ghost girl.
pairing: yeonjun x non!idol reader genre: angst (no comfort) warnings: breakups, no comfort, sadjun
Yeonjun knew that your relationship was doomed from the start. But he loved you, and he pushed so hard to make it work. Being an idol was a dream in the sense that he couldn’t quite control very much of it. Everything was perfect when he wasn’t trying to have a normal life, when his family was just as busy as he was and when he had no interest in anyone that didn't include his members. But then you happened, and his world flipped upside down. You consumed his thoughts. Suddenly he was lagging behind in practice where he’d usually be ahead of everyone. He was on his phone more often than usual, ate and slept less in favor of having enough time to call you, and spent all of his days off with you. Everything else felt like it was put on the back burner, and his agency noticed quickly. And it wasn’t that they made him break up with you, but they reeled in on everything he was doing. So six months into the relationship, it looked like he suddenly wasn’t putting in any effort.
You were an adult. You had your own life, your own busy schedule, and your own priorities. But that didn’t mean that your relationship wasn’t also important to you. The first change you noticed was when he suddenly stopped responding so often, and spent less of his days off with you. It was hard to revert your focus to the life you had while you were single. Every thought you had was still consumed by him, wondering what happened and why all of a sudden he wasn’t putting in that effort. There were no warnings that were big enough for you to notice. They were gearing up for another comeback, but that didn’t matter so much the last time. Maybe this one was bigger, perhaps the choreo more difficult, or even that he was helping produce it. Still, overthinking was too easy. It pained Yeonjun to not be able to tell you everything, and to not know how you were doing. His thoughts were still consumed by you, even worse now that there was a block between you two that couldn’t be helped. He tried to work harder, practice more, do anything that didn’t require thinking. But that was impossible. You were too amazing in his eyes. Every minute he was apart from you he wished he could have you by his side. But the company hated that. The members were getting frustrated with him, even poor HueningKai who had the patience of a saint, and even less of a will to say anything, pulled Yeonjun aside to say that he was concerned. He’d met you before, and to him you seemed very sweet, but even he didn’t think your relationship was serious enough yet to be pushing all of their work aside for you. Not when you’d never even spent the night at the dorm before. Soon enough, there came a point where you got tired. Not hearing from your own boyfriend at an age where you wanted to get closer to settling down felt childish, even if his job was super demanding. You were tired of feeling like you had no access to him, feeling like you were practically begging for his attention -- so you didn’t. You stopped sending as many texts asking about his day, what he was doing, or even what he was having for lunch. You replied to anything he sent, and that was it.
He knew he had to talk to you. He made sure that his next day off, even half day off would be spent with you, trying to fix things. He was estatic when you agreed to meet with him, already running through the beautiful memories you two would make with each other on your next day together, the food you would eat, whether or not you’d go out or stay at home. He wanted to smother you with all of the love he hadn’t been able to give you since this round of promotions and comeback preparations started, and spent every moment he wasn’t in practice dreaming of it.
You, on the other hand, were mentally preparing yourself to leave. You weren’t sure how to bring it up. Whether to spend the day with him or meet him and break up right then and there. You’d never want to sour his precious day off so immediately, but you knew how he would be. He’d want to hold your hand, to wrap his arms around you in the queues while you waited for your turns doing whatever it was, kiss your nose and your forehead in public and more once you got home. You knew he missed you more than you missed him. You’d already made up your mind. You’d already detached.
So instead of souring said precious day off, you asked to meet him as soon as he got off work. He’d gotten off early, asking the boys for even a sliver of time alone in the dorm so he could comfortably hold you in his arms feeling like you two were the only ones in the world (though he spared the details). His eyes softened and he let out the breath he was holding the second he saw you standing in the doorway. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close and resting his chin on your shoulder. He saw the sad and tired look in your eyes and thought that it would be an easy, peaceful night. He wouldn’t do too much, just hold you comfortably. Yeonjun tried to lead you further into the house, into the living room so you could do just that, but you didn’t budge. <.small>
His heart sank.
“We need to break up,” You said, sparing both your breath and your sanity. You couldn’t ruminate for too long.
Yeonjun panicked. His eyes went wide and quickly glazed over, jaw dropping like he wanted to protest. His thoughts couldn’t even form properly. He knew he’d grown distant. His company had been so onto him about being on his phone he had to sneak around to text you. He still loved you.
“No, please,” He begged. “Can we talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” You sighed. “I’m tired. You can’t help your job and I know you’re giving me everything you can, but I’m tired of waiting around for when you’re finally free. I want someone I can spend time with more often, who isn’t so constantly exhausted when we see each other because your job is working you too hard.”
Yeonjun looked defeated. It wasn’t fair to you. It wasn’t fair to him to stretch himself so thin for you. But he thought loving you would be enough. It was more than enough for him. He was already thinking about how empty his life was going to become without you. You were his distraction. Now all he had was his job.
“Please,” he begged, tears finally falling. He looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes purple and prominent. But he was ready to give up anything if it meant keeping you.
But you wouldn’t let that happen. He’d worked too hard for his career.
“It will get easier,” You told him. “Let the weight fall off your shoulders. Focus on you. Take care of yourself.”
You pulled your wrist away from his grip and held his face. He closed his eyes, melting into your touch one last time as you pressed a small kiss to his nose. Then, slowly to you, but it all too quickly to him, your hands fell, your eyes met one last time, and you turned away, leaving the apartment.
Yeonjun held it together until the door clicked shut, and stared at it until he was sure you weren’t going to rush back in and tell him it was all a prank. He sank to his knees, exhaustion finally consuming him as tears rushed down his face, and he couldn’t contain his sobs.
The members found him thirty minutes later, right where you left him, except now he was curled up into a ball, still quietly sobbing. They were all shocked, but they all quickly picked up on what might’ve happened given you weren’t here to comfort him.
They all moved quickly to sit around him, Soobin pulling him into his arms, whispering apologies as his heart also sank. Yeonjun never stopped talking about you. You were his whole world. He’d always said that he performed like he knew you were watching, staring into the cameras as if they were your eyes. And now that you were gone, they worried about how he was going to hold himself together. They’d never seen him like this before, and even the next day, when they pulled him out of the house to do something, his head hung low and his energy depleted. He was a shell of Yeonjun.
Fans chopped it up to him being exhausted. They said that he should rest, and that his company was overworking him. If only they knew the truth. That his heart has been ripped from his chest and he was still working to build a new one. But they’d never know that. He couldn’t worry his fans, so he had to put on a brave face and pretend that everything was fine.
The tour was miserable for him. Every stop had him scanning the crowds for you, somehow hopeful you’d be there. He’d see someone with your similar haircut or stature and grow excited for a split second, only to be disappointed by the fact that it wasn’t, in fact, you. He’d break down at every closing remark, telling MOAs he was just so happy to see them all and that he hoped they could continue together for a long time, but those words were meant for you. He still yearned to have you back in his life, even when you’d been separated longer than you’d been together.
You’re the one I don’t wanna lose.
When it finally came time to put together his solo song for the next album, you were the only thing that came to mind. You still haunted him in everything he did. He thought about you when he visited shops and thought about things that would have made great gifts for you. She’d like this. She asked for one of these one time. He wished he could’ve given you the world, even a year later. The best he could do was write Ghost Girl, praying you’d hear it. Praying that somehow releasing that song would either help him let you go, or somehow miraculously bring you back to him.
You never spoke to Yeonjun again.
