#birthdayreflection

https://youtu.be/nNgHSxXd9JE

Watch this first ^

If you haven’t seen Beaches yet, you should. It was one of mom’s favorite movies. I remember when I was growing up, this was our stay home “sick” from school movie. Yes, every once in a while mom would actually ask me if I wanted to stay home from school. She worked a lot, nights, so on days when she felt like she was missing me more, she’d ask me if I didn’t want to go to school today. And no... I didn’t abuse this because after a certain age, I really enjoyed going to school and never wanted to miss a day lol. 

I’m not sure why this song came to mind today... but after all the festivities of my birthday, I started singing it out loud randomly... and then I started to really think about the lyrics. Its crazy and beautiful how things can gain new meaning to us with time. This movie, for example. Its always meant a lot to me and reminded me of her, now in a very different way... but still one that makes me smile. Happy sad.

So it was my birthday today. It wasn’t awful like many of the other firsts may have felt at times... It was a reminder of all the love I have in my life. Even though we’ve lost so much... even though COVID has kept us apart longer and more than we’d like... love is always there. 

I just want to say thank you.

I know some people think the facebook reminder is cheating lol... but I’m still thankful. Thankful that when you saw the facebook reminder, that you took the moment to send me a message... Thank you to everyone who called... facetimed... sent me packages/deliveries... virtual gifts... dropped by for a distanced hello... Thank you to my family for cooking and bringing food. 

It was more than I ever hoped and more special than you know. 

Fear is a funny thing... Denial and fear can be such great friends at times... I wanted to deny this day for a long time.. I didn’t want to think about it. I dreaded it. I cried about it. 

Anyone else feel like they’re WAY more emotional as they’ve gotten older? Its so unbelievably easy for me to cry lol. JUST LIKE MY MOTHER... HOH MY GOD. I’m dead... hahahaha. I’d always laugh when any emotional scene in a movie came on because you could almost bet 100% she’d have some waterworks going lol... DAS ME NOW! ayiyi... 

Anyway.. the fear and anticipation of what I THOUGHT this day would feel like was actually worse than how today actually felt. 

Was I sad that mom and Michael weren’t here to celebrate like always? YES. 

Am I sad that I won’t have my traditional one time a year, despite dozens of requests throughout the year, pozole? HECK YES. (BTW, mom made the best pozole... IYKYK!)

Most of all I’m sad that a year ago I celebrated my last birthday with them... That’s the hardest part about all these first... Knowing that the last... was... THE last.

But loss has made me view life differently... experience it differently... These last few days weren’t consumed by sadness, they were full of love, laughter, and gratitude. 

I’m so thankful. 

There’s really not much else to say. I feel so completely blessed to have such an amazing family, such amazing friends, and wonderful people in my life. Thank you for loving me, for me. Thank you for supporting us through such heartbreaking times in our lives... but if it weren’t for the heartbreak... if it weren’t for all the loss... I wouldn’t love and appreciate you all as much as I do. 

Just like Beaches has a new meaning to me... the love I have and all the good feelings I get when I think about my support system have so much more meaning. 

So here is to another blessed year of life. Another day I’m thankful for my health and the health of those around me. Another day full of cloudy AND sunny skies... and silver linings. 

To end with maybe some laughs... here’s my favorite clip from Beaches. 

i turned 19 ✨

I am 42! 🎂 No big party planned, no flashy celebration — but as I look back, I realized: wow, ang dami ko na palang natutunan sa buhay. From moving to Singapore, then to the UK, raising two beautiful daughters, being a husband, juggling work and family, and just trying to survive adulthood — there are things I wish I knew earlier, and things I’m still figuring out. So here it is: 42 life…

heretopost First Entry: Finally Starting 📅 May 18, 2025

Welcome to heretopost.

I’ve always wanted to start a blog. For the longest time, I just didn’t know how to begin—or what to write about. I kept putting it off, waiting for the perfect idea or the right words to come. But nothing ever felt quite right.

Lately though, life has been testing me in ways I didn’t expect. And in the middle of all that, I realized I needed an outlet—a space where I could release my thoughts and emotions, not just to share them, but to better understand myself. Writing feels like a good first step. So here I am—heretopost.

By the way, today is my birthday. I'm spending it in a faraway place, celebrating quietly—alone. I felt like I needed to do this... to create space for some deep thinking. I’m in a cool, misty place surrounded by lush greenery, peaceful views, and calm silence. You won't hear the usual city buzz here—just the wind, the trees, and the occasional bird call. It’s the kind of place where you can breathe a little deeper.

I wanted to disengage from the noise of city life, reconnect with nature, and just be in a place where no one knows me. No pressure to talk, no need to explain anything, no expectations. Just me.

How does it feel to celebrate alone? Honestly, I’m not even sure. I'm torn between feeling peaceful and a little melancholic. The day passed like any ordinary one—but somehow, I got to do the things I truly wanted. I had a really good stone massage, finally satisfied my long-time craving for a vegan burger (and it was worth the wait), and I did a 10K walk after discovering a nearby oval track. Walking clears my head—especially when I need to process my thoughts.

When I returned to the hotel, I was so exhausted that I slept like a baby. That kind of deep, restful sleep I rarely get.

And then, there was this one thing that made the day quietly special. Someone very dear to me made the effort to visit. We had breakfast together and went out for a short walk before parting ways. It was simple—but deeply meaningful. No birthday cake, no birthday song, no parties. Just sincere text messages from people who remembered me. And strangely... I liked it that way.

Maybe heretopost won’t be perfect. Maybe my entries will be random, raw, and unfiltered. But if it helps me reconnect with myself, that’s enough.

Thanks for reading. I’m just getting started. ✨

“Sometimes you just need a break, in a beautiful place, alone, to figure everything out.” — Unknown

Birthdays are supposed to be a time of joy, a day to reflect on another year lived, and ideally, feel celebrated by the people around you. But this year, my birthday was anything but joyful. It was bland, uneventful, and—if I’m being honest—disappointing. I spent half the day working remotely, and after lunch, I made the decision to go offline to spend time with my wife and daughter. Despite this, the weight of the day hung heavily over me.

In an age where we’ve become conditioned to social media validation, I couldn’t help but notice the silence. I received fewer than 50 greetings on Facebook, most of them from acquaintances or distant relatives. Two were from coworkers, and two others from my siblings. A couple of phone calls came in, but they were from distant family members. The absence that hit hardest, though, was the lack of any acknowledgment from my parents or my sister who works abroad. Not a single message or call from them on my birthday.

It stung, but not in the way it used to. It was more a dull ache than a sharp pain, and that’s what concerned me the most. The truth is, I’ve been distant from my family for years, starting around 2015 when I began being left out of family gatherings. Each time I expressed hurt or tried to distance myself, I was branded as uncaring. The irony was that during times of financial crisis in the household—when my parents struggled to pay for electricity, food, or other basic needs—I stepped in to take care of it, no questions asked. I didn’t do it for recognition, but deep down, I wanted to be acknowledged for helping out. Unfortunately, my efforts were never seen or appreciated.

My father, in particular, has become a sore point in my life. He often compares me to my sister, who sends a significant amount of money every month to support their lifestyle. "Kulang kulang hapmilyun," he says, referring to the half a million she sends regularly. Meanwhile, I am constantly reminded of how little I contribute in comparison. It's hard not to internalize that, no matter how much I’ve done or continue to do.

The lies and broken promises only add to the strain. Earlier this year, he told me he couldn't send the house budget, so I covered it for the time being. He promised to repay me, but the money never came. I even bought a second-hand car, under the impression that repairs and a repaint would be covered by a mechanic he recommended. Turns out, there was no such agreement. To top it all off, the car I actually wanted—an old white Honda Civic that I’d driven for years—wasn't even an option. He refused to sell it to me, preferring to give it to a relative or scrap it entirely rather than let me buy it. Why? I still don’t know.

In just a few short months, my relationship with my parents has deteriorated. I’ve stopped pretending, stopped forcing smiles or pleasantries for the sake of peace. It’s a strange dynamic—being financially supportive of people who refuse to acknowledge your efforts or even treat you with basic respect. I’m still living at the family home, mainly because I haven’t finalized paperwork to get my own place. But I worry about what this environment will teach my daughter. Will she grow up thinking that this animosity is normal? Will she believe that this strained relationship with her grandparents is just the way things are?

This birthday wasn’t just a reminder of getting older; it was a stark reflection of how much has changed. A year that should have been filled with celebration felt hollow, not because of the lack of a party or grand gestures, but because the relationships I once relied on have frayed beyond recognition.

Alec: Make Note of Turquoise Necklace! All I truly desired for my birthday was to lose myself in a good book. As any bookworm understands, books are more than just words on a page; they offer a unique window into someone else’s perspective and, as a result, shape and transform one’s life. Why bother with airplanes or spaceships when I can explore countless universes from the comfort of my…

The phone rang, shattering the morning’s workday quiet. It was Camille. Her ominous voice carried a weight that chilled me to the bone in midsummer. “It’s Michelle’s family. There’s been a horrible accident … ” she began, her words gripping the air like a heavy fog. Five years ago, on August 13, a rip current claimed the life of Phil, my dear friend Michelle’s husband. Three months later, our…

“Even in the realm of daydreams, the seeds of inspiration are sown, nurturing our growth from afar.” – The Loulouge