#bvd

derler ki: tanrıların en eski çağlarında, kalbi bir kez kırılıp da tekrar atan insanlara zambak fısıldanırmış. zambak, her çiçekten farklıymış çünkü onu sevmek kolay değilmiş. ne gül gibi cilveli ne papatya kadar çocukmuş.

zambak, suskunmuş. gururlu, mesafeli… zarif ama aynı zamanda karanlık.

zambak seven insanlar da böyleymiş.

sıradan aşklara yüz çeviren, sevdiğinde dibine kadar seven, sevdikçe kendinden vazgeçen… onlar için aşk bir oyun değil, bir ibadetmiş. kalplerinde hafiflik değil yangın taşırlarmış. sevilmekten çok yakılmak isterlermiş.

zambak seven birisi, sana gözlerinin ucuyla bile bakıyorsa bil ki o an her şeyi düşünmüştür: seni, geçmişini, en sevmediğin yönünü bile sevip sevmeyeceğini… çünkü onlar severse bir ömür susar lakin bir daha da unutmaz.

I've been dealing with a myriad of mental and physical health issues since I was in HS. I pretty much just woke up one day and felt like my quality of life was cranked way tf down. Tinnitus, visual snow, light sensitivity, brain fog, trouble focusing visually, balance problems, some vertigo, ocular migraines, worsening headaches-- all of it kind of hit me at once and I never really got it all looked at for years.

Cause I tried to tell my parents about it and got brushed off, and instead of pushing to have it looked into I instead internalized it into Horrible Anxiety. Didn't even wanna Google my symptoms for years cause I convinced myself if I ignored it I'd somehow be okay

Which did not go well. And I still feel like shit to this day, and have been trying to catch up on Looking Into Health Bullshit for awhile now. Slowly.

But anyway, I've come to realize that I think a lot of my health issues are related to my fucking jaw. My jaw's right condyle is deformed and it's given me pain and stiffness for years, and I've known it was deformed for years now, but it just didn't occur to me that the jaw would be the reason my vision started fucking up so bad.

And now I look more into it, and it's just like "oh yeah, having a shit jaw with tensed facial muscles 24/7 can in fact fuck up the nerves and muscles associated with your eyes in a way that affects your binocular vision."

Reading a list of symptoms of BVD is just like reading my day to day bullshit.

I'm literally going to the doc tomorrow to get a referral for a TMJ specialist, and I'm gonna ask them about eye bullshit too while I'm at it. Cause just god fucking damn it.

The plain RX is fundamentally the same, but without the micro prisms to treat the BDV (binocular vision disorder), my vision skittered off, and took my balance with it. I almost fell over while standing perfectly still.