We all see it.”

“We who?” Mattie was really self-conscious at this point.

“Me, Mum. Peter. Barbie.”

“Are you guys all just sitting around analysing me?” Mattie asked, scowling at her.

“No, don’t get all pissy, we’re not. We just notice, that’s all.”

Mattie was quiet again. He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of them discussing him like that or not. However, the more he thought about it, the less it bothered him. He knew they cared about him, and they weren’t having conversations about how unfortunate he was. He wondered what else they said.

“Well, I do like it,” he finally said. “It does make me happy. I just feel the music and I feel good. There’s nothing keeping me from any of it, it’s an even playing field. I even have the upper hand, for once. And... I like the people I’m with. They all are good people. I don’t feel out of place with them, they don’t make me feel it.”

“Those are friends,” Amber said. It was about time he had some good ones. He deserved them.

He nodded. He was finding good people in the darkness, and it was a gift.

Mattie was buzzing. He was trying to listen to Peter and Chloë from the back seat of Chloë’s car, but he was too exited inside to keep his thoughts on them. He would meet the rest of the band at the coffee shop next to their concert venue and go from there. They had smoked two joints on their way in, and Mattie wasn’t sure whether his heightened excitement didn’t come somewhat from that.

Amber and Mattie’s mother wouldn’t be coming tonight, and that was a disappointment, but she wasn’t up to a long night out. She’d told Amber to take lots of pictures, because she didn’t want to miss the whole event. She’d called Mattie earlier in the afternoon to wish him luck and chat for a bit, and Mattie promised he’d have someone send pictures, and if he could get a video from someone, he’d have one made for her personally. He felt like he’d been hugged by her phone call, and though he would miss her being in the audience, he didn’t want to put his mother through anything too exhausting, and he understood. He told her he’d call her tomorrow to tell her all about it.

Peter parked the car off the street and they all climbed out. Mattie unfolded his cane and walked beside Peter and Chloë towards the coffee shop.

“You’re sure I look cool enough?” he asked, not for the first time.

“You look great,” said Chloë. “Really cool.”

“Not like a stodgy professor?”

“Not at all. You’re a rock star, Xav, a rock star in black.”

“You got the hair to carry off anything,” Peter joked. “It’s like it leads its own career there.”

Mattie gave a face, hoping to hell that his hair was behaving at least somewhat responsibly. He had a black button-down, short-sleeved shirt, dark red cords, and blue skateboard sneakers. He had sunglasses this time, which he now had hooked over the top button on his shirt as they entered the coffee shop.

“Professor!” Lena called out, and Mattie zeroed in on his friends at their table. Peter led him over and Lena moved over so he could sit beside her in the booth.

“Professor Garnet isn’t here yet, but he’s on his way. Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea? Doughnut? Sandwich?”

“Uh... maybe a tea,” Mattie said. “Just something to help with my nerves.”

“You’re not nervous, are you, MacTavish?” Kyle Dempster asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I’ll get yer tea, Xav,” said Peter. “Then me and Clo will head over.”

“You can stay,” Mattie said, looking up towards them. “Join us.”

“Nah, you guys have fun. We’ll hang with yers after. Be right back.”

Garnet arrived at the same time that Peter and Chloë returned with Mattie’s tea. Chloë gave Mattie a hug and Peter slapped his arm and they both wished them all a good show.

“We’ll find you after,” Peter said.

“Thanks, guys.” Mattie was so glad his friend had come. He was worried that Peter might be jealous that Mattie had new friends and a band to play in, but Peter just took it in stride, proud of his friend, glad Mattie was able to enjoy his life again. Peter had Chloë, so he felt like it was a fair trade.

The group stayed for a half an hour, mentally preparing themselves and each other. They pumped each other up so much that they were highly enthusiastic as they headed across the parking lot.

“Everything is in the back that we need, the rest is all out front, as usual. You don’t have to worry about anything, MacTavish, piano is where you left it, it’s all the same old route.” Garnet guided Mattie to their back entrance and Kyle opened the door for them to go through. “I’ll take you over there, you play the shit out of those keys, and then when we’re done, we’ll get you.”

Mattie nodded. At least this time he knew they wouldn’t forget him in the excitement.

“And Matthew?” said Garnet. Mattie raised his eyebrows at the man, waiting. “Keep the cane. I think it gives you some style.”

Mattie grinned, a little abashed. He had almost asked if he should leave it somewhere with their things, not wanting to make the band a pity show. He still felt a bit embarrassed to carry the thing when he knew everyone was going to be staring at him. He didn’t want to bring the wrong kind of attention to their performance, but here was Professor Garnet, telling him once again to own it, to not feel ashamed of it.

“You’re a hit, Man,” Garnet said. “Whether you like it or not, you make an impact, and it’s a good one, not a bad one. Those kids think you’re cool. And so do we.” He patted Mattie’s arm, and Mattie closed his eyes, giving his colleague and friend a subtle nod of acquiescence.

They sat, cramped and closed in a room that seemed to have more chairs in it than places to put them.

“Is this how they all start?” James Howes asked. “Because sitting in a broom closet with dozens of chairs doesn’t seem to lend itself to stardom.”

“Aw, fawk,” said Kyle. “This is how they all start. It’s only the luckiest ones that actually get out of the broom closet.”

They could hear the other performers, just a hum or a voice or a thump of a drum or a bass. Mattie even heard the sound of fiddles at one point. They half-tried to figure out what songs were playing, and Kyle and James had a few games of rock, paper, scissors. Mattie listened, entertained by their joking.

“Maybe we should take up playing Charades,” James said. “If we’re going to be the mainliners and all. You know, just to get through this first wait. This is the shit, man.”

“It’s soon,” Garnet said. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

“Does anyone have any water?” Kyle asked.

“I do,” Lena replied. “Here. Anyone else? Professor MacTavish?”

“No, I’m okay, thanks. Um, why don’t you all just call me Matthew? I mean, we’re not really students and teachers here now. It seems silly that you call me by that. Or just call me Xav, that’s what everyone calls me.”

“Xav?” said Garnet. “Why Xav?”

“College nickname. That friend of mine with me tonight gave it to me. My middle name is Xavier. Named for my grandfather.”

“That’s cool,” said Lena. “I like it.”

“Xavier, huh?” Garnet mused. “Pretty fancy.”

“I’m a pretty fancy guy,” Mattie said with a half wink.

“That you are,” Garnet laughed as someone knocked on the door. They all turned towards it as it opened.

“Hey, guys, ten minutes.”

“Okay, thanks,” said James. “Okay, gang, you ready?”

There was an assertive cheer, and they all got to their feet, grabbing the instruments they had to carry. Mattie could feel some of them actually bouncing, excitement growing, as they revved themselves up to rock the crowd.

“How many are there?” Mattie asked.

“I heard at least a hundred and twenty-five,” said James.

“Jeezus, really?” Mattie asked. “This place can fit that many people?”

“It actually can,” Christopher Garnet told him. “Pretty closely packed, though. But hopefully we’ll get some good feedback for you to hear them, Xav.”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Mattie said. “I don’t want to feel like I’m playing to an empty room.”

Their five-minute call came soon after, and they readied themselves to head to the stage. Garnet bumped Mattie’s arm and Mattie took his elbow.

“You ready, Dude?”

“Totally,” said Mattie. “Ready to rock!”

The others all gave a little cheer and then Mattie felt Lena tap on his hand holding his cane. He tucked his cane under his arm and smiled, making a fist, and she bumped hers against his. Three more fist bumps against his hand and then they headed out the door, the music and noise instantly louder. They headed to the side of the stage, waiting for the set to end.

“All right, you guys ready? They’re coming off. Have a good show, everybody.”

The music had stopped and there was a nice amount of applause as the performers moved off the stage past them. Mattie held his breath, waiting for the first step from Garnet. He was ready. He wanted to move. They were better than those last musicians. He knew they were a hundred times better and he wanted to show them all.

“Let’s go,” Garnet said, and Mattie felt him pull ahead. Four steps up, straight across the stage, around the microphone stands and the instruments, to the piano. Garnet touched Mattie’s hand to the top of the piano and he took it from there.

There was a general applause, finishing for the previous act and welcoming the new one. Mattie grinned when he heard a group of shouts from his left. His gang. He slid in onto the bench and set his cane beside him, hearing the others picking up their instruments and plugging in to the borrowed amps. He ran his hands over the keyboard, blocking out the crowd around him and focusing on being in the music. James would count them in so he could hear. He was all ready.

He knew they had the crowd by the first chorus. They had practiced enough to have it together completely for those songs, they knew them in and out. They were in their zone. The music was theirs. They sang, they played, they bounced and clapped. It was true joy, all of them in a place that only a few people found. After the first song, there was a huge cheer from the crowd, and Mattie finally felt the size of it. One-hundred and twenty-five people clapping, and many of them calling out in approval.

He listened closely to hear James count into the second song, and away they went again on their musical trip. This time, Mattie could hear the audience singing along with them, and he almost laughed. He wondered if anyone was holding up their phone like Lena had said last time.

The third song was Mattie’s to introduce with a little piano solo before the guitar joined in. All those years playing Beethoven and Mozart had definitely paid off. He knew he impressed some people when he heard a few cheers in his favour. He heard Amber and Barb calling out Xav! in loud shouts, and he grinned, concentrating as the others joined into his notes.

They got their encore, and performed their final song. It brought down the house. Mattie was on his feet, stomping the pedal and hitting the chords with passion. He wished this moment could just keep on going. He could almost imagine what Kyle looked like as he beat on his drums, with the constant thump beside him. The bass line was hanging in the air like measures of music off a page.

When they were finished the last note, Mattie took his hands off the keys. There was a fraction of a second where it seemed quiet. And then, there was an explosion of sound: cheers, clapping, whistling, and shouts. Mattie stood, grinning, and then reached down to grab his cane. Christopher Garnet was there, patting his arm, shouting something. He took his elbow, opening the cane, and the same thing happened as before. The audience grew even louder as he stepped out and followed Garnet out from behind the piano.

He swore he could hear Amber’s voice, shrilly calling him over the other voices. He turned toward where he knew she was and he smiled, nodding his head toward her. This was because of her. He wouldn’t be right here without her. He knew he’d gotten himself there, but without Amber, he never would have had the courage alone. He took his hand off Garnet’s elbow and reached up, pulling out the chain he wore around his neck. He held it out in Amber’s direction. She had given the courage, had given him this new start. He could feel the word courage on the pendant. And he’d felt the courage that made him step out of his comfort zone, and it had brought him here.

He heard Amber screaming his name, but he couldn’t see the tears of pride and happiness streaming down her face.

There was a good group of them after the show, so they headed to a pub for a celebratory drink. Chloë promised Mattie she wouldn’t have a drink and would drive them home, and Amber promised him she wasn’t drinking, either, but Mattie ordered two beers straight away. His spirits were high, everyone’s were.

Amber watched how her brother’s new friends interacted with him. Each one of them took the time to describe things for him, or give him clues about the goings on he might have missed. Each one of them gave him the same respect and yet the same amount of teasing as they did the others. Amber was touched, mostly because she’d felt completely angry and disgusted by the so-called friends that he’d had that split and never had anything more to do with Mattie after his accident. She had worried that he wouldn’t have people in his life that he could laugh and be himself with. She had worried, mistakenly, that blindness would take all this away from him, having seen him lose friends one by one through absolutely no fault of his own. She was worried that the wall the blindness built between Mattie and others would prevent him from making new connections. She was glad she had been wrong, that she’d worried over nothing. He was in good hands amongst good friends.

They all wanted to see the little metal pendant that Mattie had raised up onstage, asking what it meant. He smiled and nodded toward where he knew Amber sat with Craig.

“Amber. Amber gave me my courage a few years ago, and I’ve held onto it ever since.”

“Is that what it says?” asked Lena. “Courage?”

Mattie’s smile grew and he nodded again. He felt someone, most likely Lena, holding it again from his neck and running their fingers along it.

“That’s so cool,” Lena said softly. “Even if you don’t think you have it... you do.”

“I just have to reach up and there it is, to remind me,” he said. “Sometimes... I did forget.”

“Never for long,” Amber said to everyone. “Else he wouldn’t be the rock star he is today.”

“Here! Here!” Toasted Christopher Garnet and everyone did the same with spirit.

Peter and Amber’s eyes met and Peter winked. There had been some rough patches and tough moments where it didn’t look like an outcome like this could be possible and Mattie had once again exceeded their expectations.

When she looked over at her brother again later, he was laughing with the bass player of his band, and he was describing something to him, using his hands to paint the picture for the other man. He grew much more animated when he had a few beers in him, and it was kind of like seeing the old Mattie, sighted Mattie. Amber smiled to herself, watching him so relaxed, not having to try to be anyone he wasn’t. He was in the right place this time around. There were some ways he was still like Sighted Mattie, but she knew now it was true, that he’d been right that he’d had to let that Mattie die and mourn him and then discover who this new one was. She’d done the same, as had Peter. They had gone through the transition with him, as tough as it had been. Mattie himself had decided that he didn’t want to let most of the mourners discover the new Mattie. She’d seen how awkward it was for both sides. She herself had felt it, knowing always she was comparing her brother from before to after. It was easier for him to get to know new people, let new people get to know him, as he was, without remembering who he’d been. Amber was glad that he’d been able to figure that out, despite the pain and hurt he’d gone through at first, trying to connect with the people in his life.

She watched Mattie lean forward, his hand slowly creep ahead on the table for his glass. There was nothing in it, but he took a drink anyway, groaning with good humour when it came up empty. James patted his arm and went to the bar for refills, and Mattie’s fingers found a napkin and some coins, which he proceeded to spin on their edges absent-mindedly as he listened to the scene around him, smiling at the funny parts of conversations.

There were still times that pity still squeezed at her heart until she felt like she couldn’t breathe, times when tears welled up and threatened to spill over and give away how much she wished Mattie could see again, how it was not fair that he only had the dark. She had thought those times would never grow dim, would never stop hurting, and yet, they grew fewer and hurt less, and tonight, she realised that she did not once wish that Mattie’s life was different than it was right now. She did not pity her brother whatsoever. If anything, she thought with a grin, she envied him a little right now, as someone, presumably another audience member from the show, came up to Mattie and James and spoke to them for a moment with clear exuberance and pleasure. When he moved off, Mattie held up his fist and James took notice immediately, nodding and giving him a hardy fist bump before they both took a drink of beer.

Amber laughed out loud, and Craig turned to her. “Having a good time?” he asked.

“I really am!” she told him.

They’d never imagined they’d laugh really truly hard again, really mean it, or that they’d really be able to enjoy themselves without it being an act. It had seemed impossible that, with a constant reminder like blindness, they could ever forget and just go out and live. And now that they had done it, it seemed so ridiculous and melodramatic that they’d ever thought that way at all. Amber smiled at Mattie, and even though he didn’t see her smile, for some reason, at that same moment, he smiled, too.

We’d taken our breakfast at a table tucked into a corner of the inn’s common room, but I still kept my voice down. I figured the four of us were anxious enough for the whole city.

“It’s out of our hands at that point,” Nioc said.

“I don’t really want it to be.”

“No.” He set down the bread he had been picking at.

Crystin sighed. “There’s precious little we can do,” she said, “at least in any sort of war effort. Four more bodies, but that’s nothing compared to... all that.”

“I would it need not be a war effort at all,” Erik said.

“Don’t think any of us wants it to be.” I sighed. “This feels like our fight. I feel guilty pulling the whole Basin into it.”

“We can’t exactly fight off an entire undead empire on our own.”

“They just lost a lot of power.”

“Let’s talk about that for a second,” Nioc said. “So they were siphoning magic off the Astrians. But for that to be possible, at least a few of them had to already be in action. The turning point for all this seems like it was that earthquake. Would you say that’s right?”

Three heads nodded.

“Which means that must have been either when their first power source reached its peak, or when whoever was already here made a move.”

“Maybe both,” I said.

“I believe their original source was Vidias,” Erik said. “He is with them still, else the loss of the ones we rescued will have returned them to ruin.”

Crystin tapped her fingers on the table. “So if we’re able to rescue Vidias as well, they should disappear again.”

“My thoughts exactly. But were his whereabouts known, my people would have sought him out long ago.”

“Then maybe that’s our job,” I said. “That sort of thing is best in small groups. Especially because I think I know where they’re keeping him.”

***

“You’re mad.”

The Captain had listened patiently enough while we told him the plan but all the same, I’d about expected that would be his reaction. The plan was mad.

“Just mad enough to actually pull this off, I think.” I leaned against the deck railing. “You don’t have to do anything except get us close and bring us back once we’re out.”

“If you make it out,” he said. “Escaping the Tower made you too cocky, I think. I wouldn’t go into Easthall Castle to rescue the gods themselves.”

“And we aren’t asking you to.”

“Near enough to it.” He looked us over. “You’re serious about this.”

It wasn’t a question. Erik answered anyway. “This may prove a way to stop them before it comes to warfare. And if the offerings are anywhere, they will be there.” They frowned. “Much as I disagree with Ursa’s decree, I wish to recover them. I dislike that they are in Anglin hands.”

Nioc nodded. “They’re too powerful,” he said. “I want them back where they belong.”

The Captain looked at us a moment longer. Then he sighed. “Mortals never settle, do they?” he asked. “You’re always pushing just a little too far. I’m surprised any of you survive.”

“I am not mortal.”

“Then you do an excellent impression.” He shook his head. “All right. If you’re willing to take the risk, the least I can do is get you there.”

***

It was less than an hour later that we were flying over the mountains again. I didn’t quite feel like singing this time, though. I would have liked to, if only to drown out the songs around me, but I couldn’t find the heart for it. The desert we’d flown over on the way had been empty and harsh, but compared to the jagged peaks that hid the Anglin stronghold, I thought it was paradise.

“It’s not that I dislike mountains,” I said to Crystin. “It’s just that these particular ones look like they want to kill me.”

“They might,” she said. “Perhaps one will burst up and pluck you off the ship. Then what would you do?”

“Scream, cry, bewail my hideous fate. Isn’t that what a damsel in distress is supposed to do?”

“I suppose. Which of us gets the honor of rescuing you?”

I pointed to Bud. Crystin burst out laughing. Nioc joined her. Erik, however, didn’t react. They stood several feet away from the rest of us, looking out across the bow of the ship. I’d heard nothing from them the whole flight except for a strained, anxious song. It wasn’t exactly surprising. I could hear similar ones from Nioc and Crystin. I felt the same way myself. We simply did a better job of burying it. While Nioc and Crystin laughed, I followed Erik’s gaze. It led south, over the mountains, towards Easthall Castle.

I looked back at Erik, but their face was unreadable. Nothing new, I supposed. Even after all this time, I still didn’t think I’d stand a chance of knowing what was on their mind if I couldn’t hear every note of it. As it was, I could make a guess.

“Do you think we’ll find him there?” I asked.

They didn’t look around. “I know not,” they said. “Truly, I know not if I even wish to.”

I frowned. “I thought you were furious with him.”

“I am. I am far beyond furious. That is why I am unsure.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Perhaps not.” They shook their head once, sharply. “I fear I may not have the strength to strike him down.” Their shoulders tightened. I couldn’t see their hands – they’d tucked them in their pockets – but I would have bet all the coin in my purse that they were clenching into fists so tight the color was draining from their knuckles. “And I fear that I may.”

I opened my mouth to reply (although really, how did one reply to that?) but a call from the Captain interrupted. “We’re drawing close,” he called. “Tammy, hide us. I need to focus on bringing us down.”

Right. I’d try to come back to this later. I took a deep breath and laid a hand on the railing. Life sparked through it, dancing along the grain, singing of the sea and the sky. Everything seemed alive now, after the dust. For the first time, I could really understand the forces I played with when I used magic, and they seemed to delight in my touch. All I had to do was add my voice to their song.

Once we vanished, the Captain took us over one last ridge. As the peaks fell away beneath us, we got our first look at the Anglin stronghold.

It looked so normal.

It sat in a deep, jagged valley, all overlooked by a towering castle of bone-white stone, yes, but the rest was just a town. Perhaps I’d been expecting a sea of forges and rotted soldiers, or Carnylyn waiting on a peak with a pile of bones beneath his claws, and that was why the place’s sheer normalcy unnerved me so much. It was only as we nearly leveled the tops of the castle’s lowest ramparts that I managed to put words to what really bothered my about it.

“Glas Linn is laid out just like this, isn’t it?”

Nioc frowned and leaned out over the railing. “Oh, gods, you’re right,” he said. “That’s creepy.”

“Perhaps it’ll make it easier to get through the castle,” Crystin said. “Provided the resemblance goes that far.”

“I hope it doesn’t,” Nioc said. “This is going to haunt me enough.” He laughed. I pretended not to hear the fear in the sound.

The Captain brought us down on top of one of the castle’s outer walls. “Don’t do anything foolish in there,” he murmured. “No heroics, no grand stands, no magicking roaches into a guard’s food.” I stifled a laugh, and he shook his head and smiled. “I expect to see all four of you again. Is that clear?”

“You will.”

We let ourselves down to the courtyard with a rope – a singularly bizarre experience, because as we left the ship’s camouflage it shimmered into near-invisibility under our hands. From beneath me, I heard Nioc swear quietly. “I’ll never get used to this,” he whispered.

“Shh.”

The moment my boots met the ground, I pressed myself back against the wall to avoid a platoon of soldiers marching in through the gates. The nearest of them passed within a handsbreadth of me. I didn’t breathe until they’d entered the inner gates.

When they passed out of earshot, I whispered, “Back soon,” and started towards a small door beside the gate. Moving through the castle invisible would be a nightmare. What we needed was a disguise.

I paused at the door. I couldn’t hear anything from inside, but that didn’t mean it was empty; the door looked thick, and there was every chance that anyone inside might not be talking. I still paused a moment longer. A chair scraping, the rattle of armor, something.

Eventually, I satisfied myself that either the place was empty or whoever was inside was asleep. I waited for another group of soldiers to pass – gods, were they readying an invasion already? - and then eased the door open.

The guard room was not empty.

The guard had his back to me when I entered, but in my surprise I shut the door faster than I meant to, and the sound caught his attention. I slipped away from it in case he came to investigate.

After a moment, though, he seemed to decide he had imagined the noise. He picked up a pipe, sat down and propped his feet up on a table, and leaned back to light it.

I hid a groan. Great. So he was going to be in here for a bit.

A minute or two later, while I was craning my neck to examine a rack of armor without touching it, I heard the door open again. Another guard poked his head through. “William,” he said. “It was you at the head of the outer watch last night, wasn’t it?”

The guard with the pipe sat up. “It was,” he said. “What about it?”

“Captain’s up in arms,” the other said. “Something or other is out of place, and he thinks it was your patrol. You’ll want to head him off before he blusters himself all the way to Clarence.”

William sighed. “Not a week goes by,” he said. “Thanks, John. Walk with me?”

“No, I’ve duty soon. And I’d rather not face the captain right now, if it’s all the same to you.”

I followed as close behind William as I dared and slipped out the door just as they closed it. My cape wasn’t so lucky. The tail end caught on the latch just as it closed. I stifled a startled noise and twisted. William frowned. “Damn thing’s been sticking all day,” he said, and pulled it open again. I yanked my cape to the side and it came clear. “Remind me to get Twyford to take a look at it.”

They vanished through the inner gate. I glanced around, saw no one looking and no windows with a view of me, and dropped my glamour. “This way!” I hissed.

I heard three sets of feet run my direction and held the door open til they’d all passed. Then I followed them back into the guardhouse, closed and bolted the door, and dropped their glamours, too.

“Dunno how long we have,” I said. “Let’s hurry.”

Finding armor that fit, even leather armor like most of what was in the room, was a trickier undertaking than the Academy uniforms, but we managed to put together passable ensembles in five minutes or so. It felt much longer. I spent the whole time jumping and twisting towards the door every time I thought I heard something, and I nearly hit Erik in the face doing it while I was applying some of our stage cosmetics to them.

“Remind me why thou canst not simply apply another glamour?” they asked, scowling.

“Because I don’t want to risk it coming unravelled,” I said. “I don’t know how long we’ll be here or what might happen, and if I get too startled or distracted it might come down. Unless you want to lose your disguise in the middle of the castle?”

They grunted and made no further reply.

By the time Crystin and I finished, we all looked passably rotted – indeed, almost a bit too much, but going heavy with the makeup was the easiest way to disguise my, Nioc’s, and Erik’s darker skin. With helmets on, I though we made a good set of corpses. I didn’t say that out loud, though. Felt a bit too much like a jinx.

“Okay,” I said. “Just stand straight and walk with purpose. And let me do the talking if we get stopped.”

“Have you any idea which way we’re actually going?” Crystin asked.

I shrugged. “Place like this has to have a dungeon,” I said. “I figure if we keep going down long enough, we’ll find it. They wouldn’t keep him in one of the towers, not a prisoner with wings.”

We left the guard house and strode to the inner gate as if we were supposed to be there, and they opened for us. Inside, I made for a narrow alley between the inner wall and the castle itself that I was willing to bet led to a servants’ entrance. Any place fancy enough always had one, and although they were guarded, the guards there were never quite as well-trained as the ones at the main entrance. The servants’ entrance was new-recruit work.

“Hold,” called a voice as we rounded a corner. He had started up from where he’d been leaning against the doorframe, but his grip on his spear was still casual. “Which patrol are you on? We’re supposed to be in through the front, you ought to know that.”

I dropped my voice a few pitches and put on my best Anglin accent. “I know,” I told him, “but I’ve heard tell the captain’s up in arms about something and I’d rather keep us out of the way until he blows over. You know how he is.”

The guard groaned. “Not again,” he said. “In quick, then, and mind you don’t let this get back to him. I’m not looking to be next on his list.”

“Of course,” I said. He let us in and shut the door behind us. We found ourselves in what looked to be storage for the kitchens, alone. Crystin let out a laugh she’d clearly been holding back.

“You are so full of shit,” she whispered.

I grinned. “Let’s go.”

We kept moving down.

Our disguises seemed to be thorough – none of the guards or rotted servants we passed seemed to give us a second glance. I tried not to let the sympathy I felt for the latter show on my face. Anglin or no, I couldn’t imagine it was pleasant to be pulled back from the dead only to serve in a castle full of soldiers. I couldn’t let it show. I had a feeling that would be a dead giveaway that I wasn’t supposed to be here.

Perhaps I didn’t know where the dungeons were, but seeing the castle from the air had given me an idea. It was built right up against the side of the mountain, to the point where I thought the bottom floors at the back actually disappeared under the stone. If the dungeons were anywhere, they’d be back there. It would put a few extra obstacles between an escaped prisoner and freedom.

We kept moving down.

As we went, the concentration of guards and soldiers seemed to increase. I decided that was a good sign, if only for the sake of my own nerves. I heard the buzzing tension of the others and knew that I wasn’t the only one walking a little too straight and too fast to compensate.

“There,” I hissed. We’d been walking for nearly ten minutes, and I was sure we’d been beneath the mountain for the past two, but there, at the end of our current corridor, was an arched doorway just in front of a set of narrow stone stairs.

“It’s guarded,” Nioc whispered.

“Figured it would be.”

“Did you figure a way around that?”

“I didn’t even figure on making it this far.”

“Oi,” called a voice from down the corridor. “Are you in a hurry?”

I turned to see the guard in front of the dungeon stairs had come a few paces towards us. “No,” I told him, “we’re between orders at the moment.”

He sighed. “Excellent,” he said. “You wouldn’t mind running a message for me?”

I would, but I thought it best not to say that. I headed down the corridor towards him. “What d’you need said?”

“Find the first sergeant and tell him that Corporal Davies hasn’t reported to take second shift here,” he said. “I’ve been here an hour longer than need be and I’d like to get round to my break. Layabout missed a rare sight, too. That Astrian what the king’s got working for him came round a bit ago. Davies’s been itching for a glimpse of him.”

Behind me, I heard Erik go tense. “The Astrian?” I asked.

The guard nodded. “You know, bald, massive old wings, looks so serious you’d think he was at a funeral.”

“Right, right.” I figured I had about ten seconds before Erik hurtled into the dungeons and damn the consequences. “Listen, guardsman, end your shift; I’ll leave one of my patrol at your post until I round up Davies.”

“I really shouldn’t.”

Anything he might have said after that was cut off as an alarm bell began ringing out a few floors above us. I looked up and heard another take up the call, closer to us this time, then another and another. “What –?” the guard said. Then he collapsed to the floor as Nioc’s staff hit his skull with a heavy crack. We turned to look at him. He gestured to the stairs.

“Best we hurry,” he said. “I don’t know how long he’ll stay down.”

We didn’t stand around to debate. I flicked my wrist as we hurried down the stairs, uncoiling my whip, and hoped the alarm bells weren’t about the Captain. Our footfalls echoed like cannonfire off the damp stone walls around us.

Of course, that meant Alrar heard us coming.

I saw him before I reached the bottom of the stairs. He already had his sword drawn, his wings outstretched. The ceiling was too low for him to fly, but it made him so large as to take up the entire corridor.

“I warn you: do not think to bar my path,” he said. “I have killed your king; I fear not your blades.” Then he stopped. His sword arm dropped. “Erik?”

Erik leapt.

They must have taken their helmet off as we ran; their hair streamed behind them as they nearly flew through the air past me. They had just enough time to yell, “Bastard!” before they collided. Both of them hit the floor hard.

“Shit!”

I ran to them, although what I intended to do I had no idea. I only knew that if the guard came to and found us down here, we were fucked. But I stopped when I saw what lay on the floor beside them. In the fall, Alrar’s bag had spilled its contents, and scattered across the flagstones were a ribbon, a driftwood pendant, a set of prayer beads, a stone idol, a scarf, and a mask. The pieces fell into place so suddenly I almost thought I felt the impact.

“Erik!”

I grabbed their arm and tried to pull them away. When that didn’t work, I hooked my arms under theirs and started to drag. “Erik, stop.”

“Thou wilt release me this instant, Tamara. Thou sawest what he did; if Ursa will not seek vengeance, I shall!”

“Erik, he still has the offerings! He killed the king, he didn’t hand them over.”

“He –”

Erik stopped pulling against my grip, although I didn’t let go. They looked at Alrar. He had stood. I saw a bruise starting to bloom on one of his cheekbones.

When Erik spoke, I almost couldn’t hear them. “Thou gavest him not the offerings?”

Alrar shook his head. He bent to pick up the idol, which lay just by his feet. He turned it over in his hands and did not look at any of us.

“The Anglins yet hold my master captive,” he said. “Tis an affront I shall never forgive. And yet to remedy this injury, it fell to me to injure thee in turn.” He looked up. His dark eyes met Erik’s bright ones. “What I did to thee has no excuse nor remedy, yet I cannot hold my actions shameful. I have done only what I could. Still, if thou hast it in they heart, I beg thy forgiveness. At the least, I beg thy aid.” He glanced up at the rest of us. “Vidias languishes here,” he said. “My actions against King Edmund have come to light far sooner than I wished. I have heard of your deeds thus far; you are formidable for ones so young and fleeting. Help me save my master. Without the offerings, his freedom will undo the Empire’s power. The Basin will be safe once more.”

Far above, I heard clanging bells and armored feet. I didn’t know how long it would take our guard to wake and warn the others, but I doubted we had much time. I rose to my feet. I pulled Erik up with me.

“They know the king is dead,” I said. “Do they know it was you who did it?”

“None but their duke saw me enter his chambers,” Alrar said.

Nioc laughed. “Just the first person they’d alert, then,” he said. “No need to worry.”

Erik had not taken their eyes off Alrar. The song I heard from them was halting, uncertain; it sang of a fearful caution, of holding back joy. “Give me the offerings,” they said.

Alrar held out the idol. Erik reached out for it slowly, like they expected him to jerk it away. He didn’t, and when Erik had taken it, he bent to regather the others.

“I wished to kill thee,” they whispered.

“Thou hadst good reason.” Alrar held out the other offerings. “Kill thy shame, Erik. We did both what we felt to be right.”

Were the footsteps coming closer? It could have just been my imagination, but I prodded Erik anyway. “We haven’t much time,” I said. “Let’s go.”

“...Yes.” They replaced the offerings in their bag. “Yes.” They looked to Alrar. “Lead us.”

Alrar nodded once, turned on his heels, and strode away down the corridor. Erik followed without a word. Crystin, Nioc, and I hurried after them.

The dungeon wound slowly down into the earth, dank and lit only by low-burning torches spaced too far apart to do anything more than make our shadows creep and writhe on the walls ahead of us. The cells we passed were empty except for a few old, crumbling bones and, once, a ghost huddled in a back corner. It didn’t react to our passage. I wanted to stop and try to help it on, but I knew we couldn’t risk the delay. I kept walking and tried to block out its lonely, hopeless song.

As we walked, the curve of the passage grew tighter. It was a spiral, winding down to a central point. Vidias was trapped at that center. The air down here thrummed with power, channelled steadily up by the spiralling path, and he was the only thing it could have been coming from. I couldn’t hear him yet, though.

Finally, the passage came to an end in front of a small metal door. It had no window or slot to push food through, just a handle with a lock.

Erik spoke. “Tammy. Knowest thou how to open this?”

“Maybe.” I slipped around them and Alrar and crouched down. It wasn’t a particularly complicated lock, but it took much longer than it should have for me to pick it. My hands were shaking. Through the door, I faintly heard Vidias’s song. Even as quiet as it was, the exhaustion in it rolled over me like waves, and with the power channelled through the passage buffeting me from the other side, I felt like a rowboat caught in a storm. When a hand touched my shoulder, I jumped.

“You’re all right,” Crystin murmured. She squeezed my shoulder and smiled. I smiled back. With her hand on me, her song rose above the others. It was anxious, certainly, but I knew it well. My nerves settled enough for me to get the door unlocked. Then I stood and stepped aside.

“He’s your master,” I told Alrar. “Lead the way.”

He looked at me with those unreadable dark eyes for a moment. Then he nodded. He pushed the door open and strode through.

Inside, he stopped almost immediately. “Henry,” he said.

“Alrar,” replied a voice I recognized. “I thought I’d find you here. And your apprentice, as well. Excellent.”

The duke stood a few yards away, between us and a kneeling figure at the center of the room. All I could see of it were its outstretched, emaciated hands, manacled at the wrists to chains binding it to either wall. It did not move or speak, but the surge in the exhausted song when Alrar had opened the door told me everything I needed to know.

“Step aside,” Alrar said. “I fear you not. If you stand between myself and my master, you will suffer for it.”

“I suppose you plan to kill me as you did His Majesty?” Henry asked. “Wonderful work, that. Quick and clean. Not to mention it saved me the trouble of having to do it myself.” He smiled his cold smile. “I really must thank you.”

“This is your final warning.”

The duke’s cold smile widened. Erik’s attention was fixed on him, but I caught Nioc’s and Crystin’s eyes and gripped the handle of my whip. They shifted slightly. All three of us returned our gazes to Henry.

“I admire your devotion,” he was telling Alrar. “Two centuries and you’ve never stopped seeking him. Of course, I imagine a century or two is really very little time to you, but it really is impressive. Would you like to see him now?”

Alrar drew his sword and lunged.

At the same moment, the duke twisted and dropped to one knee, grasping one of Vidias’s withered wrists with one hand and flinging the other forward. Not at Alrar. Judging by the yells that escaped us, he and I realized who he was aiming at simultaneously.

“Erik!”

I tackled them. As the two of us collided, a crackling energy arced towards us, a bolt of cold blue lighting like the ones that had lit up the sky the night of the earthquake. As quickly as I had moved, it hadn’t been fast enough. I watched almost in slow-motion as the bolt branched out, reaching towards us with unerring aim, and I knew that it would hit us before we crashed to the floor. I didn’t even have time to close my eyes.

Then a silhouette leapt between us and the bolt. I heard Erik scream, and then a phantom burst of pain arced through my body and I didn’t hear anything. I barely felt it when we hit the floor. All I knew was that every nerve ending in Alrar’s body had caught fire, and it had ignited me, too.

The worst of the pain burned away quickly, but even secondhand, it left me gasping, and by the time I started to understand what was happening around me again, I already heard the sounds of fighting above my head. Erik wasn’t beneath me anymore. I forced my eyes open.

Alrar lay on the ground just in front of me, limp and smoking. He was alive, though. Corpses didn’t hurt like he was hurting. Past him, I only saw movement. My vision was still hazy with borrowed pain. But I didn’t think the fight was going well. None of the others had gone down like Alrar, not yet, but as long as Henry had Vidias’s power at his disposal, it was only a matter of time.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed myself up to my hands and knees. It was getting hard to hear my own thoughts. I started to crawl forward and hunted through my mind for a song, any song, I could hold onto and ground myself.

My hands had found the chain by the time I had it – an iron chain. I gritted my teeth and willed myself to ignore the cold burn of it. I threw myself open to the song instead, and it came thundering through. It didn’t drown out the pain and fear, didn’t even alter them. It didn’t need to. When they’re suffered to protect what you care for, even fear and pain sing with love.

“Hold still,” I murmured to Vidias. “You’ll be free soon.”

He turned his head anyway. The movement was so slow it almost hurt to look at, and when his eyes fixed on me, it took them a long time to focus. “Who... Nerida?”

My heart seized. I tried to keep my voice level. “Not quite,” I said. “But I know her. She’s been trying to find you for a long time now.” I eased the manacle off his wrist and guided his hand down to rest on one of his legs. Behind me, I heard Duke Henry scream a furious scream and knew he was about to lunge at me. I took hold of Vidias’s other wrist and started to sing. There was nothing like love for weaving a shield.

When that wrist was free, I felt the energy in the room change. For a moment, it burst wildly out, loosed from the path it had been channelled up. The burst shook the room, shook the castle, shook the earth – then it subsided, like the sea returning to its place after a tidal wave, and the room was just a room. Vidias gasped in a breath. Then he slumped forward. I caught him before he hit the floor and let my head fall. My heard was pounding. I hadn’t realized how much the song and the shield had taken out of me. It felt like I’d just finished sprinting up every flight of stairs in the castle.

“Tammy? Are you all right?” Crystin crouched beside me. I tried to smile. Gods, I loved her. I lifted a hand to her face at wiped at the blood oozing from a cut on her cheek.

“I’m all right,” I said. “I’m all right.” I dropped my hand to hers and turned. “Erik, is Alrar –?”

They had dropped to their knees next to him. Nioc was on his other side, starting to take vitals, but I saw the answer in his face. We’d saved his master, but Alrar wasn’t going to make it back out of this dungeon.

“Master,” Erik whispered. The started to reach for him and then stopped. For once, their face was easy to read. They looked on the verge of tears.

“Didst thou save him?” Alrar asked. His voice was hoarse. Erik nodded, and Alrar relaxed his head back to the floor. “Then thou hast done what I could not. Weep not, Erik. All who teach pray to see the day their pupil surpasseth them.”

“We will save thee,” Erik said. “We must – surely there is something –”

Alrar grasped their hand. “It is over,” they whispered. “I go to my rest. I go willingly, Erik.” He broke off to cough violently. “Bring him from this place. Let him breathe free air once more.”

“I shall.” Their voice broke.

“Good.” Alrar let out a shuddering breath. “Thou hast become more than I could ever hope. Know that I am proud of thee.”

He didn’t breathe again.

Erik bowed their head. I saw their shoulders shake.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

They did not raise their head. “’Twas not thy fault.”

For a long moment, the room was silent. Then Erik said, “I cannot carry him out alone.”

Nioc moved to help them. The two of them lifted Alrar’s body carefully. Crystin and I helped Vidias to his feet. The five of us returned up the passage in silence.

The castle was empty. Well, that wasn’t quite true. All the people who had been inside earlier were still there, but they all lay on the floor, centuries-old bone poking out of their clothes and armor. Vidias’s power had been keeping them alive. Without it, they had apparently finished rotting away. I hoped it had been quick. I couldn’t imagine how much it must have hurt.

When we reached the courtyard, the Spinnaker waited for us on the cobbles. The Captain stood at the bow. “You did it, then,” he called. “You stopped them?”

“We did,” Nioc said. Erik said nothing. I wasn’t sure they planned on ever speaking again. Once we had Vidias and Alrar’s body on board, they disappeared belowdecks without a word.

I watched them go. Then I lifted Bud off my shoulder and set them down. “I can’t leave them down there alone,” I said.

“Good luck,” Crystin murmured. “I doubt they’ll talk to you.”

I grimaced and headed down the ladder.

I found them at a starboard porthole, standing with their arms wrapped tight around themselves. Their head was bowed. Their shoulders shook. I approached slowly. I didn’t want to leave them alone like this, but I doubted they’d be thrilled to see me.

“Erik?”

“Leave me.” Their voice was thick with tears. “Please.”

I stood for a moment. Then I crossed and embraced them.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmured as they stiffened in surprise. “I wish there was something we could have done.”

We stood that way for a moment. Then they turned and threw their arms around me.

I leaned my head against their shoulder while they cried. Each sob seemed to rip through their thin frame, and I can’t lie and say I didn’t cry, too. At that moment, close as we were, I felt the loss as keenly as they did. I didn’t speak. I just held them and let them cry.