Jan 3
i don’t miss you
i miss the version of me that thought you were a good idea
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i don’t miss you
i miss the version of me that thought you were a good idea
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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but i did...
someone said to me: maybe you don’t love them… maybe you just love the treatment you get… you don’t love them for who they are… and so I replied: maybe in the beginning I didn’t… but now I do…
and then I thought.. about everything since day one why I confessed. why I stayed, even after the doubts. why I begged. why I wanted one more chance.
and never did I not love you for who you are I just wanted you to love me a little better
I spent months wondering why you did the things you did. i spent all my hours trying to wrap my head around possible reasons for the heartbreak you caused. I thought i knew you so well that i would be able to tell if your heart was no longer mine.
But these days, i dont think i ever truly knew you at all.
The abusive [partner]’s problem with anger is almost always the opposite of what is commonly believed. The reality is:
YOUR ABUSVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANGER. [They have] A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights [they] take from you is the right to be angry at them.
- Lundy Bancroft, “Why Does He Do That? - Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”, 2002. Available in PDF format here [archive.org link]
The gendered language really marks the book out as being 22 years old, but there are some very good insights in it - this one, in particular.
I was writing, and I’m not sure why, but while I was do so, something “snapped” within me. Snapped, that is, in a good way.
Admittedly, I have been feeling my lowest over the past couple of months. But somehow, when I was writing my characters’ story, I was working on a happy ending where they gain their autonomy, and choose to be true to themselves and also choose joy over over all.
In real life, sometimes that’s very hard to do.
I had to remind myself that choosing joy is an act of rebellion in itself when capitalistic societies pressure us to work until we die, or hustle and hustle and hustle at the expense of our emotional health, physical health, relationships, and more.
For me, I don’t want to wait until I accomplish X to do Y... I want to do it now, while I am still able. Our time here is precious, and I’ve already spent so much of my 30 years in situations that don’t serve me. That includes jobs, relationships, and other scenarios. Additionally, I am tired of being controlled and I am tired of being collateral damage in other people’s ego battles.
As I write, and as I am still working through the grief of lost time, lost opportunities, and lost relationships, I continuously remind myself that I will be OK. And I can’t let any of this turn me into a bitter person. I will press forward, and live my purpose, and do what serves my highest good.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I hate that he’s still the easiest person in the world to talk with
I wish i was enough for myself.
Sometimes i can feel my heart breaking.....and that's ok