#chapter series

You didn’t look away for a second, eyes permanently glued to the canvas above. Everything felt right in that moment. Calm. Quiet. You reached your hand out with your fingers splayed. You could almost touch it. 

And then a sound to the left snapped you out of your trance. You were no longer looking at the night sky, but an entirely different landscape. Men in suits were piling on top of someone. The sight of a yellow raincoat peeked out from underneath it all and you felt something in your chest lurch. 

You tried to yell, but not a single sound came out. Thrusting a hand forward, you tried to reach for that familiar coat; a feeling of desperation flooded your mind to the point that you couldn’t think about anything but getting to whoever was wearing it.

But external forces stopped you from getting close. They grabbed at your arms, held you back, and dragged you further away, deaf to the silent pleas you screamed.

Rain began to cloud your vision, the edges darkening the farther you were pulled away. You felt a searing pain fill your throat and you let out one final cry before the scene in front of you blipped off like a tv.

.✦ ݁˖

“kHhh-coff! hucK!” 

A wet, disgusting cough violently shook your senses awake, the sound vibrating and burning in your throat as more fluid bubbled up from your esophagus. You didn’t even realize your eyes were closed until you felt them peel open and a hazy shape came into view. It took a couple seconds of blinking and spitting up more fluid for your vision to clear up. The first thing you noticed was the blue endotracheal tube dripping from above followed by your first thought being—ew.  

You had zero recollection about anything: who you were, where you were, and why the hell were tied to this thing. 

In the midst of you trying to process just about everything, a feminine robotic voice rang in your ears. 

“What is two plus two?”

You twisted your head around, looking for where the voice came from. It repeated its question. 

“What is two plus two?”

It was then that you realized it was coming from the creepy mechanical arm thing above you that near choked you to death from removing the tube. 

“Ffff…” A rasp wheezed from your throat and the arm stilled, waiting for your answer. “...fuck.”

“Incorrect. What is two plus two?” The voice continued to prattle on about other things that you couldn’t quite focus on. The words coma and memory loss stood out the most, but you were kind of busy trying to evade the metal pinchers poking at your face to think about them. 

“Ugh…! Four!” You groaned out, hoping that answer would stop this crazy machine. 

“Correct. What does E = mc² stand for?”

Bullshit. You couldn’t stand this probing any longer and thrashed in your restraints. The answer to the question popped into your head clear as day, but your voice was equivalent to a seventy-year-old smoker right now and you had zero fucks to give about answering trivia in your current predicament. 

You somehow found yourself on the floor, free—more or less—from the constraints of the table. You managed to wriggle yourself out of the prison colored body bag, feeling like a wet slug rather than a beautiful butterfly escaping its cocoon. 

With legs shaking as much as a new born fawn, you took slow, careful steps through the padded room you woke up in. A very imposing ladder was bolted to the side with bunk beds extending from another wall. You climbed with what little strength you had and as you climbed past the beds, you looked over your shoulder to see if anyone was in those beds. There was. Or well, were. You stared at the sickly pale skin of what you assumed were your crewmates. The two words were at the tip of your tongue, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to say them.

You struggled for a moment to twist the hatch open, a thought passing in your mind that you needed to do more shoulder presses. At least you know your sense of humor wasn’t forgotten. The hatch finally opened with a wheezing grunt and dropped inward, almost knocking you off the ladder. From an outside perspective, you probably looked like the girl from that ring movie crawling up from god knows where. Your body hunched over the now horizontal flooring and you took a much needed breather before moving on.

Your eyes shifted around the whole interior, walls lined with cabinets and ventilation and other equipment that seemed vaguely familiar to you. You waddled from hall to hall, stopping every so often as more and more things were coming back to you. This was probably the memory loss you recalled hearing from the machine. 

You paused for a second during your little exploration, the sight of a tall whiteboard catching your attention. Red and blue writing was scribbled across it, listing… you weren’t quite sure what you were reading.

Science Teacher Bay Area Single? Always Muscles?? Friends? 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝒶𝓉 𝒞𝓊𝓇𝓈𝒾𝓋𝑒? Carl… (Foggy) Glasses - OK w/Cilantro How did I get here??

There were multiple things you could’ve commented on, but the most important thing right now was the fact that you were not alone. Someone was still alive. Who it could be, you have no idea. You couldn’t even remember your own name. The more you tried to think about it, the more your head throbbed, like a lemon juicer squeezing your brain for hidden information. 

You shake your head. Oh well. Surely it’ll come back to you. 

At both ends of the hallway was a cupola window. From a distance, it appeared to be night time with the blackened sky from where you could see. But as you walked closer you noticed it wasn’t the night sky at all. Stars. They were everywhere. From top to bottom and all around. You recognized each one. The only problem was, you shouldn’t have been able to see them.

“Centaurus… Octans… No, they’re way too south to be seen from where we are…” You whispered, the heat of your breath fogging the glass. You reached a hand out to wipe the surface. But where exactly were you?

A sudden flash of white invaded your vision. Fuzzy pictures projected themselves into your mind like a sputtering film reel trying to fix itself. 

You saw … yourself.

Standing. 

Gazing at… something. 

A sky? You saw stars. 

And then there were people. 

They were strangers to you and yet so familiar. 

A woman’s face bubbled up from the depths. 

She wore such a solemn expression. 

Another flash of colors blinded you.

A mess of blond hair paired with soft steel blue eyes. The way the light was reflected made it apparent they wore glasses. The person’s face was blurry, but for some reason …

You could almost imagine an awkward smile peeking out from their hazy visage. 

… 

The shuffle of shoes echoed around the empty space of the planetarium. Squeaks from sneakers and the taps of heels almost made for a calming metronome. You watched as the group of teenagers and respective chaperones entered the dome theater, filling the seats slowly. You could tell how the students separated themselves into their cliques, flocking like birds that had already decided who was at the top of the hierarchy and who was considered lesser. Your eyes shifted to one particular student that sat alone at the front semi circle. 

“Welcome, everyone, to the Samuel Oschin Planetarium theater. I’m sure you’re all buzzing in your seats to explore the rest of the building. But first, we’ll be starting off with a little introductory preview. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the magic … of space.” You recited your usual welcome speech, doing your best customer service voice.

To be quite frank, you weren’t very social. You would rather sit in a room full of rocks than talk to another human being. But just like everything else in the world, you adapted. You learned to talk without really thinking about what you were saying and pretending to listen to others when you didn’t really want to. Regardless, working at the planetarium allowed you the chance to view the stars near 24/7. 

Now if anyone ever found out you had a PhD in this field of study, they probably would’ve gone on and on asking about why you didn't go work for NASA. The funny thing was you were actually offered a full time position there along with a generous sign-on bonus. The not so funny thing was that you turned them down … while also calling them pretentious space rats acting like they owned the moon. 

The 4k projection of Earth’s solar system danced along the ceiling of the dome, the narration playing in pace as the planets orbited above the students’ heads. You had watched this presentation to the point you could probably recite the entire script while describing everything in such detail a blind person would think they could see it.

“I hope watching this made you a little more interested in the universe we live in. Any questions?” You asked as the theater lights flickered back on once the video ended. 

The students glanced around at each other, heads turning like owls. One raised their hand. “Can you tell us what the Petrova Line is?”

Oh. Hard-ball right at the start. You turned to look at the chaperones, silently asking if it was okay to answer. They all gave indifferent shrugs. Useless. Well, it was your job, in a sense, to educate. 

“The Petrova Line,” You began with a sigh. “Is a streak of infrared light reaching between the Sun and Venus. It was discovered at Russia's Pulkovo Observatory by Dr. Irina Petrova. Hence the name.”

Another hand raised. “Is it really eating the sun?”

Damn these kids and their hungry-gossip little minds. 

“Eating requires a mouth of some sort. So I wouldn’t say that,”  You said. 

“My uncle who’s a scientist said that the Sun is losing its light. Is that bad?” 

You opened your mouth, then closed it, and opened it again. “If it was… by a marginal amount. Perhaps.” 

“I heard from my little brother that his teacher said it could drop to about ten to fifteen degrees cooler.” 

“That sounds bad.”

You had to bite your tongue from saying any unnecessary comments. Whoever this teacher was, really needed a smack on the head. 

“Are we going to die?” And here comes the overly dramatic dying question.

“No, no, no,” You waved your hands around. “We are not going to die. They said the same thing back in 2012 and look at us now. Still alive.” 

Eventually the chaperones decided it was enough world ending questions and rounded the students up to leave the theater. You waved goodbye as they continued on with their tour, but paused when you noticed that same lone student turned back to look at you. You tilted your head as they shuffled back over. Their head was lowered, only lifting it slightly to glance at you for a quick second. 

“Is there really no way to save the sun?” They asked. Their hands fidgeted with the hem of their shirt. You could hear the timid fear in their voice. Honestly, you wanted to tell them they have nothing to worry about and that they should just continue on without thinking about it. But that just didn’t seem fair when it was their future at stake. 

Letting out a slow exhale, you pulled out a small ball-shaped beanbag colored as the earth. They were small souvenirs the planetarium sold. You held it out to the student. 

“We’ll find a way. We always do,” You said, your tone gentle with as much sincerity you could muster. “I bet you the government is already half-way to finding a solution as we speak.”

Sometimes you wonder if speaking things into existence really did make them come true. 

…

The dome theater was currently empty. No shows were playing, no tours were coming, you finally had it all to yourself. Just as you were gazing up at the northern constellations from the projection, a voice called out to you. Title and all. 

You tilted your head in the direction of the voice. A woman stood near the entrance of the theater, approaching you with an aura of intensity. You noted her appearance: strawberry blonde hair that framed her face, a high turtle neck paired with a trench coat, and a large purse hanging from her forearm. As she got closer, you saw the prominent age lines in her expression. 

“… Who’s asking?” You asked with hesitation. Aside from the owner of this building, no one else should know of your title and experience. You prayed it wasn’t some sort of stalker. 

Unlike you, she didn’t miss a beat with her introduction, the slight East German accent coming through. “My name is Eva Stratt. I am the Head of the Petrova Taskforce.”

Petrova Taskforce. That should’ve set off warning bells immediately, but instead you sat there, curious why someone of her position was coming to someone like you.

“I’ve always wanted to meet the person who said NASA was full of ‘pretentious space rats’, and that you had ‘better things to do than pest control’.”

Ouch. That came out of nowhere.

You pursed your lips, shifting your gaze back to the stars. “So are you just here as a reminder that I lost the one good thing that could’ve happened to me? I don’t regret it, I’ll tell you that. I’ve seen monkeys solve problems faster than them.”

“I’m here to remind you that you have a doctorate in Astronomy with two masters in astrophysics and astrobiology,” She said with as much seriousness as when she was introducing herself.

“Technically,” You butted in, wagging a finger in the air, “I'm just an astrophysicist when I don’t want to talk to people and an astronomer when I do. And 99% of the time, I’m an astrophysicist.”

You could almost feel her roll her eyes at you. “Well, that 1% of you better be prepared. Because I have a life-threatening offer.” 

You turned your head back towards her. “How life-threatening are we talking about.”

“A one-way ticket into outer space with no return.” Nothing in her expression made it seem like a joke. “But at least you’ll be recognized as a hero for the rest of time.”

“Time is just a concept.” You looked away again, but kept her within your peripheral. “Why are you asking me of all people? Surely there’s others. Do you take me as someone so eager to throw away their life?”

Stratt gave you a look, her eyebrow raised as if questioning your attitude. “Do you really need me to answer that?”

Okay she’s got you there. You took a couple seconds to ponder the thought, staring back up at the constellations as they slowly rotated on the ceiling. You looked around the theater space before eventually meeting Stratt’s gaze. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. When do I start?” You stood up from the cushioned seat and faced her. 

“Right now. Welcome aboard Project Hail Mary.” 

Stratt held her hand out for a handshake and you returned the favor. Although this was the start to you saving the world, it felt more like a beginning towards an end.

…

A gasp ripped through your throat as you clutched your forehead. You gritted your teeth through the painful remembrance. Memories started to filter in, putting together puzzle pieces that had fallen during your trip. 

The Petrova Line.

Project Hail Mary.

Tau Ceti.

Details about the mission you were sent on and the sole purpose of why you were here—the fact that you were 11.912 light years from Earth all came rushing in like a semi-truck in a dream.

With a shaky breath, you opened your eyes back to the starry expanse in front of you. “Astrophage…” The word slipped off your tongue before you could fully comprehend why. 

Just as you were sorting through your broken thoughts, you heard the creaking sound of footsteps behind you. You snapped your head around so fast you nearly gave yourself whiplash. A sharp inhale sucked in through your teeth at who you saw. 

A mop of blonde hair, steel blue eyes, crooked opticals—it was him. Your only other living crewmate. 

You opened your mouth to say some sort of greeting, but instead what came out was, “Why the fuck are you here?” 

.✦ ݁˖

He said his name was Ryland Grace—for some reason hearing that made your brain tingle in a funny way—and he had no idea why he was put on this ship.

You found yourself in the medical bay, shuffling through a soft cubed box that was supposedly your packed belongings—it had your name on it so it must’ve been. Unlike the other boxes, you noticed it hadn’t been tampered with. Perhaps Ryland was holding onto hope that you would wake up. Your eyes shifted towards the man that was facing the corner of the wall, waiting for you to signal you’ve finished changing. 

“I’m guessing what you remember from before is no different from what I remember,” You said, zipping up the light blue jumpsuit over your clothes. Your fingers grazed the sewn in patches of your name and branded logos. “We figure out why the Astrophage hasn’t gotten to Tau Ceti yet, save our Sun and in turn, the fate of all of humanity.”

“Pretty much,” Ryland mumbled out. 

You turned around to see him rocking on his heels and stared. Were you silently judging him or were you appreciating him? You weren’t exactly sure. But the sight of it made your chest feel weird.

“I’m done.”

He turned his head first, body following in suit after. You didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered down and then back up to your face. “It, uh, suits you.” He gestured with a nod. 

You looked down at yourself and then back at him wearing the same exact thing. “Likewise.” 

The two of you stood side by side, just below the bunks where the deceased members still rested. Ryland was holding one of the leftover jumpsuits, their names also sewn in patches as a reminder. A look of contrition settling over him. Without speaking, you helped remove them from their casings, being extra careful as you dressed them appropriately. Ryland stood in front of the laid out bodies like an officiant to a funeral, sharing his words of remembrance, or at least the bare minimum of what he could think of in the moment. He tenderly tucked the photographs the two must have brought in their suitcases into their folded hands. 

“I wish you were still here,” he said. You could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “At least, I’m not…” 

You met his gaze from the corner of your eye. You didn’t need to hear him finish to know what he was trying to say. I’m not alone. 

He cleared his throat. “You were both very loved. You deserve much more than this. I’ll do my best so that you don’t… that you didn’t…” Ryland’s voice cracked just the slightest, his Adam’s apple bobbing. He quickly wiped away the tears that trickled out.

“We’ll do our best,” he managed to say in the end.

One by one, you carried the bodies into the airlock. You didn’t say anything, just stared at their sunken faces before turning around and closing the hatch. Ryland pressed the override button and with a loud hiss and release of mechanics, the outerlock opened. Together, you silently watched their lifeless forms float into the void, drifting further away until they were just specks among the stars.

Neither of you moved. The gentle hiss and puff of coolants being the only other sound filling the silence along with Ryland’s sniffles that he tried to keep quiet. You were the first to break it. 

“You don’t even remember them, but you still cry for them,” You murmured out, realizing only a second later that probably came off condescending. “I mean—they knew what they were getting themselves into. It… was… an unfortunate risk.”

Ryland didn’t answer right away and you didn’t rush him. You heard the shaky inhale he took. 

“I know,” he breathed out. “But, it’s still sad.”

You felt a little pinch in your chest. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but the words got caught in your throat.

You licked your lips and parted them.

But you still couldn’t say it. 

  Shoto knew the moment he fell in love. Wasn't planning it and most certainly wasn't expecting to crash through its windshield, but there was no mistaking it. The villain had thrown him pretty far, at least a block down the busy, still unsecured street, with traffic nearly at a standstill. He would have tried using his ice to counterattack before his feet hit the ground. Except he hadn’t thought about how fast he was moving, how one wrong movement could send him skipping like a stone off the concrete. Definitely hadn’t anticipated going back first through your windshield. But now, looking over at your shocked yet beautiful face as glass crunched under his body weight, there wasn’t anywhere else he wanted to be. Maybe what he should have said was an apology for destroying your car, maybe something heroic, but all he could muster up as adrenaline coursed through his system was “Hi”. 

“Holy shit,” You said breathlessly, panic slowly rising in your tone. “Are you okay?” 

“I… honestly can’t tell,” He said, his brain still buzzing from breaking through the glass. 

“You’re bleeding a lot”. Shoto could feel the back of his neck growing sticky, then a thin stream was running down in front of his right eye. 

“Um-” Was the last thing that left his mouth before he blacked out, only to be awoken to you slapping his cheeks, your frightened voice begging him to just stay awake. That you were taking him to the hospital. You were arguing with someone, it sounded like 

“You can’t just take him, lady!” the voice that sounded like Katsuki’s snapped. 

“He’s going to bleed out in my front seat! I’m taking him to the hospital and you can’t stop me!”.

‘What a woman’ Shoto thought to himself, just barely fighting a stupid smile from his face. No one talks to Bakugo like that, especially a non-hero. 

“Hold this to your head,” You said, pressing some sort of cloth, a shirt from the feel of it, to the side of his head right behind his ear. Shoto turned his head slightly into the softness of the cloth, breathing in your smell before it got saturated with his blood. He vaguely felt you moving his legs, his head swimming too much to really register what was happening past the feel of having your spare t-shirt against his face. When he opened his eyes again the car was moving, the feeling of wind blowing through the broken windshield breezing across his hair. His legs were hanging across the center console and in your lap, feet pressed against the driver’s door, just barely able to fit. Sometimes he cursed being built more like his dad than his mom, especially when cramped like this. 

“Just try and stay awake,” You said, patting your hand steadily against his calf to keep jarring him back to consciousness. “Thankfully we were only a few blocks away”. Shoto never believed in love at first sight. Thought it was something that people used to make themselves feel better as they fall apart, something kids read about in storybooks that only happened to made up royalty. But he and everyone else was wrong. This is real. The feeling of his heart being too big for his chest and the complete inability to drag his eyes away from your face, as washed with panic as it was. He wanted to speak, wanted to tell you how beautiful you were but he was awestruck, completely incapable of expressing the thrumming in his chest. 

The red emergency room sign flashed across his window as you turned. He should be grateful that you saved him, not dreading the end of the ride when you would leave him at the hospital to get patched up. But he couldn’t stop the feeling of disappointment rising in his chest. You would be gone, back to your life. Probably having to pay off the damage he caused and He wouldn’t even be able to thank you properly. Shoto startled slightly at the sound of you throwing your car into park and opening your door, nearly crying out as he tried to sit up again. Yeah, he definitely had a couple of broken ribs. 

“Don’t try to get up,” You said frantically, pressing your hand lightly to his shoulder to get him to relax back, a soft reassuring smile on your lips, “give me one second”. And then you were gone, leaving him with the broken glass and the blood that had pooled in your passenger seat. What he knew were only seconds felt like hours, his mind drawing the conclusion that you hadn’t been real. Had been too perfect to be anything but his wildest imagination until the paramedics were sliding him out onto a stretcher. 

“You’ll be okay Mr.Todoroki,” one of the emergency personnel said as gloved hands brushed the loose glass away from his clothing. At least the larger pieces had broken his fall and not actually stabbed him. Despite pleas to stay still, he turned his head to find you standing next to the door, holding it open for the paramedics to do what they needed to. It felt like his tongue was gone, the right words just not forming. Shoto wanted to thank you, show some sort of gratitude at least, but his heart was hammering so loud. ‘Do you hear it? How it beats for you?’ He thought to himself. He raised his hand in your direction, smiling softly when your eyes grew wide and you moved forward to grab his fingers in a light grasp. You were so warm. 

“I love you.” He meant to think it to himself, and it registered seconds later that he had said it out loud. But it was true and right now he didn’t care. All he could do was smile and hold your hand until you were out of reach, your warmth slipping away and leaving him to feel cold. Shoto honestly couldn’t tell if it was the blood loss, his messed up ribs, or the possible concussion, but he knew he would see you again. And next time, it wouldn't be through your windshield. 

“Good job running away from the fight Icy Hot” was the first thing out of Katsuki’s mouth when he, Izuku, and Sero came to the hospital room the next day. It would still be a few days before Shoto was discharged and he was already getting restless.

“I didn’t run away. I got tossed through a windshield” Shoto said, wishing he could snap a picture of the shocked look on Izuku’s face. 

“Are you okay Todoroki?! We would have come last night but they had a lockdown order because of that villain” the green-haired hero said, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just a couple of cracked ribs, stitches behind my ear, and a slight concussion. Nothing serious” He said, trying to keep it as nonchalant as he could. Even if every breath hurt like someone was stabbing his lungs with hot pokers. 

“Heard Endeavor already has you out of commission for the next three weeks,” Sero said. Shoto rolled his eyes. Of course he did. Of course, now that Shoto is an adult and a pro hero at his Father’s agency, Enji would give him the liberty of a break.

“Sure he did. Wouldn’t want to tarnish his reputation further than Touya already has,” Shoto scoffed.

“Todoroki, you know your dad cares about you. He’s just looking out for you” Izuku said with a warm smile.

“Yeah, he even got that girl whose windshield got destroyed by your backend a cab last night. He’s not totally heartless at least.” Sero said, flopping down in the recliner next to the bed and scrolling through his phone. It felt like Shoto had been hit with a bolt of lightning. 

“Wait. That girl, she stayed?” He asked. It was obvious he had a wild look in his eyes from his friends' surrounding expressions.

“Uh yeah for a while I think. Couldn’t really drive home with a busted-up car” Sero said with an awkward laugh.

“Did any of you see her leave? Talk to her?” Shoto asked frantically, his heart thudding a mile a minute. He could have sworn you had been a dream, that the whole interaction and ride here was the product of his concussion. 

“Other than arguing with her No. She was cleaning up in the lobby when we got here then your old man got her a cab, what would we want to talk to her about anyway?” Katsuki asked with a scowl. 

“I need to find her. Thank her.” Shoto said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed despite the protest from his ribs and aching head. 

Cadence was being held up with your left arm, your phone and wallet in your right hand. She was excited for two reasons. The first being that she would finally be ruined with her aunt oey, as she would say, it was the cutest thing because she cannot pronounce her Z’s properly. And two being that she picked her outfit all on her own, it was nothing more than a black and white striped dress, but it still brought tears to your eyes. Soon she won’t need your help with getting dressed or washing her hands. She could already feed herself and you didn’t want to think about her not needing you anymore.

Where did your little girl go?

“Cady!”

“Oey!”

Cadence wiggled out of your grasp as she ran -- more like toddled -- her way to where Zoey was waiting for her with open arms so she could pick her up and coddle her in kisses. Daniel was a mere five feet behind handling all of their bags, of course Zoey wouldn’t carry her own bag.

“I missed you Oey, please don’t leave me again.” Zoey let out an awe in the form of a laugh at your daughter’s precious words. “Never again, Cady. How was mommy, was she being good while we were gone?”

“Hey, I’m standing right here?!” You cut in, she just got back and she was already slandering you? How was that fair? Instead you walked your way to Daniel and gave him a side hug and an I’m glad you’re back. “So, how was it? Am I finally going to be an aunt? I’m sure Cadence would just love a new baby cousin!” With that Zoey and Daniel both laughed.

“I’m working on it.”

“He wishes.”

They both let out at the same time, it only made you laugh harder. As much as Zoey loved and cared for Cady, she wasn’t ready to be a mom. It could be that she still has PTSD from the car accident, she’s scared that it’ll happen again but she has bad luck, so she wouldn’t get as lucky as you. You understood, to be quite honest, you didn’t even know if you wanted another kid because of how bad Cadence’s birth went.

“No, but it was amazing. The scenery and the people, it was all a wonderful experience. We will have to take you and Cady there sometime.” You laughed at that, obviously Zoey knew why -- you had it burned into your brain that you could never afford something like that, which you couldn’t -- but she couldn’t understand why you won’t let anyone give you such beautiful experiences. It was a lot to ask of someone, she knew you would never go to such extreme measures.

“I’m glad you had fun, but I’m pretty sure someone promised my child ice cream if we came to pick you up.” Daniel gave you a look of fake guilt, he wouldn’t apologize for promising Cadence a treat, especially having been sick all week. But he had thanked you almost a million times, he really did hate taking a taxi. They always smelled weird and there were creepy guys as drivers.

Cadence let out a joyful cheer, and off you went to your local Dairy Queen.

--------

“So he didn’t call you back?”

You don’t know how the topic had gone from a random dream you had to the time that Harry hadn’t called back, but here you are. “It’s only been two days, Zoe, he’s probably busy.” You had given yourself the same exact excuse, over and over and over again, but each time you said it, it never seemed to help your nerves.

“I just don’t know how he could go from gushing about you over the phone to leaving you in the dust. I mean have you tried texting him?” Flashbacks of last night played through your mind on repeat like your life was a broken record and it just kept going around and around.

----

“Mommy, when is Harry going to come back?”

The question struck your nerves, making you freeze on the spot. The two of you were cuddling on your beat up, old couch watching reruns of Bubble Guppies. Guilt written all over your features, she couldn’t see nor understand it which you were thankful for.

“I don’t know, baby. Why don’t we try to call him, see if he wants to come over and watch a movie, yeah?”

Cady let out a squeal, you were only hoping that he would finally answer his phone. You had messaged him a few times this morning and only just now realized the small ‘read’ sign at the bottom of the messages.

From Y/N: Hey, Harry! I’m sorry about yesterday, I don’t know if you got my voicemail but we found out what was wrong with her. If you have time, please call me back.

From Y/N: Also Cady misses the crap out of you, I don’t know what you did but you sure have her wrapped around your finger. :)

From Y/N: Okay, I can read in between the lines. I won’t bother you again, I’m sorry.

Read at 3:13pm

It was like a punch to the gut, really. You had said that you weren’t going to bother him, and yet here you are promising Cady that you could call him? Who knows, maybe if it’s her that’s calling, he will pick up the phone.

“We can watch Punzel! And we can sing, mommy can we call him, please.” Her eyes wide and full of hope, and you were just edging her on to get her heart broken again. But there was no way you could say no to her drawn out please and the puppy dog face. So reluctantly, you hit the call button and waited for the inevitable five rings before it went to voicemail.

Except they never came, the voicemail box came, but the rings hadn’t. Harry had blocked you and now you had to explain to a two year old that she couldn’t see her friend because her mother had messed it all up.

“Why didn’t he answer?”

“He’s probably busy, baby. How about I go make some popcorn and grab the chocolate syrup, and you and I can watch punzel. How does that sound?”

“Does Harry not like me anymore, mommy?”

“No of course not, baby. Harry likes you! Why would you think that?”

Your heart was hurting more and more, but what came next broke you to pieces.

“He left me the day I got my tummy looked at and now he won’t answer the phone. Chelsea at daycare has a daddy, why don’t I? Am I not good enough for him? Did I do something wrong? If I did tell him I’ll fix it, I promise.”

“Harry isn’t your daddy, baby.” 

“Then who is, and why isn’t he with me? Harry’s the only boy who watches princesses with me that’s not Uncle Danny. Am I bad mommy? 

You couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth. You couldn’t understand the pain she must have felt when watching Harry walk out the door. 

“Cadence, you are the best. And Harry only met you twice, so he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

----

Remembering the events of last night had you fuming, but also had you silently hurting. Had you not opened yourself up to some random guy at a wedding, your daughter wouldn’t be feeling this worthless. Had you not let them meet until you knew that he was what you wanted, she wouldn’t be feeling hopeless. Had you just given her to Delilah and Phinean, she wouldn’t be wondering why she doesn’t have a dad like the other kids in her class.

You felt this extreme urge to cry, you scream and to throw the fancy glass cup of water you held in your hand, to rip your hair out and fall apart on the sacred grounds of your bathroom floor. But you couldn’t do any of that because you sat on the back patio of the Green household while your daughter, the most worthy and selfless child you know, plays on the playset that was made for whenever you guys came over. So you settled on the tears coating behind your eyes, threatening to spill over and let all of what you are trying to hide out.

“Yeah, I messaged him. But I don’t need him, okay? I don’t need anyone, I have you guys, I have Liz, and I have Cady. You’re all I’m ever going to need so for the love of god, can we please stop talking about Harry.” You snapped, you hadn’t meant to, but you also knew that you couldn’t hold back every emotion.

Daniel gave you a sympathetic look and Zoey looked shocked at your outburst. Just a few days ago Harry had called her and basically confessed how much he liked you. What happened in those two days to make you suddenly change your mind? She hated seeing you so torn up, although you tried to hide it, Zoey could read you like the back of her hand.

She saw the sudden glossiness over your eyes.

She saw your change in demeanor.

She saw the slight wobble of your chin as it took you a mere two minutes to answer her question.

Zoey saw it all, and she wasn’t about to let it go without getting to the bottom of what is so desperately hurting you.

“Hey babe? Can you go make sure Cady is okay and having fun? I need to talk to Y/N.” One last glance from Daniel and he was off to play with the girl who could make all of this better. You knew you couldn't get out of this, but how could you possibly explain to her that one lousy sentence that hadn’t been meant of anything, made you feel so useless? “What’s going on, love? It’s just you and I now, talk to me.”

“Cads asked about her dad last night. She was wondering why Harry wasn’t around and she thought it was her fault! She thought -- she claimed that she wasn’t good enough for any male person in her life because everyone leaves her.” The more you spoke, the more you cried. You had really tried to keep in the tears, truly, but after saying the words Cads and dad in the same sentence, you broke down.

Zoey knew how hard the topic was, she knew how much Alex meant to you, and she knew how distraught you were once he left. Alexander O'Neill had been the love of your life, you were together for three years before you got pregnant. The both of you planned to have a future together, however when the future didn’t go to his acord he ran. Your head was in your hands and Zoey got down onto the concrete and in between your legs, staring up into your watery colored eyes after she moved your hands away.

“Hey, look at me. Y/N, look at me. Don’t do this, don’t blame yourself for any of this, and don’t say that you aren’t because I can see it in your eyes. Cadence has people, she has Danny and she has Arttie, sure she doesn’t have a dad and maybe Harry wasn’t the right guy for you, but you can’t put this on yourself. You and I both know she is more than enough, and it is our job to make sure that she knows that. Okay?” Her hands were wiping the tears off of your face, her knees were starting to hurt from all of the little rocks being pushed against her skin, but she could hardly care because the only thing that was on her mind was you.

“She is going to grow up and she is going to ask more questions about him, and all you can do is tell her the truth. This conversation; it’s inevitable, but how you choose to go about it is all up to you. You can victimize him and say that he wasn’t ready to be a dad, or you can let her in on the abusive asshole he really is. He doesn’t deserve her, Y/N, he’d do the same thing to her that he did to you. That’s not the lifestyle she should have to live.”

“What if I don’t deserve her?” You croaked out. You knew that whatever she was saying was the most honest she could get. Alex never hit you but he was so possessive and manipulative, you let him belittle you to the core. Cadence didn’t deserve that. She also didn’t deserve a trashy two bedroom apartment on the cheap and not so great part of town. Sure you tried your best, but what if your best wasn’t good enough for her to live her happiest life?

“Don’t even go there, that baby adores the ground you walk on! I don’t ever want to hear you say that shit again, you deserve her most! I mean, you gotta believe that.” Her tears were evident, not falling but could definitely be seen. You didn’t know why she felt the need to cry, but you couldn’t comprehend anything at the moment. So instead you watched as Cadence ran around her little play set -- a tiara in her hair and a magic princess wand in her hand -- chasing Daniel around claiming he’s her frog.

--

Later that night when Cadence went to sleep, you opted for a glass of wine, something you wouldn’t normally tend to as you hated the way any and all alcohol tastes. You were out on your balcony, your wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, just thinking about how today could’ve gone so much better.

After your little talk with Zoey, Daniel and Cady came over -- Cady noticing the tears on your face and proclaimed a massive group hug. She was so smart for a two year old, it blew your mind and made you wonder if she was yours at all. Then you would look into her eyes and see yours shining back at you. She definitely had features of her father, like her nose and her blonde hair, but she was like you in so many ways that you couldn’t quite comprehend.

If you had the option, you would go back and do today all over again. There would be no tears, there would be no what if’s, all there would be is laughter and joy of having your best friend back home. However, life doesn’t work like that and you have to live with the fact that you let your insecurities show.

You were a good mother, you know that, raising a child alone is a really hard thing to do, and yet here you are. There was no exceeding in raising a kid, but their accomplishments are your accomplishments because you got the privilege to raise them. When Cady first started to walk, you wouldn’t stop gushing about it to your coworkers. And when she started to talk, it was an even bigger accomplishment in your eyes so you threw a little party for her. She was your golden girl and yet you still felt like you were failing her.

The next morning -- Tuesday, one of your worst -- was pretty hectic. You and Cadence woke up later than you were supposed to, so instead of taking a shower you had to use dry shampoo and a lot of deodorant. Instead of cooking breakfast you guys drove through the Starbucks drive through and got Cady her breakfast sandwich -- and a cake pop because she asked super nicely -- and an iced coffee for yourself.

The daycare had no time limit on when she had to be there, but you were definitely late for work. Being a week off had really thrown off your game, or so your boss says, but she was happy to have you back. When you walked in, you saw your coworkers Avery and Brim awaiting your arrival.

Brim was short -- 4”11 to be exact -- she had colorful hair and tattoos for days. She was your closest friend at the office, having only been there a month longer than you were. Avery got there two years ago, she was short as well but not nearly as short as Brim was. They were only your office friends, not really caring about what goes on outside the office, no matter how hard they tried to get you to go out with them.

“Would you look at that, she makes an appearance.” Brim joked out. She had a smirk on her face and her hands were holding a cup of coffee. How could someone smaller than you, intimidate you more than one that is taller than you? “Ha ha, very funny. My daughter was sick, I couldn’t just leave her to the wolves for a whole week.” You sat down at your desk, which is coincidentally right across from Brim’s and down the row from Avery’s. There weren't many people working in the office, it was a relatively small company, but it was what brought in your paychecks so there were no complaints.

“How’s she doing? You’re not a very social person so I couldn’t stalk your social media.” Avery was one for twitter and instagram, you however didn’t really know anything about the platforms. Sure you would post some pictures of you and Cadence, or one with your friends but you’ve never been one to share personal information.

“She’s doing better now, her uncle just got back into town yesterday and he’s like her favorite person in the world so she’s over the moon. How are you guys, it’s been forever?” You asked while signing into your computer. On your desk was a small picture frame that held a picture of you and Cadence at the park. She was only a year old at the time, she was in your arms and you were just laughing at her while she waved her arms in the air. It was a little bit blurry but that just brings out the natural side of the photograph. There was another one from her first birthday party, she had cake all over her face, and she was not impressed.

“I heard Ayden was stepping down from his management position, so if I get lucky he might name me as a person of interest!” Brim spoke excitedly, you nearly spit your coffee out. Ayden stepping down from management? That was unheard of.

“Brim, you can’t use your fuck buddy to get ahead of everyone else. If anyone is going to get his job, it’ll be Y/N.”

“Woah, who said I even want the management job? I have a child, ya know? I would like to spend as much time with her as I possibly can before she starts hating me for random teenage shit.” Your computer was now on but you were facing the two girls. Brim pointed at you with a knowing look as if she was saying, see!

“Dude, she’s like two. You don’t have to worry about that for another thirteen years!” The thought was tempting, really it was. You would get paid two times as much as you are right now, but then you’d also have to work more. Go to meetings, create data analysis charts on how to make the company better, branding deals. You would do the work if you could, but nobody wants a single mother of a toddler as their manager. Your time isn’t as lenient as it once was. Plus, would it really be worth it to lose your friend over a position?

“I don’t know. I would love the job, really. But Brim, you seem to have your heart set on it.” Her face softened the tiniest bit, which confused you because Brim was not known to be a softie in the office.

“I guess we’ll just see. I’m going to get both of us an application and whoever they feel is more qualified will obviously get the job, deal?”

You were weary of this proposition but alas you agreed.

“Deal, but you have to promise me that it will not change or ruin our friendship.”

“I promise, grandma.”

Both you and brim used one set of arms to lock pinkies with each other while the others lock into a firm handshake. Your arms forming a cross, one on top of the other.

--

“Alright, so I have a question for you and you can feel free to turn it down but I really hope you hear me out.” You and Cadence were back at Zoey’s house, you go there a lot because you have nothing better to do and as you said, Daniel is Cady’s favorite person. “Oh dear god, Zoey, what is it?”

“Your birthday is tomorrow, I was just wondering if we could throw you a party here tomorrow? I know you say that your birthday is just another day of the year, but in reality it’s so much more than that. So let us do this for you. Please, please, please--” You couldn’t sit there and listen to her beg you over and over again so you said yes, no questions asked.

You really didn’t like your birthday, mainly because every year your mother would complain rather than celebrate the day she gave birth to her child.  It wasn’t something you found important, now for Cady it wasn’t just a normal day. Even though you didn’t go through it the proper way, that was still the day you became a mother. And the months following that -- the day that she got out of the hospital -- you would throw another party just because.

“Fine, but it can’t be big. You know how I am around people I don’t know.”

“Obviously. Now let’s talk colors. I was thinking blue but your favorite color is yellow so what if we do a mix of both?”

Zoey rambled on for the next ten minutes about the color scheme she was going to do, occasionally you would let out a simple mhm or yeah just so she would know you’re ‘paying attention’. Cadence and Daniel had built a huge blanket fort covering the entirety of the living room, he would make an amazing dad you thought.

“Hello? Y/N are you even listening to me?”

Snapping out of your haze, you saw Zoey snapping her manicured nails in front of your face. “Hm? Yeah -- yeah I was, I just kind of zoned out for a second. What was it that you were saying?” Her questioning gaze now faced back at you.

“Can we invite Harry?”

“No, no way. I’m not letting him back in when Cady just stopped talking about him.”

“Y/N, he’s Daniel's best friend. You’re my best friend--”

“It’s my birthday.” You tried to fight back, but Zoey was two steps ahead of you. It didn’t matter if Harry was Daniel’s best friend, if she wanted to throw this party for you then there will absolutely be no-

“Harry? Mommy is Harry coming over?”

Shit.

“No.”

“Yes, I’m calling him right now.”

As if your day couldn’t get any worse, Zoey goes and does this. Goes against your wishes and does whatever she wants, but it’s not like you can opt out now because now Cadence is jumping up and down -- her princess nightgown flowing with the wind -- her squeals being heard from miles away.

Ringing and cheers of joy were the only sounds heard as Zoey hit the call button. You couldn’t find yourself to hate her, but you certainly didn’t like her at the moment. When the ringing stopped, you thought that it had just gone to voicemail like all of your calls to him. But a few seconds later you heard the familiar voice speak through the phone.

“Hello?”

“Harry, hey! It’s Zoey.”

“I’m aware, I have caller ID. Why are you calling me, it’s almost eleven?”

You couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in your ears, this just goes to show that he wants nothing more to do with you. And that’s fine, you have Cadence.

“Hi Harry! Wait, Harry can’t hear us?” Cady ran over and grabbed the phone, her Harry coming out more as ‘Hawwy’, due to her lack of R’s. She also didn’t know how phone calls worked, that is something that she would also say on the phone with Zoey, except the only difference now is it’s Harry's name coming out of her mouth. “Harry can hear us.”

“Cadence? Zoey, is Y/N over there?” He sounded frantic, almost like he actually wanted to know. But you knew he didn’t, he was probably only asking so he could hurry off the phone.

“Yes but that’s not why I called, tomorrow we are having a little party and we would just love for you to attend.”

“A party for what? I’m in the studio all day tomorrow, what time is it?”

“It’s mommy’s birthday tomorrow, right mommy?” Her attentioned turned towards you, you heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, not a care in the world what he’s doing. “Yeah baby, it’s mommy’s birthday -- It starts at eight, feel free to be late, okay bye!” Zoey cut you off right as you were about to say that he didn’t have to show. But you’re not the only one who had to say something before the line dropped dead.

“No, wait Zoey!” Harry spoke out, but Zoey was faster than words.

“How exactly do you plan to throw a party in--” You took a second to check the time on your phone -- 11:34 -- the word ‘in’ being dragged out. “Nineteen hours?”

“Oh Y/N, poor, simple, naive Y/N. You underestimate me, my love.” She answered, another one of her signature smirks hidden poorly on her face.

And boy was she right about that. The next day at exactly eight-twenty-three, stood over a hundred people in the backyard of Zoey’s house. It was overwhelming to say the least. Blasts of neon yellow and light blue illuminated the gates of her huge yard. It was a neon ‘glow in the dark’ party, as Zoey called it. As soon as you walked in she splattered glow in the dark paint all over your only dress, to which you complained about.

“Lighten up a little, you’re twenty-five now! I’ll buy you a new one if it makes you happy, but let loose. My mom’s got Cady tonight so you’re allowed to have a little fun!” She had to scream over the music, it wasn’t the ideal way to spend your birthday -- you’d much rather be cuddled up with Cadence and watching Rapunzel -- but she was right. You did have to loosen up, and even though you hated the taste of alcohol, that is exactly what you needed to get through this night.

You made your way to the open bar on the right side of the yard, a bartender who doesn’t look that much older than you -- and quite stunning if you had to say -- smiled your way. “Can I get a vodka cranberry? Seems totally appropriate for the scene, don’t you think?”  

The bartender laughed and shook his head before he turned around and made the drink before replying. “I would go for something a little bit stronger, a girl like you seems like the straight tequila type.”

“A girl like me, huh? And how do you get off on knowing what kind of girl I am?” You weren’t sure where the confidence came from, you were ever good when it came to social interaction.

“A twenty something year old girl attends a party and is looking for a stronger drink than vodka so she can forget everything. The past, the present, the overthinking of the future, but she’s too scared because she might do something completely irrational and out of character and she doesn’t want to have to face the embarrassment. Am I close?”

Your eyes were wide and lips were parted. The drink you had ordered was slid across the bar but wasn’t there for long when you downed the whole thing. Truth is, he was right. So right that the next words out of your mouth were;

“Alright then hotshot, get me a shot of tequila. But you should know that I’ve already lived my early twenties and am now stuck in the middle.”

Before you know it, salt and a slice of lime is being passed your way with the shot coming right after it. A heavy smirk plastered on his face as he watched the process you took. Shot first, salt next, lime last. Totally out of order.

“You took the shot first, you know it’s supposed to be the salt first, right?” The unnamed guy laughed out. Seriously, you were there about ten minutes and you still have yet to learn his name? “I’ve learned a lot of things in my days, one of them being that I hate tequila. So, if I do the shot first, the worst part will go down before I get the aftertaste of salt and lime.”

“You are one strange girl, lemme tell ya. I’m Austin.” Ah, there’s the name. Without even asking another drink was placed in front of you, however it was something you weren’t aware of nor did you ask for it. However you didn’t question it too much because you were actually enjoying the presence of another person that wasn’t Zoey or Daniel.

“So how do you know the birthday girl then?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed and elbows sitting on the counter.

“Oh, it’s a funny story actually. We grew up together, did absolutely everything we possibly could together, then when we went off to college we kind of lost touch with each other until a year ago. Now that I think about it, it’s not really funny but that’s the story of my life.” You weren’t completely lying, but that was a story for another time. Right now all you wanted to do was let loose and have a decent night.

That decent night didn’t last for long though because not even an hour later you saw his tall figure eyeing you from the corner of the back yard. But you couldn’t care less because right now you were dancing it out with a once in a lifetime, drunk Zoey, and you were having fun. You were also slightly on the more drunk side, and by slightly I mean completely trashed. The tequila and five -- six other drinks you had were really taking a number on you.

It wasn’t until you started dancing with this guy that’s had his eye on you all night that you finally felt his presence beside you. “Y/N, can we talk?” His voice was deep and raspy, he almost sounded angry? He couldn’t be angry with you, not when he blocked you and refused to talk to you all because you got defensive over your daughter.

“I’m kind of busy right now.” You replied bluntly, clearly not in the mood to deal with whatever shit he wants to put you through. When Harry grabbed onto the small of your wrist, that’s when you snapped. Not vocally but physically. First you started off with throwing the rest of your drink in his face and then forcefully grabbed his hand, throwing it off of you.

Now having nothing, you walked back to the bar where you were greeted with two smiling boys. Daniel and Austin.

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl! You having fun out there, you look like you’re having fun?” Daniel was sitting facing the other chairs, his right arm was leaning on the bar holding his drink to his smiling mouth, and his left one resting on his knee. Austin looked at you surprised.

“Birthday girl, huh? Now why would a girl like you lie to a guy like me?” Austin let out a fake pout while also bringing back the girl like you nonsense. Except this time, you weren’t in the mood. “What’s a guy like you asking a girl like me such personal questions. And no, I’m not having fun, not anymore. Tell your little boyfriend to leave me alone, I have no desire to talk to him. Can I get another Vodka Cranberry?”

Daniel looked around confused for a moment until he saw what you were talking about -- or more precisely, who you were talking about. He knew that you and Harry had your issues, but part of him thought that the two of you would resolve whatever feud was going on because if what Zoey had told him was true, you guys had what she called chemistry.

“Y/N, if you would just hear the man out.”

“For what, Daniel? For him to blow up on me because I said he had no relations to my kid or so he could give me this sappy speech on how he ‘accidentally deleted my number’ and try and victimize himself because neither sound too-”

“So he could apologize, for real.” You were cut off before you had the chance to finish your sentence. Spinning around on your heel -- and nearly tripping over your feet, that only led to Harry putting his hands on your hips to balance you -- you looked up at the man in front of you. Standing tall in all of his stupid glory, you quickly pushed his hands off of your hips and tried to walk around him. This time going out of the gate and into the driveway.

“Look, I know it looks bad, okay? But you have to believe me when I say it really isn’t what you think happened.”

“Oh so you didn’t leave me to read after I tried to apologize to you? You didn’t decline every single one of my phone calls? You didn’t leave me -- leave us -- after you said that you wouldn’t! Because to me Harry, it seems like you did just fucking that!” You shouted at him, his eyes were burning into yours and you couldn’t help but look away. Honestly, you didn’t know why you got this worked up over him, you’ve only met a few times and one of those times you happened to kiss.

“Okay yes, I did, but I was upset okay? And I had no reason to be upset.”

“No, you didn’t because it was my mess to deal with and you just showed up and ruined everything!” It seems like the more you talk to this man, the more your emotions get the better of you because tears were edging close to your eyes.

“I didn’t even do anything!”

“You hurt her, Harry! She thought you left her, she felt fucking worthless and less than what she is because you walked out on her! She adored you Harry and you shut her out.”

Harry was confused, who had he hurt?

“Who are you talking about, huh? I haven’t spoken to anyone other than you and Zoey, and surely it wasn’t Zoey because she’s the one that invited me here. So tell me Y/N, who the fuck did I hurt because to me it just sounds like you’re making up lame excuses to make yourself feel better.”

You were taken aback at this statement. His demeanor was nothing short of pissed, you had exceeded past his breaking point and you could feel it. He forgot about her. She was the reason that you had this fight -- not really because of her but because of your protection towards her -- and he forgot about her.

“Who do you think, asshole? Cadence. She asked me the other night what she did that was so wrong that you had to go and leave her. She thought that she was the one that did something wrong. I sat with her for hours, hours Hary trying to explain to her that she didn’t do anything wrong. That you didn’t hate her, but it’s hard to inform a two year old that the guy she wanted around forever was no longer going to be in her life because he did the one thing he promised not to do. The night on the balcony, after we kissed you vowed to not leave us. I said it was inevitable for the pain to come and that the only thing I didn’t want was Cady to get the low blow end of it all. And you promised that you could never even think of hurting Cady in the way I have hurt, but you did Harry. And I can't forgive that. So take your stupid apologies elsewhere because I’m done.”

The tears that were once brimming your eyes, now leaked down your face and your voice was soft. Almost too soft and you didn’t think he heard any of it. But he did, and he couldn’t feel anymore of a jackass than he does at this very moment. The party was long forgotten and all of his attention was struck on your hurt figure, hurting him in the process. The past few days Harry was working on finding out what his true feelings were for you, he hadn’t meant this for to happen.

It wasn’t supposed to happen. He was going to come here tonight, apologize and try and earn your forgiveness, then he was going to ask you out. He was going to take Zoey’s advice and woo you. But in the process of it all, he hurt one little girl who least deserves it. And for that, Harry couldn’t blame you, he wouldn’t forgive himself either.

So instead of ending the night with a victory kiss to the girl he’s fallen head over heels for, it ended with watching her walk her way into the dead of the night so she could get to Liz’s house that was just down the street. His heart going a million miles a minute, tracing for any possibility to make her forgive him. But all that was forgotten when he felt the hand of Daniel lead him back inside.

Was there a way to fix this? He thought.

But what he didn’t know was that two houses down, curled up on the king side bed in the guest room, Cadence sleeping next to her -- Y/N was thinking the same thing.

----

January 2013

Looking around she wasn’t sure where to go or who to speak to. The busy buzz of backstage was intimidating at best and people seemed only to be concerned in their own little bubble. Moving to the side as a fast-moving cart of clothing came flying by Catherine Jane Parks sighed and continued down the hallway.

Her long platinum hair was tied back into a loose braid and she had loose strands framing her face. Her light honey-colored eyes darting left and right until she came across a blonde woman standing around the round looking over a sheet of paper.

“Excuse me, Miss.” Keeping her voice light and hoping her confusion wasn’t too evident.

Watching as dark brown shot up to her and saw the surprise as the other woman took in her jeans and Nike hoodie. Smiling in what she hoped was a friendly matter CJ pushed forward.

“I was wondering if you could tell me where to find.” Pausing for a moment she had to remember what exactly to him.

Their relationship was so new and fragile that they had dared put a label on it. Digging out her phone from her back pocket she scrolled through some text messages and nodded silently when she came upon it. Looking back up at the blonde she smiles big.

“Hunter?”

She saw the blonde’s eyes go wide and dart from left to right then swallow hard. Then after a stale moment, she nods and chokes out softly as she points down the hallway. Licking her lips as she starts to speak and rolls the paper she had been looking at up in her hands.

“Down that hallway, take a left, third door on your right. Knock right- always knock first.”

Then she taps the rolled-up paper against her head as if she was reminding herself to do so. Nodding as she turned down the hallway CJ thanked her and made her way with the directions she was given. Coming up on the door she leaned her head against it for a moment. This would be only the second time they have met, and it took her breath away.

Knocking as she got herself back under control, hearing his rough voice call out in a biting command.

“Come.”

Smiling as she pushed the door open and slipped inside. He was sitting at a desk, in a dress shirt that was rolled up to his elbows. His eyes were focused on a piece of paper, but twitching to look at a laptop screen that was set up to his right. CJ simply leaned against the door and watched him for a few seconds.

Then his eyes flicker to her, a ghost of a smile graces his lips and gentles ask. “How was your flight?”

Kicking herself off the door and moving closer she settles into the plush chair that is across from his desk. Their eyes haven’t strayed from one another, they are both smiling like idiots now. There is so much to say and to do now that she is here, here with him.

“Good, I have never flown before so it was something else.”

She sees the surprise in his dark eyes, the hurt as well but she dismissed it. She doesn’t want regret or hurt between them. Reaching to lay a hand on top of his she squeezes lightly, hoping he understands. Smiling a little when a light shines in his dark eyes. Suddenly there is another knock on the door. Withdrawing her hand she sits back in the chair, almost ashamed. Smiling a little when he whispers out an apology and then bellows out.

“Come.”

Turning cause she is curious about his life and his business because she wants to be a part of everything that is him. She blinks in surprise as three rather large men come walking in, Hunter sighs and picks up the paper he had been looking at when she had came in.

“Joe, Colby, Jon, good good.” His eyes dart to her and she realizes that maybe she has overstayed her welcome?

Hitching her thumb towards the door in silent question and wanting to squeal in delight when Hunter shakes his head. She simply nods and tries to melt more into the chair. Hunter sighs and shakes the piece of paper at the three men.

“Care to tell me what this was about?”

Glancing back when she heard a deep sigh followed by a grunt. She saw the man in the middle close his eyes and rub at his temples, the man to his right just stared ahead, but the man on the left looked right at Hunter and muttered softly.

“Poor timing or self-defense?”

He said it so innocently CJ was almost convinced until she saw the glint of his hard blue eyes. The small kick of a smile on his lips, then a lock of his hair fell into those devilish eyes and CJ knew what he was. He was pure trouble. Moving without thinking about she made her way to stand by Hunter’s side. Not trusting Mr. Blue Eyes for a minute.

She was aware her movement had all four men looking at her in question. Shifting uncomfortably, she glanced down to see the paper Hunter was waving around at the three men in front of him.

A police report

Snorting softly, it would seem as Mr. Blue Eyes was a little troublemaker. Feeling his hard blue eyes on her she moved closer to Hunter, and keep on reading the report only stopping when Hunter spoke again.

“How do you claim self-defense, Good? She was an undercover cop.”

Mr. Blue Eyes, aka Good which she found hilarious because she only see him being good at being bad.

“Fine Entrapment then, fuck boss-man the things she said she could do with her pus.”

Eyes wide, mouth going dry. Watching as the guy in the middle slapped Mr. Blue Eyes in the chest and the other man grunted. Hunter raising out of his chair, a snarl on his lips.

“You watch your fucking mouth, Good. There is a Lady present.”

Mr. Blue Eyes blinks at Hunter then at her, all the while rubbing his chest. When goes to open his mouth Hunter snaps out.

“You all three are fined ten thousand dollars each, consider it a welcome to the big leagues.”

When Mr. Blue Eyes flares in either anger or disgust Hunter adds.

“The next time it will be fifty thousand and a suspension. I don’t give a fuck hot the Shield is right now. You will learn to play by my rules and understand that this is not the fucking indies- you understand me, Mox?”

Putting a hand on Hunter’s foreman she wasn’t sure if this was a normal business day for him or not but he seemed so invested in what was happening. That it got her blood pumping, when he cast her a look. She smiled big for him. When he shoots the three men another glance she can tell he is calmer.

“I know you’re still adjusting, especially you Jon. I told you once, listen to Joe okay. He may have the least amount of experience in the ring as you and Colby but damn it man you all can learn shit from one another.”

Nodding in satisfaction she beamed at him, letting go of his foreman she knew from her own background that wasn’t always peaches and cream.

“It’s all about being a team. Learning each other's weaknesses and strengths. It’s not always easy to let someone in or let pick at the scabs you have.”

All four men were looking at her again, blushing. She shrugged and picked up a pen from Hunter’s desk, and clicked a few times.

“Colton words, not mine.”

Mr. Blue Eyes asks and she can hear the amusement in his voice. Making air quotes with her fingers she murmured.

“My dad, ex-bad boy player extraordinaire.”

Mr. Blue Eyes actually laughs at her then sticks his hands into his jean pockets.

“Darlin you don’t know bad boy until you know me.”

Now she is laughing, so much so that she has to hang onto Hunter’s chair so she doesn’t fall.

“You a bad boy? Please!”

She totally misses the hardness that enters his blue eyes as he takes a step forward, the middle man jerks him back and grunts out.

“Leave her alone man, she is just a little girl.”

Snorting as Hunter opens his mouth but she adds.

“I and a group of my friends met Colton at Peru’s. He had just bent my mother over in the bathroom for fifteen minutes after a fight, didn’t know who in the hell I was so after some angry sex and seeing my mom talk to me he thought it would be cool to try to get with me in the same bathroom.”

Hunter is snarling and has her in his arms in a flash. She is laughing cause she thinks it’s so damn funny now. Mr. Blue Eyes is smirking saucy.

“He didn’t piece it together for a while and for a while I let him play the charmer. You, can’t outdo Colton Messer, my friend. No matter what you say or do.”

The third man finally speaks up in a low smooth voice.

“The Colton Messer?”

Nodding she laughs as he flinches and glances at his friend then sighs. He mumbles a second later.

“Yeah, Uce give over. If half that shit is true- not even Mox is as bad as he is.”

Nodding as she shyly snuggles deeper into Hunter’s embrace she watches blue eyes blink then narrow. He licks his lips then after a moment he shrugs, turns to face Hunter again.

“Okay fine, you tightened the leash on your new puppy. Can we go?”

Hunter only grunts, his hand is in her hair, his lips on her forehead and she finally knows what it’s like to be home.

--------------------------------------------

Watching him across the room she can help the smile that graces her lips. Seeing him in this element is breathtaking, his wife Stephine stands beside him but she could care less about that. The woman doesn’t seem to care for CJ, and that’s just fine. Hunter keeps them separated most of the time, except when they are at shows.

WWE shows

At twenty-four CJ never thought she would be working for such a company. Currently, she is working with Mr. Maddox who is a pure gentleman and a delight. She has caught on quickly that the wrestling world isn’t like the outside world, or even the racing world. Colton was always trying to sucker into working for him after graduating from college this spring. Hunter had put his foot down and told her absolutely not.

Glancing at him again she couldn’t help but be proud. She was aware of the rumors backstage, Hunter and she hadn’t gone public with their relationship. Hunter was trying to give his wife as much as needed to adjust to having CJ around and in her face. But the rumors were there already.

They simply chose not to acknowledge them because in Hunter’s words.

I am sorry CJ, like it or not. I know Steph- you’ll be a storyline before long.

Then the nature of their relationship will come to light, some would doubt it she was sure of that. But Hunter promised to take care of things. And so far he had upheld all his promises to her.

Like never having to see Chase Beckett again.

Frowning at the thought of the man that almost ruined her life she blushed when Hunter suddenly met her gaze. His dark eyes weren’t soft and playful like they normally were but hard and cold. She had gotten used to seeing that look for the cameras for TV. Watching as he brought his cell phone up to his face she watched in slight concern as after a moment he hung up and looked away from her. His attention back on whatever his wife was talking about.

“That was strange.”

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, jumping slightly when a warm hand comes to rest on her right shoulder. Turning she comes face to face with one Dean Ambrose, whom she first met in Hunter’s office three weeks ago as Mr. Blue Eyes. Of course, she knows Dean is just his character’s name and his real name is Jon. But she still gets confused sometimes on what to call these guys.

“Mr.”

He doesn’t let her finish instead he gently takes her elbow in hand and starts to lead her out. They were at some charity event and blinked as his two friends flanked him as they near the door.

“No fuss and no noise sweetheart. Hunters command.”

The phone call

“But why?”

The question is out of her mouth before she realizes it, the man gliding her only grunts but when a reporter at the entrance calls out.

“Chase, can we get a word?”

Stiffing she tries to melt into three larger men, she hides the best she can. Once they make it out, pass the entrance and into a SUV she reaches in her purse and digs out her phone and hits a speed dial number.

“Yes?”

His voice is gruff and hard, but she can hear the concern under it. It makes her want to weep.

“Thank you.”

There is a pause then in a year of their relationship she finally whispers.

“Thank you so much and I love you.”

He sucks in a breath, and she starts to openly cry. His words are light and his voice is gentle.

“I love you too, CJ. Since the day I met you.”

She hears him hang up and she can’t stop crying because even with the hurdle of telling Hunter she loves him she feels so very much alone. A strong arm comes around her shoulders and she doesn’t even blink; she just turns into him and balls her eyes out.

--------------------------------------------

May 2013

To say he has gotten used to being a WWE superstar is understatement. But he has watched and listened. After the fiasco in January, Joe had put the hammer down to their partying and he had cleaned up his act. Not that he was super bad to begin with.

Jonathan Good was a good man, or that’s what Colby and Joe says. Joe’s old lady swears by it too.

If you wasn’t I wouldn’t trust you with my daughter, you asinine.

Chuckling at the memory as he warmed up, they were coming off Mania season and anything could happen. He had no clue if the Shield’s thing with Sheamus, Big Show, and Randy Orton was completely done or not. Then inside of his brain snarls and pokes at him. He wouldn’t tell a soul about this- about how bad he is hurting because being handed a scripted for every promo kills him.

The snarling and poking inside of him, he knows is from his creative side. It’s a side that has mashed into his old Mox character and the fucker is still breathing and living deep in his soul.

But he is trying to cut it out, slowly and carefully. And, it feels like, with a dull ass spoon. Certain things don't help, either. Namely the little young number that is currently his boss' side piece.

Since that back in January he has kept a loose eye on her. CJ Parks even landed herself a job as a personal assistant to Greg Maddox. That he mused, was an injustice, all by itself. But who was he to say otherwise, one of the perks of fucking the boss man he supposed.

Looking over at Joe he put it out there.

“A what-if for you.”

It’s a game they play, Joe was quick to catch on it helped with his mental state at times. So six month into their run, having become closer, the bigger man only grunts as he sits down and slips on his boots.

“If you were the princess. Wouldn’t it piss you the high off that your hubby was keeping his younger side piece in your face all the damn time.”

After all he mused Hunter had called him and his boys from their charity interview a while back to pull his babygirl out of the whole event for some odd reason. Colby butts in with.

“Maybe it’s an open arrangement?”

Looking at Joe specifically he asked more heatedly.

“But I mean, the age- wouldn’t it be like robbing the cradle or something?”

Joe chokes on thin air and shakes his head, Jon can see the smile he is sporting though. The is a knock on the door and when whoever doesn’t wait for an all clear it speaks volumes. Watching as Hunter himself slips into the locker room, Jon plops down and reaches for the tape out of his bag. It doesn’t take Hunter long to get to the point.

“Tonight you boys will seek out Maddox for a new challenge. However he will get wind of it, and high tail it out of here. That leaves you dealing with his assistant.”

Sighing softly so this was why the personal face to face. Hunter wanted to make sure they treated his side piece with kid gloves. Fair enough, he supposed, they could-

“Ambrose I want you to go full throttle on her.”

Blinking in total surprise and a little shock, he nodded.

“Sure I can- WAIT. What?”

Joe snickers at him and Colby clunks down beside him in a hurry. Hunter only grunts then raises a hand and rubs it over his domed head.

“If you can get her to shed some tears even better. Dip into Mox if you have too but keep it PG. Cause this where things are going to get interesting boys, seems like Dave is coming back. And well since Randy is still wanting some of you boys.”

Colby is leaning forward like a kid on Christman morning. His eyes are lit up and sparkling up but Jon can’t seem to care because he can’t seem to wrap his mind around Hunter wanting him to cut a promo on his side piece. And not just any promo. Suddenly Hunter's words break through his thoughts.

“That’s right Evolution will be reborn next week.”

Shaking his head he drops his tape and snaps out.

“Hunter are you sure, you want me to cut a promo on your girl? I mean..?”

Hunter gives him a hard look then stands, looks at his watch and nods. Moves towards the door, all without looking back at him.

“You have one hour Jon. And three takes to get it done. Don’t disappoint me Jon.”

--------------------------------------------

The Shield finds Maddox's assistant in their joint office, her pretty long platinum hair is twisted into a messy bun that has chopstick sticking out of it. Her eyes look so fucking delicious behind a pair of reading glasses. She is on her cell phone, her eyes go wide and big when she sees them.

Dean gives her credit for standing when they file into the office room. He barks out.

“Where is Maddox?”

She physically flinches and replies to whoever is on the phone.

“Mr. Hemsley one moment if you please.”

An errant “Jon” thought crosses his mind.

Do you call him that behind closed doors baby?

Dean quickly pushes it away, there is no time or space for Jonathan Good or Jon Moxley in the here or now. This, THIS right now belongs to him- belonged to Dean Ambrose. He won’t screw it up again. Never again.

“Gentlemen how may I assist you tonight?”

The Mox in him howls and begs at his control, they had rehearsed the promo earlier. It had taken all three tries to get, he not happy with the first- she the second. And now here was another damn character in his head wanting to detail the whole damn thing. With something that clearly wasn’t PG. That clearly would get him fired.

“Little girl, you can’t assist me with what I want.”

And there it was. Jesus Fucking Christ. Not only did he see the surprise in her honey colored eyes but he FELT the surprise in his teammates. Shifting the US Championship belt on his shoulder he grinded his teeth together, how in the fuck to save this?

“What you can give me, and my boys, what we want!”

Okay that was a little better, at least it was getting them back on track. Then to his horror he saw something flash in those shiny golden eyes, saw her lips form in o pout and the tilt of her head as she looked him dead in the eye and leaned forward.

“Nope!”

His mind blanked.

Time stilled.

When it picked back up and he reacted it wasn’t Dean Ambrose that snarled back, almost happily.

“I was hoping you would say that, doll.”

As quick as lightning his hand shot out, tangled itself, her messy bun hair do and brought her smashing up against his body and her lips up against his.