#bigmagic

Don’t try to be unique - Why try to be what you already are?

Don’t try to be special - It’s better to lift everyone up then be ‘better’ than others on your own

If you believe you aren’t interesting- remember, you’re unique and unique is always interesting.

If you don’t think you’re unique, remember, anything you do, nobody else can do it exactly the same as you. Nobody has the same feel, presence or atmosphere to them as you. Nobody can speak the way you do with the same tone, same voice, same words, same context and the same emotions.

Even if you’re doing a job that “anyone can do”, nobody can do the job exactly the way you do it- how you relate to your colleagues, the way you write your reports,how you relate to your clients, what attitude you bring to work and even down to the way you sit in your chair- that is all completely and totally unique to you.

Two butchers cannot butcher an identical product. Similar but always different, unique carve marks left behind.

We all have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two ears, a face, a neck, a torso and two arms and two legs. That makes it sound like we’re all identical- but you know we are not.

The idea is the same but execution is always unique.

I’m sure somebody has already thought this before- But nobody has ascribed these exact words to the thought. And nobody has spoken these exact words today, in this exact social and cultural context. And good ideas deserve to be heard and shared again and again. Cycling through us, born and reborn again, casting a warm light along those it brushes against.

As Elizabeth Gilbert puts it in her book The Big Magic, all possible story arcs have been explored already but that doesn’t stop people from writing more books exploring the same story arc.

Lastly, if you think you need to be special to matter, that must be really difficult for you.

First of all, that is a lot of demand to put on a simple human need for belonging.

Being thought of as special and feeling like you matter isn’t the same thing. Although to many, including me, it can sometimes feel that way.

Especially if attention was denied to you at an early age, or provided conditionally (e.g. when you behave particularly well or badly), you tend to believe that you need to work hard to deserve to be seen (to matter) - and that can very quickly turn into believing that being significantly better/worse than others is a requirement for feeling like you matter to the people you love.

So what’s the difference between feeling special and feeling like you matter?

When you feel like you matter, people acknowledge and recognise you as belonging to the space. You’re awarded the same respect and priorities as everyone else in the room.

Being special is people considering you to be superior compared to others and awarding you more respect and more priority than others in the room.

For most people, being special is an uncomfortable and I dare say, even a lonely experience at best because you’re excluded from belonging. And belonging, is a fundamental need.

Please remember you’re interesting and unique and you matter and nobody else can be you. It’s been told many times before, and it’ll be told many times again in the future.

Kita mengisi waktu sepanjang usia duapuluhan dan tiga puluhan dengan berusaha keras menjadi sempurna, karena kita mencemaskan penilaian orang lain tentang diri kita.

Ketika memasuki usia empat puluh dan lima puluh, kita akhirnya mulai bebas, karena kita memutuskan bahwa kita tidak peduli dengan apa yang dipikirkan orang lain tentang diri kita.

Tapi, kau tidak pernah benar-benar bebas hingga usia enam puluh dan tujuh puluh, ketika kau akhirnya menyadari kebenaran yang membebaskan ini — tak ada seorangpun yang pernah memikirkanmu.

Orang hanya memikirkan diri mereka sendiri disebagian waktu mereka. Orang tidak punya waktu untuk mencemaskan apa yang tengah kau kerjakan. Atau seberapa baik kau dalam mengerjakannya.

Karena perhatian mereka tertuju pada drama diri mereka sendiri.

Perhatian orang mungkin terarah padamu sebentar (ketika kau berhasil atau gagal). Tapi perhatian itu akan kembali ke tempat mereka yang biasa — diri mereka sendiri.

Meskipun pada awalnya terkesan hampa dan mengerikan untuk membayangkan bahwa kau bukan pusat perhatian orang lain, kenyataannya itu juga melegakan.

Kau bebas, karena setiap orang terlalu sibuk memusingkan diri mereka sendiri untuk sempat memikirkanmu.

Jadilah sosok yang kau inginkan. Lakukan apapun yang ingin kau lakukan.

Kerjarlah apa pun yang menarik bagimu dan memberikan semangat ke dalam kehidupanmu.

Ciptakan apa saja yang ingin kau ciptakan — dan biarkanlah meskipun hasilnya sangat tidak sempurna, karena kemungkinan besar tidak ada seorangpun yang menyadarinya.

Dan, itu luar biasa.

YOU TOTALLY ARE. 

Very glad the answer helped you. Remember you don’t need permission from anyone. Also, do yourself a favor and read Big Magic and The Confidence Code, I think they’d both be great reinforcement right now for you.

—Agent KillFee