#beingused

(a dominant perspective)

These are just my thoughts. My impressions. Based on experience and countless conversations. No claim to truth. Just an attempt to explain why some women crave being used like a toy, degraded, ruined, and left, especially in erotic context.

For many, these thoughts don’t start in the body. They start in the mind. They’re fantasies. Controlled stories. Safe ways to feel intensity, to give up control, to be seen in a raw, stripped way. “Use me” isn’t about worthlessness. It’s about choosing to surrender worth in a controlled setting. Giving someone the power to take, to use, to make you feel small, not because you are, but because it magnifies how deeply you trust them.

That’s what people often miss: most kinks live in the head. A rape kink doesn’t mean someone actually wants to be assaulted. A gangbang fantasy doesn’t mean they want five strangers in a room. Exhibitionism doesn’t mean they want to be watched for real. These are safe ways to explore power, risk, shame, control, without danger. The moment becomes real, but stays contained. Until it’s over. And then, most return to the safety of themselves. Questioning. Processing. Sometimes even cringing at what they asked for. That’s normal. We’ve all done something during sex we thought about later and felt a little embarrassed by. It’s part of growing, exploring, evolving. But that’s exactly why who you give these parts of yourself to matters so much. Because the wrong Dom, the selfish one, the one who doesn’t understand the weight of power, he won’t stay. He won’t check in. He’ll take your trust, act out the scene, and disappear. And when the shame hits after, when the crash comes, you’re alone with it. Feeling broken for what you asked for. Not because the kink was wrong, but because the person was.

That’s not dominance. That’s abuse dressed up in leather. A real Dom doesn’t just fuck a body, he holds a mind. He reads the signals you’re not even aware you’re giving. He remembers every boundary even when you’re in subspace. And most importantly, he brings you back. Every single time. Aftercare is not optional. It’s the seal that turns filth into trust, degradation into intimacy. It’s where the toy becomes the person again and knows she was never just a toy in the first place.

When this happens, sometimes all I want is someone to be incredibly rough with me. To make me feel like I do in fact mean nothing to them, that I’m just a body to be used and tossed aside when they’re done. I know I’m a masochist, I like pain during different scenes because I do have a high pain tolerance. I feel like the kind of pain I want someone to inflict on me during this time is really intense, though, because I want the physical and emotional pain and I want it to HURT. I don’t know if it’s my mind subconsciously trying to feel like it has a “genuine” reason for feeling sad, or angry, or whatever else it’s feeling at the time - by being used and treated that way, but it makes me feel bad because I KNOW I would feel worse afterwards. And I would feel bad for asking my dom to have done something I knew that, any other part of the month, I wouldn’t ask to go so far in.

I don’t currently have a dom, or even a significant other but I guess I worry that…how do I not do that? I don’t expect you to even really have an answer, I guess. I mean, obviously talking and having boundaries is key but my mind doesn’t factor in any of that during this time. I don’t know, I’m just worried about ever putting someone else in a position where they feel like THEY did something wrong or hurt me, when it would have been me that pushed, or asked…me who did it to myself and asked to be treated like I was nothing when I was already feeling that way.

Sorry for rambling and unpacking this all on you, I just felt like I needed to get it out of my head and I guess I felt like your question box was the best place to do it?

You’re not wrong for craving something that makes sense to your body when your mind feels like it’s falling apart. Pain, control, roughness can feel like anchors when everything inside is chaos. I understand that. What matters is this, you already know your needs shift. And that awareness is important. It tells me you’re not reckless, you’re searching for safety inside intensity. The answer isn’t to shame those cravings. It’s to make sure the person you give them to knows when to act on them… and when not to. A real Dom listens before he touches. He sees the difference between release and destruction. He can hold the leash tightly without ever pulling it too far. So no, there’s nothing wrong with what you want. You just need someone who knows how to read between your words and your silences. And until then, protect your heart. You deserve to be ruined in the ways that heal, not the ones that leave scars you regret.

Gold diggers and shady people

How do you know if someone is into you for the right reasons or if it’s all a front. Personally this isn’t something I have ever had to experience first hand in a personal relationship. But it is something that I am witnessing. Lets dive in to finding out if you got a gold digger on your hands (or just a shady person).

This person let’s just name them, Felicia. Felicia came in hella strong after…