#blowing off

Movie therapy – blowing off steam

It has been a long boring shift. You’ve been crunching numbers, filing documents and slaving off for the month end paycheque. The monotonicity has taken its toll. You need some color in your life. Then there’s no place like the movie theatre.

You are seated comfortably in an air-conditioned room. Everything is dark – perfect for giving your mind the rest it needs. You turn off your instincts that…

I am a junior in college and have had the same tight knit group of friends since freshman year. One of the girls, openly lesbian, studied abroad this year, and it was only months ago that we realized that we had feelings for each other. She came to visit in between her semesters abroad and stayed with me for one beautiful, emotional night. But when our friends arrived the next day, she got weird and called it off. She's abroad again. I'm hurt. I think the feelings might still be there. Now what?

Hm, she may have freaked out because she knew she had to go back and be away from you. Maybe that was her way of not trying to get attached because she knows you two have a connection and feelings for each other. This is kinda tricky especially since she's a million miles away. Is there any way that you could contact her? Maybe through Facebook or another social networking site? If you feel that there are feelings for sure, let her know. She may in fact be feeling the same but since she's away a lot, she may be pushing them back. When you get the chance, talk to her. It seems like you guys really do like each other but she's not exactly willing to own up or commit to it. Regardless, good luck with this. Try not to let it get you down too much <3

-Clitney Spears

I disagree. I think she freaked out because she realized what had happened. She hooked up with you, and despite it being everything you both wanted, it meant that she had to admit to the rest of your friends what you two had done. There is a high possibility that without you knowing it, your friends have bugged her before about you two connecting. There is a possibility that when they bugged her she responded that it was never going to happen. Sometimes, despite what is good for us and what we truly want, when we find that others may call us out on admitting it, we clam up and pretend like nothing happens. It's one of the strangest, stupid pride, peer pressure type of things we do as humans. There is a possibility that what Clitney is saying is the honest truth. But I feel that, because her reaction changed upon the arrival of your friends that what I think is going on is much more likely to be true. 

Have you told any of your friends that the two of you were together? Has she since the event? Have you talked to her at all. I think you should. I think you should tell her that you don't care what the others think, that you like her, and that you want to try it out. Her other fear around the relationship is that if you two were to end at any point, what would happen to the close knit group of friends. That's often the biggest problem with couples in groups of friends. Once they break up, especially if it's messy, you tear your friends in different directions and then they get fed up and not only do you lose the relationship you also lose the circle of friends. 

I suggest you talk to her, ask her why she changed (answer truthfully), why she doesn't think it will work, and explain why you think it will. Tell her you also think that others should know, or if there is one particular person you trust the most in the group, tell them. This is something that's hard to keep bottled up, especially when it is someone who, when she's home, you'll likely see on a regular basis. So get it off your chest, find out what direction she wants to take it, and then build your plans from there. 

Let us know how it goes, and how she reacts. Hopefully we can help you out along the way as things progress. 

Best of luck!