#capitalist hell

Firstly they're so thin? Like most things you see in Old Navy or even department stores might as well be tissue paper?? Even some branded sports t-shirts I've bought in recent years (that are supposed to be 'official apparel' and allegedly decent quality) are definitely not going to hold up more than a year or two without getting little holes from wear.

This side of even two hundred years ago fabrics were made to be used for YEARS, and that's with wearing them way more often because you only owned like three sets of clothes. They were thick and well made and most importantly made to LAST. And they were gorgeous?? Some of the weaves were so fine and the drape so buttery we still don't entirely know how these people managed to make them BY HAND. Not to mention intricate patterning and details that turned even some simple garments into freaking ART.

I know this is not news, the fast fashion phenomenon is well documented. Reading so much about the amazing fabrics we used to create and how we cherished and valued them, though, is making it hard not to mourn what we lost to mass production and capitalism. Not just the quality of the clothing and fabrics themselves, but the generations of knowledge and techniques that are just gone. It makes me what to cry.

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“Why do you want to work here?” I don’t, I just want money.

“What about our company inspires you?” Nothing, you’re all frauds cutting corners and being cheapskates just like everyone else, but you pay well and you're not too far of a drive.

“What do you bring to our team?” Somebody who gets shit done fast and accurately. Could not care less about being part of your silly useless ‘team’ and water-cooler talk. I get the shit done that they're all too busy gossping to bother with, and someone, somewhere, should appreciate that for once.

“Which of our company values speaks to you?” Those values are as substantial as smoke on the ground level and you, hiring lady, are blissfully insulated from the shit you shovel onto the people below you.

‘Cause while I can make up fluffy nonsense, I am a truly awful liar when it comes to faking enthusiasm and unfortunately can see right through all the smoke and mirrors. I have only ever gotten two of the hundreds of jobs I’ve applied for over the years immediately, because I actually wanted them: A pet store, and a different position in my company to escape the bitchy clique I was trapped in, where I was already an employee and not some stranger off the street.

Take a second to ignore the job market, ignore the cripplingly low pay, ignore the rising uselessness of bachelor degrees, ignore all the shitty benefits and complications of just showing up in an office environment socializing the way you’re supposed to.

I wish I could shake my neurodivergent bullshit detector. I wish. But in this country you have to smile while you shovel it and weep graciously for your two-penny paycheck, and I am not a good enough actor to pull that off just to get through the door. Starting my first day pretending to be something I’m not to appease my corporate overlords is an experience so repulsive that it’s near single-handedly keeping me in my current, shitty, stable, underpaid position.

Meanwhile the jobs I do want are being gutted by the government. So there is that reality, too.