Nov 16, 2025
...and then.
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...and then.
[close-up under the cut ->]
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I’ll be honest I was low key expecting Fyodor to pick up Atsushi’s arm and proclaim that finally the tigers claws are mine.
Because while not according to his plan he still ended up with Atsushi’s severed head and arm.
Which he did want.
I keep seeing bits of that song “Wait for me” from Hadestown on my fyp.
And I just keep thinking of it as Atsushi and Akutagwa in the current chapter (122.)
Disclaimer I know fuck all about Hadestown other than I think this song is about Orpheus and Eruydice so I’m going off that (sorry if it’s wrong.)
So I’m going off of that.
Akutagwa doesn’t even know where Atsushi is. But he’s calling out to him, telling Atsushi to wait for him because he’s coming.
He reminces about the past and though Atsushi can’t see him, he can see those echos play out around them.
As he too searches for a way out back to Akutagwa.
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Akutagwa: I’m coming! Wait for me!
Atsushi: I hear the walls repeating
Akutagwa: The falling of my feet
Atsushi: It sounds like drumming
Akutagwa: And I am not alone
Atsushi: I hear the rocks and stone
Akutagwa: Echoing my song
Atsushi: I’m coming!
And how they’re both standing in the airport and yet they’ve never been so far apart.
Hi by the way I'm never going to not throw up when thinking about what BSD says about abusers and victims. Abuse can occur out of love or a desire to protect or save or help someone and it's still abuse. Abuse can occur and years later you will still feel the affects so deeply it's as if it's a part of your body. Your abuser can change and regret and sometimes that means you will walk away over and over and sometimes it means you will throw yourself at them over and over and both are because you never developed a sense of self beyond what they made you to be. Your abuser will die and you will cry and you will hate him and in your weakest moments his memory will be there. Your abuser will live and become a better person and you're still stuck there unable to move on. The sheer complexity of what it allows and asks of us - to understand that at the end of the day we're all people fucking each other up and making mistakes. No one is a monster and wouldn't it just be easier if we were?
don't know if anyone has pointed this out yet here, but if you look closely, you'll notice that Dazai's hand is holding Oda's arm up to touch his face........ he's not holding it himself. He must already be dead here, and Dazai just moved his arm up again on his own because he wanted to keep feeling his touch :''''')
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With all the parallels between the Heasmaster and Dazai I wonder if we’ll get a moment where Dazai ends up helping Akutagawa.
Similar to how Atsushi rejects the Headmaster and doesn’t want to speak to him anymore. And then the Headmaster helps him push the door.
I wonder if at some point then we get Akutagawa rejecting Dazai maybe because he’s found his reason to live without needing him and his approval.
Whatever the case it ends with Dazai aiding Akutagawa to pass whatever obstacle is in his way now.
And like the Heasmaster hanging back once it’s done because I can’t follow you down this path.
But I know who will.
Akutagawa reminiscing about meeting Dazai and saying how “my comrades from the slums were left to die for no good reason” and how he wanted revenge for being born.
Seems to confirm that he and Beast Akutagawa do have that same backstory.
It’s just that Beast Akutagawa didn’t join the Port Mafia while Bsd Akutagawa did.
Which I did figure was the case but I didn’t wanna say it incase it turned out to be different.
But this does seem to be the case now.
That Akutagawa in every universe starts as a protector that fails and wants nothing more then to make up for that.
Even if it turns him into the opposite of the person he once was.
Until eventually, someone makes him realise who he is at his core.
Also very sad for him to have this realisation after being unable to save Atsushi.
Oh “feeling strongly” means thinking about Akutagawa and his story? I didn’t know we had a name for it- me too then thanks for the important rep Atsushi👍