#by gray

One of my non-DID non-plural friends asked me a very simple innocuous question that basically amounted to "hey you're a system, is this post I saw a common thing people do or talk about in plural spaces?" and I had to, as calmly and collectedly as possible, explain that I don't identify as plural, that I'm not in plural spaces, that DID and systemhood do not necessarily equate to being plural (and why that is), and then (because of the tags and topic in post itself) give the most basic rundown about traumagenic vs endogenic and what it means to be pro-endo vs anti-endo while also specifying to her to NOT ask me what my stance on the topic is.

Actually maybe saying separate spaces isn't the right term. I think what I meant was focused spaces. And less spaces but I mean the communities at large. I wish the CDD communities focused more on what it's like to have a CDD and our experiences with that, without necessarily focusing on the existence of people who may or may not experience plurality outside of a CDD. Maybe this same community could be open to talking to people who don't necessarily fit the diagnostic criteria for a CDD but still find their resources helpful in some way. Maybe there's still talk and discussion about experiencing plurality in these spaces, but from the lens of having DID.

Had to deal with my mother today. At one point she kept going on and on about how she did so much for me (as in how she's been controlling me since I was a child, and I'm nearly 30 now) and ends it with "I do all this because I love you. Who else is ever going to love you as much as I do?" and I stared at her straight in the eyes and said, "Me. I love myself more than you ever could." And tbh proud of myself for how far I've come to be able to say that so confidently, because it's true. I love myself, and I know she never actually loved me the way she thinks she does- if she did, she'd have loved and accepted me for who I am and what I do instead of trying to force me into the box of what she thinks I should be like. But I've learned to love myself, flaws and mistakes and all, and I'm now able to stand up to the woman who made my life hell throughout my childhood and even most of my adulthood.

do u also have amblyopia? (If ur comfortable answering). If so does it also feel like you see out of one eye and your other eye is basically just peripheral vision? lol. I wonder how it is for people without it. I feel like I’m always seeing through my right side. do other people see as if they’re looking through the middle of their face?? through both? is normal vision not just looking thru one eye plus peripheral vision out of the other? how does using two eyes even work/feel 😭. I can’t imagine it? when I close my bad eye nothing I’m looking forward at changes.. but some side view goes away. does that mean I am not using my left eye to see? I wish I could like see an example of how ppl with regular two eye vision see. Is ours rlly so different?

ok this is a really weird question and totally cool if this isnt really applicable to you but have you experianced anything similar to this:

God, this "recovery" thing is insane. Yes I've been doing poorly recently. I was pretty intensely triggered by one of my partners for the first time since dating them (it was absolutely unintentional, one partner triggered another and the triggered partner's reaction ended up triggering me), which resulted in a lot of back-and-forth of the two of us being triggered and activated by each other. After a while, however, I was finally able to sit down and examine why I was acting that way and what I wanted to accomplish, and I realized: ah. I've been over-relying on fawn responses because I'm scared of said partner pushing me away and no longer loving me, but instead of just saying so I over-compensate which felt infantilizing for said partner who would then push back against me, resulting in a pretty awful cycle until we were finally able to break out of it.