#chapter 28

He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment before continuing forward toward the sound. Her bedroom door was cracked open, the sliver of light from her lamp illuminated her in a halo of warm light as she sat on the edge of her bed and wept. She looked beautiful and sad, just like his mom had on those long stormy nights.

Simone was strong and brave and selfless. Ever since he’d met her, Jake looked at her like she was the sun. Everything in her orbit thrived, safe and warm and loved. Oh, how he wanted to be in that orbit, to feel loved and safe and needed. Even sad, Simone radiated that light he chased.

With a gentle push, he let the door squeak a little, drawing her gaze to him. “Simone?”

“Jake,” she breathed, sniffling and wiping her eyes. “Did you have a bad dream?”

He nodded. Even if it was a lie, it seemed like a good one in this instance. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head and waved him to her side. “Don’t worry about me. Come on.”

The blankets were soft as he rolled himself inside them just to hear her laugh. “Thank you.”

With a gentle touch, she wiped the hair out of his eyes. “Were you on the couch again?”

“Yeah.”

“You have a bed, you know,” she scolded lightly. “And a room all to yourself.”

“It still feels… different.”

She pursed her lips and nodded, quietly rubbing his arms. “I suppose I understand. Still, you should really try to sleep in there. It won’t start feeling normal unless you make it normal.”

“I know,” he whispered. “Why… why were you crying?”

“Jake,” she sighed.

“Was your dad mean to you again?”

She laughed joylessly and rolled her eyes. “When isn’t he?”

Jake thought for a long moment. “Maybe he wasn’t trying to be mean. Maybe he was just worried about you and wanted to prot-”

“Ugh,” she groaned, angrily shoving herself - or him - away. “Why do you always do that?”

“What?” he mumbled, fear making him freeze within her covers. What did I say wrong this time? He wondered.

“You always have to defend him, instead of me. Am I not important enough for you to take my side once in a while?” She demanded, coldly. Jake opened his mouth to reply - to dissuade the allegations she so cruelly spewed at him, but Simone continued, nonetheless. “Nothing is sacred to you! Nothing is ever enough for you to see me and trust me and love me!”

“I do see you.” He hurried in his reply. “I wasn’t defending him, I was just'-”

“Just taking his side, like always. God, you’re just like him.”

Don’t say that, he thought, fighting back tears.

“Selfish, rude, dismissive… entirely useless when I actually need your help.”

He sniffled, a few tears sliding past his guard. “I’m sorry.”

Simone’s face softened only slightly as she sighed and stroked his cheeks free of tears. “Don’t be sorry, Jake. Be better.”

With a nod, he swore to her and himself, “I will be.”

“Good.” She smiled. “Now, climb in, and I’ll read you a bit of my book before you go to your room.”

“Thanks.” He climbed into her bed, settling into her arms and soaking up as much of that warmth as he could before the moment came when she’d inevitably cast him from her bed and back out into the dark.

“Breathe, habibi. I have you.”

His feet felt like they were coated in concrete as he stood helplessly by the door and watched Lena sob into Nana’s shoulder. All night, Lena had done her damndest to look determined and strong, and for the most part, she did. She almost always did in Jake’s eyes. Now, however, she looked so small. Now, it was like he was seeing that thirteen-year-old girl that she’d kept buried.

The pain was so visceral, he’d wondered how she’d ever managed to hide it at all. Is this how she always feels? He wondered, still unable to tear his eyes from her shaking form. That thought alone made him feel an undeniable surge of rage and guilt that almost made him want to throw up. Useless. You’re fucking useless even now. Especially now.

It took every ounce of his control not to march out the door, Dom’s order damned. One look at Patrick and Peter told him they felt the same. Both brothers stood with their backs to the counter, Abdul firmly planted in front of them, both giving some speech he couldn’t hear. But, by the looks on their faces, it was something they’d heard before.

Jake wasn’t used to this feeling. He’d made it a point not to get close enough to anyone but Simone, so he wouldn’t have to feel twice as useless as he usually did. He hadn’t expected this - any of it. It was real in that horrifying way that made him want to run as far away as he could get. If it had been anyone else, he probably would have already been gone. It wasn’t just anyone, though. It was her. His Lena.

So, no matter how horrible he felt just standing there like some useless dumbass, Jake’s feet were planted. Nothing was going to pull him away from her side. Not even the phone that had begun buzzing in his pocket.

*

Not even Nana’s steady arms wrapped around me could pull me from the torrent of memories. It felt like it was all flashing right before my eyes - like I was living it all over again and nothing could stop it. All I could do was sob and brokenly hold onto her.

I just want it to be over, I thought, only half listening to her prayer. I just want it to end.

The bells chimed, and Dom’s familiarly heavy footsteps echoed across the floor. I could hear him talking to my brothers, to Jake, but their words were muffled and muddled in an incoherent slew. As their noise faded, and his steps began to approach, Nana’s arms tightened around me. “Is it safe, Dominic?”

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. Safe. Even the word felt like a trap, but it still made me stop sobbing.

Nana kissed my head and gently pulled my face up to meet hers. Gentle hands wiped the tears from my eyes as she smiled. “You are safe, habibi.”

Dom’s hand landed on my shoulder. “He’s not here.”

“Not anymore,” I mumbled. “But he was.”

“Can I talk to her, Nan?” he asked.

The old woman glanced at him and then back at me, hesitating to let go until I gave her that nod. I took a few deep breaths, trying to clear my head and put that strong, fearless mask back on. “I’m okay.”

“Habibi,” she whispered, pressing her head to mine and uttering one more prayer before she finally stood and let Dom take her seat.

He took a single glance at me and then lifted his eyes to the room of people. “Give us a minute.”

Before the protesting could begin, I raised my hand and looked back at my brothers and Jake. “I’m fine. Really. I just… I need to talk to Dom.”

I tried not to let the hurt in their eyes sit with me too long, but Jake’s… it settled quicker than it should have. Guilt and insecurity after insecurity bubbled up beneath my skin the longer I looked at his sad, concerned, beautiful face. Nana and Abdul were the first to move, gently pulling Peter into agreement. Patrick eventually swallowed the anger that was so clear on his face and bumped Jake’s shoulder. “Let’s go, little brother.”

Jake paused a second longer, those ocean eyes I knew so well, swimming with everything I never wanted to see in them. Here it comes, I told myself. He starts hating you tonight. “I’ll be right outside,” he said, as though he’d read my mind and needed me to hear him.

The bells chimed again, and silence smothered everything else. Dom waited until they’d stopped entirely before he spoke. “Do you want to know what he left?”

“No,” I answered, instantly, shaking my head. “I just want it gone.”

“Done.” He sighed, slowly reaching out to take my hand. “There were no other signs of him. He’s not lurking in some corner.”

“Ozzy, Quinn, Prue… everyone at the party…” I mumbled. “I need to make sure they’re safe.”

“Already done.” Dom lowered his head, meeting my frantic gaze. “Breathe. Everyone’s safe.”

I wiped away another tear. “We need to check the gym.”

“Lena,” he whispered, taking hold of my face. “I already did it. Everything has been taken care of. Everything is safe.”

A ragged breath stuttered from my lips as I whimpered, “He was in my apartment.”

Dom’s jaw locked. “I know. I… I’m sorry I didn’t see it coming.”

I didn’t see it coming either. It all felt so fucking helpless. Each year, it was the same song and dance, and yet I could never predict what he’d do. My shoulders slacked, and for the first time in a long time, I let myself be absolutely honest. “I’m tired, Dom. I’m so fucking tired.”

He pulled me into his arms. “I know, kid. I know.”

Ever since that night in the snow, I’d been surviving by the scrape of my teeth and bruises on my knuckles. Every year, every new fucked up way Tony could think to fuck with me, I’d kept clinging to the life I’d fought for. When my dad was alive, it felt easier. It was like he and I were holding the same boulder up, keeping it from crushing everyone else, and now that he wasn’t, I felt the full weight of it all on my shoulders.

After his passing, I’d forged myself invisible armor, hellbent on fulfilling that silent promise we’d made to each other. Be strong. Be fearless. No matter what happens, take care of them. At first, it had been easy - easier at least - but as the years rolled by and Tony’s cruelty got worse and worse, I could feel myself sinking further and further until it felt like there was no armor at all.

“Sink or swim.”

“Whoever they are, wherever they are, if I want them dead, then they die. You’d do well to remember that.

“I hope you know what you’re getting them into.”

“Just breathe, Lena,” Dom urged.

I squeezed my eyes shut, counting each breath and trying to listen to Dom’s voice. Without opening my eyes, for fear of letting loose more tears, I whispered, “I don’t ever want to go back there again.”

Dom sighed. “I’ll have my boys pack it all up and bring it to the gym.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for this, kid. It never shoulda happened.” Before I could argue back or make an excuse, Dom stood. “Let’s get you home, okay?”

I didn’t have it in me to answer. All I could do was force my body to move, holding Dom’s hand in mine as we stepped out into the cold night. The walk to the gym was silent, save for the howling of the wind, and I was grateful for it.

Talking meant questions. Questions meant answers. And answers meant more memories dug to the surface. None of which I wanted to deal with tonight.

Almost every single biker in Dom’s crew was standing outside the gym. The ones missing were, I could only assume, out watching everyone else. Once we reached the door, he squeezed my hand and smiled down at me. “You good from here?”

“Yeah,” I answered. “I’ll… I’ll figure it out.”

“Good. I’ll get to work then.”

“Thank you, Dom.”

He pressed his thumb to my forehead, and I wished the simple act would calm that rage of thoughts and old voices inside it. “Try to get some sleep.”

I weakly smiled. “Yeah, you too.”

My brothers had taken Jake upstairs by the time I stepped inside. Part of me wanted nothing more than to follow them and curl into his warm embrace, but how could I? How could I force him to comfort me without offering any sort of answer as to why I even needed it?

Everyone else had some of the story, varying degrees of it anyway, but they all knew what it was I tried to forget. Jake was new. Too new to dump all of my trauma onto. And maybe too new for me to risk losing.

Old, ugly words curled up inside my chest. “After all you’ve done, baby girl, I’m the only one that will ever understand.”

Swallowing the bitter burn of rage, I turned away from the stairs and turned toward the ring. I dragged an old dummy into the center with me and started punching. My fists ached as the bare skin of my knuckles met the rough material of the dummy. Yet, despite the pain, a sense of relief came with each hit.

*

It was a little awkward, sitting at the Harrow table in the dead of night, listening to the faint sounds of punching going on downstairs. Peter looked exhausted, eyes staring at the door standing between him and his sister. Patrick looked worse, pacing and doing random tasks to keep his hands busy. It reminded him too much of that night and the lie he’d been holding in every moment since.

He watched the hands on the clock move, expecting that when they hit a certain point, the punches would stop and she’d make her way upstairs. Then, at least, he could hug her - hold her - and do whatever it was he could to make sure she felt safe. But the hands just kept moving, and the punches showed no signs of stopping.

A loud clatter and a scream echoed up the stairs. Jake stood and moved before he could even think about it. It didn’t matter what danger he’d be faced with; the only thing he knew was that scream was hers. She needed him. I have to be brave, that small voice said deep inside him. She needs me. He only made it a few steps down before Patrick’s hand curled around his arm and pulled him back. “You gotta leave it.”

Her screams were laced with sobs that made his body burn. She needs me. He could feel the wetness of his tears begin to slide down his cheeks, but he was powerless to stop it.“I… I can’t.”

“Come on, little brother,” Pat urged, carefully leading him back into the apartment. “You gotta let her have this.”

Though he hated to admit it, and he’d deny it tooth and nail later, crying - even if it was only a few tears - actually made him feel better. Neither Peter nor Patrick said anything about it. Hell, they’d even comforted him. Jake was just glad it’d been them. At least he knew they understood.

Hours passed before the sounds finally stopped. Peter lifted his head from the table and listened carefully. “You think she’s out yet?”

Patrick shrugged. “It’s been bout ten minutes.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

The gym looked rough, like a tornado had swept through it. Sandbags had been knocked over, gloves and wrappings strewn about, and dummies dragged from their usual locations. Jake didn’t care about any of that, though, as he stepped over the mess and rushed to the side of the ring where the shape of Lena was curled up in the center of the mat.

He’d almost called out to her, stopped only by the sight of her back rising and falling with each breath she took. The brothers cleaned the place up as quietly as they could until it was like none of it had even happened. Jake couldn’t bring himself to help them. He couldn’t bring himself to even look away from her until Patrick nudged him. “Scoot for a second.”

All he could manage was a step back, allowing Patrick to slide into his place and toss half of an old quilt into the ring. Peter appeared on the other side, slowly sliding half his body into the ring to grab the other corner and pull it over Lena’s body. She’d moved slightly, but didn’t wake up.

“Well,” Peter sighed, joining him and Patrick on the other side of the ring for a moment, giving Jake a tiny bump on the shoulder as he passed. “You survived your first crashout.”

Patrick slapped him on the shoulder. “Welcome to the crew, little brother.”

“I’ve been here for months,” he argued, albeit half-heartedly - exhaustedly.

“Yeah, but this was your first time seein’ her this low.” First time. God, how many times was this going to happen? He’d be there for each one, but… part of him worried just how much he’d be able to take before he, too, began to crack. “And you did surprisingly well.”

Peter nodded as he pulled a pile of spare blankets and pillows out of one of the cupboards in the back room of the gym. “I was expecting you to fuck up.”

He scoffed, catching one of the tossed pillows. “Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Nothing personal,” the elder brother assured with a sad smile. “We all fucked up a bit in the beginning.”

“Think of it like a rite of passage,” Pat encouraged. “You fuck up and boom, you’re in with the gang.”

“Does my pending membership have any perks?” Jake followed their lead, picking a comfortable adjacent corner of the gym to set up his pillow and blanket.

Both brothers turned and glanced at Lena, still asleep on the mat. “Just one.”

Jake watched her for a long moment, watching her restlessly twitch and toss and turn. All he wanted to do was climb up, pull her in close, and protect her from whatever danger came their way. Deep down, he doubted he could protect her, not from the horrors lodged in her mind so deeply they haunted her even in sleep. He’d still try, though. He had to.

For Lena, he’d do whatever he could. Fuck up or not. He was hers, and he’d be damned if he didn’t act like it.

After what felt like forever, Jake finally closed his eyes. He listened to the sound of her breathing, silently reminding himself that she was there… safe… alive. He didn’t sleep well, but all things considered, he’d had worse.

The next morning, he woke to a gentle boot to the shoulder. With sleep still clinging to his vision, he glared up at the biker now staring down at him. Upon seeing Dom again, he sat up and rubbed the crust from his eyes, quickly asking, “What’s goin’ on?”

Dom scoffed. “Relax, tough guy. I’m just here to relieve you of babysitting duty.”

“What?”

“You should go home.”

Jake’s eyes narrowed as he stared back. Go home? Like leave? “Why the fuck would I do that?”

Dom smiled, only a little, as though the answer impressed him. “Take a shower and do whatever else you gotta to process the shit that just went down.”

The reminder of it all suddenly made Jake’s gaze shift to the mat, where Lena was still curled up beneath the covers. He breathed out a relieved sigh and shook his head. “I’m fine.”

With that, Dom knelt in front of him, a serious look in his eyes. “No, you aren’t, and that’s okay.” After a long moment, he stood again and turned toward the stairs. “Take some time, Jake. You need it.”

Jake didn’t know how long he sat on the floor of the gym that morning, just watching the rise and fall of Lena’s chest, but it was apparently long enough. Peter and Patrick moved around the space as quietly as they could, acting as though this was simply business as usual. Fuck, maybe it is.

He’d gotten the speech the day before. He’d been filled in on the do’s and the don’ts and what to do if things did go wrong, so clearly there was some semblance of “normal” in the routine he was now witnessing. The reality, however, only made him angrier. This shouldn’t be normal, he thought bitterly. This is fucking insane. It shouldn’t even be happening. Jake watched Lena for a minute more before he finally stood up and stretched out the tight muscles that now ached from sleeping on the floor.

After he felt like he could actually move again, he picked up his pillow and blanket, returning them to the cupboard Peter had pulled them out of last night, and took watch. He leaned back against the front desk of the gym, eyes fixed on Lena for a minute before they turned and scanned the street outside.

The brothers left him be for a few minutes, but eventually they migrated over. “Can’t stand there all day, little brother.”

“I’m just waiting,” he answered.

“For?”

For her to wake up, he thought. For that son of a bitch to walk through the door.

Patrick looked like he understood without Jake having to actually say any of it. “I get it. I do, but life’s gonna keep moving, and you need to move with it.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” He shook his head and shrugged. “It means you can’t get stuck in this moment, this fear. Shit’s gonna happen, and you’re gonna have to learn to roll with the punches.”

Jake looked over at the ring, at Lena still passed out inside it. “You tell her that?”

He scoffed. “Who do you think the speech was originally for? Our old man was damn good with words, and those are his.”

Peter leaned against the desk beside him. “We know, just as well as you do, that being here… sitting with this… It’s not your only responsibilities.”

“I’ve gotta get back and feed the damn cat,” he said eventually, quietly, eyes never leaving Lena.

Patrick gave him that signature hearty pat on the back. “Then get to it.”

“I…” he sighed, running his hands down his face. The exhaustion was hitting him harder than he thought it would. “I don’t wanna leave her.”

It was Peter’s turn to wrap an arm around his shoulder and give him a firm shake. “Go take care of what you have to. She’ll understand.”

Realistically, he knew that Lena wouldn’t hold it against him. She knew about the cat, hell, she loved the fuckin thing just as much as he did. But, after all he’d seen last night, Jake struggled with letting her out of his sight. What if something else happens when I’m gone? What if I’m not here and she runs off? His mind ran rampant with the memories of her barely treading water, that head of red vanishing beneath the waves. What if-

“Oi,” Pat said quietly, shoving Jake’s head. “Get outta there.”

“You can play what if with yourself all day, Jake,” Peter added. “It’s not gonna help.”

The big copper-haired man smiled, and for the first time in hours, it actually made Jake feel just a little bit better. “We’ve got this. It ain’t like this is our first day on the job.”

He glanced at both brothers and rubbed his eyes. “I just…”

“You just care.” Peter nodded, an appreciative look on his equally tired features. “We know. And so does she.”

With a gentle, but firm shove, Patrick corralled him to the door. “Get outta here, little brother. I’ll call you if she needs anything.”

His back pressed against the door, and his chest ached as he stared back at her. “I’ll be back.” He didn’t really know if he was saying it to her, or them, or to himself, but it was ultimately the only thing that lessened that hurt inside him and allowed him to walk out the door.

I’ll be back. The whole way home, he kept repeating it to himself. I’ll be back.

Hemingway was pissed the moment he walked through the door. Long limbs stretched out from the corner of the island and swatted angrily at his legs as he dished up his food. “Sorry, Hem. It was a longer night than I thought it’d be.”

Like a fool, he thought back on the original plan last night. Lena had been smiling - happy - after her break outside. They’d only gone to her apartment to grab her some clothes and her toothbrush before heading back to his place. He’d had it all planned out, even went shopping so he could finally make her one of the proper breakfasts he owed.

I should have just said she could wear my clothes and use my toothbrush. At least then… He shook his head. Deep down, he knew it wouldn’t have really changed anything. Sure, they’d have gotten an extra day without… this, but she would have had to go back at some point. It still would have been waiting, and god only knew what would have happened if she’d returned alone.

He set Hemingway’s bowl on the ground and watched the small cat eat for a minute before it all just boiled over. Angry tears pricked at his eyes and ran hot down his cheeks. With a frustrated cry, he threw the spoon he still held into the sink and screamed. “FUCK”

That morning, he let himself fall apart. He let himself be pissed and destroy his apartment in some tragic attempt to feel in control. He’d apologize to Hem when it was all said and done, and then he’d return to Lena’s side. Even if she just wanted him to sit in silence with her, he’d do it. He’d do anything for her.

*

I boxed for another hour after I woke up. Throwing punch after punch until my knuckles were rubbed raw and aching. All the while I watched Dom’s bikers shuffle in and out, box after box of my old apartment filtering in with them. There goes my freedom, I thought bitterly.

It’d taken me months of careful planning and an insane amount of luck to even find that apartment. My dad had been so happy that I was going to be close by, and he’d helped fix every appliance and paint every wall. So, losing it now almost felt like losing him all over again.

Eventually, I dragged myself up the stairs and stood in the shower, beneath the hot spray of water for another hour. Everything felt numb. The pain in my hands, the hoarseness of my throat, even the pit that had been lodged in my chest since last night now felt dulled.

It was typical, really, losing something that had meant more to me than I thought. I shouldn’t be surprised. This is what he does. He’ll take and take and take until I have nothing left but him.

As if on cue, a frustrated, slightly pained shout echoed through the walls as Patrick tripped on the edge of the table. My lips quirked up in an instant, a dry laugh filling the quiet. I’m not alone. I breathed, trying to will that one thought - that single reality - cancel out everything else. He can’t take them from me.

“Hey, Lee,” Patrick called. “We’re cooking breakfast, you wanna help?”

“Sure,” I answered. That was normal. That was something that would help get rid of the lingering anger.

My brothers and I worked side by side. Patrick was on bacon duty while Peter got the bread ready for toast. I was just pulling the plates out from the cupboard when a knock on the door stopped us all in our tracks.

Patrick answered, visibly relaxing once the door was open. “It’s Sam.”

I, however, didn’t relax. Sam was amazing in every sense. Honest, kind, and good. Genuinely good. So good it used to make me feel horrible about myself. The only time Sam and I ever had any problems was when Tony showed up and caused trouble. Sam, being the good, honest person he was, fought tooth and nail to have me report him to the police. He fought so hard, I actually did it once, not that it amounted to anything other than Tony’s increased rage.

Though I loved Sam, trusted him with my life, I didn’t want to argue. So, I turned away from the door - from the blonde man now stepping into our apartment. “Hey, I… I heard about what happened last night. Figured I’d come check in.”

“It’s over now,” I answered. “I’m fine.”

“That’s good,” he said quietly. “Do you need anything?”

With a shake of my head, I fought against the rising urge to yell at him. “There’s nothing else to do, Sam.”

“You can report it.”

I rolled my eyes, slamming the dishes down into the sink. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

Peter reached out, trying to soothe the anger that now boiled over. “Lena-”

“What do you expect to happen?” I demanded, turning to glare at him. “That all the corrupt cops will just magically vanish, and something resembling justice will take place?”

“I don’t know,” Sam admitted. “But we can at least try.”

“I have tried. I stood in that fucking courtroom and testified against him, and where did it get me?” I practically threw my hands up at the very thought of it all. The urge to pull my hair and scream until my lungs exploded filled me with that all too familiar burn of rage. “Wake up, Sam. Your precious justice doesn’t fucking exist. Not here. Not with this.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Then you’re either fucking stupid or naive. Dealers’ choice.”

Sam hid his hurt well, though; this wasn’t exactly his first rodeo, nor the first time we’d had this particular argument. “I’m just trying to help.”

Help. The word felt like acid being thrown at me. All anyone wanted to do was help me. All they wanted was to do whatever they could, however they could, to ease the pain and the anger and the complete hopelessness that clung to me every winter. And all I could bring myself to feel was fucking anger.

I could never admit it to any of them, but their help… their constant coddling and questions just festered inside me. Eating away at all my rational thoughts and all my love for each one of them until the only thing that I could do was lash out. It always happened, even when Dad had been alive. Someone would say something, do something, so obviously catered to make me feel better that I couldn’t stop myself. Every year it hurt, and every year the only thing I could do to alleviate it was to make someone else hurt.

I hated it. I hated him. But, most of all, I hated myself… hated the monster I’d let him turn me into.

“Lena,” Sam whispered, soft and caring. “Please let me help.”

The reaction was instant, like fire meeting gasoline. All my fear and my fury exploded, twisting me and everything I felt until nothing else remained. “To hell with your help! Get out!” I screamed in his face. “Get the fuck out, Pig!”

Sam took it without flinching. He stood there and let me scream at him, shove him, and in the end, he took one look at my face and smiled. Fucking asshole! He gathered his things and never once stopped smiling at me. “I’m sorry. Just… call me if you need me, okay?”

“FUCK OFF!”

The apartment fell into a stiff silence the moment the door shut behind him. I could feel their fear in the very air I breathed. They’re terrified of me, I pitifully thought, turning my back to the door and leaning over the sink of now cracked plates. Maybe they should be.

After a long few minutes, Peter cleared his throat. “So, no cops?”

Patrick chuckled as the tension broke almost instantly. “Looks like we do it to good old fashioned way.”

“There’s nothing to do,” I insisted, not able to actually turn and face them. “Just… leave it to Dom.”

“Lee,” Peter sighed. “We’re family. We’re not just gonna roll over and let this asshole fuck with you.”

I shook my head and forced the tears in my eyes to remain. “That’s exactly what you’re gonna do. All of you. Please.”

“Oh, to hell with that! He’s gotta fuckin pay!”

“LEAVE IT!” I screamed, finally turning. “Do you hear yourselves?! What the fuck are you gonna do? Are we all just forgetting what the fuck happens every single time anyone does anything? Dad got the shit beat out of him the first time. Quinn almost got hit by a fucking car! Patrick got too close, and he almost got shot!”

“I got shot,” Patrick grumbled.

“You got grazed,” Peter hissed back.

My fingers tangled themselves in my hair, pulling as tightly as I could. “It doesn’t matter! Just… for the love of God, just leave it alone!”

Patrick was visibly angry now, arms tightly crossed over his chest and face set in a line. “If you’re so concerned, then why ain’t you stopping Dom from doin’ shit?”

“Because Dom doesn’t fucking listen.” I shook my head. “Do you actually believe that I’m not fucking terrified about what’s going to happen to him?”

His face softened. “That’s not-”

“I am fucking terrified all the time! For every fucking one of you idiots!” A sob echoed in the apartment as my composure finally wore down. “If Dom dies, then that’s on me too. And if one of you…” I practically collapsed.

My brothers were up, their arms winding around me in seconds as I sobbed into both their chests. “Okay, okay. We’ll stay out of it.”

“Yeah,” Patrick agreed. “It’s okay.”

“I… I can’t do it again…” I choked out. “I can’t lose anyone else.”

“You won’t,” Peter promised.

“We’re right here, little sis.” Patrick pressed a kiss to my head. “Always.”

After that, breakfast was simple: half-burnt bacon and toast served on paper plates. Peter had apologized a hundred times for it, but the crisp flavor actually helped lull my body back into a sense of normal. Ozzy had dropped by at the first chance he got. His guilt for leaving early had clearly been eating away at him since he’d gotten Dom’s message. He’d held me close as the bikers continued to filter through with boxes, and promised me we’d get everything figured out.

If only I’d been able to fully believe him.

*

Lena was already gone when Jake finally managed to drag himself back to the gym. Peter insisted she needed time to clear her head. Patrick said she needed space. Even Ozzy was of the mind that letting her disappear for a few hours was good. “Maybe she’ll find whatever she needs to, to help her get back up on her feet.”

Jake, however, didn’t buy any of it. She didn’t need to be alone; she needed people - her people now more than ever. Everyone else had just been too focused on trying to help her the way she wanted, or thought she wanted, to be. Damn what she wants, he’d stubbornly thought. I’m gonna be there for her whether she wants me to be or not.

Maybe it was his old insecurities finally coming back to the surface after years of being buried, or maybe he just couldn’t stand the thought of her alone. It hardly mattered. Especially if he couldn’t find her.

He walked up to the junkyard warehouse, waving at the bikers as he passed by. “Dom here?”

The large man in front of the door nodded, stepping to the side to let Jake pass. “He’s in the back.”

“Thanks.”

The space was large and practically empty save for some old parts and bikes. He could hear Dom in the very back of the room talking on the phone in another language. Once Jake got close enough for the biker to see, he quickly hung up. “Tough guy. Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I’m lookin’ for Lena,” he answered.

“Yeah?” Dom’s brow quirked. “And you think that’s a good idea?”

“Don’t know, and I don’t care. I can’t just leave her to sit with this by herself.”

With a shrug, Dom considered his words for a minute. “She’s at an old warehouse in Queens. There’s a fight starting in an hour, and she wanted in.”

The realization dawned on Jake quickly. “You’ve known where she was this whole time?”

“Of course I did,” he scoffed. “You think I’m just gonna let her go without one of my guys right behind her? I’m not stupid, and I’m certainly not careless.”

“Send me the address?”

He nodded. “Hope she’s happy to see you, tough guy cause if she’s not… god help that pretty face of yours.”

“Yeah, yeah, just send it.”

Jake should have known a fight was where she’d snuck off to. Most girls would’ve gone shopping, or to a friend’s to drink cheap wine, or to some shitty movie. Lena Harrow was not like most people. She was rash and impulsive, yet calculating and careful. She was a walking contradiction. And he loved it.

He’d sped to address Dom had sent him just in time to watch her step into the makeshift ring. It was a relief to lay eyes on her again, and he could only hope she felt the same when she finally noticed him. He settled into the back of the warehouse next to her familiar bag and waited.

Watching her move in the shitty ring, dodging hits and landing even more, reminded him of the first time he’d seen her fight. Blood, sweat, and the tears of her opponents kept her standing when anyone else would have called it quits. She doesn’t give up easy, he thought with that sense of satisfied pride. Not my Lena.

As her fifth opponent hit the floor, she finally turned, tired eyes finding his through the crowd. A glimmer appeared as she realized that he was really there. And that made it all worth it to Jake. That’s right, he thought to her. I’m here, princess. I came for you.

She smiled, actually smiled at him. God, she was beautiful, even exhausted and bruised and bleeding. And Jake loved it.

*

The match had been over for a while, yet I sat in the alley outside still unable to keep my hands from shaking. My body felt exhausted. Each of my limbs was heavy and bruised from round after round of dodging and weaving and getting hit just enough times to keep the fight going. I should have felt better. At the very least, I should have felt nothing.

Guess he’s taken that from me, too.

Jake sat beside me, tending to every scrape along my knuckles and every bruise that looked just a bit too dark for his liking. He fussed in silence, though I could practically see the questions swirling around his head like a tornado. The longer his fingers gently caressed my skin, the harder it became to ignore just how safe I was beginning to feel around him.

I’d seen the buildup over our friendship; it’d been almost impossible not to. A reassuring smile that erased every horrible thought in my head. A perfectly timed joke that would snap me right out of a would-be spiral. A touch. A phrase. Even just his presence - just knowing that he was there had become enough. Everything felt different with Jake. He didn’t back down or shrink away from anything I threw at him, and that was dangerous.

How long would it be before I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out every single horrible detail to him? I could already feel the ties I’d bound the truth with beginning to loosen. I’d already told him too much completely by accident.

Jake was dangerous because every second I spent with him, the deeper my feelings grew. And if they grew too deep - if I was too selfish with him, then he’d become a target just like all the others. And that… that terrified me more than anything.

After the silence had become too much for him to continue ignoring, Jake sighed and looked at me closely. “Did that help?”

I should have lied, but, just like always, I found myself being a little too honest with him. “Not as much as it should have.”

“Maybe you should try something else then?”

“We can always go get wasted,” I offered.

He smirked. “Very true. Or… you could tell me what you’re feeling.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the way I’d almost done it without question. “You’re too curious for your own good.”

“Yeah, it’s a curse,” he deadpanned back. “But, I’m serious. You said last time that telling me - talking about it helped.”

“This is different.”

“How?”

“It just is.”

“You can talk about it,” Jake eventually whispered. “Or you can let it kill you.”

“It’s already killed me,” I answered, not daring to meet his eyes. “Parts of me, anyway. Parts I’ll never get back.”

“Well, let’s not let it take anything else.”

“It’s not that simple.” I shook my head. “The second I tell you, everything changes and I… I don’t want it to.”

Jake scoffed, pulling my eyes to him. “Just a few months ago, you said you didn’t wanna sleep with me cause you’d lose me.” He stretched his arms out and grinned. “Yet, I’m still here, ain’t I?”

“That was different.”

“Hey.” His fingers curled under my chin, tilting my head back to look at him. “I’m not going anywhere. No matter what you say, no matter what happens, I’ll be right here.”

For a long minute, all I could do was watch him the way I watched everyone else. Any minute now, his face will change. The mask will fall, and I’ll see it… that disgust. Jake’s eyes glistened. The sharp colors of them filled with a hope and adoration that never vanished, no matter how long I stared.

Then, it dawned on me. I believed him, actually, truly believed him.

In another, stupid and entirely idiotic moment where he’d caught me perfectly off guard, I sighed. “The gift that got left in my apartment… It was from a guy.”

“I’m assuming that would be the psychotic ex you mentioned,” he replied calmly.

“Yeah.” I gently pulled my face out of his grasp and looked anywhere but at him. “He’s a family friend of my mom, so… we spent a lot of time together while I lived with her. His family is rich, some cigar empire or something, so he’d always shower me with expensive gifts and trips around the world. I thought…” I had to pause to breathe through the tightness in my chest. “I thought we were friends for a long time, and then he… he wanted more.”

Jake took in every word carefully. I could feel his mind working, putting pieces of that hideous puzzle together. It’s only a matter of time before he fills in the blanks. It scared me more than anything else, the moment he’d finally know. “How long were you two together?”

Together. The word made my skin crawl. “On and off for a year or two and then…” I shoved the memory of Francios back down. “Three years after that.”

“That’s a long time,” he replied. “When… How…”

I glanced back at him, taking in the way his face contorted with the effort he was making to try to ask his question delicately. “When did he go crazy?”

“Yeah.”

“I… Looking back on it, I think he was crazy the whole time, and I just didn’t notice, or was too scared to.” With a quick shake of the head, I dug my nails into my palm. “But, it started getting really bad towards the end.”

He lifted his hand slowly, fingers brushing against the scar on my shoulder. “He’s the one who gave you this?”

Clearing my throat, I nodded, surprised that I hadn’t recoiled from his touch as I had so many others. “It was the first snowfall of the season. I’d… pissed him off.”

The words made Jake angry. I could feel it as he forced himself to keep breathing. I’d expected him to need a minute, like Patrick often did; instead, his hand slid from my shoulder, taking hold of mine and gently prying it open, replacing the brunt force of my nails against my skin with his warm palm. His gaze was soft, still so full of that bright, adoring light. “Thank you for opening up to me. I’m not trying to… pressure you into answering all my questions, I just wanna be… prepared. I want to actually be able to help you if - when it gets bad.”

“You do help me,” I said, almost like a whisper against him. “I don’t know how, but you just… always know what to say or do. You make it… easier to get through til the morning.”

The words seemed to register with him deeper than he expected. He set his head against mine and just breathed with me as the distant sounds of a new fight started to fill the quiet. As much as it frustrated and terrified me, Jake was right… talking about ti did make me feel better.

Eventually, Jake stood, hand in mine as he pulled me with him. “Come on, princess.”

“Where are we going?”

“Dinner,” he answered. “I can hear your stomach growling from here.”

I’d thought about arguing, or coming up with some sassy quip, but just as I opened my mouth, my stomach growled loud enough to bring a smirk to Jake’s face. “Not a word.”

Nana’s was busy, but apparently not too busy for us. The second the old woman spotted us through the window, she shoved a group of Dom’s bikers out of their seats and ushered us inside, where her arms wrapped around me. “Oh, my dear!” She pulled back and smiled. “You look better today.”

“Thanks, Nan.”

“Still too thin, though!” She tutted, glancing at Jake. “You too! Come, come, sit, and I will have Abdul bring you everything!”

We sat down across from each other, shoving the bikers’ left behind pack of cigarettes and lighters into the corner. A sense of normal slowly began to replace the leftover fear and anger my body had been clinging to. We laughed and ate until our stomachs were ready to burst, and I loved every second of it. It felt like nothing was wrong - like nothing could go wrong.

Nana piled our arms full of boxes and squeezed my cheek. “Thank you for helping, habibi!”

“Always, Nana,” I answered, kissing her cheek.

She stopped Jake with a hug and one of her prayers. “Don’t be strangers!”

“And live without your food? Not a chance,” he replied.

“Sweet talker,” Nana laughed, pinching his cheek. “Stay out of trouble, habibi’s.”

Prue and Katie were standing by the cash register when we walked in, and judging by her happy squeal, we were right on time. She pulled their boxes out of my hands and quickly began digging into them while Jake and I just stood there. I scoffed, tapping Prue’s shoulder. “Rude! Not even a thank you?”

“Thank you,” she quickly signed to both Jake and me.

“No problem,” Jake signed back.

“You’re welcome.” I looked around at the spotless parlour. “Busy day?”

She set her fork down and nodded. “I had a full day booked! Didn’t even have time for lunch. Hence the desperation.”

“I feel ya, but hey, at least you’re making good money.”

“Yeah, but I can’t wait to get off and see Will. We’ve both been so busy this week, it’s like we haven’t seen each other at all!”

“Sorry, that sucks.” I rubbed her shoulder.

“I miss him. And I miss getting railed b-”

I looked away from her hands, shaking my head at Jake as he asked what she was saying. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

Prue slapped my shoulder. “Thanks for dropping this off. Now get outta here so we can finish up, and I can go get laid.”

“Happy humping.”

“Did you just say happy humping?” Jake asked the second we were out the door.

I glanced at him, grinning. “Do you really want me to tell you about Will and Prue’s sex life?”

He made a face. “Nope.”

“That’s what I thought.”

The strip club was just getting into the swing of the night when we snuck in through the back. Everywhere we looked was covered in boobs and brightly colored outfits being tossed around. Jake kept his head down. “Why are you looking at your shoes?”

“I’m not gonna look at the stages, what if Quinn’s on?”

“Aww,” I teased, bumping into him. “You guys really are like siblings, now aren’t you?”

“Oh, can it.” He shoved me back.

Thankfully, for his sake, Quinn was still in the back fully clothed. She wiggled her fingers at us and happily accepted her mountain of boxes. “At last!”

“You’re welcome,” I sang.

“Yeah, thanks or whatever.”

“Rude. You and Prue.”

“Prue was rude?”

“Yeah, she’s apparently not getting laid enough.”

Jake made a disgusted noise and turned towards the door. Quinn laughed, mischievously wiggling her brows. “And are you getting laid enough?”

I smirked back at her. “Do you really want to know? Jake’s like your brother now.”

“I’m asking about your sex life, not his.”

“She’s sleeping with me,” Jake practically shouted from his place across the room.

“I just wanna make sure she’s enjoying it!” Quinn yelled back.

With an evil smile, I shrugged and, as casually as I could, said, “I mean, I could tell you about the thing he does with his tongue.” Quinn gagged, and Jake’s face turned red as he started pulling me out of the room. “What? I thought you wanted to know how good my sex life was!”

I was laughing the whole walk to Ozzy’s. “You done yet?”

“Hell no!” I happily replied. “I’m gonna be making both your lives miserable for the foreseeable future.”

Peter and Isaac were already curled up together in a booth when Jake and I walked in and made our way to the bar. Ozzy reached over and cupped my cheek. “How are you feeling, darling?”

With a soft breath, I smiled back at him. “Better.”

“Good.” Oz glanced at Jake. “And you?”

“A bit mortified, but fine.”

“Mortified?”

“I was teasing him and Quinn,” I proudly announced.

The big man grimaced. “Say no more. I’ll get you something strong, Jake.”

One by one, my mob of family and friends made their way to Ozzy’s. Their crude jokes and laughter eased the sting of Tony’s “gift”. Seeing them all safe and happy, it was enough for me to forget everything else, for a little while at least.

Jake’s body pressed against mine as he settled deeper into the booth beside me. I curled into him without even thinking twice. Having him here was more than enough too.

*

“So you’re really moving out?” Ari asked after a shot.

“Yep,” Lena replied, clearly not happy but not struggling to talk about it anymore.

“I’m sorry, Tiger,” she cooed before instantly perking up. “You can come stay with me!”

Lena shifted awkwardly. “That’s very sweet of you, but I couldn’t impose like that.”

“Oh come on, we’d have so much fun!”

“Thanks, but I’ll honestly probably just stay with my brothers for a while.”

“No fun,” Ari grumbled.

Quinn’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure that’s gonna be okay? I know how much you hate being crowded.”

Lena shrugged. “I’ll make it work.”

The couple vacated, announcing another round of drinks, and Jake’s pocket felt heavy all of a sudden. He’d grabbed the spare key to his apartment before leaving. It’d been impulsive and maybe stupid of him to even think Lena would want to have it, yet he couldn’t shake the urge to ask her anyway.

“You can stay with me,” Jake finally offered, his chest filled with an anxious tension that wasn’t quite good or quite bad.

Lena’s reply was exactly what he’d expected. Avoidant, noncommittal. “I don’t think you understand what you’re offering.”

Stubborn, he thought as he took the glass out of her hand and looked down at her with a grin. “I know exactly what I’m offering, princess.”

He held out the extra key he’d been carrying all day. Lena looked up at him with a shocked expression that made her look adorable. She quickly shook her head. “Jake, that’s…”

“Take it,” he interrupted. “Just in case.”

She sat there and stared at it for a moment before quickly snatching it out of his hands and burying it in her pocket. “Not another word.”

He had to chew on his cheek to keep himself from uttering one of the five sarcastic quips that came to mind. “Sure thing.”

As the night continued, they listened to whatever story Quinn was telling, or tried to. Everyone was tired, but unwilling to admit it for one reason or another. Jake was about to call it when Lena suddenly shifted against him. Her hands ran down his body, rummaging through his pockets and jacket. “Can I help you?”

Her fingers curled around his pack of cigarettes, and she grinned. “Can I bum one of these?”

He pulled his lighter out of the opposite pocket and handed it to her. “Go nuts, princess.”

“You coming with?”

“I’ll meet you out there,” he answered, holding up his half-empty beer.

She pressed her lips to his, waving off their friends hollering. “See you in a bit. Try not to get your ass kicked on your way out!”

Once she’d vanished in the crowd, Quinn smiled at him, holding Ari under her arm as she laughed, “Aren’t you two just adorable?!”

He chugged the rest of his drink and rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Never!” She yelled back as he walked away.

Ozzy happily accepted his cash. “You two turning in for the night?”

“I think so,” he answered. “She’s havin’ a quick smoke, and then I’ll try to convince her to go to sleep.”

“Good luck,” the big man laughed. “Maybe she’ll actually listen to you.”

He quickly crossed his fingers and made his way out the back door into the first alley between the bar and gym. He’d gotten to the top step of the gym door, hand wrapped around the knob, when he’d heard it. “Hey, Jake.”

Tess lifted herself up off the ground, dusting her pants off. “Tess?”

“I know you probably don’t wanna see me still… so I waited out here, hoping you’d come for a smoke.” She shook her head. “After the redhead left, I figured you wouldn’t be far behind.”

Jake took a moment to process what she was saying, forcing himself to swallow the angry and surprised reply that definitely would have hurt her feelings. “What do you want?”

“To talk. And to... maybe-”

“Get back together?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. “I know you’re mad at me.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“Jake,” she sighed. “Can we please just talk?”

He stepped down. “And what are you expecting, exactly? That we kiss and make up and everything goes back to the way it was?”

She shifted on her feet. “I don’t know! But the least I can do is try.”

Tess was quicker than he anticipated, or maybe he was just more drunk than he realized. She closed the gap between them, hands settling firmly on his shoulders, and lifted herself up to press her lips to his. His hands had wrapped around her waist on instinct, but there was no spark, no fire in his chest.

The second their lips touched, Jake felt wrong, just like he did when he’d kissed Olive. It wasn’t bad, it was hardly anything at all, and still his chest ached. All he could think about was Lena. How she kissed him like she was starved for it, or how perfectly in sync they were without words. How she laughed and teased. Would she be angry if she saw us? The thought made him feel worse. Would it hurt her?

He pulled away first. Quick and definite. “Stop. Lena and I are…” Casual? Not at all casual?

“Seriously?” She breathed, staring up at him. “When has a girl ever stopped you from kissing someone else?”

“Now.”

“You…” Tess hesitated, still grappling with the disbelief of it all. “You actually care about her?”

“The way I feel about her…” He paused, fighting the smile that so naturally wanted to break out. “It’s different than I expected. More… Deeper…”

“Deeper than your feelings for me?” she asked, big eyes already filling with tears before he even answered.

The answer was instant, delivered not with anger or some bitter desire to get back at her for all she’d put him through. It was honest. “Yeah.”

She nodded, lips pursed and face furrowing with repressed hurt and anger. After a quiet moment, she asked the question Jake had been dreading from the start. “Are they deeper than your feelings for Simone?”

His heart stuttered, and all the relief and peace that had only just begun to settle inside him vanished. Fuck this. His face twisted into a bitter sneer, and Jake felt a shift in him. He felt like he used to, bitter and angry and so full of all the hate and disappointment of everyone that mattered that it smothered everything else inside him. “You don’t get to come in here and question me like I’m someone to you.”

Tess scoffed. “I’ll take that as a no then.”

“You can take it however you want to take it,” he bit back. “You don’t fucking know me, Tess. You barely knew me then.”

“I knew you, Jake. Parts of you that you didn’t even know, and I got screwed over because of it.”

“You got screwed over because you chose to go behind my back and try to ruin Simone’s life!”

“I was trying to help you!” She shouted. “You are never going to move forward if you keep clinging to her like you do!”

“Fuck off,” Jake ground out.

“Does she know?” Tess asked, arms crossing over her body. “About the restaurant?” Jake didn’t need to answer, and she didn’t need to either. “Does she know about your feelings for Lena?”

“I tell Simone everything,” he repeated, either to her or himself, he didn’t know at that point.

“I don’t doubt you told her you slept together, I’m asking if she knows it’s more than that.”

Jake shook his head, turning away from her. Simone knew that what he had with Lena was … different. It was obvious to everyone else, and she wasn’t stupid. But, every time he thought about actually telling her that he was… that it was deeper than anything he’d felt in a long time, he felt terrified. It reminded him of when they were younger, he’d been so scared of disappointing her because every time he did - which was a lot - she’d be cold and distant with him.

Simone had been the sun to Jake ever since he’d gone to live with her and her parents. She’d taken care of him, taught him, loved him more than anyone else ever had. And when she was gone, it felt like he was drifting aimlessly in the cold, lifeless void her absence left behind.

It had been clear from the start that Simone and Lena would never be close. Both had their issues with the other, issues that he honestly didn’t quite understand, but he’d respect so long as it meant they’d all coexist peacefully. If he were honest… if he told Simone everything that had happened between him and Lena and how he actually felt about her… he wasn’t sure she’d take it well. She’d taken his genuine feelings for Tess badly, and those were minuscule compared to what he felt for Lena. She’ll take that warmth, that love, away and be through with me, he told himself. I’d lose her.

Simone was all he had, truly had. She was the only one who knew him and loved him in spite of it all. Lena knew parts of him, ones he’d thought were gone forever, but it was still… new. If she saw all of him, would she stay, like Simone did, or would she leave him behind like everyone else? He didn’t really know the answer, and part of him hoped he never would. At least then he wouldn’t have to be faced with the possibility of losing her.

Tess sighed, and Jake couldn’t help but look back at her. “Look, I know I fucked up. A lot. I just… I just wanted things to go back the way they were before that.”

“I know,” he admitted, all that fire, all that fight leaving him and an empty feeling taking its place.

“But…” She smiled, a sad smile that made him feel worse than he thought he would. “They can’t.”

“I know.”

Tess wiped the tears from her cheeks and sighed. For the first time since she’d left 22West, she looked like Jake remembered in the beginning. Small, innocent, just a girl trying to find out who she was. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry… for all of it.”

He could think of a hundred cruel ways to respond, and yet, he said none of them. “Don’t be. You did what you thought was right.” Her eyes shimmered up at him and made him feel stupid. He cleared his throat and added, “Yeah, it was fucked and blew up your whole life, but… it led us both here.”

“And you’re happy with that?” She asked, but unlike the first time, it felt like she genuinely cared.

It was less her asking out of some obligation, or trying to trip him up. It felt like Tess actually wanted to know that he was content with the way the chips landed. And, this time, he actually considered his answer.

If Tess hadn’t done what she did, he might’ve still been fucking her, at least until she got too close. Simone would have still been acting off. He still would have spent the holiday in the stupid fucking Cape. Tess wouldn’t have been fired, and her job wouldn’t have been available, and Lena never would have come to - or back to - 22West. I never would have met her. So, with a nod, Jake had his answer. “Yeah, I am.”

She still looked sad, but it was like he could actually see her accept it. They were over. It was done. “I’m glad.”

“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Tess.” And he did, genuinely.

“Me too.” She pulled her jacket on tighter and smiled at him one last time. “Goodbye, Jake.”

He watched her walk down the alley and vanish around the corner. “Bye, Tess.”

Without even thinking, his feet carried him through the old gym. His fingers ran over the old, worn gloves hanging over the locker room door, and then he was outside, staring at Lena as she flipped through an old magazine. She looked up and smiled. “There you are.”

His heart ached, guilt and anxiousness filling him with an unbearable desire to just blurt out every single thing he felt. She’s gonna hate me, isn’t she? If it’d been Simone, she’d slap him, cuss him out, and then ignore him for weeks. God, please don’t be like Simone. Weeks without her… he wouldn’t survive.

Lena tilted her head, looking at him carefully. “You okay?”

“Tess and I…” He swallowed the fear.

*

“We kissed.” My heart stopped beating for a moment, hurt unfurling inside me and making each breath feel painful. Jake noticed, instantly, quickly adding a soft, “I’m sorry.”

“You…” I swallowed the hurt that made my throat feel hoarse again and shook my head. “You have nothing to apologize for.” My chest felt tighter, with the lie, the denial of the pain I felt. The bitter burn of jealousy made my next words even harder to get out. “I mean, it’s not like we’re official or… exclusive or anything.”

“Well, maybe I want to be,” he said quickly. His eyes were soft, but in them I could see that brilliant burn of determination that Jake only got when he was absolutely set on something.

My response was a stupid, idiotic breath. “What?”

“Look, I know we agreed no labels, but…” he shook his head, sighing heavily before just laying it all out. “I’m crazy about you. I… I can’t even think about not getting to see you every day. You are the most amazing woman, person, I’ve ever met, and I…” he paused, taking a step toward me. “I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

Stupidly, tears began to build in my eyes. “Jake… This is more complicated than you think it is. What happened yesterday -”

“Has nothing to do with how I feel about you,” he interrupted.

My lower lip quivered as I sadly smiled at him. “It’s only gonna get worse. It might not change how you see me right now or… or affect how you feel right now, but it will eventually, and I… I don’t think I can survive that.”

He shook his head. “Do you feel the same way I do?”

“Jake-”

“Do you?” He asked again.

I closed my eyes and sighed. “Of course I do. You’re…you mean more to me than I ever thought possible.”

“That’s it then,” he said smoothly. “That’s all that matters.”

“What if-”

“We can play what if all night,” he replied with a laugh. His hand slid into mine, and I couldn’t help but look up at him. “What if this is a huge mistake? What if a meteor flies through the apartment? What if I fuck it up? What if… it’s the best fucking thing that’s ever happened? What if I don’t fuck it up?” Jake’s smile was infectious, coaxing one of my own to meet him. “I don’t care about the what-ifs as long as you’re with me.”

After a long, quiet moment of us just staring at each other, smiling like fools, I whispered, “Say it.”

Jake chuckled. “What?”

“You gotta say it,” I teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, you gotta actually ask me, or it doesn’t count.”

“Lena,” he finally sighed, hand squeezing mine as he stared down at me with that look that made me feel like I’d been struck by lightning. “Would you please be my girlfriend?”

Yes, I thought, instantly, but didn’t say out loud. Tapping my chin with my finger, I hummed quietly, as though I had to think about my answer. “Hmmm… I dunno, what kind of perks would I get?”

Jake laughed, humming for a second as he composed his list. “I have a cat.”

“A stolen cat.”

He took a step closer, the hand that was in mine, drifting up my arm, caressing my skin. “I have a very comfortable bed.”

“It is pretty comfy.”

His hands shifted, wrapping around my waist and pulling me closer. “I have amazing hands, and I’m really, really good at sex.”

I bit back a grin. “You sound really sure about that.”

“I am.” He nudged my nose with his, breath fanning across my lips as he spoke. “So, what do you say, princess?”

“I say… yes,” I replied, lips caressing his for just one second. “For the cat, of course.”

He grinned, wide and wild. “Yeah, sure, for the stupid cat.”

Jake’s lips were hard on mine, desperate and wanting in that way that left me utterly breathless. It was like magic, that spark of his lips moving in time with mine erased everything else. My birthday, the snow, Tony… none of it mattered.

My hands fisted into his clothes, pulling him, keeping him exactly where I needed him. down to meet my ravenous lips. His hands mirrored mine, pulling my skirt up and slipping his fingers below my panties, dragging them to the side. With one hand already occupied, he used the other to pull my thigh up to rest along his waist. Jake turned us both, pressing me into the rough brick wall, where he pulled his lips away from mine to breathlessly whisper, “This remind you of anything?”

It took a moment for my brain to register anything other than his lips and his hands, but when it did finally recall the sinful night, my heart stuttered. “Halloween.”

His dark eyes ran down the length of me with a click of his tongue. “Shame you’re not in your costume.”

“Shame you aren’t in yours,” I replied, drawing a line down his chest with my finger.

“Maybe, one of these nights we’ll have to have a redo,” he whispered, the fantasy instantly taking hold in my mind. “Now that we’re… official.”

“It’s a date.” I bit my bottom lip and smiled up at him. “Now, are you gonna fuck me on this hideous couch or not?”

Jake’s hands slid up higher, fingers gliding along the curve of my bare ass, hips pressing right into mine, forcing a moan from my lips. He nodded, smug as all hell. “Yeah, that was the plan. Just… one minute...”

“Fuck,” I whispered, as his body vanished from mine.

He leaned over, quickly propping an old, folded chair underneath the back door of the gym. With a wink, his hands and his body were back on mine. “Can’t be too safe with Sasha around.”

I kissed him hard, burying my hands back into his shirt and pulling until it was up over his head, exposing his chest to me. “You’re a genius.”

“God damn right I am,” he huffed back, hoisting me up and using the wall to steady me as my legs wrapped around his waist.

His deft fingers vanished into my already aching core, his thumb rolling along my already sensitive clit as I ground down on his hand. The air filled with fog between us as I moaned his name, “Jake.”

My whole body hummed, the tension I’d been carrying for days, vanishing beneath his touch. He smiled against my neck. “There you go, princess.”

“Couch,” I whispered, pulling his hair. “Right now.”

He pushed himself back, less clumsily than he had on Halloween night, until he sat back against the old leather. I deftly unbuttoned his pants and pulled his aching cock out, kissing him as it settled between the lips of my pussy, catching deliciously against my clit. I moaned into his mouth, lips parting enough for him to slide his tongue across mine.

This time, when we parted and gazed into each other’s eyes, neither of us even tried to hide that vulnerable realness that had been stuck between us for longer than either of us would admit. This is real, I thought, fingers running tenderly along his jaw. Jake smiled, his hands running through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. Real.

“Jake,” I whispered, as I began to sink down on him.

“I know,” he said, quietly, as though it was part of some prayer. “Come on, don’t keep me waiting.”

He filled me perfectly, hands gripping my hips, and holding me in place for a moment as he tried to catch his breath. I giggled, biting his neck and sucking on his earring. “Come on, pretty boy, don’t keep me waiting.”

“Fuck,” he practically whimpered, thrusting up into me.

My hips moved in time with his, grinding down into the intense pleasure like my life depended on it. Sparks flew behind my eyelids every time I shut them. “Don’t stop.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Jake’s hands slid up my body, pulling my top down just enough for him to take one of my nipples into his mouth.

I gasped, clinging to him tighter. “Jake! I… I’m close!”

“Already? Well, come on,” he urged. “Give it to me, princess.”

I came quickly after that, something in his voice just putting the final nail in the coffin. And he knew it too, smirking against my chest as I whimpered. “Jake…”

“Shh, don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” Damn him. I could already feel the pressure building up in my gut again. “One more. Just one more, beautiful.”

My breaths were ragged as his thrusts hit deeper inside me, spots that made my whole body tingle. “Oh, my god.”

Jake’s own breath grew desperate, as his hands dug into my hips, gently molding me into a more arched position that somehow allowed him to slide in deeper. One of my hands clutched onto his knee, as I lost myself entirely to the pleasure this new angle brought. “That’s it.”

No one had ever made me feel like that, and Jake… Another noise surged from my chest, one I would have been embarrassed by if I weren’t so focused on how good his cock felt rubbing against my tight walls. Jake could never fucking know. But, judging by the way he smiled, he already did.

This time, when I came again, Jake wasn’t far behind. His thrusts got sloppy, and his grip tightened as he chased his own release. The second he came, his body slumped back against the couch, pulling mine with it. “Fuuucck.”

“I fucking hate Sasha for robbing me of this on Halloween,” I breathed, finally gathering enough strength to lift myself up and look at him.

Jake laughed, brushing my hair off my face. “Yeah, but it all worked out in the end.”

“Yeah.” I still got you. “But still, fuck him.”

“We should get cleaned up, you know, before any nosey Russians or older brothers come sniffing around.”

“True.” I sighed, glancing up at the apartment windows. “Were you serious? About letting me stay the night whenever?”

He grinned. “I dunno, what perks would I get?”

I hummed, happily snuggling further into his chest. “I have a cat.”

“He’s my cat.”

“I can clean.”

“Oh, I remember, Cindy.”

I rolled my eyes and kissed him. “I can walk around naked all the time.”

He practically moaned, patting my legs with a nod. “That’ll do. Go get your stuff.”

Fixing my clothes, I shook my head at him. “So simple-minded.”

“Oh, I can think of a lot of complicated things we can do with you naked,” he assured.

“Promises, promises.”

*

The shift had only just ended, but everyone was quick to get down to the bar. Heather shoved her clothes into her locker with a groan. “God, I fucking hate rich people.”

“Ouch,” Ari whined.

“Your parents are rich,” Heather explained.

“Plus, you hate them too,” Sasha added.

“Right.”

Jake rolled his shoulders and sighed. “If I ever have to remake a goddamn whisky sour again, I might just lose my mind.”

I glanced at him over my shoulder and grinned. “Oh, you poor baby.”

He glared back at me. “I remade it four times. Do you know how long you have to shake a whiskey sour?”

“Want me to kiss it better?” I offered, closing my locker and instantly jumping in to massage his tender shoulder.

“Immensely,” he groaned, though I could tell he was really only half joking.

Pulling his shirt down and pressing my lips to his soft skin, I leaned against him. “There. All better?”

“Absolutely.” He bumped me with his nose. “Thanks, princess.”

“Come on, and I’ll make you a drink too.”

“A kiss and a drink?” He whistled. “What’d I do to deserve that?”

I shrugged, lacing our fingers together. “I dunno, guess it’s just your lucky night.”

His brows rose, eyes suggestively fixating on my hips. “Oh, yeah? And just how lucky do you think my nights gonna be?”

“Mmm,” I hummed, giving him an equally suggestive look as we walked through the kitchen doors and stepped into the dining room. “Hard to say, but it sure feels lucky.”

“Bonjour Beauté.”

Wow this took me several months and then, all of a sudden, two days. Ain't that just the way.

To be honest, I sort of lost my sense of direction in the middle there, but I've got it back now so hopefully I will be able to make some decent headway this summer (please don't let me be jinxing myself as I type this).