𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎

Over the last week you two have been playing phone tag, leaving each other voicemails just to hear each other's voices in the meantime. Dean has listened to all of yours a stupid amount. A few nights in a row he played a lengthy one you left, just rambling about your day and how much you miss him, just so he could fall asleep pretending you were next to him. 

Him being at school in Boston and you being at school in Connecticut is starting to get to him. Only a few more months, Dean keeps telling himself. A few more months until you graduate and then you can spend the summer together nonstop. 

Beau lightly pushes Dean’s shoulder to get his attention. “Did you hear Logan?” Dean furrows his brow. Beau rolls his eyes. “We’re going back to the house to hang out. Come on, you can ride with me.”

Everyone empties out of the large booth heading tk the parking lot. Dean brings up the rear with Beau, watching Hannah and Garrett being lovey dovey with each other. Garrett kisses Hannah’s cheek and whispers something in her ear to make her giggle making Dean think of you. How your laugh makes his stomach do flips. The feel of you against his lips a warmth he’s missing on this frigid October night. 

Dean flops into the passenger seat of Beau’s car, the usual playlist softly coming from the speakers. The ride back to the hockey house goes by quickly. Dean stares out the window lost in his thoughts of you. He swears he sees your car about three times, the only difference was that none of the plates were from Massachusetts. 

“You ok, man?” Beau asks, turning onto the street of the hockey house. Dean only gives a grunt in response. 

Before Beau can put the car in park Dean lets himself out of the car, his body leaning forward as his sour mood worsens. “So no Mario Kart for you tonight?” Beau calls after him. Everyone else climbs out of Garrett and Logan’s cars watching curiously as Dean shakes his head no. The group follows Dean up the stairs and through the front door at his own pace, holding their breath as they wait for him to notice his surprise. 

“I mean, I’ll play but my heart won’t be in it. Probably come in last on Rainbow Road.” Dean mumbles without picking his head up. Tucker pulls at his face waiting for the sad sap to just look up for the love of god! “I’ll set up,” Logan says, patting Dean on the back as he walks by. 

He watches Logan turn on the switch, then the TV, and switch around the cables without looking at the couch. Hannah and Tucker are waving their hands dramatically for Dean to just look at the fucking couch! 

“Dear god man! Look!” Garrett yells, grabbing Dean’s face to pivot his gaze to you sitting nervously on the couch. You give your boyfriend a small smile as you pull at your fingers. 

“Hi Deanie.” His jaw hits the floor. You know he’s ecstatic to see you but you can’t help the wave of anxiety that rushes over you. “I have that weird long weekend so I thought I’d visit as a surprise. I asked Beau if you guys were busy and he said no, so I set my location on my iPad and surprise.” You ramble. 

Dean clears the living room in two strides, scooping you off the couch into his arms, spinning you around. “You’re here! Oh my god YES!” Dean puts you down to look at you like he was committing every part of you to his memory. As if he could ever forget you, he just wanted to make sure you were the same. He traces the prominent freckles across your cheeks, then down the slope of your nose, the tip of his finger catching on the little imperfection on the bridge of your nose from that accident from childhood. The warmth of your skin seeping into his cold hands makes him not want to let go. 

“Hi angel.” He whispers, pressing his lips softly to yours. “Hi,” you whisper back. 

Dean’s mouth widens into a grin, his head slowly turning to his friends. “Alright boys, brace yourselves. My good luck charm is here so you’re all going down.” 

“Bring it.” Tucker says, swiping a controller off the TV stand. 

Settling on the couch you press yourself into Dean’s side. He kisses your temple, wrapping you in his arms to pull you on to his lap. 

“Y/n?” Tucker’s sweet voice has a hint of worry as he slowly approaches you. Pulling yourself together as best you can (which is just a smile plastered on your red, tear stained face) you face your friend. “Hey Tucker.” Your voice cracks on his name. 

His face folds into a sad look that reminds you of Kermit the Frog. Correlating Tucker to the sweetest muppet does nothing to help your tears, if anything you start sobbing a little harder because he’s so sweet. 

“Oh y/n,” Tucker says softly. Gently draping his arm across your shoulder he guides you to the couch, leaving you for a moment to make you a cup of tea. 

He brings you back a steaming mug of your favorite black tea. “I got the good honey when I went shopping.” He gives you a comforting smile. “Thanks.” You say through the lump in your throat. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head no, not trusting your voice this time. “Ok. Dean should be home soon though, I bet that will cheer you up.” Tucker gently pats your shoulder and leaves you be, busying himself in the kitchen to give you time alone.

You focus on taking deep, calming breaths but the feeling of anxiety keeps crawling up your throat making harder to keep your tears at bay. Gripping the ceramic mug you stare down into the liquid, watching as the steam dissipates, turning to hold your breath to keep everything back. 

After an eternity the squeaking of the front door hinges followed by Dean and Logan making their presence known has you jumping out of your skin. You keep your head down, not wanting your boyfriend to see how upset you are yet. 

“Baby!” Dean says excitedly. You peek up at him through your wet lashes and watch as his expression changes from happy to worried. Switching into concerned boyfriend mode Dean kneels in front of you, carefully taking the mug from your hand, setting it down on the coffee table. He cups your face in his large hands, tilting your face up to meet his. “Hey,” he coos. “What’s wrong? Why is my favorite girl crying, huh?” He swipes the tears away under your eyes with his thumbs. The question makes your face scrunch up and all your efforts to keep your feelings bottled up fail. 

Leaning into Dean’s hold you start crying even harder than before. Dean scoops you up, quickly taking you up to his bedroom to give you privacy. 

Dropping onto his bed with you in his lap Dean holds you to his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head. “It’s ok, I got you y/n. I got you, you’re safe with me baby.” He whispers as you sob into his chest. “Let it all out, baby.” 

You cry until you run out of tears. Your eyes sting and your nose is raw from how many times you’ve wiped it. You pull away from Dean to collect yourself. Your boyfriend is not ready to let you go, his hand lingers between your shoulder blades, rubbing soothing circles against you. 

“Sorry,” you say, your voice rough. “Don’t do that.” Dean chastises. 

You rub at your temples. “I know, I know. It’s just that you’ve had a lot going on–” Dean cuts you off by pressing a finger to your lips. He shakes his head at you. “We’ve talked about this y/n. Just because I have stuff going on does not mean you aren’t allowed to be too. Don’t shrink yourself down for my sake. Not when I want to help you.” 

You nod, taking his hand in yours to rest it in your lap. You play with his fingers as you gather your thoughts about where to start with what went wrong. Dean lets you take your time even though he’s practically vibrating to make everything better. He needs you to let out your feelings before he can take care of your problems. 

Collecting yourself, you tell Dean what you’ve been holding in for almost a month. Stress from class, internships, the future, even the stress Dean feels you feel. After you’ve finished Dean gives you a heartbreaking look. The pout on his perfect lips makes your heart break a little. 

“Oh baby. Come here,” Dean holds his arms open for you to crawl into his lap. You relax against his chest, your ear right above his calming heart beat. “I know we both have a lot on our plates but that doesn’t mean you can’t confide in me. That’s what I’m here for. And you should not feel the need to take on my stress baby, you’re already working so hard.” He gently nudges your shoulder, letting out a breathy laugh. “I know, I know.” You rub your tired eyes. “I can’t help it! I just want you to be ok.” 

Dean squeezes you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I know, and I love that about you.” You squeeze him back letting out a sigh. “We need a break,” you sigh again. Dean hums in agreement. “Well…spring break is a couple weeks away. And neither of us have anything planned yet.” You both give each other conspiratorial looks. 

You had hoped Azriel would bring you with him last minute. By the time you were kissing him goodbye it sunk in that you weren’t tagging along. Just him, Rhys, and a few of his men. 

Watching the car inch down the driveway was maddening. You swear whoever was driving was going slow on purpose.

The black SUV finally came to a stop in front of the front porch, all four doors plus the trunk open all at once. Cassian opens the front door to greet his brothers but Azriel cuts him off. “Where is she?” Azriel asks quickly. He pushes his sleek black sunglasses on top of his head to shoot Cassian a serious glare. His brother smirks at him, stepping aside to reveal you practically bouncing up and down. 

The smile on Azriel’s face grows to dazzling as soon as his hazel eyes land on you. You don’t even get to cross the threshold to greet your fiance. Azriel clears the small stone steps and porch to fling his broad body at you, wrapping you in his arms. Muscle memory has you putting your arms in their rightful place, wrapped around his neck, pulling Azriel impossibly closer to you. He buries his face in the crook of your neck breathing you in, reveling at the feel of you against him after so long. 

Azriel’s hands travel slowly down your back to your thighs, scooping you up and pressing his forehead to yours. “My love,” he murmurs, pressing little pecks to your lips. “Oh my love, I missed you like you wouldn’t believe.” 

You press a long, wanting kiss to his lips. “Missed you more.” You whisper against him. “I doubt that,” Azriel groans, deepening the kiss, pressing you to his body.

You break apart from him with a small ‘oh’, just remembering the thing you’ve patiently been waiting to show Azriel. Pushing on his chest gently to be put down Az complies, still keeping his hands planted on your waist. After being away for so long Azriel refuses to let you wander farther than arms length. 

“I wanna show you something. I got something while you were away, it’s kinda crazy though.” You smile and scrunch your face. He raises a brow in confusion as to what his quiet girl could’ve done. 

“Don’t keep me in suspense angel, what did you do?” Azriel teases, trying to pull you back to him. You lightly push against his chest to turn with your hip towards Az. 

“You know how you always hold my hip right here and pull me close to you? And you leave me notes in the morning when you leave for work or when you go away?” Azriel nods, a soft smile pulling at his lips. 

Your heart starts pounding, cheeks flushing from the shyness that’s suddenly overcome you. 

“Well, I kept rereading the note you left and the others. I noticed you always sign them ‘Always yours, Forever mine’ and loved it. When I was reading them I realized I wanted something more permanent than pen and paper.” You watch as the realization of what you’ve done dawns on Azriel’s face. 

Your loving fiance does his best to hold back a feral grin. Keeping his composure as he nods for you to show him the permanent change you’ve made to your body in honor of him.

Turning your right hip to Azriel you pull the waistband of your pants down, revealing your tattoo. Forever on your skin in Azriel’s handwriting is “Forever Mine”.

Azriel’s jaw drops and his eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. He drops to his knees slipping his hands under yours so he can really look at the ink you got for him. Your hands immediately find home in Azriel’s soft, dark hair, your fingers gently running through it like you’ve longed to do for weeks. 

“Is it healed?” He asks. “Yeah. You can touch it if you want, love.” 

The rough pads of Azriel’s fingers lightly drag across the words tattooed on you. His head tilts up to you again. A lovesick on his face, making his usually sharp features soften. “You got this for me?” His voice just above a whisper. You nod with a small smile pulling at your lips. 

Azriel’s pupils take over his bright hazel irises. He bends his head down and presses a long kiss to your tattoo. 

Azriel stands, his hands moving to cradle your face, his forehead resting on yours. “I will always be yours, my sweet girl.” Azriel presses a long kiss to your lips. “God, I fucking missed you.” He laughs out. “I can’t believe you got that.”

“Do you like it?” 

“Do I like it? My love, you are insane if you think I hate that tattoo. I fucking adore it. It’s hot that you got a tattoo for me.” You giggle and kiss Azriel some more. 

Az scoops you up in his arms, carrying you towards the en suite bathroom. You raise a questioning brow at him as Az crosses the threshold.

“I have airplane germs all over me and we haven’t been together in almost a month. I’m not showering without you. Plus I need to stare at that tattoo some more, completely unobstructed.” 

A knot in your stomach tightens forcing your head to jerk forward, your wide eyes meeting Lorcan’s dark ones, his focus completely on you. His eyes tracking every move you make like the deadly predator he is. Every jerk of your hips, every sharp breath is an indicator to Lorcan that he’s doing his job. He leans further over you, the rough pad of his thumb brushing over your chin to push your head back to keep eye contact with him as he pushes his cock further into you. 

“AH–Lor,” you moan. “So big I–I need,” you’re cut off by another deep thrust of Lorcan’s hips. “I know baby, I know. You’re doing so good for me, my good girl.” Lorcan says so low you swear he growls. “I can feel that you’re close, you can let go baby you deserve it. Come all over my cock baby make a fucking mess.” 

At Lorcan’s encouragement your fourth orgasm of the night rushes through you, making you tremble and push against Lorcan’s hips. You fall limp against the bed, your limbs feel like they weigh a thousand pounds. Your head is cloudy with real life trying to creep when you want to focus on how Lorcan just pleasured you until you were putty in his hands.

Lorcan slowly pulls out and starts pressing soft kisses across your hip bones and tummy. “Hey, focus on me baby. Eyes on me, there we go.” Lorcan says softly. One of his large hands slides up your side from your thigh to rest at the base of your neck, the heel of his hand at the center of your clavicle. You melt into his touch, feeling your mind refocus on your mate. Your lips pull into a lazy smile as Lorcan slowly crawls up your body. He presses a soft kiss to your lips, smiling at how you are still so responsive to his touch. 

His free hand comes to squeeze your hip. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” Lorcan whispers, moving to pick you up bridal style. 

After a nice hot bath and Lorcan giving you the best scalp massage you’ve ever had, he carries you back to bed, pulling one of his sleep shirts over your head. As soon as Lorcan is in bed you snuggle into his side, your eyes half closed as you attempt to look at him. Lorcan smiles at you and presses a sweet kiss to your forehead. “How are you feeling, my love?” You let out a hum and press closer to his side. 

“Good.” You say, a little hesitation lingering in your voice. 

 “Tell me what you need, baby.” Lorcan prods gently, cupping the nape of your neck and rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. 

“I just want to focus on us, right now. I liked what you did earlier with your hand just laying on my neck. I just really like feeling you.” 

Lorcan feels his heart swell with the love you have for him. He never thought he would be able to be this gentle with someone – never mind finding his mate – until you stumbled into his life. The patience you showed him helped Lorcan navigate his feelings at the start of the relationship. 

You wait for Eris to acknowledge your presence before you say something else. Just a look or even a pensive hum will do. You don’t get your wish as his amber eyes stay glued to the papers in front of him. 

“You missed our meeting,” you say as casually as possible but the hurt you’ve been harboring came through anyway. You waited over two hours by the lake for Eris to show up this afternoon.

Whenever you can, you and Eris take time to be away from the Forest House with each other. You’re not entirely sure what you two are, if you’re dating or something more. You want him and you think Eris wants you. He’s been distant for a few days now. 

“I wasn’t aware you were on my schedule.” Eris says without looking up from the page he’s studying. You feel your heart cease beating for a few moments at his cold tone. Eris has never been short with you even with others around. Not even with his father near. 

Taking a step backward you try to collect yourself. “Apologies, my prince.” You bow your head mostly so he wouldn’t see the tears welling in your eyes. Not that Eris would react with how this conversation is going. “Y/n there is no need to address me that way.” 

A sarcastic laugh leaves your lips. “I thought that’s what you were insinuating.” Eris steps around his desk making you step back again. Eris freezes, his face distorted in panic. 

You find the strength to pick up your head to look into his amber eyes, swallowing the growing lump in your throat. “Is there…did you need anything?” Eris asks, trying not to sound too empathetic. You shake your head no at him, refusing to look at him again.

You turn to leave his secluded part of the library, a foreign feeling taking shape in your chest at the divide Eris has just made clear between you. “Please, do let me know if your schedule opens up. I’d hate to inconvenience you by coming by unannounced.” Eris physically winces at your harsh words. He deserves them, there isn’t a doubt in his mind about that.  

Maybe one day Eris can explain it all to you and you can forgive him for this. In a twisted way he’s doing this to keep you safe. The threats Beron had strung together this afternoon were so vile Eris had to rush back to his rooms to be sick. Images of females that got too close to his brothers from the past haunting him. 

If anything happened to you the likes of Jesminda, or Lyra, or Dianna he would never be able to forgive himself. Hell, he wouldn’t be able to live. The idea of any harm coming to you makes him ill. 

The wide cavernous room takes your breath away. The room is all smooth gray stone, a domed ceiling with lights reflecting off of what look like icicles hanging. Steam rises from 6 different in-ground pools around the room. You gravitate towards the one with a good amount of steam rising from the surface of the water. Just to make sure you were right about the temperature you kick off your slippers to dip your toes in. 

Your head falls back and you let out a sigh, feeling the warmth course through you. You quickly shed your bathrobe and nightgown to fully submerge yourself in the bath. The warm–borderline scalding actually–water laps at your shoulders. Sitting on the little built in stone bench you rest your head back against the edge of the bath. 

You stay like that for a long time, reveling in the fact that the water isn’t losing warmth and you can stay down here as long as you like. 

Mere moments later you feel something skitter across the back of your neck,making you jump. You sit up, whipping your head around to see what could have possibly touched you. A wisp of darkness shyly inches away from the edge of the bath, almost hanging its head in shame for scaring you. “Come here,” you say gently, holding out your palm for Azriel’s little shadow. It wiggles a little before flying at your hand, slowly swirling in your open palm. “What are you doing so far from Az?” 

“It’s not,” a familiar voice says, followed by the sight of two tall Illyrians smiling down at you, towels hanging low on their hips. The shadow comes to a halt as your jaw drops slightly at the glorious sight before you. Your cheeks are turning redder by the second and not from the temperature of the water. 

Azriel gives his shadow something of a disapproving look and it rushes back to rest at his shoulders with the others. Cassian moves from Az’s side to test the water himself, letting out a pleasant hum. “Mind if we join you, love?” Cass asks with a wicked smirk. You feel your brain stop functioning for a long moment at the question. No way this is happening. You definitely went back to bed after dinner and are now having an insane dream due to the chill from earlier. 

You realize you’re staring strangely at your best friends (who you wish were more than just friends) and force yourself to nod yes. As the pair drop their towels with yours you avert your gaze. They slip into the bath on either side of you. Cassian spread his wings a little to stretch the joints and let them rest in the hot water. 

You stare at them as they relax, wishing they were able to be this at peace all the time. You wish you could be with them all the time. 

Azriel’s hazel eyes meet yours. You get a little ashamed, being caught staring at his beautifully muscled and tattooed chest. He gives you a small smile and you quickly look down at the ripples in the water. 

“Hey,” Az whispers, inching closer to you. So close that your bare thighs now touch. You can’t look him in the eye like this. Or Cassian, who seems to just be enjoying himself, floating with his chest up and wings spread enough not to touch anything. 

You fold your arms against your chest, bringing your hands just another surface to pick at your nails to distract from Azriel’s proximity. He gently hooks a scarred finger under your chin letting his thumb rest just below your lip. “You don’t need to be shy with us, love.” Azriel gives you one of those soft rare smiles that makes your stomach do flips. “I-I’m not it’s just, I just-” you stutter out, not totally sure where you were going with your sentence. “We’ve just never been this close is all.” You murmur. 

“No, but Cass and I have wanted to be, with you that is.” Az slightly trips over his words. You feel yourself calm down a little at his nerves shining through. 

Cassian settles himself behind you, pressing his chest to your back, snaking his arms around your waist to keep you close to him. You lean into his touch like you’ve wanted to all day. Finally warm and relaxed in his strong arms. “Is this ok?” You ask, your hands moving to hold Cassian’s forearms. “More than you know baby,” Cass says with a smirk, lightly biting at your earlobe then pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “You’re ours baby, don’t even try to deny it.” 

“And we’re yours,” Azriel adds, his face so close to yours your lips are almost touching. Your stomach drops like one of them just dropped you out of the sky and the other caught you too close to the ground. 

Taking the plunge you lean forward pressing your lips against Azriel’s. He kisses you back, sending chills through your body. Azriel cups your jaw keeping you close to him, deepening the kiss. You moan against his lips and grab at his hips. 

Cassian runs his calloused hands down your sides to rest on your thighs squeezing them. You melt into him even more. Cassian pulls you onto his laps grinding his hardened length against your ass sending a wave of pleasure through your body. Breaking away from Azriel you turn to connect your lips with Cassian’s. He devours you like a man starved, forcing your lips to part for his tongue. 

“Y/n?” your name from Nesta’s lips has the walls closing in around you. Her voice was everywhere, crawling over your skin and sinking claws into you. You practically jump out of your skin as she silently runs from the other end of the hall, appearing in front of you. A growl slips from your throat at her intrusion. 

“Y/n, what’s going on?” Nesta runs her fingers gently down your arm making you twitch and violently pull away from her. Your shoulders curl inward, pulling your arms into you, trying to rub the uncomfortable feeling of Nesta’s touch from your skin. 

Nesta hums, understanding your actions, getting hit by the memory of her and Eris’s first few years as vampires. The overwhelming sense of everything attacking her. 

“Come on, let's go see Eris so we can help you.” Nesta gently wraps her arms around you so as not to irritate you too much, guiding you towards Eris’s office.

“Oh, my heart,” Eris coos. “What’s wrong? You’re trembling like a leaf in the wind.” Nesta sets you down on the couch between them, hoping their presence alone can help ground you. 

You feel your senses settle a little. Touches from your mates feel like rocks pelting your skin and the fabric of the couch feels like sitting on pins and needles. You curl in on yourself once again, fiddling with your hands in your lap, your head hung low so they wouldn’t see your tears. 

“Everything is just-just so gods damn loud! Why can I feel everything I hear an-and why can I hear EVERYONE when they are so far from us?! I don’t know how much more of it I can take before I rip my eardrums out!” Eris gives you a sympathetic look, clasping his hands in his lap so he’s not tempted to touch you. “Can I try something that helped Nesta when we first turned?” 

You stare at Eris with tear stained cheeks and fury in your eyes. Not at them, never. Not when you asked to be like this, to be with them forever. You’re angry because you feel weak. Like it’s taking you too long to adjust. You nod in defeat and Eris leans into you, his forehead resting against yours. Eris takes your hands in his as Nesta covers your ears with hers, pressing down hard to block out any sound in the room and beyond. 

The chatter from the village and the creaks and groans from the castle dull and you relax against them. “That’s it my heart, just relax.” Your eyes widen as they meet his warm amber ones. Eris can’t help the smirk that spreads across his lips. This was new. At least to you. 

“I know, heart. Telepathy is a common power among vampires. Yours will develop soon, I promise.”“You should’ve told me,” you pout at him. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” Eris teases. 

“Do you hear anything that’s bothering you?” Nesta asks sweetly. 

You pull your focus from your mate for a moment to think. There’s nothing. No voices, no creaks and groans or dripping water from pipes. Just your mates. 

“No,” you say, an air of relief in your voice. 

You put your full weight on Eris, pulling Nesta with you to be a comfortable weight on your back. “Can we stay like this for a while?” They hold you tighter. Nesta presses a kiss to the back of your head. “We can stay here as long as you like.” she reassures you. “And we’ll teach you how to block it all out, heart.” Eris promises, placing a kiss on your lips.