I don't see my DID as inherently being plural because frankly that's not how I experience it, and it feels pretty lonely to be like this on social media. In many ways I do feel jealous of those who do experience themselves as being multiple people in a body, when for me I experience myself as basically being different expressions of the same person and never being a consistent self. We may use different names and have different memories and even a different sense of self and identity but ultimately they all feel like "me", just whatever is "me" is unstable and ever-shifting and ever-changing.
I want to be plural and feel like all these different alters in my head are all different people who are interconnected somehow. I want to feel like we're... friends? Family? A community? *something*. But it's all just me. My brain is loud and argumentative and there's always so much going on, but it's also lonely because at the end of the day it's just me in here with myself and I.
And like. I know this isn't really how the rest of me feels. Some versions of me don't feel particularly lonely despite seeing us as parts or modes or facets or whatever. Some of me actually do see us as essentially different people and different individuals. But for the me right now, I feel so alienated from much of the online DID community whenever I try to talk about my experiences or see anyone talking about theirs. Don't get me wrong, I do have plenty of people I know who have talked to me about their own experiences with DID and identity and self that more similarly reflect and echon my experiences. But like, the wider online DID community doesn't really offer a lot of that, especially as I continue to integrate more with my other selves and the boundaries between me and not-me get blurrier and blurrier.
