#captain scott

If you – yes YOU – wish to inject your midwinter with a little of that Cape Evans 1911 energy, why not inflict it on others with some cards from my shop? I am hitting the big red PRINT button on the morning of 15 October, so please get your orders in if you want to be included.

Missed Christmas or Hanukkah or Diwali or Yule or Kwanzaa or whatever your favourite "It's Dark" party is? Live in the Southern Hemisphere and want to mark the winter solstice with a little Edwardian cheer? No problem, as long as it's winter you can send these cards!

There is also MERCH!

Sales support digitisation of the archives at the Scott Polar Research Institute! Truly noble and a benefit to humanity!

>> SHOP <<

The search party that set out to look for Captain Scott and the polar party.

I'm 100% sure it's due entirely to people not knowing the poll existed, but where the support of Capt.'s Rios and Seven are annecdotally strong, I've got numbers for Spock, Batel, and a surprising tie for third of Scott and Saru.

Without further ado...

Captain Spock

At least four generations of Done With Your Shit™️. Your ideas are stupid and wrong and he can prove it mathematically...which is why he can't get enough of Kirk, weird lil' himbo twink just dual-weilds the middle finger at the No Win Situation and Spock has to check his calendar to make sure Pon Far didn't arrive early! (We get it, Spock, we've all been there, right ladies?)

Scorecard

Enterprise Captains He's Given 'The Eyebrow' to: 4

Civilizations unified: 2

Ancestors whose name rhymes with "Barthur Cronnan Spoil": 1

Amount of time he kept one ship in battle-worthy condition when all the others of its class and generation were being mothballed, destroyed, or lost to the future: 40 years

Siblings he just never talks about: 2

Category: Space Elf

Captain Batel

Probably the one person in Starfleet that can always call out Pike on his shit. Maybe not Mom to Pike's 'Dad,' but not bad as the cool stepmom. Yes, Chris, she'll take care of Chapel while she deals with her boy issues, we'll have some girl time, it'll be fun!

Scorecard

Number of Pike fans INSANELY jealous she managed to land in Pike's bed: Like, all of them!

Number of musical numbers while in command: 1

Number of musical numbers that singing voice should have been given: ...a LOT more!

Amount of patience to deal with Pike's mid-life crisis: 9,001

Category: Step-MILF that will teach you how to drive when Dad (Pike) gets too 'back-seat-driver'-y

Captain Scott

Crouching Engineer, HIDDEN BADASS! Kirk may sit in the Captain's chair, but we all know who the Enterprise lets put her engines to bed for the night. This man can make any engine or transporter you can think of just sing, all in perfect accompaniment to his bagpipes.

Scorecard

Times he accidentally created a time machine (with Spock on assist): 1

Times he accidentally hosted a murdering parasite: 1

Times he out-drank an extra-galactic entity bent on stealing HIS ship: 1

Times he tested transwarp beaming with an admiral's dog: [0/1] <- YOU open the box! I'm not collapsing that waveform!

Times he unironically used the line, "There be whales here!" in a 23rd century space vessel: 1

Category: Miracle Worker

Captain Saru

Proof that a prey species can unequivocally kick your ass. Ride or die. This man will take your spaceship, captain it efficiently, and give it back to you better than when you got it. Alfred to Burnham's Batman. Might call you "Daddy," but we know who wears the belt.

Scorecard

Evolutions (you know, like Pokemon): 1

Autistic crew he's whole-heartedly supported and mentored: 1

Category: Tol Cinnamon Roll

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