#bipolar nos

Hi darling,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with this lovely! I can definitely imagine it’s really difficult to constantly think that people are lying to you. Have you been lied to often in the past, by someone you thought would never lie to you? If that’s happened to you, it could explain why you’re currently struggling with this. Our past experiences often are an explanation of current habits, although not necessarily. Especially when we’re still young, we are still growing, both physically and mentally. That means that when something happens when you’re young, it can have more impact than it would have if it had happened when you were older. So if you were lied to a lot when you were younger, this can cause for you to experience the strong belief that people are often lying to you.

Like I said, this isn’t necessarily the explanation. Sometimes we struggle with something while it seems there might not really be a reason for it. This can be annoying, because it doesn’t answer our question on why we might be dealing with it. But what’s really important to keep in mind is that it doesn’t make your struggles any less valid! They’re just as valid as any other struggles.

Something that can help when struggling with thoughts like this is to try and challenge your thoughts. There are different questions that you can ask yourself to challenge those thoughts. These challenging thoughts can be:

What’s the worst that could happen? This is a tricky one, because it isn’t something you want to get stuck in as that won’t help. However, sometimes we fear something and when we ask ourselves this question, our fear seems to be bigger than the worst case scenario. For example, I fear change a lot because it’s new and scary. It helps me then to ask myself what the worst thing is that could happen, because in those situations the worst is that the new thing won’t help me. But then I can always go back to my old way of doing things. So in that case, the worst case scenario rationally isn’t as bad, even though it feels like the world ending.

What are the odds? This question is difficult in your case, as there isn’t a lot of research on how many percent of people lie, but maybe it can apply in other situations. 

If it happens, will I get over it? Yes, yes you will. It will be difficult, no one will deny that! Being lied to isn’t fun at all. But you can get through those difficult times. You’ll feel bad for a while, it’s truly upsetting. But you can get through it and that’s important to keep in mind! My favourite quote applies a lot here. Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Often when we’re struggling, we tend to catastrophize. When we’re feeling bad, we feel like it’s impossible to get through those tough times. But, you’ve done that before, you’ve gotten through those tough times. It isn’t impossible. It’s hard, but it isn’t impossible. You can get through it.

What’s the best that could happen? Trying to focus on a potential outcome can shift your thoughts away a little from that you fear they’re lying to you. It might be a thought that calms you down a little.

What would you say to a friend who was struggling with thoughts like this? Often we can think more rationally when we aren’t in the situation ourselves. I can give advice to other people (at least, I hope it’s helpful!), but I struggle with following my own advice. My therapist asks me often what I’d say to someone who sent in an ask here at MHA. I’ll then try to imagine writing an answer, and then I can come up with something that can help me, which I couldn’t think of when I was trying to think of how to get through the situation myself. Of course I can’t always think of something, but it’s a start. We also tend to be kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves. So if you struggle with the thought that you don’t deserve to be told the truth and that’s why people are lying to you (this is just an example, I don’t know if this is a thought you’re struggling with), it can be hard to go against that thought. But if a close friend of yours said something like that, you’d probably have something to say on why they do deserve the truth and why they aren’t being  lied to. And then, why are you different? Why set different boundaries for yourself than for others? 

Try to think of an alternative thought. Is there an explanation to what’s happening (for example your boyfriend’s grandad having a stroke) that don’t include him lying? Yes there is, namely that his grandad’s had a stroke. Is there proof that you can give for this alternative explanation?

Something else that’s good to keep in mind is that we’re always searching for proof for the beliefs we have. So your belief is that people are lying to you. You will therefore notice small things that could be seen as proof for that. But small (or big) things that are proof for the fact that people are not lying to you will probably go unnoticed. Try to keep an eye out for this more, so that you start building up this proof. By doing this consistently every day, eventually it will start to feel more true. What can really help is to write it down, as that way it sticks around more. I read the other day that writing something down equals reading it seven times. Just a fun fact :)

Are you receiving professional help for your bipolar disorder and anxiety lovely? This isn’t something you have to deal with all by yourself! Common treatment options would be medication or therapy, although usually a combination of those is recommended. You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain shortly to them what you’ve been dealing with. They’ll then be able to refer you to someone such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. I hope this helped at least a little bit!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Hi anon!