#catch-up

cody: i sent you a squad?

obi-wan: i meant emotional support!

cody:

How incredible it is for something as tiny as a seed to grow into something more.

This is a story designed to catch all of you up on recent events. And is told from the perspective of the duality that is Duraxxor. Please enjoy!

A phrase that I have not known for some time. There was always this bittersweetness in basking in the rising of the day star. The myriads of hot colors that are often shown through in the atmospheric reflection that is our skies. It’s like… an ozone autumn one may say. It always reminded me of the Sin’dorei homelands. Wait, why does it also remind me of… someone?

“A dragon. It reminds us of that dragon of Azeroth’s blood. Delicious blood as it is, Azalora is a fresh slate. Much like we were. Or should I say… I was. Fate has dealt her a chance, unlike I. “

Hmmmm. A fresh dawn, one might say that one is. That’s right, meeting her was an interesting turn of events to start off with returning to Azeroth. Life always seems to find a way, in the strangest of places. That includes unlife. As logical as her mind is, she still has a lot to learn in her experiences.

“And that isn’t just about how she likes her cut of meat and flavor? Everyone knows there is only one way to eat a steak. Hahahaha… “

Ha! I do hope that we meet again soon. It was a most pleasant experience to have a new face to look at you as helpful and not entirely a threat. Although, that may come back to bite one in the tail. Wait… Why am I talking to myself?

“Really? We have fought against aberrations and had voices in your head so many times and you are surprised to be speaking to yourself of all people? Oh Alphus, you really haven’t been yourself for some time, have you? I suppose that comes with the fact that we haven’t been whole for so long. It reminds me of the current conflict between the Gravekeeper and the Courier. Oh, that was a most painful night, one I won’t soon forget. “

Ah. I take it you are the part of me that is Duraxxor, the name we have gone by for the past what? Decade?

“It’s been a little over fifteen years, old friend. “ 

Old friend? Look, we aren’t exactly separate entities like the two involved. You aren’t a leftover of my past; you are every bit as part of me as much as I may dislike the notion of me being a blood sucking monster. Why do you think you chose to meet with the Courier and hear her story out if she so wishes to share it?

“On the contrary, I have my pessimistic opinions that she won’t fully share. Remember, while Annaliese Handhour is a death knight, she was also a warlock in life. And with warlocks come complicated stories. Complications that they wish to not share. That is how we wound up absolutely getting our shit rocked when we tried to bargain with the Gravekeeper. We overstepped a boundary line, one might say. “

As if you really hoped to care about overstepping boundaries. That’s always been your specialty in these desolate years of conflict. Let us hope she at least forgives us for doing so in the future. Then again, you already plan to tread in waters that could already place her on our bad side by meeting with the Courier.

“Now see here, I have betrayed no one’s trust. If anything, there have already been a few betrayals already. When one doesn’t quite share their details, it is already a sign of bad faith and trust. And after we worked so hard to bring her back from her second death. “

Didn’t we also have a second death? . . . 

“That is highly exaggerated. That was merely a setback, and we are fortunate enough to have had the Lady in Red as a dear friend. An ally who understands the raw potentials of what it is we have tried to accomplish! An evolution that will secure our birthright to no longer be a curse! A monster fraternizing with another monster. “

Is that really what you tell yourself? You and I both know if she had to choose between herself and us, it would always be herself. Even so, I can’t help but feel like I know her from the past. A deep, forgotten memory that goes all the way back to my childhood? Why do you think that is? 

“That is precisely the point I wish to make about your confusion in speaking amongst yourself. Though the name Duraxxor may have come from the Scourge itself, I have always lived within you, Alphus. I am as much Alphus as you are. And yet, I am your shadow within your soul. “ 

. . . The darkest thoughts that were born from our curse. The beast of rage and the chaos that swirls within our heart. You mean to tell me you are exactly what was learned within the Shadowlands? You are that fragment of my soul that is foul and destructive? 

“I suppose if you wish to look at it that way? Yes. Except I am the beast, as you put it, that has kept us ongoing ever since you crumbled into tiny, little shards of a mirror that were once your core memories. Memories that have only returned because we finally. . . “ 

You are trailing off. You realize it too, don’t you? The woman before us at this moment. She was the key, and she has always been that key even before I died. I wish I had known sooner who I originally was in life. I wouldn’t be sitting here, holding her hand with a severed ring finger. My beloved wife. . .

“It’s not entirely your fault, Alphus. What could you do? If anything, it was my fault. It was I who chose to believe in the bitter rumors that were plastered into the minds of even our blood children. Ravlynn and Aiden couldn’t know. The legacy of that foul man was nothing more than a children’s bedtime story in their hearts. Instead of investigating that claim all those years ago, I bitterly snarled and refused to acknowledge the emotion that is love born of understanding and kindness. That is why I made the mistake of trying to wed one of my own kind. A lie in a lie. All this time, I had been chasing pieces of your wife because of old emotions I didn’t quite understand. Because as much as it pains me to admit, I am quite the malevolent thing when it comes to what makes Duraxxor. “ 

We both have our sins, Duraxxor. I have over five hundred years' worth of questionable morality. It’s not about the wrong and right we do. It’s about how we choose to live. To fight. People live and they also die. For what purpose, that is up to them even if another force chooses to intervene. And this lady. This woman. She chose to continue to live even in the worst possible conditions because she chose to hold onto hope. Hope that WE will come for her. 

“Hmph. You mean YOU come for her. This isn’t some fairy tale that w- “

Cutting yourself off again, I see. You know that was always a nasty habit. Tell me, how did the story go again? The one she told the kids. You heard it once from them, right? 

“. . .Once upon a time there was a monster, most feared by all in the land. It was a terribly angry thing, all teeth and claws. Where it walked, death followed close behind. There was also a very sad princess, who lived in the land. They say she cried so much that she put the rains to shame. The king and queen wanted the princess to marry a grand duke, but he was ugly and wicked. Rotten straight to the core. The princess cried all day and all night, because she didn’t love the duke. She could never love a man like him.”

And with good reason. Ostidal Tindervale always was quite the pisspot of a noble.

“Now that I have had the luxury of meeting that excrement, quite so. Anyhow, she told the man that she didn’t want to marry the duke, that her parents were leaving her no choice. The man took her hand, stared deep into her eyes, and told her she -always- had a choice. “

Oh, that sounds vaguely familiar. It almost sounds like something you have said once before. That WE have said before. There is always a freedom of choice.

“Are you going to keep interrupting me? The man told the princess that she could run away. He took her far away… and even though her family sent many men to retrieve her, the man killed them without mercy to protect her. that he would protect her, help her get far away from there so that she could finally be free. He was so brutal in his efforts, that it was only a matter of time before the princess realized that the man who saved her was also the monster that everyone else feared. It didn’t matter to the princess though, because by then she’d realized that she’d fallen for the monstrous man… and he was with her. “

Here comes my favorite part of the whole thing. . .  

 “They ran away together, married, KISSED… and lived happily ever after! ~ Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah!~ “

It’s a wonder you and I haven’t died more than twice with how insufferable you can be, you know that? Do you understand now what I am getting at?

“Of course I do! Duke the puke was a horrid pisspot that never let things go. History has a tendency to repeat itself and the monster in the story was always. . . Me. “ 

It was you and I both, wasn’t it? That numb feeling even before death where one after another, we killed people that threatened our livelihood. Her livelihood. It didn’t matter who they were, what their status quo was, or even if they were the Regent Lord himself, we fought for what we felt was the right choice to make. We didn’t let others dictate it. The shadow that turned monster because the world labeled us the moment we came out of the womb. 

“And speaking of Arrydhalia, I believe it’s time I let you have the floor completely. I have… certain, internal affairs to take care of. I’m sure you will intermingle really soon. “ 

The timing was always impeccable for us both. But, as usual, he wasn’t a dishonest creature by any means. I looked upon the face of the storyteller that had passed my legacy onto our children through story. Sunken eyes with discolored skin begin to crinkle and stir as the light of the daystar bled through the window. The grasp onto the hand that lacked a wedding finger tightened. Where said finger would interlock like, the tips of chew nubs pressed against one another like some sort of a pact. No other would have this finger, just as she promised in her own, darkest hour. And yet, as the light caressed her dark curls and brought those azure eyes to creep open, I felt this desire to sing an unfamiliar song about the day.

So Good mornin’ Good mornin’ Sunbeams will soon smile through. Good mornin’ Good mornin’ to you and you and you and you.

[ Tagging for direct mentions: @azalora-the-azerite-dragoness , @gravekeeper-anna , @safrona-shadowsun , @sanguinesorceress , and a special thank you to @nyyght not only for Arrydhalia's character but the fairy tale story that started it all. ]

'xactly!

Gist from Jan to now, before I hide away again for finals prep:

Was required to do full-time school while waiting for uni, in order to get healthcare.

Got told that, surprise, the uni I WAS going to be going to was officially not gonna take my GI Bill money, so that went down the drain 😬. However, also got into a new school which, honestly, is way WAY better of a fit?

Entire summer of emotional, social, and creative burnout. Talking hurt, I slept WAY too much, and got back onto SWTOR again!

College started, I now am renting w roomies (love them, great people) and learning to exist away from home.

College has been GREAT ngl, nice area, smaller school, and it turns out some of my fav teaches from Art HS are profs here!!

HOWEVER, workload is goddamn INSANE. 20 pages of art HW for ONE class on day one?? Also curse 3DS Max to hell and beyond for betraying my attempts to make a simple-ass treasure chest 🔪

I got into The Walking Dead?? Literally never thought I would and now I've grappled my parents into watching it with me somehow??

Currently am catching up on a SHIT TON of late work, trying to get work ready for finals, and also deal with a logic class I Sincerely Don't Get.

I will hopefully be back by winter break, and much more talkative?? So sorry to ppl who have asks in my inbox rn!! I have seen them, am planning to answer when I'm not half dead. And to the person who brought up some concerns, I see you, sorry I haven't replied, and I'm going to be taking care of it also as soon as I'm able, it's a big mess of things that I have to sort and prep for before can properly address it. ;-;

Love y'all and canNOT wait to show what I can of my homework, and of my tiny pieces of personal work I've been able to sketch in brief free moments 🤣

𝙰𝚞𝚍𝚒𝚘 | 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚝 #𝟾 : 𝚃𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚍

Apathy.

It was a wound he had ever suffered from, brought on early by a rough upbringing and never quite healed as he’d grown. The shadow of it seemed more present than it ever had before. The creeping nature of it wanted to enshroud his heart and rattled at the edges of his psyche with only his will and his ration to keep the feeling at bay.

Most days he tried. Other days, not so much. He had always known himself to be dedicated and steadfast to those that had earned it from him. His loyalty had, at one point known no bounds and he had attached it to people and places that overtime had ultimately proved undeserving of it. Ruining his perspective of what it meant to be attached. It was dedication that he’d come to regret and in so doing had closed himself off to those he considered himself dedicated to now. 

His loyalty to others had always put him at the center of their needs while his went unacknowledged. The lack of it would truly leave him without purpose, but in considering himself he realized that it had been a while since the loyalty he showed had held any noble origins. 

It was nothing more than the idea that he should do X or Y because it was expected of him, not because he had any emotional investment in what was around him. He couldn’t risk it. Just the fleeting moments where he thought he might begin to feel something again, before they too faded with time. Was it a sign he was broken? He would have guessed so. 

He cut himself off from things without thinking on it. A poor conversation or a careless comment regularly resulted in such responses. How easy it was to do so at times. Like a switch, flicking on or off. It likely should have scared him more when he shut down and simply went through the motions. Appeasing whoever was in front of him, and knowing that no matter how hard he tried it wouldn’t mean anything in the end. So why bother? Therein lied the root of his concerns.

Matters of the heart never went well for him, no matter which way he spun it. People either left, or betrayed you. Lovers never lasted, and family was not forever. Death was always around the corner, and the Universe always waiting to pluck away anything he felt too strongly towards. He had convinced himself of this fact so many times before that it was now firmly just a belief. Love itself was a curse, and he wanted no part of it. 

And yet...He yearned to understand and be understood. To have something he could hold close to himself and claim it as his own without the fear of losing it. The tender breath of hope always washed over him in his darkest moments to remind him of what he was missing, but it never lasted. 

Instead he settled for a strict indifference and learned to distance himself from most feelings until it all felt like...nothing. Or something close to it. Tepid, like a forgotten cup of coffee. He could leave things or take them as they were. He thought often of grabbing his bike and simply driving off in a direction until the gas ran out. Never looking back. What a thought. He’d be more content as a ghost in people’s minds than the one he was being right in front of them.