#actuallymanic

I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I want him I need him

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

the sounds in the walls, water, and radio static;

HI friends!!

I finished digitizing my graphic novel about my mental illness.

I know there are spelling mistakes, they will be corrected in my next pass over. I am so excited to share this with you all.

please let me know if you liked it or if you have any feedback.