#bebetae

warnings: CHEEKY MUSICIAN JAEMIN, swearing, protected sex (condom), fingering, oral (m + f receiving), multiple orgasms (f), spitting (lol?), dirty talk, copious amounts of flirting, confusing flirting, confusing relationship that isn’t even a relationship

nothing in this fic is meant to be a representation of these idols in real life. this is for creative purposes only. 

The stage is where Jaemin feels like he’s dead, alive and surviving all at the same time. 

“Last one!” Jeno called, and Jaemin nodded before turning back toward the crowd. His calloused fingertips fell into their natural rhythm. His favorite bass guitar, the white one, hung low over his pelvis and he jutted his chin toward Haechan, signaling the singer to present himself to the mic. 

For most of the night, the drunken crowd had paid little attention to their music and instead used it as background noise as they partied wildly, but there was something about their closing song that always got people’s heads turning. Renjun gave a small riff on his guitar and Jeno pumped up the tempo of his drumming. 

“Are you ready?” Haechan asked into the mic, an eruption of cheers answering back. The four boys smiled, Jaemin throwing his head back in a way where his body couldn’t possibly have handled the flood of pure glee rushing through him if he hadn’t. He laughed outright, but it couldn’t be heard over the booming sound systems and Haechan’s approaching voice. 

Jaemin had strummed to this song enough times to do it with his eyes closed, and his vocals wouldn’t come in until the bridge, so it gave him plenty of time to entertain himself without the mental strain. 

Scratch that, it gave him plenty of time for his eyes to land on you. 

He might not have noticed you if it weren’t for the way you were dancing, alone and without a care yet filling up all the empty space a partner would have otherwise been. You wore a simple black dress but the way your pretty body moved in it caught his interest. And with one scan of the crowd, he wasn’t the only admirer. Jaemin could only spot glances of your face through your curtain of hair, his eyes glued to you and they couldn’t do much of anything else. You were so free and full of life. 

The venue was outdoors, in the backyard of some rich frat Jaemin didn’t know the name of, and strings of lights swooped back and forth above their heads to enhance the youthful stupidity going on below. Were you alone in this big filled party? Him and the boys don’t necessarily stop by this campus too often to play, but he’s surely never seen you here before. He didn’t know what to make of that. 

Jaemin didn’t have much time to dwell. The song’s bridge was somehow already halfway through and Renjun was side-eyeing the hell out of him as he covered for his lack of, well, singing. Jaemin knew exactly what the guitarist was thinking. What an idiot. 

They played it off well though, and by the time Jeno clashed the cymbals in finality everything had gone relatively smoothly as far as Jaemin was concerned. His bandmates didn’t seem to agree. 

“What was that?” Renjun barked as they exited the small makeshift stage, raising his voice over the generic EDM music now blasting through the speakers. Jaemin shoved his bass into its case and shrugged, sending his friends a condescending salute and an insulting smile as he walked backwards into the crowd. The three of them knew the boy well enough to guess where he was going. 

“Fucking hornbug,” Haechan sighed, but he was chuckling under his breath. 

The thickness of bodies proved hard to navigate through as Jaemin craned his head over everyone else’s. After many shoves and half-assed apologies, he finally found you, who was talking to another girl in the middle of the dance floor. His eyes followed the lines of your body, but with closer proximity, he could finally see your face in its entirety. And fuck, he was ready to see much more. 

Jaemin shifted his demeanor to suit something more appealing, and with a surge of confidence he weeded his way to your side. He looked away at first, ruffling his hair upon habit. His nonchalant attitude must’ve worked, because your eyes landed on him and didn’t care to look away. Jaemin caught your stare and studied you for a moment, as if that wasn’t what he had been doing for the past five minutes in secret. 

Pretty, Jaemin thought mindlessly. 

Your friend gave the two of you a knowing look before willingly slipping away, leaving you in the hands of this beautiful stranger. His flowy shirt was unbuttoned several times down to reveal his chest, his black hair messy, its previous styling now overcome with a thin layer of sweat. There was a tattoo running down the side of his neck, and though the dark lighting around you prevented you from seeing what exactly it was, the ink stood out strongly on his pale skin. 

Hot, you said to yourself. 

“You’re from the band, right?” you asked, and he nodded with a smile. He liked that you didn’t quite know who he was. Jaemin could feel the mutual attraction, and it struck him that good things would happen tonight. He just knew it. 

“And you’re quite the dancer—” Jaemin paused, his eyes hunting yours expectantly. 

“Y/n,” you finished, satisfying the first step the both of you needed. “And what should I call you?”

“Na Jaemin,” he breathed out, stepping a few measly inches closer, yet it spoke volumes as he loomed over you. You quirked an eyebrow at him, your eyes wide and alluring as you stared up at him in a way that made his heart jump into his throat. He could see right through you, though, and he knew not to grant you false innocence. You were far past that threshold, and he pouted at your efforts. He was done playing the meeting game. 

“Do you feel what I’m feeling, Y/n?” he pondered, his voice dark and soft in a haunting combination. It was such a loaded question for him to ask, and you responded instead with a touch to his hand. His eyes flickered down and he bit his smirk away, keeping his body still as you guided his movements. Slowly, until his cold fingertips grazed where your dress clung to your thigh, and your exhale was so shaky he had to use every muscle in his body not to rip you apart in the crowded, dark room. 

You froze your movements, and Jaemin’s eyes moved back up to your challenging gaze. You were willing him to make the next move, he realized. Funny, because he didn’t hesitate before moving his hand past the hem. He hummed in satisfaction when you gasped. 

“It depends. Am I?” 

“Fuck yeah,”

It was the last thing Jaemin said before pressing himself into you for a kiss. You were glad he was so quick to jump on the train you were steering, and you figured the universe picked well when leading you straight into Jaemin. Whoever you had to thank for giving you this handsome, endearing, amazing-at-kissing man was getting a million cries of gratitude from you. 

You learned quickly that Jaemin was both a very touchy and vocal lover. His large hands reached down to shamelessly grip your ass through the material of your short dress, and you shuddered as you weaved your hands into his hair, his low groan invading your mouth. You were so lost in the kiss that you squeaked in surprise when he pulled your body harshly into his, and you could feel a prominent bulge against your lower abdomen. You were about to pull away to catch your breath when he chased your lips, sucking and nipping your bottom lip before he let you go. 

“Aw,” he cooed, peppering light kisses along your face until he reached the shell of your ear. “Looks like someone took more than they could handle,”

You scowled up at him mockingly, and Jaemin couldn’t stop from pecking your lips. How you could be so addicting, he didn’t know. He swore he just met you, right?

“Come on,” he called, grabbing your hand and leading you through the crowd. You received a couple nosy looks from the people you passed, everyone glancing down at your intertwined hands. They all must know the boy you were with. You figured you might be a little over your head, but you surely weren’t going to stop now. 

There was a shift in the air when you both stumbled into the empty hallway, the music seeming so far away and the lights too bright. Jaemin tried the handles on a couple doors and eventually struck luck, tugging you into the bedroom, and the sound of the door shutting and locking was the final nail in your heavenly coffin. 

You two got undressed rather quickly, until you were both left bare and he was looking you up and down like he was a devil sent to your beckoning. You couldn’t help but notice his build, the muscles in his torso rippling as he approached you. He kept advancing until his chest was out of sight and he was pressing against you, the poster behind you smooth on your skin. 

The two of you looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, the lighting in the room dim from the singular, weak lamp on the desk. You noticed how large his eyes and how rather long his eyelashes were as he blinked at you. You hooked your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. 

“Is this okay?” Jaemin asked, hands rubbing the curve of your hips before squeezing your skin slightly. 

“Yeah, definitely okay,” you breathed out. The look in your eyes stirred something within him, and he leaned forward to press a light kiss to the corner of your mouth. It was intimate, and the skin he left behind tingled. You closed your eyes to enjoy the feeling of his lips moving to explore your jaw, down to your neck where he ran his scorching tongue. You were sighing heavily when he nipped your skin teasingly. 

“Darling,” he whispered, moving his face back up to capture your lips. You both groaned into the kiss and you were acutely aware of the way his bulge nudged softly against your tight, so you reached down to cup his length. He groaned, and you were sure he couldn’t possibly get any more attractive than that. “I don’t even know what to do with you,”

“You’re so big,” you murmured, your fingertips light as they brushed down the shadow of his length. Jaemin smiled, a cute grin with his lips glued tightly together as his eyes squinted at you endearingly. 

“Too big?” he questioned, and you nodded meekly. “But it’ll make you feel so good, right? ‘Cause you’ll take it. You’ll take it just for me and I’ll let you cum,”

You melted at his words and you were surprised he had such quickening control over you. Jaemin was just so damn assertive that he managed to weaken your resolve. 

“Would you like that, baby?” Jaemin grabbed you by the waist and peeled you off the wall, and the two of you stumbled over to the bed as he twisted around and let you rest on the mattress first. He followed right behind and slotted a knee between your legs to pry them open. “You just want someone to take care of you,”

“Want you to take care of me,” you replied. Jaemin hummed in agreement. 

“I’ll do more than that,” he promised, placing small kisses on your boob that almost tickled. Daringly, you shifted your bodies until his back hit the sheets. Jaemin sucked in a breath as you wrapped your hand around his length, letting you stroke him a few times before turning him over on his back. He scooted up the sheets so he could lean against the headboard and get a proper look at you. Even if he wanted to be in control of the situation, he could never deny you as you knelt between his legs, the curve of your ass taunting him. 

Jaemin finally pulled his underwear off, tossing it somewhere off the bed and you smiled at seeing his erect cock. It was big, incredibly thick and Jaemin was clearly aware as he smirked at you, the pretty girl practically drooling at the sight of him.  You licked your lips and peered up at him but he was only looking at you with dark, hooded eyes, encouraging you to start. You grabbed the base of his cock, giddy at the way your hand couldn’t quite wrap around its entirety. Jaemin hissed as you licked up to the tip, several times until you were satisfied with the saliva coating his length. 

“Holy shit,” he panted, your mouth wrapping delicately over his swollen head as your tongue traced the underside. Jaemin was visibly sweating now, the ridges of his abdomen rising and falling with his labored breaths. Without warning you sank lower, his tip bordering on the entrance of your throat. He choked out a low groan and admired you with pupils blown out from the pleasure. 

You sucked harshly as you bobbed your head up and down, focused entirely on the way his face contorted and how hot he sounded. You pulled away for a second to breathe, and Jaemin took the opportunity to lunge his upper body forward and grab your hair, forcing your head back. 

“Open,” he muttered, and your jaw opened obediently. He smirked at your compliance and ran his thumb across your bottom lip affectionately. You watched as he leaned in close, and you were almost desperate for the kiss you were anticipating, but you weren’t disappointed when instead he spit into your mouth and jerked your mouth closed himself. Fuck. 

You hummed in approval and turned your attention back to his cock, leaning over his tip and slowly letting both yours and his saliva drip onto his flushed length before taking it into your mouth once again. His thighs were tense under your palms and you braced yourself, trying to go lower, but you gagged around his length without getting barely more than half his length inside. You tore off of him and coughed slightly. 

“Maybe it is too big for you,” Jaemin sighed with fake sympathy, his hand lazily reaching up to caress your cheek. You relaxed into his hand for a second, your face leaning into his touch, but you were interrupted as his hand moved to roughly grab your face. You were practically dripping onto the bed. “What are you going to do with such a big cock?”

“I’ll take it like a good girl,” you answered instantly, your words a bit muffled from the hold he had on your cheeks, and he groaned at your words. 

Jaemin had heard enough, and he disregarded the blowjob you were giving him so he could switch your positions. You nearly screamed when he thrusted two fingers into you, curling them deliciously. Your legs twitched as he pumped them slowly but deeply into you, the loud sounds coming from your dripping pussy resonating about the room embarrassingly. The music from downstairs was muffled but it felt like a soundtrack to whatever movie you and Jaemin were living in together, fucking each other like it was love when you had only just learned the other’s name. 

“So fucking wet,” he growled, his thumb moving up to rub your clit as his fingers sped up. He was a bit sloppy as his finger slipped around your bud, but his touch was intoxicating as he brought you closer to your impending climax. You were so sensitive that it was no surprise. 

“Jaemin, fuck,” you moaned as he scissored his fingers inside of you, surely stretching you out for what was coming next. Jaemin was so good, but he went one step further as he leaned down and took one nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the bud and laving over it repeatedly. His bangs tickled your skin as he hovered over you, and you let one hand go from the sheets so you could brush his hair back and bunch it in your grip. 

“Cum for me, Y/n. I want you to cum on my fingers,” he spoke around your breast, shifting to move to the other as he rubbed your clit harder. Your eyes squeezed shut, Jaemin humming in satisfaction as your walls clamped around his hands as he slowed his thrusts down. 

“That’s it,” His mouth and fingers left you as you layed there, recovering. Your head was nearly spinning and you had yet to open your eyes, but they shot open when Jaemin trapped your clit in his mouth, sucking hard. 

“Jaemin! Oh my fucking god,” you moaned, but he didn’t let up as he enjoyed the way your bud pulsed lightly on his tongue. Your hands were woven into his soft hair, your back arching and your thighs attempting to close around his head. He stopped, growling and using his strong arms to pry your legs open further than they were before. 

“Stay fucking still,” he demanded, diving down and shoving his tongue into your entrance, gathering all the arousal and cum from your leaking hole. Jaemin moaned at your taste, traveling as deep as possible just so he could swallow it all down. 

You were twitching pathetically by the time he was satisfied, your pussy covered more in his spit than your juices like he owned it. Maybe he did. 

“So pretty,” he murmured, but you weren’t sure if he was talking about you or your cunt as his eyes darted between the two. You rested your hands over your head, staring up at his handsome face bashfully, and he let out the most adorable giggle as he moved back up to you. He grabbed your hands, kissing your knuckles. “Fucking cute. What am I going to do with you?”

He chuckled as you bucked your hips up to meet his painfully hard cock, getting the message. Jaemin prayed to whoever’s room this was as he opened the drawer to the nightstand. With some kind of godsent luck he grabbed one of the foil packages and tore it open with his teeth, fumbling the condom between his moist fingers before you sighed and grabbed it from him. 

“Not to be impatient, but I need you. Right now,”

Your tone was demanding and urgent, sparking Jaemin with intense need. “I think I’m in love with you,” he blurted, and even though it was clearly a joke, both of your hearts paused for a split second at the word thrown so casually. The feeling was mutually ignored. Jaemin couldn’t even chastise himself over his stupid word choice when you were looking up at him like that, with your glassy eyes and parted lips. 

You got the condom on with ease, Jaemin’s face flushing with fleeting embarrassment. 

He pumped his cock in his large, veiny hand as he lined his head up with your entrance, breaching your entrance with just the very tip. Your hands ventured to his back, feeling the sharpness of his shoulder blades as you ran your fingertips across. He shuddered at the way you touched him so delicately, but his gaze hardened and he focused back on shoving his cock into you. 

He went slowly but it still felt impossible to accommodate his length, his girth seeming to expand the lower you got on his cock. You whined and pressed your hands to his abs, and he paused for a moment wondering if you wanted him to stop. His entire demeanor shifted. 

“Are you okay, princess?” he asked, reaching a hand up to brush the strands of hair falling over your face. 

“I’m okay,” you whispered, pecking his lips, and Jaemin groaned as you clenched around him, his length nearly entirely inside of you. 

“Just a bit more,”

You were relieved when his skin finally met yours, and for a moment you reveled in the feeling of him bottomed out inside of you. He was stretching you out just as much as you thought he would, the burning sensation slightly painful but incredibly addicting. From the look on his face you figured Jaemin was doing more than just enjoying it, too. 

Jaemin sat up a bit more so he had more control over his movements, gripping your hips in his sweaty hands so he could slowly slide in and out of your scorching heat. His lips were pursed and he was breathing heavily out of his nose, something he would do to get a grip on himself when it felt too fucking good. 

“My baby’s never been taken care of, huh? This tight little pussy was just asking to be fucked,” Jaemin noticed how sensitive you were to every inch he pumped into you, and he almost felt sorry as you whined at the size of his cock. With how hard you squeezed around him, he couldn’t help but love it just the same. 

There was something about the way Jaemin looked at you that got you impossibly more aroused, the intensity of his gaze proving to get you all hot and bothered inside. It felt like your insides were twisting from both his dick and the butterflies he gave you, a dehumanizing combination as you laid there at the mercy of him. As he began to pick up the pace your moans got louder, spurring him on as they turned into screams of pleasure. 

“You like it that much?”

“I love it. Love your cock so much,” you cried, your back arching into his thrusts. Your walls were stretching nearly beyond their limit as he forced his cock into you over and over again, and your body felt like it was levitating right off the bed. Jaemin’s head spun at the sight of you in such intense pleasure. On a whim of spontaneity, he pulled his cock out of you. 

“Hands and knees,” he spoke, and he didn’t mean to sound so demanding, but the deep gruffness of his voice gave a different impression. He was surprised when you whimpered, flipping over obediently and displaying your ass to him.

“Oh?” he perked up, grabbing your ass and spreading you open so he could properly see your wet cunt, your hole clenching sporadically around nothing but air. “I didn’t know you could be this messy. So beautiful. Everything about you,” 

Jaemin used one hand to guide his length back to your pussy, but instead of entering into you like you hoped he would, he opted to slide himself in between your dripping folds teasingly. His cock slid up to the curve of your ass and it rested so heavily against your skin. 

“Jaemin,” you whined, dragging his name out. “Please,”

“Please what?” he asked, but when you opened your mouth to reply the tip of his cock caught on the hood of your clit, sending an intense pang of pleasure up your body. You couldn’t speak as your mouth dropped open, your upper body collapsing as you pressed your cheek into the soft sheets. He tsked disapprovingly, his hand immediately threading through your hair as he used it to pull you up. You caught yourself on your hands, your back now arching up as he continued rocking his length against your folds. 

“Please fuck me,” you answered, your body tingling with excitement at his roughness. You really, truly couldn’t have asked for a better outcome from coming to this party. Truthfully, Jaemin was too needy himself to delay this any longer, your answer good enough for him to sink back into you. He could make you beg more later, another time, he thought. 

The new angle gave him an impossibly deeper reach into your cunt, hitting a certain spot inside of you that made you cry out. Jaemin was perfect, you thought. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect cock. And now you were close to having a second orgasm in the bed of a stranger. In a house you’ve never been to, at a party filled with faces you barely knew. It was all so exciting. 

“I’m going to cum,” you panted, your words a bit choked as your head was still tugged back. Jaemin took it as his cue to reach down and rub your clit earnestly, wanting to give you your release before he reached his own. 

“Mmh, so good for me,” he hummed, clenching his teeth at the way your walls were tightening around him. You were so close, just a bit more.

Jaemin’s thrusts had slowed and he wasn’t hammering into you anymore, instead giving slow, hard thrusts that brought a new form of pleasure. It was just what you needed in order to reach your climax. 

“Jaemin, fuck. Shit,” you moaned, lewd sounds coming from both your mouth and your pussy. He released your hair and you collapsed back into the pillows, your hips pushing back into him as you came down from your peak. You weren’t sure if a second or an hour had passed when Jaemin then pulled his length out of you, using his grip on your hips to flip you onto your back once again. 

You were looking up at him with a fucked out expression, and Jaemin decided that you had had enough for tonight. He moved to leave the bed but you whined, and he turned back to you and your pouty eyes. 

“You haven’t cum yet,” you complained, spreading your legs to display your weeping cunt to him. Jaemin had little self control around you yet he shook his head. 

“It’s alright, this was more than enough. I’m going to clean you up, okay?” 

His thoughtfulness only made you want him even more. 

Jaemin ignored his painful erection and turned away, nearing the bathroom door when his movements halted from the sound of a whiny moan. His gaze shot toward you and you were laying in the sheets, two fingers stuffed in your pussy. You were coaxing him. You were desperate. 

Your eyes were closed from the overstimulation, and you didn’t know Jaemin had approached you until he grabbed your arm and ripped your touch away. You trapped your bottom lip between your teeth to suppress your victorious smile. 

“Such a fucking brat,” Jaemin growled, pinning both your arms above your head with only one hand. You were defenseless like this and he knew it. “You want my cum that bad. So badly you’ll make me mad,” He tutted at you disapprovingly. 

“You want to act like a cumslut?” Jaemin no longer wasted any time, ramming his length into you in one smooth thrust. You keened, in love with the fact that this was his second time entering you, yet you weren’t quite adjusted to his size. “I’ll fuck you like one,”

You regretted nothing as Jaemin pounded into you over and over again, your body moving both up and deeper into the mattress from the sheer force of his thrusts. He wasn’t gentle with you anymore, not that he was before, but his intensity now paled what you thought was his version of rough. 

And you thought he made you feel good before? This time, you were sure you would never forget him and his—special set of skills. 

Jaemin’s stamina was quite impressive, chasing his own high. You could feel him everywhere. In your cunt, your chest, even the tips of your toes as they curled. You were screaming into the open air, and Jaemin found it in him to kiss you as if it would quiet you. But who was he kidding. He wanted the entire party to hear you as he fucked you into a stupid, blabbering mess. 

“Fuck, you’re going to cum again, aren’t you?” Jaemin taunted, noting the way you clenched around him. “I’m too generous. Maybe I shouldn’t let you cum. Or maybe I’ll make you cum again. And again, and then one more time, until you’re begging me to stop,”

You couldn’t speak, you could barely even breathe, but you forced your eyes open and met his own, and then you did something that nearly threw Jaemin off the bed. You had the audacity to smile, even throwing in a bubbly, infectious laugh as if he weren’t balls deep inside of you. Huh, you sure knew how to surprise him. He liked that. 

He actually loved it, but he figured it wouldn’t make a difference. 

It did. 

Jaemin sustained his pace and it wasn’t until you were teetering dangerously over the edge did you feel him begin to twitch inside of you. Sweat dripped down his face and his bangs sat attractively on his forehead, framing his beautiful features. For a moment you realize you’d forgotten how handsome Jaemin really was, and for much longer you realized how genuinely infatuated you were with him, somewhere far past the sexual level. It was scary. So scary that you pushed it to the back of your mind so it wouldn’t distract you any longer. 

“I’m close,” he groaned out, his hand reaching down to your clit to ensure you both reached your peaks one last time. It only took one flick of his index finger on your swollen bud for you to come undone, your cunt wrapping so tightly around his cock Jaemin could barely bring himself to move. He just wanted to relish in the warmth. 

He looked down at you just as you looked up at him, and the eye contact felt much more intimate than it probably should have. 

His cum shot into the condom yet you could feel every twitch of his length inside of you. His breathing was ragged and you felt a sick satisfaction knowing he was just as fucked out as you were. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he praised, looking down at his softening cock and seeing the white creamy cum you left on his covered dick as a trace of your arousal. He had to look away before he got painfully hard again. 

“I’ll be right back,” he murmured to you, and you lowered your hips back onto the bed as you heard him open the door to the bathroom. You heard the faucet running before his footsteps approached again, and you turned over to watch him struggle pulling his underwear back up whilst holding a dripping wet cloth in one of his hands. You giggled at his disdain. He eventually got them up and walked back over to the bed, and you hummed in appreciation as he cleaned you up, the unexpected aftercare giving you another reason to like this boy. When he was finished, he comically tossed the dirtied towel onto the desk across the room, uncaring if both of your cum was on the table. 

“What time is it?” you asked him as he crawled into bed next to you. He pulled you into his chest and yawned. 

“Time to go to sleep,”

You sighed, searching the room for some sort of clock, and on the desk there was an expensive looking computer that was dim with the time and date softly lit on the sleeping device, the time reading past midnight. 

“I have to go. My roommate is expecting me back,”

“No you don’t,” Jaemin groaned, hugging you even tighter. He was warm against your back and you considered staying there forever, but you did not want Hina to barge into a house of sleeping, drunk frat boys looking for you. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, twisting in his hold to face him. You caressed your hand over his cheek, combing through his hair and down to his neck. “Jaemin, you can’t be asleep already,”

“I was hoping if I faked it you would stay,” he whispered, his eyes finally opening and he sighed, sitting up. He was the first to stand and he offered a hand out to you as you followed after him, the both of you redressing in the clothes scattered about the floor. 

“Can I keep these?” he asked, holding up your lace panties like a trophy. You looked at him, appalled. 

“Why?”

“Think of it as a warranty. If you want these back, that means I’ll be seeing you again,” You chuckled at him, but you reached your hand out expectantly. He reluctantly gave it back. 

“Thank you sir,” you said, but as you reached out to grab it Jaemin grabbed your hand and pulled you into him instead. You had no time to adjust yourself as he kissed you ferociously, a clash of teeth and intensity. Something slid against your chest as Jaemin shoved some sort of paper into the top of your dress, biting your bottom lip teasingly before pulling away. 

“You know, the boys and I don’t stay in one place for very long,” Jaemin sighed, buttoning his pants and haphazardly fixing his hair. “Don’t be a stranger, got it? I’m expecting full compensation for my generosity—” It was your turn to cut him off as you kissed him, softer that time, savoring the feeling of the gentle kiss. You both melted into one another, falling even faster. 

“So are you going to, like, give me your number or something?” you asked, but Jaemin surprisingly shook his head. He must’ve seen the disappointment practically exuding out of you, but he only smiled and pet your hair affectionately. 

“I believe that those who are meant to be in my life will appear on their own. Or maybe I just love the chase,” Jaemin explained, and the look in his eyes told you to believe him. To trust him. “I’ll find you again, Y/n,”

“Well then, goodnight, Na Jaemin,” you called as you slowly slipped away from his touch, then his presence, until you walked out of the room with a stupid, gleeful smile stretched wide on your face. You pulled the paper out from your bra and laughed knowingly as you unfolded the amateur band poster. 

Hello Future: The Band 

Want us at a gig? Hit us up. We can drive.

Jaemin was left alone in the room, and he closed the door shut behind you and collapsed onto the mattress, the smell of your perfume encasing him. He stared up at the ceiling, the same goofy grin plastered on his face as well. 

Jaemin was convinced you were different. There was something about you that made him feel something he couldn’t shake, but it was quite possibly the most euphoric, thrilling emotion he’d ever experienced. He’d never looked so forward to seeing a hookup again, if that’s what he could call you. He’d never been completely sober after one of these stupid frat parties, either. 

He couldn’t get you out of his fucking head. Not that he minded much.

------------------------------

Jaemin was gone the next morning. It hadn’t been the plan to leave so soon, but the band was called back by their producer. Something about putting some new music out. 

You continued living your life without much of its normalcy being disrupted, but you wouldn’t lie and say you didn’t think about a certain black haired bassist from time to time. And, okay, maybe you searched up his band’s socials. Jaemin didn’t seem to have a personal account, though, which you were quite disappointed about. 

“Yeah, they’re pretty popular on the college party scene,” Hina said distractedly as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror, your older roommate much more acquainted with the boys’ reputation than you. It didn’t stop you from asking, but you left a few key details of that night to keep to yourself. “I heard they get paid a lot, too. Why were you asking?” 

“Just thought they were cool,” you replied nonchalantly. “You know how I am with music,” 

Hina hummed in reply. “I’m pretty sure Yangyang knows them. Probably produced a song for them once or twice. You should probably ask him, if you’re really interested,”

And ask Yangyang you did. 

“Are you really using me as a mutual friend right now?” he chastised, shaking his head as you trailed behind him like a sad puppy. 

“Oh, please, Yangyang. You should be glad I’m even speaking to you right now!” 

“Says the girl I had to drag out of bed after a massive hangover. I could’ve gotten kicked out if someone saw me on the girls’ floor. The things I do for you,” 

You sped up a little and parked yourself in front of the boy, forcing him to halt his steps. You rubbed your hands together pleadingly but only as a last resort. 

“If you have his number, I swear I will do anything,” 

“Anything?” the boy pondered, rubbing his chin in exaggerated interest. You slapped his hand away. “Ouch. What’s got you so interested in Jaemin anyway? Is it the tattoo? I bet it’s the tattoo—“ 

“I swear Yangyang, I’m about to tattoo a hand mark on your left ass cheek if you don’t—“ 

“My gosh! Keep you and your hands away from my money makers. I don’t even have his number, anyway. I do have Haechan’s, though. The vocalist with the killer voice,” 

“That’ll barely get me anywhere!” 

“Then I don’t know what to tell you. I’ll see you at the gig tonight though, yeah?” 

“Whatever. See? This is why you owe me,” 

“Of course, my beloved friend,”

“Shut up. It’s too early for this,” 

~ 

You were dressed to impress and by the time you had finished your makeup you realized all too late that you were running short on time. Yangyang was going to run your ear off if you weren’t punctual. 

“Have fun!” Hina called after you, hyping you up as you left the room stumbling to get your heels on. 

The club was dark, shadows packing every corner you could see through the entrance as you approached. You gave a dazzling smile to the familiar bouncer, Johnny, who gave you a fleeting grin, jutting his chin toward the side of the building before checking another ID. 

“There she is!” someone cheered just as you opened the door. Karina rushed up and wrapped her arms around you, the subtle scent of something sickeningly sweet encasing you. 

“Is it a pregame kind of night, Rina?” you chuckled, parting from your friend and sitting yourself in front of one of the vanity mirrors. The lighting aided you as you touched your makeup one last time, glancing at the clock and knowing the shift was about to begin. 

You carried a tray of empty martinis, balancing it on your forearm as you weaved your way through the tables. You approached the bar and knocked twice, signaling Doyoung’s attention. 

“Looking hot, Y/n” he teased, tossing you a napkin to dab on your sweaty forehead. 

“I’m about to get a lot more sweaty soon,” you sighed. Just as you finished, a majority of the large room grew pitch black as all of the fluorescent lights pointed toward the stage. They always put together the DJ set the nights you and your friends were scheduled, Yangyang standing behind the table as he spoke about the night only just beginning. 

There were cheers throughout the crowd as you made your way up to the stage, giving the crowd an endearing smile as you, Karina and Yeji got into formation. Yangyang pressed a button and the music came to life, and you danced like you always did—like you had bills to pay. 

After finishing your performance the three of you scrambled to collect the money scattering the floor, giving a quick wave and blowing a few kisses before sauntering off the stage and back into the dressing rooms. Yeji counted every bill and split it evenly between the three of you, satisfied with the amount. 

“It was a good night,” Karina commented, fanning her bills in her face with a smile. 

“That’s because they went crazy for your little solo,” you joked. “Anyways, I have to go. Don’t spend it all tonight, okay?” 

Your best friends only scoffed at you, giving you a hug and a kiss on the cheek before you stuffed the money in your bag and walked out. Just as you were about to approach Johnny and make small talk, a man stopped you in your tracks. You looked between him and Johnny with caution, but your friend had already noticed, inching  toward you slowly but intimidatingly. 

“Hello! I would like to introduce myself. My name is Park Yeojin and I work for a film studio,” he handed you his business card, and you took it.

“Uh, I’m Y/n,” you replied. He took your name in stride as he continued. 

“I’m actually in town on vacation, and I surely wasn’t planning to talk business while going out to the club with my friends, but I truly think you’re amazing. Stunning, really. Anyways, one of my business partners is shooting a music video, and I think you would be perfect as the starring role,” 

Johnny shot you a thumbs up with an amused expression as he backed off. You glanced down at the contact info in your hands. SM Filming Studios. Huh, seems legit enough. 

“Will I be getting paid?” you questioned, feeling embarrassed when the man simply laughed. 

“Oh honey, have you not heard of SM before? You’ll be paid generously, I’m sure,” he explained, adjusting his glasses, and you took notice of the expensive looking watch on his wrist. “The artists that hire us are household names, but you’ll be shooting with an up-and-coming group,” 

He leaned in closer, a smile on his face. “I think you’ll take a liking to them. Will you think about it and give me a call in the next couple of days? I anticipate that the film will be shot sometime next week,” 

“I sure will, Mr. Park,” 

~

“SM Film Studios. Please state your business,”

“Hi,” you answered nervously. “I was hoping I could speak with Mr. Park Yeojin?” 

“I’ll see if he’s in a meeting. Could I have your name, please?” 

“Y/n,”

“Thank you, if you could stay on the line—“ the receiver went dead for a moment, a popular radio song sounding. You had done some research on the company in hopes it would help you make your decision, so you were aware that this song was one that they had worked on. 

“Y/n! Pleasure to hear from you,” a voice boomed, one you recognized. “Here to bring me good news, right?” 

“Of course,” you grinned. “I’m on board with the project, if the offer still stands,” 

“Thank goodness! I took a gamble on you, you know. I convinced my coworker not to hold auditions, telling him that he needed to trust me that you were worth waiting for,” You were flattered by all of his praise, and it gave you a boost of confidence. You had doubted if you were worth this big-shot company’s time. 

“So, when do we start?” you asked. Being a college student, it was pretty easy to travel somewhere for a few days (as long as you forced Yangyang to take notes for you while you were gone). 

“Oh, that’s right. I’ll be needing to hand you over to Changmin for this. He’ll be the director and PD for the shoot. I’ll be giving him your information to contact you and I’ll go ahead and send the electronic paperwork over,”

“Thank you so much!” you gushed, providing your email address before hanging up. Your heart was racing and you were excited. Maybe this was the first step you needed to pursue a career in the entertainment business. 

You got Mr. Park’s message with the contracts and liability waivers, signing them quickly and sending them back. Your phone pinged and you checked it anxiously. 

Hello Y/n, this is Yoon Changmin. I hate to spring this on you fairly last-minute, but we are going to be shooting in our own studios. You should be able to access the address on our website, and there’ll be someone at the security gate to escort you to the correct place. Thank you, see you tomorrow. 

Tomorrow?

—---------------------------

You put your life on hold to make it to the set, not really sure what to wear, so you settled on something similar to what you might’ve worn to an audition. You pulled up in Karina’s car, your friend kindly letting you borrow it for the day, approaching the front gate after nearly an hour and a half of driving. 

“Name please?” the man asked, glancing down at his clipboard when you gave it. “Alrighty, that man over there in the gold cart will lead the way. Just follow him and park in one of the guest stalls,”

“Thank you so much,” you smiled, rolling your window back up and heading through the opening gate. It was easy enough to find parking, but you were quite nervous once you got out of the car. 

“Y/n! So nice to finally meet you,” a man spoke, approaching you with a black cap on his head. “I’m Changmin. We’re going to be sending you to the choreographer very quickly before we have the stylists work on you. You’re going to have to pick it up quickly,” he explained, walking with you toward the large building. You entered a small studio where the choreographer was waiting. 

“Hello, please warmup however you can. We’re going to need to go over this quickly,”

You barely stretched before she insisted you started. “Alright, the boys in the group already learned the choreography, but you’ll only be dancing with one of them. We’re going to run a few screen tests once they arrive, seeing who you look best with. As of right now, Mr. Yoon is thinking that Lee Jeno will be best,”

You nodded, staying professional. Lee Jeno? The group must be fairly new, because you didn’t seem to know who they were. 

The choreographer led you through the dance, helping you with the partner work and running the music with you. It was a nice song, but it was slower and more sensual, so you knew you had to match that energy with your moves. It was a good thing you worked in the night club so often, but then again, that must be why you were scouted in the first place.

“Amazing! Wonderful job, Y/n. You’re going to be the star of this video,” she gushed, leading you out the doorway and toward the vanity tables in another room. You froze, though, when you heard someone call your name. You turned around, your jaw dropping to the floor. 

“Jaemin?”

“Uh, do you guys know each other?” one of the four spoke, his dirty blond hair ruffled a bit about his head. You made eye contact with the sheepish Jaemin, telling him with your eyes to say something. 

“Yeah! We met at the party earlier last week. How are you?” he explained, approaching you alone and slinging an arm around your shoulders. You gawked at him in shock as he began walking the two of you the opposite direction, speaking to you when you were out of ear shot. 

“Holy shit, what are you doing here?” you gasped, laughing as you gave him a tight hug. He reciprocated, his grasp tight. 

“I should be the one asking you. This is my band’s music video, you know,” 

Realization set in. You couldn’t believe now that you had never asked who the artists actually were. You had no idea Hello Future were full blown artists like this, but then again, based on their social media following, maybe you should’ve figured it out on your own. Jaemin was watching you like he still couldn’t believe you were really standing in front of him. 

“So, uh, I was recruited by one of the SM studio employees when they watched one of my performances back at my home job,” you explained, giving him the entire story about how Mr. Park had approached you and set everything up. He looked impressed, about to say something, when he was interrupted. 

“Where are Jaemin and Y/n? We need to get them ready and get the ball rolling!” Mr. Yoon called out, Jaemin giving you a wink before the two of you jogged into the dressing room. 

The outfit the stylist picked out for you was simple—an all red ensemble and excessively chunky boots. You emerged from behind the curtains and saw the boys each had their own outfits, black leather and denim gracing their attractive features. One glance over Jaemin and you had to wipe the drool from your chin. 

“Alright, we’re going to begin filming everyone! Wait—boys! Eyes and ears here, please,” Mr. Yoon demanded, everyone turning to look at the four as they snapped their heads around from you to him. You snickered to yourself, watching them trying to brush it off. “For our staff, this song is called It Felt Like the World. It’ll be pretty steamy, I admit, but it’s all for the cameras right?”

You could feel Jaemin’s stare without even glancing at him. 

“We’re going to begin with the instrumental shots, so hopefully Y/n can go over the choreography a bit more. Don’t worry hun, you’ll do amazing,” Mr. Yoon encouraged, giving you a smile before settling back into his authoritative persona. Your choreographer approached kindly as the boys left for the huge red backdrop that already had an impressive stage and their instrumental set up. As you went over your choreography you heard several directions come from where they were filming, the drummer marking the 4-count before they began playing the song in real time. You paused for a moment and simply watched them, amazed by their passion. You watched them play the entire song, grinning at the fact that Jaemin took the lead vocal on the last four lines. When they hit the last beat and strummed the last note, Jaemin met your piercing gaze and smiled, snapping you back into reality as you bashfully turned away. 

“That was great guys! We might come back to this and film a couple more times but our cameramen need to reconstruct the blocking before we do. For now let’s decide on the male lead. Uh, any volunteers?” 

All the boys’ hands shot up immediately. 

“Okay then, uh, Yerin, could you consult with me?” he called to your choreographer, the two of them muttering to each other before he clapped his hands together and readdressed you all. “Well, Yerin thinks Jeno is best fit, so we’re going to feel it out and see what happens,” he concluded, and you looked over to see the drummer smile shyly. Ah, so this was Jeno. You were quite disappointed that it wasn’t Jaemin, but letting it affect your performance would simply be unprofessional. 

“We’re going to take five then film in set C,” 

You approached Jaemin as his band mates dispersed, watching him pout slightly. 

“If I’m the one who actually knows you, shouldn’t it be me?” he scoffed softly, making sure no one else overheard. You sighed with a smile on your face. 

“If it means anything, I was really hoping it would be you,” you replied, satisfied with the glow in his eyes. Jaemin was utterly tempted to touch you, maybe even kiss you, but this was no place for that. 

“It’s just that the lyrics are pretty—how do I say this—suggestive? I have a feeling you’re going to be putting on quite the show with Jeno,” he spat, jealousy rolling off of him in waves. Cute. 

“Jeno, Y/n, come here for a sec. We have to talk the beginning scene,” 

“That’s my cue,” you sighed, blowing him a little kiss as you walked over to Yerin and Mr. Yoon near set C. It was a fake bedroom, decorated to seem like one of the four actually lived in it. There were posters, the floor littered with some shoes and vinyls, an amp in the corner and a guitar hanging on the wall. 

“Okay, you guys are really going to have to channel your acting skills here. You two are supposed to be in love, but connected here in a bit of a sexual way. You’re both each other’s world. Convince us,” Mr. Yoon explained, your palms sweating. “Maybe do a bit of improvisation for us before we start filming. Give us something sexy, Jeno maybe you could dip into her neck for a close up shot,” 

You and Jeno turned to each other, Yerin and the director stepping out of the set and watching the two of you as you slowly approached the boy. He was extremely attractive, sure, but there was only one boy in your mind, and he was watching from the side. 

Jeno’s hands were a bit awkward as he grabbed your hips, pulling you closer as he avoided eye contact with you. 

“Look at her, Jeno! She’s your lover, not some stranger,” 

That was funny considering you actually were a stranger. Jeno looked into your eyes and took a calming breath, leaning forward and brushing his lips against your neck. 

“Okay, that’s better. Y/n, could you close your eyes?” 

You obeyed, finding that it was much easier to imagine it was Jaemin against you when you did so. Suddenly your fantasy was interrupted when Mr. Yoon’s voice made the both of you jump. 

“You have to move, Jeno. This isn’t a picture, this is a video!” Mr. Yoon sighed exasperatedly, rubbing his eyebrows in frustration. “Here, let me see. Jaemin, you’re standing here, why don’t we try that?” 

Your heart leaped with joy at his words. It was like the stars aligned perfectly for you. But then Jeno pulled away and gave you a subtle wink, and you realized it wasn’t luck that paired you and Jaemin together—they had planned all of this. You were sure if Mr. Yoon had vouched for any of the other three, they would have performed just as badly. Sneaky bastards, but praise them. 

Jaemin walked onto the set immediately, grabbing you by the waist as he looked down at you. 

“Yes! That’s it! Lean into him more Y/n, there you go. Yes, Yes!” Mr. Yoon clapped his hands together excitedly, Yerin giving the two of you a pointed smirk as she seemed to have caught on herself. “This is exactly what I imagined. Lights, get over here and shine some ‘sunlight’ through the window!”  

Mr. Yoon was so thrilled he was jumping all over the place, barking orders at his staff as they scrambled to create the perfect setting. Jaemin turned back to you and leaned in to whisper in your ear. 

“We won’t have to act at all, baby. This’ll be a breeze,” You couldn’t argue with that, pulling away as a few of the stylists rushed over to give the two of you a few touch ups before the cameras would begin rolling. 

“Okay, we’re going to start off with the pan on Jaemin’s face. Get a little closer, a little more, perfect! Okay, and… Action!” 

Jaemin approached you slowly, a dark look in his eyes as he gripped you by the waist and let you wrap your arms around his neck. He leaned in close and you felt his breath fan your skin. You shuddered in a way only noticeable to him, Jaemin’s smirk crawling over your neck as he moved to kiss it slowly. 

The rest of the shoot was, as he put it, a breeze.

———————————————

jaemin<3: hey gorgeous

jaemin<3: SM sent us the final draft of the mv, and they said i could send it to you 

jaemin<3: it came out great, all thanks to you

jaemin<3: video attachment

Jaemin had asked for your number at the end of the shooting day, insisting that he was now convinced that the universe had given him enough signs. You two had been texting and calling each other ever since. You clicked on the video link and turned up your volume, the music flooding your empty dorm. 

[a/n, please get your music apps out and play “It Felt Like the World” by DYSN] 

Adventure

The first shot was of you, a close up of your winding body as you danced in the center of a cluster of extras. The film was edited in slow motion, the colorful lights basking your face in an artificial glow as your intentionally smudged makeup caught light in the frame. 

Down your body, adventure

The scene cuts abruptly to you and Jaemin in “his bedroom”. He was descending his lips down your clothed body, the camera following his movements as his head eclipsed the light coming in from the window. 

Before the next line Jaemin could be seen in the club himself, pushing through the sea of bodies with his eyes trained on the camera—trained on you. 

She said, “Don’t stop unless I tell you, tell you,” 

You had been instructed to lip sync to the lyrics in real time, your glossy lips mouthing the words as you were dancing with Jaemin. The two of you put on the choreography well, moving as one against each other. It was steamy, his hands trailing down your body as you slinked around him like a snake. 

But you ain’t said a word

Not a word

Things took a turn, as you expected, the scene of you pushing Jaemin backwards in his room as he stumbled, stunned. You two appeared to be arguing about something—well, more like you were yelling at him and he couldn’t get any words out. It was a depiction of a guy that couldn’t fight for his relationship. 

You were walking toward the door furiously when he grabbed onto your arm desperately. He turned you around and pulled you close, his lips trailing down your neck feigning apology as the camera followed. Your face contorted with conflicting thoughts. 

Then she whispered, “kiss me”

Your eyes were borderline teary, Jaemin pulling back to look into them. 

“Darling, kiss me, take me”

Jaemin did. He kissed you and the passion was evident through the screen. Your heart fluttered as you watched, giving you a third party view as Jaemin’s lips melded with yours. It came across as distressed, like he was trying to tell you everything he couldn’t bring himself to say. 

When we were 17, it felt like the world

You two were making amends, a cultivation of smiles and laughs shared between you two. He twirled you around, you two laid in his bed as he played with your hair, you smiled at him as he caressed his nose with yours. 

It felt like the world

The long instrumental took up the last half of the song, the video panning between the band and you two driving in a car together with the sunset apparent through the windows. He glanced over at you with one hand on the wheel. You caught him staring and smiled. Everything was perfect about the long, slowed clip, the two of you staring lovingly as the perspective shot from the backseat forward. He reached over to grab your hand, kissing your knuckles, and then the screen went black. 

Hello Future: The Band

It Felt Like the World 

You watched it twice more, fully embracing the beauty of the video. Any opportunity you had to book a gig was exciting, but this one was special, you knew, because you cherished the boy alongside you. Jaemin had guided you through the tough acting scenes, letting you feed off of his energy, taking the initiative but still letting you shine on your own. 

you: wow jaem, it’s beautiful 

you: the song is so wonderful, and Mr. Yoon really captured it well

The three little dots appeared immediately. Jaemin had been waiting (im)patiently for your reaction. 

jaemin<3: you were the one who made it special, y/n

jaemin<3: it’ll be posted in two hours

jaemin<3: call me later, yeah? i have to go for now, i’m in a press meeting :(

you: of course. have fun!

[read: 4:02 pm]

You tossed your phone beside you on your bed, giggling like a teenage girl. 

~

haechanfever127: god this music video is so beautiful. i’m so proud of the boys for making this amazing song!

jenojam: wow~ to be this girl! 

renjuniiee: i’m a new fan after listening to this song. it’s all over the radio, and it’s almost getting overplayed (not that it ever could lol) 

You were scrolling through the comments under the video, a week after its release. You were incredibly giddy about the whole thing. You convinced yourself that maybe this was finally your shot, and you were unbelievably happy for the boys. The song was topping charts worldwide. 

luvforjaem: i wonder if this song was written about jaemin’s girlfriend. weird that she wasn’t the one in the video, though. 

You froze, staying on that comment for a long while as you reread the words in hopes to process them. In a flash you opened your web browser and searched up “na jaemin girlfriend” (admittedly not one of your proudest moments) and was shocked by the amount of headlines that popped up. You clicked on the first one. 

Breakout Band HELLO FUTURE’s Na Jaemin Spotted With Labelmate Kira Outside of Company Building

#ThingsAreGettingSteamy! #GlobalPlayboy

There was a large image attached at the very top of the article, and your heart dropped. He was wearing a black cap that covered his eyes, but the girl in the photo was unmistakably pressed against Jaemin’s body, smiling up at him with his face out of view. 

You didn’t want to, but you proceeded to read the report. 

By now we’ve all heard about this new global boy band. With faces that make the girls swoon, it’s no surprise that they might be in relationships! Na Jaemin, the star of their hit music video It Felt Like the World was photographed getting a bit close with fellow labelmate and established pop singer Kira outside of their company building. Reporters say they were getting touchy before Jaemin sent Kira off in a taxi. Whew, girls, what boyfriend material! They make a beautiful couple, don’t you think? 

Buzz is already forming around the new pair, fans either gushing over their perfect image or sad that they couldn’t snatch him up first. What do you think? Will their relationship last? Vote below! 

There was a little poll at the bottom with a YES or NO option. Always petty, you furiously tapped the NO button until the graph hauntingly revealed the overwhelming amounts of YES’s. You threw your phone across the room and screamed into your pillow. 

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz…

Ding! Ding! 

You lifted your head and looked over at your phone sitting face down on your rug, shooting daggers into it. Reluctantly, you got off your bed and picked it up. 

[1] Missed call from jaemin<3

[2] Message from jaemin<3

You scowled, tapping his notification to see what he had to say. 

jaemin<3: hey, can you call me back? 

jaemin<3: please

You debated for a long while, even though you knew he could see that you read his message. When he started typing again, you pressed the call button. 

“Y/n?”

“What.”

He was silent for a moment. 

“I’m guessing you saw the article,” 

“I did,” 

Jaemin sighed, his eyes squeezing shut as he thought of what to say. Did he tell you his truth, or his company’s truth? He didn’t know. 

“Are you upset with me?” he asked, hoping that if you were, it would be worth it to tell you straight up. Maybe, he thought, he could find a reason.

You were silent for a while—for too long. You were trying to find the words to say. I mean, what could you really tell him at this point? It’s not like you two were together. Plus, now he’s dating a beautiful, talented, famous celebrity. So that smaller part of you, the one that wanted to scream at him for being with another girl when all you wanted was him, was suppressed. 

“Why would I be upset? I’m sure the video’s racking up more views as we speak, Jaem,”

The affectionate name broke his heart. “I just thought—”

“You don’t have to think about anything. This is great for the band and for me. I can get more job opportunities if the video blows up, right?” you chuckled, but the conversation went dead for a moment as you both sat with bated breaths. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I hope to see you on the front page of a magazine sometime soon,” Jaemin replied. He tried to keep the defeat out of his voice when you sounded so chipper. “You’ll be miss bigtime performer and I’ll have to beg you to be in another music video,” 

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” you sighed. 

“Yeah, me too,”

When you gave your formal goodbyes and the phone call ended, you both knew there were things that had been left unsaid and feelings still lingering. Neither of you could bring yourselves to open up, and for a long while after, there were no messages and calls exchanged. 

~

“You mean to tell me that you haven’t spoken to him once since then?” Yangyang asked incredulously, turning from his computer to actually look at you and digest the situation. 

“Yeah,” you sighed, picking at your nails distractedly. “But I made a promise to myself never to read any articles on him for the rest of my life,”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Yangyang agreed with a nod, the sound of his video game menu filling the silence as he paused. “Do you still think about him?”

He was treading lightly with his words, but he didn’t need to. 

“Sometimes,” you replied, finally looking up from your hands and giving a small, content smile. “I mean, I barely knew the guy, and what I got from the experience was far beyond just Jaemin. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what it was like being on set, being around those people and how much I loved it,”

“Good for you,” he smiled. “Like, for real. I’m happy you feel that way. I don’t know if I’ll ever be as mature as you,”

“You won’t”

“Way to ruin the moment. This is what I get for being nice to you,”

~

“I hope they’re happy,” Jaemin muttered, tossing his bag down roughly as he stormed into the band’s apartment. Renjun was the only one there, Haechan and Jeno having gone off somewhere together, and the boy watched Jaemin with pity. “I hope everyone who had a part in this gets their bank account drained,”

“I’m really sorry, man. I know it’s hard right now, but maybe it’ll all work out in the end,” Renjun consoled, scooting over on the couch so Jaemin could collapse beside him. “But, Y/n really was cool,” he admitted. 

Jaemin huffed in frustration, his hands running rampant over his face and through his hair. His jaw was clenched as he stared down at his feet with his head between his hands. 

“Do you think it’ll be worth it?” Jaemin murmured. Renjun sighed as he leaned back, staring up at the blank ceiling. 

“I sure hope so, Jaemin,” he said. “I really do,” 

———————————————

3 years later

———————————————

“Well, look who it is!” someone called, and you turned toward the voice with a beaming smile. You hadn’t known she would be here. 

“It’s been so long!” you chirped, reaching out and hugging Yerin. She chuckled before pulling away. 

“I almost didn’t recognize you with the new hair,” she laughed, nodding toward your red strands. “I like it. It really screams: Dior’s New It-Girl,” 

“Oh, stop it,” you blushed. Yerin looked like she was going to say more, but another woman approached and coaxed her away. She gave you a warm, apologetic smile before you were left alone once again. You figured it would be best to find your seat now as the venue had become much too crowded, and you knew you would have to entertain a few conversations along the way. 

A couple years back, you never knew you would be sitting in the front row of an exclusive Christian Dior fashion show, but here you were. Since the music video had blown up, kickstarting your career, you’d graduated college while simultaneously juggling all the job opportunities you’d gotten. They’d started off simple, with things like small product advertisements to showcase to your growing social media following. Then you’d gotten a call from a technology company asking if you could be in their headphones commercial, then booked a gig with a video game company to be the model for one of their characters, and then, one of your favorites—being asked to fly out of the country to be part of the main cast on a travel-based reality show that just got renewed for a third season. 

Eventually you found yourself here, a special guest at your fashion ambassador’s Summer Collection show, having just walked down the very same runway a few months before for their Spring Lookbook. 

And you were never a fan of the press, but once in a while you’d come across an article or a magazine with your face on it, and you could never help reading the headlines. 

Y/n: The Next Big Thing and Why You Should Be Paying Attention to Her.

New Hit Reality Show ‘Border Crossing’ Features a Funny, Fresh Face. 

And most recently, Christian Dior’s New It-Girl. 

You might know her because she’s all everyone’s been talking about, but we promise she didn’t appear out of thin air. We recently interviewed Y/n asking her about what her journey to stardom has been like. “Thrilling”, she said. “I still wake up in the morning and wonder if any of this is real,”

Well, it sure is! It seems like she’s the only one that can’t believe her own success. After a private call with a Dior team member, our reporter found that Y/n is well known in the entertainment world as being extremely professional, easy to work with, and quite charming among the staff. Just this past May, she could be seen studying for her university classes during a photoshoot! Your turn to take notes, everyone. This is how to be a multi-million dollar model, actress, and the nation’s darling. 

Your on-brand dress was elegant but a bit extravagant, and you found it hard to move around as you tried your best to weed gracefully through the crowd. Your reserved seat was near the center of the right wing of chairs, on the complete opposite side of where you stood now. You were passing the entrance when a commotion came from outside. 

High pitched screams could be heard and many turned their heads to watch the scene unfold, a series of cameras flashing trying to capture whoever it was approaching the building. There were shouts from the photographers but too many to make out what they were saying, and in a rush to get by, you nearly stumbled whilst crossing the bit of red carpeting that reached past the doors. 

Someone grabbed your hand to steady you, and you looked up to see a familiar face. 

“Woah there, we can’t have the face of the brand falling, can we?” 

“Thank you, Hyunjin,” 

Hwang Hyunjin was your equal, the male ambassador of the brand to match yourself in the countless campaigns that featured your high profile faces. You’d done several shoots with him before, and he was always very courteous, and had intimidated you at first with how experienced he was. He had always been a model, but with his face and talent he was able to make an enormous name for himself on social media and became one of the most sought after male models in the industry. Dior was simply able to snatch him up before anyone else could. 

You gave him a grateful smile, letting his hand continue to hold yours as you subtly regained your balance. But, in a matter of seconds, the cloak of whispers from the guests around you brought you back to where you were. And when you took just one second to reestablish your surroundings, you realized someone was standing just a short length away, stopped on the red path having been blocked by you and Hyunjin. 

The first thing you saw was the snake tattoo running down his neck. 

Neither you or Jaemin made any reaction as you made eye contact. His black hair was kept a tad longer and he wore a simple black suit that somehow made him look intimidating, and it was the serious impression you got from him that truly made him feel like a stranger. You didn’t realize until Hyunjin led you away that you had subconsciously gripped the poor man's hand firmly. 

“They sat us together, right? Let me help you,” 

You vaguely heard Hyunjin speaking to you, your mind stuck in the gutter. You hadn’t seen Jaemin in years, much less within that close of a proximity. You were already lost back into the crowd and you knew looking back would be worthless, but the muscles in your neck were tingling with how badly you wanted to. 

How has he been? How were the others? A million questions were racing through your mind but only one in particular resonated within you. 

Does he still think about you? (Like you’ve thought about him?)

You don’t pine over him anymore, and you’re unphased when another one of the band’s hits plays on the radio, but you’ve become a different person in many ways. At random moments, on random days, you wonder if he ever follows your trail to stardom. You wonder if he sees your face on the city’s billboards, if he’s watched your show. You question if he’s proud of where you’ve gotten; if mega-popstar Na Jaemin ever reads an article and feels happy for you.

You have no time to continue fretting about the situation once Hyunjin finds your seats, and you’re forced to push the thoughts out of your head and focus on the task at hand. For the entire night there will always be a pair of eyes on you, and you must act accordingly. You're mentally switching yourself back to work-mode as the lights dim and the runway comes alive. 

There’s a series of formal speeches and grateful welcomings from the designer, and soon the first model makes their way from backstage wearing the collection’s signature diamond motif print. A round of applause sounds as the fashion show is now underway. 

A figure walks from across the strip of marble and it catches your attention, your resolve wavering as Jaemin takes the seat directly across from you. You’re both facing each other this way, and you don’t spare him another glance as you return your sights back on the next model. Karina struts down the aisle wearing a large, lavish hat, and it’s so big that it masks her intentional wink as she passes your seat. 

Sixteen models later, and you feel the grim, horribly specific, unignorable stare. With just a fleeting glance forward, you’re able to confirm that Jaemin is not in fact watching the show. He’s too busy watching you. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin whispered, leaning over to speak into your ear. “Mr. Beccari is going to be at the after party. We should probably show our faces, even just for a little while,” 

You simply nodded, knowing the after parties played a key role in making connections. Anyone worth your time would be there, and even if it was exhausting, you would make an appearance. 

You kept yourself fully focused on the models for the rest of the show, sparing not even a flicker of the eyes toward Jaemin for the rest of the night. You weren’t sure why you were so hostile towards him even after all these years, but making a name for yourself meant learning when not to be walked over. 

The weather was nice, the outdoor venue for the post-runway show cast in a golden glow from the lights strung above the heads of the high class group mingling over champagne and appetizers. You and Hyunjin walked in together as instructed by the PR manager, letting the photographers capture the two of you gliding along arm in arm. Your red hair was left down tonight, blowing rampant but gorgeously with the light winds. 

A mass of people crowded around the two of you upon your arrival, talking courteously about nothing important at all. You pasted a smile on your face and tried your best to keep your mind blank. 

“Is that from the Fall 2005 collection? One of my favorites, dear,” your creative director noted, eyeing your dress with approval. She was never one to give many compliments, so you took this one with pride. 

“I prefer what you wore in the spring,” 

You turned to the newcomer, who was standing just over your shoulder, Jaemin’s warm hand brushing politely over your forearm before retracting just as quickly. He was smiling over at the director, but he stood impossibly close to you without any hint of second thought. 

The director clapped her hands together in giddy satisfaction. “Oh, how wonderful! Our celebrity ambassadors standing together,” Your eyes widened when you processed her words, turning to Jaemin in disbelief. He’s a Dior ambassador now?

“I’m glad to be working with a friend,” Jaemin chuckled, referring to you without sparing you a glance. He led the conversation with the director for a while before she departed to take a phone call, leaving you two alone. Jaemin circled your figure until he stood in front of you, a smile on his lips that was almost insulting. 

“Friend, huh?” you joked lightly, though the undertone in your statement didn’t go unnoticed. There were some murmurs sounding around the two of you, making you aware that this wasn’t just a private conversation. The two ambassadors were talking; the two of you were talking. That deserved attention. 

“This is my second time seeing you tonight, and I still have yet to receive a greeting,” 

“I was occupied with other matters,” you replied, your blood nearly boiling at his comment, but you couldn’t muster anything but shock at the moment. He looks good, you thought. Older. With the way you were studying him, Jaemin looked away for a second, finally a break in his indifference. You watched him swallow harshly, eating away words you’d never get to hear. 

Fuck, Jaemin cursed to himself. One little look from you and he was looking for an escape. 

“How is the band doing?” you asked. It was all just meaningless catching up, but maybe this was your sneaky way of asking how he was. 

“Not as good as you,” he replied politely. “You’ve been everywhere,” 

“I guess so,” you hummed, feeling the conversation beginning to die. Your torn heart wanted him to walk away and stay all at the same time. You wanted him to let you grab another glass of champagne but you wanted him to take you home. What was he thinking? What was going on inside of the head of a boy you never really knew, and why did it still feel like you’ve known him your entire life? 

“Are you still dancing?” he asked. You were glad that he asked, but now you were convinced he didn’t keep up to date on much of your activities. You had been hired as a guest judge on a popular dance competition show just a few months back. 

That was the only episode Jaemin had ever watched, but the question was just to lead into what he would say next. 

“Yeah, occasionally,” you answered. Your mood had noticeably soured, but Jaemin perked up with a glimmer of hope. 

“We’re recording a new album,” he explained casually, but his heart was pounding. “I think we’ll be taking the tour out of the country,”

“That’s amazing,” you commented. Your voice lacked the enthusiasm he had hoped for. Jaemin was starting to doubt himself, and once he started, he could never stop. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” He cleared his throat in discomfort, looking anywhere but at you. You took it as a sign to exit the conversation. 

“I’ll see you around then,” you offered, catching yourself when you overthought how you might have come across. “At these Dior events, I mean,” Jaemin only nodded and you gave him a small smile as you turned, but he spoke up in a flurry of courage before you could walk away. 

“We’re looking for an opening act for the tour,” he blurted, his fist clenching at his side in embarrassment for what he’d said. You paused with your head down for a moment, hearing the offer he had subtly given, turning back to him with a fleeting grin. 

“Well, I hope you find one,” 

You excused yourself first. 

———————————————

You never thought you would stoop this low. You’d never wanted to find yourself in this position, sitting on your bed, staring down at your phone like an immature kid. Your finger was hovering over the follow button, Jaemin’s profile picture staring at you as if he was judging you, too. 

You bit your lip, unnecessary stress filling you, and you went over the pros and cons. 

Pros: He could follow you back. 

Cons: He could not follow you back. 

Okay, maybe this was immensely stupid. You grit your teeth, your eyes squinting as you winced, your finger tapping the screen as the blue bar turned white. The world seemed to stop for a moment, until you shut your phone off and pounced to the other side of the bed like it had burned you. You couldn’t bear to look over at the device, groaning with regret. 

He has millions of followers. He’s never going to see yours. And even if he did, he might not even decide to follow you back! He only follows twenty two people. The odds did not seem to be in your favor. 

Ding!

You reached your phone with alarming speed, the notification flooding your senses. 

na.jaemin0813 followed you. 

You screamed into your pillow. In private, of course. You hoped this entire experience would be forgotten by you so no one on the planet would know it had ever happened. 

Somehow, just seconds after he followed you, you received an influx of followers who all seemed to come from his profile. You received likes and comments, too. 

bobajaem08: new girlfriend?? O.o

          → hellofuture444: isn’t she the one from the IFLTW mv? 

          → heychan_: does that mean they still keep in touch?

          → fashion1sta: don’t you know? they’re both Dior ambassadors now 

Ding!

DIOR brand ambassadors!

Link to article

Hello Future’s Na Jaemin Has Recently Become a Part of the Dior Family, Alongside Old Friend Y/N. 

Can you think of a timeline better than this? We sure can’t. Na Jaemin, popular bassist from the global band Hello Future has recently been announced as a brand ambassador for Dior, alongside company favorite, Y/n. 

Remember the hit It Felt Like the World? Well, that was when the pair first met! According to inside sources from the music video’s production team, sparks were flying on the set all those years ago! Does this call for a rekindling between the now global mega-stars? Two single, attractive individuals… subscribe to our newsletter to get the latest news on celebrity love life! You might just receive breaking news on developments between the two.

Do you think there’s a chance for romance between these hot celebs? Vote down below! 

“Old friend”? What a load of shit. You hadn’t spoken to the guy for three years until that night, and there were already romance rumors flying about. You knew this was a part of being in the spotlight, but it still felt strange as you stared at the photo. (You two did look good together, though.)

You hadn’t kept up with Jaemin’s love life since your falling out, so this was really the first time it was confirmed to you that he was single. Not that it meant anything to you. Right? Right. 

A few hours later you’d gotten a call from your agent, something about how you were blowing up since the rumors started coming about. 

“This might be good for us,” she urged, despite knowing what had happened between the two of you. You and Sooyoung were very close, and she’d been taking care of you for years. “You should repost his story, spark some more conversation,” 

“What story?” you asked, pulling the phone away from your ear and clicking around to find his profile. You’d gotten so many notifications in the last couple of hours that you must have skipped over this one. It was a photo of a Dior package he must have received as a gift from the company with some words down at the bottom. 

So excited to be a part of such an amazing brand. Thank you @Dior and @Y/n for welcoming me into the family. <3

You were tagged in this story. Repost? 

“You can choose to do whatever you want, but it would be best if you let it be known to the public that you two are friends,” Sooyoung explained. You sighed in contemplation. 

~

“Okay, what about this? ‘Falling in and out of love and falling in again’... Does that even make any sense?” 

Haechan and Renjun were going over some melodies and lyrics—Jeno taking a nap in the corner—while Jaemin was scrolling mindlessly on his phone. 

“Hey, lover boy, we need to finish the first verse. And seeing as you have some new inspiration—ow!” Jaemin had thrown a chip right for Haechan’s head, the boy shooting him a deadly look but popping it into his mouth just to spite him. 

Jaemin’s phone buzzed but he didn’t glance at it yet, staring off into space as he went over the melody. He knew what he wanted to say through this song, and apparently it would be one he would receive many lines for. This was going to be, simply put, Jaemin’s song on the album. He got up and walked over to the two, grabbing the notebook and scrawling a couple lines. 

‘Til that night last summer, when you reappeared

Forgot how bad I wanted this.

Jaemin went back to his seat as Renjun read the lyrics out loud. They seemed more than satisfied. 

“Perfection,” Jeno called from the ground, everyone ignoring his sudden outburst. When had he even woken up? Jaemin went onto his feed and clicked on what had notified him earlier. 

@y/n reposted your story. 

So excited to be working with you again. 

<3. 

Jaemin smiled. “Hey, guys, I might have a couple more lines for you,” 

———————————————

“Y/n! Y/n! How does it feel to be at the BT Music Awards?”

“Is this your first time presenting an award?”

“Y/n! Hello Future is in your category! Do you think they will win?” 

The cameras were blinding as you were being ushered into the back of the building, several guards escorting you toward the set. The award show was already underway, and you were notified to make your way backstage so you could prepare for the category you would be presenting. 

BT Music Awards was one of, if not the most anticipated show in the award season of music. Everyone who was anyone attended the event, and you had surprisingly and excitingly been invited as one of the MC’s for one of the biggest awards of the night. A famous soloist was performing while you exited, giving you enough time to enter through the back. 

“Here are your cue cards, oh, and please take the envelope. Do not open it until you are announcing the winner, and make sure to pause before reading it to create anticipation. The trophy will be on the pedestal when you get there, so just hand it to the winner when they come up onto the stage,” 

There were hundreds of people bustling around behind the stage, talking into ear pieces and rushing to get things to run smoothly. A man handed you your script and led you through the chaos until you reached a small flight of stairs where you could reach up and nearly touch the screen serving as a backdrop on the stage. The music was blaringly loud but the song being performed was quite catchy, yet all of it was tuned out as you wiped your sweaty palms on your dress. 

“Don’t be nervous,” the man assured you as he began to walk away, likely tasked with another job that he didn’t have the time to wait there with you. “You’ll do great,”

All you could give him was a sheepish smile as the song ended and the performer began to head off stage, waving to the audience as the commercial break started. 

“Kira is off-stage, I repeat, Kira is off-stage,” 

“Wow,” the girl panted, fanning her face as crew members swarmed her, taking the microphone and such. You stood awkwardly on the side, trying to avoid eye contact. To no avail. She squealed and you glanced toward her, suddenly alarmed as she was walking toward you. 

“Hello! Are you presenting the final award? That is so exciting!” she was much prettier up close, you thought, and she bowed to you as Kira introduced herself. “I have to admit, I’ve always wanted to meet you. I just think you’re so talented, and gorgeous, too,”

“Uh, thank you! That was an amazing performance,” you replied, giving her a small smile. Why did she have to be so nice? 

“Well, I messed up a couple notes, so I’m sure there’ll be some people ridiculing me online. What can you do, right? Oh! The break is over. Good luck!” 

And with that, she disappeared down the hallway, and you were alone once again. A woman gestured for you to walk out, and you took a deep breath knowing you had no other choice. 

You put on a smile and waved out into the black void as you strutted along the enormous stage, and you could barely see anyone but the celebrity section from your spot in the center. Your hands were shaking slightly as you handled the cards, moving the microphone downwards so you could reach it properly. You read your script word for word. 

“What a long night it has been, and the academy would like to thank everyone for being here with us tonight. Now, I know everyone is waiting for the big prize to be awarded, so let’s see the nominees for Artist of the Year,” 

You were instructed to pause, and the production team would play the prerecorded video of all the artists in the category. You switched to the envelope, holding it there and waiting for the final moment. 

“Nominees for the Artist of the Year award. TY…” Every time a new artist was announced, the crowd would cheer. The list was full of star-studded musicians, but you waited with anticipation for your secret, personal favorite. “...Hello Future,” 

The video shut off and the cameras went back to you, and you slowly opened the envelope as the entire arena seemed to fall silent. The name was tucked into the card and you had to slide it out to read it, and your heart skipped a beat as you smiled. 

“And the winner of the Artist of the Year award is,” you paused, looking directly into the camera as you felt a rush of pride flow through you. “Hello Future!” 

Immediately the crowd fell into an uproar of cheers and applause as music was played and confetti began to fall from above. You almost forgot to grab the trophy with all the mayhem, and the cameras panned to the four boys from their seats near the front of the stage. You watched as they moved into a group hug with excited and shocked expressions, celebrating with one another as they finally made their way up to you. 

And of course, the other three stepped behind as Jaemin came to you first, taking the trophy from you with a beaming smile. He faced away from the audience as he did, winking at you as his hands lingered on yours for only a second. You forced yourself not to react on live television, walking to the side as they began their acceptance speech. 

They thanked many people from their company and their fans, talked about their hardships and how they’ve managed to make it this far. They took turns speaking and Haechan looked like he might have been crying. 

“And, we’d like to thank our dear friend, Y/n, for presenting this award to us. She’s one of the few people who have been with us since the beginning. With that, we’d like to thank everyone who had never doubted us, and we’ll continue to work hard for all of you. Thank you again,” Jeno finished, and the music returned as you motioned for them to follow you off the stage. Renjun sped up to walk beside you as you gave him a small side hug, congratulating him with a warm grin. The back of the stage was much less busy now that the show had finished, and the man from before had returned. 

“See? I told you it would work out,” he said, taking the cards from you. You glanced over his name tag with fleeting interest. Announcement Director, Kim Doyoung. 

“All thanks to you guys behind the scenes,” you replied with a smile, catching your breath after that intense, amazing moment. You turned to the rest of the boys and gave them your congratulations, but Doyoung tapped you lightly on the arm. He was listening to someone on his earpiece, beckoning for you to follow him down the hall. 

“You’ll be waiting in this room while the staff prepares the press walk. Sorry, we were going to escort you back to your seat, but there are no guards available at the moment,” 

“I can escort you,” someone called, Jaemin casually trailing behind the two of you. Doyoung gave him a polite smile as you inched away. 

“Of course, but unfortunately you qualify as ‘guarded’, not ‘guard’. If you’d like, you and your bandmates are welcome to wait in a room as well,” Doyoung opened the door to your room, shutting it behind you. You couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation, but you walked over to the small vanity to gather yourself. The dark rumble of the audience was so loud you could hear it from backstage, light pop beats bleeding through the cracks under the door. The atmosphere was so silently loud that you hadn’t heard anyone enter. 

“What a night,” 

You whipped around, surprised yet unsurprised to see Jaemin standing in your doorway, letting the door swing shut on its own. He had taken off his suit jacket and abandoned it in another room, his jarring silver undershirt unbuttoned several times down. You didn’t know how to reply to his comment, so he continued. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” he offered. He was opening himself up to you just by approaching you, you thought. You wouldn’t doubt that it took some courage to continue to stand before you like this, time and time again. 

“Thank you, Jaemin,” you replied. Your manicured nails were soothingly sharp as you scratched at your palm nervously. His gaze was lethal as he scanned every inch of you. 

“Could I ask you a question?” he blurted, but even in his moment of panic, he was calm. The air in the room suddenly filled with tension and anticipation. “But I have to warn you, it’s pretty introspective, so I guess you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” 

You didn’t know where any of this was going, and his foreshadowing was concerning. You’d never seen Jaemin like this, and that made you vulnerable to his unpredictability. But, you would never be able to help yourself, so you nodded. 

“Do you think,” he paused, hesitating. “Do you think that people can come back from anything?” 

You studied him. “What do you mean by that?” He seemed reluctant to explain himself, as if he worded the question vaguely on purpose. 

“Like, let’s say someone did something fucked up, and they want to redeem themself. Is it too… optimistic to believe that it’s possible?” Jaemin had traveled further away from the door as the conversation played out, close enough for you to reach him if you extended your arm forwards. 

“I never thought that I would be one to say that things are impossible,” you began. You were going to entertain his worries and regrets, if only to reach into his closed off mind. “But I’ve learned that sometimes you have to stop expecting from other people that things will ever change,” 

“Hm,” he hummed, absorbing your answer. He moved just a little closer, his eyes cast down to his shuffling feet. Mentally slapping himself, he forced his eyes up to meet yours. “And, well, what might you expect from me?” 

Your answer came faster than either of you expected. “I don’t know, Jaemin. I just don’t know you anymore, and I don’t think I ever did,” 

Jaemin was silent for a moment, and in a moment of impulse, he turned on his heels and walked away. Your eyes were blurry as you watched his quick strides towards the door, and he swung it open so harshly that you even watched him turn to his left down the hallway. The room was quiet once again, and you slowly made your way to the open entrance so you could close it. For good this time. 

But when the door was only inches from being closed, you were forced backwards as it was pushed open by a pair of frantic hands. You were turned around and pressed against the cool metal, your back erupting in chills as Jaemin caged you in with his panting body. He stared into your eyes for only a few measly seconds before crashing his lips into yours. 

He was pushing and prodding against your mouth and your body as he sought to be as close to you as possible. His cold fingers held your face still for him to seek comfort in your reciprocation, and he got what he had wanted. No matter what you said, and no matter what your brain told you to say, you would always kiss him back. 

You were both short on breath but wouldn’t dare to stop, moaning and grunting into each other as your hips couldn’t escape the proximity. His body was pressed flat against yours, and he reached down to grab your hips as you draped your arms around his neck. He seemed to enjoy how you pulled at his hair.  

Using his hold on you, Jaemin led your bodies further into the room and sat himself on a chair, instinctively pulling you on top of him. Your short dress rode up as you straddled his hips, and you shuddered as his hands met the skin of your thighs. Hesitantly, you reached up and unbuttoned his shirt a few times down, running your fingers over his chest. He was breathing heavily now, chasing your lips in desperation. You moved together easily, messily. 

He pulled back slightly, both your eyes still closed, and he whispered against your lips for a moment. “Y/n,”

You snapped out of your trance the moment you heard him call out to you. Suddenly, the reality of the situation crashed down on you, and you hopped off of him in a rush to escape. Jaemin should’ve been, but he wasn’t surprised as he watched you, slumped back against the seat with his legs spread, his chest heaving as his breath fanned the messy strands of hair falling over his face. 

“I—I don’t,” It took a while for you to gather your thoughts, and he seemed to wait impatiently, hanging onto every word. “I don’t want to keep playing this game,” 

And just like that, Jaemin became a stranger once again. He stood up and fixed his shirt, his eyes glazing back over in a flash of recomposure. You knew you ruined something in him, but you had to do it to save yourself. 

“This isn’t a game, Y/n. Don’t you realize that? I’m not playing with you,” 

He walked over to the vanity, and you watched as Jaemin leaned down to see himself in the mirror, brushing a hand through his hair and wiping the red tint staining his lips. 

“But if I wanted to be with you, I would. And I’m not,” he finally replied. Your chest began to deflate. In your flurry of heartbreak, a new feeling emerged. One you’d never felt for the man in front of you before. 

Jaemin turned to you as your heels hit the ground harshly, walking up to him with determination. “You know, Jaemin, it’s okay if you don’t want me,” His face was a mix of masked confusion as you spoke with an eerie sense of calmness. “But you can’t keep reminding me of it. You don’t seem to realize what that can do to a person. To me,” 

At that point, tears were falling down your face, and you knew that was your cue. You didn’t want Jaemin to see you cry for him. He didn’t deserve it. You were angry, furious, and you knew it would only fester into a ball of flames if you didn’t get away from his hell. 

“Get the fuck out,” you whispered, turning away from him. You heard him hesitate, you convinced yourself he hadn’t touched your arm in comfort, and you didn’t look back when his fingers dropped from your skin and the door finally closed shut. 

~

“What are you even talking about, man? You know we can’t do that,”

“And why the fuck not?” Jaemin huffed, his fingers dancing anxiously on the bottle of alcohol sitting in front of him, the glass turned warm from how long he had been draped over the kitchen counter in defeat. 

“They’re our lifeline, you know. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them,” Renjun argued, his head in his hands as he tried to figure out how to mend this situation. “You just need to calm down and get yourself together, alright?”

“Don’t you think I’ve been trying? They’re corrupt, Renjun. We can’t keep letting them do this shit,” 

“Maybe we need to find an alternative, though,” Jeno reasoned, much calmer than the boy beside him. Haechan had been silent since Jaemin’s proposal, and it was worrisome for the other three. Haechan always had something to say.

“Just think about it,” Jaemin pleaded. He had never been so set on anything in his life. “Think about all the shit we’ve had to deal with over the years. We’ve been little chess pieces for them to control,” 

“That’s life, Jaemin. We signed up for this,” Renjun huffed, but his resolve was wavering. There was a point to be made even if Jaemin was being irrational. “And don’t get me wrong, we all know what they’ve put you through. I’m not saying it isn’t fucked up, but what other choice do we have? I just feel sorry that it always seems to be you,” 

The room fell silent, their usually bustling apartment reaching a point of uncomfortable stillness. And then, Haechan finally spoke up. “I’m with Jaem,” 

The other three turned to the boy in surprise, but Haechan’s gaze had a look of unwavering determination as he stared out the window. 

“In the end, it will always come down to the four of us. If we’re as good as I think—as I know we are, we won’t ever need anything more than that. We don’t need anyone else,” 

Okay, so maybe Jeno was easily swayed. Renjun required a bit more convincing, but in the end, he would never be able to deny his friends’ happiness. They were his family. 

“I really wanted to go on tour,” he mumbled quietly, and he regretted it once Haechan attacked him with mock sympathy, petting his head like a child. 

———————————————

Breaking Headline: Band Hello Future Has Just Terminated All Relations with their Long-Time Label with Unannounced Social Media Post: “Our Truth” 

Every artist’s worst fear is being dropped by their label, so what point must they reach to leave on their own volition? Jaws are to the floor as the world finds out that members Renjun, Haechan, Jeno and Jaemin collectively decided to cut all ties with their record label [Star Music]. In a social media post released at midnight, the members revealed some haunting truths about alleged corruption and forced defamation tactics going on within the company, done in hopes to garner popularity. 

In the post, divided between the four, most are talking about member Jaemin’s take on the situation. It’s being rumored that his experience is what sparked the decision. 

“I’ve been made a liar and a playboy” he said, and many fans are speculating that many of his public endeavors were a scheme. A report made by their own private staff members revealed that various news and media sites were being paid by the company to release false statements on various dating and romantic ‘scandals’ about the bassist. We were fooled, dear fans. 

What will this mean for the four boys? Star Music has yet to make a statement on the situation, but there have been no legal actions being taken as of now. The band has avoided any legal obligations to stay within the company, but will they face trouble with their upcoming album? Their company-funded tour has been canceled, but all across the world, fans are speaking up to support their favs for standing up for themselves. Will this be a monumental step for the music industry? Only time will tell. 

Notice: highly anticipated Hello Future album: ‘Sky on Fire’ is still set to release this Saturday. The band has just announced that they will be performing its title track: ‘Sleepless’ for the premiere, live on all streaming platforms. Make sure to tune in!

~

message from: unknown number

you’ve received a link. open?

Recipient,

You have received an invitation to attend the Sky on Fire Album launch on Saturday, at 8:00 p.m. 

We would like to personally thank you, for if you are receiving this, you are an integral part of our journey up to this point. From the four of us, we’d like to share this moment of growth with you all. We hope you can make it. 

With love,

Hello Future

Y/n Y/l/n,

Seat 4, Row A 

~

“This is a big night, people! I am standing just outside the venue for the Hello Future album launch, and it is bustling with all the stars’ closest friends, family, and fellow celebrities! We’ve seen Lee Taeyong, duo-group EXO-SC, actors Jung Jaehyun and Dong Sicheng, and more! Oh, hold on. Someone must be coming! Can you hear me over these cheers?” 

“The large crowd of fans hoping to catch a glimpse of the star-studded guest list are going crazy right now. Who could be the next face we see—? Oh, of course! And here at the venue, we have the band’s long time friend Y/n! Oh, I love her outfit,” 

You must’ve been one of the last people to arrive, the entry strip completely empty as you stepped out of the car. There were barricades on either side to make sure the guests could head inside briskly, the typical flash of the cameras capturing you as you waved around at the crowd. You handed the man in the front your invitation as another woman came to escort you to your seat, and the rest of the audience was just about seated as you strolled past them, smiling to a few familiar faces. You became increasingly more anxious the further down you walked, growing nervous when you realized you were assigned to sit in the first row of chairs. You thanked your hostess and took your seat, the lights dimming as a flurry of camera operators took their places. 

Maybe it was curiosity that brought you here, or maybe it was closure. There was nothing you could refuse when it came to him. 

The stage was pitch black as you heard footsteps enter, and in just a few moments of preparation, the stream was live and the lights came on to reveal the four boys stationed with their instruments. 

[a/n, please get your music apps out and play “A Concert Six Months From Now” by Finneas] 

Tap, tap, tap, tap. 

Haechan began the first verse, and he was smiling in a way that was nostalgic. You realized that seeing them on stage like this brought you back to that party all those years ago. Back when none of you had a name for yourselves yet, and you hadn't wrapped yourself up in the man approaching his microphone. 

“If I could see the future, I never would believe her,” 

Jaemin seemed to be scanning the crowd, but he stopped short as he glanced at the cameras and tried to sell a smile. 

“Falling in and out of love and falling in again,

We were never any good at being friends,” 

You shifted in your seat, feeling the lyrics slice through you. In that small, pathetic part of you, you hoped your face flashed in his mind when they were written, and every single time he’d ever had to sing them like he was now. 

You were the only thing on Jaemin’s mind, actually, but he was just trying to find you. Now that the cameras were on Haechan, he could search through the audience once again. He spent eight long counts darting his eyes around desperately, and then it was time for him to sing again, and then the instruments picked up and the music got louder, and it was all just in time for his eyes to lock onto yours. 

“I’ve been thinking too much and it’s ruined my nights,

But it’s hard when it isn’t, to let yourself slide

And my heart doesn’t slow down when you kill the lights,

I never learned to call it quits.” 

There he was, and there you were. 

The lights were flashing to match the rawness of the music and the chords were harsh as the band played like they were leaving their hearts on the stage. You were getting a sensory and emotional overload, pushing down the tears in your eyes. He was singing to you now that he could reach your eyes. He’d found you. 

Renjun’s voice drowned out as the two of you watched each other, lost in whatever world you were in. Jaemin’s fingers played from muscle memory as his mind got strung up in you. His face reached the microphone one last time, saying everything he’d ever wanted to say in the only way he knew how. 

“I’ll go hungry and crazy and honest for you

I don’t always get angry but I’m promising to

If it’s all that you want then it’s all that I can do. 

Desire never made any sense,” 

He looked away for a moment, too overwhelmed by the tears falling down your face. Jaemin found out for the first time, not too long ago, that you had the power to break him. More than anyone else ever could. 

“I’ll wait for years but I won’t wait alone,

And someday you’ll wait for my face on your phone

And I’ll call and I’ll say I think you should come home,

‘Cause I’m tired of being your ex,” 

The song faded to a close, but the intimate moment between you two did not. Jeno thanked everyone for coming and the fans for tuning in, but Jaemin released his guitar to slump down his body as he stepped away from the mic like he had been released from a spell. The audience stood to their feet, and you were obligated to stand as you clapped mindlessly. 

“Goodnight everyone!”

The crowd immediately erupted into conversation, many friends greeting one another, but you were trying to find your escape. This wasn’t the closure you needed, and you knew you were only going to fall deeper into this hole if you didn’t leave. Rounding the corner, you rushed down the aisle and made a break for the door. 

Outside, it was empty. Everyone had cleared out as the clouds gathered and the raindrops pummeled the pavement below. You cursed, out loud, your clothes drenched in a matter of seconds. You were going to make a break for the awning down the side of the building, nearly slipping in your wet heels. You let out a yelp, but in perfectly tragic timing, Jaemin lurched forward and caught you by the waist. The first thing you identified was his scent, his clothes bathed in rainwater while still managing to smell strongly of him. The tears fell faster and you attempted to rip your body away. 

“Hey, I got you. It’s okay,” 

“It’s not okay,” you sobbed. You hit your fist weakly against his chest, refusing to meet his eyes as you struggled. “It was never okay. You can’t just do this Jaemin. You can’t stand up there and act like—like I mean something to you,” 

“I know,” he whispered, cradling your body in the cold. “I know, and I’m sorry,” 

“You’re sorry?” you cried. You finally pushed yourself away from him, fuming in your sad, pitiful appearance. He was in front of you, soaked to the bone, but he didn’t move an inch. It was time for him to face everything he wanted to turn away from. 

“You can go,” You pressed your finger to his chest. “And stick your apology,” You walked forward as he took steps back. “Up your fucking ass,” 

“You don’t mean that,” he murmured, taking your shaking hand in both of his. He was always so warm. “Let me fix this. Let me fix us,” 

“You were the one who broke it,” you concluded, staggering back, cradling your hand. Walk away, walk away, walk away. 

“It was all a lie,” he called, and you froze in your steps. You didn’t turn, but he continued regardless. 

“I was never with her. I lied, and I did it to save my own fucking career. Even if it meant ending what we had before we could even start,” his voice was shaking, you noticed. “Our manager pulled me into the conference room one day, saying I had no choices left. We were emerging onto the music scene, and it was the perfect time to make a move; to create a headline people would pay attention to. They made me lie to everyone, Y/n. Even myself,”

You turned to look at him, his words racing through your mind. He wouldn’t look away anymore. Jaemin wasn’t afraid. 

“I should have saved us. I’ll never get to know how complete you would have made me, but I think about it all the time. We could’ve been something. You could’ve been everything to me,” 

“You couldn’t save me, but now you can’t let me go. What do you want from me, Jaemin?” 

The rain was beginning to settle, and there was more water dripping from your clothes than the sky, but there was a storm brewing. You could both feel it. 

“I want you to give me a second chance. I want you to learn to love me like I want to learn to love you,” 

You had been so sure that you were done with him, but you didn’t know if you could walk away like this. No, you thought. You had to remember the pain and the confusion even if it hurt, because you couldn’t betray the girl who wanted to be happy again, free of his shackles. 

You laughed like this was all one big joke. Jaemin watched you sadly, but with the sliver of hope he still had left. You knew it would shatter, but you wouldn’t be apologetic anymore. 

“Look at what we became, Jaemin. We’re no good for each other,” 

You barely heard him out, but now you were leaving.

“I’ll wait for you,” he called. “You don’t have to come back to me, but I’ll wait for you, Everyday,” 

You smiled. “I know you will, Jaem,” 

And it was true. You were unforgettable. 

honestly i don't even know if i like this, but i felt like i needed to post something. especially from the playlist series lmao. i hope you guys enjoyed it, and please leave feedback! i love hearing from you guys <3

sincerely,

bebetae

let me know if you want to be added to my taglists!

playlist series taglist: @jjikyuu @sunshinedhyuck @ahgastayzen @2-3-t-i @whlplazh @yasmini24 @bunnylover0193 @felixn-recs @staysstrays @simplicitysbabe @luckyonejaehyun @softsthao @justineasian @springdaybreaks @softieus @yixing-jaehyun @defunkitatedmess @chitaprrrrrrrr @lauraneuuh @pewpewpwe00 @unknown5tar @ukiyoneo @yoongsicles @repjaehyn

warnings: a lot of uncharacteristic bebetae fluff, mentions of other 127 members, kissing, unprotected sex, kind of(?) semi-public sex, oral (m receiving), fingering, dirty talk, mentions of voyeurism, hair pulling

“I just think it would sound better if the bass was louder,”

“But then it would drown out my mesmerizing voice!”

“This isn’t all about the vocals, you know. The track is just as important,”

“Are you saying my voice needs to be drowned out by the track? You imbecile–”

“Guys,” Johnny interrupted, exasperated. “This song isn’t going to be finished at all if you two don’t stop bickering like birds in a dumpster,”

“Okay, horrible analogy aside, we really do need to get this show on the road. Studio time is precious, people,” Jungwoo piped up, sprawled across the sofa behind you looking two seconds away from falling asleep. You sighed, frustrated, before looking back up from the audio interface and into the recording booth.

Haechan was standing at the mic, hands on his hips as the headphone band pushed his hair back from his forehead. Despite how annoying he was, arguing with you (the producer!), you observed his features in that moment with fondness.

“Let’s try the second line in verse 2 again,” you instructed, clicking a few times on your computer. “Try to be louder this time,” you added, smirking softly when you heard him scoff. Even though you were being, admittedly, equally as annoying as him, Haechan still had a sparkle in his eyes as he cleared his throat.

“I thought that would never end,” you sighed, collapsing back into your chair with a huff. Haechan’s part was finally finished. The level of perfectionism the both of you craved musically was both a blessing and a curse, hours and hours going into the songs that topped the charts. Haechan swallowed from the water he was gulping and walked over to ruffle your hair with a small smile. You swat his hand away with force.

“Please, we know you enjoyed every second of it,” Mark teased, tossing his own empty water bottle toward the trash like a basketball.

“Even though us audience members were kept fully entertained,” Yuta added, snickering when Mark missed.

Haechan was the last to record yet the other members had been cycling in and out of the studio, visiting in hopes to witness the dumpster fire that was the two of you. That’s what made Haechan really, and I mean really fall in love with you; seeing how comfortable his members were around you. With the other producers, usually they were formal and polite, backs straight as they conceded to their every instruction, but with you, it was different. Creative input was encouraged, the boys were relaxed and comfortable, and Haechan could see and hear the joy you brought.

“Well, we’re off,” Johnny announced, getting up. Jungwoo whined, complaining about wanting to stay, but the older boy simply pulled him to his feet, Mark joining the effort to essentially shove him out the door.

“Give the fighting dumpster-lovebirds some time alone,” Yuta jokes, winking just before he closes the door behind them.

Haechan submitted himself to the comfort of the couch, his eyes watchful as you played over the bridge with careful attention.

“You can work on it another day, we were productive enough,” Haechan spoke, tentatively. It was hard to get between you and your work sometimes, you knew that. But you sighed, shutting the laptop and swiveling around in your chair. Haechan was already holding his arms open welcomingly, and you practically rushed to his warmth.

His torso was built beneath you, his chest caving in as he let out a large sigh. You curled into him and let him brush his fingers through your hair in silence. The studio had been busy with people all day, but now it had grown quiet, letting the two of you sink into each other.

“You did so well today,” you whispered into his simple black t-shirt, and he chuckled. Haechan didn’t bother replying, figuring he would simply rather wrap his arms around you tighter, holding you closer.

~

It was late evening, bordering on the next day, when you finally pushed the song progression back and left the studio. The company building was huge, and funded well enough that it housed every room it would possibly need. You only came here when you were working on a song for them, the rare visits making it near impossible to navigate your way through the endless hallways.

You were tracking your way to the nearest elevator, having already been walking around like a headless chicken for five minutes, when you heard something familiar emanating from one of the rooms. It was in the opposite direction from what you speculated was the elevator, but you trailed the music as if you couldn’t possibly help yourself.

It was the backing track of the song you had just been working on. The title track to NCT 127’s upcoming comeback. It was only the sample, and you knew it didn’t sound the same.

The door was covered in an opaque glass, and you stood there debating if you should open it. What if the members were practicing too intensely to be bothered by their producer? You guessed you were close enough with all of them that they would greet you welcomingly, but with a business connection to the boys, you had definitely seen all of them in their work mindset; you knew just as well as anyone else in this building the degree of seriousness they had when it came to their jobs.

But then you heard a frustrated groan, and you knew who it was.

The music paused just as you inched the door open, your eyes first noticing that Haechan was laying on the floor, panting.

And shirtless, his black shirt from before now on the other side of the room, probably flung there. Haechan’s head darted toward you in surprise, but he instantly relaxed when he recognized you.

“Thank god,” he gasped, a strained smile on his face as he forced himself to his feet. You noticed he did this a lot. He forced himself to crack a smile even when you could feel the stress seep from his body. “I thought you were Taeyong. I was worried he would come in and ask to practice with me–the guy never stops. I would’ve been here till 3 in the morning,”

“Aw, come here,” you pouted, letting the door click shut as you were now the one offering a hug.

“I’m really sweaty, Y/n–”

“Do you want a hug or not?”

Haechan practically scrambled up, jogging toward you until he could wrap himself around you. You leaned up and peppered kisses on his heated cheek, leaning back to brush through his hair. He hummed contentedly.

“Why are you still here?” he questioned, though he sounded relieved.

“I was heading out when I heard my little masterpiece blasting from the speakers,” you replied, running your hands down his shoulders. Haechan shuddered under your touch, hoping you didn’t notice. “You tell me I need a break, but that’s you,”

“You revived me,” he joked. “Like, I’m really energized now,”

Haechan watched as you peered up at his face, your eyes big and expectant. He reached for one of your hands tracing up his neck, guiding it lower until it rested on the dips of his stomach. Your fingertips were tracing the lines of his abs when he cupped your cheek and placed his lips softly on yours.

You leaned into his body, like you were dependent on him to keep you standing, and you felt as his other hand traveled down your hip, to the curve of your ass, finally wrapping around the back of your inner thigh. You whined as he pulled away, his forehead resting against yours.

“You’re right,” you whispered, already holding your giggles back. “You’re really sweaty,”

“Oh whatever,” he scoffed, but his smile reached his eyes that were so close to yours. “I love you,”

You stayed silent, hiding your giddy grin in his chest. He poked your side aggravatingly.

“I love you,” he repeated, dragging out the last syllable. “Say it back,”

You looked back up at him, biting his nose playfully. “No,”

That’s it. He whispered under his breath, both arms traveling to your waist and lifting you up. You laughed as he jumped around the room crazily, and when you peeked into the mirror you could see the scene in full. Haechan was so energetic, so happy, and he always made you feel like you were in a movie.

Eventually, he got tired, and he dropped to the floor bringing you down with him. His back felt sticky on the wood and you were on top of him, making him impossibly warmer. He was like a furnace and you pressed into his comforting warmth.

“Hm,” Haechan hummed, lifting his head to peer down at you. “You’re heavy,”

“Shut up,” you spat, your eyes still closed as you felt him breathe.

“But I need to pee,”

You finally sighed, moving to the side. You sat on the floor watching him sit himself up, the muscles in his torso rippling beneath his skin. You tried not to drool.

He could see the way you were looking at him through the corner of his eye, and he hid his smirk as he shook his damp hair out. You were so distracted that you jumped when he suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you up. Leading you out the door and through the hallway, Haechan finally stopped at yet another glass door.

“You’re bringing me into the bathroom with you?” you whisper-shouted. He barged in (still shirtless, by the way), and closed and locked it shut. “You didn’t really have to use it, did you?”

“Of course not. I’m really just surprised you didn’t figure it out earlier,” he joked, walking slowly toward you. He had a look in his eyes as he caged you in, the bathroom wall unsurprisingly clean when your back hit it. Haechan’s face was so close now that you could feel his breath fanning your cheeks, and your eyelashes fluttered as his lips approached yours. They touched for a moment, and you both stilled, and the entire moment was so intimate that you stopped breathing. And then he melted into you, finally, and you sighed.

His mouth tastes minty. You could kiss him for hours and still feel like you were with him for the first time. There was nothing you could do but reach up and thread your fingers through the nape of his hair. He grunted into your mouth; a sound of pleasure that rattled through you.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Haechan admitted, speaking in between moments of attacking your lips. He couldn’t seem to get enough.

“I want you so bad,” you whimpered, your body rejecting the cool concrete to seek his touch. He chuckled as he pressed his lower body into yours.

“You can have me,” he whispered back, finally peeling away from you so you could take your tank top off. He unhooked your bra himself, leaning down and nipping at your right breast. You brought his head back up desperately, tugging at his sweats. He pulled them down quickly and you were thankful you wore a skirt as his hand snaked under it. He cupped your heat forcefully, and you moaned quietly the way he knew you would.

In a flurry of movement, you switched positions with him and pressed him against the wall, keeping eye contact with him as you lowered your skirt and panties down. Haechan was breathing harshly as he leaned against the wall, watching you hungrily. He reached forward to bring you back into him, but you denied his touch and knelt down to the floor. His eyes widened only slightly as he let you.

You inched over to him and pulled his underwear down, looking up at him and trying not to smirk at the way he tilted his head back with his eyes closed. He was already hard, and you licked up his length slowly. Sucking lightly on his tip made him jerk, especially as you licked under it.

“Fuck, Y/n,” he groaned, running a hand through his falling strands.

Your mouth bobbed down his length, going only halfway before he hit the back of your throat. You sucked harshly on his cock, thriving in his pleasure. He was jerking into your mouth with his hand lightly gripping your hair. It encouraged you to move further, choking on him. Haechan exhaled sharply through his nose, pulling you off by his hair. You licked around his cock as he collected himself.

“Come here,”

Haechan couldn’t lie, he was way too worked up to watch you indulge in him.

Once you stood, he pulled you into a wet, messy kiss that left your lips smacking noisily. He touched your neck softly and guided you against the wall, staring into your eyes as he ran his fingers through your folds. You gasped and his fingers tapped along your throat, delicate yet reminding you that he was in control.

He pressed two fingers in your entrance, and your mouth opened as he thrusted slowly. You were so wet the lewd noises were echoing off the walls, but it was not nearly enough for you.

“Haechan, baby please,” you begged, your hips moving on his hand searching for more.

“My greedy girl,” he pouted—teasing. It must’ve worked, though, because his thrusting sped up significantly. His fingers were long and reached spots inside of you that yours never could, reaching your g-spot easily. His fingers moved in a scissoring motion, stretching you out for him.

But then you peered down as you felt his hard length brush your leg, and you couldn’t be bothered with his fingers when his cock could be inside of you. He followed your eyes downward and got the message–he could always read you so easily–and drew his fingers out of you. He led his fingers up to your mouth, and you opened it obediently, but just as his fingers were going to slip past your lips he pulled them away and placed them into his own.

You stared at him cleaning your juices contentedly off your fingers, glaring at him for his endless teasing yet incredibly turned on at the same time. He used his same hand to pump up and down his length, guiding his cock toward your tempting pussy.

“So beautiful,” he murmured, his blunt tip brushing through your folds. He caught on your clit for a moment, once more, a third time, before you were twitching so much he had to be inside of you. Haechan pushed forward further, sinking deeper and deeper into your soaking heat until he was fully sheathed. You felt full, so full you moaned out, and Haechan had to cover your mouth with his palm as he started thrusting.

“Shhh,” he coaxed. “Someone could hear us, you know,”

At the thought, you clenched around his length and squeezed him impossibly tighter.

“Oh, you like that?” he drawled, the same old smirk on his full lips. “Your tight little pussy is squeezing my cock even more. Maybe, hm, you want someone to come in and see you getting railed in the company bathroom,”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” you scoffed. “You’d never want someone else seeing me,”

Haechan laughed outright, something you didn’t expect. You weren’t necessarily wanting to upset him, no, but it might have been a little fun.

And then he stopped, his cock still nestled inside of you as he reached behind you. You looked over, curiously, and watched him unlock the door. Your breath hitched, and you almost thought he was going to open the door when his hand rested on it. He pulled away though, as if he had thought things through, and he surprisingly pulled out instead. You looked at him, confused, but also realizing he really did have the upper hand here. You wanted him to continue more than anything.

He grinned at you mischievously as he led you toward the sink. He turned you around slowly, menacingly, and leaned you over the sink. Your hands supported you on the slick marble, the bright LED lights framing the mirror seeming to shine on you two light a spotlight. Now further away from the door, there was no stopping a late-night employee–or even worse, one of the members–from waltzing in and watching the scene unfold.

He shuffled closer to you, pushing back inside and distracting you for the time being by how utterly good he felt.

“Fuck,” he groaned, torn between throwing his head back and looking down at where the two of you were connected. “You have the best fucking pussy,”

“Your cock is so deep,” you moaned, figuring you might as well stop trying to antagonize him if you wanted him to keep going.

“Yeah? I want to stuff your pussy full all night, bring you back to the dorm and make all the members listen to you scream,”

You were pretty sure you’d already dug your own grave, and Haechan tightened his grip on your hips and began picking up his pace. He was thrusting quickly now, pounding into you hard enough you were sure the slapping of skin could be heard a few doors down. You couldn’t care less, though, not with the way your head spun off the pleasure.

“Oh fuck! Oh my god,” you moaned, your head cast down as you squeezed your eyes shut. He wasn’t having any of it, though, his hand snaking into your hair and pulling your head back.

“Don’t forget who’s making you feel this good,” he chastised, his grip firm and his thrusts piercing. He was truly fucking you now. He was no longer the soft, playful boyfriend you’d seen just thirty minutes before.

“You make me feel so good, Hyuk,” you said breathlessly, submitting to the dark look in his eyes as you watched each other through your reflections. At the sound of his real name he faltered a bit, and you knew it had gotten to him in the right way. He let go of your hair so he could place his hand back on your waist yet his expression told you to keep your head right where it was.

“That’s right, baby,” he panted, too worn out and euphoric to say much anymore. “Touch yourself,”

You reached down and rubbed your clit furiously, the both of you dangerously close to reaching your highs. As soon as you made contact with your neglected bud you nearly screamed, your thighs shaking as you tried to keep yourself standing. You could feel every detail in his thick cock as he thrusted with seemingly endless stamina, continuing to pummel into you until he was sure you’d cum.

His already damp, sweaty body was now glistening under the light, the golden tan of his skin enhancing the glow. His hair was dripping as it framed his handsome face and you couldn’t stop staring at him as he breathing grew more labored with each thrust forward.

“I’m gonna cum,” you announced, your eyebrows knitting together. With only one arm supporting you he had to keep you up with his bruising hold. Somehow, though, you still managed to rock yourself back into him needily. He was too wrapped up in you to make a snarky comment about it.

“Do it, cum for me, love,” he grunted, not stopping his fast pace. He really was reenergized.

Upon his command you felt yourself unraveling, your walls clenching down on him which only brought him closer as well. He finally let you close your eyes as you focused on not being too loud yet trying to soak in everything you were feeling in that moment. With your busy and conflicting schedules you knew you had to cherish every moment you had with him, even if it was while he was fucking your brains out in a bathroom.

With the way you were clenching around him and the soft, restrained noises you were making, Haechan finally gave into the pleasure and you felt him release into you, filling you up even further. He slowed his pace significantly but he still managed to pump into you leisurely, riding both of your orgasms out.

And then he stilled completely, and the two of you stood there staring at each other once again. Somehow, you then had the audacity to start giggling, and eventually, his laughter mixed with yours.

You pulled away and turned to face him, brushing his hair out of his face once again. Your back was digging into the counter behind you but you couldn’t seem to care, his chest pressed against yours. You could feel each other’s hearts beating rapidly.

“I love you too,” you finally whispered, kissing him playfully on the nose. Satisfaction washed over his face even though he clearly knew it was all fun and games.

“You have no idea,” he sighed, almost sadly as he brushed a few strands of hair out of your face.

“About what? How much you love me?” you questioned. He leaned in and kissed you sweetly, a collective sigh running between the two of you as the air calmed around you.

“That too,” he spoke, as if he hadn’t thought about it. “But I really meant about how lucky you are to have me,”

You pushed his face away with a groan as he snickered in the corner.

wow i never write this sweet fluffy stuff but i found myself enjoying it a bit too much. i hope you liked it! thank you for your request!! <3

permanent taglist: @heyychannie @negincho @astroodledream @sunwoosbunny @mrkleelvr @bbyenha-hyung

warnings: blatant immaturity, 50% fluff and 50% angst, swearing, alcohol and minor drug (cigarette) use, multiple (2) sex scenes, unprotected sex, slight voyeurism, oral (m and f receiving), marking, pet names, creampie, dirty talk, king of not really happy ending

You loved drawing attention to yourself. There was nothing else that satisfied the petty monster inside of you quite like drawing everyone’s eyes. Tonight’s party was your hunting ground.

“Yeonjun,” you gasped, your breath fanning his cheek in the dark corner of the room. Despite your feeble attempts to be discreet, you were sure it would only take a glance of the head to see you perched on your boyfriend's lap, his mouth on your neck.

He hummed into your skin in response, too lost in you to pull away. His teeth nipped at the skin under your ear, his tongue following suit. His large hands were grasping your waist on either side, pressing you harder onto his hips as he growled at the way you gripped his hair.

You had both planned beforehand to take a leap of responsibility, deciding to avoid the alcohol in Taehyung’s kitchen, but someone may have broken that rule. (you). This meant poor Yeonjun had to babysit you all night, and he was finally able to tear you away from the kitchen island of glass bottle heaven only with the promise that you and him could finally be alone.

Alone defined as the corner of a room packed to the brim, but that was unimportant.

Despite his uncharacteristic sobriety, Yeonjun couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and the second he pulled you on top of his lap he capitalized on his desires. There was something about him that made you feel wanted. He made you feel seen. Your relationship was a whirlwind from the start, and a novelty to you and everyone else. It was the textbook way for you to make a statement: having the campus’ heartthrob chasing after you.

Here he was now, talking dirty, his hand up your skirt.

“Keep moaning for me, baby,” he murmured, his fingers ghosting over the hem of your underwear. “We’re making a scene,”

You smirked at him through your hooded gaze, whimpers slipping past your lips. What a time to be alive. You and Yeonjun were the same, a shared personality of confidence and daringly spontaneous decisions. Just as you thought his fingertips would graze the spot you wanted him most, he pulled away and stood you up by the hips. You frowned at him, pouting in both disappointment and confusion, but he sealed a kiss to your lips hoping to make it up to you. He went in for another, almost forgetting where it was he wanted to go, nipping at your bottom lip before tearing away.

“Let’s get out of here,” he chuckled, pulling the bottom of your dress down further than necessary. He glanced at someone behind you and his jaw set a bit, reaching up to cradle your chin. “Only I get to see you out of this pretty little dress, princess,”

Oh. Gladly. His broad shoulders pushed through the crowd, his sleeveless shirt accentuating the muscles in his arms as they rippled under his skin with every move he made.

“Heading out already?” Soobin called when he caught you both approaching the door, his cheeks tinted pink as he clapped Yeonjun on the back.

“Sorry man, I have sweeter things to taste than gin and whiskey,” Yeonjun replied, winking at you slyly before grasping your hand in his and leading you out.

The midnight air was pleasantly cool, easing the heat of your skin from both the alcohol and his touch from before. He opened the passenger’s door for you and helped you inside before getting in himself. He turned the car on immediately and used one hand to pull off the curb, the other one cupping your inner thigh. His fingers put a certain pressure on your skin that made your legs squeeze around his hand, but he pulled on your thigh to spread them, sliding higher until his pinky finger brushed the lace he wanted to rip off.

You looked over at him as he drove, his hair falling over his eyes as he navigated his way back to his apartment. He really was handsome, you thought. He rolled down his window and yours, letting the air flood his car.

You liked the way his hair blew as he looked back at you, a smile on his face.

~

“You know, I feel like we still don’t know that much about each other,” Yeonjun commented, his arms wrapped around your bare torso as you both laid in his bed, his Chase Atlantic playlist bleeding from his speaker. He always seemed to keep his curtains closed in the morning, giving you no reference of what time it might be. His slender fingers traced patterns into your shoulder as your head leaned on his chest.

Despite what you might’ve assumed about the boy, Yeonjun was quite soft. He always stayed in bed when you woke up, he’d feed you in the morning, and he never shooed you out.

Yeonjun didn’t feel it was the right time to admit it just yet, but he only did these things with you.

“How much do you want to know?” you asked, looking up to watch him, his eyes still closed. His eyebrows furrowed in thought before he replied.

“I don’t know, I just feel like we’ve been going so fast—which is great, stop laughing at me—that we never stopped to, you know, get all the small shit over with,”

“Maybe we’re just special,” you shrugged, though you agreed. It was a bit strange how quickly you both had become accustomed to each other. “I like to live life in the fast lane,”

Yeonjun snorted. “Please don’t ever say that again,”

“Say what?” you joked, and he just rolled his eyes and chuckled into your hair.

You two eventually got up a bit later, taking turns showering because he claimed he ‘wouldn’t be able to help himself’, and you complained that you were too sensitive to do much of anything. He was getting dressed when you exited his bathroom, handing you one of his shirts to wear. It smelled intoxicatingly like him.

“It’s already noon,” Yeonjun groaned, tempted to collapse back into his sheets. He had pulled the curtains back, finally, the light illuminating your figure drowning in his black band tee. He bit his lip as he tried to look away.

“The best time to start the day,” you yawned, your arms stretching above your head. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t know what you were doing, watching his eyes glance down to your bare thighs. He walked towards you slowly, one hand moving to play with the hem of your (his) shirt.

“Damn right,” he agreed, kissing you softly. You sighed into him, leaning into his sturdy figure for a moment before pulling away.

“Keep doing that and we’re never leaving this apartment,” you sighed, brushing your nose against his.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,”

—---------------------------

“Please don’t injure yourself,” you laughed, watching him glide through the empty skatepark on his new board.

“I’m kind of a pro,” Yeonjun jokes, turning around one of the bends and coming to a stop at the bottom of the halfpipe. He looked up at you sitting at the edge, his hand reaching out to you in invitation. “You should try,”

“I don’t enjoy activities that could split my head open,” you grinned.

“Come on, I’ll hold you,” he spoke, grabbing your hand himself and helping you down the steep ramp. You stumbled a bit as you got up on the skateboard, but Yeonjun helped you stay balanced with one hand gripping your hip, the other holding your hand stable.

“Okay, you’re going to have to use your back foot to push off the ground,” he instructed. You shook your head in fear. “Okay fine, I’ll push you. Ready?”

He led you away from the inclines and walked you over to the center of the bowl where the ground was flat. He laughed at you as you stepped off a few times, the sun setting the sky into a purple void behind his gleaming smile. He counted to three, announcing that he was going to let go, and you wobbled your way about 10 meters on your own.

“That’s enough for me,” you sighed, waiting for his jogging figure to come back. You laid on your back, staring up at the sky, thankful you were on solid ground again. He flopped himself down beside you, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

“You did good,” he encouraged, reaching down to clasp your hand in his.

“You mean I didn’t fall on my ass,” you reiterated, smiling to yourself when he brought your hand up to his lips, planting a light kiss on your knuckles. The two of you laid there, disregarding the passing time, living in your own bullshit dream.

~

You felt something move across your leg as your eyes were fixated on the television, and you looked over to Yeonjun beside you, who was facing forward as if his fingers weren’t creeping up your thigh.

“You’re interrupting my movie,” you chastised, but you made no move to stop him. He smiled smugly while refusing to look at you. Frustrated that he was acting oblivious, you reached over and cupped his face to turn to you, giving him the kiss he had wanted. He immediately shifted toward you, his arms pulling you closer to his body until there was no room between you for any air to pass through. You moved onto his lap, slinging your arms around his shoulders and cradling his neck to push him closer.

The kiss was slow and sensual as his tongue explored your mouth, a collective sigh emitting from you two in unison. He smiled into the kiss when your hips subtly moved over him, his hum of satisfaction filling your body with a rush.

Yeonjun picked you up as he stood, disregarding the movie and walking the both of you to your room, neither of you breaking apart. He shut the door behind him with his foot and placed you gently on the bed, the both of you falling back as he supported himself on his arms above you. The kiss was intensifying now as your lips smacked against one another messily. He pulled away and helped you out of your clothes, taking his own off soon after.

You leaned in for his lips again but he dodged you, dropping lower to run his lips down your neck. You threw your head back and gave him more room to lick around one of your boobs, taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking harshly.

“Yeonjun,” you sighed breathily, his teeth sliding across your skin as he smiled. He continued kissing lower and lower, until his face was level with your pussy. He commanded your body so well, lifting your legs onto his shoulders and pulling you closer. He peppered feather light kisses up and around your entrance, teasing you as his lips only barely touched on your clit.

“Stop teasing,” you whined, gripping your hands in his hair and pushing his head forward.

“Okay, princess,” he conceded, finding no motivation to deny you. He sucked your clit into his mouth and prodded his tongue between his lips before opting to run his tongue in long strokes up and down your folds. His shoulders were strong and sturdy beneath your thighs as he pushed his head deeper into you, his tongue slipping into your soaking entrance. You moaned out desperately as he fucked into your hole, slurping your juices to get a taste.

“Love eating you out,” he groaned, parting for just a second before flattening his tongue against your clit and shaking his head back and forth forcefully. Your back arched into him and he didn’t try to stop you, enjoying the view as he watched you react to him. Your hands abandoned his hair and traveled up to rest on your forehead, your body not being able to handle his ministrations. His laugh mocked your insanity, but Yeonjun was satisfied that he could make you feel so good. He would do this all night if he could.

“Feels so good,” you sighed out, bucking your hips into his face. He tugged back on your clit as he sucked on it, adding more pressure. You were at a loss for words when he went back to fucking you with his tongue, allowing you to fuck yourself on his awaiting tongue. His mouth was making lewd noises as he closed his eyes and relished in the taste of you. He could feel you clenching around his tongue and he moved deeper, his movements harsher as his thumb came up to rub your clit harshly. Your legs shook around his head but you kept them open, always obedient.

It only took a moment longer before you orgasmed, soaking his mouth with your arousal, and he lapped it all up. He was instiabally yours, only stopping when you pushed his head away. The moonlight seeping in from the windows shone on his handsome face, paling him as if he were an angel. Your arousal covered the expanse of his skin, his tongue swiping across his lips as he stared down at you.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his hazy eyes scanning yours. Your heart swelled and your hands ran along his shoulders slowly like you were trying to meld his body with yours.

Yeonjun reached down and grasped his cock, pumping it a few times as he leaned down to peck the corner of your mouth, guiding his tip to your eager folds. He pushed in slowly and stared at you as he did, memorizing and mapping out the blissful expression on your face. Your entrance was so wet that it made it easy for Yeonjun to bottom out.

“I love fucking you. I love seeing you like this. I love—” he paused, voice straining as he began thrusting into you, and you pulled him in for another kiss to distract him. He was thankful for you, though, that you let him stop the words from coming out.

He was pumping himself into you slowly, neither of you in a rush to be anywhere but here. If there was an opportunity to savor in a moment together, you and him would take it. Your devotion to him scared you. You weren’t quite sure if it was reciprocated quite yet. Regardless, the prospect of a concrete relationship with him scared you just as much, knowing deep inside of yourself that you might never be ready for it.

You both fucked each other to clear the thoughts, driving away what was distracting you from the pleasure. Sex was simple. Nothing had to come with it, yet everything was coming at the two of you all at once.

Yeonjun pulled himself up and grabbed your hips, using his hips to piston in and out of you. His pace had fastened and it left you grabbing for the sheets below. He was reaching that one place inside of you that only he could. He watched as your eyebrows furrowed, your moans rising in volume, only spurring him on as his dick twitched at the sight. The moonlight was cast on you just as it was him, the both of you admiring one another.

“Touch yourself for me,” he demanded, knowing his release was rapidly approaching. You snaked a hand down to rub your clit rapidly, your hips bucking up uncontrollably.

“Fuck, Yeonjun,” you cried, your eyes squeezing shut. You wished for this moment to last forever, your release creeping up on you from the shadows of the room. You were singing a melody with your whines, his harsh thrusts leaving your voice caught in your throat.

“That’s it,” he encouraged, slowing down until he could make sure you felt every inch of him rise up into your core. “Good girl,”

His new pace left you keening, your fingers moving impossibly faster as you came undone. The tightening of your walls around his cock gave him the same fate. His cum released inside of you as he rode out both of your orgasms, eventually burying himself to the hilt and staying there as he bent down to kiss you hard. You were both out of breath yet you still craved the other’s lips.

Right then, in that moment, he felt like the world.

—---------------------------

You loved Yeonjun’s studio. Sometimes you would come in while he was painting, content with watching him work on his masterful artform. Today, he was simply sketching on a drawing pad, his eyes glancing up to you as you opened the door.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you,” he explained, setting his sketchbook down and gesturing for you to come and sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around your torso and held you close, watching as you grabbed his drawing and inspected it. It was a simple landscape, buildings and skylines crowding the view of the sky. You smiled as you traced your fingers over the lines, wondering if you had even an ounce of the talent he did.

“It’s amazing,” you gushed, feeling him shift slightly behind you. You didn’t pay him any mind, though, solely focusing on the drawing as you secretly wished you had made it instead.

“Hey, Y/n?”

“Yeah?” you replied, turning to look at him, but you froze when his finger wiped something wet on your nose. You jumped and scowled at him, eyeing the purple paint on his fingertip.

“My own little masterpiece,” he laughed, though you stayed unamused. He pouted at your expression and leaned in to peck you on the lips, pulling away and looking confused at your laughter.

“You got a little something on your face,” you giggled, a purple mark on his cheek after your nose brushed against it. A look of realization fell over his face and he giggled along with you in defeat, burying his face into your neck.

“Hey—you’re going to get it on my shirt!”

~

“We shouldn’t be doing this here,” you giggled, speaking between hungry kisses as you sat on a countertop in the bathroom of someone you didn’t know too well.

“I could kiss you anywhere,” Yeonjun replied, the faint taste of alcohol on his lips. You were sure he could taste in on you, too.

“Then we have to make it quick,” you chuckled, pushing him backwards toward the wall as you jumped back onto your feet. He watched you drop to your knees with enticing eyes, rubbing your cheek affectionately as you unbuttoned his jeans. You pulled his cock out of his underwear, feeling it harden beneath your touch.

“This is why I can’t help myself around you,” he argued. “You can’t expect me not to want to fuck you every chance I get,”

“Then don’t hold yourself back,” you murmured shyly, your lips descending on his length and sucking harshly on his tip. Yeonjun’s fists clenched at his sides, controlling every muscle in his body to not buck his hips into your mouth. You smiled watching him struggle so intensely. Your lips traveled further down his length, sucking as you descended with your tongue tracing the bottom of his shaft.

“You’re so good for me, my pretty girl,” he groaned softly, mindful that someone could hear. You clenched on nothing at his praise, letting the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat. Yeonjun took a large intake of breath, a breathless gasp gracing your ears. His hand moved to your scalp, his fingertips caressing you gently as he encouraged you to deep throat him. You would do anything for him, you thought, if it meant you could see the expression on his sculpted face forever.

“Stay still for me,” he commanded, experimentally thrusting his hips forward. You could feel the bulge in your neck as your throat encased his cock, whimpering slightly as he slowly chased your mouth. You relaxed your throat and let him do as he pleased, focusing on your breathing as you gave your all to him and his pleasure.

Yeonjun let you gag around his dick one last time before pulling you off, smirking at your ruined state and turning you around slowly so your chest pressed against the wall. You placed your hands out in front of you in anticipation, looking over your shoulder and watching him inspect you as he pulled your ass cheeks apart.

“So wet and I haven’t even touched you,” he teased, running his middle finger through your folds, spreading your arousal.

“Fuck me, Yeonjun. Please,”

Yeonjun didn’t hesitate after that, grabbing his sufferably hard length and guiding it to your entrance. He pushed in with a bit more force than usual, his growing desires fogging his mind with impatience. He was desperate to feel you around him, desperate to fuck you like you deserved.

He gave you a moment to adjust before thrusting fully inside of you, his hands on your hips as he pounded into you from behind. You briefly wondered if the sounds of skin were loud enough to be heard beyond the closed door, but you also couldn’t seem to care, your moans drifting out of you mindlessly.

“Fucked you before we left and you’re still so fucking tight,” Yeonjun rasped, his voice deep and husky and shooting straight to your core. He felt you clenching around him and smirked. You reached behind your head and grasped onto his hair, his mouth coming down to kiss and lick up and down the expanse of your neck. His thrusts were calculated as he hit your spot over and over again, relentlessly battering your pussy as your body was being shoved harder into the wall.

You loved when he was like this—when he fucked you hard enough to turn you into a moaning mess. You could tell he liked having this kind of control over you to, when he could fuck you and you’d conform to his every touch. His bangs swept over his eyes as he peered down to watch his cock disappear in and out of your scorching pussy. He rubbed your clit experimentally, jolting erratically when you clenched around him tighter than before.

“I–I’m going to cum,” you chanted, legs shaking as you tried to keep yourself standing. His hand clamped over your mouth to at least try and keep you quiet though your sounds vibrated through his fingers regardless.

“Be a good girl for me and cream on my cock,” Yeonjun grunted, his pace never letting up as he compensated for his impending high as well. “I want you to ruin yourself on me, baby,”

You did just that. With a particularly pointed circle on your clit combined with a harsh thrust the coil in your stomach promptly released. Yeonjun’s hand was ripped from your mouth as he found purchase on your waist and bounced you repeatedly on his length, his thrusts so deep you could feel him pushing past your limits of sanity. You were nearly screaming now, biting your lip to try and control your volume as he continued battering into your pussy.

His length twitched inside of you and a moment later you could feel him releasing inside of you, both of your breaths heavy and panting but utterly blissful.

“You’re mine,” he murmured into your ear, sucking on your earlobe harshly with his softening cock still sheathed inside of you. “All mine,”

~

“Baby, please just hear me out—”

“What is there to hear, Yeonjun? That you lied to me? Fuck you,”

You were standing in his small kitchen, your arms crossed as you stood in the corner of the cabinets scowling at him, his mind telling him to keep his distance from across the tile floor. When you swore at him, his defeated expression morphed to something similar to exasperation, his arms flying up into the air.

“I already apologized to you, Y/n! I fucking explained myself, but you can’t open your damn ears to listen,”

You stared at him in complete shock, simply amazed that he had the nerve to say that. Yeonjun flipped back to remorseful in a single blink, shuffling towards you cautiously to seek forgiveness, but you stomped past him and out the door in a flash.

You huffed your way down the road, your blood boiling as you called Kara, your roommate, asking for her to pick you up. The air was a bit chillier than normal, Yeonjun’s short sleeved t-shirt not doing much to keep you warm. You were still fighting the urge to rip it off and throw it on the pavement, though. You sat at one of the bus stop benches and sighed, burying your face into your hands.

Yeonjun had kissed another girl. Even though Beomgyu and Soobin had insisted to you that he was insanely drunk and that they were at fault for forcing him to tag along with them, that they had forced the drinks his way even though they knew the girl was trying to hook up with him, Yeonjun had still lied to you about it when you questioned him. He had only admitted to it when you let it known that Beomgyu’s sister had told you herself, someone who had witnessed it with her own eyes.

Maybe, you thought, you should have expected this. Yeonjun had a reputation that you knew of long before you had even started casually hooking up with him, and you knew he was a gamble to begin with. But once you two had gotten closer, once he had asked you out, you had thought his unprecedented sweetness was a sign of misconception. You convinced yourself that everyone was lying to you, spreading rumors about the boy you knew, and who they didn’t.

Stupid decision. You know that now. What a quick end to a quick beginning.

You heard a car pull up minutes later, but it wasn’t the one you had requested.

“Drive away. Right now,” you demanded, turning away from Yeonjun’s car like a child. You wouldn’t even give him the right to your attention, even if it was immature.

“Get in my car, please, Y/n,” Yeonjun called, the night air quiet and for once he wasn’t blasting music from his speakers. “I’m sorry. Just talk to me,”

“I don’t want to,” you sniffled, your nose red with emotion and cold. You heard his door open and shut, his footsteps nearing you and your eyes closed in strain. He draped his jean jacket around your shoulders but you shrugged it off, yet he persisted until he was forced to hold it against your body tightly. You relished in the warmth even if you hadn’t welcomed it.

“Y/n?” he murmured, his voice shaky as you felt him trying to meet your eyes cast to the ground. He sighed, trying to find the right words to say. “I really fucked up, I know that. It doesn’t redeem me, I know that too, but I want you to know that I regret it, so fucking much,”

“The only thing I regret was trusting you,” you replied. His heart broke at that. Yeonjun wracked his brain, trying to find a way to avoid the truth, but he knew he at least owed you that.

“I make countless mistakes and I only have myself to blame,” he paused, his gaze flying above your head to something far away, something you thought might not even be there. “I act a certain way and do certain things to make people look at me, make them want to be around me, all because I’m an insecure asshole deep inside. I look at you, Y/n, and I feel intimidated. God—that might have come out wrong—but what I’m trying to say is that I keep telling myself that you’re too good for me. That one day you’ll realize you can get any other guy you’d ever wanted and you’ll leave me, and that scares me and my inflated fucking ego. But look where that got me. Standing here in front of you, hating myself anyway. I’m sorry that I was right, I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for you. If you hate me, then at least you won’t have to deal with me anymore,” Yeonjun’s voice trailed off, true realization sinking in.

You both sat there silently, your head riddled with conflicting thoughts. On one hand, your heart hurt for him, but another part of you still questioned if anything he said was the truth.

“Y/n,” he whispered, his voice trembling a bit. That alone made you look up at him, finding that his eyes were already on yours. “I think I love you, and just have a really shitty way of showing it,”

You didn’t want to listen to him. You wanted to push him away and ignore every word that came out of his mouth, but you were standing there frozen, lost in his stupid, stupid eyes. Fight, Y/n. You’re better than this. Better than him.

You had a hard time believing that. Because at the end of the day, you still let him lead you into his car and drive you home.

~

You’re aware that you’re wrong for forgiving him. All your friends say that you’re too good for Yeonjun, but you didn’t care. You’d always had the curse of toxic retention. You were both young and in love with each other, and that was a beautiful thing, even if it was fatal.

There were things you would never know about Yeonjun. You would never know about the things that would plague his mind as you both sat in his car, parked in an empty lot, Yeonjun blowing out a puff of smoke from the cigarette dangling between his fingers.

“There’s a thousand better things we could be doing,” he sighed, his unoccupied hand tracing patterns on the back of yours. You didn’t bother replying, knowing there was no answer to give. “But I think I like sitting in the silence with you, as crazy as that sounds,”

“That’s not crazy,” you replied, your head on his shoulder. “Is there something on your mind?”

He didn’t reply, taking another drag from his cigarette before tossing it out the window. You weren’t sure how to approach him sometimes, especially when he was like this—quietly brooding in his thoughts.

“You can talk to me,” you whispered, the hurt obvious in your voice. Yeonjun closed his eyes, never wanting to upset you, but he still didn’t speak. “Don’t shut me out,”

Yeonjun turned towards you and cradled your face in his hands, forcing you to stare into his swirling, mysterious eyes. He was a closed book and a part of you resented him for it.

“Kiss me, Y/n,” Yeonjun whispered, even though there was no one else around. You only needed to move a few centimeters to place your lips gently on his, and you didn’t need to hear him say it to know that this was his way of communicating to you. You could practically hear the unspoken words in your mouth.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been myself,” he murmured, brushing his hands through your hair. You just nodded, always so complacent, accepting Yeonjun for who he was. A boy that might never let you see the parts he didn’t want you to.

“I should be getting home,” you replied, and Yeonjun’s face twisted in disappointment, though he pulled away and turned the keys in his ignition regardless. He kept the windows down just like always, pulling out of the parking lot and headed for the nearest onramp.

He was still clutching onto your hand tightly, as if you would open the door and tumble out. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, all of that strain on his muscles so you wouldn’t be able to see them shaking. You kept your eyes out the window as your hair blew sporadically.

His car passed down a tunnel dug into the earth, the engine echoing off the walls deafeningly. He turned up the volume of the music to drown out the voices in your heads.

~

Things were starting to change. You could feel it. And everytime you were with him, you could tell Yeonjun could sense it as well.

“That sounds exciting,” you spoke into your phone, discussing his upcoming art show with him. Yeonjun smiled lazily from his end.

“Yeah, apart from the fact that I’ll probably have to work on it everyday for the next six months,” he sighed. You read into his every word, knowing that it probably meant you would be seeing even less of him than before. You weren’t sure why, but neither of you had the same motivation to be around each other like you used to, and it confused you to no end. You had always thought that love meant craving each other's company—dying to breathe the air they did. If this was your definition of love, you wondered if it was even real.

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be amazing,” you reassured him, wondering if his heart was tugging like yours was. It felt like a conversation between friends, not lovers. There was no talk of anything more than the niceties.

“Hopefully,” he replied, silence falling onto the phone line. Neither of you knew what to say. You could hear Yeonjun’s breath in the receiver before he spoke again. “Are you mad at me?”

“What?” you questioned, feeling cornered. “Of course not, Jun. I really couldn’t be happier that you’re finally getting this opportunity,”

“Not about the stupid art exhibition, Y/n,” he sighed, his ear muffling the sound as he ran a finger through his hair. “What I mean is, I guess, are you unhappy with me?”

Unhappy? You couldn’t sort out your feelings about all of this, even after thinking about it for hours night after night. You didn’t resent him by any means, but did you really find solace in him? Did you seek his presence like you needed it? You could never hate him, but you finally asked yourself if you really did love him. Love him like he loved—loves—you.

“I’m not unhappy with you, Yeonjun,” you whispered. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either. And even if you said what he had thought he had wanted to hear, Yeonjun didn’t realize that it would have meant nothing, anyway. Your relationship was thinning, losing its life as it turned to skin and bone.

“Okay. Okay,” he chanted, repeating it to himself like it would convince him. “Well, you should go to sleep. Don’t you have that exam tomorrow?”

Your exam was two days ago, but you didn’t tell him that. “Right, I should study a bit more before I go to bed. Goodnight, Yeonjun,”

“Goodnight baby,” he replied. Just as you were about to pull the phone away and hang up, you whispered breathlessly, your voice so quiet you could barely hear yourself.

“I love you,”

You were met with the methodic rings of him hanging up. You guessed he hadn’t heard you. Yeonjun laid in his bed with his phone in his hands, wishing he could call you back immediately and announce that he loved you, too, at the top of his lungs so you would have to believe him. He never did.

This part is hardest, when you know the spark is gone but you’re scared of moving on.

~

Just hours later you were sitting on your couch, failing to fall asleep, tossing and turning in your dark room before giving up and submitting yourself to the first cheesy teen romance you could find. You were barely paying attention to the plot, your eyes transfixed on a show you weren’t absorbing. Every scene reminded you of your past self, and your past Yeonjun.

Knocking came at your door and you somehow knew who it was. You hesitated to answer, figuring you would feign sleep, but then they knocked again, softer in a way that sounded defeated, and you tossed the blanket off your legs and opened the door slowly. You weren’t surprised to see Yeonjun in your doorway. Yeonjun wasn’t surprised to see that you were still awake.

“Hey,”

“Hi,”

You let him slip into your apartment and shut the door softly, careful not to be too loud at this ungodly hour. The show was still playing in the background, but Yeonjun stopped in your kitchen and didn’t allow himself to travel any further, so you stood in the divet by your door, watching him collect himself.

“What happened to us?” Yeonjun asked, softly. God, he didn’t mean to sound so confrontational. All he wanted to do was go back in time and avoid this conversation from ever happening at all.

“I don’t know,” you replied, sounding equally as defeated. Yeonjun nodded, knowing he wasn’t really expecting an answer. He couldn’t even be upset at you, because he knew you had as little control over the decisions either of you had made. It was simply a timeline that the two of you let play out.

“But we can fix it, right? Nothing has to change,” Yeonjun reasoned, his hands sliding down his thighs nervously. “We can fix it. I know we can,”

But what if we can’t? The question ran through both of your minds, leaving it unspoken. You didn’t step away as he paced towards you, tears welling in your eyes as he cupped your face and pressed his lips against yours. You let him kiss you and he let you reciprocate, the both of you searching for something in each other; in yourselves. Your lips were on his and your body was pressing against him, yet Yeonjun could feel you slipping away.

You both pulled away at the same time, sad, knowing looks passing between your eyes. There were no words that were spoken, but nothing needed to be said. You two were already defeated. Yeonjun’s thumb slid across your cheeks and wiped the tears slipping out. He gave you a heartbreakingly comforting smile.

“I don’t regret a thing, and I never will. Goodnight, Y/n,”

With that he forced his hands to drop, his hand squeezing yours tightly before pulling away completely. You were frozen as he began walking toward the door, but you reached out for his wrist to stop him. He froze but didn’t look at you.

“I love you,” you sobbed, your hand trembling against his skin. Yeonjun finally met your eyes, tears threatening to spill though he tried his best not to let them. He had hoped while making his exit that you wouldn’t have to see him like this. He wanted you to let him leave believing that he had accepted it, too. “Say it back, just one more time. For me,”

“I love you, Y/n. And I mean it with all my heart,”

You let him go and watched him leave, the door clicking shut like a nail in a coffin. It was impossible to know now, but you would both later understand the fact that two people could love each other but still not work in perfect tandem. There were no ill feelings, nothing to blame on the other. It was horrible, but it was the most heavenly way for your relationship to die.

—---------------------------

6 months later.

Yeonjun looked so comfortable when he was in his element. You watched him jump from one conversation to the next, his black suit seeming to somehow stand out a bit from the others. He’d let his hair grow a bit longer since you’d last seen him, and you thought that you liked how it looked. He was standing on the opposite side of the entire gallery, so you took a chance to observe the hanging art without fearing he might see you. You didn’t necessarily not want to run into him, but you just wouldn’t know what to say if he did. For once, you were trying not to be seen.

There were many beautiful works, some of them ones he’d show to you all those months ago. You had always loved watching him paint, something about the way his hands moved delicately despite appearing strong and incapable of doing so. You’d come across many new pieces as well, stopping before them to admire their tiny intricacies before moving onto the next. After appreciating over a dozen of them, you had finally wrapped around the loop and found yourself in front of the closing painting.

Robbers was its title, with no short description on it, unlike all of the others. Many from the crowd were stationed at the final painting, some looking like they were entranced.

There were two people depicted in the painting, a man and a woman. They both wore hauntingly red ski masks, their bodies pressed together as they kissed. There were flashes of blue and red on their ghostly white skin, the police’s unincluded presence being known. They were standing in a foreign land but the sky was purple above them, but that wasn’t the most notable aspect. What Yeonjun knew would catch the attention of viewers was the way the woman was pressing a gun to the man’s chest. He wasn’t afraid, not at all, his hand pressing her finger down onto the trigger—the trigger of a gun that he knew would go straight through his heart. He was forcing her to shoot.

“Do you like it?” came a nervous voice, and you turned to Yeonjun who stood a respectable distance away. His hands were clasped behind his back and you could see the gears running through his mind. Even after so long, you could pick up on his cues like they were your own.

“I love it. I wonder what it’s about,” you replied sarcastically. Your jokes were only leavin you to distract yourself from the ache.

Yeonjun chuckled shyly, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “Yeah, yeah. I’m kind of embarrassed now. I didn’t think you would have to be here to, you know, see it,”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, Jun,”

He smiled at that. He felt like a familiar stranger, in a certain way. You insisted to him that he go back to greeting his guests, and he finally but reluctantly stepped away bidding farewell.

It was so nice to see him again, you thought. There really was nothing that you held against him or any of the time you two had shared. Even if it didn’t last, it was forever to you in that moment. Yeonjun glanced back at you as he walked away, blinking a few times as if to take a snapshot of that moment, seeing you there still in support of him.

You didn’t grow apart, you just grew up.

The next day you received a suspiciously large package, but no matter how hard you thought you didn’t recall ever expecting something to come. You waited until you entered your room before opening it, tearing the tissue paper away. You gasped as you held up the large canvas, the purple clouds staring back at you. You ran your fingers along the rough strokes of paint, taking in the faces obstructed by the red fabric, noticing a small piece of paper peeking out from under the flap of the box. You set the painting down beside you and unfolded the note.

Y/n,

I knew from the moment I completed the painting that I wanted to give it to you. I almost didn’t submit it for the gallery, but I had lied last night. A part of me was actually hoping you would come and see it. I’m so glad you did. It was nice seeing you again. I hope you take from the piece whatever you wish, something that doesn’t have to be what made me create it. Thank you again for attending the event.

Sincerely,

Yeonjun

Hello again, I’m actually writing this part hours after I thought I had said all I had to. I realized I wanted you to know what it actually was that inspired me. It’s short said, I’m now realizing, but here’s the description I ended up tossing out just before the doors to the gallery had opened:

Robbers is a captivating piece that illustrates the sacrifices one must withstand for someone they love, but also the selfishness in the act itself. A man willingly takes the burden of death for the sake of his lover, but he’s also doing it for himself. All he could ask for was to be hurt by her, and if his heart must die, her’s are the only hands he’d ever want his blood to stain.

P.S., I turned down a lot of offers on people wanting to buy it, so I hope you treat it like it’s your own child (haha, just kidding).

With love,

Yeonjun

~

sorry guys i was planning to post this yesterday but the tags were down, so here it is!

permanent taglist: @fanficbitchwhowriteskpop @negincho @astroodledream @sweetutopia @mrkleelvr @bbyenha-hyung

warnings: death, tragedy, loss, depression, anxiety, kissing, language, unprotected sex, creampie there are many potentially triggering topics in this fic, and it is meant for mature audiences. please do not read if you are easily affected by mentions of death and the process of coping with it.

There were three rules to being Na Jaeyoung’s best friend.

One, you can never unfriend her.

Two, you cannot lie or keep secrets from her.

Three, and maybe the most important of them all, you are not allowed to fall in love with her older brother. Na Jaemin is off limits.

Off limits until you can’t hold yourself back. Until life and death separate a promise made before you could even fathom how hard you could fall for someone else. They say the right people will always walk into your life, and you liked to believe that you were destined to meet the Na’s.

But you never knew it would come to this. They always talk about when they come in, but never when they walk out.

“Mom, we’re home!” Jaeyoung called through the front door, kicking her shoes off. You’d both been friends for so long that it felt like a second home now. You even knew where all of their dishes sat in the kitchen cupboards. Before you could even think about making your sweaty self presentable after the sweltering walk back to her neighborhood, a figure walked in from the kitchen.

“She’s not here,” Jaemin said, passing the two of you with a homemade brownie in hand. “Oh, hey Y/n,”

“Hi,” you managed to force out, flustered. Jaemin always made you so embarrassingly nervous.

Jaeyoung rolled her eyes from beside you.

“Okay, then don’t bother us. We’re going to my room,” she announced. Jaemin cared so little, he didn’t even respond as he collapsed onto the couch. Jaeyoung grabbed your hand and dragged you up the stairs, huffing so quietly you couldn’t hear it over the deafening beat of your heart.

Her room was silent when the door closed. It didn’t stay like that for long.

“Do you like my brother?” Jaeyoung blurted out, her accusation making you pause. How did she know? Were you that obvious? If you were, then did Jaemin see it too?

Jaeyoung didn’t let you respond before she continued.

“It’s so annoying,” she complained, dropping her bag onto the floor by her desk before sitting into the chair. “It’s like I can’t have any friends without them liking Jaemin. You know what Hina told me? She said that Luna only invited me to her birthday party because she was hoping I would invite her to mine. So she could see Jaemin,”

The longer Jaeyoung ranted to you the guiltier you felt. In sixth grade, her juvenile problems overshadowed any measly little crush you had.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your eyes cast down in shame. A part of you wondered why it was such a crime to like someone, but apparently she had control of your feelings concerning her brother. Your mind strayed to one of the two rules she had established back in elementary school.

You can’t keep any secrets from her.

“Yeah, I like him. Not a lot though. You know Sungchan? He got cuter over the summer, don’t you think?”

You always said all the right things to her, even if they weren’t true. But lies were okay, if they covered the ones that would make her upset. Rules weren’t concrete like that.

“Just promise me you’ll stop liking him. Promise me you’ll always be mine, not his,”

She added another rule that day. One you would never come to understand.

“I promise,”

~

Between you and Jaeyoung, she was always the popular one. So much so that some people knew you not by name but simply ‘Jaeyoung’s friend’. Just like she was known as ‘Jaemin’s little sister’. There was no label for him, though. He was at the top of the food chain.

It was a dynamic you had grown used to over the years, and while it used to bother you, it didn’t cross your mind much anymore. Until today.

“Prom is tonight, Y/n. You seriously don’t have time to find a date,” Jaeyoung chastised, sitting on the worn pink rug on her bedroom floor. You were sprawled across her mattress, face down into the sheets in defeat.

“I know, Jaeyoung. But it’s not like I have that many guys pining over me to go with them,” you replied, your words muffled. This sad predicament had been on your mind for so long that you didn’t have the energy to cry about it anymore.

“It’s okay, you can just tag along with Jaehyun and I if you want,” she chirped, her mood significantly brightening at the new topic of interest.

Right, because I totally want to third wheel to prom with my best friend and her hot, college sophomore date.

“Maybe I just won’t go,” you sighed, flipping yourself over and onto your back. Jaeyoung’s ceiling was suddenly the most interesting thing you’ve ever seen.

“You’ll change your mind,” Jaeyoung sighed, flopping down beside you. “I know you will,”

She was wrong. For the most part, you guessed.

Two hours and a constant internal debate later, you were sitting on Jaeyoung’s bed watching her as she shimmied into her dress and observed herself in the mirror.

“It’s a bit scratchy, but I can handle it,” Jaeyoung commented, twirling her body around. Your snug sweatpants and the unoccupied dress hanging from her closet were a firm reminder of your decision.

“Beauty is pain,” you joked, a smile plastered onto your face. Her excitement excited you, and that was enough. “What time is he going to pick you up?”

“Ten minutes from now,” she replied, glancing at the clock. Jaeyoung reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, something she always did when she was nervous. You’d met Jaehyun before, and although he wasn’t necessarily her boyfriend, you had a feeling that would change once graduation came around. You had an inkling Jaeyoung was going to be in for a romantic summer.

“Well, you look beautiful, Jaeyoung,” you sighed. Your best friend turned to look back at you, her dolled up eyes sparkling.

“She sure does,” a voice spoke.

It was hard not to recognize him, even from a glance. You’d committed his entire being to memory from afar all these years. Jaemin stood in the doorway, his black hair tousled messily like it always was. He was smiling widely at his sister, who had gasped, with a singular, measly balloon floating above his head reading ‘PROM!’. Your heart froze as you watched him enter, giving Jaeyoung a big bear hug as he laughed.

Jaemin was back.

“I thought your flight got delayed!” Jaeyoung cried incredulously, but Jaemin only shrugged as he backed away.

Why didn’t Jaeyoung tell you he was flying in today?

“It looks like I made it just in time,” he shrugged. He glanced at you, confusion subtly flashing across his face. Jaemin looked like he was about to say something, maybe greet you, before a voice rang up the stairs and the doorbell chime echoed through the house.

“Oh no, he’s early!” Jaeyoung cried, scrambling to shove a few essentials into her small handbag before dashing out the door. She didn’t spare you a glance in the midst of her frenzy.

You and Jaemin both watched her leave, and the room fell under a cloak of awkward silence. You could feel his stare from across the room, and you knew how odd this may have appeared. You looked down into your lap, hoping he would just leave. He did the opposite, though. Shocker.

“Are you not going?” Jaemin asked, his eyes watching you though he didn’t move a hair closer. If anything, the answer was pretty obvious. Your silence was answer enough, and he sighed before leaving the room altogether. Good job, Y/n.

You wished you could say it wasn’t always like this, but there was no Jaemin if Jaeyoung wasn’t involved. In a way, it was his sister’s doing, but you didn’t know how to handle being around him. And so you were always the awkward little-sister's-best friend with a veil of girlish sheepishness you could never shake, her old words ringing through her head over and over.

“Promise you’ll always be mine, not his,”

You weren’t sure how long it had been, and the entire night could’ve passed when Jaemin walked back into the room and you nearly voiced out loud how much you wanted him to leave you alone. You were upset and vulnerable right now because of this situation and the last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of him.

So you continued looking down without a word.

“Y/n,” Jaemin spoke with caution, hesitation laced through his words in a tone you had never heard from him before. Especially because you were always around him when he was around his family, you’d always seen the lax, nonchalant side of him. Jaemin never seemed to care about anything.

But you lifted your head slowly, finally looking him in the eye, and he was pleading.

He was wearing a simple black tuxedo, his hair the same mess it always was. It didn’t complete the look, but it was so uniquely him that it didn’t matter much.

Jaemin was holding his hand out to you.

“Would you like to go to Prom with me?” he whispered, your eyes darting between his face to his hand to his clothes, with barely the capacity to comprehend that this was actually happening.

“Jaeyoung wouldn’t want me to,”

You hated that that was the first thing you thought of saying. You could see in his expression that he felt the same. Jaemin kept his hand out stubbornly, his eyes boring into yours.

“I don’t want you to miss out on this, Y/n. And if you going out to have fun on your prom night can’t spare Jaeyoung’s feelings, then I’m willing to take the fall with you,”

He’d been back in town for less than two hours and he’d already made a ruckus. Jaemin knew this might blow up in his face, but when he looked at yours and saw the pain behind the mask made for his sister, he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk away without regret.

And so you placed your hand in his, and committed your favorite crime.

~

It was hard to say you were fashionably late when it was clear in your appearance that you had just thrown on your dress and slapped some minimal makeup on your face. You hadn’t had time, though, so you hoped everyone would be looking at Jaemin instead as you clutched his arm on the way inside. His parents had gone on one of their biweekly evening walks, so Jaemin saw it as a perfect opportunity to snatch the keys and race off with you in their car.

The gymnasium looked completely different, decorated to be like stepping foot into another realm outside from the darkly lit parking lot outside. The theme this year was Under the Stars, very cliche, but it came out much better than you thought it would. And before you could admire the atmosphere any longer, you were interrupted by a familiar face.

“Y/n! You’re here. I was beginning to think you weren’t showing up, especially when Jaeyoung showed up without you,”

Luna was this year’s class president and prom coordinator, and although she always alluded to positivity, you could see through her sometimes. Like now, in particular, as she glanced at your date and nearly let her grimace slip through.

“Hello! You’re Jaemin, right? Jaeyoung’s brother. I’m actually a really good friend of hers,” Luna introduced, although you both knew she knew exactly who Jaemin was. But, Jaemin being Jaemin, he introduced himself obliviously. Despite the anxieties of the consequences of running into Jaeyoung, you couldn’t help but stand there proudly holding onto Jaemin’s arm. For what it’s worth, every girl would be jealous of you tonight, even if you were one of the hopeless piners yourself.

“Now, if you’ll walk over here and stand on this X, yes, perfect, we’ll be taking your picture,”

Luna pointed at the man standing behind the camera and signalled for you two to smile, and you twisted your body awkwardly in his hold. You were sure you looked frazzled from behind the lens but Jaemin threw out a playful “Cheese!” that brought laughter out of you. Luna clapped her hands together and snatched the copies from the photo printer. You watched her observe them for a second before Jaemin took them from her, missing the squint in his eyes.

Jaemin handed one to you and looked down at the other, bringing it closer to his face under the dim lighting. Jaemin’s heart melting smile was on display, a strand of black hair in his eyes, and beside him, encased in his arms, you were smiling widely with your eyes scrunched up in laughter.

“Oh no, I look horrible,” you whined, trying to snatch Jaemin’s copy away, but he was already giggling and stuffing it into his pants pocket. You groaned as he grasped your hand in his.

“You look cute,” Jaemin giggled, turning to lead you deeper into the crowd in time to miss the lovesick look on your face. You turned to wave goodbye to Luna, but she was already gone.

It was still hard to fathom that you were here with Jaemin, even as he caught the eye of everyone you passed to reassure you he was the one leading you through the sea of bodies. You couldn’t help but feel insecure. And as Jaemin stopped near the back corner of the venue where there were less wandering eyes, he noticed that something was off.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning back against the blue paper-covered wall and finally letting go of your hand. His infectious smile was beginning to fall.

“I’m sorry you have to go to a highschool prom with your sister’s best friend,” you sighed, joining him in leaning of exhaustion and shame. Your eyes were scanning the crowd, subconsciously searching for the sister in question, but soon your vision was obstructed and you found yourself staring into the same intense eyes you knew too well.

“Who was the one that dragged you here?” Jaemin questioned, his tone frustrated. He was trying to convey something to you for you to understand, and clearly you didn’t seem to get it. His arm was supporting his body on the wall behind your head, caging you in. “I wanted to bring you here, Y/n. Whether you’re very happy about it now or not, I know you will be tomorrow morning. And if not then, then when college starts. Or maybe even 50 years from now when you’ll start realizing that you don’t owe Jaeyoung anything anymore,”

The last sentence came out without Jaemin even thinking about it, and it shocked the both of you. Jaemin huffed, his head dropping toward the ground.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he sighed.

I just don’t want you to hide from me for a lifetime.

His subconscious had a palm to his mouth. Jaemin said it, almost.

“You know, the whole point of a school dance is to, well, dance, right?” Jaemin suddenly chirped up, his head raising once again, his demeanor shifting in seconds. Your sudden anxiety from the suggestion distracted you from the change.

“I can’t dance,” you whined, trying to withstand the force he was tugging you toward the dance floor. Not only did you not want to embarrass yourself with your lack of skills, you also didn’t want to leave the security of the corner you were in. Being out in the open like this left too much room for Jaeyoung to spot you.

“Too bad. Dancing is just moving to music, and I’m pretty sure you can move, Y/n,” Jaemin argued.

Yeah, Jaemin did actually want to get you to dance, but he also wanted to get himself out of that little moment before he said something really stupid.

The DJ was playing an upbeat, lyricless song that most of the dancers were jumping along to, and you silently wondered how the girls could possibly get in the air in their heels. You were wobbling enough as it is.

Jaemin took both your hands in his and spent twice the effort dancing for the both of you, pulling you along to the beat. He admired the way your dress shone under the fluorescent blue lighting. A smile was slowly beginning to creep up your face, and that was enough.

Two songs in and your walls had been torn down by Jaemin, your body moving carelessly along with his as he showed off all his questionable moves. He had you laughing hysterically, body hunched as he mildly impressed you with his body rolls and overexaggerated facial expressions. He sent you a final wink as he bowed with the outro of the song, laughing in that endearing way where he would clap his hands like a seal.

But then the music changed. The lights dimmed and everything slowed for a moment, the night winding down to an end. It was the moment everyone had been waiting for. The slow song.

They changed it abruptly and without warning, as if they wanted to see how everyone would react. In your own little world, you and Jaemin’s eyes met, and even with the racing anxiety in you, there was nothing stopping you from wrapping your arms around his neck. Jaemin had the ghost of a smile on his face, his features trying to be serious as he snaked his hands to the dip of your hips. His hands were big as they ran rampant on your curves, sending chills up to the top of your head.

With your growing confidence tonight, and the way he didn’t hold back with his grazes, you found it in yourself to touch his nape, your fingers hesitating to reach into his hair until he tilted his head to the side and leant into your touch. He hummed as you wound your fingers through the soft strands, his head knocking forward until your foreheads touched, his eyes closed. Your breath caught in your throat and you were sure he noticed, but he didn’t say anything as you continued the slow sway to the piano in the background.

This may have been the closest you’ve ever been to Jaemiin. It was quite amazing, really, that you’d known this boy all this time, yet the history books of you and him were blank.

“Aren’t you glad you came?” he asked, his eyelashes fluttering. You could barely find it in yourself to respond, not when he was in front of you like this. You were on a one way trip down the hole in your heart designated for him and your unfeasible infatuation.

“Yeah,”

Below your restricted line of sight, Jaemin smiled bigger than he had all night, because all he wanted for you right now was to be happy. To enjoy one of the last moments of your senior year with him, wait, without Jaeyoung. Just for the night, or even just for a moment, something could finally be yours to keep.

And for a moment, you forgot about Jaeyoung, and Luna, and everyone else really but Jaemin. He was all you could see, feel, you were surrounded by him and it was inescapable. After tonight, you’d never want to go back to the way things used to be.

But you’d never had a choice before, so why did you ever think that would change? Because you were in love, and you were naive. You thought you were invincible, and that everyone else around you was, too.

“You’re fucking kidding,”

You shot away from Jaemin so fast he barely had time to register it, his tight grip on your waist trailing with you until he stumbled a bit forward. Your eyes somehow tracked her down immediately, your guilt-ridden face finding Jaeyoung’s just a few feet away. Even with your best friend right in front of you, all you could comprehend was the music still playing and how upset you were that you didn’t even get to finish the song.

“I must be imaging this right now,” Jaeyoung scoffed, her eyes wild behind her pretty face. Was she really this upset?

“I brought her here, Jae,” Jaemin cut in, stepping a bit in front of you. It was the first mistake made that night.

“No, no, really. This is all a joke, right?” Jaeyoung cried, looking between the two of you. Betrayal was written across her face and you should’ve known this would happen. Jaeyoung was nothing if not true to her beliefs. If you thought for a second that she would be happy for you, seeing you enjoying the night instead of wallowing alone, you were wrong.

You were so fucking wrong.

“You promised,” Jaeyoung whispered, her initial anger fizzling. Despite how happy you felt before, and how little you understood her resentment, you still found the guilt setting in as you realized how upset your best friend was over this. You never knew the consequences would be to this degree, because all this time, you’d complied.

“Calm down, Jaeyoung,” Jaemin muttered, observing the influx of attention towards her little scene. Mistake number two.

“Give me the keys,” Jaeyoung demanded. You glanced at Jaemin, doubting if he would really do it.

You didn’t notice then that she was alone. You didn’t realize then that Jaehyun wasn’t with her anymore.

“Give me the keys, Jaemin,” she said again, her tone calmer yet sharper than before. Jaemin reached into his pocket and placed the car keys in her hand.

It was the final nail in a coffin that shut in silence. You should say something. Why couldn’t you say anything to her?

But would you have sacrificed your happiness for her? For the umpteenth time? You’d never know. No one would. Because Jaeyoung stormed out before you could even try to defend yourself. You stepped forward to follow her, but Jaemin grabbed your arm and pulled you back. He shook his head at you, and you listened. Maybe that was the third mistake. Strike out.

They say the right people will always walk into your life. But they never talk about when they walk out.

Jaeyoung walked out that night, and whether it would’ve been for good or not on any other day, it was for good that night. Because destiny was cruel.

The call came an hour later. You wished it never did. Your shoulder was brushing against his as you sat on the curb of the sidewalk when Jaemin’s phone rang.

“Jaemin, are you and Y/n still at the school?” his mother spoke, Jaemin’s phone on speaker as you both looked at each other. It was the last time you’d ever meet his eyes without seeing your monsters. If only you knew then to engrave it into your memory.

You didn’t know anything that night. It was heaven just a moment ago, why did things have to change?

“Yeah, why?” he asked. She sounded so distraught, you already knew there was something wrong. You just never thought it would be the truth.

“She’s--” her voice got caught in a sob, choking her.

“Who? Jaeyoung?” Jaemin spoke, his voice getting more frightened each second that passed as you both waited for her to find her voice again.

“She’s been in an accident. You need to come home,”

The phone dropped to the ground. What a cruel, cruel world it was.

~

“Come on, Y/n! We don’t have much time!” Jaeyoung called to you, her long legs taking steps that dwarfed your own. You had your growth spurt a bit later than everyone else, and in the eighth grade, that made you significantly shorter than your best friend.

Your hand was clasped in hers as she dragged you through the crowd. She knew where your families were, waiting for the two of you to come back from a trip to the ice cream stand. People were standing, some settled on blankets atop the grass, everyone looking up toward the town’s clocktower. You two had one minute.

“Jaeyoung, over here!” It was Jaemin. He was in ninth grade at the time, and to you, that meant he was officially out of your league. High schooler Na Jaemin was too cool to hang out with a middle school girl. Especially if she was his little sister’s best friend.

“Did you get your ice cream?” your mother asked the two of you, and you both gave a thumbs up in unison. The gesture was followed up with a chorus of synchronous, girlish giggles just as the countdown began.

10!

You and Jaeyoung missed the first number, but now you've caught up.

9!

Jaeyoung nudged your shoulder.

8!

She pointed at the colorful lights above your heads.

7!

A chill breeze blew past, and you held your jacket tighter around your body.

6!

Jaemin playfully reached over to try and cover Jaeyoung’s eyes.

5!

She slapped his hand away with a laugh.

4!

Jaemin stole a glance at you, your wide eyes scanning the dark sky in anticipation.

3!

You didn’t notice.

2!

Jaeyoung wrapped an arm around you and held you close.

1!

Fireworks exploded before your very eyes, a flurry of cold fire and blazing color. You’d never seen something so beautifully chaotic, the noise ringing through your ears. If you could dream long enough, you would stay in this moment forever.

But dreams weren’t forever, and no matter how hard you tried to run towards them, you would only look back and see a world where Jaeyoung was no longer there.

------------------------------

Nothing felt like anything anymore. It was all a blank void in which you lived without really being alive. Everyone pitied you. That might’ve been the worst part. You didn’t want their pity, you just wanted her back.

You wished it were some miracle story, the ones you hear in the news where the teen girl gets hospitalized and makes an earth shattering recovery, one where people send their thoughts and prayers to her and it actually works. You could think about that night, all those weeks ago, but it was too painful. So you didn’t.

It was a story so heartbreaking you played it over and over again in your head. She swerved away from a deer in the road. The car was reported to have wrapped around a tree trunk. Jaeyoung died upon impact.

She always loved animals. More than anything, she had wanted to be a veterinarian. Fuck animals. They didn’t deserve her. And fuck deers, while we’re at it.

Graduation passed by unceremoniously. You didn’t attend, and you only heard the stories. They showed her picture, apparently.

Fuck them.

You slept whenever you could. It was the only way you could escape the world you didn’t want to be a part of anymore. You felt her absence everywhere, even in your dreams. You didn’t go by her house anymore, her car sat still in their driveway, the clothes she had forgotten still sat in your drawers. But despite how frozen her reality became, it didn't mean shit to everyone else’s reality.

You almost envied her. Almost, but you would never say it out loud. You could barely even think it. But, she really was lucky in her own morbid way. She didn’t have to stay behind and harness the pain you felt. The pain her parent’s felt. And, you were sure, the pain her brother felt.

Jaemin hadn’t been around since that night. It’s been days now.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks to months, and soon enough all your classmates were flying away on airplanes while you sat in the room you were a part of now. You were just another pillow on the bed.

It’s just a gap year. People take a year off before college all the time.

Avoiding was all you did now.

You found ways to cope. Besides wasting away in your room, you found a new passion for puzzles. It sounds boring, sure, but there was a certain calm you got out of putting the last remaining piece in its place, completing the picture in just the way it was destined to. There were no mistakes, no broken edges, and no pieces lost. It can’t go on without a single piece. Not in the perfect world of puzzles.

In your small town there were little places to turn to. Little people to talk to without them knowing. Jaeyoung’s accident was one of the most detrimental things to happen this year, and thus, it trailed you no matter where you went.

But today, you decided to be brave. For Jaeyoung.

You didn’t know what sparked the idea or the motivation, but you got yourself up off your bed and grabbed the keys from the tired, hardworking hanger. They hadn’t left their place in months.

What you didn’t anticipate was the fear of getting inside a car. Muscle memory failed you as your hands shook around the car, pushing your keys inside and shifting the gear. It was now or never, you told yourself. You’d already asked your mom to pick up the bouquet for you, so that left only one stop. And off you went.

The thing you hated about going out now was seeing the bustling lives of the world around you. It didn’t make sense how your world could be falling apart at the seams while everyone else seemed fine. Well, not fine, maybe stressed about the coffee line in the morning, or rushing on their lunch break, but it was all the little things. The kind of things that didn’t block your airways everytime you thought about it. Thought about them.

You focused your eyes straight forward, concentrating on getting yourself to your destination. The engine’s low hum was mesmerizing, the soundtrack to your journey outside again. Strangely, and sadly, a car ride would never be just a car ride anymore.

When you made it to your destination, you pulled to the side of the road and let your car run for a while as you calmed yourself in your seat. You hadn’t even taken your seatbelt off yet, considering simply driving off and never coming back.

But then you thought about your best friend, and you knew you had to get out of your car. Whether you wanted to or not.

The winds were high today and the sun was already making its descent in the later half of the day, trees stretching beyond you on either side. They were tall, haunting pine trees that looked more alive the longer you paid attention to them. And on the right shoulder, just beyond the road in a divet you would’ve never noticed otherwise, was Jaeyoung.

Well, just her face on a big poster staked into the ground.

You were content staring down at your bunch of white roses as you approached, your feet tiptoeing around the mess of flowers and notes nestled in the grass. You wondered how many people had visited the spot in the past months. You wondered who they were. If they really knew Jaeyoung like you did.

Condolences, Fly High, We’ll Miss You. Cards you would find in the grievance section of the card aisle in the grocery store. Right next to the Happy Birthday and 50th Anniversary messages. Maybe they could play music, too.

Your card was in your head. Written in your heart, but not ready to be shared. You’d come here with this grand plan to pour your heart out to her, if she was listening, and if not, to the tree trunk standing proudly oblivious to the tragedy.

But all you could do was set the flowers down nicely, and walk back to your car.

~

“Y/n, honey,” a voice called from outside your door, and you shut your laptop screen playing the show you knew you wouldn’t finish. It was your mom as she opened the door and peeked through the crack. “Your father and I are going out to dinner tonight with the Na’s. If you--want to come, then you’re fully welcome to,”

You didn’t miss the hesitating pause in her sentence, and while they tried their best to act like everything was normal, you knew your parents were growing tired of your detachment. Just because Jaeyoung’s parents lost their daughter, didn’t mean they had to lose theirs too.

“Maybe,” you replied. She clearly didn’t like your answer. “Is Jaemin going to be there?”

“Would you go if he was?”

What a loaded question. Would you? Why did you even ask? A part of you, more than you cared to admit, wanted to blame him. If only you hadn’t let him convince you into going, if only he hadn’t given her the keys and let Jaeyoung drive when she was so upset. If only he wasn’t so addicting.

But you still thought about him. Everyday. You wondered how he was doing, when he was going to leave for college again. There were a lot of things you wanted to say to him, and for him to say to you.

“I’ll let you decide. We’re leaving in an hour,” was the last thing she said before your mom closed the door once again.

When was the last time you went out to eat? Was it your cousin’s birthday dinner six weeks ago? You thought so. It would be a lie to say you really wanted to go.

But you knew you should. Your pain must’ve been nothing compared to what Jaeyoung’s parents felt, and that was enough to get you out of your bed.

“It’s so nice to see you guys,” your dad greeted, sitting down beside Jaeyoung’s father as you and your mother followed suit. The couple had gotten to the restaurant a bit earlier than the three of you, already seated at the table.

Two empty chairs remained. No one said anything about it.

“It feels like it’s been forever,” her mother said, and it was the truth. It had been forever. You used to see them every week.

If you tuned everything out and shut your eyes, it’d be just like any other night. Jaeyoung would be sitting beside you, playing with her straw wrapper as the adults talked about college tuition and politics. Maybe Jaemin would’ve been there too, studying the menu for far too long trying to settle the indecisiveness in his head.

But that’s what separated you from the adults. They got straight to the point. No sugarcoating, and no avoiding.

“We’re holding the funeral in two weeks,” Jaeyoung’s dad spoke, a cloud of grief looming over the table. “And we’d like to ask you all for some help in the planning,”

“Of course,” your mom agreed, immediately. So composed. So compassionate. Your parents were here to be there for her parents, not for you.

You sat silently as they discussed. They talked about the budget, the venue, the list of attendees. It would be a smaller service, consisting of family and friends. The dress code wouldn’t be black, they didn’t want it to be sad. It was to be a celebration of life.

“And, if it’s not too much to ask, Y/n,” At the mention of your name you finally drew yourself back into the conversation, having pushed it further aside the longer it dragged on. “We’d like you to speak at the service,”

Your heart dropped. That was quite possibly the last thing you’d ever want to do. How would you ever be able to stand up in front of all those people, all of whom knew Jaeyoung, and force words out of your mouth? What would you even say? Would it be appropriate to apologize, because that’s all you’d ever wanted to say to your best friend since that night. That you were so fucking sorry.

“I can’t,” you whispered, before you could even think about replying. Your parent’s faces dropped.

“Y/n, they’re asking you for this one thing. Jaeyoung would want you to speak--”

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, standing up from your seat. You’d only made it to the complimentary bread. Looking back, you were surprised you even sat there that long. You couldn’t stand the looks in their eyes.

You weaved through the tables, dodging waiters and heading out the back exit. You didn’t know where you were going. Anywhere from there.

“Y/n?” a voice called. You hated how you recognized it immediately. You ignored Jaemin’s calls as you fled, away from the truth and away from the boy who would always remind you of her. Your ears were ringing when he grabbed your arm.

“Where are you going?” he asked, and he cupped your face in his hands and forced you to look at him. When did you start crying? You only realized when the image of his face came back blurry through your tears.

You ripped your face away from his touch. It burned your skin. But not like it used to, no. This wasn’t a good burn. Your skin was in pain and all you wanted to do was escape from his flame.

Jaemin must’ve been around the back of the restaurant for a while. Your eyes darted to the place where he had been standing beside the door, a bottle of some cheap, drugstore alcohol sat open on the ground. You frowned in distaste. For the split second he let his guard down as he noticed your judgement, you turned on your heel and walked away once again.

“Y/n, y/n wait,”

Fuck. You stopped, but you didn’t turn around. His voice had grown small now, defeated, and he was pleading with you this time. He wasn’t ordering you, he wasn’t scolding you.

“Just let me drive you home, please. I drank two sips from that beer, I promise,”

“Why?” you cried, your face scrunching in pain out of his view. He knew how painful this was, right? “I really don’t want to right now, Jaemin,”

“I can’t-” he paused, and you glanced over your shoulder to see the tears in his eyes. “I can’t let you walk away without knowing you get home safe. Not anymore. Just let me drive you home,”

The car ride back was silent, the tears drying on his cheeks as they flowed down yours. Jaemin got a new car, you noticed. You both didn’t address the half empty pack of beer in the backseat.

When he pulled into your empty driveway no words had been exchanged still, and you surely weren’t going to say something first, so you got out and didn’t look back. Only when you closed the front door shut did you hear his engine run once again.

Car rides were never just car rides anymore. It was the first time you’d seen Jaemin in three months.

~

Jaemin couldn’t stop thinking about you. Not for a second. And that was the undeniable, heartbreaking truth.

He thought about turning his car around that day he dropped you off. Would you have answered the door if he knocked? Would you have nursed his heart like he wanted you to?

He dropped out of college. It wasn’t his proudest moment, and his parents definitely weren’t happy about it, but in a way, he could see the relief they felt with him in the house again. Jaemin didn’t know if they would’ve been able to handle an empty house. That wasn’t to say he was always home. Jaemin spent his nights out late these days, with no company. He was always alone, doing something useless with his time, because who was there to tell him to get on with his life?

He blamed himself a lot, when things got really fucking bad. And then he’d feel like the air was gone around him, and he couldn’t breathe. Jaemin knew he did a lot of things wrong that night, but it was done now. Now, he had a new problem on the horizon. You.

He didn’t even know what the hell he had been caught up in not to call you. Jaemin knew he should’ve checked up on you, and that’s what made him regret it even more.

He tried to drown it out with the alcohol, but he’d grown immune to it by now.

He didn’t expect to walk into his house four days later and see you sitting there in his living room. Was he dreaming? He heard voices from the kitchen, one he recognized as your mother’s, but all he could see was you. Your eyes were squeezed shut and your hands were in fists by your sides, and Jaemin felt a rush of anger through him. The adults could be so clueless sometimes. How could they not see you here, suffering?

A vague voice in the back of his mind told him that maybe he shouldn’t have, but he stormed up to you and grabbed your arm. You were jolted up by the contact, but Jaemin ignored it as he pulled you up and toward the door.

“Where are we going?” you hiccuped, eyes looking everywhere but the lonely car in the driveway. Jaemin was silent in his anger, leading you toward his car near the sidewalk and guiding you in.

He drove to the first place he could think of.

Him and Jaeyoung would come here a lot when they were kids, a field on the western outskirts of town. It was where they held the annual fireworks show to mark the beginning of each new year. It was empty this time around, which Jaemin wanted.

He didn’t wait for you as he got out of the car and strolled a few steps forward, scanning the endless sight of grass before him. You followed him moments later, sticking your side to the door of his car as you watched him, waiting. He had brought you here, and you wanted to know why.

“Why aren’t you going to college?” he asked. You swallowed, your body caving inward as the wind blew past you. You barely had legs to stand on anymore.

“Gap year,” you answered, short and simply. You hated that he sounded disappointed when he was standing here on a September evening too. “There’s nothing out there for me anymore,”

“You should’ve left this town,” he murmured, so quietly you wondered if he was really talking about you anymore. Regret was laced in his voice. Frustration simmered in you. If he was so knowledgeable on what’s good for you, why couldn’t he figure it out for himself?

“There’s nothing out there for me anymore,”

Jaemin sighed, leaving his distant position to round the car. He didn’t look at you as he approached you, but soon he was right in front of your face and you couldn’t ignore now how hurtful your words must’ve been.

And then his arms wrapped around you, and you felt even worse.

“I know you don’t mean that. I know you’re upset right now,” he murmured, his mouth near your ear and his cheek brushing against your hair.

But the sun was setting and the light was washing away, and you knew your parents must be wondering where you went.

“Don’t move,” he whispered, clutching onto you with his hair over his face and tears in his eyes.

“Jaemin, I have to go,” you croaked, your mind begging your body to move. But no matter how much you willed it to, it couldn’t. It was your heavy heart rooting you in place.

“Can’t we just stay like this?” he asked. Jaemin sunk into you. He always had a fear of falling. “Can we start over?”

“It’s getting dark,”

“I think darkness is beautiful. Our fears stare us straight in the face but we can’t even see them. The sky could fall to my feet and I wouldn’t know it,”

Pretty profound words from the boy who never really showed emotion. You realized you didn’t know much about Jaemin, and it crushed you.

“But would you hear it, you think?”

“I don’t think so. I’d like to think our worlds would decay in silence,”

------------------------------

You were lying awake in your bed, the night growing older and the silence ringing in your ears. You jolted in shock when something hit your window. You knew who it must’ve been before you peered out to look, hoping you were wrong yet begging that you were right.

Jaemin stood in front of your one-story window, peering inside with tears painting his cheeks. You opened the window and allowed him inside, no questions asked as you accepted that this was the way things were now. Days can be so good until one bad thought and they’re ruined.

Jaemin stood in your room awkwardly, looking around. The endless stack of puzzle boxes caught his eye, but he didn’t say anything about them. You realized it was the first time he’d ever been in here. You closed the window shut again, and was then pulled by the arm abruptly. Your face was dangerously close to his now, and now you had a few questions.

“Why are you here, Jaemin?” you asked, wanting so badly to touch his cheek, but you refrained. He was silent for a while before he thought up an answer.

“I wanted- needed to see you,” Jaemin responded, his eyes cast down like he was distracted by something. “I hate being alone at night these days,”

You didn’t know what to think of that. Was he always with people at night? Other girls?

You were intensely aware of his fingers grazing your arm, his touch blazing a path down your skin. You wanted to tell him to stop, his fire burning a bigger hole in your chest, but you didn’t want to. Not when he was right here, looking at you like that.

You both knew he was using you, pushing all feelings aside for distraction, but neither of you cared.

His lips were on yours in an instant, fierce and hungry and not like how you imagined your first kiss with him at all. His hand covered the back of your head and pulled you impossibly closer, breathing you in like you were his lifeline. Maybe you were.

“Tell me this is okay,” Jaemin panted between kisses, never long enough to really get the words out. Now that he got something he couldn’t seem to get enough.

“It’s okay, Jaemin. Keep going,”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

Jaemin led the both of you blindly to the bed disregarding your parents upstairs. Your back landed onto the mattress and you bounced a bit into his chest, his body pressed flush against you.

Your lips were so sweet, Jaemin was drunk on them. His heart was racing just as fast as yours, shocked by the gravity of the situation despite being the instigator. His brain was spinning and his actions were justified by the ache in his heart and the longing he had for you.

Your arms were linked around his neck when his hands slid underneath your thin tank top, groaning at the smoothness of your skin. Fuck, your heart was about to burst out of your chest.

Both your shirts were gone in a rush, your hands searching for a touch as you ran your fingertips down the length of his torso. You felt him shudder beneath you, a heavy breath releasing harshly out his nose. His lips traveled down to your neck, and you wondered if he could feel your pulse under your skin. Jaemin nibbled lightly behind your ear, reveling in your whimpers. He traveled down even further, taking one breast and descending his mouth onto it. You brought a palm to your mouth trying to cover your moans, and Jaemin had the capacity to smirk up at your reaction. His tongue lapped over your nipple slowly, sensually, before moving onto the other side.

Your back lifted up off the mattress, into his touch, one of his arms scooping underneath your torso to pull you up and support your arch. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pulling and tugging to keep yourself grounded.

“Jaemin,” you whispered, pulling a bit harder on your head until he looked up at you. “I want to feel you now, please,”

Jaemin had been trying to hold himself back, take his time and test the waters, but it took that one plea for him to unleash his desires.

“Fuck,” he growled, kissing you softly, your lips sticking together. He nipped your bottom lip slyly before leaning back a little.

Jaemin sat up and tore his pants and underwear off in one go, turning over to help you out of your flimsy shorts. You were both bare now, the dim moonlight flooding in through your window to cast glowing shadows across your bodies. You both stayed still there for a moment, taking the other in. Regret didn’t hit either of you until now, staring the situation in the face, but you surely weren’t going to stop when you’d already gone this far.

“Condom?” he asked, but you shook your head.

“Are you clean?” you asked. “I’m on contraceptives,”

“I’m clean, I promise,” Jaemin replied, soothing your worries and reaching down to pet your head affectionately. “Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready for a long time,” you joked, and Jaemin chuckled lightly, looking down at his length. He stroked it a few times, shifting his hips down as you felt the tip poke against your entrance. You were aware of how embarrassingly wet you’d gotten from so little interaction, but Jaemin groaned at the feeling.

“You’re so fucking wet, all for me,” he murmured, sinking slowly into your inviting entrance. You whined at the stretch, his thick length stretching you out. Your body was quite inexperienced with sizes as large as his.

“You’re doing great for me, baby,” He let the pet name slip, but it hung low over both of your heads. Once Jaemin bottomed out, you both sighed in sync.

“You’re so big,” you whispered, and Jaemin leaned down closer to your face to place a feather-like kiss to your lips. His forehead rested against your own, his breathing ragged as he held himself back from pounding into you. “You can move now, Jaem,”

Jaemin’s warmth pulled away from you again and relocated to your hips, his large hands gripping your body roughly as he thrusted slowly in and out. There was no noise in your room apart from the heavy breathing and lewd squelches of your entrance, Jaemin glancing down entranced by the sight of his cock slipping in and out of you.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed, under his breath like he didn’t mean for you to hear it. Your sweaty palm was still covering your mouth, but Jaemin tugged your arm down and released your open mouth to the cool air. He wanted to hear the effect he had on you.

Jaemin was beginning to speed up, his grip tightening its hold as he pulled your hips down onto his every time he thrust forward. You felt him everywhere, deep in your stomach like he was becoming a part of you.

“Jaemin, fuck,” you moaned, your hands coming up to grip your breasts trying to level your floating brain. Jaemin’s eyes darted to the sight and widened, his lip tugging between his teeth harshly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he admitted. “Wanted to fuck this tight little pussy for so long. So fucking long,” He punctuated each word with a harsh thrust, hard enough to push you a bit further up the bed like he was trying to prove something.

Jaemin was trying to show you that he could make you feel good. That he wasn’t always going to make you feel shitty, even when it wasn’t intentional.

“Are you close?” he asked breathlessly. You hummed in affirmation. Jaemin slipped a hand down to your pussy, his thumb reaching out to rub harshly against your clit. You sucked in a breath, not daring to breathe with the risk of crying out. You let it out slowly, a squeaky whine coming out instead.

You were thrashing around underneath Jaemin, your walls pulsating around his cock. His eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed, grunting softly as you orgasmed around him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned, his pace unfaltering as he chased his own high. 30 seconds later he buried himself in your walls, his cum shooting deep inside of you. Your walls were still clenching around his softening cock, muscles in your body twitching sporadically as you came down from your orgasm. And as you came off your high, the closer you got to the ground. To reality.

Jaemin was in your room right now, the mixture of yours and his cum leaking out of your entrance and onto the sheets. It was real, the fact that you had just fucked Jaemin. You weren’t sure if this was right for either of you emotionally, but it felt so fucking good. You and Jaemin were self destructive.

------------------------------

“I’d like to thank you all for attending our celebration of life. Tonight is a special night, one that my husband and I wanted to share with you all,”

You sat in the lawn chair frozen, eyes fixated on Jaeyoung’s mother as she stood bravely before the crowd, using her time to address all the guests. Tonight was the night of Jaeyoung’s funeral, and while you were supposed to speak, you haven't planned anything specific. You decided it would be best to speak from the heart.

As her mother continued with her speech, swallowing through the pain as she spoke about her daughter, many sniffles could be heard amongst the crowd as she began to tear up as well. She had spoken to you about it earlier, when you had arrived early to help set up, about how she hadn’t wanted to cry during her speech. She wanted to keep things lighthearted, but that was impossible.

Her son wasn’t even here.

That’s right, Jaemin still hadn’t shown up. You were upset that he had left you alone here in the front row, but you were even more upset that he was letting his parents down. You didn’t ask them where he was, because they surely didn’t know. And it would be no use to bring it to their attention that he wasn’t here, they were fully aware.

But you pushed it to the back of your mind, because tonight wasn’t about him. It wasn’t even about you and him, in the same sentence, it was about Jaeyoung. And it was about letting go of all the pain and leaving more room for reminiscing. Now it was about spending time with the people who knew her, who she lived on through in their memories.

“Now, before we get to the burial, I would like to ask Jaeyoung’s best friend and sister at heart, as we always called her, up to the stage to give a few words,” She was dabbing her tears away with a soft fabric as you stood and approached the pedestal, and she gave you a solemn pat on the shoulder in comfort as she made her way back to her seat.

It was right then that you wished you had at least made an outline of what you wanted to say beforehand. You were frozen now that you were looking out at the sea of familiar faces, but you clasped your hands together and decided to go for it blind.

“If you knew Jaeyoung, you knew me as well. I was always with her, afterall. Next to her, on the phone with her, and even in the little necklace she’d always wear around her neck. I had gotten it for her for her 14th birthday, a photo of us tucked into the metal,”

You reached your hand up and felt the cool metal beneath your fingers, toying with it nervously.

“There are a lot of things I thought I had wanted to say to you all tonight, but I’m realizing now that it was all so negative. And I don’t think that’s the story Jaeyoung would want me to tell, so I’m kind of changing my plans right now. Please bare with me,”

Everyone was watching you with pity and expectancy, waiting for you to catch your quickening breath.

“Jaeyoung and I came in a pair. There was no Jaeyoung without Y/n, and no Y/n without Jaeyoung. It’s heartbreaking to think that it’s just me now. But, Jaeyoung has always been there for me, navigating this world by my side even when she had her own problems, her own highs and her own lows. If I could speak to her again, she would probably tell me to get up and learn to live without her, because she’s been trying to get me to do that all my life. It’s selfish for me now to put everything on hold, I realize, when all she’s wanted for me is to follow my dreams,”

“Sometimes, when the monsters creep out from the closet, I see the void in the world she left. But my one mistake is never finding anything to fill it with. Just like she would want me to. We can’t leave our shadows dark, even if what we might find scares us. Someone told me that darkness is beautiful, but I disagree. I think the light is what we need before it consumes us. Where would we be without the sun? Or the moon, or the stars? We should be frightened by a falling sky, or we would never live our days like it could happen someday. A life without fearing death is a life without value,”

“And so, I dedicate my days to Jaeyoung. To my best friend who loved animals and loved this time of day, with the sun hiding behind a sliver in the trees. To Jaeyoung, who loved the smell of her car’s air freshener and hated mine. I dedicate my life to her because she never got to live hers, and if there’s nothing else I could give her then at least I can give her the satisfaction of watching her best friend flourish down a path without forgetting where she came from. Right, Jaeyoung? I won’t cry anymore. I’ll take care of myself, of your family, and of your memory. This isn’t a goodbye but a farewell, to the best friend I could have ever asked for,”

You didn’t remember saying any of that once you exited the stage, your feet carrying you past the applause and out of the venue before you could see the tears mixed with smiling faces. If you needed closure, you needed to do one more thing.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The number you have called is not available right now. Leave your message after the beep.

Beep.

“Jaemin,” you sighed, collapsing onto the bench in front of the building, letting your feet rest in your uncomfortable heels. You weren’t sure what you were expecting from him anymore. “Jaeyoung’s service ended. You weren’t there,”

Obviously. You just didn’t have anything else to say. You stayed silent on the line for a while, racking your brain for something better, maybe expressing your frustration with him, but no words came, so you simply hung up.

You didn’t go back inside. You didn’t think you could handle the sight of them lowering the casket into the ground.

So you drove, and drove, and drove, until you passed places you recognized from before and the night wasn’t young anymore. The headlights were blinding, making it hard to see much of anything. You were driving without purpose and without a destination, so distracted by the thoughts in your mind to even realize where you were.

You were on the street you’d driven a hundred times before. Half a block away was your school. Well, your old school. You’re an alumni now.

You sure as hell didn’t want to stop by, especially in the dead of night, but there were another set of headlights in the parking lot, and you were too curious not to give it an extra look. And for the single second you devoted your attention to the trespasser, you realized who it was.

Why the hell was Jaemin in the school parking lot on the night of his sister’s funeral?

You made a last minute, screeching turn left in through the curiously open gate. You didn’t even bother to park between one of the designated lines and shot out of your car with the engine still running.

“Jaemin?” you called, the dim yellow lamp posts scattered around doing nothing to aid your vision as you squinted to get a better look. You could see the shadow of his body resting against the hood of the car, and you approached cautiously.

“Is this what you’ve been doing this whole time?” you chastised, picking up one of the empty beer cans from the painted metal surface and tossing it to the ground. There Jaemin was, drunk and silent, alone while you just lived through possibly the hardest thing you’ve ever had to sit through.

“I didn’t want to go,” he stated simply, shrugging off your disappointment like it was nothing. You could tell he wasn’t sober, his cheeks tinted pink and his words slurring a bit. But there was little evidence in the empty cans that he was completely shitfaced, although you speculated his emotions were drunkening him all on their own.

“You were supposed to be there. For your parents, for Jaeyoung,” you paused, fighting the urge to snatch the newest can from his hand and throwing it to the pavement. “You were supposed to be there for me,”

Jaemin’s nonchalant attitude faltered a bit, his shoulders slumping deeper into his gaping chest. He had been staring out toward the gymnasium across the stretch of concrete, the building so familiar yet the core memory of it in his mind played through the extravagant decorations and aura of that night. It didn’t look as lively anymore, as if it knew it was too soon to get things up and running again.

“Why are you doing this, Jaemin? What are you trying to prove? That you’re better than everyone else? Or that you can’t cope? Whatever it is, whoever you are, this isn’t the Jaemin I know,”

You hated that you thought of how his hands felt on you.

“Maybe you don’t even know me, what about that?” he argued, his tone growing defensive.

“You’re saying it like it’s my fault! I’m sorry I’m such a big inconvenience for you, but you don’t have to care about me anymore,” you shouted. You were too upset and overrun with emotion to realize how hurtful it sounded. “Jaeyoung is gone. There’s nothing tying you to me. You don’t even have to know me,”

“Are you fucking serious?” Jaemin asked incredulously, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned and approached you. You regretted it now, now that you weren’t just staring at the back of his head. Jaemin was right in front of you now, for you to see the pain in his expression.

“What if I told you it was never about her when it came to you? What if she was the only thing holding either of us back?” He was mad now. “Don’t forget I’ve known you just as long as Jaeyoung has. And even though I didn’t get to know you, like really know you, I saw you in your best moments. Do you know how hard it is to watch a girl smile everyday and eat candy until her stomach hurts and sing until she’s out of breath? I was young, Y/n. I didn’t get to see those moments in other girls like I saw in you. I was impressionable. I had a boyish crush that you just can’t shake. I know how she felt about the idea of you and me, but fuck, how can you expect me to keep fighting for her when you’re the one standing right in front of me?”

“And for months, I only wished for one thing. I wanted so badly to take the silence in her soul and put it into mine. I didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t call my parents and let them know I’m okay, I couldn’t even open my damn eyes. Is it so selfish of me to have found a reason to stay? Does it make me unworthy of love? Of loving you?”

The influx of information was too much. You found out so much in so little time, and the only thing you could do was cry.

Hard, broken sobs right in front of him. Jaemin’s shield was gone in an instant.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, stepping forward and pulling you into his chest. He hated that it was too soon. Jaemin hated that the right thing to do would have been to give you space. To give you time and sit on his feelings like it would be forever until he could tell you. He tore you right apart. “I’m sorry, Y/n. Please don’t cry, forgive me. You’ll always have a place in me,”

You weren’t really sure why you were so emotional. Shouldn’t you have been happy? You finally got what you wanted. Jaemin reciprocated your feelings. And whether everything seemed heightened right now, for the both of you, you could still tell that somewhere inside of him, he meant what he said.

But you backed away regardless. He smelled too strongly of alcohol, and no matter what he said, it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t decide to give Jaeyoung even the time of day. You wiped the tears away and spoke directly to the boy in front of you, broken pieces and all.

“You know that’s too painful, Jaemin. For the both of us,”

Jaemin couldn’t handle the sight of you walking away. He was numb yet his body felt like it was being electrocuted.

“Don’t go,” he begged, his footsteps wavering until his knees hit the ground. You turned with the little pity you had left in your heart. “You’re half of me now,”

Jaemin let out a sigh when he heard you come back. But you stopped just short, your hand reaching out to him.

“Give me your keys. Call someone if you want to get home, you’re not driving drunk,”

And then you drove off. Jaemin had a knack for letting go of people in his life, even when he didn’t have to.

~

As if your days couldn’t get any worse, you ran into possibly the last person you’d ever expected to see the next morning in a flower shop down the road.

“Jaehyun?” you gasped, eyes locking with the boy behind the cashier. He was wearing a green apron, a part of the uniform, with a name tag pinned to his chest with neat handwriting scrawled across the front. He was similar to how you remembered him, nothing had changed much.

“Y/n, wow. Uh, welcome?” You both chuckled at the awkward greeting, before it went quiet as the elephant in the room grew.

“I, uh, heard the funeral was last night,” he commented. “I’m really sorry,”

You’d heard that one countless times before, but it meant something more coming from the college boy. He was with Jaeyoung that night, until he wasn’t.

“Whatever happened that night, with you and Jaeyoung?” you asked. Jaehyun’s face darkened and the mood shifted. Even though you were learning to grow comfortable talking about her, you forgot others might not have moved on so easily.

“I had gone to go get her that stupid milkshake she likes from Hank’s, the one with about 100 grams of sugar,” he sighed. “She was going to come along with me, ditch the fun for a late night date, but then this girl had approached her and said she saw you and, well, her brother there together,”

You nodded in acceptance, urging the boy to continue.

“I could tell she was so upset, but she always tried to hide things like that when she was with me. I had gone for her drink in hopes it would make her feel better when she went off to look for you. I really did like her, you know. I was planning on asking her out that night, properly,”

Jaehyun’s story was sad but beautiful, the perspective of the boy Jaeyoung was head over heels for, who just wanted to make her prom night that much more special.

“Are you here for Jaeyoung?” he asked, blinking his tears away and gesturing to the flower displays. You nodded, and he held up a finger signaling you to wait as he walked toward one of the shelves.

“She told me one time when she visited me during my shift that she always loved tulips. I teased her about it then, wondering why it wasn’t roses or carnations or something, but she insisted that they were the best flower,” Jaehyun walked back over and handed you a flowing bouquet of white tulips, fresh and picture perfect. “It’s on the house. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Thank you, Jaehyun,” you sighed, walking out of the store with a greater passion inside. All the missing puzzle pieces were beginning to fall into place.

~

Apparently, graveyards were empty on a typical Wednesday afternoon. You nodded politely to an elderly man sitting on a bench down the stretch of sidewalk, making your way to the lot you were looking for.

For being a place of burial, the scenery was quite beautiful. Everything was green and well kept, colorful flowers and objects littering the expanse of the field as the sun shone bright and blazingly down on the marble. On the edge of the field was a forest, similar to the ones surrounding the rest of the town’s perimeter, trees standing proudly in the open landscape.

Na Jaeyoung

Forever remembered as a loving daughter, sister, and friend.

Her brand new headstone was spotless, the earth before it clearly disrupted as it now took the time to settle back into place. There was a framed photo of her leaning against the stone, dozens of flowers placed down with candles arranged around them. You set your tulips at the foot of the beautiful, chaotic mess, your heart warming at your contribution.

“Hey, Jaeyoung,” you began. It was a lot easier speaking to her directly, in private, than in front of all those people last night. “I came as soon as I could. Could you tell? I barely got ready this morning,”

It was a lot harder to speak without getting a response.

“I saw Jaehyun today. He’s still thinking about you. He was a good one, JaeJae. He’s probably my favorite one out of all your escapades. Oh, and my 19th birthday is coming up. Yours is, too, soon after,”

Small talk ways over. There’d been something nagging at you for weeks now, something you could never quite place, but now that you were here, heart to heart, it was all clear in your mind.

Rule number one, you can never unfriend her.

“I’ll visit you all the time, I promise,” You knelt down low until you sat, your legs crossing in front of you on the grass. “And even if I’m away, I’ll make sure to check in on your parents. They’re doing better now, Jaeyoung. Your mom is doing so well. Your dad has been talking about retiring so they can travel more. And Jaemin-”

Rule number two, you can never lie or keep secrets from her.

“Jaemin isn’t doing so well. I don’t know what to do about it, Jaeyoung. It’s a bit complicated between him and me,”

You paused and forced the tears back. If you didn’t cry over Jaeyoung, you definitely weren’t about to cry over her brother.

“But I think I really like him. I want to see him everyday and talk to him, make sure he’s okay. He’s really torn up over all of this, and I think he’s blaming himself too much. I don’t want to lose him too, but I’m not sure if I even have him,”

Your heart was pounding like she could hear your confession. You hope she could, no matter how much it still frightened you.

“I know how you felt, feel, about us. But I can’t help it, Jaeyoung. These days especially, he reminds me of you. He’s all I have left of you, and I’m starting to plant these seeds in my head that maybe things can work out between us. Dangerous, isn’t it?”

The wind was beginning to pick up, the clouds moving quickly overhead until the blocked the harsh, beating sun.

Rule number three, you are not allowed to fall in love with her brother.

“I think I love him, Jaeyoung,”

It was your first time saying it out loud. It felt like the earth shattered for a second, so quickly no one would realize it, but you felt it. Because in your world, it had shattered and reassembled so many times you recognized the feeling of crumbling apart.

“And I’m sorry if it upsets you, I’m sorry I let you drive off that night. I should have said something to you, anything, even if they were my words now. I love him. I love Jaemin. I hope you can be happy for me,”

“Because you’ll always be my best friend, regardless. I’ll always be the one making sure of it, though. I love you too, Jaeyoung. I love both of you, and I wish things were different. But right now, with the way things settled into place, all I can do is sit here and offer myself up to you. I miss you, Jaeyoung, but I know I’ll be able to move past this with you in my heart,”

A rustle of motion broke you out of your one sided conversation, pulling your attention away as you looked up searching for the source of the movement. You looked behind you first, down the pathway to see if someone else had come to visit, but it wasn’t a human.

In the distance, under the line of tree trunks and over the hill, stood a beautiful spotted doe.

It’s ears were perked and you tried to stay silent, careful not to scare it away. It was about fifty feet away from you, it’s body calm as it sniffed around at a patch of grass beneath its feet. A small smile spread across your face and you felt the connection in your soul.

It left as quickly as it appeared, dashing off elegantly back into the forest. It was almost as if it were never there.

“Hi Jaeyoung,” you whispered.

~

Jaemin didn’t mean anyone any harm. If anything, he was dead set on making his own life miserable, because he deserved it.

But if he really did want to keep you by his side, how many chances would it take before he got it right? He let you down that night, he knew that. But even now he still, selfishly, wishes you had stayed with him. Even if all he could offer you was his own pathetic heart and unspoken words.

When he biked down to the empty field again, he let the air slip in through his open mouth. This field may look bare and plain now, but on one night during the year it was a place of new beginnings. Jaemin came here often, hoping he would get out of it what he used to.

Maybe if he hoped for it enough, he could get some good luck on his side for once. Jaemin was skeptical, to say the least.

But when a car pulled onto the grass behind him, he thought he was dreaming.

Here you were, always managing to find him at his worst of times, and wait, was that his car?

Jaemin turned and met your eyes, his dull ones staring into the flames on your own. He was so convinced you were about to start lecturing him, yelling and punching like he deserved. That’s why he almost fell to his knees when you opened your mouth.

“I love you,”

Wait, was Jaemin sure he wasn’t in some fairytale wonderland? He’s been going crazy enough these days, the possibility wasn’t too far out of reach.

“No, you don’t,” he replied dully. And even though it discouraged you a bit, you grit your teeth and continued.

“No, Jaemin. I’ve learned that there’s a difference between loving someone, and wanting to love someone. I don’t want to, but I love you,”

You could see the way his eyes widened in the sunlight, tired shadows and ghosts of tears haunting his features. But he still looked so handsome standing there, like he always did. If you squinted, gave your vision a bit of assistance to blur his image, he was the same boy you grew up with. The same boy you fell in love with all these years.

“Did you hear me, Jaem?” you cried, a maniacal smile on your face as every little piece of lead weight lifted off your shoulders. “I love you,”

The corners of Jaemin’s lips were beginning to crack up, a smile slowly making its way onto his face. You swore there was a twinkle in his eyes.

“Damn it, Y/n,”

Jaemin took large billowing steps toward you, a smile on his face as he cradled your face in his hands and smashed his lips against yours. You both collectively sighed.

Finally.

You intake oxygen and feel it flow through your lungs, but you haven’t truly breathed like this since the moment you found out she couldn’t anymore.

You’ve been thinking about it a lot, that maybe it’s better in a way that you'll die someday. One day Jaemin will be gone and you’ll be gone too, just like Jaeyoung. And even if having forever with him sounds perfect on paper, if you could love him until the end of time, your days together would mean nothing. Death only brings value to your love.

We die for moments like these. If we lived for them, there’d be no point in losing everything one day. And at last you knew that your story had come to an end. The timing was all wrong and the universe waits for no one.

thank you for reading! If you follow me and keep up with my updates then you know i’ve been having a hard time recently in my own private life, but this fic was something i was determined to get done and i did it! I’m very proud of myself and this fic and i hope you all enjoyed it. there may be a lot of errors because i didn't proof read this lol.

~ kat

permanent taglist: @fanficbitchwhowriteskpop @negincho @astroodledream @sweetutopia

network tag: @nct-frathouse

Warnings: corruption kink, smoking, alcohol, swearing, tattoos, mild invasion of personal space, smut, protected sex, oral, semi-public sex, loss of virginity, use of “princess” and “baby” a bit too much

All his life, Lucas knew there was something wrong with him. Not physically or mentally, no. Just a little nagging part of him that, no matter how hard he resisted, always managed to overtake the sensible side of him. He was his own worst enemy.

His fists stayed busy and his chest burned with every drop of alcohol or puff of smoke, all to dull the pain he felt somewhere far deeper than the surface of physical harm. His skin was inked to cope with every heartbreak, a tattooed masterpiece of disappointment and ruined expectations. But life can never be perfect, no one can have everything they desire. Lucas traded attentional satisfaction for the care he really needed. He’ll always be in the center of a crowd of people who know nothing more than his name.

It wasn’t uncommon for people to wonder how he managed to befriend the carefree, humorous Mark Lee, but sometimes opposites attract. In many ways they both needed each other to survive the cruel demands adolescent society imposed on them.

Mark was your older brother by exactly 22 months. Unfortunately, as you would often say. But all jokes aside, he was a good brother who always cared about you. Teased and annoyed you whenever he could, yes, but that’s just what brothers do. What they don’t do, though, is tell their sister that they have a hot new college best friend.

Initially, you were excited to move in with your brother. His old roommate, Taeil, graduated last year leaving his old room to you. But it proved to be a lot harder than you had anticipated, and it was silly of you to think so optimistically.

“Mark, I swear, if I see your dirty laundry on the bathroom floor again I’m going to burn whatever’s there!” you shouted from the first floor, up to the loft area where your bedrooms were located. You did not need his sweat-infused clothes stinking up the entire home.

But, in typical brotherly fashion, he completely ignored you and you received no response. You sighed, flipping off nothing but innocent air as you head to the kitchen to grab your abandoned cup of coffee. You nearly dropped it a second later from the booming voice entering through your doorway.

“Honey! I’m home!” someone cheered exaggeratedly, bursting in like they lived here. Was there another roommate that Mark didn’t tell you about?

A boy came walking in, tall with tattoos covering the expanse of his arms. He let the door shut behind him, took off his shoes, and ran his hands through his hair before he looked up and made eye contact with you. Finally, he realized you were there.

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t know Mark had company,”

“That’s my sister you dumbass, I literally told you she was moving in today,” your brother snapped, walking down the spiral staircase down from the loft where the bedrooms were. “You were probably too fucking high to remember,”

“Not true,” the boy defended, walking up to the kitchen island you were sitting at and leaning forward on his arms. “I’m Lucas,”

There was a certain aura exuding off this man that you couldn’t quite place, but in all honesty, it intimidated you. He intimidated you. You waved at him shyly, giving your name and nothing else. Lucas stared at you unemotionally for a second longer, before humming to himself and leaving you to walk up to your brother.

“You didn’t forget about tonight, did you?” he asked, and Mark shook his head.

“How could I forget about the first party of the year?” Mark scoffed, dismissing his friend and spoke to you. “Sorry about him, he doesn’t actually live here. He just knows the passcode,” you nodded your head in understanding, but you had lingering curiosity in you.

“So there’s a party tonight?” you wondered.

“Yeah, and you’re coming,” Mark responded, making your eyes widen at him. Wait, you didn’t ask because you wanted to go. You were just trying to keep the conversation going. “Don’t make that face at me, this is your opportunity of a lifetime! It’s time for your college debut as Mark’s sister,”

“Oh please,” Lucas said, and you both looked over at him slumped against the cushions of your couch. “Don’t be so full of yourself,”

“Yeah, yeah. Be ready in 30,”

~

You emerged out of your room at the designated time, heading downstairs to find Lucas in his same exact spot, and Mark was nowhere to be found. He didn’t hear you come down at first, and you stood silently for a second, debating whether you should say anything. He was scrolling on his phone, and with the opportunity to study him, you truly noticed how good looking he was.

“Are you just going to keep standing there?” Lucas asked, glancing up from his phone, his eyes immediately landing on you. “I don’t bite,”

You had a feeling that was a lie.

“Uh, where’s Mark?” you asked, trying to force down the blush creeping up your neck. That was embarrassing.

“He went to go get Yuna. She lives down the hall,” he replied, locking his phone and crossing his arms in front of his chest. His stare was strong and had a certain weight to it, crushing down on you.

“Are they dating?” you knew that you should have probably known if your own brother had a girlfriend or not, but the two years that Mark was up in college meant a lot of time spent with little interaction. In that time you had become unacquainted with the happenings of his social and personal life, and you hoped that moving in with him would rekindle the sibling relationship that you two used to have.

“Not really. He likes her, though,” Just then, the padlock made its usual beeping sound and in walked Mark followed by a beautiful girl with a bright smile. You were glad they entered when they did, the conversation with Lucas starting to become unbearably awkward.

Yuna walked in comfortably, giving Lucas a small wave before you caught her eye. She introduced herself to you, grabbing your hand warmly. You could see why your brother liked her, she was both gorgeous, and kindly sociable. You talked to her for a bit, discussing what you were going to be majoring in and such, before it was announced that the four of you were going to leave. You were nervous, but it seemed like you were in good company.

So good, that upon arriving at the party venue, it seemed as if everyone there knew the three of them.

“Ayo, Mark!” a boy called from near the abundance of coolers, his shirt unbuttoned and a drink already in hand. Mark and Lucas head over to him, greeting a group of boys, and Yuna took it upon herself to take you under her wing. She didn’t seem to have anyone who she was concrete friends with, but instead she greeted everyone in an acquainted manner, introducing you to them as Mark’s sister, Y/n. Apparently, the prefacing label was a big deal to them, and soon word was going around that Mark had a little sister, and she showed up looking good.

“So, how did you meet my brother?” you asked Yuna, finding yourself becoming more comfortable talking to her. She seemed like someone you could truly become good friends with, if given the chance.

“Well, we live in the same apartment complex, and we just naturally got close,” she explained. The two of you were sitting next to each other, on one of the small benches surrounding the large bonfire pit in the center, watching the boys play sand volleyball, which was really just them playfully wrestling each other for the ball even if they were on the same team. You had learned some of the names of their friends, but it was hard for you to keep track with the sheer amount of them.

Your conversation fell silent for a brief moment, and your eyes naturally gravitated toward the boy you had yet to grow accustomed to. At some point, Lucas had tossed his shirt to the side and was now showcasing his lean torso.

“And what about Lucas? How did him and Mark become friends?” you asked Yuna, turning to her and seeing her mood shift. A small smile blessed her lips, and she chuckled to herself.

“I’m not quite sure, but they’re really close. They’re like soulmates, those two. Can I let you in on a little secret?” she asked, and your ears perked in interest, nodding your head.

“I might have a little crush on Lucas,”

You swallowed the gasp that almost escaped you. You tried to keep your facial expression neutral, her confession feeling like a punch in your gut. Didn’t Lucas say Mark liked Yuna? Talk about a love triangle.

“Oh,” you replied, a short response. You didn’t say anything about it afterwards, the burden of knowledge making it hard for you to speak on the topic. You felt bad for your brother, but there was another part of you that struggled with the information as well. You couldn’t quite place it.

“I don’t know how to go about anything with that boy, though. He’s not necessarily the most approachable person, if you haven’t noticed,” Yuna continued, her eyes fondly trailing Lucas as he cheered over the point his team had just won.

“Yuna!” someone called from behind where the two of you were sitting, and Yuna apologetically smiled at you and she promised to be back soon. She walked away, and right as she did, someone took her spot.

“Hey beautiful,” the man said, and you looked over at him uncomfortably. You could smell the alcohol on him, but you were too lost for words to ask him to leave, so instead you just politely nodded at him and looked at the sand beneath your feet.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” he asked, taking another swig from the beer bottle in his hand. You still didn’t respond, and he chuckled lowly beside you. There was nothing going through your head. No means to escape, nothing to say to ask him to leave, and you wished you had more self advocacy. You glanced down and watched as his hand was reaching out for your leg, when someone interrupted.

"Time to leave, buddy," you looked up at the voice, and was both surprised yet relieved to see that someone had come to your rescue. Your eyes met Lucas' steely ones, and his expression was unreadable, yet annoyance oozed out of his tone as he spoke again. "And don't fucking touch her,"

"Hey, hey. Relax, we were just having a nice conversation," the man said, throwing his hands up in a surrendering position. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, though, as he watched the boy in front of him progressively lose his patience. This was all a fun, entertaining game for him. "Right, babe?"

One second the drunken man was beside you, the next he was being pulled up by his collar. It seemed like the party had finally taken notice, everyone watching as Lucas, infamous for being non-confrontational, was looking ready to punch his face in.

Normally, he couldn't be bothered by the average dumbass at a party, but here he was, inserting himself into a situation he wasn't a part of whatsoever. He was face to face with the man, his brows furrowed and it took little effort for him to hold the shorter man up on his toes.

"Leave," there was nothing left to be said, and the guests were silent as the man scoffed obnoxiously, yet walked away all the same. You continued to stare at Lucas with a look of bewilderment.

"Thank you," you said, letting him reel you in with the eye contact you began to think was a charming point of his. There was nothing that could help you escape the depth of his eyes, even if the world crumbled around you. But something was different, as if there was a shift in the way he looked at you. There was something there that wasn't present before, and something that had left. He nodded at you, his jaw clenching into a blade illuminated in the burning light of the fire behind him, but he left without a word.

A lot of speculations could be made from that interaction, and it was likely that none of them were true, but people believed whatever they wanted to. And right now, it wasn't hard to convince themselves that something was going on between Mark Lee's best friend, and Mark Lee's sister.

-----------------------------

After just one night, you had become a hot topic with anyone who knew someone that was at the party the day before. Lucas was already a talking point all on his own, and now there was finally someone in his previously empty picture. The secrecy of everything concerning him was what drew so many people in, and finally, after two years, there was something to feed the insatiable hunger everyone craved. Lucas Wong saved you, and apparently it was a big fucking deal. Girls asked one another what it was about you that was so special, while boys snuck glances at each other as if they knew exactly why. All the attention did nothing to curve your shy personality.

For you, while it was clear you had no idea where Lucas stood on this situation, you didn't even know how you felt about it yourself. In one sense, it was pleasantly foreign to have the spotlight on you, but at the same time, you barely knew the guy, and it seemed like no one else did either.

For nearly a week, you didn't catch sight of the boy whose name seemed to follow yours in everyone else's sentences. You didn't know him well enough for there to be a void with his absence, but Mark couldn't say the same.

"Why has he been so flakey lately?" he sighed, hanging up the same voicemail he'd been hearing for days. You avoided looking anywhere near him, knowing there was a big fat elephant in the room. Mark ran his hand through his hair, glancing over at you.

"Look, I know what everyone's been saying, but we both know it's not true, and that's all that matters. Don't feel like you have to hide behind a rumor," you knew he was right, and while you appreciated his advice, it was always easier for you to give in to the shadows. Not everyone could be complacent like him, even his own sister.

Mark could still see the doubt in your face, and he sighed for the umpteenth time that week.

"Do you want to come with me? The boys are meeting up at the freshmen's place," you finally looked over at him, seeing the comforting look on his face. You knew he was trying his best to help you out, which is what prompted you to agree. You might not have wanted to, but you knew you didn't have the freedom to be your old self anymore. It was time for you to break out of your shell.

The house was somewhat big, and Mark explained to you that all the boys in the house were in the same year as you, but they knew some of the older boys from high school, inserting themselves into the friend group. As you followed him up the pathway and to the front door, you thought your heart might explode.

The door swung open, and you recognized the boy from the party last weekend.

"Renjun!" Mark cheered, pulling him into a man-hug. The boy waved at you, an unassuming smile on his face. Maybe you were worrying for nothing.

You walked in, observing the simple house silently, feeling a bit out of place as everyone greeted your brother while you stood next to him. Be social, Y/n. Socializing is key.

You didn't even manage to get a word out before someone walked in and the entire group exploded.

"Well look who actually showed up,"

Lucas closed the door behind him, chuckling at the outburst he caused from his mere presence. Turning to look at him, immediately you noticed that there was something that seemed a little different about him, but you didn't know exactly what had changed.

It was more of a chill, calm get-together rather than a party, just a group of friends all hanging out together. It was a bit unnerving that you were the only girl, and you wished you had brought Yuna along, but no one really seemed to care all that much.

There seemed to be two unspoken requirements to fit in with the group. One, you had to be undoubtedly attractive, and two, you had to have a personality. There were a lot of variations to the second rule. There were less of them than there were at the beach, and it gave you a better chance to get to know a few of them on a more personable level. You found that they made it easy to loosen up around them. You were particularly comfortable around the ones in the same year as you, you and Donghyuck trading banter as you utilized the witty skills you'd developed over years of surviving in the same household as Mark. Jeno laughed hysterically at nearly every response you gave.

You were so preoccupied arguing with the boys about which breed of dog looked most like each boy, that you didn't notice a certain someone slipping away from the congregation room, even when you walked away to find the bathroom Jaemin had only given you vague directions to.

You searched through the doors through the first floor, and you finally stumbled upon the bathroom, and nearly jumped out of your skin when you opened the door to an invasion of smoke. Your first instinct was to think the house was on fire, but you realized someone was in there, none other than Lucas. Predictable.

The cigarette dangled from his fingers lazily, and he didn't even flinch when you unexpectedly burst through the door. He was leaning back against the sink, and he didn't bother to glance at you.

"Oh, sorry. I'll leave--"

"No need, I'm getting out," he interrupted. You watched his long strands of hair fall over his eyebrows as he looked down to put the bud out on the bottom of his shoe, throwing it into the small metal trash can beside him. For the first time since you met Lucas, you noticed he wasn’t trying to meet your eyes. Somehow, it seemed like he was shy in his own minuscule way, or rather, not as bold as he usually seemed.

You remembered thinking that something seemed just a bit off about him earlier that night, and like always, the longer you observed him the more you could see. He was like an intricate painting, with more to discover and unearth with every proper look. Up close, you could see the subtle bags under his eyes, the droop in his shoulders, and the slowness of his movements. He moved to walk past you, but you grabbed onto his arm with an abruptness that surprised even you. His arm in your grip tensed, and he snapped his head to you in mild confusion. You mustered up all your courage just to speak, but you found most of your motivation from your concern.

"A-are you feeling alright? You don't look too well," He said nothing, the thick layer of silence ringing inside of your head. It went on for so long that you almost opened your mouth again to apologize until he finally replied.

"I'm fine,"

And with that, he removed his forearm and walked out briskly. He didn't go back to his friends, simply walking out the door without so much as a goodbye, got in his car, and drove away. The radio was turned off, the air condition was blasting, and Lucas pretended not to notice the tremble in his hands. He ignored the simple fact of what had just happened.

You were the first person to ask how he was doing. Not what he was doing, not who he was doing, you wanted to know if he was feeling okay. You did something no one else had before. You saw straight through him.

~

When you had emerged back from the bathroom, you immediately identified the missing person who seemingly left. You couldn't say you were surprised, but you were admittedly a bit disappointed. Clearly he had lied to you, but maybe it wasn't your place to ask such a question in the first place. You had to keep reminding yourself that you were in no position to care about a guy you just met.

And you thought that would be enough confrontation to last you a good month or so, until you sat in the passenger's seat of Mark's car and was thrown another curveball.

"Why did Lucas leave like that?" your brother asked, not even turning the engine on. He just sat there, staring straight forward at the wheel in front of him. Your breath snagged in your throat, being thrown completely off guard.

"I don't know,"

"Come on, sis. I know you two must have ran into each other. Don't you think I deserve to know?" He was right, of course, and you knew in reality nothing really came out of the interaction, so why were you so hesitant to say anything to him?

"I don't know what you're expecting me to say, but nothing happened. He was in the bathroom when I opened the door, he walked out, and I didn't know he left the house until I came back out," A small part of you was annoyed that you even had to explain yourself to him. "So if you want to know why he left, you can go and ask Lucas yourself,"

Mark was silent for a moment, as if debating between trusting your word or not.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm judging you, because I'm not. If you say nothing happened, then I believe you. The only reason I'm asking is because I care, Y/n,”

He rested his head on the back of his seat, settling something within himself.

“I know he’s my best friend, and I love him like a brother, but at the end of the day, he’s not. He’s not my brother, you’re my sister, and that means I have to start learning how to remember that sometimes. This is me remembering, right now.” He looked over at you, for the first time since he started the conversation, the look on his face more serious than you’d ever seen it in your entire life. Gone was the normal, happy, laughing Mark. This was a part of him that hadn’t appeared until now.

“Lucas isn’t right for you, Y/n. I don’t know if you need to hear that or not, I don’t know if there really is absolutely nothing going on, but he just can’t. He can’t be the one for you. And I know how everyone else idolizes him, they put him up on this big fucking pedastal and somehow erases all other aspects of him, but I know him too well. I’ll always see him as a good friend, but I just couldn’t sit by if he pursued my little sister. Promise you won’t involve yourself with him,”

“Okay, Mark. Okay,” you whispered, getting the message. The car was started and you finally started heading home, but it was silent the entire time, neither of you having anything else to say. You were left to your conflicting thoughts, trying to erase any ounce of infatuation you may have initially had. If only it was as easy as it sounds.

-----------------------------

You couldn’t miss the staggering amount of dirty looks you received throughout just one day on campus. It was bad enough that you were associated with Lucas, but now you were parading around with his friends, too. And if you didn’t have a big fat crush on the notorious bad boy, you liked one of his many, many friends. It didn’t blow over very well with the female student body.

“I just don’t understand why I’m the bad guy,” you complained, stirring your coffee miserably. You were seated in the campus cafe with your usual companions, Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck, and they only looked at your tortured state with amused expressions.

“It’s the curse of having handsome friends,” Donghyuck boasted, making a cocky face.

“I do? I don’t see them,” you made a show of searching the restaurant around you, cracking their egos just a bit. But not enough, because all of you knew you were lying.

Jeno heaved a big sigh next to you, and everyone turned to the boy as he stared down at his phone.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jaemin asked, treading into the world of boyish angst.

“It’s pineapple,” Jeno replied, and his two friends gave understanding nods. You looked around at the three of them confusedly, laughing outright.

“You guys have code names? What is this, middle school?”

“Hey! Don’t judge us. We never know who may be listening,” Jeno defended, but his cheeks were slightly tinged with pink. He looked around, dramatically searching the premises, before motioning everyone to lean in close so he could whisper. “Lina’s back seeing that stupid guy, you know, the one with the crusty hair. Rumor has it she’s going to be at the party tomorrow,”

It truly amazed you how these boys could go to parties every single weekend, the four of you only two months into college and they had already adopted the college party lifestyle. You couldn’t say the same yourself, claiming more rainchecks than attendances.

Donghyuck and Jaemin looked at each other for a split second, a silent conversation happening between the two, before they turned back.

“We have a plan,” Donghyuck stated, an excited grin on his face. “You need to make her jealous,”

“And how exactly would I do that?” Jeno asked, looking at his friends blankly.

“Ah, must you be so incredibly dense?” Jaemin sighed, speaking to his friend in a slow, baby-addressing tone. “Get a girl, act like you’re okay without pineapple, make her realize the mistake she made, problem solved!”

“Who should it be, though? Any girl I ask would probably get too into it,” Jeno reasoned, and you nodded your head in agreement. You didn’t expect the two boys in front of you to slowly turn their heads towards you.

“Me?” You must’ve been too loud, because the three shushed you like you were still in a bubble of confidentiality. You rolled your eyes, bringing your voice down to a whisper again. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t necessarily have, how do I say this, the skills to do this,”

“Oh please,” Jaemin scoffed, looking over at you. “You’re the ‘it’ girl. Who better to make Lina jealous?”

“It’s pineapple,”

~

You found yourself at the party. How pathetic. This was so unlike you, but then again, the person you used to be didn’t quite feel like you anymore. If your childhood friends saw you now, they would surely question if you were truly the girl they used to know. You tried to tell yourself that it was a good thing, your daily mantra. It was already a bit into the swing of the party when Donghyuck appeared in front of you and Jaemin near the drink table, looking as if he had just run a marathon to get to you.

“She’s here, operation fruit salad is underway,”

Jaemin abandoned his cup on the table and grabbed your shoulders, pushing you frantically toward the living room where your partner in crime stood nervously. You felt bad for Jeno, who looked like he was ready to abandon ship, and you grabbed his hand comfortingly. Time to put on a show.

The girl you assumed to be Lima walked through the archway leading away from the foyer entrance, and Donghyuck used his loud voice to call over the noise of the party.

“Truth or dare, losers!”

When the four of you were mapping out the plan, you had asked them if this could completely backfire and random people started playing the game instead of Lina, but they quickly shut down your concerns. Apparently, for the past four years, it was an unspoken rule that truth or dare concerning their group was pretty much exclusive, and everyone knew whether they were welcome or not. You were skeptical, as it seemed too hierarchic to be true, but here you were, sitting between Jeno and Jaemin, looking around at the participants and realizing they were right. You recognized every single face in the group, which really said something considering you made no efforts to befriend anyone else.

You all situated yourselves in a circle, carelessly taking up most of the space in the living room, drawing a bit of attention from the other guests. It was like a TV show, the way there was an audience. Donghyuck searched around for his first prey, assuming everyone who wanted to play had sat down, when he was interrupted.

“Wait, I’m playing too,” Lucas cut in, sitting himself down next to Taeyong who looked over at him surprised, as did everyone else. Jeno leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“He never plays, this is his debut,” You giggled at his choice of words, and you glanced to the side to make sure Lina was paying attention to the two of you. She darted her eyes away, and Jaemin nudged your knee so he could throw a thumbs up discreetly between the two of you.

“Yuta, truth or dare?” Donghyuck started, a mischievous grin on his face. It seemed like anything Yuta picked, he’d have something interesting in store for him.

“Dare,” Yuta said unconfidently.

“Hm, I dare you to jump into the pool, right now,”

“Not the pool,” Yuta pleaded. “We haven’t cleaned that thing in like a year,”

“Dare’s a dare,” the group chorused synchronously. The poor boy sighed, emptying his pockets and dashing towards the sliding door out to the back, everyone cringing yet cheering as he made a large splash in the discolored water. He returned with a towel wrapped around him.

The game continued, various dares committed and secrets dished out, and it had yet to be your turn. You weren’t missing in action, though, progressively getting more into the character you needed to play. You and Jeno must’ve been pretty convincing, because even some of the other boys were giving the two of you spare glances. You hoped this was working, because it took a lot to sell it.

Wrapped up in the act, you didn’t notice someone giving a few more looks than most. Lucas couldn’t help but watch you as you touched Jeno’s arm, or leaned into him in laughter, or let him whisper something to you. He felt nothing, nothing nagging with annoyance or jealousy, just plain interest. If he had nowhere else to look, his eyes would always find you. Somehow, he could tell there was more to it than everyone may think.

Doyoung had just finished taking a shot of whatever mixture Ten had concocted for him, gagging a bit but forcing it down impressively. Then, Doyoung’s attention turned to Lucas himself.

“Truth or dare,”

“Truth,” Lucas decided nonchalantly, a few sounds of disappointment sounding through the crowd. There was a notable increase in size of people watching the events unfolding, bringing a greater amount of pressure to each of the players. They were all waiting for the main event happening right now.

Doyoung thought hard for a good moment, trying to decide just what question would be deemed worthy to ask Lucas, even corresponding with Johnny, claiming he needed to ‘phone a friend’. While everyone else was on the edge of their seats, Lucas was unphased by the suspense of it all.

“Okay, okay. Who in this room--literally anyone--do you hate the most?” The rumble of murmuring sounded about the crowd, everyone curious to get even a little bit of insight into the mind of the boy that seemed to feel nothing. Lucas didn’t ponder for even a second before he responded.

“Myself,”

The party went silent, everyone letting his answer sink in. A chill ran through you, and you looked at the boy sitting directly across from you with pity. Maybe he was just a pretty face with a broken soul. You knew there was something in him, something behind his many closed doors, and maybe you were finally starting to dive deep into it. Despite trying to step away from his black hole, the fleeting insight he gave only worked to suck you back in.

In contrast to the reaction he received, Lucas seemed calm, as always, leaning forward onto with his forearms resting on his knees.

“My turn, right?” he asked, Doyoung nodding, and Lucas took one hand and rubbed it on his chin in thought. His head was tilted downwards, but his eyes snapped up to meet yours.

“Y/n, truth or dare?”

The entire party was hanging on a thread, everyone holding their breath in either anticipation or shock. He made an otherwise unexpected move, yet it was so predictable it wasn’t a surprise once you thought it over. You could see in his eyes that he was trying to see how you would react, and you were determined not to give in to the intensity. You would meet him up there even if you were scared inside.

“Dare.”

The thickness of the air was stifling, yet you felt like it was the first time in your life that you were breathing. Right then, you were alive.

Lucas smothered the twitch in the corner of his lips, keeping his cool. He liked where this was going.

“I dare you to kiss me,”

Check mate. That was his killing move, and it was at your expense.

“Absolutely not,” Mark declared, shutting down the idea at first mention. He looked between the two of you, at everyone watching, and no one barely gave him a second glance. It wasn’t about him, it was about the two of you.

All of your surroundings faded away. All you could see was Lucas, and all you could hear were your thoughts. He was testing you. It was time for you to make your next move. He was the king, but you were the queen. His single move would drown in the leaps you could make across the expanse of the chess board.

You stood, walking over to him and squatting down to meet him face to face. Your arms were slung lazily in front of you, making no move to touch him, and you simply stared at him. He narrowed his eyes just slightly, waiting for you to do something. Anything.

You tilted your head, brushing your fingers through your hair, letting the eye contact sit in the pocket of silence. You should’ve been scared, you should’ve been too shy to do any of this at all, but there was no hesitation in you. The spontaneity of it all fused with the adrenaline to create the perfect storm of a vixen in you.

You looked down at his lips, back up to his eyes, leaning in for the moment everyone had been waiting for. Lucas held his breath, an action only you could hear, and your hooded eyes watched his as they closed. Your lips reached out for his, closer and closer, until they didn’t. You stopped, just millimeters separating the two of you, delaying what he had been sitting there for in the first place. When he only felt your breath on his lips, his eyes slid open, realizing just what had happened. He was caught waiting for a kiss that never came.

Lucas knew what you were doing. He knew full well, yet he still couldn’t accept it. He came into this thinking it would work out for him, and he didn’t expect for you to take the reins, but now that you were, he smiled. He could have gotten annoyed, he could have given up and walked away, but he smiled and chuckled to himself. Right in your face, he laughed, before giving in and crashing his lips into yours himself.

You outplayed the game master.

A lot of things happened in a very short amount of time. Mark walked out of the room, the crowd cheered, and your lips were sealed against none other than the man of the hour himself. They were surprisingly softer than you had anticipated, and the thought made you smile into him, and you knew he wasn’t as hard and tough as he always tried to be. He nipped your bottom lip before pulling away erotically slow.

“I thought you said you didn’t bite,” you whispered, and that was all it took for Lucas to jump onto the train that led straight to you.

-----------------------------

You only realized where you went wrong once you had returned to the right headspace. Your high came crashing down much too quickly. Actions come with consequences. The morning after everything happened was not pretty. It never was.

“Mark, I’m sorry! Technically I wasn’t even the one that kissed him,” You were trying to explain yourself to your brother, and you hoped that his usual forgiveness would show now. You knew you went against what he had asked, but why was it so wrong?

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Y/n. I just want you to know what you’re really getting yourself into. It was for you,” He was getting frustrated with the way you were interpreting all of his attempts to aid and guide you, and he didn’t want to seem like the bad guy.

“It’s my choice in the end, Mark.”

“Fine then, go and do whatever you want. I don’t care what you do. Go and live it up! Let me know how it goes when you come back down from the clouds, okay?”

You scowled at him, and you wanted to just explode and get all of your anger out at him, but a knock sounded on the door. You gave him one last look before answering it. You wished you didn’t.

The last person you expected on your doorstep was Yuna, but there she was, standing there with a sad look on her face. Right when your brain registered that it was her, your heart broke. You forgot about the new friend you had just made, and it finally caught up to you. Mark had been planning to ditch the scene and go back into his room, but she was the only reason he stayed.

“You knew,” she scolded. She wasn’t yelling, but the pained, motherly tone of her voice seemed to hurt you even more. “You knew yet you still did it,”

Yuna hadn’t been at the party, having been at a volleyball conference, and you wondered how she found out. It didn’t matter, but you wished you could have escaped without being caught red handed, just to make things easier.

“Yuna, I’m so sorry--”

“No. You don’t get to apologize. You knew I liked Lucas,”

And that was the final nail in the coffin. You turned to look at your brother, horrified that he just heard that entire thing. His face was dejected, and he shook his head in defeat.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” He ascended the stairs with nothing left to say. You turned back to Yuna, and you could see something flash in her eyes. Was it realization? It must have been, because she gave up on speaking to you, retreating back down the hallway in shock.

You stood there, frozen, unable to recuperate from the dumpster fire blazing around you. And you shouldn’t have, but if everyone had the right to be mad at you, then you figured you deserved a way to cope with it.

“Hello?”

“Lucas, can I come over?” you asked into the receiver, your voice shaking from the nerves. You had asked Jeno for his number, getting a couple smirking emojis back in response. “I’m sorry, I just need somewhere else to go right now,”

You were scared of the response you were going to get, but you couldn’t think of anywhere else you could bear being right then. There was brief silence from his side, and you began to grow anxious as you pressed the button to the ground floor inside the elevator.

“Hello? Lucas?”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m driving there right now. Just wait for me,”

He was making it harder and harder to resent him every second you spent around him. Lucas was dangerous, a contagious plague that infected you. When it came to him, you never wanted to be so bad.

He pulled up to the curbside of your building in just a few minutes, and on the quiet ride to his own apartment, you realized that all this time he had been living relatively close. You wondered why him and Mark didn’t live with each other instead. No words were exchanged, but Lucas felt how upset you were. He wanted to tread lightly, to make sure he didn’t mess anything up, quite a change of pace as to when he didn’t care much at all.

There was something in him that was changing, and for the time being, maybe he was okay with it. Harm was something he had grown to coexist with, so what was one more trial run for the books? If it didn’t work out, then he’d figure it out from there. If it did, well, then he’d figure it out from there with you by his side, instead. Either way he’d trek on like he always does.

His living space didn’t look much like you expected it to, a small studio apartment with everything he needed all in one room, accompanied by a bathroom. He kept it mostly clean, with a few things laying around here and there, and it was cozy. Somehow it felt familiar to you, even if you’d never been there before.

“What happened?” he asked softly, gesturing for you to sit in one of the two chairs at his small kitchen island, but you declined his offer, so he stayed standing, too.

“I think I fucked up,” you replied, looking at him with eyes that didn’t want to cry, but brimmed with tears anyway. Your lips were forced into a deep frown, even when you tried not to. It seemed like everything you told yourself not to was what you ended up doing these days.

“Come here,” he whispered. You didn’t hesitate to walk forward into his arms, finding yourself wrapped in his comfort for the first time. He was warm and sturdy against you, his long arms linked around you as he rested his chin on the top of your head. He wondered if what he was doing was right when you cried into his chest, but it was perfect. You two stayed like that for far too long, until the tears stopped falling and your breathing went back to normal, but he didn’t make a move to let you go, because if he did, he wouldn’t know what to say. He was never good with words.

It had been a while since Lucas had felt right, but he found himself sinking into your pain in a beautiful, comforting way. He was beginning to think it was time to find a reason to stick around for a while.

Lucas Wong was bad news, and everyone loved it. They ate it up like a buffet. Everyone except you. You knew the side of him that no one else got to see, making him far more of a heartbreaker than they could even imagine.

~

Lucas would be lying if he said he wasn’t sexually attracted to you. There were a lot of things he was dishonest about in life, but his infatuation with you was something left outright on the table. You had an affect on him, and it drove him mad.

Quite honestly, you had a lot of nerve to spend most of your time with Lucas. You knew this, yet you couldn’t stop yourself. He didn’t exactly make it very difficult to stay, anyway.

“I like this one the best,” you told him, pointing at the smaller, more modest of his tattoos right on his mid-forearm. It was an animation of a small sakura flower, the innocence of it greatly contrasting the imagery of the many tattoos that seemed to overwhelm the first impressions people had of Lucas.

“You haven’t even seen them all, yet,” he remarked, looking down at you as your head was laid against his chest, the two of you staring up at his ceiling as he played with your hair. In the many moments you got to share with him recently, you realized that what seemed like lack of emotion in him was really just the numbness he seemed to find himself stuck in. But in some sparks of light at the end of the tunnel, he’d pull everything together and tell himself that it was okay to feel when it came to you.

“You have more?” you asked, grabbing the hand that wasn’t running along your scalp and observing the tiny tattoos on his knuckles. You smiled back at the smiley face on his middle finger.

“Try sit up for a second,” he requested, and you turned to face him as he began pulling his shirt over his head. You remembered his bare torso from the beach all those months ago, but now seeing it up close, there was a big, gorgeous drawing of a dragon across the entirety of his back.

“I take it back, this one is my favorite. Wait, no. It’s the flower. Definitely the flower,” He laughed at your indecisiveness, but enjoyed the small graces of attention you were giving him. Lucas found that he liked when you complimented him.

“You’re my favorite,” he replied, turning his body around to bless you with a short, deep kiss.

“That was so cheesy, especially for you,” you criticized, but you let yourself lean in to repeat the action. He loved your lips, the way you let him take control, the way you tried to merge yourself with him. He thinks he’ll never grow tired of it.

Things can always escalate quickly with Lucas, you found, and soon you were being pressed into the mattress as he kissed you with his forearms straining to hold himself above you. He had one knee slotted between your legs, and he pulled away to look down at you and the way your lips swelled from his assault.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured, his black bangs swaying back and forth as he tried to get his breathing under control. The knowledge that you left him breathless was incredibly rewarding. He smiled right back at the silly grin on your face. “The fucking things you make me want to do to you,”

“Then do it,” you begged, desperate to submit yourself to the mercy of him. You wanted him to show you how to dirty yourself, your innocence. You were so far deep now, why not go top speed down the path to destruction? Maybe you’d get some fun and pleasure out of it, too.

“Don’t ask for what you can’t handle,” Lucas warned, using every ounce of little self control in him to not fully indulge in you. He was scared you’d break.

“I’ve never been fucked before,” you stated, the filthy words feeling a bit foreign on your tongue. You liked it. “Is that too scary for you?”

Lucas felt like a little kid in a candy store. He always did when he was with you, but this time, he didn’t have any parents making sure he didn’t grab everything he could get his hands on and run. He was let loose to his own devices.

“I’m going to ruin you,” he groaned, but it wasn’t a threat. Even better, he was simply stating a fact. That brought a chill down your spine. “Are you sure you want this? I need to hear you say it,”

“I want this, Lucas. Please, please,”

Lucas didn’t even kiss you again before he helped you take your shirt off, the impatience and pent up sexual frustration eating away at him far too much to take it slow. He wanted to chip away at your foundation until you dropped down to the level he wanted you to be. The level he stood at where he needed to be inside of you. Yesterday.

You whimpered his name as he forced your bra off, tweaking one of the buds with his thumb and watching with fascination as you jerked and melted at the simple touch. He was about to have a lot of fun with you.

Lucas switched the two of you in position, dragging you on top of him and flipping you over so your back was resting against his chest. You sat between his legs, covered in the sweatpants you loved on him, and he wrapped his arms around your torso to pull you closer.

“Take everything off,” he whispered in your ear, and you complied quickly as he praised you for being so compliant. You couldn’t even feel any shame or shyness as you left yourself naked for him to see, too adamant on feeling good. You just wanted to know what it was like, and Lucas turned you on more than you ever thought possible.

“Have you ever touched yourself, princess?” he asked, and you shook your head. Lucas hummed sweetly, softly taking your right hand in his and guiding it down to the place you needed to be touched the most. He hovered your fingertips, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of your slicken heat, before he pressed them against the wetness you felt pooling inside of you. You closed your thighs together, embarrassed at the fact that you were touching yourself so provocatively.

“Tell me what you want, baby. Do you want me to do it for you?” he asked, his voice dripping with something sweet even when he was insinuating such a naughty act. You nodded, but it wasn’t enough to make him give you what you wanted. “Use your words, Y/n,”

“I want you to touch me,” you whimpered, face reddening and you wondered if you would ever be able to recover from the shame you were feeling.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” he asked, spreading your legs apart again and hooking your right leg with his so you wouldn’t be able to close them again. You grabbed his hand, switching roles as you pressed his hand onto your welcoming cunt.

“Here. I want you to touch me here,”

And with that, Lucas ran his long, cold fingers through your folds, enjoying the relieved sigh you let out. The pad of his pointer finger tapped lightly against your clit, in a surprising movement that made you jerk against him. He groaned as you created friction against his growing hard on.

“Lucas, oh my god,” You were lost in the pleasure, the intensity of it somehow amplifying as you were prevented from squirming much in his hold. He rubbed firm circles on your clit, letting you thrash and moan against him.

“Does it feel good?” You nodded against him, your eyes shut tightly, but they flew open when you felt him begin to press a finger inside your hole.

“I love being the only one to touch you,” he panted, his raspy voice going straight into your ear and down to your gushing pussy. “I want to ruin you for every other guy. But I won’t need to, right? I’ll make you feel so good that you’ll always come crawling right on back to me,”

You liked the sound of that, reaching a hand behind your head and grabbing the hair right above his neck. You wanted to hold onto him, ground yourself as he promised to make you never let go. His single finger pumped in and out of you as the heel of his palm dug into your sensitive bud. He loved the sound of you chanting his name. Lucas loved everything about you.

“Fuck, you can barely take another one,” Lucas groaned, managing to after some effort press another finger into you. The stretch was delicious although a new feeling for you, but you would take anything Lucas had to give.

“But I can take your cock, I’ll be a good girl,” you mindlessly rambled, your mind already far away from where your body was getting pleasured. You used your fastly diminishing strength to look down, the stark black ink of his tattoos standing out prominently against your skin as the muscles and veins in his forearms tensed with each movement geared towards bringing you to your impending climax. His unoccupied arm snaked up to your mouth, and you slackened your jaw so he could insert a couple fingers inside, sucking on them eagerly before he pulled them away.

“Good girl, you’re so good for me princess,” he praised, nipping softly on your earlobe. You could barely hear the things he was whispering to you, a ringing in your ears as you struggled to buck your hips up. His fingers reached deep inside of you, curling to press against your sensitive walls. High pitched whines fell from your lips and you were clenching around him, and he shuddered at how tight he could tell you were.

“Come for me,” Watching you squirm above him was beginning to affect him. Lucas’ feet, which were planted on the mattress, pressed harder into the bed to apply pressure and grind his erection against you.

Your grip on his hair was harsh and you reached down to grab his arm with the other. Your legs shook against him and Lucas admired the way you molded into him. Your high exploded, white flashing behind your eyes as waves and waves of pleasure coursed through you and he helped ride you through it. By the time your eyes refocused and your head cleared, Lucas had let up on his ministrations and was hugging you from behind, calming you down with small whispers.

“You did so good, princess. So good,” he spoke into your hair. He was so soft for you, conceding to all of your demands even if he desperately wanted to relieve himself as well. You realized this, and knew you wanted to do the same for him. Still trying to recover from the mind blowing orgasm, you used actions instead of words and reached down to tug at the waistband of his sweatpants. He kicked them off urgently, and you noticed that he wasn’t wearing underwear the entire time.

You flipped yourself over on shaky limbs, sitting with your legs tucked underneath you on the bed and you got to see his dick for the first time. Or any dick, really. It was red and rock hard, precum leaking off the tip, and you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching out to lightly touch the head. He sucked a harsh breath in, trapping his lip between his teeth and he grunted softly under his breath.

“I kind of want to, uh, can I suck you off?”

Lucas thinks his heart stopped for a second. You were looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, and he knew he was done for. He said he wanted to ruin your expectations of all men who followed him, but once again, he ended up the fool. He could only hope that you would stay with him, for as long as you could, so he wouldn’t have to look or touch another girl and see your face staring back at him in his head.

“As much as I want that, I might come in your mouth after like, 30 seconds, and I don’t think either of us want that,” He closed his eyes, fighting his natural instincts, as he was never one to pass up a blowjob, but like he said. Lucas needed to be inside of you.

“I’m ready, Lucas,” you pleaded, and he rushed to lay you down and return to his position above. Your muscles were already weak and you appreciate him letting you relax as he pumped his cock a few times, hissing from the sensitivity. You admired the sight and pushed your hips up slightly, searching for attention. Lucas chuckled, pushing your waist back down harshly.

“Don’t be a brat. Take what I give you,” he scolded, and you didn’t try to do it again. His tone was too demanding. Lucas could see the shame in your eyes, and his hard expression softened. He cupped your cheek softly and pressed the lightest kiss to your lips. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered back.

Lucas reached over to the side of his bed and grabbed a condom from inside the drawer. Tearing the package open with his teeth, he rolled it on his length and glanced up at you as he lined his tip with your entrance.

“Tell me if I need to stop,” You nodded, and the nervousness came back to hit you like a truck. It was finally dawning on you that you were about to lose your virginity.

Lucas started trying to push in, intruding your folds, but his cock was getting rejected by your walls. You were clenching so hard that he couldn’t push himself in.

“Y/n, you have to relax,” he cooed, stroking your hair and bending down to press soothing kisses to your neck. “You’re clenching too hard, princess,”

Although Lucas knew he needed to loosen you up, it excited him a bit too much at the prospect of how tight you would be when he’d finally fuck you properly. You sighed from his soft, sweet attention as he continued to kiss your fear away. You thought about how good he was going to feel, how much he was going to fill you up, anything to excite you. Pulling yourself together, you eased your tense muscles and reached down to wrap your gentle hand around his length, coaxing him toward you.

Lucas sighed in relief, pressing himself back up with his elbows locked strongly in place. He let you line him up, and marveled at the fact that it was finally happening. He pushed forward, inching slowly and slowly until you clenched around only half of his cock. He was panting heavily, out through his mouth, pupils blown out as he looked down at you intensely. The pain of the intrusion made you grimace, and Lucas talked you through it as you got used to the stretch.

Your walls were captivating and Lucas thought he was somewhere far higher than where he’d ever been. You were roping him back up from the depths below, his angel sent from heaven. The angel he was corrupting. The girl he was watching fall into the palm of his hand, even if he was the one wrapped around your finger.

“Lucas, fuck me,”

So he did. He would do anything you asked. Starting off slow, he continued to work his length into you until you took nearly all of him, and you both moaned at the feeling. You felt good enough to cry.

As he could tell you got more and more adjusted, Lucas increased his pace with every pleasured moan you let out. He sat back on his heels, grabbing your hips and pulling you towards him so he could properly piston in and out of you. Each time he bottomed out he used his biceps to pull you into him, just a little bit more so he knew you could feel him right where he wanted you to. Your eyes were shut and your hands were grabbing desperately at the sheets.

“You take me so well, fuck, you’re fucking perfect. Your pussy’s so perfect,” Lucas was trying to talk so his mind would stay present, so he wouldn’t get lost in the pleasure. He wanted to feel everything. He wanted to remember this for the rest of his life. You opened your teary eyes and moaned at the sight in front of you, the sweat dripping down his body and down the ridges of his abs, eyes trailing lower and lower past his v-line and finally resting on where he was pounding harshly into you.

“I knew you would feel so good,” he growled, his head spinning and he was slipping away from the control he wanted. Lucas was quickly approaching the threshold dividing himself between guiding you through your first time, and fucking you until you cried and begged him to stop.

With this thought in mind, Lucas kept his pace as he began rubbing circles into your clit, succeeding in feeling you orgasm around his dick, shaking below him. Moans of his name were the only thing coming out of your mouth, loud and wanton and you briefly wondered if he would receive a noise complaint. It wasn’t a concerning thought, instead, you felt proud. You were the one getting fucked into the mattress, and you wanted everyone to know it.

Lucas slowed his pace until he came to a stop, pulling out of you and flipping you over.

“Get on all fours,”

He had officially crossed his inner boundary line. After making you come on his cock, Lucas had no other goal in his mind than doing it again. And again, and again, and again.

He kept his promise, sinking into you from behind and coming with you as you reached your second climax. Then he made you ride him as he got to watch you make those pretty sounds of yours, and when you got too tired he held you up and thrust into you from below. All night Lucas fucked you enough times to rid you of your innocence, and you knew you’d want this life forever.

-----------------------------

“Come on, you have like two weeks to finish this paper. Just get in my car, Y/n,” Lucas whined, but at a softer volume so the rest of the library couldn’t hear him be the big baby he was whenever he was around you. He still had a reputation to upkeep.

“Just think about it, once I’m done, I can spend as much time with you as you want,” you said, not even glancing away from the screen of your laptop. You had a look of concentration and you bit your lip absentmindedly, when Lucas suddenly cupped your chin and turned you to face him.

“Well if you’re going to keep typing away at your goddamn computer, then I need something to do, too,” He grabbed your bag from off the ground and forced your computer into your hands, grabbing your arm and leading you away from the table before you could even ask where he was taking you. Lucas navigated the many circular tables littered around the large building until he reached the individual self-study rooms, opening one of the unoccupied doors and closing it behind the two of you.

“Sit,” he ordered, placing your bag beside the chair you placed yourself in. Your heart was beating rapidly, wondering where he was going with this. Standing on the opposite side of the table, he gave you a mischievous smile before lowering himself down with a playful wave, disappearing out of sight of you, and anyone who might look through the window only high enough to show you everything above the upper half of your torso. You tried to keep a straight face as you spoke to him blindly.

“Lucas, don’t you fucking--,”

You felt his hands rubbing your upper thighs, and he shushed you.

“Be quiet, baby. And act normal, you have an audience,”

He could feel you shudder as he flipped up the short skirt you were wearing, the one that made him fantasize about this very moment, and didn’t hesitate before he rubbed you through the thin material of your panties. You sucked in a breath, giving a paranoid look out the window as you subtly sunk yourself down in the chair to give him better access.

“Good girl,” was all he said before he occupied his mouth with licking a stripe up the damp fabric, several times before he was satisfied with the small whimper you let out. He told you he wanted you to be quiet, but he was lying.

Pushing your panties to the side, Lucas was met with the wonderful sight of your glistening folds. He kissed your heat at first, hiding his tongue from you, and only when you began to squirm in your seat did he sink his tongue into your hole. Your fists clenched and you pretended to open up one of your textbooks in front of you so you could appear preoccupied, your teeth biting your tongue harshly trying not to make a sound. These walls weren’t soundproof to the outside.

Lucas, however, was making all the noise in the world, humming lightly into you and the sloppy sounds of him fucking his tongue into you weren’t very discreet. He was determined to make you come on his mouth, and he would take all of it and still want more.

Leaving your entrance, Lucas moved up to torture your neglected clit, sucking and swirling around it with his mouth. As much as you didn’t want to get caught with his head between your legs, you weren’t planning to make him stop. The entire atmosphere and risk of it all was probably what made the build up to your orgasm so quick.

“Lucas, I’m going to come,” you scream-whispered, and although you couldn’t see him you could feel the smirk radiating from underneath the table.

“Well go on then, that’s what I’ve been trying to make you do all fucking week,”

You clamped a hand over your mouth as you moaned into your palm, closing your eyes and focusing on the pleasure he was giving to you. Gone was the window, and the people quietly getting their work and reading done outside, and suddenly it was only you and Lucas. He was the only one in your present world.

Lucas groaned at the way you gushed for him, not stopping until he licked up every inch of you and you finally pushed his head away. He made his way back to a standing position out from under the table and grinned goofily at you, his back towards the window so no one else could see the way his face was glistening with your juices.

“You’re a fucking madman, Lucas Wong,”

~

“I really think you should talk to him,” Lucas said, sitting in his car with you inside of your apartment parking structure. Although you go home almost everyday to your loft shared with Mark, the two of you don’t speak frequently. It’s never out of hatred, more out of awkward discomfort as neither of you know what to say. You know that neither of you have even spoken to Yuna since the outburst, and you wondered if you would ever again.

“Easy for you to say, he already got over the awkwardness with you,” you complained. He sighed, squeezing your hand in his.

“You know that’s different. I’m his friend. It’s a lot easier for a guy to dismiss a topic like this with a guy than his little sister,”

You knew he was right, and that’s why you found yourself punching the code into your lock pad with the intent to finally clear the air with your brother. He was cooking something on a pan when you walked in, and he gave you barely a glance.

“Mark?” you called, setting your bag on the countertop and sitting on one of the stools. “Can we talk for a second?”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” he replied, looking up from his deformed egg. “And I just want to say that I’m sorry,”

Your heart dropped, and for the first time you felt bad for not making more of an effort to speak to him sooner. You kept telling yourself that you were just trying to find the right time, but maybe the right time was as soon as possible. Mark had probably been struggling with it, too.

“I never should have made such a fuss about it. In reality, I didn’t know Lucas as well as I thought I did. And seeing him change alongside you, seeing him truly happy for maybe the first time since I met him, I realized that maybe you guys both needed each other. And I was getting in the way of that while making you feel shitty about it,” he had a smile on his face, just like he always did, as he translated the thoughts he’d been wanting to say for a while. You didn’t deserve such a good brother.

“I’m sorry too, I got caught up in the thrill of it all and I guess I forgot that other people exist in this world. And I’m sorry about Yuna,”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll get over it. Seeing she hasn’t even tried to contact me ever since, maybe she really wasn’t the one for me. Not everyone can find love like you,” he joked, and you chuckled lightly. A strange smell began wafting into your nose, and you made a face of disgust.

“I think something’s burning,”

“My egg!”

~

“You’re a real burden for me, you know,” Lucas teased as you gave him directions to an unknown location. You wished you could blindfold him and drive yourself, but Lucas didn’t let anyone else drive his car. Not even you. Not his beloved ‘Lucas Jr.’

“Yeah, yeah. Keep driving, peasant,” He shook his head, but you could see the ghost of a smile on his face as you laughed hysterically at your own joke. “We’re almost there,”

Honestly, you were almost to the parking lot, an entire block away from the actual location, because you wanted to make sure it would be a surprise. So when he parked and the two of you got out of the car, you made him bend his tall frame down so you could tie the scarf around his eyes. It was a funny sight, seeing a six foot tattooed man being dragged blindfolded down the street by his girlfriend, but what was life with Lucas if you didn’t make it exciting?

“God, woman. You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? Tie me up and push me down a ditch,”

“Can you shut up for two seconds? We’re here,”

You untied the knot and let the fabric fall from his eyes, and he blinked the initial shock of bright light away and stared up at the building in front of him.

“Ta-da!”

“It’s a… a tattoo parlor?”

“Correct you are, Lucas. And I, Y/n Y/l/n, will be getting my very first tattoo. Like right now,”

Lucas looked at you with confusion, never expecting you to make such a decision.

“What are you even getting? Have you even thought this through?” You rolled your eyes, grabbing his arm tightly, pointing at it.

“You’re getting a fucking weed leaf on your arm?”

“No, you dumbass! I’m getting the sakura flower,” you sighed, ready to abandon him outside and walk in alone. You watched as a look of epiphany graced his face and suddenly he looked ecstatic. Somehow the gravity and meaning behind your decision was so overwhelming for him that he hugged you right in the middle of the busy sidewalk, lifting you up and swinging you around.

Every moment Lucas spent with you, he could feel you slowly patching up his wounds and scars. There was something about you that healed him, and he was seeing the finish line clear in sight now. He’d never been motivated to do anything in his life, but now it seemed like all he was ever made to do was love you. And he was okay with that.

“You just know exactly how to make me fall in love with you, don’t you?” he asked, putting you down and grabbing your face in his hands. He was smushing your face together a little bit, but you still had the biggest smile on your face. “You won’t look back on this in thirty years and regret it, right?”

“Definitely not,” you replied, leaning in to smash his lips into yours. You pulled away and he had the silliest grin on his face. “And even if you were, I’d let you be my worst mistake, Lucas Wong.”

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this fic took a lot out of me. It's also being published two days late, sorry TT. anyways time for me to take a nap wow

Sincerely,

warnings: yandere themes, obsessive behavior, depression, stalking(?), suggestive, kissing, grinding

The rain was pouring too hard. So hard it would be impossible for anyone to see more than 10 feet in front of them. It truly reflected his mood as Jaemin trudged his way home, drenched and discouraged. And maybe a little drunk.

He didn’t mean to be out this late, and he definitely didn’t mean to lose his wallet back at the club. His friends dragged him along as if he needed it, as if it would spontaneously help to cure the empty hole inside of him. Now they were riding the early hours of the morning while he was skipping out on the taxi fare after calling it a night. He’s been low for a while now, but he bet it didn’t show.

No one was around as he dragged along, his feet scuffing on the concrete. Heavy, so fucking heavy, and he didn’t have the strength to pick them up. He was beginning to wonder why he even came in the first place. There was nothing for him at the bar in town. It was actually quite funny, so funny he began to laugh. Hard, rigid chuckles escaped him.

“Wow,” Jaemin cried to the moon. He twirled around a few times, arms outstretched as if he were dancing with the raindrops, his feet stomping into the puddles. Teetering on the edge of the curb, Jaemin shuffled along the sidewalk and closed his eyes in bliss. This is it, he thought. His breaking point.

“Oh, watch out!”

You lunged for the man and grabbed his arm, pulling him back onto the sidewalk, just in time before he nearly headed straight into the occupied street. A car honked harshly and zoomed past, your dazed stranger stumbling a bit before his knees hit the ground. Jaemin was off his illusion, his perfect world torn away from him once again. He wanted to scream, cry, maybe even yell at you, when suddenly the rain stopped.

Well, it was really just your umbrella as you thrust it over his head, concerned. Your well-done hair was getting battered by the rain now, but you crouched down a bit to make sure he was fully covered.

“Are you alright?” you asked, watching as Jaemin slowly lifted his head to look at you.

No, I’m not alright. Jaemin’s inner voice exclaimed, but somehow he felt he couldn’t share that with you. Not for the fact that he didn’t know you, or even because it was something he never shared, but merely because he felt it would bring you down with him. He observed you, your quickly dampening figure that had been dry only a moment ago, and he knew he didn’t want to burden you. You seemed like the type of person who would take his problems and feel the pain yourself.

“Y-yeah,” Jaemin insisted, hurriedly pushing the umbrella back over you as he stood, shuddering with blood on his knees. You stepped a bit closer so the hood could cover you both, Jaemin widening his eyes and stepping away.

“Here,” you blurted, holding the umbrella out to him. He looked down at your hands questioningly, and you sighed. “It’s okay, I live right here. Just take it before my arms get tired,”

Jaemin reluctantly accepted the offer, watching you emotionlessly as you walked back toward the entrance of your apartment. His hand was shaking as it clung to the umbrella for dear life.

“Wait,” he whispered, but he was much too quiet for you to hear him over the pouring rain. Your hair was the last thing he could make out of you in the dark, your effect on him lingering even after you disappeared. Come back. Come back, I want to talk to you.

It was amazing what your flimsy plastic umbrella could do against the rain. He didn’t have to drown in it anymore.

Jaemin was far too vulnerable for a moment like this. He had nothing to stop him from his growing interest in you. You protected him. You made him forget about everything, all of his problems, even if it was only for a moment. In his world, that meant everything. So maybe it was his headspace at the time that was to blame, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. It was bound to happen, it just happened to be you. The girl he saw on a rainy night during his drunken venture back home, and now his demise was on the horizon. This was how the story of you and Na Jaemin came to be. The night you met.

------------------------------

Jaemin’s trip to the market was absolutely necessary, and you just happened to be walking in the same direction. He planned to go long before last night. He just needed some fruit. Right, yeah.

The timing was so perfect, so coincidental, that you were technically the one who approached him first.

“Hey!”

Jaemin turned on the spot, his head searching for the voice. You were walking towards him, an amused smile on your face. Wasn’t this the guy from last night?

“Oh, umbrella girl,” the man greeted with a smile and a hand in offering, his grin enough to swoon you under the hot sun. In the curtain of rain he was good looking, but here in the daytime, you swore your heart stopped at the sight of him. The way he carried himself was different now. You could tell.

“It’s Y/n,” you giggled, accepting his hand shake. His hand was firm and warm, you noticed.

“Jaemin,” he replied. He leaned in close, and for a second your imagination betrayed you until he stopped only within respectful distance. “Thank you for last night, by the way. My impending cold was reduced to a stuffy nose, thanks to you,”

You smiled at his charming antics, feeling the mutual tension grow between the two of you. If you were being completely honest, it had been a while since you’d sought after or been chased by any guy, so this was a pleasant surprise. Even if things were moving so quickly, and you were now being led into a cafe alongside your almost-stranger.

“So what were you doing last night in the pouring rain, Jaemin?” you pried, settling down into the booth across from him with a chilled coffee to sip on.

“Hm, that’s the question, isn’t it?” he sighed, peering out the window beside the both of you. His jaw was sharp as he gulped. “I was nursing a broken soul, I guess. Or at least trying to,”

Your eyebrows knitted at his words. You were always quite the empath, your heart reaching out to the man who seemed hurt enough to share it so freely. Immediately, Jaemin quite regretted sharing that with you when that was the expression you made. You grabbed your discarded straw wrapper from beside your cup, beginning to fiddle with it as he turned to watch you.

“What are you doing?”

“Hold on, I learned how to do this back in school. Hopefully I still remember—aha!” You held up your masterpiece with an accomplished smile on your face, pinching the folded wrapper between your fingers and showcasing it to the brightening man. Jaemin chuckled at the small, makeshift origami heart.

You were something special. Something perfect. Jaemin was utterly infatuated.

“Is this your way of confessing your feelings for me?” he gasped, a hand on his heart as he accepted your gift with genuine gratitude.

“I’ve only met you twice, stranger,” you teased, sipping on your coffee as you stared at him with mock suspicion.

“Can we make it a third, maybe, tomorrow?”

And so you met him the next day, at the local park. Then he took you to dinner two evenings later, and then you found your expeditions with Jaemin becoming a regular occurrence.

“I’ve just never seen you so happy before,” your roommate gushed. Mira was sitting on the edge of your bed watching you get ready for your date. “I can already see the lovesickness in your eyes. He better not be a player, or you’re in trouble,”

“And that’s why, Mira! He knows what he wants. He just—he’s so sweet and committing and I really don’t want to mess things up with him. This truly feels like something amazing,” you sighed, abandoning your last stray pieces of hair and collapsing onto the mattress beside her. She was right, maybe you were a bit in over your head.

Except you weren’t. Jaemin was ready to do anything to make this work. Anything.

“You look beautiful,” Jaemin complimented, leaning attractively against his passenger door as he waited for you outside your building. You thanked him as he helped you inside, and he drove toward the cinema just ten minutes away.

“A horror movie?” you exclaimed. He looked down at you as he led you toward the corresponding theater down the hallway. Your hand was clasped in his and he was looking back at you like you held his heart, which you kind of did, all things considered.

“It’ll be fun. Or dare I say, scary,” You scowled at him, but compliantly allowed him to drag you into the seat beside him, advertisements playing for the meantime as you waited anxiously.

“You’ll be the death of me,” you whispered, leaning so close your shoulders touched.

“Ditto,”

It was fifteen minutes into the movie, meaning things were about to ramp up. The plot had already been set, and now the scary stuff actually had to come out. Even if you were anticipating it, you still weren’t prepared.

“No. No, no, no,” you whispered, closing your eyes at the jump scare. Jaemin tried to hold in his laughter, and you slapped him on the arm. “This isn’t funny. I’m suffering,”

“Suffering,” Jaemin mocked, but he boldly reached to clasp your fingers in his and used his other hand to guide your head onto his shoulder. You relaxed into him despite how tense you felt inside. Jaemin smiled to himself at your warmth, but he forced himself to look at you seriously. “If you want to, we can leave,”

“It’s okay, maybe,” you whispered, glancing at the screen again but returning to his comfort once the disfigured character reappeared. Jaemin used his hand that was holding yours to lead you to stand, guiding you through the dark theater and back out to the lobby.

“It’s raining,” he observed as the two of you stood at the exit doors, hesitating to walk out.

“I’m sorry,” you pouted. “We should just go back inside, I don’t want to make you walk in the rai--”

Jaemin disregarded your suggestion and pulled you outside, the two of you immediately drenching under the pouring rain. You looked up at him and were reminded of the night you’d seen him walking alone on your street, but he looked different now. Happier.

He looked down at you, laughing as you both scrambled to get underneath an awning above one of the closed shops down the street. You were panting from laughter and exertion, and you were smiling up at him so cutely Jaemin couldn’t help but pull you into him. He could see every sparkle in your eyes like this. Or maybe he was just imagining it. Either way, he was enraptured.

“This setting feels a bit familiar,” he giggled, walking backwards until his back met the glass door behind him. You leaned against his warm body, his mind reeling at the action, and he wondered if you could tell.

“Mmh,” you hummed in response, distracted by the way his eyes were flickering down to your lips. When he met your eyes again, and he saw the look in yours, he slowly leaned in. And then your lips met, and Jaemin spiralled completely out of control. His stomach was doing flips but he grounded himself by cupping your face in his hands, trying to get them to stop trembling.

Your lips were softer than he had imagined, something he thought was impossible, and he immediately pressed further into you. You couldn’t get enough, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer. Your first kiss together but surely not the last. Jaemin marked the moment in his memory, and in his heart.

No angels could beckon him back. His soul was wrapped in yours. It’s been six weeks.

------------------------------

Wrap Jaemin’s arms around you and he would stay there for hours. No movement, nowhere to be, just the two of you. He had a habit of running his hands through your hair or along your skin, anywhere he could reach as long as he could rub soothing circles along it. You thought he was just restless, but Jaemin used it to make sure he wouldn’t fall asleep. He didn’t want to miss a single second of his time with you.

So you were snuggling into his chest, and his hand slid under the hem of your shirt, which was really his, to rub up and down your lower back.

“You’re always so warm,” you commented. Jaemin looked to be on the skinnier side but he was strong, built in the right places to give him an unfathomably attractive body. Paired with his handsome face, you were enthralled by him.

And then there was his personality. As if he’d never love anyone else. You were Jaemin’s oxygen, what he needed in order to survive. Everyone around him told Jaemin that he seemed like a completely different person these days. Like the old you, they’d say. It scared him sometimes, when he looked at you and knew you were the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but it was comforting just as much as it was terrifying.

“You make me warm,” he replied, clutching you just a bit tighter. You adjusted on top of him, and Jaemin couldn’t help but let his mind stray. You two hadn’t gotten past kissing, heated moments of passion before it was cut off, usually by Jaemin. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to; in fact he wanted to so badly he thought it would eat him alive, but he just needed to engage at the right time. He needed to get you yearning for him first. Jaemin thinks he’s achieved his goal, with the way you not-so-discreetly targeted a particular spot on his sweatpants beneath your clothed core.

His hand on your back slid down to your ass, gently squeezing the flesh. It piqued your interest, and you experimentally repeated the motion. This time he groaned, using both hands to grab your ass and pull you flush against his torso. He was breathing heavily in your ear as he used his arms to pull you down onto him, helping you as you grounded harshly against the growing bulge in his pants.

“Fuck, Y/n,” he sighed, nudging his nose against your jaw. You were lost in him and finding all the right places to brush, his erection growing under your core. Jaemin couldn’t even find it in his scrabbled mind to kiss you. You were making him feel too good.

Jaemin shifted his weight and toppled over you, your back hitting the mattress in a flash. He planted both hands beside your head and used it as leverage to grind into you harshly, fast and hurried because in his mind, it's already been too long of a wait. You closed your eyes and arched your back into him. Moans fell from your mouth messily and you would have otherwise been embarrassed, but you would never hold yourself back to a boy who treated you like this.

“Y/n,” Jaemin grunted, a sharp edge to his voice that pierced straight through you. “Tell me how good it feels,”

“So fucking good, Jaem,” you panted back. His cock was rock hard now, you could feel it, but the moment was too established to think of taking it further. All either of you wanted to do was reach your peak. “I-I’m going crazy,”

Stutters. Your stutters fucked him in the head and went straight to his throbbing length. His thrusts grew harder, more rapid, until his hips were slamming down into yours like there wasn’t ever a barrier between.

Everything you did turned him on. Everything you said and every noise you made rocketed him into euphoria. Just a little more.

The hard ridge in his pants caught on your clit. You moaned louder, and Jaemin adjusted so he would hit the spot every single time.

Neither of you thought you were close until you reached up to grip his shoulders. You were a moaning mess, never before experiencing a high quite like this from an action so underwhelming. But Jaemin had an effect on you.

“Jaemin, fuck, please,” You didn’t know what you were asking for, but he knew how to answer.

And when the crotch of your shorts dampened enough to show, Jaemin reached up and tucked his long, slender finger into your mouth. You sucked on it, just like he knew you would. Because you were perfect.

Jaemin knew he wanted to get you like this. His patience had worn thin but he achieved his goal in the end. He was convinced you were at the level of infatuation he was. He knew it the moment he watched your eyes roll to the back of your head just as he ruined his favorite sweatpants.

~

“Mmh, where are you going?” Jaemin mumbled, his face nuzzled into your hair. The day was growing older but the two of you were still in his bed, but your phone was starting to ring for the third time.

“It’s my friend. I forgot I had a study group this afternoon and he was wondering where I was. I have to go, Jaem. See you tonight?”

He?

You were out the door with your bag slung over your shoulder before he could process a thing.

Jaemin layed there for exactly three minutes before his thoughts sprung him out of bed and out the door.

Study group. Study group. Study group.

He racked his brain as he stumbled down the stairs of his apartment complex, his feet moving faster than his mind. But wait.

“I have study sessions with some friends every Saturday. It’s at the public library near your place, I’ll just walk over when I’m done,”

“Do you want me to meet you? I don’t want you to walk alone,”

“You don’t have to, Jaemin. It’s only three blocks,”

Jaemin had grabbed a hat off his dresser to cover his unkempt hair, but it served well as he pulled it over his eyes and stalked up the stairs. He flashed the lady behind the front desk a dashing smile, dropping it the second he passed.

It was comforting how quickly he spotted you. You were hurriedly taking items out of your bag and placing them in front of you, clipping your hair back like you did when he told you you looked pretty. It was a fairly large group, with other girls as well, and it was when Jaemin hid behind a nearby shelf that reality hit.

Na Jaemin, what are you doing?

Jaemin struggled between reprimanding and justifying his actions. He was so caught up in his rush that he didn’t stop to think about how undeniably weird this all was.

But this is love, he thought. No, he knew it. Being in love means to care. And to care is to ensure their safety.

He just didn’t want you to walk alone.

a/n: surprise! I had this in the drafts for a while but i suddenly, impulsively decided to finish it. Anon, there weren’t any specific prompts (which is totally fine! I really love your request) so i wasn’t sure if you wanted full smut or not, but i just wrote the fic where i felt it should go and cut it off when i felt it was right. If you want a full smut, my inbox is still open :)

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