You Do Not Yield

Azriel let out a heavy sigh. "I just need sleep." He said honesty.

Rhys and Cassian shared a single look, one in which they agreed to put off the days meeting in order to get to the bottom of Azriel's exhaustion. In all the centuries they'd known Azriel, they'd never seen the male drag his feet, not unless he was severely injured.

"You haven't been sleeping at night?" Cassian asked.

Azriel looked between his brothers for a moment before sitting down in the closest chair. He dragged a scared had through his hair, and as he paused, Cassian and Rhys thought he might fall asleep right there.

"No,"

"Why?" Pushed Rhys.

Azriel was quiet for another long moment, then, "Y/N."

Cassians brows raised as a chuckle slipped out of him. He crossed his arms, like he coukdnt wait to hear what Azriel had to say next. "Your mate keeping up too late?"

Azriel met Cassian's coy gaze.

"Yes," Azriel hissed.

"Listen, if you need to tap out in the bedroom, I'm always-"

"Cassian, enough." Rhys cut in. Despite Azriel's bone deep exhaustion, there was a fire in his eyes from hearing Casian's words.

Cassian looked between Rhys and Azriel and seemed to understand with a dip of his head.

"Is everything okay between you and Y/N?" Rhys asks.

Azriel let out a deep breath.

"She's pregnant."

"Congratulations!" Cassian and Rhys called at the same time. "That's wonderful news." Rhys added.

Azriel nodded. "It is. It's- I'm so happy at becoming a father." He said tenderly. "But with the pregnancy, she's begun to sleepwalk."

"Y/N's sleepwalking?" Cassian confirmed.

"Yes, and mother's tits, I can't fucking relax."

"I'll bet." Rhys said. He tried to imagined his own mate sleepwalking while expecting. He was already worried when she was awake, but to be wandering around while unconscious... yeah, Rhys could understand his brothers exhaustion.

"Every night, for weeks," Azriel groaned. "Sometimes she even tries to leave!"

"Where?" Cassian asked.

"She seems to think she's going shopping for the babe."

"And when she doesn't try to leave?" Rhys asked. "What does she do then."

"Mostly she trys to clean things up, even though it's already clean. She refolds clothes, dusts the rooms, last night she tried climbing our bookshelf!"

Cassian let out a laugh. "Why would she do that?"

"To fucking dust!" Azriel hissed—which was enough to have Cassian absolutely howling with glee. Azriel rubbed his face. "It's been weeks of this."

Cassian let out one last cackle before sobering up. "Want us to babysit her?"

Azriel looked up at his brothers. Cassian looked at Rhys, checking, before meeting Azriels gaze again.

"Seriously," Cassian added. "We watch your mate for a night or two, make sure she stays nice and comfy in bed, while you catch up on some sleep."

Azriel thought about it.

"You're practically dead on your feet. You'll be no use to your mate if you're delirious with fatigue." Rhys said as he stood. He came around his desk and layed a hand on Azriel's shoulder. "You're off work this week-" Rhys squeezed his brothers shoulder when he saw Azriel go to speak. Rhys knew he wouldn't like the order, but Azriel needed the time off.

"That's an order," Rhys clarified. The male nodded his head to the exit. "Go rest. Tonight I can watch over Y/N, make sure she's safe and comfortable, then we can go from there."

Azriel looked towards the exit, already dreaming of laying down in a cloud of sheets and sleeping peacefully. "Okay, but if something happens tonight, if Y/N needs me-"

"We'll wake you," Rhys confirmed. "Now go, sleep."

With heavy, slow movements, Azriel stood and made for the exit.

"Goodnight!" Cassian shouted, disreguarding the bright rays of sunlight streaming in through the window.

Azriel didn't bother to answer. He had one mission now.

Joel can see a cabin up a head. He prays that it's vacant, that it's safe. If he's really lucky, he might even find some extra food and supplies in there. He turns around to face you, tell you to pick up the pace so that the two of you can warm up inside, but as he takes in your form, he knows something is wrong and the words die on his lips. Joel makes quick, long strides in order to reach you. His hands come up and grab hold of your shoulders, steadying you in front of himself.

"Hey," he barkes. His voice comes out harsher than he means to, but you don't seem to notice. "What's gotten into you?"

Your gaze meets his own and Joel notices how glassy your eyes are. "Nothing," you answer, but that only has Joel's brows furrowing in further stress.

"Say that again," Joel orders.

"What? Nothing's gotten into me, Joel."

"Shit," Joel curses. His hands squeeze your shoulders as he pulls you into his side. You stumble in the snow as Joel starts moving, but his firm grip on you keeps you upright. "You're slurrin' your words." He says more to himself than you.

It takes your mind longer than it should to process everything. Somewhere in the back of your mind there's alarm bells ringing, but you don't have the brain power to focus on it. You don't really have the brain power for anything.

Joel doesn't want to leave you out in the snow to freeze. He already sees the signs of hypothermia in you. But he can't bring you into the cabin without clearing it first. The risk of walking into a cabin filled with infected was too great, and so he begrudgingly lets you go outside the front door. You slump against the wall, eyes slipping shut, but you remain upright. Joel takes that as a good sign.

Looking around the outside of the cabin, Joel finds no signs of anyone being inside. A turn of the knob and the door blows open from the wind. The handle smacking against the wall with a loud clack that has him tensing.

It takes Joel no time at all to clear the cabin. With just two rooms to check, it was obvious no one had been inside for a very long time. Twigs and dust littered the floor, a few brown leaves that had probably blown in some time in the early fall. There was no fireplace, but even if there was Joel didn't have any kindling.

He finds you right outside where he left you, but your head has fallen forward, and your eyes are closed. You don't open them as Joel carries you inside. He rolls out his sleeping bag beside you so it's ready. As soon as Joel gets your wet, freezing clothes off, he plans to stuff you in the sleeping bag and get you warmed up.

"Common'" Joel grunts as he takes your jacket off. As soon as you feel the heavy fabric leave your body, you're reaching out for him.

"No," you slur. Your eyes are glassy, and Joel has the sense that you're looking through him rather than at him. "I can do it." You tell him.

"Now's not the time to be Little Miss Independent." Joel tells you.

You shake your head—or try to. Really, it's more of a flop in either direction that has Joel fearing he'll hear a crack. "'M hot."

"You're hot?" Joel questions back. His mind is racing back. Back to his early days of camping and reading survival manuals. Hot— hot is, bad. Your eyes have slipped shut again, but Joel's quick to shake you awake. "Gotta stay with me, darling."

His hands work as fast as they can to take your clothes off. His fingers are fat and frozen, they fumble with every button and every zipper, but still, he doesn't stop until he has you out of everything and tucked into the sleeping bag.

He throws off his own wet outer layers of clothes, tosses them somewhere in the room where he can't see them, but hears the damp slap as they hit the floor. Clad in his underwear, he lays next to you, wrapping you up in his arms. Sleeping bag and all.

"Hot," you mumble, your eyes still closed.

"This is gonna help you, trust me."

Nothing else is said for a long time. And Joel stays with you a long, long time. He doesn't know how many hours have passed, but you're still breathing, your heart's still pumping, and that's what's important to Joel right now. Nothing else matters.

Joel watches the sun set in the window that's across from him. It's not the bright pinks and oranges he sees in the summer, but rather a soft grey, almost purple.

Just as he's debating on whether he should let you sleep through the night or try and wake you to get some food in your system, he feels you shift. Flinch, really. A jerky movement and a whimper. He looks down at you to see your eyes squeezed shut, like you're in the middle of a nightmare.

"Hey," he speaks softly. "Hey, darlin' wake up." Your eyes open slowly, your blinks slow. "There ya are."

You look at him for a long time before you speak. "Joel?"

"Yeah." Joel answers. His eyes roam your face, taking in the colour of your skin and the glassy look in your eyes.

"What happened?" You ask.

"I'll tell ye as you eat, okay?" Joel says. He posses it as a question, but doesn't wait for any sort of answer before turning around and reaching a long arm out. His fingers grasped onto the strap of his backpack and he pulls it over to the both of you.

"I-my clothes-"

"Your clothes are soaking wet." Joel answers. "Now here, eat this," he says as he offers you a piece of jerky.

You stared at him as you slowly bit the jerky. Your eyes never leaving his as you chew.

"You went hypothermic," Joel says finally. "Whats the last thing you remember?"

You swallowed. "Walking, in the snow," you paused, gathering your thoughts. "We were talking, I think."

Joel nodded. "Yeah, I said you were slurrin' your words. And ya started saying your were hot."

"Hot? When I'm hypothermic?"

"Yeah hun, happens-" Joel stopped himself for a moment. "Happens near the end."

"Oh," The realization of how close to death you were slowly sinking in through the fog in your mind. "Ohh."

"Yeah," Joel clears his throat. "But you're here, you're awake."

"Thank you," you said quietly.

Joel gives a sharp nod of his head. The emotion swimming in your gaze too much for him to handle. "Yeah," he coughs. "Always." Joel moves and it's then that you realize that he's nearly fully bare. His naked chest is pressed against your own bare body. You try not to give it much thought, try not to think about him, naked.

"How long have I been out?"

"Ah-" Joel turns to look out the window. The first few stars are starting to show up. "Few hours, I'd say."

"We're not getting back home tonight, are we?" You ask, following his line of sight out the window.

"Not a chance. We'll stay here, honey, until-"

"Why're you bein' so sweet to me?" You ask boldly. "You're dropping all these pet names on me."

"Shit, sorry-"

"No," you shake you head. "I mean, I like it. Im just confused. I thought you didn't like me."

"Didn't like you?" Joel parrots.

"Yeah, like I was too annoying or something, too much of a kid."

Joel was quiet for a long minute. When he spoke, his voice came out gruff. "Trust me, I don't see you as no kid."

"You don't?"

"No, darlin'. And I dont dislike ya either."

"Then why do you actually the way you do? Like you don't like me?"

"Cause," Joel sighed. He really couldn't believe what he was about to say, but after watching you nearly die, he found himself suddenly craving to have everything out in the open with you. "I'm too old for ya, too old to be crushing on a sweet thing like you. So I made," Joel paused again. "I made some distance."

"You, you're crushing on me?"

Joel groaned. "Yeah sweetheart, but I don’t know if we should be discussing this now, not in our state." Joel nodded to your naked bodies and you couldn't help but suddly feel embarrassed.

"Right then. Later?"

"Later?"

"Yeah," you say softly. "We'll talk about this later, back home? Maybe over some coffee?"

Joel raised his dark brows. "Are you talking about a date?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "Perhaps."

Joel looked at you for a moment before laughing. A loud, bark of humor that had you feeling a little silly for the idea of a date with him. That was, until he answered you.

"Yeah darlin' I'd like that."

"Yeah?" You lit up under Joel's confirmation.

"Yeah, and I'm buyin'."

Azriel realized he didn't have his shadows with him. He hesitated, only for a moment, but it was in that moment the darkness erupted around him. He had the sensation of being thrown backward. A sensation proven true once his back hit the ground, wings splayed out wide against the cool floor. A fist grabbed at the collar of his shirt, and Azriel opened his eyes to meet the furious gaze of his High Lord.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Rhysand demanded. Azriel reached for the hand that was grabbing onto him, pushing himself away and stumbling into a standing position. Azriel swung his gaze around the room, taking in his bedroom, the rumpled sheets, and the scent of fear. Rhysand steps forward, arms thrown open in fury. Azriel's shadows swarm him, whispering horribly.

Mate. Hurt. Danger.

Rhysand. Feyre. Mate.

Mate. Hurt mate.

"Rhys-"

"ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOUR MATE?" Rhys roared as he threw his hands forwards, pushing against Azriel’s chest. Behind him Azriel saw you, just a glimpse, but you were sprawled across the floor with Feyre hovering over you.

"What happened?" Azriel choked out just as he watched Feyre pick you up and disappear from the room. "Where is Feyre taking-"

"Shut up." Rhysand hissed. Azriel had only ever seen his brother this furious a few times over the centuries. "You don't get to ask questions right now. I want you to sit down and tell me why in the cauldron's name your mate woke me up in the middle of the night to get you to stop choking-"

"What the fuck?" Azriel cursed.

"My thoughts exactly," Rhys echoed, his tone cooler as he took in the state of his brother and the shock written over his features. Azriel never showed his emotions, not like this. It was enough to get Rhys to pause for a moment. "What happened tonight?" Rhys asked as touch softer.

Azriel stared at his scared hands as he tried to put the pieced of the night together. "I think I had a nightmare." Azriel finally said. "I mean, I know I did. But," Azriel shook his head, blowing out a long, unsteady breath as realty finally sunk in. "Occasionally, I get nightmares." Azriel admitted. Rhys nodded in understanding. "Sometimes, I'm woken up by my thrashing. Other times, Y/N wakes me up." Azriel looked up from his hands. "I don't know what happened tonight, but whatever it was, it's the first time."

"You really don't know what you did?" Rhys asked.

Azriel shook his head. "No," his voice caught in his throat, "but it's terrible, isn't it?"

Rhys sighed, hanging his head low in a moment of both exhaustion and sorrow for his brother. He knew his brother well enough to know that his next words might very well break him.

"It seems," Rhys began slowly. "That whatever nightmare you had tonight, was worse."

Azriel shook his head. "Spit it out, Rhys."

"You tried to kill Y/N."

Azriel's mind went dizzy, his consciousness threatening to leave. "What-"

"I got woken up by Y/N, asking, begging me to stop you. When I got here, you had Y/N pinned, you were choking her-"

Azriel choked on bile. His ears rang, cutting out all other noise.

His mate. He'd tried to kill his mate.

"I tried to kill my mate." Azriel whispered. Then again, louder. "I tried to kill my mate! What kind of male am I?" Azriel shook his head. "How badly did I hurt Y/N?"

Rhys shook his head. "I don't know. But she's with Feyre now, probably Madja as well."

Azriel nodded. "Can you go see? Check how she is for me?" Azriel wrung his hands together. "I can't be trusted to be near her."

"What if she wants to see you, talk to you?" Rhys asked.

Azriel looked at him with cold, broken determination. "No. You keep my mate away from me. Keep Y/N safe."

A rap at the door announced Cassian, who was cautious to enter into the bedroom. Azriel didn't bother to look at him.

Rhys looked at his brother for a long moment before speaking again. "Cassian is here, I called for him. I don't think you should be alone."

"Just make sure she's okay."

“Will do,” you said as you finally stepped foot outside. The night air had a chill to it that you weren't prepared for. Your shoulders curled in on themselves with a shiver crawling up your spine. Azriel’s hand gently touched your lower back and warmth bloomed at his touch.

“Winnow?” Azriel asked, his hazel eyes taking in your shivering form.

“Yes, please.”

Both you and Azriel made it a habit not to winnow when you’d been drinking, but the night's cold gusts of wind had sucked out any care for that rule.

Azriel clasped his hand around your own before winnowing the two of you back home.

When you’d mated, Azriel had decided to move into your townhome, a short walk away from the Rainbow.

The warmth of your shared home greeted you as soon as you appeared in your front hall. A sigh escaped you as you shucked off your outer clothes and walked further into the house.

“I'm tired,” you announced, as if Azriel wasn't already aware of the fact.

"Let's get you into bed, my love." Azriel's voice softened with every word as he guided you up the stairs, a gentle hand at your back in case you slipped. (Something that had only happened once.)

"Think Cass will actually win that bet?" You asked. Inside your bedroom, both you and Azriel got ready for bed.

"No, not a chance."

You giggled as you slipped a nightgown on over your head. "My money's on Feyre."

"As is mine." Azriel admitted.

The sheets were cool against you as you slipped beneath them. You allowed Azriel all but a second to get settled into bed before you latched onto him, seeking out his warmth. His shadows flicked against your nose, drawing a sleepy giggle from you as you shoved your face into the crook of your mates neck.

“Goodnight,” Azriel murmured into the crown of your head.

“Goodnight.”

—

You weren’t sure what woke you at first. No chill in the air, no pressure in your bladder like you sometimes experienced in the middle of the night.

And then you heard it. Azriel.

A groan, one akin to pain, slipped past his lips. His body thrashed, like he was fighting something. You sat up, a hand on his arm, gentle and soothing, attempting to coach him back to the world of the living.

“Azriel, wake up.” Another groaned and he curled away from you. You threw the sheets off, the air hitting your naked legs as you made your way around the bed. You didn't want to risk hurting his wings by climbing over his slumbering body. “Azriel,” you cooed, grabbing a hold of his shoulders. You gave his muscles a squeeze. “You're having a nightmare, wake-”

A scream of surprise tore from your throat as Azriel shot up from his sleep. His scarred hands clamped around your throat, ready to squeeze the life from you. You stumbled back, knocking into a vanity table. Azriel followed, his eyes unseeing. You clawed at his hands, wheezing and gasping. “Az-”

His hazel gaze, normally filled with love, was utterly blank. Not a hint of recognition in his eyes. Still, you couldn't find it within yourself to willingly hurt your mate.

Rhys, you thought. Rhys, help me. Please.

Azriel's shadows swam around you both before slipping beneath his fingers. His grasp loosened and you kicked out, hard enough that he faltered.

Please Rhys!

Darkness and night swept wind filled your bedroom before the pressure from your throat has gone. You stumbled, tripping over your own feet. Your knees hit the hard wood floor with a crack, but you didn't pay any mind. Not as you got the sweet relief of air back into your lungs. Your head swam, dizzy. Someone was yelling, and then there were soft hands on you. You gasped, jerking back into the vanity legs as you choked on air. Through blurry vision you saw Feyre crouching in front of you. Her lips drawn down into a concerned frown.

“Hey, it's me. You're okay.”

“Feyre-”

“Shh, you're okay. I'm going to winnow you back to our place.”

“Az-” you said. You couldn't see him, or hear him, but you heard Rhysand.

“-KILL YOUR MATE!”

You wanted to see Azriel, but Feyre collected you up in her arms and winnowed you out of there before you could say the words.

Madja was just arriving at the River House when you were getting situated. Feyre sat you down in her living room as gently as ever. “Madja is going to check on you, I called for her as soon as Rhys got to you.”

“What about Azriel?” You croaked.

Madja tisked you. “Don't speak,” she ordered.

“But-”

“Azriel won't touch you.” Feyre promised.

“No, I want to see him.”

“I said be silent,” Madja ordered, and you couldn't help but obey the older female.

As Madja worked to heal the damage to your throat, you searched inside of yourself for that golden threat tying yourself to your mate. It was pulled taunt, strained with whatever inner turmoil Azriel was going through. You pulled, searching for the end, for Azriel. Instead you were met with a wall of smoke and shadows.

Madja pulled away, and with it you felt the warmth of her magic leave you. “I can't change the bruising, but the damage is repaired.”

“Thank you, Madja,” Feyre said.

You nodded towards the crone. “Thank you.”

Madja looked at you, her gaze assessing. “Why in the cauldron's name that male did what he did, I don't know. But, if he wants to make amends, he better grovel for it.”

You said nothing as Madja took her things and left.

“What can I do to help you?” Feyre asked. “Would you like some tea?”

You shook your head. “I want to speak to Azriel.”

Feyre sat beside you. “Are you sure? What happened tonight?”

Rhys winnowed into the front hall before you should answer Feyre. He came around the corner, stepping into the living room as polished as ever, only his eyes held any sign of what he'd been woken out of bed from. “Where's Azriel?” You asked.

Rhys kissed his teeth before responding. “Cassian's with him, keeping an eye on… things.”

Your head fell forward in exhaustion. You were tired and worried and sore. Rhys stepped forward, crouching to be at eye sight with you. “Is he okay?” You whispered.

“No,” you answer quickly. Quickly enough that Rhys raises a brow at you. “Truely-” you explain. “He gets nightmares. Bad ones, but he never,” you shake your head at the feeling of his hands closing in around your neck. “He's never had an episode like this, not violent.” Your gaze looks between Rhys and Feyre. “He's slept walked a few times. I found him trying to get dressed in his gear once, but nothing like this.”

Rhys tilted his head, you could tell he didn't want to give you too much detail. “He's as expected.” You glared at him for the non-answer. “Has he,” Rhys broke off into a long sigh, as though his next question caused him physical pain. “Has he done this before?”

Rhys’ violet eyes searched yours, looking for any hint of a lie, that you were trying to protect your mate from the truth of what goes on behind closed doors. When he looked at his own mate, you knew all he found was honesty. “He asked me to keep you away from him.” Rhys says. He stands back up from his crouched position in order to sit across from you.

“What?” You leaned forward, eyes flicking between the High Lord and Lady. “Why would he do that? What's he-”

“He's scared,” Rhys said, and those two words had you stopping in your tracks.

“Scared?”

Rhys nodded. “He's horrified by what happened tonight,” Rhys gestured to your bruised neck. “He doesn't trust himself.”

“But it wasn't him, not really.”

“While you may feel that way, he's a male that's just attacked and injured his mate. It goes against every instinct we have to do something like that. He's terrified he could do it again and disgusted that it ever happened in the first place.”

“Let me talk to him.”

Rhys shook his head. “I don't think him seeing those marks he's left will help your case very much.”

A long, heavy breath escapes you as you sit back on the couch. You're suddenly very tired, and you think the night might be finally catching up with you. “He's blocking his end of the bond. I just want to know how he is. Tell him I'm okay.”

Rhys nodded. “I understand, but I think it's best I tell him. You need your rest.” Rhys gestured towards the staircase. “You can sleep here tonight. A room has already been prepared.”

You gave Rhys a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Rhys said as he stood.

“Tell him I'm okay,” you asked quietly as Rhys made to leave. “And that I love him.” Rhys gave a dip of his chin before winnowing away. 

“Common,” Feyre said as Rhys finally left. “I'll show you to your room.” 

—

Despite exhaustion weighing heavy on you, sleep evaded you the rest of the night. A few times you thought the shadows moved within your room, but everything you looked into the darker corners of your room, you were alone. 

The bond was still between you and Azriel. Cold–unused, blocked. You'd be lying if you said the silence didn't hurt. 

As the sun rose you dressed in one of Feyre's turtlenecks and trousers. You made sure the bruising was covered before going downstairs. 

“Thank you for helping me last night,” you said by way of greeting. Both Rhys and Feyre were sitting at the table, eating breakfast. 

“Always,” Rhys answered, his violet eyes full of honesty. 

“I'm going back home. I need to sort this out.” 

“Won't you stay for breakfast?” Feyre asked. 

You shook your head. “Thank you, but I need to talk to Azriel.” Your eyes fell to the plates of food on the table. Sliced fruit, tea, and baked goods. “I don't think I can stomach anything until I talk to my mate.” 

Both nodded, understanding better than most what you meant. 

“We're here if you need us.” Rhys said. You smiled, bidding them goodbye with a wave of your hand before you left their home. 

As much as you wanted to winnow away and see Azriel right then, you needed the walk home to gather your thoughts. You hoped he was still there, that he wasn't hiding up at the House of Wind. Otherwise, you'd need Cassian or Rhys to fly you there. 

—

Azriel was in the living room when you walked in. His shadows danced around him, restless, agitated, but his head hung low, as though his shame and guilt pulled him down. He didn't lift his head as you walked in, didn't turn towards you. You knelt before him on the floor, grabbing his chin gently and turning his gaze onto you. Whether he wanted to or not, he would see you. 

His hazel eyes roamed your body, focusing on your neck, as though he could see the bruising beneath your shirt. You both stared at each other, taking everything in. 

Surprisingly, it was Azriel who spoke first. “Are you hurting?” His voice was gravely, as though he'd been screaming. 

You shook your head. “No.” 

Azriel frowned. “Don't lie-”

“I’m not,” you answered earnestly. “Madja healed me. Nothing hurts.” 

Azriel nodded. “I'm so sorry,” his voice cracked, his hands clasped between his legs were white at the knuckles. “I fucking hate myself. I was having a nightmare, and you weren't you, it was the war, and,” Azriel shook his head. “I didn't know what was real, I thought I was on the battlefield, I didn't-”

Your hands cupped your mates' face. “Shh, I know.” 

“I swear on everything that I am, on my family and my court, I would never wish to harm you.” 

“I know.” 

Azriel's chest hitched, like he couldn't breathe properly. “I don't deserve to, but could I hold you?” 

You nodded as you stood up. “Of course.” 

Azriel scooped you into his arms and on his lap in the blink of an eye. His face buried in the crook of your neck. “I’m so fucking sorry.” 

“I forgive you.” You told him, and you meant it. You knew your mate well enough to know that he wouldn't forgive himself, not right away, and maybe not ever. You knew that he wouldn't trust himself to be in the same bed with you for a while, but it was okay. You loved each other, and you'd work on it. You'd show him that you trusted him, that you forgave him, that you loved him. 

Together, you'd put this nightmare behind you. 

---

“We suspected,” Azriel answered candidly.

“Is,” you paused, unsure if you really wanted the answer to your question. “Is that why you hate me? Is the thought of being mated to me that bad?” Something like pain flashed across both the males' faces, but you'd decided you didn't want the answer, you didn't want their pity. “Nevermind,” you said as you backed up. “I get it,” you mumbled as you turned toward the only bedroom in the cabin.

“No,” Cassian began, but you were already closing the bedroom door.

The cabin was one you'd been in a few times before. Used mostly as a safe house at the border of your court. You suspected Azriel brought you here to let you down. So he and Cassian could explain they didn't want you as their mate without your brother getting involved. From the bedroom you could have winnowed back home. To the peace and quiet and safety of your bedroom, but a part of you didn't want to leave the males. So, you locked yourself in the only room the cabin had. A small space. Filled only with a bed and a dresser. The sheets were cold and stiff, unused for ages.

A knock sounded at your door. “Can we come in?” Cassian asked.

“Why?” You huffed out.

A creak in the floor boards sounded, as though Cassian was on the other side of the door shifting his weight nervously. “We need to talk about this.”

“There's nothing to talk about.” You answered.

“Let us in, Y/N.” Azriel said. You debated your choices for a moment before deciding to open the door for them. You didn't expect to see the males' mouths turned down, or their brows furrowed with stress. You waved them in before going and sitting on the bed. Azriel propped himself against the wall across from you while Cassian sat at the edge of the bed, careful to keep his distance from you. “It's time we explain our side of things.”

“You mean why you hate me,” you corrected.

“We don't hate you, we've never hated you.” Cassian said.

“You have a funny way of showing it.” You grumbled.

“Just let us explain this first,” Cassian pleaded. He shared a look with Azriel before looking back at you. “Then you can do what you want, you can hate us, reject us-” Cassian stopped, and it was Azriel that continued for him.

“If you want to reject the mating bond, we would understand.”

“You don't?” You asked.

“Fuck no,” Cassian said as Azriel shook his head.

“We've liked you for a long time, Y/N. Long before we ever suspected a mating bond.” Azriel admitted.

“Rhys told us to stay away, that you were off limits.” Cassian said.

“He ordered us,” Azriel added.

“No flirting, no flings, completely off limits.” Cassian said. “So we figured, best to keep you at a distance. And we did that the only way we really knew how.”

“We acted like pricks.” Azriel admitted. “We made sure we were never overly mean, but never friendly.”

“It was fucking hard.” Cassian said.

You were pretty sure you had stopped breathing by now. The teasing, the cold shoulders, it was all a facade.

But it was a facade that was ingrained into you now. Bond or no bond, you couldn't forget that.

“Seeing Eris on you today, kissing you, touching you,” Azriel shook his head. “Naturally, with our luck, that's when the bond snapped for us, and my instincts, our instincts,” Azriel corrected with a nod towards Cassian. “They went crazy.”

“I still want to go back and fight him,” Cassian admitted.

Silence filled the room as you took in their words. The admission of their true feelings. “You made me hate you,” you breathed.

“We had to,” Cassian answered. “It was the only way we knew we could stay on the other side of that line.”

“The line my brother laid down for you.” You said.

“Yes,” Azriel said.

“So is that your plan moving forward, to just be fucking dicks?”

“We're tired of hiding our feelings for you.” Cassian said.

“What do you want exactly?” Something stirred inside of you as you asked the question. Something warm and low in your belly.

“Right now,” Azriel said as he pushed himself off the wall. “I want to erase any trace of Eris from your body. I want to show you how well I could worship you.”

“We just want a chance,” Cassian said. “A chance to prove we can be good, that we deserve you.”

Sometime throughout the conversation you and Cassian had moved closer together. With Azriel standing in front of you, the males were close enough that you could reach out and touch them both.

“You care for me?” You asked.

Both males nodded. “More than you know,” Cassian said.

“Then show me.”

Azriel's lips were on yours first. His scared hands grasped your hips to pull you closer. Cassian's hands trailed your body, his lips on your neck.

“Lay back,” Azriel instructed as he pulled back from your lips. You followed his instructions without hesitation.

“Wanted this for so long,” Cassian said as he shed his top.

The room was cramped for the three of you, especially for two large, winged males, but it seemed that none of you cared at the moment. The golden thread tying you all together was a living thing, threading your hearts together, feeding into your desire. Logic, rules, it all seemed to go out the window.

“I hated these past years,” Azriel said as he worked your top off. At the end of the bed Cassian was taking your pants off, his calloused hands trailing all over your naked thighs as he did so. “Watching from a far, keeping you at a distance.”

“Watching other males eye fuck you,” Cassian supplied.

“You have too many clothes on,” you directed at both the males.

Cassian sent a roguish grin your way. “Sorry sweetheart, we'll fix that.” With a flick of his wrist Cassian undid his pants. He pulled them off in one quick movement, leaving you to stare at his hard and aching cock. You smirked, understanding now why the male was always so cocky.

“Show off,” you mumbled.

“What,” Cassian said innocently as he climbed over you. “I thought that this was what you wanted?”

You kissed him instead of answering, although you suppose the kiss was an answer in itself. Where your kiss with Azriel was urgent, Cassian's was lazy. He kissed like he had all the time in the world.

A hand came down to your center, pulling a gasp from you. You pulled away from Cassian to see Azriel was kneeling on the bed at your side, one arm propped himself up while the other teased your core.

“Fuck,” you breathed. You felt like you were drugged, like the bond had fully taken over. You loved it. “Fuck me,” you ordered to neither male in particular.

“Easy,” Cassian said.

“We need to prep you first.” Azriel told you.

“I can take it,” you said.

Above you, Cassian shook his head. “No, I won't risk hurting you and neither will Azriel.”

“Besides,” Azriel said as he slipped a finger inside of you. “We'll make it worth your while.”

---

You didn't know how long you'd been in that cabin, nor did you care. Azriel fucked you with his hand while Cassian's mouth left marks all across your body. The room was hot, filled with moans and breathy cries of pleasure.

"Please," you begged. "I need your cock. Now."

"Needy thing," Cassian breathed into your ear.

"She's ready," Azriel said as he pulled his fingers from your soaking core.

"Ready for my cock?" Cassian asked. As if you hadn't been begging for it since he'd kissed you.

"Yes."

With nothing else said, Cassian sunk into you. His cock stretched you out, the thick head going further and further in you as he thrust slowly into your cunt. Azriels shadows found your breasts, squeezing them.

"Fuck," Cassian breathed as he finally thrust all the way in. "You're so tight."

"Fuck me," you ordered as you pushed down on his cock.

"I'm going to. But, fuck-" Cassian hissed as you squeezed your walls around him. "I won't be able to hold back." You looked into Cassians eyes, his pupils blown wide. You could tell that he meant it. Either from holding back for so long, or what you suspected was the frenzy of accepting the mating bond, you knew he wouldn't be holding back.

"Good." You answered with a smile.

Your answer seemed to lift an invisible weight off of Cassians' shoulders as he finally let himself go. His next thrust was hard, fast, and within no time at all he had the bed banging against the wall as he fucked into you. It was hard, fast, and exactly what you wanted. You knew you would be covered in bruises before you could even try and take your other mates cock.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come." Cassian warned. Cassian reached out and grabbed Azriel's hand. "Rub her," he ordered.

"Like that?" Azriel asked as he began rubbing your clit.

"Fuck! Yes!" You cried.

"Where-" Cassian gasped. "Where do you want me to- to finish?"

"Inside, fuck, Cassian!" You cried as your climax washed over you. Neither males stopped as your legs shook with aftershocks.

"Fuck," Cassian sighed as he came inside of you. You felt his cock throb, his seed filling you. It was everything you never knew you wanted. Or nearly so. "Took me so well," Cassian said softly.

"So good," you breathed happily.

Cassian chuckled. "Just wait until Azriel fucks you." He said as he pulled his softening cock out of you. You both groaned as his seed followed, dripping down your body onto the sheets below.

"Ready for round two?" Azriel asked as he situation himself between your thighs.

You pulled him in close, kissing him. You broke apart when you needed air. "Fuck me, Azriel."

Azriel kissed you again, slower this time. "As you wish."

Azriel thrust into you in a single move, pulling a loud moan out of you. His scared hands grasped your hips, pulling you down on his cock at each thrust. He fucked you like you were a toy. You loved it.

"Isn't she perfect?" Cassian asked from your side as his hands trailed over your breasts.

"Fucking perfect," Azriel agreed. "Our perfect mate."

Something inside of you glowed at his words.

Mate. Perfect mate. Ours.

"Yes," you cried. You didn't know if you were agreeing, trying to spur Azriel on, or just grateful for the males giving you pleasure. But you didn't care, and words kept tumbling from your mouth. "Yes, fuck, perfect." You gasped. "So good."

Azriels shadows ghosted across your body. Cool wisps that licked at your heated skin.

"Tell me I get to fill you up too," Azriel said. "Tell me I get to fuck my seed into you."

"Yes!" You cried loudly. "Fuck yes, Azriel!"

"Come with me," Azriel ordered.

Azriel thrust particularly hard, hitting that sweet spot inside of you, making you climax with a shout. A few more thrusts from Azriel, and he followed along with you, filling you up with his spend.

"Fuck," you gasped as the post orgasm haze settled over you.

"I'm gonna pull out, okay?" Azriel said. Your only answer was a silent nod.

Beside you, Cassian chuckled. "Guess we fucked you well."

You smiled. "Very well." You agreed.

---

You stayed in the cabin ever after you all cleaned up. Content to just be in each others presence.

"If you're serious about this, we'll have to tell my brother." Cassian and Azriel both tensed at the mention of another male. Their newly bonded instincts fighting through at the thought of another male near you. You watched silently as they both tried to stamp that instinct out.

However, Azriel's voice was noticeably gruffer as he answered you. "Of course we're serious. We want you, as long as you'll have us, we'll be at your side."

You smiled warmly. "Good," you said softly. "I like that."

"Does that mean you accept the bond?" Cassian asked, hope clear in his voice.

"I thought the sex answered that," you said coyly. "But yes, as soon as we're out of this tiny cabin, I'll bake a nice desert for you two."

"I would eat rotten fruit if you fed it to me," Cassian said seriously.

You couldn't help the laugh that spilled from you. "No rotten fruit. A nice cake. You'll each get a slice."

Both males nodded.

"We'll take whatever you give us, for however long you wish." Azriel said softly.

“We had to,” Cassian answered. “It was the only way we knew we could stay on the other side of that line.”

“The line my brother laid down for you.” You said.

“Yes,” Azriel said.

“So is that your plan moving forward, to just be fucking dicks?”

“We're tired of hiding our feelings for you.” Cassian said.

“What do you want exactly?” Something stirred inside of you as you asked the question. Something warm and low in your belly.

“Right now,” Azriel said as he pushed himself off the wall. “I want to erase any trace of Eris from your body. I want to show you how well I could worship you.”

“We just want a chance,” Cassian said. “A chance to prove we can be good, that we deserve you.”

Sometime throughout the conversation you and Cassian had moved closer together. With Azriel standing in front of you, the males were close enough that you could reach out and touch them both.

“You care for me?” You asked.

Both males nodded. “More than you know,” Cassian said.

You swung your head back in her direction. “I didn’t think they would be here.”

Mor muttered something under her breath that you chose not to hear.

“I think I’ll call it a night.”

“Oh, come on,” Mor groaned. “They’re not even bothering you.”

Only a matter of time.

“We’ve already been here for a couple of hours, Mor.”

“So-”

“So it’s getting late. Plus, Rhys wants me to go to Autumn tomorrow, remember?”

Mor rolled her eyes. “Fine, but I’m staying.”

You waved your cousin off as you made your way to leave. “I’ll see you soon. Don’t drink too much!”

“Too late!” Mor hollered back.

Outside, the air was warm and crisp, caught somewhere between summer heat and autumn chill. The moon was high and beautiful in the sky, surrounded by thousands of sparkling stars. You didn’t get very far before you heard heavy footfalls behind you. Turning, you found yourself face to face with the two males you hated. “What are you two doing here?”

“Funny,” Cassian said, although his tone lacked any real humor. “We were going to ask you the same thing.”

“I’m going home.” You answered stiffly before turning and heading down the cobblestone street.

“So are we,” Cassian said as he came up to your side.

You slid your gaze his way, but continued down the street. “Then go a different fucking way.” You bit.

“Your brother wants you to get home safely,” Azriel said.

“I can do that just fine, thank you.”

“You sure, Princess? Cause you’re looking a little unsteady there.” Cassian chuckled as your foot caught a broken stone.

“Fuck off.” You hissed.

“First day with new legs?” Cassian teased.

“Seriously, Cassian, fuck off. I was having a good night until I saw the two of you.”

“We’re doing this for Rhys,” Azriel reminded you.

“Of course you are! Because everything you two do is for my brother! You’re nothing but his lap dogs!”

“Your brother,” Azriel said cooly, “is our High Lord.”

“Trust me, I’m well aware.”

The rest of your walk home was spent in tense silence. Cassian and Azriel were your shadows. Your very unwanted shadows. You didn't bid them Goodnight, instead locking the door behind yourself to insure they stayed away.

—

Morning came all too soon, and with a headache at that. As you took your last big gulp of coffee, Rhys walked through your front door, key in hand. “Rough night?” He asked, his lips turned up in a smirk. You answered him with your middle finger.

“I'm surprised you have me going to Autumn alone.” You said. You set your mug down in the sink before you turned and faced your brother.

“What made you think you'd be alone?” Rhys asked.

Your head tilted to the side in confusion. “I'm not going alone?”

“No,” Rhys answered. You could tell by the look in his eyes that you wouldn't like his next words. And you were proved right when he said, “Azriel and Cassian will meet you at the border.”

“You're joking,” you said. Not a lick of amusement could be found in your tone.

“You need protection.” Rhys argued.

“I can handle myself.”

“I know you can. But this isn't Helion or Thesan we're dealing with. It's Beron. He's cruel and calculating. I'm not sending you there without some obvious form of protection.”

“Do you have to send them both? You can't just send Azriel?” Between the two males Azriel was the quieter one. He didn't verbally tease you like Cassian did.

“Beron has no respect for you as a female, let alone one from the Night Court. I'm not taking any chances.”

“Fine.” Silence filled the air as your brother and you stared each other down.

“Stay safe.” Rhys said finally.

“Will do.” You answered back. Your lips curled up in a small smile before you winnowed away.

—

Cassian met you at the border first. You didn't bother to greet him, and he didn't bother to greet you. His eyes roamed across your body, up and down. You looked away. He was probably criticizing you, although you were thankful he didn't voice any of his thoughts. A surprisingly hard task when it came to the War General.

Azriel appeared in the clearing five minutes later. His gaze also roamed across your figure. Something that sent heat licking up your spine.

You told yourself it was anger.

“Let's go.” You said as you began to walk forward. The palace wasn't far, and Beron was set to meet you at its border.

You were met with Eris instead. You heard Cassian scoff as he recognized the red hair. Azriel and Cassian hated him. And for some reason, that drew you into the male, it made something in you want to be rebelious. With a dip of your chin, you nodded towards the Autumn Heir. “Eris,” you greeted.

Eris dipped his chin down towards you, wholly ignoring your winged bodyguards. “Y/N, it's a pleasure.” When he looked back up, there was a heat in his gaze.

You liked the look of it.

“Where's daddy dearest?” Cassian asked.

Eris continued to look at you when he answered. “He's waiting in the meeting room. Didn't see the point in coming out.”

“Of course he didn't,” Cassian muttered.

Beron didn't bother to stand when you walked in. You didn't bother to bow.

“Follow me,” Eris said.

The halls of the Autumn Court were elaborately decorated in shades of burnt orange, crimson, and gold. It was beautiful, if not a bit much. In one hall, you passed by a portrait of Beron. No smile, no family, just a cold, calculating stare. It wasn't pleasant to look at. “The High Lord is right through here,” Eris said, his hand gesturing to the ornate ivory doors just ahead. Two of Eris’ seven brothers stood at the doors, one on each side. With a flick of Eris’ wrist, his brothers opened the doors and you were guided inside a very large office.

“Is your High Lord so busy that he couldn't come himself?” Beron asked cooly.

“My High Lord does not act as his own emissary, that position is mine.” Beron looked at you, his gaze roaming. It wasn't the kind of look that sent heat licking up your spine like Cassian’s or Azriel's, and it wasn't the type that had you feeling reckless like Eris’. Beron's stare felt oily, gross—wrong. You felt Azriel and Cassian bristle at your back, it seemed that they too did not like the look in Beron's gaze. Silently, Beron gestured for you all to sit. You were the only one who followed through. Eris stayed standing behind his father's chair, Azriel and Cassian stood behind yours.

Beron flicked his hand in your direction. “Begin,” he ordered. You gave him a long, hard look before you began your pitch.

—

You had been discussing the possibilities of trade for three hours now. Three long, boring hours.

“May I use your washroom?” You asked. You needed a break from Beron’s grating voice and the thick tension in the room.

“I suppose,” Beron answered gruffly.

“I'll show you,” Eris said, stepping away from his father's side. Azriel and Cassian made to follow you, but you put your hand up. “Stay here.” You ordered.

Eris led you out a different door in the office and down a long hallway. “I'm surprised your bats are allowing you to be alone with me.”

You scoffed. “Honestly, so am I. But I'm thankful for it.”

Eris shot you a knowing look. “What, not a fan of the winged bastards either?”

Something unpleasant stirred inside you at the slur, but you let it slide.

“Not particularly.”

Eris gestured to the door that the two of you came up to. “The washroom is right through there.”

You looked at the door, then back at him. “Can I be honest?” You asked.

“Of course.”

“I just wanted to get out of your father’s office.”

Eris’s lips turned upwards. “I figured as much. May I be honest?”

You nodded. “Of course.”

“The two meat heads you brought with you want you badly,” Eris said. You went to interrupt, to correct him, but he continued on. “But I don’t think they have any idea what to do with a precious thing like you.”

Your mouth parted open, and something stirred in your belly. “Oh,” you said softly. “And you do?”

Eris took a step closer. Your back hit the washroom door. “Absolutely,” he purred. You knew Eris’s words about Cassian and Azriel weren’t true, after all, they never showed any hint of affection towards you. But something in you wanted to believe it, to believe that you were desirable, that you were desirable to them.

In an effort to turn off the little voice inside your head, you found yourself saying, “Show me.”

Eris’s lips were on yours in an instant, and his hands grasped your hips. Your hands landed on his shoulders, your legs parted to allow him closer to your body. Eris’s tongue slipped into your mouth. You kissed him back just as harshly, a move that made him smile. His thigh slid between your thighs, grinding against your core. Arousal pooled in your belly. You turned your head, allowing Eris to kiss your neck. Your eyes opened, and you found your gaze locking onto two very furious males.

Something snapped between the three of you in that moment. A golden threat tying you all together. You gasped, flooded with conflicting emotions and thoughts, some yours, some theirs. It lasted for only a moment before Azriel stepped forward and pulled Eris off of you. The Shadowsinger threw the Autumn Heir against the far wall. You didn’t have to guess if the bond had snapped for the males as well. One look into Cassian’s eyes told you more than enough.

“It’s rude to interrupt," Eris shot in the males direction.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Azriel hissed.

“Azriel-” you said.

“Looks like someone’s jealous.” Eris crooned. Cassian stepped forward, his hand grabbing onto Eris’s tunic. He looked murderous. They both did.

“Cassian stop!” You hissed as you stepped between them. “You put your hands on him and you’re going to end up starting a war with Autumn.” Cassian looked away from Eris. His hazel eyes met your gaze. There was fire in his eyes. Fire, and something akin to pain. The War General let go of Eris.

“We’re going,” Azriel announced. His tone brooked no argument.

You turned around to face Eris. “I’m sorry,” you breathed. “Please, tell your father that something came up. An emergency.”

Eris looked at you for a moment before nodding. “An emergency,” he agreed. You had no time to thank the male before Azriel grabbed you and Cassian and winnowed you out of the palace.

However, you still needed help. So you did the only thing you could think of. You set a trap, left your cloak in the middle of the forest floor, and waited.

With exhaustion weighing you down, and the tree covering most of the moonlight, you had no idea how long you waited. Minutes, hours, you didn't know. All you knew what that your family was probably worried.

When the crack of a falled branch sounded through the air, you suspected it was more of a warning to you, rather a misstep on the creatures part. The Suriel was quiet when the trap snapped around them. So much so that you suspected that the centuries old creature was well aware of your plan even before you were.

It took more effort than you'd like to admit, to stand up from the tree you'd been resting on.

"Let me out, fae." The Suriel ordered. Its voice was a whisper in the wind.

"I need you to do something for me first."

"You want me to contact your High Lord." The Suriel answered.

"Yes."

"Let me free then."

You hesitated for a moment before pulling a blade out and cutting the vines you'd used in your trap. The Suriel dropped to the forest floor in a heap of cloth and bones. "The cloak is yours, just please, summon my High Lord."

"Your mates are terrified that you're dead."

"Just Rhysand."

"As you wish."

The Suriel stared at you for a moment longer before grabbing the cloak and vanishing deeper into the forest. You nearly collapsed in grief, fearing your imminent death if you were to be left alone with the creatures hiding in the forest with you. But before you can crumble in on yourself, there's soft hands at your back and a gentle voice you've come to realize as safety. Rhysand, your brother in all senses aside from blood.

"By the cauldron, I don't know how you got a Suriel to summon me, but I'm glad you did."

"Are they okay?" You ask. You both know to whom you're referring to.

"They will be once they see you." Rhys grabs your hand and, without warning, winnows you back to the River House.

The process of winnowing is always odd, but when you're in pain, exhausted and poisoned it's down right terrible. He's brought you to your spare room at the river house, and you all but collapse into bed.

"Rest, I'll bring the healer."

"Do they know I'm here?"

Rhys nodded. "They're coming."

Rhys came back with Madja quickly. Or so it felt. Your eyes had slipped closed, and you were only conscious someone was there when you felt a gentle warmth at your shoulder. Blinking your eyes opened, you found Madja smiling warmly down at you.

"You lot can't seem to stay out of trouble." She chided.

You were stopped from answering by the commotion downstairs. No doubt your two mates fighting their way through the house to get to you. You're proven right when your bedroom door flys open the next moment, and two winged males stride in. Their faces noticeably pale.

"Mother's tits," Cassian hisses as he comes around to the other side of your bed. "We thought-"

You smile sadly as you reach out for him. "I know."

"No more solo missions." Azriel said, although you felt it was more of an order.

"Az-"

"No more solo missions." Azriel bit out at Rhys.

You didn't know if Rhys was going to agree or not, but you were saved the trouble of a possible fight when Madja spoke up.

"If you lot are going to argue, do it elsewhere." Her order shut both your mates up, and the room was once again quiet.

Madja worked quickly and quietly, and soon enough, you found your eyes slipping shut, not from pain, but from pure exhaustion.

"Rest now," you heard Madja whisper. If she went on to say anything else, you weren't conscious of it.

The sun was shining through the window in broken rays when you woke. Azriel was sitting across from you in the only chair you had. A plush velvet seat that you knew had to be uncomfortable for his wings. His shadows swirled around him, slow, like syrup. Cassian was slumped on the floor, his back against the wall, and head down like a child told off. When your gaze landed back on Azriel, you found him already watching you.

"Hi," you croaked.

Azriel stood quickly but quietly, reaching to hand you a glass of water from your bedside. He waited until you were done to speak.

"How do you feel?" He asked as he grabbed the glass back and carefully placed it back on the bedside.

"Okay, better."

"Good." Azriel's voice was cool, crisp—distant. You knew exactly why.

"I'm sorry I scared you." Azriel didn't bother to answer. He sent a warm pulse of love down your bond. A silent recognition.

With a loud shift and a deep groan, Cassian stood from his place on the floor and came to your side. "Hey, sweetheart." He cooed. He was always more open with his affection.

"What time is it?" You asked.

"Nearly noon. You were out for a while." Cassian answers.

"Did either of you sleep?"

Cassian and Azriel share a look.

"No," you answer for them.

With both arms, you moved to sit up in bed. Both males reached out quickly, either trying to help you up or push you back down, you weren't sure. You swatted their hands out of the way regardless, unwilling to feed into their need to mother hen you. "I'm alright." You said softly, and you were pleased that you meant it. Madja had fully healed the pain in your shoulder.

"Madja said you had to take it easy until all the poison makes its way out of your system."

"I will, but that doesn't mean I can't sit up." You chid them.

"Rhys said you got the intel?" Cassian said.

You nodded. "I did."

"And what about the thing that did that?" Azriel asked, pointing to your bandaged shoulder.

"A soldier from Autumn." You answered.

"Is the soldier dead?" Azriel asked. You could hear the threat of violence behind his words.

"Dead." You answer.

Azriel gave a curt nod of his own. "Good."

"I better debrief Rhys," you said as you moved to get up. You stopped as you noticed the look that your mates shared. "Would you like to stay in bed with me, before I do that?" You ask.

"Yes!" Cassian hissed as he quickly climbed into bed with you. Azriel moved around to your other side, flipping your sheets up and sliding in beside you. It was a tight fit for the winged males, but it wasn't the first time the three of you had shuffled into your bed together.

"You're okay," Azriel said softly, his lips ghosting over your temple. You knew he wasn't speaking to yourself.

"I'm okay." You told him.

"You had us terrified last night when the bond went dark." Cassian said as he slipped his arms around you. On your other side, Azriel pressed gentle kisses to your jaw and cheek and neck. Anywhere his lips could reach.

"I know. I'm sorry." Looking into his hazel eyes, you could see the dark circles beneath them. You tangled your hand with his, squeezing tight. "But I'm here, and I'm okay."

"I understand now isn't the time," Azriel began. "But later, we're having a conversation about solo missions."

"A conversation," you answer. "Not a lecture."

Azriel smiled softly. "A conversation."

"I love you." Cassian said.

"Wha- Oh," you trailed off as the taste of iron filled your mouth. Your hand came up to your mouth where it felt sticky and wet. Above you, Azriel's pupils were blown wide, his fangs sticking out. It took you a second to piece everything together. To come to the realization that it's everywhere— blood. Wet sticky blood, all over your mouth, your chin, your nose, and cheek. "Shit!" You cried as you flew out from under the covers and raced into your bathroom. With a loud slam of the door, you separated yourself from Azriel.

Despite squinting your eyes from the harsh bathroom light, you could still see yourself in the mirror. You could see where your nose had started to bleed before you must have rolled over because now it was all over the lower half of your face.

You turned towards the bathroom door as if you could see Azriel through it. "Are you okay?"

The floor boards creaked before Azriel answered you. "I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine." You answered as you looked at yourself in the mirror, as if making sure that you really were fine. You grabbed a wash cloth and turned the tap on, cleaning your hands and face.

"I want to help," Azriel called. His voice through the door sounded strained. "But I didn't feed tonight. And the smell-"

"I know." You called back. "I'll clean the sheets when I'm done in here."

"I can try," Azriel trailed off.

"No, go down stairs."

"I don't know if that's enough distance." Azriel admited. "I was hungry before bed-"

"Do you, do you want some?" You asked carfully. Azriel had never fed from you, it was one of his rules. But, if he was hungry, and you were already bleeding...

"No!" Azriel growled out.

"Okay," you answered softly. "Then just go stand outside so it doesn't bother you so much. I'll come get you when I'm done."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." You replied as you finally finished with your face. You moved on to cleaning the cloth so that it didn't bother Azriel.

It's silent for a moment before you hear the creak of the floor boards again and Azriel's disappearing footsteps. You know he's making the noise on purpose, a silent way of telling you he's listening and leaving you to clean up.

"Shit," you cursed again as you walked out of the bathroom. The open bathroom door allowed a dull glow to fill your bedroom, and in the dim light, you could see the dark stains of your blood where it was wiped across your pillow and bedsheets. No longer tired, you made quick work of changing all the sheets and replacing them.

After dumping them in the washer for a clean, you moved on to find your boyfriend.

Azriel was stood on the front steps when you found him. Your porch light cast his skin in a warm glow.

"Are you okay?" He asked as soon as you opened the door.

"Yes. Are you?"

Azriel paused for a moment before he turned to face you. His face, usually unreadable, was clearly upset. "I hate it." He breathed.

"Hate what?" You asked as you took a step closer.

"This!" Azriel cried, throwing his hands towards himself. "The love of my life wakes up in the night, bleeding, and I can't help."

"You don't need to help, Azriel."

"But I want to! I should! Instead I practically ran away so I wouldn't hurt you further!"

"I wasn't hurt," you said as you stepped closer.

"But you could have been, Y/N. I was so hungry, I still am! And the blood, it was strong and sweet, and you were right there-" Azriel stopped, taking a moment to breath. His hazel eyes fluttering closed as he tried to calm himself down.

"Nothing happened, Azriel." You told him. You reached out and grabbed his hand. It was limp for a moment before he tightened his grip and squeezed gently. "You have the most self-control trol out of anyone I know. And I trust you completely. I know that no matter what, I'm safe with you. Tonight you proved it. A weaker male would have taken advantage of me in that moment."

Azriels eyes flashed open with anger. "I'd never-"

"Let that happen," you finished. "I know. That's one of the reasons why I'm with you. Why I trust you completely."

"You shouldn't," Azriel said softly. Although he still took a step closer, eager to pull you into his embrace.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Azriel paused before he finally gathered you in his arms. "I'd never take a drop of blood from you. Never." He promised.