#neosmutcollective

Rolling onto his stomach, he watched your reflection in the mirror, biting his lip at the way you peeled off each layer of clothing. “Are you getting naked without me?”

“Jeno!” You looked up, making eye contact through mirror before quickly shutting the door.

Snickering to himself, he eventually pushed off the bed, making his way to the door. “Y/N.”

He tried the handle, but it was locked, not that he was expecting otherwise. “Y/N, come on.”

You weren’t mad at him, you weren’t locking him out because you were upset at the way that he peeped at you. In reality you were sitting against the cool tile of the bathtub, not really in the mood to unlock the door.

“Hey, hey I know what you’re doing in there. Let me in.” Jeno knocked against the wood, but soon his words turning into whines.

After a few minutes of nothing, there was a faint scratching noise on the other side, the handle jiggling for a moment. The door popped open, a very satisfied Jeno on the other side with a small screwdriver in his grip.

He waved it at you with a grin, setting it on the sink before making his way on the floor towards you.

Crawling the rest of the distance, you squirmed as he leaned up against you. “Jeno, you’re hot.”

“No, you’re hot.” He grinned, lips falling on the skin of your bare shoulder, kissing the expanse, teeth tugging at the straps of your bra momentarily before you nudged him away.

“Jeno, stop it’s hot.”

“Well, we can fight fire with fire, right?” Jeno pushed back against you, lips finding suction on your most sensitive part of your neck. You gave in for a second, sighing at his ministrations, but it didn’t last long. Hand roaming lower, finding perch on your inner thigh, massaging it closer and closer to the part that was burning the most.

Your hands shoved both his face and hand away from you, “Jeno seriously. I’m about to burst into flames. I can’t.”

He sighed in agreement, collapsing against the tub next to you, eyes closing hoping for a bit of relief. He shifted his hips, trying to adjust himself, cock straining against the fabric of his shorts.

Jeno’s phone rang out from beside him, screen flashing with a new message, and it took him all the effort he had to grab it. But the words on his phone was his saving grace.

“Hey, let’s get out of here.” He said, mood suddenly lifted. Jeno moved to his feet, holding a hand out for you to grab, which you did reluctantly. Shoving your clothes at you, he backed out of the bathroom, huge smile on his face.

“Grab your swimsuit, we’re going swimming.”

“Wow, this place is great.” You sighed out, eyes taking in the whole view of the place.

“Yeah, we lucked out didn’t we?” Jeno dropped his bag on the couch, hands in his pocket as he looked out the large glass doors. “If Chenle didn’t ask me to check up on Daegal, we wouldn’t have landed in this paradise.”

“Gosh, the pool.” Your eyes were dripping in honey at the sight. It was large, blue tiles adorned the side and it had to have been at least ten feet deep in the far end. The shrubbery behind the pool masked the yard from any onlookers, not that there would likely be any. With this view, it was clear it would be a hike for someone to come up here.

Jeno slid the door open, ushering you out first, eyes squinting against the harsh sunlight. You could already see the waves of heat just beyond the pool. “You’re sure that this is fine? I mean, did he say we could use the pool?”

“Mi casa, tu casa.” Jeno smiled out, shaking his head. “It’s a given, besides it’s Chenle, he’s totally cool with it.”

Jeno lifted his shirt up off his back, tossing the white fabric by the group of lounge chairs.

One thing that you loved about swimming with Jeno, you were always gifted with his beautiful abs. He claims he hasn’t been working out more than usual, but the way his muscles grew toned said otherwise, not that you were complaining, it was heaven to look at.

You felt the urge to run your fingers over the dips of each contour, biting your lip to stop yourself.

You were hit with a wave of water, blinded for a moment before you realized Jeno had cannonballed into the pool. There was a sigh of relief from him, grinning at the cool water rushing over him.

“Come on.” He waved you in, “It’s too hot out there.”

Peeling off your shirt, Jeno eyed you up and down, enjoying the inadvertent strip show. You stepped out of your shorts, tossing them in the same direction as Jeno’s shirt.

Eventually you made your way to the edge of the pool, dipping a toe in the water and sighing at the feeling. You gasped out when Jeno tugged at your ankle, nearly falling into the pool at the movement.

Laughing at you, he tugged again, more firm this time now that your foot was completely on the pavement. “Come on, jump in.”

“Alright, I will. Just, I’ll do it on my own.” You pouted, stepping out of his grip defensively. He threw his hands up in surrender, swimming back a couple of feet, letting his chin sink under the water, eyes ever watchful.

You opted for sitting on the side of the pool, slipping into the water until you were fully submerged, popping from the surface gasping for breath.

Pushing your hair back from your face you grinned at your boyfriend, swimming in his direction until your legs wrapped around his waist.

Struggling to keep the two of you up, he gurgled slightly as he sank. Sputtering out as he swam to where he could touch the bottom.

“Y/N. Are you trying to kill me?” He choked out, hands gripping at your ass, keeping you attached to him.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, tapping his nose with yours with a hum. “Mmmmh.”

Leaning down, you kissed him, taking his lips with yours. It was a breathless kiss, the type that would knock you off your feet, if you weren’t floating. Pulling away you heaved a breath, pressing your hands against his chest when he chased after your lips.

Pushing harder, you released your legs from his waist, feet touching the floor. “Come on, I thought we were gonna have fun.”

You laughed, smiling at Jeno from the shallow end of the pool. You perched yourself on the submerged seat, legs swinging in the water.

He swam after you, cornering you against the inlaid seat. “We can have fun.” Jeno whispered, sending chills down your spine, lips skinning the skin at your ear.

He spun you around grabbing at your waist and tugging you onto his lap until you straddled him. Your hands automatically fell to his biceps, keeping you from falling.

Pushing the wet slick of hair from your face, he rubbed at your neck, thumb sliding over the skin of your cheek.

“Fucking gorgeous.” He whispered out, finally taking your lips with his. It was slow and sensual, taking his time with you while he could, before he became starved.

You pressed against him, chest rolling into his, skin burning with desire. You were at your breaking point, and you needed to push him over the edge too. No more of this soft, sensual stuff. You were growing desperate to be touched, anywhere, everywhere.

Whining, you bit at his lip, tugging at the bottom lip and looking at him through your eyelashes. Your hands rubbed up and down over his chest, scratching slightly at the skin, just the way he likes it.

He understood, growling under his breath, hoisting you up higher. Hands dropped from your neck, falling on your ass, kneading them, forcing you down on his already hard cock. He groaned out, hips thrusting up in attempt to get closer, hands getting so tight you were sure you were already bruising.

Jeno sucked at your lip, making you gasp and pull away. He took this opportunity to latch onto your throat, nibbling at the skin, no doubt bruising you there too.

Jeno loved that. Waking up the morning after, fingers tracing over all the little marks he left on you, proof that you were his, his to do with as he pleases.

“All mine.” He grumbled into your skin, “All fucking mine.”

It seemed as if something feral came over him, lips chasing over every space on your neck, dipping lower and lower until he was shoving your swimsuit top out of the way. Sucking and nipping on the supple skin, you threw your head back in pleasure, grip on his hair tightening, tugging him closer.

“Jeno.” You whispered, egging him on, begging.

He gave one last fierce tug on your sensitive nipple before he returned to your lips, nodding into the kiss.

“You want me baby? You want it?”

You hummed, eyes screwed shut, just imagining what he would do to you. His fingers tapped at your naked hips, playing with the small fabric of your bottoms.

He pushed your bottoms to the side, fingers sliding through your folds easily, teasing at them before pulling away. You whined at the feeling, upset at the way that he left you hanging.

Jeno chuckled at your frustrated expression, tapping at your clit teasingly.

You whined again, dropping your right hand down to grab his, stopping him from pulling away all the way.

“Jeno, don’t tease like that.”

He smirked at you, “Why? What’re you gonna do about it?”

Frowning at him, you blew a sigh out, hand releasing from his hand and shoving your hand past his shorts, pawing over his length.

Jeno threw his head back in pleasure, a huff of air escaping him. “Fucking hell Y/N.” His hips bucked at your grip, following the way that your hand pulled him.

His eyes narrowed when he finally pulled his head back, biting his lip at you. He didn’t give you another second of warning, thrusting two digits past your bottoms, pumping them in and out at a rapid pace.

Moans between the both of you grew louder, the water splashing against the edge of the pool, water wetting the perimeter.

“Fuck it.” Jeno muttered, pulling out of your pussy, and pushing your hand away from his hard on. He grabbed his length himself, rubbing it up and down your folds. The way you rubbed your hips against his cock, every once in a while teasing at the whole, just begging to suck him in, had him growling with impatience.

His cock slapped against the front of your stomach, and you scooted forward, not allowing him to maneuver himself back into you.

You panted out, ass wiggling with arousal, knowing that if it weren’t for the pool, you would be dripping all over. “Jeno. Stop, not here. We shouldn’t.”

He brought his left hand up, cupping your cheek with breathless gasps. “It’s fine, no one will see. People are too far to hear.”

Your face glowed with embarrassment. “Jeno, I was thinking about how we can’t do it in their pool. Not about if someone could hear, or see us.”

“It’s fine,” he shook his head, stealing a kiss before continuing. “It’s salt, besides, they have it cleaned weekly. It’ll be clean before they even get back.”

“Jeno.” You whined, shoving your face into his neck, shaking your head.

“All right.” He grumbled, getting a better grip on your ass, hoisting you up to climb out of the pool.

Clinging to him closer, you felt the suction of water leave you, the heat of the sun rush over you.

Before you knew it, you were under the shade of the pergola, Jeno having laid you out on a lounge chair.

“On your knees.” Jeno commanded, stepping out of his shorts down and letting his hand rub over his length, swiping at the leaking precum.

“I wanna ride you.” You whined, pouting at him in refusal, opening your legs up for him instead.

This ticked him off as usual, when Jeno was in the mood, you were to listen to him. He enjoyed watching you submit, do as you were told, lament for him and him only.

“On your knees.” He said again, eyes begging you to misbehave, see how he puts you back into your place. But you eyed him up and down, and promptly rolling over so that your ass was in the air.

He smacked it once, large hands massaging the skin until you were shoving your ass back for more.

“Dirty little girl.” He grinned, smacking you once more for good measure. “Needs to learn to follow directions.”

You moaned at his words, ass pushing even further, needing to feel him against you. Jeno teased you, fingers playing with the fabric of your bottoms, watching them get wet with slick until he couldn’t bear it anymore.

Pulling them off, he left the swimsuit tangled up around your ankles, not bothering to take them all the way off, he enjoyed the way you looked like that. Dirty, half naked, desperate.

He rubbed his shaft up and down through your cracks, teasing at your folds until you were begging for him to put it in.

Jeno was swift, perhaps it was because he wanted to punish you, or maybe he just couldn’t take it any more. You let out a strangled gasp as he bottomed out, the stretch making you feel more full than you remembered.

He didn’t let you get comfortable for too long, pulling out half way before shoving in again. Jeno’s hands landed on your hips, gripping tighter to make it easier to gain traction.

But as much as he liked taking you from behind, he missed watching your expressions, hearing you whine, watching you squirm for him. After only a few more pumps, he pulled out, tapping at your shoulder to tell you to roll back over.

And there you were, hair splayed out around your head, legs propped up around his legs, eyeing him the way that drove him crazy, ridden with lust.

He wasted no time, lining up again, thrusting all the way in, and then pulling you up. Jeno turned the two of you around, sitting on the edge of the chair, propping you up on his lap, hands grabbing at any free skin he could.

You stilled above him, reveling in the feeling of being full, eyes staring down at him.

He kissed you softly with a grin, “Ride me baby.”

You didn’t need to be told twice.

Jeno helped you a bit, using his arms to help you move up and down on his length. You rotated your hips, grinding down on him as he raised his hips to meet you in the middle.

Clawing at his back, you left kisses along his shoulder, biting slightly at the skin as you bounced atop him. Jeno felt the lazy haze of pleasure wash over him, enjoying you doing all the work for him.

But soon you were becoming tired, slowing to an agonizing pace that he could no longer handle.

You let out a shout of surprise as he stood up, dick still deep inside you, moving into a better position.

He dropped you back down, legs still attached at his groin. Jeno pistoned his hips, your legs falling back towards you. He used his hands to hold your legs up, throwing them over his shoulder for easier access.

You moaned at the new position, the way his hips eased up and hit the spot that sent you wild.

“Yeah, you fucking love that? So loud the neighbors can hear? Want them to know who’s fucking you so good, huh?”

You whined, covering your face with embarrassment. But he wouldn’t have it, his hands grabbing at yours, pulling them down until he could pin them to your chest with one hand.

“Say my name.”

But you could barely breathe, let alone say his name. It was dripping from your mouth, begging to come out, but all you could do was pant out.

“My name Y/N. Say it.”

“Jeno.” You managed out, breathless and dry, covered by a moan.

“Louder.” His hips moved faster, harder against you. The lewd sound of skin pounding against skin louder than you can scream.

His hand found your clit, painting figure eights to help you, eager to hear you cry his name, needing to hear it.

“Oh my god. Jeno.” You gasped out, clutching at his arms, nails digging into the skin. “Fuck. I’m fucking– ugh, I’m close.”

“Hang on.” He grunted, continuing to hit that spot until you both felt the highs of your orgasms rising. “ ‘m close.”

Soon after, you felt the feeling of warm cum fill you up, you cumming soon after at the feeling. Walls suctioning him in that he had to wait until you were all the way done before it was even possible to pull out.

He sighed, pulling out and immediately sinking to his knees. You sat up partially, eyes still blurry, but watching with confused eyes.

“Jeno no, I–” You pushed at his head, squirming away, but he wouldn’t have it. He gripped you tighter, tugging closer on the lounge chair, knees digging into the cement, but he ignored the pain, starved for the taste.

“Umgph.” You tugged at his hair this time, bringing him closer. His tongue dug deep into your pussy, desperate for the taste.

Jeno hummed into your heat, falling deeply into you, drowning in you the way that he loved.

His nose ran over your clit, the stimulation already pushing you close to the edge of your second orgasm. But as his tongue flexed, dipping into your hole, you felt your muscles tighten, in your stomach and between your thighs.

Clenching, your legs automatically squeezed around his head, keeping him there until you finished riding out your high. Not that you needed to. Jeno wasn’t about to let up until every drop of you was devoured.

“God damn.” You sighed out, chest heaving breathlessly from your two orgasms, to fucked out to care that you were still spread out for anyone to see.

Jeno grinned, crawling up over you, pestering kisses on his path as he went. He enveloped your lips with his, tongue sneaking in a bit. When he pulled away, you smacked your lips, the taste of your cum still on your tongue.

His hands ran down your waist, gripping and massaging at the skin as he found pleasure in the expanse of your skin again. Leaving lazy kisses along the skin until he was interrupted by the sharp ring of his phone.

Sitting up, he grabbed at his phone, answering after seeing that it was Chenle, probably checking to make sure he had made it alright.

Feeling kind of self conscious, he tugged on his shorts as Chenle;s voice echoed over the phone.

“God damn it Jeno. I said check on Daegal, not fuck your girlfriend on every surface.” Chenle yelled, and Jeno winced at the noise, just imagining his expression.

“What? How’d you–” Jeno whipped his head around, half expecting Chenle to pop out the door.

“You really don’t think we’d have security cameras?”

Jeno’s eyes widened, roaming around the yard until he noticed the soft blinking light just outside the back door. He then glanced at you, eyes closed and laid out on the chair. He grinned, staring at the camera. “Did you enjoy the show at least?”

You were just going to die when he told you. But with the way that you clenched around him when he teased you about others hearing you, he thought that it just might turn you on more than you would let on.

“What are you doing here?” You immediately asked after opening your door. A valid question. It was late at night and you were just having the age-old discussion of if you were going to watch just one more episode or would finally retreat into your room when your doorbell rang. “Not even a hello?” The man in front of you asked, a cocky grin on his lips and his eyes sparkling with mirth from behind his perfectly styled messy bangs that were newly dyed gray. “I don’t have time for this, Jeno,” you rolled your eyes, ready to slam the door into his face but he was faster, squeezing his foot into your doorframe and pushing the door back open. “Seriously, what do you want?” You groaned, looking him up and down: Nothing out of the ordinary. You weren’t sure if he even owned any other jacket than his team’s blue jacket with the huge 23 on the back, his name embroidered into it in bold letters and decorated in patches that marked him as the ace of the team. Not that you knew anything about baseball or had any interest in the sport. Or Jeno for that matter.

“You see, I have a game tomorrow,” he started off, crossing his arms in front of his chest and leaning against your doorframe, his pose so irritatingly relaxed and nonchalant, you wanted to wipe the attractive grin off of his face, “And you know I need my good luck kiss.” “Go get it from one of your willing groupies then. Or can’t you read the papers they stuff into your bag with their numbers on it?” You scoffed. “And how would you know about that, baby? Are you sneaking into our locker room to catch a glimpse of my body?” You didn’t know if you wanted to punch him for the cocky reply or yourself for walking straight into this one, so you settled for an exaggerated eye roll.

“And why would I do that?” “Because you think I’m attractive,” it wasn’t a question and both Jeno and you knew it. Hell, it would only take one look at his sharp features and sculpted body for anyone to admit that objectively, Lee Jeno was an attractive man. “And because no matter what you say,” he continued, slowly pushing forward until his breath was tickling your skin, “You still want me.” Featherlight, he let his lips caress your pulse that was hammering beneath your skin, the ghost of his touch setting off little firecrackers on your skin. “You want me so badly,” he whispered, “That you would drop down to your knees for me the second I’d ask you to.” “In your dreams, Jeno.” Your voice didn’t even sound half as convincing and harsh as you wanted it to when you needed all your willpower to not grab onto the lapels of his jacket to pull him even closer to you. “You wanna know what I dream about?” He chuckled, slowly bringing up his calloused hands to slip beneath your flimsy shirt you’d be embarrassed about being seen in if you had any brainpower left to think about it. “I dream about you, baby,” he drawled, caressing the skin of your waist with his fingers, “Sprawled out on my sheets, against the door of my locker, in one of the shower stalls, beneath the bleachers. I’m really not that picky.”

“What else?” You sighed, cursing yourself for giving in to the temptation that was Lee Jeno over and over again, tilting your head back so he could press a lingering kiss to your neck. “How pretty you look stuffed with my cock. How sweet your moans sound and how well you always take it. Doesn’t matter if I fuck your filthy mouth to stop you from saying things you don’t actually mean or your pretty pussy,” he went on, pulling you flush against his body so you could feel the hardness of his muscles and his growing length against your thigh.

“You get off of me talking back to you?” You grinned, grabbing a handful of his hair to pull him away from your neck before he could sink his teeth in to mark you as you allowed your other hand to finally touch him, slipping from his strong chest down to his sculpted abs to cup his cock through the tight denim of his pants. “I like my girls feisty,” he said, his breath hitching in his throat when you slowly felt him up, the pressure against his cock only further spurring him on. It was always like this: Profanities dripping from your lips until the tension between you two finally snapped. Your own special kind of foreplay. “But in the end, I always get what I want,” Jeno grinned even though he was the one with his neck bared and half-lidded eyes darkened with lust. “So desperate,” you clicked your tongue, toying with the zipper of his pants, right where his cock was straining against the fabric. “Call me desperate all you want, baby. We both know you want this just as much as I do.” “Well, we can’t let the ace of our team play a bad game just because he didn’t get his good luck kiss,” you mocked his words from before, your patience running thin when you could feel his arousal throbbing beneath your palm. “Take responsibility then,” Jeno grinned, knowing he had won, that you would give in to him.

Using the grip you still had on his stupidly perfect hair, you smashed your lips together in a hungry kiss, obediently opening up for Jeno’s tongue to fight him for dominance. “We know how this ends,” he growled, sinking his teeth into your bottom lip to hear you moan, “So stop fighting.” “Get me to the bedroom then,” you demanded, pulling him close by his stupid jacket so he could kick the door shut behind him, too preoccupied with kissing you senseless to care if the noise would wake up any of your neighbors, they were in for a show anyways.

Without ever detaching from your lips, Jeno was quick to shed his precious jacket and shoes to walk you back towards your bedroom, the path familiar by now. In the four walls of your room, he harshly gripped your waist to all but throw you down onto the mattress, his eyes hungry as he watched you bounce up and down once before you caught his gaze. “Strip,” he all but spat, ripping his tight shirt over his head to reveal his torso, the muscles dancing beneath his skin and some veins on his arms already contrasting his smooth skin. “And what if I don’t?” You chuckled, teasing the bow that held up your lounging shorts. “Then I sure hope you don’t value your clothes,” Jeno growled, unbuttoning his jeans with sure fingers before taking out his wallet from his back pocket to get out a condom he stuck between his teeth before stepping out of his pants.

God, you really had it bad for him if you found that attractive. “Last chance, baby,” he announced, palming himself over his dark briefs that clung to his thick thighs like a second skin. “Or what?” You challenged him, drunk on the tension between you. “Or,” he gritted out, “I can’t guarantee what will happen next.” With that, he kneeled onto the bed, his hands quickly gripping the hem of your shorts to roughly pull them off of your legs along with your panties and if you heard fabric tear, that was your own fault for provoking Jeno. Next, he grabbed your shirt to rake it up your torso and past your boobs. Even though you were arching your back to help him take it off, he simply bunched it up beneath your armpits before stuffing it into your mouth that you had opened to complain.

“Keep it there,” he commanded, his eyes demanding nothing less than absolute submission as his hands roughly kneaded your boobs like they were his personal stress balls. You could only groan in annoyance at his display of power but threw your head back against the pillows anyways when he teased your nipples between two of his fingers, pinching them until they hardened. If you had to play his little games to get what you wanted, you had to bite the bullet and swallow down your pride at least for a little while, so you just let the little pinpricks of pleasure laced with pain rush over you as he played with your boobs. “That’s a good girl,” Jeno all but purred, pressing a kiss to the valley of your breaths as his hands traveled down your body until one of them slipped between your legs to feel your wetness. “Someone is excited,” he grinned, sitting up on his knees to watch his fingers spreading around your arousal. You could only squirm beneath him, angling your hips up in hopes his fingers would slip into you while you were soaking your shirt with your saliva. “Let’s see if you’re even ready to take my cock.” At least he had the decency to warn you before he fucked two of his fingers inside you, your embarrassingly loud moan muffled against your shirt but still loud enough to paint a smirk on his lips.

“Such a good girl, always ready,” he chuckled, harshly fucking his fingers into you until you couldn’t hold back your moans anymore, glad that you could muffle them in your shirt. “Always so greedy,” Jeno continued, “You want my cock, baby?” Still gagged, you could only nod your head, hoping he wasn’t expecting you to use your words. “Yeah? Want me to fuck you good?” He taunted, expertly curling his fingers to make you see stars. “Because no one else can fuck you like I can?” “Just get inside me for fucks sake,” you groaned after spitting out the drenched shirt, all but riding his fingers at this point. “I like you better when you don’t talk back,” Jeno leaned over you to growl against your lips, his fingers never stilling inside you and making it particularly hard to talk back to him when all you wanted to do was to enjoy the feeling of his precise thrusts. “And I like you better when you have your dick in me,” you grinned back, cupping his straining erection through his briefs to hear him exhale sharply in hopes to get the upper hand back. “Maybe you should suck me off then, kill two birds with one stone,” he spoke, languidly rolling his hips against your palm. “Try not to cum too soon then, I still want you to fuck me after this,” you chuckled tugging him down into a filthy kiss, gently scratching your nails over the muscles of his shoulders and neck how you knew he liked while Jeno tried his best to get rid of his briefs without having to break the kiss.

“Get your mouth on me,” he demanded once he kicked the offending piece of clothing off the mattress, flipping your positions so he was the one laying down. For a moment, you let your eyes rake over his body: Admiring the dibs of his abs and the way his cock was twitching where it leaned heavily against his prominent hip bone. “Condom?” You asked, closing your fist around Jeno’s cock and slowly stroking him to feel the weight in your palm. “Against popular beliefs, I’m not sleeping around. I’m clean, just suck me off already,” he groaned, hips moving to fuck up into your fist. “Not taking any chances,” you frowned, holding Jeno’s heated stare until he ultimately gave up when you started fondling his balls, throwing his head back in a moan and blindly pawing around on the bed to find the condom he had gotten out earlier. In the end, he threw a vanilla-flavored condom in your general direction that you quickly ripped open so you could roll it over this length.

“Don’t cum,” you reminded him as you got comfortable between his strong thighs, stretching out your tongue to slap the head of his cock against the wet muscle. “I might just,” Jeno groaned, lifting himself up onto his elbows to watch you from his half-lidded eyes. “I’ll throw you out right after,” you threatened him, earning yourself a hoarse chuckle that turned into a breathless moan when you finally sucked the head of his cock between your lips, the artificial vanilla flavor taking over your taste buds which was better than the usual rubber of normal condoms but nothing like tasting Jeno’s skin. Slowly, you bobbed your head up and down his length, your tongue pressed tightly to the underside, stroking whatever you couldn’t fit with your hand while the other was still gently rolling his balls in your palm to tear choked up moans from his throat. “Why are you so good at this?” Jeno groaned, finally giving in to the pleasure and throwing his head back against the pillows, one of his hands finding its way into your hair to set the rhythm just how he liked it, not an ounce of care in his body for the tears springing to your eyes and the way you choked on his cock when he pushed you down too quickly. “So pretty with a cock stuffing your mouth,” he moaned, filthily rubbing the head of his cock against the inside of your cheek, making it bulge with it, “Feels almost as good as fucking you properly.” With that, Jeno pulled you off of him so you could cough and heave in a couple of heavy breaths, trying to make your head stop spinning from his nasty praises. “You want me to fu- oh fucking hell,” Jeno cut himself off halfway through his question with a throaty moan when you had sucked one of his very sensitive balls into your mouth, rolling your tongue around it and gently hollowing your cheeks, mischief glistening in your eyes.

“Yeah, I want you to fuck me like you mean it, Jeno,” you heaved against his spit-slicked skin, nuzzling your head against his cock to worship the impressive length you couldn’t wait to finally have inside you, the rubber dripping with your saliva. “I’ll fuck you like the little bitch you are,” he groaned, letting you press kisses along his shaft for a little longer until he was growing impatient as well, roughly pulling you off and up towards him so he could lick the artificial vanilla from your tongue. “Get on our hands and knees for me. Be a good girl,” he whispered against your lips once he broke the kiss. “Are you gonna make me behave?” You giggled, dipping your head down to suck on his pulse, knowing well that he’d get teased by his teammates for the dark hickeys that stood out strikingly against his pale skin. “You’ll get all docile as soon as you’ve got a cock inside you and we both know that,” he chuckled, leaning his head back so you could lick and suck on the prominent veins of his neck, “I don’t even need to try.”

“You’re so full of yourself,” you snickered, not so gently biting down where his neck met his shoulder. “Jealous?” Jeno just laughed hoarsely, rutting his hips up against your stomach to remind you that he indeed was still achingly hard. The joke was so stupid, you couldn’t hold the giggle from spilling past your lips, muffling the sound into his skin even if the shaking of your upper body gave you away anyways. “I hate you. I really do,” you giggled, playfully slapping his chest when his hands were shamelessly roaming your curves while you tried to stifle your laughter. “You don’t,” he whispered, pressing a sweet kiss to your temple. “I don’t,” you admitted, “But you completely killed the mood, you idiot.” “Have some faith in me,” he laughed, playfully slapping your ass before he switched your positions in a heartbeat so you were the one with your head on the pillows. “And now you’ll turn around and so I can fuck you like you deserve,” he growled into your ear, the low sound sending tingles down your spine that you didn’t even think about obeying him until you noticed that your body had already moved on its own, steadying yourself on your hands and knees just how Jeno had asked you to.

“That’s my good girl,” he praised as his hands mapped out the curve of your back all the way to your ass that he grabbed roughly, tearing a surprised moan from you. “Get inside me,” you demanded, arching your back further until you had nothing left to hide. “You want it?” Jeno asked hoarsely, grinding his cock through your wetness. “Fuck me, Jeno,” you sighed. “There you go,” he groaned, burying himself inside your warmth in one smooth thrust, that you felt zip up your entire spine, pleasure setting your nerves on fire. “Fuck, you take me so well,” he cursed, the grip he had on your hips turning bruising as he ground his cock deep inside you, “Like you were made for it. My personal little cocksleeve.” You could only choke on your answer when he chose that exact moment to build up his rhythm, pulling out almost all the way to fuck back into you to make you feel all of his length. And god, did you feel it all the way to your throat, the feeling so good all sounds of pleasure came out garbled and you soon lost the strength in your arms when a particularly harsh thrust hit your sweet spot dead on and you crumbled down to the mattress.

“Is it that good?” Jeno taunted, sounding as breathless as you felt when he stopped his harsh thrusts to instead filthily grind inside you, pushing you down further until your back simply wouldn’t arch anymore and you were sure you could feel him somewhere in your stomach. “God, you’re amazing, fuck,” he cursed, fucking into you with short, harsh movements like he didn’t even want to pull out. “Jen- fuck,” you couldn’t even voice how good he was making you feel with the almost constant pressure against your sweet spot, too busy trying to heave in breaths whenever the lightheaded feeling got too much.

“Get up here so I can hear you,” he heaved before collecting your body off of the mattress so your back was pressed against his chest, one arm wrapped tightly around your body while the other held onto your hip to keep you steady as Jeno picked up his rhythm again. You were barely able to hold back a surprised squeak, your hands flying up to hold onto his straining biceps. “So pliant for me,” he rasped into your ear, nudging against your head until you let it fall back to give him access to your neck. “Such a good girl,” he added, gently sucking on the skin until he had the taste of iron on his tongue. “Jeno,” you whined, pulling out the second syllable. “I’m just evening out the playing field,” he chuckled, referring to the marks littering his neck almost like some bizarre necklace. You couldn’t even be mad at him like you wanted to when the feeling of his lips on your pulse was so addicting it made you arch further for him, greedily chasing after your high.

“So beautiful,” Jeno groaned, shifting his grip on you so he could cup one of your boobs roughly while his other hand slipped between your legs to find your clit. “Fuck,” you cursed, trying to get away from the sudden pressure against your bundle of nerves, the touch too much but exactly what you needed at the same time. But because Jeno knew your body annoyingly well, he simply held you a little tighter so you couldn’t squirm away from the onslaught of pleasure that his fingers brought you. “Always so sensitive,” he commented, the grin obvious even in his strained voice. His thighs must be killing him at this point but you weren’t going to ask him to change positions if it felt so right to be pressed against his chest like this as he pistoned his hips to drive his cock deep inside you, the sound of your bodies slapping together loud in the quiet apartment. “Stop talking and make me cum,” you whined, rocking back against him to meet his thrusts, creating just a little bit of extra force that had you both moan out loudly. “But where’s the fun in that?” He teased, slowing his fingers on your clit down to a maddeningly lazy pace, just enough to have you writhing in pleasure but not enough to get you closer to the edge.

“Jeno please,” you resorted to the one thing that you knew made Jeno go weak and that was begging, “Please make me cum, I wanna cum on your stupid cock so badly.” “Fuck baby,” he cursed, his hips stuttering and losing his precise rhythm. “Please, Jeno,” you whined, twisting your head until you could mouth at his jaw, “Make me cum, please. And then you can use me for your own pleasure. Fuck me like a little ragdoll until you fill me up with your cum.” “You don’t know what you’re doing to me,” Jeno groaned, roughly grabbing you by the chin so he could smash your lips together in a hungry kiss that was more teeth and tongue than anything else but it felt exactly right even when Jeno’s thrusts stopped and his big hands were just aimlessly roaming your body like he hadn’t mapped out every curve and dip time and time again. “On your back,” he sighed against your lips once he broke the kiss, his eyes blown so wide they seemed like bottomless pits of darkness, “I wanna see you when you cum.” “Such a romanticist,” you giggled but complied after pressing another lingering kiss to his swollen lips.

But because you couldn’t not tease Jeno at least a little bit, you shamelessly spread your thighs wide to expose your core to him, fucking two of your own fingers inside. “So empty without your cock,” you sighed, throwing your head back as you slowly moved your fingers to savor the drag. “Seems like you know just how to take care of that problem,” he chuckled, shuffling closer on his knees, loosely stroking his cock. “Doesn’t feel as good as your cock though.” “Nothing will feel as good as my cock,” Jeno promised, gently grabbing your hand by the wrist to bring your fingers to his lips, eagerly curling his tongue around the digits to taste your arousal. The sight shouldn’t be so fucking hot but his eyes were burning into yours and his moans reverberated somewhere deep in his chest. “Get in me now,” you mewled, hooking your legs around his waist to pull him closer.

“I’ll ruin you for every other cock,” with these words, Jeno swiftly fucked back into you, grabbing your legs to throw them over his shoulders. “Please,” you could only answer, screwing your eyes shut tightly when his strong thrusts nailed your sweet spot with the way he held you. “Taking it like a good girl,” he moaned, his fingers digging into your thighs were the only thing that kept you anchored and prevented your mind from flying off to some other place, lulled in a could of deep pleasure that made you lose all your abilities to filter what sounds were coming out of your mouth. “Please,” you whined, somehow registering that you were begging again, for what you didn’t quite know but Jeno seemed to know exactly what you were asking for because he immediately brought his fingers back to your clit to rub it in tight little circles, sending your mind into overdrive as you arched your back for him. “Cum, princess,” he heaved, sweat glistening on his brow and his chest, “Cum whenever you want. Show me how good you are.”

“With you,” you panted, clenching down around his thick cock, “Cum in me, Jen.” “I’ll fill you up good,” he growled, folding you almost in half as he bent down to pant into your neck, “Breed you so well.” “Yes, please,” you mewled, throwing your head back despite knowing that you were using protection, the simple image enough to have your mind running wild with images of his cum seeping out of your core. “Fuck, baby, I-” he stuttered, muffling his groans by biting down on your neck, the pain so pleasureable, you couldn’t keep yourself from cumming even one more second, your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave and leaving you breathless as you stared at your ceiling, sure little firecrackers were going off somewhere over your head. You felt more than you heard Jeno moan against your chest as his hips came to a halt, grinding his cock deep inside you, his muscles flexing beneath your fingers as he came as well.

For a while both of you were just catching your breaths, coming down from your respective highs until Jeno’s calming weight felt more like he was trying to suffocate you under all the muscle his body was built of. “Get off,” you grunted, pinching him in his side to get him to move. “Why can’t I have nice things with you?” he groaned but rolled off of you anyway, carefully holding the end of the condom as he pulled out before tying it off and throwing the rubber into the general direction of your trash can. And of course because his hand to eye coordination was extraordinary, the sound of papers rustling announced he had actually hit his target. “You’re so annoying,” you rolled your eyes when he beamed at you like he had just won the university cup and not hit the trash can with his used condom. “I’d appreciate a little more enthusiasm,” he grinned, letting his body fall back to the mattress right next to yours. Shaking your head, you didn’t deem his excitement worthy of an answer, simply staring at the ceiling of your room and enjoying the quiet between you and Jeno.

“The sex has been better ever since we broke up,” Jeno destroyed the silence engulfing the two of you. “Because you fuck me like you don’t care about me. Like you’re still angry at me,” you sighed. “I do though. Care about you,” he confessed, turning his head so he could look into your eyes if it wasn’t for his too-long bangs obscuring his vision. “Jeno,” you sighed, gently stroking the hair from his eyes, “There was a reason why we broke up.” “Remind me.” “You don’t have time for a relationship and I can’t deal with your stupid groupies hanging off of you every time you step outside your home.” “I never cheated on you,” Jeno stated, his voice stern and gaze piercing, “You know that. No matter what anyone says.” “That’s not the problem, Jeno,” you groaned, looking away from him to wrap your blanket around your naked body, suddenly feeling too exposed beneath his gaze, “I am not having this conversation again. Grab your clothes.”

“Not even letting me shower? That’s cruel even for you.” “You hate my shower,” you shot back only to find him smiling, propped up onto one of his elbows. “Join me,” he asked. “Jeno,” you sighed again, pulling out the last syllable of his name, “This thing between us hasn’t worked out the first time. Why should it work now?” “It’s good enough that we keep coming back to each other,” he argued, reaching out to intertwine your fingers so he could bring your hand up to his lips, pressing a tender kiss to the skin, “I’ll do it right this time, make time for you in my schedule even if it’s just to bring you coffee to the library or to walk you to your morning class.” “Jeno…” “I know I can do better. Try harder to show you how much I like you,” he promised. “That’s not,” you groaned, ripping your hand free to bury your face in them, “That’s not going to fix this. To fix us. There are two people involved in a relationship. But everyone is always up in your business and I can’t deal with that. I can’t keep seeing these girls pressing their tits in your face and asking you to sign their asses when you’re supposed to be mine.” “But I want to date you. And I know you like me past my body and my talent. You like my boring jokes and my pancakes.” “You’re not boring,” you interrupted Jeno who immediately shushed you. “You like me for always stopping to pet stray kittens even if it means running late, you like me for my Redbull induced quadruple texting at midnight, you like my terrible attempts at singing along to your favorite songs in the car. You like me for who I am past my body. You like me for me. And that’s why you’re different from all the others and it’s why I like you so much as well. You care about me and it makes me want to care for you tenfold.”

Moved by his words, you stayed quiet, just staring into his eyes. “Say something,” he begged after a while. “You rehearsed that, didn’t you?” You grinned, earning yourself a hit to the shoulder before Jeno rolled on top of you, pinning you to the mattress with his full weight. “I give you a whole speech and this is your reaction?” He whined as you laughed loud and unashamed, carding your hands through his matted hair.

“I really want to try again,” he mumbled into your skin, drawing random shapes with the tip of his forefinger, “We can work on our communication. I like you too much to just let you go without a fight. I think I could fall in love with you.” That of all things made your heart skip a beat or two before it started beating twice as fast. “I think I could too,” you whispered, revealing the whole reason why you had broken it off with him in a fight. To protect your fragile heart from possible pain in the future. “Please let us try again,” Jeno whispered back, “We’ll do it right this time. With cheesy cinema dates and walks in the park, sharing some ice cream late at night.” “I’m scared,” you confessed, gently scratching Jeno’s scalp to calm your own nerves. “If we communicate well, we’ll get through all the hardships on the way. And I’m sure I can make you happy,” he promised. “I don’t want to be your second priority again.” “You won’t,” he was quick to reply, “I can’t promise I’ll never disappoint you but I will work my hardest to put us first and baseball and everything else second.” Leaning up on his elbows, Jeno found your eyes filled with unshed tears. “I really want this to work, I like you so much,” he smiled tenderly, “And I was an idiot to only realize that after I let you walk away and didn’t reassure you when you opened up about your insecurities.” “I’m to blame as well,” you swallowed down the lump in your throat as you gently cupped his cheek, “You’re the most loyal person I know, there was no need to be so insecure when you were nothing but honest to me.”

Jaehyun was 12 when he first saw various Cyberpunk movies and decided that he wanted to take computer science for college. Coming from a long line of family doctors, he knew it was impossible. To be a doctor was like the golden rule in their family.

Jaehyun was 17 when he gathered the strength to tell his father that he wanted to take a different degree in college. He remembers that night so clearly; his father said a lot of inappropriate and hurtful words to him. “Computers won’t give you money, Yuno.” His father said before leaving to play golf with his friends. He locked himself inside his room until his mom came in and comforted him.

Jaehyun was 19 when he left their house confident and determined to study a different degree. After a long year of convincing his father, he was one of the thousands of lucky students who got accepted to Korea University. He passed the responsibility of studying Medicine to his younger brother, Sungchan. He and his father were on good terms by that time; accepting defeat that one of his sons wouldn’t be a doctor.

The same age when he met you. He spilled coffee on your white shirt during lunch, the day of Freshmen Orientation. In exchange, he returned to his dorm, which was way closer in the cafeteria and grabbed a shirt for you.

The same age where Jaehyun asked you to be his girlfriend.

Jaehyun was 20 when he told you he wanted to meet your family. You were already dating for seven months at the time, and you had met his side of the family. You were shocked but you agreed to his wishes. When the university gave you a week break, you decided to take him to your house.

“Wait, are you really sure you want to meet them?” You asked, buckling your seatbelt and faced him. Jaehyun nodded his head and started the engine of his car. “Are you a hundred percent sure?”

“Of course, I am.”

“Well then, suit yourself.”

Jaehyun remembered driving to one of the affluent gated communities with strict security in Seoul. Seven months together, and Jaehyun only realized that you were rich, not the nouveau riche, but old money rich. You never told him about that, and he assumed that your family was living a comfortable lifestyle. His eyes widened when you told him to stop in front of, probably the biggest mansion he’s ever seen in his life.

“Y-you live here?” He asked, his eyes not leaving the house. “This is your house?”

“Mhm, well, technically it’s my grandparents’ house. They wanted us to live with them because some of my relatives already left the country.” You answered, giggling when he mouthed ‘who are you?’, “Okay, before we head inside, please don’t be intimidated by my brothers. They’re nice but they like to scare guys that I’m dating since I’m the youngest and the only girl of our family.”

Jaehyun remembered how nervous he was when he met the eyes of the five men; your grandfather, father, and your three brothers were looking at him as if he was a criminal and had committed a great felony. He only felt comfortable and grateful when your grandmother tried to lighten up the mood, unfortunately, your mom was out of the country when you brought him home.

Jaehyun was 24 when he had asked you to marry him on your fourth anniversary during a vacation in Kota Kinabalu. He remembered meeting your parents to ask for your hand in marriage, a few months prior to the vacation. He proposed when the two of you were watching the sunrise together at six in the morning. That sunrise gave you a new memory and a chance to spend your lifetime with the love of your life.

At 25, he stood next to you in front of the altar. In front of your family and friends. Promising you the life you deserve, promising you that it will always be you, until the end of time.

At 28, Jaehyun sold one of his software to a well-known business mogul. You were out of the country for a business trip with your mom that time, and he had no one to celebrate it with. Jaehyun spent nine years without a touch of another woman and having someone next to him on his biggest achievement felt… good.

And now at 29, Jaehyun was holding the manila envelope that holds the divorce papers you’ve sent him a month after you left home. Not only did he lose you, but as well as your little angel. The baby you’ve been wanting for so long.

One drunk mistake led to a lifetime of regret.

Jaehyun was mad; so mad that he did not bother to take out the documents you send. His hands immediately crumpled the papers. He went back inside; his hands clutching on his phone and dialed your number. After a few voicemails, you finally picked up. Your end was silent, all he could hear was the rustling sound coming from your sheets.

“Y/N, what the fuck? What kind of stunt do you think you’re pulling?” Jaehyun asked furiously, “Divorce? Y/N, have you gone insane?”

“Jaehyun, I think the reason is laid out very clearly. There is no point of us continuing our marriage-”

He scoffs, “No point? Y/N, this is just a phase. We can work this out. Come home and let’s talk about this, please.”

The audacity. You thought, you were holding back the urge to yell at him. A phase? What kind of stupid phase is this? What on earth is this kind of phase? “I’m sorry, Jaehyun. My decision is final. Sign the divorce papers and meet me in court two days from now.” You said, ending the call.

Agitated, Jaehyun threw his phone across the living room. The screen was smashed and obviously cannot be used again. Ten years, he ruined the perfect ten years you two shared.

Jaehyun groaned as he threw the duvet off his body again, hours have passed since you have sent him the divorce papers and he has calmed down for a bit. Someone was ringing the doorbell again. Despite not wanting to leave the comfort of your once shared bedroom, he went out to check whoever’s at the door. He wishes it to be you, but hell, the universe had sent him the last person he wants to see right now. The woman behind his failing marriage, Claire Park.

Claire was no stranger to him. They’ve been friends since high school, best friends to be exact until she left Seoul to study in a different country for college. They reunited when Claire applied to be his part-time assistant after his original assistant, Hanbyul, filed maternity leave for three months after giving birth.

“W-what are you doing here? How did you know where I live?” He asked but got a kiss as a response. Jaehyun immediately pushed her away. “What the fuck, Claire?!”

“I heard about what happened- Jaehyun, we can be out in public without fear.”

“No, we can’t and we won’t. Claire, we have to stop this.”

Claire stared at him with a shocked expression. Stop? Now that he’s about to be a divorcee? She thought, poking her tongue on her cheek as she thought of something to change his mind.

“Yuno, we’ve been in this secret relationship for 10 months now. You want to give that up?” Yuno. It felt so wrong to hear her call him that. 10 months was nothing compared to what he’s about to lose – 10 years with you. “Answer me!”

“Claire, this is so wrong. I don’t want to continue whatever we had; I have to win Y/N back.”

He closed the door behind him, tears were threatening to fall as he sat down by the door. How will he win you back- no, will he ever get you back? After a month of not seeing you, will he still have a chance? Even if he tried so many times to visit you at your grandparents’ house, he even spent nights in his car in hopes to get a glimpse of you. Why do I always fuck up? He thought, grabbing the landline to dial his best friend’s number. He needed alcohol, and he knew the perfect person to talk about this mess.

“I just don’t get it bro, you cheated on Y/N- for months, and you want her back? That’s messed up.” His best friend, Johnny said, downing a shot of tequila. “You’re my best friend and all, but I-”

“Johnny, Y/N is the only girl I have loved since I was nineteen. I- I don’t think I can live without her. Do you really think I can’t win her back?”

“It’s not that, Jaehyun. You told me that she’s the only one you love and yet you cheated on her, and you want to win her back. I don’t think it’s that easy, bro. I know Y/N, she’s like a sister to me and I know she wouldn’t give in that easily.”

“She’s my wife, trust me. I know how to get her back.” He said, downing another shot then stood up to party.

“By doing what? Partying?” Johnny sighs.

Your leg was bouncing, and your heels made a continuous clicking sound, you were restless. Only thirty minutes until your first court hearing, you’ve been trying to contact Jaehyun yet no response was heard from the other end. You were starting to think that he was doing this on purpose. Hell, I’m going to regret this. You thought, dialing Johnny’s number. It took a while before he answered but thank god he did.

“Y/N, I was just about to call you.” Johnny greets as soon as the call got connected. “Jaehyun-”

“Do you know where Jaehyun is? I’ve been trying to call him, but his phone is not reachable.”

Johnny sighs at the other end, “Well, I know where he is. He’s with me here at the hospital.”

Out of all days, why today? As you drove to the hospital Johnny had mentioned, you were thinking. The divorce papers you sent him did not find their way back to you, he probably did not sign it. Not probably, but possibly. Jeong Jaehyun is the man you loved for years; you know him like the back of your hand. Jeong Jaehyun has always been stubborn. As soon as you arrived at the hospital, you went to the room Johnny mentioned, almost tripping over by how fast you were walking, forgetting that you were in big shoes.

You were greeted by your husband who was peacefully sleeping and a smiling Johnny. Your eyebrows furrowed: Jesus, he looked fucked. You thought, closing the door behind you as you catch your breath. “What happened?”

“He asked me to grab drinks with him the other day. When I got back from the loo, he was already fighting someone, then he passed out – alcohol poisoning as what the doctor said. He woke up a few hours ago, he’s just resting.” Johnny said.

Jaehyun had a small bruise and a cut on his cheek, you shook your head. “Unbelievable,” you sigh, “He knew today was supposed to be our first court hearing.”

“I’m sure you can reschedule it. He can go home once we get the doctor’s approval.” He told you, “Are you sure you’re pushing through this divorce?”

And that’s when it hit you. Are you a hundred percent sure you wanted this? Aren’t you rushing things a little bit too fast? What if divorcing Jaehyun leads to one of your biggest downfalls in life? There were a lot of questions that ran through your head, and it was messing you up. For ten years, all you ever did was support Jaehyun. Build dreams with Jaehyun. Plan every single second of your life with Jaehyun. But in those ten years, you never had time to think about yourself. You never had a single second to plan your life on your own. You never built dreams on your own. The past ten years, it was always the two of you and never had a chance to be you.

Until last month. You did things by yourself, not thinking about him. You enjoyed the little things that you can do on your own, and maybe that is the reason why you wanted to push through this divorce.

“Why can’t I contact him? Did he block me?” You asked, changing the topic immediately.

“He smashed his phone when he received the divorce papers from you,” He answered, “He doesn’t want to do this, Y/N.”

You saw Jaehyun open his eyes and move his hand, he was conscious again and the meds given to him were finally working. You had asked Johnny to leave the two of you alone inside the room. It felt like déjà vu; just like when you miscarried your baby a month ago. The silence was deafening.

“Y/N, I’m sorry-”

“You’re so inconsiderate and irresponsible, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun scoffs, “Me, inconsiderate? What do you call yourself then?” He fought back, “You sent me those divorce papers, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself to you.”

“You had a chance to explain that night, but you didn’t. You left, remember?”

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into a year. It’s been exactly a year since Jaehyun last saw you personally. He tried contacting you, but all his messages were left unread, and his calls were sent to voicemails. The only thing that has kept him updated with your life was on the news and different social media platforms. He knew you weren’t staying in Korea, based on what he sees on your Instagram page, you’ve been staying somewhere in Europe for the past year.

Jaehyun once met your brother, Harry, while he was presenting a new work at the soiree that the city mayor held. When he was asked by your brother what had gotten into his mind, he was embarrassed to answer. He was with you for a decade, he went without a touch of another woman, it was you and has always been you since he was nineteen. While talking, Harry was calm. He wasn’t mad but he wasn’t happy either with Jaehyun’s answer. Harry did not disclose where you were staying exactly in Europe.

He still lives in the townhouse; everything was still the same there. The huge portrait by the lounge chair stood still inside the bedroom. The picture of you graduating university, the picture of your engagement, and other pictures of you two travelling the world together were all still hanging on the wall. The only difference was, Jaehyun was alone. At first it was hard for him, he was expecting that you’d come home and fix your marriage but as the days passed by, he slowly accepted the truth. He’s still determined to win you back though, he never stopped loving you and he’s not intending to.

Aside from noticing that Allure has been vastly growing and making a name internationally, he noticed how much you’ve changed since he last saw you. The makeup and fashion style, everything felt different whenever he saw you on the internet. You used to love wearing white and neutral colors, but now you’re wearing too much dark clothes.

It’s been a year since you filed for a divorce. You couldn’t process everything, you can’t even attend court hearings due to your busy schedules but despite being busy, you never stopped sending him numerous copies of the documents with your signature, but they never found their way back to you. Instead, they always ended up ripped, crumpled and in the trash. You were sick of his sick game and the more you keep everything on hold, the more money you lose; the moment you arrived in Korea from Europe, you instructed your driver, Jeno, to drive you to Zetta Tech’s headquarters.

As you entered the building, you felt various people eyeing you and started whispering. The sound of your expensive heels made people distance themselves from you, some even bowed their heads to give respect to the CEO’s wife. It wasn’t new, you were used to it.

“Jeno, go ahead and wait for me in the car.” You say, standing in front of the information desk. Jeno nods his head and walks away, “I’m here for Mr. Jeong.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I was told not to receive any visitors… it is obvious that you need to file an appointment to meet him.” The girl behind the desk says, she’s probably new her and has no idea who you were. In the corner of your eye, you saw another girl panic and ran next to her.

“M-Mrs. Jeong, good afternoon! I heard you are here for Mr. Jeong; do you need assistance on the 23rd floor or do you want me to buzz him to inform him that you’re here?”

You shook your head, keeping a stoic face as you walked to the elevator. When the elevator opened its door on the 23rd floor, you are greeted by the huge white sign that illuminates the name of his company. His secretary greets you with a shocked expression on her face but was fully aware of the purpose of your visit. She leads you to your husband’s office, and as you walk towards the door, you become nervous.

She knocked three times before opening the door, revealing Jaehyun in front of his computer. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he wasn’t wearing a tie. It appears he was having a hard time writing documents – it wasn’t his forte, just like tying his tie. He looked handsome as ever. You’re not here to swoon over him, Y/N. You told yourself.

“Mr. Jeong, you have a visitor.”

“Hanbyul, I told you. No visitors.” Jaehyun sighed, his fingers pinching the skin in between his eyebrows as he heard the door close. He reminded his secretary not to accept any visitors as he was finishing the documents for the buyer of his software.

“No visitors, unless it’s me?”

That voice. He hasn’t heard that voice in a year. Jaehyun stopped typing and looked up. You were standing by his door with a brown envelope on your hand along with your bag, smiling like nothing was wrong, like you never left for a year. You looked beautiful whenever he sees you on the internet, but you look breathtaking now that he’s seeing you in person. Jaehyun instructs Hanbyul to leave the two of you alone, and as soon as she shut the door, he stood up.

“So, you finally decided to show up,” he said, pushing his dress sleeves over his elbows. “What brings you here in Zetta?”

“I’m here to ask you to sign the divorce papers I’ve been sending you for the past year. They never found their way back to me.”

Jaehyun scoffs, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass. “I’ve tried to call you a bunch of times, convinced you not to push through the divorce. Y/N, I’ve changed. Claire isn’t even part of my life anymore.” He said, taking a sip. “We can always work this out- we always did, right?”

“That was when we were younger.” You replied, “We’re adults now. Act like one and sign the divorce papers.”

You stood in front of his glass table, placing the brown envelope on top of his other printed documents and gave him a sly smile. He poked his tongue on his cheek, he knew you wouldn’t give in that easy which makes this much harder for him, but he wouldn’t give that easily. Think, Jaehyun. Think. “How about we go out for dinner and talk about it, hm? I’ll take you to a nice Michelin restaurant tonight.”

“I don’t think that’s possible. I’m a very busy woman.” You reject his offer, “I’m leaving the documents here for you to sign. Do not try to throw or rip this one. I’ll see you at Mark’s wedding.”

You turned your heels around and left his office, leaving Jaehyun confused behind. Will he sign the papers this time or will he continue being stubborn? How desperate are you to get out of this marriage?

“Y/N, it’s so nice to see you! I’ve missed you!” Mina, one of your closest friends from college and Mark’s bride greets you. She welcomed you with open arms, “So, I know how jetlagged you are from your flight from Korea to Manila and well, here to Pamalican Island, but I have some bad news.”

“Wow, this is the first time you’ve seen me in almost a year and the first thing you tell me is bad news?” You teased, “Shoot.”

She took a deep breath, taking your hands to hold, “Apparently, our wedding coordinator made a mistake with the beach casitas. Don’t worry, you have your own but… you’re going to share it with Jaehyun.”

Well, shit. You thought, staring at the younger girl with her eyes tightly shut – a sign of fear that you’d get mad at her. You are going to share with Jaehyun for three days, three days. The downside of that is, you haven’t been with him for a year. How would you act? How does a soon-to-be-divorcee supposed to act in a situation like this? It’s going to be awkward, you’re sure of it. On the bright side, this could be a great steppingstone for you to convince him to sign the papers.

You smiled, “It’s alright, you don’t have to stress yourself about it. I’m sure everything will be okay.”

You know the feeling of getting stressed before your wedding, you didn’t want Mina to worry about a small thing. Besides, it was just a room. You were sure you can handle sharing it with Jaehyun for three days.

A bunch of loud, familiar voices were heard from afar. The groom’s laugh was dominating the crowd. It seems like his friends have arrived as well. You turned your heels around and saw your husband, his hair was slicked up and was wearing casual clothing – shorts, a white shirt and an opened plaid shirt paired with some Jordans. You bid your goodbye to the bride, walked towards Jaehyun’s direction and leaned over his ear.

“It’s nice to see you again, roomie.” You said then walked away.

The boys started to tease Jaehyun as he stood there frozen. It took him a few seconds before he could fully register what you said. He knew you were attending Mark’s wedding, but he wasn’t expecting to share a room with you. Mark had never mentioned it to him.

“Dude, you’re sharing the same casita with Y/N.” Johnny said, smacking his head lightly as he laughed, “Oh this is going to be so fun; I hope these old lovers find the spark back to their marriage.”

Jaehyun didn’t see you all day. He was told you were spending the day with Mina and the other bridesmaids at the spa. When he arrived at the casita, all your stuff were neatly placed on one side with a note on top of your baggage that says, ‘try to touch my stuff, you’ll sleep at the hammock outside.’ It said, Jaehyun chuckles. The he noticed another note on the couch, ‘there is no way we’re sleeping on the same bed. You’re going to sleep on the couch.’ It seems like you’re still his Y/N after all, the same Y/N who gets mad whenever someone messes up with her belongings.

It was past 2 a.m. when you arrived in the casita. Jaehyun was on the bed watching something on his phone, he came back a few minutes before you from Mark’s bachelor party. You were holding your sandals and the straps of your sundress fell on your arms, it seemed like you were drunk. You were bumping to some cabinets. You met his eyes, you gave him your biggest smile and giggled.

“Ooh! Who is this handsome stranger on my bed? Did Colene sent you because I told her I was sex deprived?” You said, dropping your sandals on the floor and jumped on the bed. “Holy shit, you smell good. You smell like the cologne of my husband that I liked the most… the- the Tom Ford one.”

Jaehyun knew you couldn’t handle hard liquor, the only alcohol your system could take nicely was wine. He could smell the strong aroma of vodka and tequila. “You reek of alcohol, let me run you a bath-”

He didn’t finish his sentence; you hovered over him and sealed his lips with a kiss. If you put it into words, your kiss meant two whings: lust and longing. Jaehyun was taken aback by the sudden kiss, he didn’t respond back. Instead, he pushed you away gently.

“Y/N, you’re drunk- you’re not in the right mind to do this with me.” He said, “I don’t want to take advantage of you, especially if you’re in this state.”

“I was never in the right mind, stranger. I wasn’t on the right mind when I filed for a divorce. I wasn’t on the right mind when I flew to Europe. I- fuck,” You didn’t finish your sentence anymore, you claimed Jaehyun lips again. “I was never in the right mind, so Jaehyun, please… I- I’m giving you my consent.”

“Y/N, no, you’re drunk-”

You interrupt him with a chuckle, “I hope you were thinking the same when you were sleeping and fucking Claire. She was drunk too, right- umph!”

If anything, Jaehyun no longer wants to be associated with Claire anymore. He doesn’t want to hear her name, and most importantly, he doesn’t want to hear her name slip out of your mouth. Jaehyun connected your lips with his, his hand effortlessly unzipping your dress from the back, slipping it off your body, leaving you with nothing but your panties. Both of your tongues were fighting for dominance as you feel his semi-hard cock on your clothed pussy. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system but fuck, you went a year without him and his touch. You were desperate to have sex again.

Jaehyun pulls away from you, his lips find your sweet spot on your neck – it was your weakest point. He sucks on the skin until a love mark appeared. His hand was travelling all over your body, the other was holding your ass to keep you still and other was massaging your breasts. The tip of his finger ran over your nipple, sending shivers on your body.

“Don’t ever mention here again, please.” He mutters on your skin before pressing a soft kiss on the mark. “A-are you sure you want this?”

“I am, I’m a hundred percent sure I want this. I want you.” You replied before kissing him again.

Jaehyun pressed your body against his, his lips focused on yours while your fingers make the work unbuttoning his polo. Your hips circled on Jaehyun’s hard cock, earning a groan from him as he felt the sensation. “Let me take the lead, let me show you how much I missed you.” He spoke.

You nodded your head and moved your body on the bed, letting your head fall on the soft pillows. Jaehyun placed trails of kisses, from your neck to the mounds of your breasts, to your stomach. His hot breath on your skin makes you more aroused, whining out of frustration because he’s taking things slow. He was taking his time to make love to you.

“Jaehyun, can’t you just fuck me already?” You whined, propping your arms to see what he was doing. Jaehyun smirks between your legs, planting another kiss on your inner leg before pushing your panties aside. You let out a moan when you finally felt his tongue on your pussy, his saliva and your wetness becoming one. Your back arches on pleasure, hands gripping on the sheets while Jaehyun had his arms wrapped on your legs to keep you in place. “Fuck,”

You were writhing when Jaehyun hummed against your clit. Your fingers twirl his locks as you moan. Just when you were about to release, Jaehyun pulled away from your, discarding his unbuttoned shirt along with his shorts and boxers. His angry cock sprung free. He spits on his palm, pumping it for a few seconds.

“Jaehyun, could you just please-”

“Shh, I’m taking it slow because I don’t want to hurt you. I want to savor the moment.”

Jaehyun runs his cock between your wet folds before slowly pushing it in. He intertwined his hand with yours, holding it tightly as if he feared letting go. Both of you moaned in sync, his cock was stretching you out. Since this was your first time after a year, you couldn’t help but shed a tear. He noticed it immediately and planted a kiss on your cheek before whispering: “I’m sorry, I’ll be gentle.”

His hips were slowly moving, hitting all the perfect places. Jaehyun latched his lips on your nipple, nibbling on them like a starving baby. Your other hand pulled his locks as you moaned, he really knew you like the back of his hand. He knew your weaknesses and he knew you to please you.

“Let me ride you,” You murmur, “Please.”

He nods his head and pulls out of you, he sat on the bed, his back resting against the headboard and lets you hover on top of him. Slowly, you let him enter you again. Circling your hips as your hands rest on his bare shoulders, holding onto them as if your life depends on it. Your head falls back due to pleasure, and he took that opportunity to pepper your neck with open-mouth kisses. His other hand held you for support, the other found their way on your clit, rubbing them to put you in another level of pleasure.

“Cum inside of me, Jae.”

“I-I don’t want to; I might get you pregnant.”

“I’m on the pill. I’ve been taking it again. Please, I just want to- fuck!” You breathed, “I’m close, baby. I-I’m so c-close.”

Jaehyun took the lead again, rolling over so that you were under him. His hips were moving too fast, it was too much pleasure for you to take. Thank god the casitas were distanced from each other, if not, other guests would have complained about the sex noises that the two of you were making.

“I’m cumming.” He moaned

“Fuck.”

Jaehyun collapses on top of you, your skin and sweat colliding as you catch your breaths. It took him a few seconds before he pulled out, his white load seeping out of your hole. You were too drunk and tired, you drifted off to dreamland. Jaehyun stood up and grabbed the nearest towel, running it over warm water before wiping you clean. Though you left a note that reminded him not to touch your belongings, Jaehyun opened your suitcase and grabbed clean underwear and pajamas for you.

“Jaehyun?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

The following day, you avoided Jaehyun again.

You realized you were the one who initiated having sex and you were too honest last night. You thank the gods when you woke up along inside the casita. If you woke up with Jaehyun present, you would’ve run away. According to Jaehyun’s note attached on your forehead, he was with the boys. They planned to spend the whole day doing water activities and random things men do before they get married. You cringed a little when you read the ending of his note that said: ‘Don’t miss me too much.’

Jaehyun had the biggest smile on his face throughout the day. The boys found him weird and creepy. During the rehearsal dinner, you had to stick next to Jaehyun. Mark’s parents always loved the two of you as you treated their son like your sibling back in college. It was still awkward; at least for you it is. Jaehyun was treating you like his wife, his hand resting on your waist, smiling like nothing was wrong. Like the two of you weren’t undergoing a divorce.

You were so happy for Mina and Mark. The two started dating on their third year of college, you and Jaehyun were graduating students back then. In fact, the two of you set them up together. You just thought Mark would be a perfect fit for Mina, and now they’re getting married.

Mark’s mom tried to convince you and Jaehyun to join the dance floor, but you rejected her offer by saying you had blisters on your feet because you were wearing brand new shoes. She nodded her head and told the two of you; “I hope Mark and Mina will have the same happy marriage as the two of you.” Which made the atmosphere much, much heavier than it already was.

After the party, you found yourself at the beach at two in the morning. It was only a walking distance from your casita. You left Jaehyun inside the room sound asleep on the small sofa. You love the sound of the waves crashing against each other, it calms you down. Listening to them made you forget about your chaotic life, at least for the short amount of time.

“Hey, why are you up?”

You turned around and saw Jaehyun rubbing his drowsiness away then sat on the sand next to you.

“I couldn’t sleep, had a lot of things to think about.” You answered, diverting your attending back to the calm sea. “Why are you up?”

“Well, first, I couldn’t fit on the sofa. Second, I noticed you weren’t on the bed.”

You laughed at his response. It was so obvious that his tall figure wouldn’t fit on that sofa, the size of it was only half of his height. You turned your attention to the sky, the calm waves, the light coming from the moon and the warm summer breeze hitting on your skin sent shivers down your spine. It was the perfect weather in Pamalican Island.

“It feels kind of weird to think that Mark is getting married.” You said, “Do you remember the time when you and Johnny pranked him? Like, when you asked if he was spiderman because you found a spiderman mask on his study table.”

Jaehyun laughs at the memory of his old roommate. “Yeah, Johnny and I had a lot of fun pranking that boy. Now he’s one of the leading engineers at his job.”

“Can’t believe it.” You giggle, “That clumsy genius has a lot of tech companies running after him.”

The two of you spent your time reminiscing about the memories you made in college. Like the time where Jaehyun got so drunk, he thought Mark had jumped off their balcony at midnight – he cried telling that story, but Mark was just standing behind you. Beer pongs and game nights spent with his and your friends inside their dorm. Cooking and spending the American thanksgiving with Johnny and the whole group because he couldn’t go back to America. Random road trips and beach trips with them.

One night isn’t enough to talk about all the memories you shared.

“Can I ask you something?” He broke the silence; you nodded your head. “When… when did you realize you wanted to end our marriage? I know what I did was wrong but, we could’ve saved it, you know?”

“You wouldn’t want to hear me answer that question.”

“I do, we’ve been separated for a year. I think I can handle it.”

“Well,” You paused, “It was the night we fought after the Fall-Winter fashion show. I saw a stranger I knew very well. It was the first time I looked into your eyes and didn’t see the future; all I saw was the past. That’s when I realized… it was over for us.”

You feel your eyes burn, your tears threatening to fall. You play with the hem of your pajama shirt to distract yourself. “When I had a miscarriage, I was alone at home. I was alone during the procedure. At that moment, I knew you weren’t the same person I fell in love with. Almost everything broke me that day.” You sobbed, “That is why I kept asking you to sign the divorce papers because I know for a fact that what we had was already broken. We could’ve saved out marriage, sure, but I don’t think it’ll be worth saving. Seeing you alone reminds me of the pain I’ve been through.”

Jaehyun sat there with his mouth agape, he was speechless. “I-”

“Oh, look at the time.” You interrupt, showing him the clock on your phone that says 2:34 am, “We have a wedding to attend later, I’ll go ahead. Good night, Jaehyun.”

You cried yourself to sleep that night. Jaehyun never came back inside the shared casita. When you were about to prepare for the wedding, you saw him fast asleep on the hammock outside. He was hugging his leg and seemed like his body was cold. You felt a little guilty that you brought the blanket he was using and covered him up. You also left a note in his suitcase, saying that you were at Mina’s casita to prepare for the wedding. You felt bad that you were brutally honest with him last night, but those were the words you were dying to tell him.

It was easy to avoid Jaehyun during the wedding ceremony. He was seated on the opposite side with the boys, and you were seated with the girls. You were focused on the couple, even shed a tear during the vows because Mark had made a special song for his bride as his vow. It was so amazing to see your friends get married. That’s the feeling you missed – the feeling of being in love, the feeling of assurance, the feeling of being together through ups and downs.

During the reception, Jaehyun disappeared after giving his speech and appeared again after a few minutes. He asked you to dance with him, which you agreed to. It was only one dance, it wouldn’t hurt. All of a sudden, Jaehyun felt like home again. He was keeping you close to him as you danced to the slow music. He kept a stoic face; you could tell that he was hurting like you were, but the man was afraid to show any emotions to other people. The two of you let go of each other when the host announced the final dance for the newlyweds.

Three days flew by so fast. You offered Jaehyun to sleep on the other side of the bed, keeping a pillow in between the two of you. You didn’t mind it anymore. You took the first flight from Pamalican Island back to Manila. You were in a rush to return to Korea because you needed to prepare for the upcoming fashion week once again. On the flight back, you were panicking and thought that you had left your phone on the island – you didn’t, but you noticed a brown envelope inside your back. The last time you saw this was when you visited Jaehyun at his office.

I already signed it. I guess I’ll be seeing you in court. His note said. Maybe Jaehyun signed the documents when he disappeared last night and placed it inside your bag. Finally, after a year. You are one step closer to ending this marriage.

“Finally.”

Eight weeks have passed since he finally signed the divorce papers.

You and he would meet from time to time at the court, and tomorrow would be the last time he’s meeting you. The two of you agreed to sell the townhouse to a younger couple who wouldn’t keep possession of the place for a few months, though it took him awhile to agree with you, eventually, he said yes. It was much faster than his incessant refusal to sign the papers before. He couldn’t decipher what he was feeling, angry? Sad? Depressed? No words could explain the feeling he was having.

You? Your plan was to move abroad. Staying in Korea would only remind you of your failed marriage. Besides, Allure is now an international brand. Branching out abroad meant a lot of opportunities for you as the CEO. Though you were relieved when you finally had the divorce papers with his signature, there was a part of you that felt… broken.

You have loved that man for ten years.

You built memories and plans for the future with that man, and now that the two of you are finalizing the end of your marriage, it felt like you were losing a part of you. It was the end of an era for the two for you.

But all things, good or bad, should come to an end, right?

Jaehyun took another sip of his whiskey, groaning loudly as he felt the sting on his throat. His last day as a married man, and he’s spending it with his father in a known pub. Drinking as if it was his last day on earth.

“Son, I loved Y/N. She was a really nice, down to earth girl.” His father said, “Honestly, it wasn’t a shock to me when you told us you were proposing to her. I saw how you looked at her when you were young. Like she was the only girl in the world.”

Jaehyun smiles as he recalls the memory of his whole family meeting you and when he announced that he was planning on proposing to her. Oh, so sweet and filled with love. Where did that all go?

“I must tell you; I was really disappointed when I heard that you cheated on her and… you lost your baby. I’m not proud nor happy of what you did, but I hope you know that I’m proud of what you have achieved when you were with her.”

“I-I’m sorry, dad.”

“Do you know what the saddest part of life is, Yuno?” his father asked, “It’s saying goodbye to the person you have always thought you’d spend your whole life with.”

Jaehyun shook his head when he felt his eyes burn. He was about to cry but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to show that side of him in front of his old man. A few more shots of whiskey and Jaehyun was left alone inside the pub. His father had to leave early because he had a scheduled operation the next morning. One drink turned to four, four to six, and eventually, he found himself driving home under the influence. His vision was blurry, his voice was muffled but he managed to command Siri to dial your number.

It was two in the morning and seven missed calls later, you answered.

“Jaehyun, what is it? It’s two am.”

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you but… I miss you and I don’t want to be alone at home, at our home. I just-” he sobbed, “I just want to be with you even for the last time, Y/N… I fucked up; I know.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I suppose I am.”

You sighed, “I’ll track your location. Please don’t move, okay? I’ll be there.”

Jaehyun bawled inside his car when he heard the call end. How could he let this happen? How dare he hurt an amazing, humble woman? Every time he looked at the rearview mirror, he wanted to hurt himself. He did not deserve you, he does not deserve to touch you, to call you, or even talk to you. Jaehyun has made a lot of mistakes in his life, but this was the biggest mistake he did. His biggest regret.

A knock on the window woke him up. It was you; your eyes were soft and worried as you asked him to open the door for you.

“Move to the other side, I-I’ll drive us home.” You said as soon as you opened the car door, he nodded his head and tried his best to move to the other side of the car without hurting himself.

“I’m sorry if I took too long. I had to pack my clothes for tomorrow and had to ask one of dad’s drivers to drive me here.” You broke the silence, starting the engine of his car. “If you need me, I’ll be at the guest bedroom, okay? I’ll help you empty your stomach and wash your face when we get home.”

The sound of your voice calms Jaehyun. At least for a brief amount of time, Jaehyun felt like he wasn’t alone. When the two of you arrived at your old home, you had to guide Jaehyun inside. His head was spinning and almost fell to the ground when he tried to get out of the car. You did the same routine you were doing back when you were in college, helped him vomit the liquor he consumed, helped him wash his face and change his clothes. When you were helping him get to bed, Jaehyun grabbed your wrist, causing you to let out a gasp.

“C-can you sleep with me? Not sexually but… just sleep next to me.” He pleads, “At least for one last time, Y/N.”

“Okay.”

You woke up before Jaehyun, a little over 7 a.m.

While he was still sleeping, you took your time to roam around the old townhouse. You haven’t been here since last year and you did notice how much it changed. It seems like Jaehyun was staying over at his office more than he was at home, you could tell that by running your finger along the leather couch and gathered dust on the tip of your finger.

The fridge was almost empty. He stored a few fruits, energy drinks and water. Along the countertops, he had ramen, some bread and coffee. Sighing, you had no other options to prepare but toast. You noticed Jaehyun’s presence, you gave him a smile. The two of you ate breakfast together, he even offered to do the dishes because that was your routine when you were still together.

Time flies so fast whenever Jaehyun is with you. One minute, he was enjoying breakfast and laughing with you, the next he was standing in front of the courthouse, minutes after the judge declared the end of your marriage.

He was so lost.

“Jaehyun, before you go…” You called, grabbing his wrist to stop him from coming down the stairs. “I just want to thank you, not… not only because you finally signed the papers but because you have me a chance to love someone like you.”

“Y/N…”

“No, seriously. You were the first man I have ever loved in my life for that long and just… now that our divorce is finalized, it just feels weird.” You chuckle, “If you’re given a chance to meet someone new, promise me to never make the same mistake again. They don’t deserve the same pain I went through.”

For the last time, you planted a kiss on Jaehyun’s lips. He could taste the salty tears that were falling from your eyes. When you pulled away and smiled at him, Jaehyun felt his heart crack.

For the last time, before you walk down the stairs as your driver wait for you, you told him: “You were my everything, Jeong Jaehyun. I loved you so much. Goodbye.”

Jeong Jaehyun was 30 when the person he loved the most walked out of his life and he witnessed it with his own eyes. He was frozen on the spot as he watched your car drive away. Jaehyun does not remember the exact moment he fell in love with you, but he remembered holding your hand and knew how much it would hurt to let you go.

But if letting go of you hand will make you happy and put you at peace, then he’s willing to let go.

If home is where the heart really is, then Jaehyun will never make it home again.

COPYRIGHT © THEJE0NGS. 2021. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DO NOT REPOST OR TRANSLATE.

Just as you were closing your browser tab in panic, you hear the tentative knock of your roommate from the other side of your door.

“Umm, y/n? May I come in?”

His voice came out muffled but it still managed to send hot blood running to your face. You agree and let him enter your room, sure of the guilty expression you must be sporting right now. A deer caught in headlights.

“I think you need to turn off your Bluetooth until I’m done with your headphones”

You felt like burying yourself 10 feet under the ground. How could you make such a dumb mistake like this? You expected Jaemin to be flustered too, to return your headphones back immediately, yet he looked confident as ever standing there, half-naked, telling his roommate to stop watching porn.

“I’m really sorry Jaemin, it was an accident-“

The sound of his chuckling makes you stop your apology, arms crossed over his chest as he gives you a once-over. His body looked even more toned now, and you didn’t know if the raise of your temperature was a result of your embarrassment or something else. He better stop looking at you like that before you do anything stupid.

“I just didn’t think you’d be into the whole ‘Daddy’ kink”

Suddenly you remember the content of the porn video.

“I- I’m not! This was just something new and I wanted to try it out and it sounded hot at first and I don’t even know why I’m telling you all this…”

Your voice trails off, swallowed by Jaemin’s boisterous laughter that jumps off the four walls of your bedroom. He’s entertained? You’re slowly but steadily starting to get more annoyed.

“I was indifferent towards it, but something about you liking it makes it really hot.”

“H-hot?”

“Yeah”, he starts, flashing you his signature grin, and he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, “‘cause you’re all innocent and stuff. Didn’t even think you liked watching porn”

“I have needs too, you know!”

“I’m sure you do, baby. So let’s hear it”

Did Jaemin just call you baby? The sound of the nickname just casually rolling off the tip of his tongue has you getting lightheaded, and you pray he doesn’t catch you rubbing your thighs together under your duvet.

“Hear what?”

“Say ‘daddy’. Like the girl in the video. How else are you gonna know if you like it or not?”

A red tint coats your vision, warning sirens go off in your ears. You are getting dangerously turned on by your roommate right now and you know that if you keep going there is no turning back. Jaemin frowns after your short silence and starts getting up from his seat.

“I’m sorry. I’m probably making you uncomfortable”

“No!”, you shriek, pulling him back with a little more eagerness than you’d like. No room for holding back now. “Will you help me? Figure it out, I mean.”

The words you just spewed out don’t even register in your head, you’re a complete victim of your neediness at this point. Jaemin starts to pet your hair softly, with a smile so sweet that’s completely contradictory to the sexual nature of your conversation.

“I’d love to help you, but we’re roommates. Are you ok with letting me go there with you? Will that make it weird?”

You knew it would, knew that hooking up with your roommate was dumb, but it’s not like you’ve kept it black and white up to this point. Nothing you wanted more at that moment than his body pressed against you and his sweet touch and for him to call you his baby again. You trusted Jaemin, and if there was someone with whom you’d want to explore this developing kink of yours, it would definitely be him.

“It’s okay. For this one time.”

He opens his thighs just an inch, patting the muscles welcomingly.

“Come here, pretty”

Leaving your pillowy hiding spot, you crawl your way slowly into his lap. Warm hands find their place over your waist, keeping you steady, and you hold onto his shoulders for extra stability.

“Can I kiss you?”

You’re the one who leans in first, giving him permission. His lips are slightly chapped and taste like coffee, your cherry chapstick mixing up the taste. You mewl as his tongue runs across your lower lip, you lose your mind a little when he captures it between his teeth.

“So sweet”, he groans against your mouth and shifts your spot on his lap so that you’re seated over his left thigh instead, “Is that how your pussy tastes as well, angel?”

You can only whimper as a response, and when he jerks his leg so that your heat rubs against his thigh, you feel like crying from desperation. Your hips start moving on their own, looking for that delicious friction that sets your whole body on fire. Jaemin bounces you on his leg again.

“Needy pussy. You know you’re ruining my sweatpants through your panties, right?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry what?”

You didn’t have to look at him to know he had the biggest smile on his face, playful like the fingers that were squeezing your ass and keeping you in motion. Turning your eyes away from him, you fix your gaze on the little mole on his neck instead, gathering the courage to spill out the word that is sitting on the tip of your tongue.

“Sorry, daddy”

A sharp slap on your ass jolts you up straight, and you hold your breath when you feel Jaemins tight grip on your jaw.

“Look at me when you talk to me”

“I’m sorry, daddy”

He pats your head with the utmost care, wiping away the few tears that threaten to spill out from your blown-out eyes.

“Think you can come like this?”

You nod desperately, wrapping your arms around his neck so that he doesn’t let go. You’re so unbelievably close that you can almost taste the imminent orgasm, rutting against Jaemin’s legs with no inhibitions now. His hands bunch up the hem of the t-shirt you were wearing, pulling it up to uncover your chest.

Your face burns at the realization of the position you’re in with your roommate right now, but all thoughts evaporate from your head when his lips latch on your boob. With your clit rubbing against his flexed muscle and his mouth sucking on your nipple with such devotion, it doesn’t take long for you to come undone.

Your head falls back, and a series of swear words merged with each other leave your lips. Jaemin keeps you moving through your orgasm, muttering praises against your skin.

“That’s my good girl”

The stars in your vision slowly disappear as you blink through them, Jaemin’s fucked out expression appearing in front of your eyes again. He looks even more affected by the whole thing than you, and a quick look at his lap makes it obvious he’s begging for some sort of release as well.

“Can I put you in my mouth daddy?”

“Fuck”

Taking this as a yes, you get up on your feet again, taking your t-shirt off completely. Jaemin’s hands immediately come in contact with your bare skin, squeezing your breasts and hooking two fingers on the band of your panties. You take the hint and remove them as well, too ruined to be of help anyways, and you cross your hands over your nakedness in embarrassment as you kneel in front of him.

Jaemin’s eyes take it all in: your doe eyes, your naked body on display, the way your knees are shaking.

He commands you to suck on him from the side, and you carefully climb on the edge of the bed, crawling over him until your ass is propped up. Carefully and with patience, he collects your hair on his left fist, helping you pleasure him better. You gasp when he lets his member sprung free.

It’s unfair, really, how blessed Jaemin is physically in every way possible. He’s big, the kinda big that makes your mouth water and your pussy clench in fear and excitement. You take him in slowly, loving the way he fills your mouth so well. You move your tongue over a big vein on the underside of his cock and he swears loudly, keeping your head down just a second longer.

It’s hard to move around a dick that big so you gag a little, and Jaemin pulls you up with your hair to take a breather. You’re drooling all over your chin, lips big and plump from all the sucking.

“Is it hard for you baby?”

You nod with a sniffle, letting a tear drop down your hot face. He coos at you lovingly and kisses you softly, rubbing your cheek with his free hand until you’re swelling up with all the praise.

“You’re doing so well though. Will you go on a little more for daddy?”

You nod blindly, ready to please. He chuckles at your eagerness, kissing you once more before letting you continue.

“You’re so cute. So drunk with my cock inside your mouth.”

Your whimpers only egg him on more, and he bites his lips before he eats you whole.

“Be a good girl and let me fuck your throat now.”

Swallowing his entirety was a difficult task, but the angle helped you a lot. His tip hits the back of your throat for the first time and he slaps your raw pussy with his right hand, pushing you down even further. You emerge with the need for oxygen and get ready to dive in again when one of his fingers enters you.

You yelp from the overstimulation, your thighs shaking from the sensitivity. Jaemin seems entertained with your moans, pushing another finger inside.

“That’s… too much. I’m too sensitive. Fuck- I can’t”

He hushes you with a pat on your head, helping you put his cock back in your mouth.

“Pinch me if you want to stop. But I think you like being manhandled, right baby?”

The embarrassment makes you suck on him harder, sloppier, with more skill. His fingers pump quickly inside you as your moans get muffled in your full mouth, and you both can feel an orgasm approaching quickly.

You cum first, complaining as you desperately try to close your legs while Jaemin’s keeping them open for him to enjoy some more. Your wetness is dripping down your thighs at this point, making the skin smooth and shiny. The feeling of your wet pussy sucking his fingers in, combined with your moans around his hardness prove to be too much for him, letting out a string of curses before painting the insides of your mouth with white. He cums so much that you’re shocked with the amount of spunk, some of it dripping past your lips but you push it back in with your thumb, sucking it clean.

“Fuck”, is all Jaemin can mutter, his chest heaving from the sudden drop. His eyes are blown out as he’s taking your naked body in for the last time, knowing damn well he won’t ever be able to get that image off his head. His heart beats even faster as you smile at him innocently, looking so heavenly in the after-sex glow.

He coughs dryly when he realizes he’s staring, offering the shared bathroom to you first. When you came back to your bedroom after your shower he had already left, yet he was nice enough to take off the sheets you ruined and fold them, ready to be thrown in the laundry basket. He never asked for your headphones again, nor did he mention the ‘daddy’ incident.

But things were not the same. The tension would stretch like a thread between you, ready to snap at every second. It’d fill the air during the sex scenes of your movie nights, on the mornings when he would greet you with a deep voice and his dark stubble, on the lonely nights he could faintly make out the buzzing of your vibrator.

It sure settled in now, as you’re marching into the kitchen with just an oversized t-shirt on and your panties peeking just a bit. Today will be one of the hottest days of summer, and your body won’t handle being covered with much more before it overheats. Besides, he’s always walking around shirtless anyways.

“Na Jaemin. How many times have I told you to use the soft side of the sponge when you wash the dishes?”

“Good evening to you too, roommate dearest”, he chirps in response, continuing to scratch your plates as if you never said a thing. “Did you run out of pants?”

“Shut up. I’m so hot”

“I know”

You roll your eyes at the typical smartass response, grabbing the soapy dish from his hands.

“Ugh! Let me do it.”

“Aye aye captain”

He meant to deliver the last line with confidence yet he trips over his words, blushing at your hands that’re touching and your barely covered body that’s pressing up against his. The hairs at the nape of his neck stand on edge when he feels the softness of your chest with his back, getting flashbacks of how good they looked bouncing while you were riding his thigh.

He dries his hands quickly with a kitchen towel you have laying around and then moves over to the living room’s couch, the familiar Netflix tune reaching your ears.

“Wanna watch a movie with me?”

“Sure. But can you please turn the ac on? I might melt any second now.”

Jaemin presses the big round button of the ac controller, waiting for it to turn on. Something is wrong with the grills so he gets up to fix them, sitting on his tiptoes to reach. Your mind might have wandered off a little too much at the sight of his back dimples exposed, causing you to accidentally spray a shit ton of water on yourself.

You curse at your stupidity and the shiver-inducing feeling of wet fabric against your skin, holding yourself back from throwing the pot you’re cleaning at your laughing roommate. Thankfully it’s the last one of the load, so you make your way over to the connecting living room as well.

Jaemin is sitting and no, that wasn’t the problem. It was where he was sitting. This was your spot, not due to some Sheldon Cooper-esque obsession but because this was the only seat of the couch where the cold stream of the air conditioner didn’t directly hit you. The ease with which you catch a cold is ridiculous, so ensuring that spot is the only way you can enjoy both a cool room and a non-stuffy nose.

“Get up”, you command him, yet he doesn’t move an inch.

“Come on, I’m too comfortable to move”

“Jaemin! You know how sensitive I am!”

He gives you a once-over, his glance resting a second too long on your chest. The wet t-shirt has stuck over your skin, giving him a perfectly shaped and see-through view of your boobs. You squirm at how hungrily he looks at you, desperation and desire pooling in your lower stomach.

“I know”, he replies, a simple statement that reads as so much more. Swiftly and without any time to react, he grabs your wrist, pulling you onto his lap. “We’ll both sit here then”

You huff, both in frustration and in desperate need to let out some tension from your body. His eyes are glued to the screen, shifting through the different options, but you swear you can feel his eyes stealing glances at your boobs. The skin on your stomach gets warm as he presses his palm flat against it, and it’s all so intimate you want to scream. To add to the hell of it all, you felt the whole outline of his dick - and it’s a whole lot - through your skimpy panties.

“You’re so wet”, he dead-pans and your whole body immediately stiffens. You’re certainly turned on but you at least hoped you did a good job hiding it, feeling embarrassed at your body’s natural response.

“H-huh?”

“How much water did you throw on yourself, you little klutz?”

“O-Oh. Yes. You know me”, you giggle nervously, yelling at yourself to cool off. This is just your roommate. A roommate who made you cum harder than any man before, twice, but your roommate nonetheless.

“I saw your best friend today”, he continues with the same nonchalant tone, and the change in subject helps you relax.

“Really?”

“Yeah, she dyed her hair huh? It looks really good”

Just your roommate. A roommate who has the ability to make you jealous by simply mentioning another woman’s haircut. It was petty, sure, but you still reposition yourself on his lap, making sure to grind those tiny panties over his shaft.

You can make out a small grunt that almost escapes his lips, and a twitch down south if you’re not mistaken. He tells you something along the lines of not moving so abruptly when your phone starts to ring, and along with it your eyes bulge out of their sockets.

“Hello?”

You answer the call at the speed of light, and Jaemin, who curiously looks from over your shoulder, misses the caller id for a split second.

“Is it your best friend? Tell her we’re busy fucking!”, he jokes with a laugh, completely ignoring your waving arms and pleads to stop.

“Shut up Jaem!”

“Oh yeah, fuck. You take it so good baby. Mmmm yes, you want it harder huh?”, he moans out jokingly, slapping your thigh for a more realistic audio.

You’re completely helpless as you try to explain to the caller what the hell is going on, all the while your roommate bounces you on his lap in excitement.

“Y/n I’m gonna cummmmm~”

You scream in embarrassment and hang up the phone, hitting Jaemin in the chest.

“Jaem, what the fuck! It was the guy I was seeing that ghosted me! You ruined everything!”

Jaemin halts his humping at the sound of you being so upset, feeling empty as you try to wiggle out of his embrace.

“Y/n I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I can call him and explain if you want-”

“No, forget it”, you mumble, the disappointment clear in your voice. You rub your face with your palms in frustration, tears welling up in your eyes. “God Jaem, I’m never getting out of this dry spell because of you”

He withers in his seat, feeling terrible. You’ve been the best roommate he’s ever had, so patient with him despite how annoying he’s aware he can be, and all he has caused you in return is trouble. He may not be able to compensate for all the sleepless nights his gaming addiction has caused you, but there is something he can do to help you out right now. And he can do it well.

“You’re right, it’s my fault. So use me.”

“Huh?”, you turn around to face him, almost straddling him. His face is flushed in embarrassment, yet his eyes are full of determination.

“You have your needs, and it’s my fault you can’t fulfill them. I’ll take care of them if you’re ok with it. I want to make it up to you.”

You blink back at him, dumbstruck, but his words have already started to affect you. You put your hands on each side of his face, staring at it for a second before you decide to kiss him.

His lips feel softer than last time but press harder against your own. He has a goal to reach and that is pleasuring you, so he doesn’t want to lose any time. As soon as his tongue disappears in your mouth his fingers rub against your panties as well, the friction already alleviating much of the sexual frustration stored in your body. They reach through the damp fabric and glide through your lower lips, while his other hand grabs one of your buttcheeks. He uses the grip to grind you against his dick that is now hard already.

“Let me take care of you”, he breathes on your skin and lays you down on your back, taking off your underwear as well.

He starts off by biting the inside of your thighs, the anticipation making you squirm. He takes his time kissing over the bite marks one by one, moving everywhere but the place you want him most. You start to whine at the teasing, and take a handful of his hair before you lose your mind.

“Why are you so mean? I thought you said you’d take care of me.”

“I know. But I like hearing you beg.”

If only it wasn’t for his hot breath just a hairsbreadth away from your pussy, or the month-long celibacy, or his beautiful face staring up at you from between your thighs, you would have swatted him on the head and stormed off.

“Daddy, please”

He didn’t ask you to use the title. It was all on your own initiative, the indisputable proof of how Jaemin has you wrapped around his little finger. He swears he’s going insane from you and with a groan, he dives in.

Two fingers spread your lips apart, giving him better access to your clit. He spits at your already soaking pussy, and then starts to slowly circle around the sensitive bud. The response from you is immediate, gnawing at the pillows around you and moaning in delight. It all sounds like music to Jaemin’s ears, and he starts to suck over a sweet spot, full of motivation.

“You’re leaking all over baby”

He was right, you could feel yourself gushing more and more as his mouth picked up speed. You feel fatigued as you sense your orgasm approaching, and when he starts to leave kitten licks right above your opening you leave a scream that startles you both.

“Fuck, right there! Don’t stop!”

Jaemin spreads your thighs apart until you’re fully exposed for him, making that sensitive spot feel even rawer. You’re tugging on the fistful of hair to move his face around your pussy just the way you like it when a wave of pleasure finally washes over you.

Your whole body shakes from the orgasm, and Jaemin intertwines his hands with yours to help you through it. You feel spent already, drooling in bliss but he doesn’t stop for even a second, only slows down a bit.

“You can handle one more”, he reassures you and slips two fingers inside your dripping core. You’re still adjusting to their girth when he curls them upwards and drags them against that spot that makes you dizzy. His tongue continues its languid movements in figure 8s, pulling away to breathe for a second. A string of your cum is hanging from his swollen lips, the sight so dirty it makes you groan. When he sucks you in his mouth again, you reach your second orgasm.

You moan gibberish as he continues to pump his fingers inside you faster, ignoring your thrashing on the bed. He only stops when he gets worried about a noise complaint from how loud you’re being, removing his digits and picking up the excess cum from your opening.

You’re stuck staring at him blankly, chest heaving up and down from the exhaustion. When he rubs his wet fingers over your lips you smile in drunk delight, and open your mouth to take them in.

“So fucking slutty”, Jaemin mutters as you slurp your wetness loudly, twirling your tongue around the silver rings he’s wearing. “Can’t wait to fuck you”

He’s palming himself through his sweatpants and the mere memory of his size makes you panic. He’d be hard to take any day but your recent abstinence from sex has you tighter than usual - you could tell by the way his fingers struggled to coexist inside you.

“I don’t know if it can fit”, you think out loud and the innocence in your voice wakes up something dark in him.

“I’ll make it fit”, he says confidently, taking off all articles of clothing one by one. When his member springs free you gulp, looking big and scary and delicious at the same time. “If you wet it it’s gonna slip easier”

You roll your eyes at how he tries to convince you to give him head again, yet not even your big ego can deny how badly you want him in your mouth. You turn your body around so that your head is now hanging off the couch, in order to help your throat fit him better.

Jaemin licks his lips as he approaches you, ready to feel the warmth of your mouth when you stop him with a palm on his thigh.

“Before we start, can you turn the ac off? I’m feeling a little cold”

“Can you stop with the damn ac already?”

“Do you want to fight or do you want your dick sucked?”

He sighs defeatedly, looking for the small controller. Your smile widens when you hear the characteristic beep, and Jaemin chuckles at your upside-down contentment.

“There. Anything else for you my princess?”

You nod with faux innocence, and simply open up your mouth. Jaemin hisses from arousal, his dick hardening at the sight of your expecting face. He grabs the base of his cock and starts teasing you, bouncing his tip over your lips.

Your tongue flicks his tip invitingly, and he finally lets himself past the rim of your mouth. Right off the bat, you’re met with a challenge, trying to loosen your jaw as much as you can to make room for his girth. Your taste buds tickle you as they welcome his salty precum, and when he moves his hips forward again your tongue engulfs his undershaft.

You go on like this for a while, with you licking his length - well, part of it - and him occasionally stretching out your cheeks. It’s when his tip enters your throat that you start taking full advantage of the position you’re in.

You gulp down the end of him at first, trying to train your throat into insensitivity. The guttural moans he lets out have you rubbing your thighs in heat, the desire alone making you forget about your last two climaxes. He pushes in further and you gargle around him, and he pulls away to let you breathe.

“Brat. You bite and bark but in the end, you love it when you choke on me.”

You open your mouth to protest but it gets filled in just a second, more than half of his length being buried in your throat. He reaches down to your body and lifts your t-shirt over your chest, before starting to play with your boobs.

The teasing of your nipples has you relaxed even more, and Jaemin decides to rock himself fully inside you. You feel his hair scratch your chin as you try your hardest to breathe through your nose, deep throating him for a few seconds.

“Fuck”, he moans out, hips staggering from the overwhelming feeling. He lets go of your right breast and wraps it tightly around your throat, his rings falling right over the bulge he has created.

Your gag reflex takes over, coughing him out of your throat that is already burning. A string of spit and slick covers the middle of your face from your mouth up to your eyebrows, tears are staining your face.

“My messy princess”, he calls you with a tone so sweet that it’s a hard contradictory to what he did to you just earlier, “So slutty. And so, so beautiful”

You feel hot blood spreading to your ears, wondering how he could find you attractive when you look as ruined as you imagine you do. This is just the prep, you remind yourself, and get up on your knees with a sniffle and a small headache with all the blood that went to your head.

Jaemin almost collapses on the couch, and if it wasn’t his raging hard-on that slapped his stomach as he sat you’d think he’d come already. He motions to it with his hands while getting comfortable.

“As I said, use me. Bounce on it. Think of me as your personal sex toy”

You can’t pass on an offer like that so you stand on your feet, moving in front of him. With a squat, you hover over his lap and search for his tip, leading it to your slit. He seems very satisfied with the view you’ve so generously offered him, and the spank he leaves on one of your cheeks ensures you of that.

You let gravity do its work, and sink down on as much of him as your body allowed. It was not his full length, but it still had your eyes bulging out of your skull.

“Oh my God”

Jaemin is just as affected, if not more, the squelching sounds of your pussy getting stretched by him being enough to make him cum. You grab onto his thighs for leverage and start to circle around him slowly, the pleasure making the pain more than worth it. Soon you manage to take him all in, and you’re so full you’re certain he’s reaching your cervix already. None of your dildos or vibrators could recreate this feeling, the throbbing and length and stretching and all at the same time.

When you finally feel more comfortable you start to move faster, catching your reflection on the glass of your balcony door. Your boobs are bouncing along with you, face contorted and mouth stuck in a dirty ‘O’. Jaemin finds where you’re staring at and curses at the scene, getting up on his feet suddenly.

His arms hold your elbows together to keep you from falling face-first on the coffee table in front of you, and a hand on your jaw makes sure you keep your eyes on the glass. He starts pounding you even harder, your thoughts melting one by one as he whispers in your ears.

“You can’t look away, can you? It feels so good getting rawed standing up, right baby?”

“Yes daddy”

“You’re dripping on the floor already. Now is this from your face of your pussy?”

“Both, daddy”

He chuckles at your cuteness and kisses the side of your neck. Your thighs are shaking from the pressure, and Jaemin can tell how close you are to collapsing. With a hand on the back of your neck he pivots your bodies and bends you in half, burying your face on the wet spot you made earlier. He digs his fingers in your love handles in a bruising grip, and starts thrusting back into your soaking cunt.

You let yourself be used, manhandled as you moan so loud you think your throat is going to give up on you. Jaemin loves the sound, snapping his hips harder to have you as fucked out as he can, the neighbors be damned. Each thrust in your clenching hole has him getting closer and closer to his release, your walls suck him in with their tightness.

“Are you still on birth control?”

“Yes”, you manage to puff out, panting through the couch’s pillow, “dump that load in me”

“Fuck. I’m gonna cum”, he exclaims in deja-vu from his prank earlier, and soon you feel him erupt inside you with a violent thrust. A sweet warmth overwhelms your lower body as he forces himself impossibly deep, the mixture of your wetness and his seed dripping out of you and joining the mess on the floor. He pulls out of you as your body starts to melt, grinding his soiled cock over your ass.

You snap out of your lust-drunk state when he pulls you in a hug, mimicking the straddling position you were in when you started. His fingers draw invisible shapes over your back as you slip in and out of consciousness; lulled by the sweet praises he mouths against your skin.

“That guy was a dick for ghosting you. How could he let go of this?!”

You laugh at his candor and snuggle deeper inside his arms, completely at bliss.

“Well, when we had sex it wasn’t as good. He never even made me cum”

He tightens his hold of you protectively, possessively almost. There’s an unspoken promise that’s lingering in the air, but you’re both too spent to acknowledge it yet. Maybe tomorrow morning, as you accidentally take a sip of his coffee instead of yours and he laughs at your sour face.

“You deserve so much better”

“I have you”

---------------------------------

Hope you liked it!! Feedback is greatly appreciated 🥺🥺

Your sex therapist Dr. Nakamoto was trying to help you with your sexual issues with your husband, the only problem was that after tries and tries of new positions, toys, and kinks, your husband just couldn’t make you cum, he was too selfish to put your needs first at least once during sex and he never did, not to mention that he always pressured you to go down on him, he assumed that you were “too safe”, and he was never nice about it either, it was even worse when he would be mad because you couldn’t make him cum, how ironic. You told him about Yuta the therapist but he didn’t want to go, secretly you’ve been talking to Yuta, and his words weren’t going through, so now he’s trying a hands on approach.

“When you want a pleasurable experience, you have to warm up to it, tell your husband that he can’t just kiss you, then fuck you, he has to get you wet and needy. Tell me, how many times does he have to use lube to fuck you?” He asked kissing your collarbone. “Every time.” You say sadly. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna make you wet.” He said lowly. Yuta removed your dress to your waist to show your pretty lace bra. “No offense to your husband but he’s stupid.” Yuta said making you smile. He pulled the rest of your dress down to see the full white lace set that showed your skin.

“Look at you, you look so pure in white, even though you are trying to get a good fuck from your therapist because your lousy husband can’t.” Yuta said lowly. With a whine of his name, Yuta reached behind you to unclasp your bra making it fall to the ground. Your now exposed breast in his vision. His large hands cupped your breasts as his thumbs rolled over your nipples making them hard. You whined into his touch.

“How is it that I’ve only known you for three months and already know your sensitive spots, but your husband has been with you for five years and doesn’t even know how to kiss you right?” He scoffed.

Yuta continued to flick your nipples as he leaned down kissing your exposed tummy. Butterflies coursed through you, you’ve never felt this aroused and needy before, you yearned and craved for touch because you were so deprived from it for so long. Just then, you felt one of your legs being lifted up onto a broad shoulder and a tongue graze over your most sensitive area on your body. You gasped as you looked down seeing Yuta raise his eyebrows as he licked at your core. As you began to let out moans, your hands cascaded from Yuta’s hands on your breasts, to his arms on top of your stomach, to now reaching for his soft hair as you lightly tugged on it.

He licked up from your slit to your clit before his lips latched around your clit, your body jolting at the feeling. His tongue flicked it up and down, licking at your core like a starved man. You liked this feeling, having your body feel like it was floating. Yuta knew what he was doing to you, that’s probably why he chose being a sex therapist for marriage as a profession.

“Ah, that feels so good!” You moaned. Your teeth gritting together. Yuta looked up at your body, his entire mantra in his mind was about how stupid your husband really was. How he could have a wife so gorgeous, but not know how to please you. Yuta wanted you to be treated right, he knew you practiced celibacy until you married your husband, your purity ring was gone as soon as you were married.

“You taste so sweet, so pure.” Yuta groaned, getting drunk off of your taste. He moved his hands from your breasts and towards your thighs, prying them open, as you tried to close them around his head, your pleasure too overbearing for you, but to be honest this was your first time feeling like this. His tongue then decided to thrust into your hole, your eyes were thrown back as he moved his tongue in and out of you, your walls closing down on his tongue.

“Yuta fuck!” You panted. You began to feel a wave of different feelings as Yuta moved his thumb up to rub your clit as his tongue thrusted in you. Your body felt heavy like it was preparing for something big, then the realization hit that you were about to have your first orgasm. “Yuta don’t stop, you’re gonna make me release!” You whined. “Let it go, enjoy your pleasure.” He groaned into you.

With the words rolling off of his tongue, you came. Your back arched off of the brown leather couch, your eyes rolled back, and your toes curled as you let out one of the longest moans you’ve ever done. Pleasure took over your body as you released, your eyes watered with tears as you did, you couldn’t escape the pleasure. Once you calmed down, Yuta didn’t stop his mouth from leaving your core, cleaning up your juices, the sensation made your body go through tiny little jolts every time his tongue touched your clit. Finally finished, Yuta got up, standing at your attention, looking at your fucked out appearance, even though you’ve had sex before, it felt like you were an innocent virgin to him, how you were so inexperienced and never had your needs fulfilled, he wanted to do that for you.

“How did that feel (Y/n)?” He asked. “Really good, thank you.” You replied. “I’m glad that I could satisfy my clients’ needs.” “Please, can I do something to repay you?” You asked. “No, it’s fine, you don’t have to, you already pay enough-” He stopped mid sentence as soon as he saw you move towards him, your body sitting at attention at the edge of the couch, your eyes looking at his, as your soft hand grazed the bulge in his pants, Yuta letting out a soft gasp.

“I’m not talking about monetary value Dr. Nakamoto.” You said as you undid his pants pulling his cock out immediately. You looked at how nicely his cock looked, it reminded you of a Pornstar’s that you’ve seen before. You licked your lips slowly, you’ve done this before, but you felt the need too, Yuta could definitely feel that aura from you.

“This is your first time giving oral?” He asked, hands rubbing the back of your head. “Yes, but can you teach me please?” You asked, gripping his cock in your hand. You could’ve sworn you felt it twitch after your question. “Yes, I can teach you.” Your smile was filled with glee after his response.

“Okay, so you have it in your hands, that’s a good start, what I want you to do is slowly move your hand up and down.” He instructed. You began to move your hand slowly, Yuta’s eyes rolling to the back of his as he groaned. “Am I doing it right?” You asked. “Yes, now what I want you to do is to lick the tip, it’s the head of the cock- yes that’s it.” Yuta panted. “This is just teasing, it helps in case your partner can’t become aroused.” He explained. “Finally, it’s time to give oral, you have to have your mouth wide open, and use nothing but your tongue and the back of your throat throat, don’t try to shove it down your mouth because you can gag easily, take what you can and gradually move down.” He assured. With a clear cut explanation, you began to take him into your mouth.

You began to suck him off, doing what he instructed, your mouth covered half of his cock while your hand was still wrapped around the rest. Yuta let out a loud groan as you bobbed your head up and down slowly. His hand laid upon your head caressing your hair as you sucked him off, the gesture making you more comfortable.

“Mm, you’re doing so well, that’s it.” Yuta groaned. The praise was making you feel happy, you never knew you could make a man feel this good. You became more confident with your movements, now beginning to take more of him into your mouth, you attempted to take all of him in your mouth thinking it will make him cum, but all it did was make you gag.

“Hey, hey, you don’t have to go down that far until your ready, here keep your hand on it and move it up and down on the area where you can’t and keep sucking what you can.” Yuta said sweetly. You began to do what he said moving your hand on what could not fit into your mouth while still sucking him off. You finally felt better as you could hear his moans getting louder again.

“That’s it, keep doing that (Y/n).” He praised. You kept on going, your jaw becoming sore as your mouth kept moving, it was definitely something for first time beginners when they give oral, but you knew you would get used to it. Because of the soreness, your cheeks tightened which made Yuta tug on your hair. “Fuck, that feels so good. Keep your cheeks hallowed.” He moaned. You began to bob your head faster, distracting yourself from giving up, it was probably due to your inexperience that you couldn’t make Yuta release anytime soon, and you planned on giving up until he gave you one more comment.

“I’m gonna cum, move your mouth to the head and swipe your tongue over the slit, it’s the most sensitive area, Fuck!” He moaned as you did just that. Your tongue quickly swiped over the tip as your hand continued to pump his cock, Yuta couldn’t take it, his cock twitched as soon as you did so, not wanting to hold back, he asked you a serious question right before he came.

“Can I release in your mouth (Y/n)?” Yuta asked as his body began to shake, he looked down at you before you nodded your head yes, his eyes looked happy and before he could say thank you, Yuta released his load into your mouth. His groans and moans loud as hell as his cum shot out of his cock. You on the other hand, had a different feeling to this, it was weird to feel cum go down your throat, but somehow arousing, you felt so dirty, so used, but you liked it, was your sexual appetite really that deprived? As soon as Yuta finished his orgasm, you removed your mouth from his cock along with his hand. You sat up proudly that you skillfully made him cum.

“There’s a trash can if you need to spit out my-” Yuta spoke. “No need, I already swallowed it.” You stated. Yuta looked down at his cock, his mind racing with thoughts as he realized that you swallowed. “You know, you don’t have to do that all the time, I didn’t think you were ready to swallow.” He chuckled. This is exactly where Yuta wanted you. He wanted your desires to be exposed, to know how much you knew about sex in general, and see if he could turn an innocent little housewife into a certified Whore. Obviously it was easy especially since your purity ring was gone since five years ago.

“Yuta?” You asked. “Hmm?” He responded. “C-Could you fuck me please? I want to know what an orgasm from penetrative sex is.” Yuta smirked before slowly pushing your body back on the couch before flipping your body over, you laid on your stomach as your ass was on display for Yuta to see. He walked to the front of the couch, your eyes only being able to see his cock. He bent down slowly, your eyes now staring at his. “I definitely can, but I think I have to remove some of my clothes don’t you?” He asked in a low tone. “Yes.” You replied. Yuta smiled before beginning to take off his clothes in front of you.

His started off with his shirt, unbuttoning the buttons as he stared down at you, his cock twitching at the way you looked in the position he was gonna fuck you in. Yuta then removed his pants and underwear that was under his cock from the previous blowjob you just gave him. Now fully naked, you were so unaware of how nice his body was underneath all of his clothes, he had a very athletic body, very lean, well proportioned, he was very nice looking, but what was also surprising was the tattoos that stained his skin, the medium-sized tattoo on his waist was very nice looking along with his others.

“Your body looks nice.” You complimented. “How does it make you feel that you are seeing my body like this now?” He asked waiting for a shameful answer. “I’m turned on, you have a really nice body.” You said shyly. He smiled as he walked to his desk drawer getting out a condom before sliding it on. He moved back to his position on the couch, his hard cock hitting your stomach as you felt his body above yours. “Are you ready for another orgasm?” He asked. Your body tensed at the idea that his cock was going to be in you, very different from your husband’s, the only one to enter you. At one point you wanted to say yes, but then again, you did have a husband and you were now about to fuck your and his therapist, but this was only a sex session, and this session could help you learn how you and your husband could please each other. “Yes.” You said shamelessly.

Yuta smiled before lining his cock up with your wet entrance, he used his hands to hoist up your ass a little, as the rest of your body laid flat against the leather couch. With one final breath, Yuta inserted his cock into you, your walls already tightening around him. “Fuck.” He said breathlessly. You turned your head, you weren’t able to see his face, only the shadow of his silhouette from the peak of sunlight through the blinds. It was actually a good thing that he couldn’t see your face right now though, you felt too shameful to look at him in all honesty. With the time of letting him adjust into you, you finally gave him the okay to move, but thinking it was going to be slow thrusts, Yuta tricked you and began to fuck you hard.

His thrusts made you move up a little due to the power of his thrusts. The feeling shocked you at first, but now you felt so good. This was his intention, to fuck you with a passion, he wanted to see what you were missing, getting fucked good enough to where you would remember it. His pelvis kept hitting your ass as he pounded into you, the close contact felt really good. The angle was perfect, your husband would always only fuck you in missionary, this position made you feel all of Yuta sheathed inside of you.

“Yuta, this feels so good- Ahh, right there!” You moaned. Yuta grabbed both of your arms, holding them behind your back, your chest now sticking to the the leather, your hard nipples rubbing against the warm leather making you whine. He used one hand to hold both of your wrists while he moved his unoccupied hand to your ass, gripping it harshly, spreading it slightly to see his cock moving in and out of you, the visual image making Yuta moan from behind you.

“You’re so tight.” He groaned make you mewl. He noticed that you were getting wetter due to him, his thrusts now making your pussy squelch every time he thrusted into you. He then moved his hand from your wrists, releasing your arms, you quickly moved them in front of the couch as he fucked you relentlessly. Using that same hand, he reached in front of you to rub at your sensitive clit.

“Oh Yuta!” You screamed. His hand rubbed your clit harshly, matching it with his thrusts. You clenched around him as he continued this action. He really knew your spots, and he barely knew you, he was definitely an expert at sex for sure. You could feel butterflies in your stomach again, just like last time, your body feeling like it was floating again.

“Yuta, I’m close!” You moaned, your body was already beginning to shake with pleasure. “I can tell, you did so well (Y/n), cum for me please.” Yuta panted. Finally, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you came, your orgasm heavily taking over your body, the feeling of you floating now felt like you were going to heaven, this orgasm was way more powerful than the last one, especially since Yuta was continuing his assault on your pussy as you released around him, his hand on your clit never stopping either. You hated to admit it, but Yuta fucked you so good, you literally forgot your husband’s name.

“Good job (Y/n), fuck!” Yuta groaned before he released into the condom, as he did, his body fell on top of yours, his face close to yours as he began to kiss your cheek as he rode out your highs, he stared at your fucked out face proud of himself and you to finally get you to this point.

Once you both finished your orgasms, Yuta removed himself from you and got up to dispose the condom. As he did, you thought to yourself how much of a whore you are now, you stared blankly at the final thought before getting dressed, you just fucked your therapist, a secret that you will never tell anyone and pretty much take it to your grave.

Sitting on the crowded couch, ears filled with voices talking to you and the bass booming into your chest, it was weird how quickly your eyes were able to concentrate on the way his back muscles shifted under his shirt. 

As if mesmerized, you got up and began walking towards him slowly, shoulders bumped and head dizzy. Then stopped, taking the view of his shoulders. 

Without thinking at all, you placed a hand on his forearms, feeling his hot skin. He turned around to face you and his eyes observed the way your fingers worked his body up, from the bicep to the collarbone and then to the jaw. 

Then you just collided. 

His hands got tangled in your hair and your fists were pulling at his jeans top. 

Were you making out in the middle of a party with Jeno Lee? 

Yes. 

Did you care? 

Probably a bit, because suddenly your body, moved by your last responsible brain cell, pushed him back, out of people’s sight. 

He took a few steps, his arms pulling you with him, until hitting the wall. Then he turned you both around, sliding on the corridor’s wallpaper, his palms around your head and body wanting to be pressed into you more and more.

Then you yelped. 

The frame corner that hit you in the head was crooked. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. Or yelled. In the noise of the party, you couldn’t tell at all. 

“And sorry grandma,” he added, looking up and straightening the frame with one hand. The other hand was already wrapping your wrist. 

His fingers intertwined with yours, so tight and strong, were the only thing anchoring you to reality as he started to walk towards the stairs. But instead of walking them, he made a turn towards the kitchen and you let out a little giggle.

Because you were drunk as fuck. And when he looked around stealthy and knocked a bit on a portion of the wall, you laughed out loud. 

“Shh,” he tried to hush you but failed to make a continuous sound with his voice as he started to chuckle as well. 

“What are you doing?” 

He let your hand go and placed his palms on the panel which shifted to the side. 

A few curious eyes looked over from the hallway but Jeno gazed at them.

“Take a walk, pals,” he ordered and they almost bumped into each other trying to get away. 

Then he looked over at you and his eyes were so darkly amused that you didn’t care he was making you enter a legit hole in a wall inside his house.

“It’s a secret pathway from when I was a kid,” he explained, walking in first, then extending his hand for you to hold. 

And instantly the music got softer and you could hear your own panting. The stairs were narrow and dark but Jeno probably remembered every edge by heart and when he opened the panel to the other side of that weird tunnel, you breathed out.

Your senses were all heightened and you felt a weird buzz in the tips of your fingers when he turned around and caught that breath with his own mouth. It was impossible to distinguish anything in his room, but you knew he reached the bed when suddenly you couldn’t feel his chest anymore and grabbed his hair instead. 

“Ah,” he let out a single raspy sound as you pulled on it. 

“Sorry, didn’t do it on purpose,” you whispered looking down at where his face should have been. He palmed your thighs from behind, going up to lift the hem of your dress until cupping your ass. 

“Then do it on purpose next time.” 

You imitated his grip, kneading his shoulders with your fingers, head-spinning too much. 

Then you slowly sat on his lap. He pressed and rubbed his face into your chest, the straps of the clothing falling down your arms. 

Jeno kissed your bare shoulder, gently, letting his tongue wet your skin as your breasts were dangerously getting exposed by his pulling down. He followed the fabric with his mouth as you mewled, tasting your cleavage and finally reaching your hard nipples. He popped them inside his mouth, sucking as his veiny hands cupped their soft underside. 

Your shaky breath made the few strands of hair, escaped from his styled fringe, dance on his forehead. Then you noticed his eyes, barely visible but looking up at you as the tip of his tongue teasingly circled one of your buds between amused lips.

You cupped his face as he let go of it with a little wet plop and you brushed his lower lip with your thumb. He opened his mouth, even more, neck strained and apple adam moving up and down under your touch as bewitched. 

The frustrated groan he let out made you chuckle as you planted a kiss on his jaw instead of lips, then another one near the ear, forcing his head to the side. His fingers gripped your ass tighter and you shifted in his hold, sitting even lower on his thighs. 

And when you slid on the floor between his legs, his expression was priceless. 

Your gaze was on him as you discarded the dress to the side, throwing it to fuck knows where in his dark room, and his gaze was on you when he did the same with his shirt, leaving you breathless to stare at his form. 

And when he leaned back a bit on his elbows his muscles twitched and you just had to plant wet kisses on his abdomen or you would have gone insane. Going down, following his navel veins that directed you to the place making Jeno groan like that. Incredibly hard, you palmed his cock through his dark jeans and he cupped the back of your head.

"Ah fuck," his deep voice made you squeeze your thighs together and his eyes trembled under the closed lids when you finally opened his zip. 

The music was very loud but all you could hear was his heavy breathing as his cock sprung up and landed on your tongue. 

Head full of alcohol, you didn't care if your saliva slowly descended on your chin as you gagged on it, the image of Jeno shifting his hips to meet your movements - the only thing roaming your skull. 

If you fantasized about your throat fucked by Jeno Lee, the wet sounds broken by his moans and hums, his hands falling down to catch your breasts and pull you upwards on the bed, rolling you over until you smelled his scent on the bed covers, you wanted to keep it a secret. 

And now you were there in his room doing just that, all spread out, your figure on display in the darkness, and Jeno, too, was about to lose his mind.

He couldn't wait anymore. 

His hands pressed on your flesh and his tongue lapped at your core from behind, your own hands grabbing at his sheets and your rough throat moaning loudly. You were so wet that Jeno had to lick your inner thigh, collecting every drop before fucking you with his tongue, palm spanking your bouncy ass, making you yelp and beg for more. 

The noise of the creaking bed filled your ears and when you finally felt his cock poke at your entrance, the condom packet thrown on the bed in your peripheral vision, you whimpered loudly, the quick breathing caused by your almost orgasm making you dizzy.

"Fuck," he kept repeating like a mantra, fingers pressed into your waist as his cock slowly stretched you out. You shuddered as he filled you all up until his hips could touch your ass. 

And then he slammed them into you, again and again, making your body shift forward and backwards on his bed at every thrust.

"Hm, you like my cock like this, don't you?" his voice was like a buzz inside your lungs as deep as the bass at the party downstairs. "Bet you can't wait for me to make you cum," he whispered, leaning down until touching your ear. "You want it so bad, don't you?" 

"Yeah," you breathed out. "It feels so good," you mewled, your voice sounding so foreign to yourself that you weren’t sure it was you speaking. 

He caught your moans with his lips, tongue sliding inside and fucking your mouth just as his thrusts inside of you. 

And when he palmed your stomach and you felt his fingers on your clit, you almost screamed. 

"Cumming cumming cumming-," 

"Yeah?" he licked your neck before biting on it. "You thought it was going to be so easy?" 

"Jeno-," 

"Again," he slapped your ass. 

"Jeno!" 

He hummed amused and picked up the pace of his hips until you squirmed in his hold, forcing him to hold your waist back, fucking you through the mind-blowing orgasm. 

Spent and trembling, you just let him turn you around and bite on your breasts before cupping them and sliding his wet cock on your hard nipples. 

You looked down and whined, his veiny hands taking the condom out and jerking himself on you before fucking your boobs. You squished them together to give him friction and stuck your tongue out, trying to catch his tip every time it got close. He smirked in the middle of his panting, one thumb tapping at your lips and filling your mouth up again when you opened. 

"Such a good girl with such an amazing mouth," he breathed out roughly and you looked up at the few wet strands of hair he pushed back to reveal his furrowed eyebrows. You hollowed your cheeks and he hissed through his teeth. His hands were trembling and the swears rolling off his tongue were getting louder and louder. You gagged a few more times, letting him hit your throat again and again and when he went limp, his fingers gripping the bed frame behind your head, you let his cock out of your mouth, finishing with your hand.

He came messily all over your face with the most sinful sounds and when he slid back across your body, his seed fell on your chest as well. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled as he tried hard to catch his breath. 

You swallowed everything you had in your mouth and Jeno smiled, biting his lower lip. 

“And what’s your name, baby?”

__________

The morning was just like you imagined it: dry lips, messy hair, dehydrated, sore muscles, panties nowhere to be seen. 

You woke up slowly but jolting at the same time and for a moment you had no idea where you were. Then you looked to the left and your heart sunk to your guts. 

Jeno Lee, beautifully spread on his stomach and with lips slightly open, was still wandering through Hypno's reign. 

You swallowed hard and shifted under the thin covers, mind running at a speed your professors wanted it to run during class. 

Shit.

You actually let Jeno hit last night. 

And it was awesome. 

But he was Jeno Lee. 

It was weird and you hated to admit it, but you found pride in not having a crush on him for all of that time. Yet, there you were, butt naked in his bed and pussy sore from his magnum dong. 

Unbearable. 

Hands trembling and eyes darting around the room to catch the smallest movement, you searched for your dress. Perhaps it was the alcohol from last night or your short sight, but it was nowhere to be seen. 

But his closet was nicely on display and his shirts as well. 

It was not stealing, you told yourself as you grabbed the first shirt and sweatpants you could find. 

They smelled like high-quality fabric softener and for a moment you took in his room. Perhaps it would be nice to head to the bathroom and cook him breakfast. 

Then your shivering skin got the best of you and you ran downstairs, not looking once at the way Jeno's fringe framed his face or the way his shoulders moved as he breathed.

__________

The days after, in class, in the corridors, on your way home, you'd find yourself alternating between highs and lows. 

Quick images of what you remembered, danced in your brain - but there were no visual memories: it only involved your other senses and it drove you crazy.

You could still feel his touch on your skin. His fingertips on your sides, gentle. Or his palms on your ass, harsh. His tongue all over your body, wet and warm. His lips tasting every bit of you. His breath on your neck. His teeth on the softness of your thigh. His cologne. His voice. 

You'd find yourself suddenly out of breath while doing the readings or gasping as if it were happening at that moment. And you'd clear your throat asking your brains what the fuck were you doing.

That day you went to class with the clear intent of avoiding Jeno as usual. 

The embarrassment of that night still felt heavy on your shoulders. 

The scene of you entering the campus and hearing whispering in the corners as you walked kept rolling in your head every time you’d go to sleep.

Tomorrow is the day I finally get my pride crushed.

So it was a surprise when none of that happened. 

Your friends didn’t realize you weren’t with them until morning. Perhaps they all did something else they didn’t want to share. 

Random people barely looked at you and most importantly, Jeno and his squad weren’t there to attack you. 

Perhaps your ego was too big and you didn’t even realize that Jeno wouldn’t remember you at all. 

A light chuckle left your chest as a sigh of relief escaped it too. 

You worried too much: Jeno Lee had no idea you fucked and if he saw your face he wouldn’t even know your name.

"Y/N."

You stopped in your tracks as if fulminated. You’ve just finished the classes for the day and were headed towards the parking lot. 

That was the slowest you've ever turned around before. 

"Yes?" 

Jeno was smiling, one hand to support his bag, the other comfortably resting in his jeans pocket. 

"Hi," he greeted, a bit taken back by your surprised face. Or scared face. Or disgusted face. You had no idea. 

"Hi," you greeted as well. 

He blinked and you blinked back in that moment of silence. What did he expect? For you to fall to his feet and beg to have another round?

"What you up to?" 

"Nothing much," you shifted your weight from one foot to another. "What about you?" 

He smiled a bit and then gulped. His Adam apple was beautifully on display and if he weren't Jeno Lee, you might have thought that he was a bit nervous. 

"Same. Didn't see you around much.”

A few people lowered their whispers as they passed by you in the corridor and the sudden self-consciousness made you clear your throat. 

"Yeah, I'm so busy with classes. Now, excuse me, I shall be going-," you tried to escape but he was so damn quick. 

"Wait," he breathed out, one step to the side to block your way. His cologne hit you like a tsunami in the best way and you had to close your eyes for a moment to recollect yourself before looking at his face. 

"I just- can I give you my number?" 

His eyes were wide like those of a puppy and it was hard to reconcile that view with the one you remembered from his dark room.

"What for?" you spurted out before thinking thouroughly. 

Jeno visibly took a small step back at your tone.

"Uh, I don't know, I mean-," he tried to speak but you interrupted him again. 

"Yes."

Yes? What?

You handed him your phone so quickly that he gasped softly when it landed in his palm. Your knuckles touched a bit harshly and you retrieved your hand back. 

"Sorry," you spoke. "Sorry," he said on top of you. 

"Why? It's me that-" you tried to talk again but he mumbled as well at the same time. "My rings-" 

"No, it's nothing-" you shook your palms in front of you. "Did you hurt yourself?" 

Your mind went to the feeling of those rings on the softness of your ass as he spanked you and you felt your breath shorten. 

"No, I'm good." "Nice lock screen."

You blinked down, looking at his hands. He was waiting for you to put in the password. 

"Oh, wait, sorry." You took the phone back. "It's easier in movies."

Jeno laughed and you smiled nervously. 

Were you smiling? You turned the corners of your mouth down.

You watched him type in his number and save it on your phone. His eyes were deep when he brushed his shoulder with yours as he walked away. 

"See you around then, Y/N."

You remained in place, the mind too busy to realize you didn't say bye to him.

_________

If he could remember your name he could as well remember everything else. And he made the conscious choice to talk to you again and even give you his number. What for? 

Looking at yourself in the mirror for longer than a sane person would, the toothbrush dangling in your mouth long forgotten, mind full of scary theories and imaginations, you literally jumped when you received a text. 

Then you realized you never gave Jeno your number so it could not be him. 

What a fool. 

You’ve never felt more unprepared in your whole life. It was as if the world turned upside down all of a sudden and for your organized mind it was too much.

In the comfort of your dark room, under the covers as if about to do the most shameful thing ever, you finally searched for his contact. 

You stared at it multiple times that day without having the courage to do anything with it.

But just like the beer you had that night that made you finally gather your shit and make out with him, the darkness felt just like that. 

Jeno Lee, the display said, as if you had other Jenos in your contact list you could mistake him for. 

With slightly trembling fingers, that you hated, you clicked on it and wondered what you could possibly text him. 

You’ve never spoken before. Not really. You had no idea what his interests were. 

He was a stranger. 

That fucked you from behind so well you could still feel it. 

Okay, a stranger that’s good in bed. 

Okay, a stranger you might have stalked on social media before. 

Alright, a stranger that you had a mild crush on since the college year started.

But that was all. 

Because you hated the idea of even thinking about it, so you carefully tucked that little thought in the darkest corners of your mind. Now, it was uncovered and it grew so big to have invaded everything else in your mind.

Your head was spinning so much you had to rest it on the pillow. It was too hot so you turned it on the other side. 

You puffed and your thumbs indecisively hovered over the phone screen. 

Hello

Too formal

Hi

Way too formal

Hey

You sighed frustrated, slamming the phone on the covers and deciding you’d rather stare at the ceiling. 

What did Jeno like about you for him to find you again and give you his number? Your appearance? Your sloppy glock glock skills? Was your pussy that good?

Still deep into the “cool greetings to use with the dude you fucked with at a party” list, you barely heard the buzz of the text you received. 

Unbothered and slightly annoyed, you looked it up expecting some weird distant relative sending you gifs of sparkly flowers again, and your breath got knocked out of your lungs. 

A single “h” has been sent to Jeno and his text was right below it, another “h” and a smiley face as if he knew who you were already. 

You basically mewled in pain and embarrassment and when you saw his typing bubble you turned the screen off, unable to wait like that. 

Shit.

“Took you long enough”, it said as the screen turned on again. 

Thank god for technology, you praised, being able to see the text without opening it. 

Now what? 

“Were you waiting for me?” you finally sent him after a long time of pondering. 

“Yes. I still have your dress.”

Oh. So he went there. 

Or he only wants to give you back your clothes?

“And panties.” 

Shit. 

You closed your eyes feeling your throat dry. 

You were completely sober. There was no reason to get all that worked up. He was just telling you he had your clothes and he wanted to return them. Right?

“I borrowed some things from you,” you typed, desperately wanting to make the conversation neutral. “That I have to return as well.”

“When you secretly sneaked out in the morning?”

“Not my fault you’re a heavy sleeper. We can exchange clothes tomorrow.”

“Oh, I like how that sounds”, he had the nerve to reply. “There’s something else.”

It was a photo. 

You blinked hard, staring at it, your brain unable to take in the scene. 

Jeno was leaning on the wall, one hand in your hair and the other on your waist. Yours were pressed on his chest. You inhaled shakily at the sight of your mouths connected as if hungry, his jawline on display in the darkness. 

“Who took this?” you typed, making a few typos because of the painful amount of adrenaline in your blood. 

“The photographer. I got the party photos today and this is one of them.” 

“Did you show anyone?”

“No.”

“Delete it.”

Jeno didn’t reply for a bit. The typing bubble appeared and the text only said “Alright”. 

Fuck, you didn’t trust him. 

Fuck, this changes everything. 

You sprinted up on the bed, your heart beating like about to burst out of your chest. No one laughed at you yet because Jeno didn’t tell anyone. 

Yet. 

And when he will, your worst fears will become reality. 

“I swear, if someone else comes across it and you didn’t delete it I’ll” you sent before finishing the phrase.

“Everyone saw us kissing and no one cares Y/N.” 

His calmness made you angry. 

“I care.” 

“And you hated it?”

“I just don’t want to talk about this ever again. For you it might be cool, for me,  it’s not and no one would think kindly of me.” 

“I promise this is not the case at all.”

“Jeno, stop it.” 

“Okay. I swear I deleted it and no one knows about the photo.” 

“Thank you.”

You put your phone in airplane mode and hit the pillow with your head with a deep sigh. 

There were no texts in the morning.

__________

Your clothes were neatly washed and folded in a paper bag on your desk when you came back from the bathroom. 

It has been a scary morning in class, but you didn’t see Jeno and you were glad you didn’t share any classes together. 

You searched your open notebook for a note or something but it was empty. 

That situation kept lingering in your mouth in the form of a sour taste.

You were feeling as though you made a mistake somehow and it was driving you insane. 

And you hated it?

Honestly, you thought you did. And you hated yourself for choosing Jeno from all the dudes to take care of your horny ass that night. 

And the thing that made you hate yourself, even more, was the far away sensation that the choice was a very conscious one. A choice your drunk mind deliberately took since your sober mind didn’t have the balls to take. 

With light steps, you walked to the library and looked around on tiptoes. You knew he used to meet his friends there at that hour and make noise instead of studying. For one day, you hoped he’d be alone. Or that they took a smoke break or something so you could also put his things on the desk without having to see his face. And you also hoped he wouldn’t mention it with his gang because it would have been even worse. 

But the universe wanted you to see his face and even touch him because when you turned around, deciding to give up on the task, the scent of the sweater your face bumped into was just the same as the dress he gave back. 

“I guess I can’t avoid you,” Jeno spoke softly and you noticed a neutral smile on his face. 

“I was looking for you,” you mumbled quickly, looking over his shoulder to see if his annoying friends were around the corner too. 

“I’m alone. Don’t worry,” he assured you. 

“I was not worried about that,” you lied and handed him the bag. 

He took it without looking inside. His gaze was on you as if he wanted to say something but you couldn’t exchange the look to try and understand what that might have been. 

“Thanks,” he finally said. 

“Thanks to you too,” you replied. 

“Listen, Y/N-”

“Jeno,” you warned him, your eyes finally meeting. It was an intense look but he had to understand your intentions. You would not get mixed with people like him only because you hooked up while drunk one night. 

“Okay,” he whispered. 

__________

After the Jeno fiasco, you thought you were done with parties. 

“It’s not a party. Don’t be boring,” Renjun rolled his eyes. “It’s just getting drinks.”

“Yeah. At someone’s house. With loud music and a lot of people,” you imitated your friend’s tone. 

“Listen, I need excuses to talk more to Crush and you will,” he pressed his fingertip on your ribcage, “be there to help me out. Like a good friend.” 

“Whatever,” you had a sip from your McDonald’s Sprite and flinched as it fried your tongue. 

But whatever it was, was no whatever. 

You were standing in the middle of some dude’s living room, in casual clothes, untamed hair, and eyes staring at the way Jeno’s throat looked as he threw back a shot. The dude Renjun talked about was none other than one of Jeno’s best friends. Of course, he’d be there too. 

When he looked down his eyes visibly widened. Understandably so. 

“Don’t be weird,” Renjun whispered, noticing your exchange of gaze with Jeno. “I know you probably never talked before and you hate him, but he’s quite cool,” your friend assured you, mistaking your expression for disgust. 

“Of course I’ve never talked to him before,” you mumbled, taking your place on the floor as you guys came right in time for the new amazing game we decided to play. 

The game was coined by the trickster of the group, Lee Haechan himself, and consisted of a handmade stack of cards with very inappropriate prompts: a "truth or dare" game on steroids.

The apartment was small but very cosy and you appreciated the soft rug on the floors. Nice music played in the background and there weren’t more than ten people, all friends Renjun somehow shared with Jeno. 

You’ve never seen Jeno in a group you were a part of and since he ignored you and you ignored him, it was easy to relax. 

The drink you were having at the moment was sweet and strong, and you were laughing as Renjun was dared to drink 3 shots in a row. He got fucked up in seconds; not that everyone else was feeling better.

So it was almost with no enthusiasm from anyone at that point that you turned around a card from the stack that said what you should be doing. 

The only one with lucid eyes was Haechan who let out an excited “ohh that one!”

You tried to read it but your mind couldn’t recognize the words. 

“Get in the closet,” he instructed. “And play a game with the person in front of you.” 

You gulped another sip and casually locked eyes with Jeno sat in the perfect range. 

“What kind of game?” he questioned Haechan on his right without breaking eye contact. 

Haechan laughed a bit mischievously. 

“Whoever makes the other kiss them, wins.” 

__________

The closet was so tiny that you thought you’d get a panic attack. This before realizing the panic was just Jeno’s presence. 

He entered first then turned around. His hands slid on your body to reach your waist and pull towards him so that the others could close the door behind you. 

It got dark all of a sudden, the only hue coming from the tiny gap underneath the door. The silence was also heavy, only the far away chuckles and music telling what you didn’t just teleport with Jeno into another dimension. The hanging clothes were taking up pretty much all the space and Jeno pushed them to the side with one arm.

His breath smelled like sweet candy telling you he had your same drink so your minds were probably the same level of fucked up.

Too awkward to keep your hands on the sides, you slowly rested them on his chest. 

“I’m glad you look me in the eyes now,” he whispered. “I guess the game is on.”

You blinked at him, so deep in your senses to not have realized you were actually staring. 

His eyes were dark under his fringe and his hands on your hips brought back memories you were trying to forget. 

“You know I will win,” you tried to smile casually in a way you thought was flirty, the booze making that side of you shine. 

“Yeah, because I personally can’t resist you,” he spoke so frankly and so close to your lips that for a moment you thought he was already kissing you. 

Your skin shivered with goosebumps at his words and he chuckled softly, showing you it was all part of the game. Your eyes closed for a moment under his soft thumbs caressing your shoulders after he slid his palms up to your back. 

“If you’re feeling awkward, just tell me,” he added in a different tone. 

You felt like whining. If he didn’t absolutely drive you insane just by being there, his words would have turned you on. 

“I just don’t know if you’re ever serious or not with me,” you found yourself saying, instead of some flirty phrase to break him back. 

Jeno let his breath caress your skin for a bit. 

“I like you, Y/N. For real.” 

Did he?

You blinked at him and you felt so compelled to just lean in and kiss his rosy lips that you had to softly push him away. 

“Alright. I like it.” 

“Me or my flirting?”

“Both,” your clouded mind admitted. 

“If you say this I feel the need to kiss you.” 

“Do it.” 

He chuckled incredulously then inhaled deeply. He wasn’t about to lose the game so easily. 

Your hands were fidgety on his shoulders, not expecting anything, and when he leaned down quickly to kiss your neck you definitely whined. 

“They said to not kiss on the lips,” Jeno’s voice vibrated on your skin as an explanation. 

Your bodies were so close together that when he placed another wet and needy kiss on your neck you just leaned on him. He didn’t budge, his body just stiffening up more under your fingertips to sustain you. 

“You need to be quiet. We don’t want my friends to know you’re attracted to me, do we?” he mocked you as you started to pant, perhaps a bit too loudly. 

“This is- just alcohol talking now. I am not-” you tried to formulate but Jeno’s palms sliding around to squeeze your breasts made it too difficult. 

“Yeah?” he pulled you down and you yelped, falling on his thighs. 

“Where did you sit? We’re going to fall.” 

“On Haechan’s shoe rack. It’s alright,” he pressed you on himself even harder. 

The kiss still didn’t happen and you wondered what the others were thinking outside. If you didn’t go out in 7 minutes, they’d come in to check on you and the thought of finding you sitting on Jeno’s thighs as he nibbled at your neck was - well - so fucking hot. 

“You’re crazy,” you whispered as Jeno’s fingers slid under your top to feel your skin. 

“Yeah? You want to stop?” he looked up at you and it was such a breathtaking view that you involuntarily sat lower on his legs. He smirked and moved one thigh away, making you bounce on his right one. 

“Jeno- I think-” 

“You think? Gotta change that,” he breathed out and even though you were wearing thick jean shorts, the feeling of it on your clit felt so intense that you dug your nails in his shoulders. 

“That’s right. Can I make you cum in a few minutes? Or do you want them to see how needy you are, grinding like this on my leg?” 

You didn’t think you have ever been that desperate. 

Jeno Lee. 

You couldn’t hold onto him and you couldn’t let him go either. And it wasn’t even about that physical aspect driving you insane. 

Nights after nights you’d find yourself thinking about him. You don’t even know him, you’d repeat yourself. 

Yes, but you really wanted to know more. The way he’d laugh at your jokes, the way he’d take you out on a date, the way he’d look like holding your hand. 

And if that wasn’t the seed of something called love, then you had no other certainties in life. 

Vulnerable in his hold, his eyes following your expressions as you rolled your hips on him, your breaths mixed together, you wanted to confess that there was a lot you wanted to tell him. 

“When I’m like this in front of you, I’m full of you. I can’t move and I can’t do anything,” you thought, or said, you had absolutely no idea. And you didn’t even care if it made sense at all.

But Jeno inhaled deeply as if surprised, digging his fingers in your flesh, and finally kissed you, harshly, his hands abandoning your hips and flying to your face. 

You didn’t care. You just didn’t care about anything else besides Jeno. His scent and his touch and the way he tasted. 

"And I can't breathe," he whispered on your lips. "I feel completely bare in front of you and I can't breathe."

You mewled, head spinning at his words and the friction as you kept chasing your high. 

“Why do you keep pushing me away?” he asked and you just kissed him again instead of answering, fingers tugging slightly at his hair. And when you couldn’t keep kissing him anymore, the orgasm fueling your limbs and making them shake, you hid your face in the crook of his neck and he held you tight as you silently came. 

I can’t breathe either, you wanted to say. Now and every time you’d see him. 

And it was so scary that you’d rather deprive yourself of everything. Like a coward.

“I lost,” you heard him talk. 

He smiled a bit when you looked him in the eyes and grabbing your shaking hands he placed a single kiss on each.

“No. I did,” you replied and Jeno opened his mouth to add something but the rapid knock on the door made him gently push you on your feet. 

“Are you done yet?” someone yelled and others laughed. Your looked around scared and Jeno got up and slid his palms on the jeans. 

With a single wink, he got out and announced that you didn’t kiss and you were both winners.

When in fact you were both such big fucking losers.

__________

You thought it was a mistake. 

The moment you saw an audio text from Jeno you imagined some explanation of the kissing game. 

You thought you had explained yourself, that he understood your reasons, and you were ready for him to call you his. You were ready for him to announce proudly that you kissed and that he’s crazy for you. 

Your sobering mind was slowly realizing that it would have been a weird and embarrassing choice, but your whiny drunk mind was mad that he ignored you the whole night afterwards. Just like you had asked him to. 

So the audio took you so by surprise that you had to sit up in your bed.

But Jeno wasn’t talking. 

He was moaning and swearing, his voice a low buzz inside your earphones as it cut out the music you were listening to fall asleep, the wet sounds of his cock fucking his fist in the background making your whole body heat up. 

Groans and whimpers broken by his mumbling were the only things you could focus on, your own breath growing irregular at the sinful sounds. 

The little sane part of your head urged you to turn it off but when he moaned your name in the middle of all of those swears, your body acted up and your thighs automatically clenched together. 

He was desperate, telling you how much he'd rather fuck your little wet pussy, and you lost it. 

Your hand flew between your legs and you were surprised to feel how insanely wet it got you. 

“Hmm, I hope your knuckles are buried deep inside of you by now,” his raspy and breathy laugh made you exhale shakily. And they were. 

"Do you like it?" he asked and you replied with a tiny "yes" as if he could actually hear you. 

"Louder," he talked again as if knowing you inside out. 

"Yes, it feels so good-," you whined. 

"Good girl." 

Your body started to shake at the praise, mind blurry with lust and desire. 

You've never been that wet before. What the hell was going on? Wasn’t he the one telling everyone else that nothing happened? And now he was sending sex audios?

You were in a bad mood that night without realizing that it had something to do with him. Or admitting. 

Now you were certain and it made you so mad that it just turned you on even more. 

You wanted him to grab your hand and tell everyone that he kissed you because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Yet he listened to you and kept that a secret. 

You were needy and confusing, you were aware of that. 

But Jeno made everything so hard to understand. You were both doing this weird and complicated choreo together when you might as well be doing the macarena instead. 

It was mostly that keeping you still awake when Jeno pulled it out, figuratively and not. 

From his deep whimpers, you could tell he was already close and you’ve never had the opportunity to think how hot men moans were. 

Not men. Jeno’s. 

The image of him, wrecked by you, with you on his mind and your name on his lips made you shake a little after his choked breathing. 

“Shit,” you heard him swallow and you imagined him with eyes closed and hair pushed back on his pillow, one hand still sloppily stroking his softening cock. 

“Y/N, I swear, I think I’m falling-” he tried to say but he cut off the recording instead with a deep breath. 

The text got deleted after a few seconds in front of your eyes.

Your hand was also tightly squeezed between your thighs and even after your phone screen turned to black, you still couldn’t find the force to move.

Shit, indeed.

__________

“Okay dude, hang on,” Renjun chuckled once, incredulous, one hand to cup one ear as if he just heard some bullshit. “Y/N? You’re looking for Y/N?”

Jeno wasn’t amused and didn’t bother to repeat himself. 

It was the end of class and everyone was filling the parking with colour. Renjun was fumbling with the keys of his old Honda when Jeno approached him. 

“Didn’t see her today,” Jeno said instead.

“And why would you want to see her? She didn’t have afternoon classes today,” the other narrowed his eyes. 

“Not your business.” 

“Well,” Renjun lifted his shoulders and turned around to finally unlock his car. “Not your business where she is either.”

Jeno was ready to give up, this pushy image of himself not the cutest one he’s ever had. 

In the end, you didn’t care, whatever Jeno did to get around to you. 

It was awkward and weird as if he was more comfortable taking his clothes off in front of you than having a healthy conversation. And your running away didn’t help either.

His body could say things his mouth couldn’t, and he thought you were the same with the way your body replied. Yet, you weren’t. 

But Renjun’s phone started to ring and when the other took it out of his pocket Jeno could see your name beautifully on display. 

“Yeah, I’ll take that,” Jeno was quick to grab it. 

“Hey!” Renjun tried to take it back but Jeno held it too high for the other to reach and when Renjun took a few steps closer, it was easy for Jeno to keep him at a distance with one arm. 

“Renjun! My date is about to come and you said you’ll be here by now!” you yelled softly into the phone. From your tone, Jeno could tell you were giddy and perhaps even excited. 

A date. 

Jeno closed his eyes and exhaled. 

“No. I don’t date,” you shook your head. It was quite late at night and everyone thought the others were asleep or too drunk to keep their eyes open. 

You were lazily chatting with Jaemin, sprawled on the floor after the exhausting game. In another corner, Haechan sweet-talked some girl and Renjun forgot about his own crush as he soundly fell asleep on the couch.

Jeno was wide awake, his open eyes not visible in the darkness of the room.

“Why not?” Jaemin asked softly.

You shrugged but no one could see. “Yeah. Not my thing,” you explained.

“I get that. Jeno’s like that too,” Jaemin mumbled after a yawn.

You kept quiet for a moment. “Is he?”

“Yeah. Fucks around and doesn’t give a damn. Isn’t that right?” Jaemin playfully nudged Jeno’s shoulder but he couldn’t open his mouth to speak.

No. It was not right. 

And after everyone left, Jeno walked alone by foot towards his house as he was unable to drive, and he still regretted not saying anything. 

What would have he said anyway? - “Yes, I do fuck but it’s not like that with you Y/N, I swear. This is something more.” - To you? In front of everyone? Just for you to laugh at him?

“Yes, doll. I’ll be there in a second to help you change,” Jeno said into the phone and threw it back to Renjun who barely caught it.

_________

When you opened the entrance door, your heart sunk to your guts in a painful way. 

Honestly, you had no idea what spirit possessed you and decided to make you accept that date with a random dude from Tinder. 

But your mind was full of cotton and, as opposed to how it sounded, having cotton in your head was painful and debilitating. 

Perhaps everyone else was right. You could give it a try with dating. Have fun. Stop thinking. 

But with someone new. Someone that didn’t have the power in his hands and someone that couldn’t play your heartstrings so intensely.

Jeno, standing on your doormat, sighed at your beautiful appearance and looked over his shoulder. Near the garbage bins, you could see a dude’s face, illuminated by his phone screen, inside an anonymous car. 

Jeno turned again to face you. “Seriously?” 

You exhaled, bothered and crossed your arms. “This is none of your business.” 

“He’s wearing cargo shorts and boat shoes,” he added as if that phrase could sum up everything. 

“And how do you know that?” 

“He was outside when I arrived, reviving his gelled hair in the windshield,” he passed one hand through his hair, mocking him, “and decided to go inside and pretend I’m not here.” 

You eyed the dude you talked to twice. He wasn’t the love of your life but he could be entertaining. At that moment, you knew he was aware of you being outside too but was too afraid to lift his gaze and watch your bickering with Jeno. 

“Great. Now he probably thinks you’re some jealous ex.” 

“I am,” Jeno was firm. 

“You’re--not an ex,” your tone wavered.

“But I am jealous.” 

You closed your eyes for a moment to recollect yourself. 

“I’m not responsible for your emotions, Jeno.” 

“Never said you are,” he replied. “But you’re responsible for your own. And I hate the way you keep lying to yourself.” 

The lump in your throat kept getting heavier. It had been quite hard to apply lipstick that day and knowing that some stranger could potentially get it all messy when the person you actually wanted, didn’t want anything to do with you. 

“I can’t talk about it right now.”

“You never do.” 

“This is not the right moment, Jeno.” 

He puffed his cheeks, annoyed and you eyed his clenched jaw when he depuffed. For a moment you felt so stupid to be going on a date with anyone else besides him to feel it physically grab at your chest. 

“I just want to understand. Just talk to me clearly for once.” 

“Okay. What do you want to hear?” you asked.

“Why is your mouth saying one thing while you’re doing something else?” 

“This makes no sense. Stop making assumptions about me.” 

“Stop making assumptions about me first.” 

“Like what?” 

“Uhm I don’t know. Like I’m this fuckboy that took advantage of you and is laughing at you behind your back with his mates.” 

“And you’re not?” 

He shook his head incredulous.

You looked at your shoes for a moment then to the side. The breeze made your skirt fly and you pressed it down on your thighs. 

“And the things we said to each other in that damn closet?” his voice almost broke and you had to see his face again.

“It was-,” you swallowed, “it was just alcohol talking.” 

That phrase sounded unsure even to your ears but you had no time to say it again with unwavering conviction because Jeno already turned around and walked the few stairs of your porch. 

You watched his back thinking he had finally given up on you. 

But instead of going to his own car, he went over to the poor dude’s one. He knocked on the window and the boy looked up with a jolt. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Jeno leaned down to meet the boy’s scared eyes as he rolled down the window a bit. “I ruined your date so you can just-,” Jeno trailed off and indicated vaguely that the dude could go fuck himself. 

“But I came here first.” 

Jeno’s eyes tightened and his voice lowered. “You think she’s some object? First come first serve basis? I think you need a lesson on how to treat women and my fists are great professors.”

You sighed exasperated and quickly followed him, lightly pushing Jeno to the side to take his place at the window. 

“I’m so sorry about this, Austin.” 

“Austin,” Jeno commented on the name, arms crossed on his chest. He looked so intimidating that Austin’s ears got bright red. 

You fought the urge to strangle him. 

“It’s okay. I guess it’s better if we just don’t hear from each other again, though,” poor Austin tried to keep his voice steady under Jeno’s incendiary eyes. 

He revved the engine and Jeno rolled his eyes at that exhibit of masculinity, taking another step back and grabbing your arm to do the same. Austin’s car moved without you having the chance to say goodbye. 

You coughed at the smoke it left behind and for a moment you felt such profound hatred towards men that you thought it would consume you. 

“This is why I don’t fucking date,” you mumbled angered, already walking the short distance to your house’s porch. 

“You know I wouldn’t behave like that.” 

“I’m talking about you!” you turned around so quickly that Jeno slightly jumped in place while following you. 

“What did I do?” he sounded exasperated. 

“You ruined my date!” 

“I saved you from that boring ass daddy’s boy who doesn’t even know where the clit is!” 

You sighed deeply and opened the front door. Your shoes flew to the side and Jeno didn’t think twice to enter as well. He tripped a bit to the side as he tried to get rid of his own and it looked so funny mixed with his angry face that you had to stop yourself from laughing hysterically. Or cry. 

“I didn’t ask you to! Could you please just leave me alone?” 

“Y/N, do you really think I casually fuck random girls at parties?

He took you by surprise with that so you went quiet for a moment. 

“Is that even a question? Of course, you do.” 

“Have you seen me before? With your own eyes? Doing that?”

“Jeno, please,” you left him there and tried to walk to the living room. “My parents are upstairs. Also, no one knows about us and yet it happened.” 

“So you don’t like the idea of me with someone else or you just don’t like the idea of you with me?”

You sighed and faced him. Jeno’s presence was overwhelming. 

“I just like to draw a line when it starts to get too real.” 

“I want to walk it,” he lowered his voice. “Respectfully.”

You took a step back as he took one forward and your back hit the stone wall of the hallway. 

“Is going on random dates the way you draw lines?” he asked again. 

"Is sending texts then deleting them your way of walking the line?" You tried to keep a steady voice, eyes quickly darting from his eyes to his lips. 

Jeno’s expression wavered. 

“I listened to it,” you whispered. 

Your quick breath didn't go unnoticed by his eyes and it made you even more fidgety. 

“Was it good?” he asked slowly. 

You gulped, mouth already in the position to form a negation. 

“Yes,” you said instead, closing your eyes to not look at him. 

Jeno inhaled, lowered his voice, even more, making it become a whisper, and took a step forward until you almost felt his breath on your face. 

"And do you hate the idea of your body reacting this way to me?" 

His fingertips were a bit cold when he slowly cupped your face. 

"I-," you tried to fill the silence with something but you realized you had nothing better to say than begging him to keep touching you. So you kept quiet as he gently held your chin. 

Your eyes darted to look at the way his thumb caressed your lower lip, opening your mouth a bit before leaning in and kissing you. His hand was quick to descend to your throat. It was firm but delicate. Just like his lips - the first sober kiss you’ve ever exchanged. 

You thought it was intoxication talking before. 

He was not that good. Not that great. Just a dude. 

And yet, there you were. 

His kiss was slow, his breath increasing a little as you let him play with your tongue, your fingertips timid on his chest, digging in ever so slightly. And your mind felt like white: a low buzz tingling your ears and shivers dancing on your skin at his touch. 

You kept your eyes closed for a moment as he breathed out on your lips, just the tiniest contact between yours and his. And when you opened your eyes and exchanged a look, you gulped. 

His hand on your throat moved to your jaw and he cupped your face, his thumb parting your lips again. It bounced on their softness and you had to take it inside, gently letting your tongue move on its underside. Jeno's breath was heavy and your nails kept scratching his t-shirt. 

He was making you feel so high. You wanted to melt in his arms.

His body got even closer if possible. Your hands wrapped around his torso for a moment then went around his chest and finally on his arms, going down to reach his wrist. He let his thumb drag your lower lip down then his teeth were on your neck. They nibbled at the sensitive skin and you whimpered, his fingers keeping your neck in place. And when he let his thigh press between your legs, you mewled, closing your eyes. 

"Quiet," his whisper was as powerful as his touch. 

"Jeno-," you couldn't help yourself. You had to call out his name. 

His low vibrating laugh in the crook of your neck sent shivers across your body. You wanted to rip his clothes off and ruffle his hair, pull it, make him roll his eyes back. 

But he stepped back, palms pressed on either side of your head. 

His blinks were slow and languid, almost as if your state amused him. 

"It's not the alcohol, is it?"

He didn't need the answer to that question. It wasn't even one. It was a full-on affirmation. 

You looked down but he lifted your chin. His eyes were a bit spirited as if he was sure to win the battle and suddenly his heel got exposed. 

"Come on."

"I'm obviously obsessed with you. Do I really have to say it?" your face felt so hot you imagined yourself burning his hand. 

Jeno swallowed, his Adam apple moving inside his throat. 

"Yes."

"I'm obsessed with you."

He sighed and pressed his forehead on yours, closing his eyes. You inhaled his scent and wrapped your arms around his neck for a moment. Then he spoke. 

"Good. Come,” he crouched down to grab your shoes in one hand. 

“What?” you looked at his sudden movements. Jeno didn’t reply and wore his sneakers. 

And your parents definitely heard your high pitched scream as he wrapped his arms around your waist and threw you on his shoulder. 

“Jeno! You’re crazy! What are you doing?” 

“Taking you on a date,” he announced. He made you hold your purse as your arms were dangling on his back and exited the house in a second.

“I can walk, you know?” but there was no irritation in your voice. A little smile was blooming on your lips and when he reached his car and had to put you down, he kissed your lips with a quick peck, opened the door and made you sit on the passenger seat.

Your feet still didn’t touch the ground when Jeno carefully slid your sandals on them, tying them around the ankles.

__________

It was a beautiful sunset and Jeno kept nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, making you chuckle. 

The city looked incredible from the spot Jeno chose. Sat on the warm hood of his car, between his thighs, you had to inhale and exhale multiple times for your brain to understand it was reality. 

“Wait,” you said softly, moving Jeno’s arms from your waist in an attempt to grab your phone from the purse. “Let’s take a selfie. The scenery is beautiful.”

Jeno smiled and placed his chin on your shoulder. You took a few more and opened the gallery to view them. 

Then your finger slipped and another photo appeared on display instead. 

“Wait,” Jeno grabbed your phone as you slid back to the cute selfies, hoping he didn’t see. 

“Jeno-”

“Y/N, let me see,” his voice was amused but firm and you unclasped your fingers from his ones with a sigh.

It was The Photo, the one displaying you and Jeno in the most heated kiss you’ve ever seen on screen. 

“You kept this?” 

“You didn’t?” you asked him. 

“Of course I didn’t. You asked me to delete it.” 

“Well, I didn’t trust you so I kept it,” you explained nonchalantly. “As leverage.” 

“As leverage,” Jeno repeated while a little smile curved his lips. 

“Yeah. In case something happened. To use against you,” you rolled a thread of his t-shirt around your finger. 

“And that’s it,” he affirmed slowly.

“That’s it. Why would I need it? To look at it every night?” you smiled, making him chuckle once. 

“Send it to me too. And the selfie as well.” 

“What do you need the first one for?” 

“Leverage,” he nodded. 

You nodded back, the fake seriousness of the conversation making it hard to keep in the bubbling laugh inside your chest.

“That’s where it started and this is where we’ve arrived,” you commented, sending him the photos. “After a bumpy road.”

“And whose fault is that?” 

“Uhm? Hello? Not mine.” 

“Not entirely, no,” he lightly kissed your cheek right near the ear. “For it to be more truthful I think we need to remake the first photo instead.”

You closed your eyes and curved your spine at his fingers creeping on your thighs. 

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“In the car?” 

“Why? You’ve never fucked in a car?” 

“Of course I did. Not great.”

“Not with me though.” 

You wanted the protection the contract would bring you. Because you weren’t exactly the dim kind. You knew that being a young single mother in this country wouldn’t really open many doors for you. If it was any sign, your parents had been the first one to shut their doors. If your kin was quick to abandon, you couldn’t much rely on the kindness of strangers. Thus, though you had worked hard to survive so far, you had a cunning mind that told you that it was going to be an uphill all your life… unless you did something about it.

Jaehyun just wanted to secure his place in the family business. Because for whatever fucked up reason, his father wanted him to marry. Because old money farts still think that a young man is only capable once he has taken a wife. Otherwise, he is a reckless bachelor that’s going to drink and whore the family fortune away. If he had been just that, he might have actually found a real woman to love and marry. But he’d been too busy working his ass off to have that kind of privilege. 

So you had met through a friend. You had had a series of meetings in which you learnt as much necessary information about one another that would appease Jaehyun’s family and your very small collection of friends. Though no one on either side was fooled, and though everyone could see the imbalances in this union, you supposed you had done a good enough job because a few weeks later, the papers were signed and you had moved into his apartment with your son in tow.

And your ‘marriage’ had begun.

The apartment wasn’t small by any means. It was as decent a two room space as you’d ever seen and it had a sizable living room as the main common area. You liked that the kitchen opened into a little terrace that made the apartment look bright from the natural light. It was comfortable and homey and in a world where nothing felt like home, this was all you could’ve asked for. However, a part of you recognized that as comfortable as this place was, it still didn’t have the luxury fit for a young heir. Perhaps because this particular heir hadn’t inherited the fortune in question yet. It was still better than any place that you had ever lived in, so you never had much to complain about.

Jaehyun lived quietly in his room. He left early in the morning and came late into the night and your only run-ins (if any) would be on the weekends. Otherwise, Jaehyun was good at making himself invisible, even in his own home.

You would live comfortably in your room with your son. While you had pretty much converted your space into a child’s room, you had been a little more respectful of your common areas and avoided visiting them much if you could help it. Your son didn’t mind… your room was already bigger than any place he’d lived in before. It was okay if he couldn’t spend much time in the living room.

You and your son lived your lives, Jaehyun lived his. You did your part of the cleaning, he did his part. You cooked for your son and yourself, Jaehyun cooked for himself (if ordering takeout counted as cooking). You shared the bills, and you paid your bit of the rent. You hardly even ran into one another, and that’s how you liked it. Both of you would stay clear of one another’s path.

But one Saturday morning, your son had woken you early so you had no choice but to get up and make pancakes. Jaehyun usually slept in on a Saturday, so you knew the coast would be clear when you made it to the kitchen. You brought the high chair out of your room and sat your son on it as you cooked and laid out a lovely weekend breakfast for the two of you on the table on the terrace. But maybe you had been too loud whilst cooking. Maybe your son had giggled too much. Maybe the delicious smell of your cooking had flooded the apartment, because right before you could start eating, you looked up to see Jaehyun stepping into the kitchen.

Wearing a white t-shirt, grey joggers and with bed hair sticking out at odd angles, he stood at the sliding door and said, “Oh, sorry. You guys are having breakfast…”

You looked up, “Uh yeah…” you began, “Do you wanna join?” you added, only to be polite because the man’s eyes were fixated on the food.

Jaehyun looked at the spread on the table and you smiled as he swallowed. It didn’t look like the face of a man that would willingly turn down the offer of a meal. “I’ve made way too much, so please,” you added.

“Oh… thank you. I like… I didn’t have time for dinner last night, so…” he said apologetically as he took a seat on the table. 

Since you had moved in, this was the first time that you had sat together like this for a meal. You were surprised he actually accepted the offer. It should’ve felt awkward, but strangely, Jaehyun felt like more of a friendly presence than most of the people in your life. From him, there were never any judgements or intrusive comments about your choices or your failures or your parenting. The two of you could comfortably coexist without the burden of any sort of a relationship (other than the fact that you were married).

The three of you sat in comfortable silence that would only break when Minki would drop his fork or throw a tiny toddler tantrum asking for more syrup and some of your rice. Jaehyun ate heartily and observed you smiling as you alternated between feeding Minki and yourself.

He cleared his throat, “Um, how come… how come I’ve never seen his baby chair before?”

“Hmm? Oh… I usually take it back to the room in case I need it,” you replied as Minki grabbed your wrist to eat a syrup covered strawberry out of your hand.

“Doesn’t he… like… don’t you keep any of his things in the living room?” Jaehyun asked carefully yet curiously.

“Um… there are too many sharp edges and open sockets around… so I usually don’t let him out here unless it’s like this, to eat,” you explained.

“Oh… right…” Jaehyun nodded, looking back to his plate. He finished the last of his breakfast in silence and looked up. Strangely, in this moment, he felt like he should pay for this meal. Like now that he had eaten, he should ask for the check. The two of you never asked each other for favors; even if it were just a meal. All your accounts were even, down to the slightest of things. You were like two distant roommates, who weren’t held together by a marriage, just cohabitation. 

“Uh…” he looked up, thinking of what to say to take his leave. Maybe he could stock up on the groceries he consumed, but saying it out loud seemed a little inappropriate. So, he went for a politer option, “... thanks for the breakfast. I’m going to head out for the day.” 

You politely nodded and turned back to attending to your son. It was an odd sign off, because unless it directly affected the other, the two of you never had any reason to share your day’s plans like this. But as you would learn, Jeong Jaehyun was full of surprises. Because when you came home from work on Monday evening, you saw that the entire living room had been toddler proofed and a brand new bolster chair sat at the head of the breakfast table for Minki.

You hadn’t meant to iron his shirt for him. But you had run into him in the little laundry area of your apartment and you saw him struggling. 

“Um… do you need a hand?” you asked hesitantly, hoping you weren’t stepping over any boundaries.

“Oh… uh, no, I think I’ll be fine. I’ll just be done in a minute…” he mumbled, trying to touch the edges of the iron onto a bit of the sleeve and effectively burning it. “Shit…” 

You set Minki’s clothes down and became a little bolder in your offer of help. “The setting is too high for polyester,” you offered.

“I tried lowering it,” he answered dejectedly.

“Here, let me do it,” you held your hand out and he looked up.

“I can do it…” he muttered half-heartedly, so you just took the damn shirt from him and stepped in to lower the heat on the iron. You reached under and grabbed yourself a pressing cloth and placed it over it and got to work whilst he stood there, a little bashful and a little awkward.

“Uh… did you come here to do laundry?” he asked as he looked at the clothes you had set down.

“Yeah, I just had some of Minki’s things left to wash,” you replied as you pressed over the tricky fabric of Jaehyun’s shirt.

“I’ll wash them for you,” he replied with purpose and grabbed the clothes and headed for the washer, thinking this would call it even.

“Oh, no, no… you don’t have to do it,” you began, talking to him over your shoulder, “And no, no, no, not in the machine, please. I hand wash his clothes. It’s easier on the fabric,” you tried to tell him to get him to stop.

“Oh… okay… I’ll hand wash them,” he nodded and began to soak the clothes in the sink.

You felt a bit uneasy. You weren’t sure if you were comfortable with the favor or not. You had never allowed anyone to interfere in your business. But Minki’s? No one in this damn world could step in and interfere in his business, not if you could help it. As far as you were concerned, it was you and Minki against the world.

But they were just clothes. You had overstepped a boundary when you grabbed the iron from him. And he was only trying to return the favor because that’s how the two of you worked. There were no favors and no IOUs in this equation. So you flipped around almost instantly and pressed his freshly ironed shirt into his chest.

“Here, all done. Let me do this, because you have to use a different detergent and different water temperatures for baby clothes,” you didn’t look at him and took over the sink almost too quickly. But your tone had done enough to tell Jaehyun to back off and take his leave.

“Um… thanks for the help…” he said before he started walking away. If he had learnt anything from this encounter, it was that you didn’t appreciate help when it came to Minki. It set another invisible boundary amongst the many you two had for each other. But if Jaehyun were being truly honest with himself, this one broke his heart. Just a little.

Your workplace wasn’t exactly the fanciest of establishments. But it paid on time (which in your experience was a pretty important factor to be considered) and your coworkers were nice enough. Considering all the other jobs you had to do before, this one wasn’t too bad. Speaking multiple languages had its advantages, but being a translator was mundane and you spent most of your time in front of a computer. The biggest downside in this place, however, was that the office did not have an on-site daycare. Whilst you met up with HR on a weekly basis, begging them to start something that could help, you were also pretty sure that nothing would happen soon because starting an onsite daycare required spending some money and as of right now, you were the only employee with a toddler. Your only choice was to leave Minki in the daycare down the block. It was the nearest one you could find--but it ate up more of your paycheck than you could afford. 

You had considered getting another job to make ends meet, but the longer you would work, the more money you’d have to pay the daycare. You looked for some work-from-home options and found some and you thought that things would start to look up soon. But then you received your actual paycheck, marked down a percentage because the Covid situation wasn’t kind to anyone, and all you could do was sit at your desk, head in hand.

“How the fuck am I supposed to pay rent this month?” you lamented as dread filled your body.

“I’m sure your husband could give you some leeway this time,” your coworker, Doyoung, cocked an eyebrow. If anyone had the slightest inkling about your situation, it was him. He had found out by accident and had been kind enough never to bring it up. But you had almost been relieved that there was someone in this world with whom you could have a true conversation and the poor guy had begrudgingly become your confidant.

You sighed heavily and felt your eyelids droop as they sometimes would in times of stress. Doyoung saw the anxiety physically weighing you down and took pity on you.

“Hey, you could borrow some money from me,” he offered.

“Doyoung, your own paycheck has been marked down,” you nearly yelled at him in misplaced agitation.

“Yeah, but I don’t have a kid to look after,” he retorted logically.

You sighed again, but gave his offer an actual thought. If you borrowed from him now, you’d have to return it. Who was to say you’d earn that amount of extra money this month or the next to pay him back? This was a bad idea.

“I’ll just… let me think about it, okay?” you sighed yet again and realized that you just needed to get some fresh air.

“Okay, but Y/N… try not to stress too much, okay? You can borrow from me and return like, whenever. It’s not a big deal,” he added empathetically as you got up.

“Yeah…” was all you could offer him because your mind was still busy budgeting and crunching numbers and planning.

You mind ran a million miles an hour as you picked Minki up and took him home. You kept thinking about it as you fed him and bathed him and put him to bed. And later, you couldn’t even sleep because your mind was way too active and all you wanted was for it to be morning time so you could get about finding some more work. When you tried and sleep still didn’t come, you got out of bed and took your laptop out in the living room and started to put some rhyme and reason to your thoughts. You made a budgeting sheet and saw how much of a deficit you were in. Once you had everything down, your mind calmed just a little. The difference wasn’t massive. You even had part of your rent. But you lived paycheck to paycheck. You weren’t like those fortunate ones that could tap into their savings when a problem like this arose. Maybe you could find some work to do online to earn some extra cash and make up the difference next month. You weren’t sure how Jaehyun would react to such a request. You weren’t even sure he’d honor it. But you sat in the living room anyway, waiting for him to come home. You thought about what you’d say to him as you searched about for any and all odd jobs you could do from home.

And soon as you heard the telltale signs of the apartment door being unlocked, you shot up to your feet.

“You’re home,” you remarked and realized in the same moment how everything about this may look and seem. But your night was about to be completely sleepless if you didn’t get to have this conversation now.

“Um… yes… I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” Jaehyun walked in carefully, like an intruder in his own home.

“Oh, no, I was just, um… I was waiting for you,” you said and saw the surprise in his tired eyes. The man wasn’t expecting to come home to something like this, that was for certain. You were usually in bed by this time, and Jaehyun typically dined on takeout or at least cracked open a beer before he went to bed. But you, still up, waiting on him? That was new.

“Oh… did you… did you want something?” he asked.

“Yeah, um… the thing is, um… do you wanna sit down?” you at least had the decency to ask because the poor man had literally just stepped in. He hadn’t even had the chance to take his shoes off before you had caught him off guard. So he nodded and did just that, although undoing one’s shoelaces seems more complicated a task when there is an audience. You had the good sense to look away when you saw his fingers lose their dexterity under your scrutiny. You used that time to take a few deep breaths instead. 

He sat down then, his expression confused and waiting, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s okay, it’s just, um… my… my paycheck came today…” you began, taking a moment to think to formulate your next thoughts.

“Okay… that’s… that’s good…” was all Jaehyun could answer.

“Um… because of… because of Covid… it was a little marked down. So, like…” you took another deep breath and centered yourself so you could be a little more eloquent, “... basically, I’m a little behind on rent this month. I can pay two-thirds of it right now. But I’ve found some work and I’ll be able to pay you back the difference with next month’s rent. I just wanted to ask if I could do that. If not, I’ll have to take a loan from a friend, but I just thought to ask you before I… did that…” you finished, losing steam a little bit towards the end as you studied his face.

Jaehyun heard your words and tried to ground himself and really think about how he’d reply. Because truth be told, he was a little bit drunk. His father had asked him to take a foreign delegation out for dinner and he had downed a couple of drinks too many. He wasn’t hammered, but he wasn’t completely sober either. What you had told him seemed to be bothering you, and Jaehyun didn’t want to be the asshole that said the absolute worst thing in times like these. So he thought about his words through the haze that was slowing everything down for him.

Except you didn’t know he was drunk. All you saw was a man that was lost in thought. You felt your heart sinking and your pride swelling, so you said,

“I’ll just--”

At the same time he said, 

“You don’t--”

There was a beat of silence in which you took another deep breath so your face wouldn’t harden to the point of impoliteness. But Jaehyun spoke again,

“You don’t have to make up the difference.”

“Oh, no, I will. It’s just this month. I will make up the difference,” you pressed.

But Jaehyun looked at you and waited a moment before he spoke carefully, “Did your boss say how long the cuts in paycheck would last?”

“I…” you began because you hadn’t actually asked. You had been too stressed about the right now to think too much about the future. “I didn’t ask.”

“Most companies are struggling in this climate. This might keep happening for the next few months,” Jaehyun explained, but before he could elaborate, you stubbornly added,

“I’ll look for another job till then so it won’t happen again. I’ll pay full rent on time from next month, I promise.”

“Yes, but if you get another job, you’ll have to pay more for Minki’s daycare, won’t you?” Jaehyun tried to reason. But the more he reasoned, the angrier it made you because of course you knew all of this, but didn’t want to hear it. Especially not from his mouth, and especially when it came to Minki’s expenses. Who the fuck was he to speculate about the money you did or didn’t spend on your son?

“You don’t have to worry about that. All I’m asking for is a little margin for this month,” you said and you tried to clip your curt tone, because annoyed as you were, you were asking him a favor.

Jaehyun thought about how he was going to make his next offer. He knew you were a woman of pride. He knew you weren’t good at accepting help or any sort of a freehand. So he thought of how to offer help in a way that would make it sound suitable for you. Where you wouldn’t feel burdened by goodwill. But the alcohol in his brain was making it so damn hard to think right.

“Y/N… you don’t have to pay the rent…” he began stupidly.

“I can, just like, two-thirds--” you repeated stubbornly but Jaehyun cut you off because you weren’t getting the point.

“No, I mean… you don’t have to pay me rent while we’re… while we’re under this contract,” he finally laid it out.

“Jaehyun, look… this is just an inconvenience this month. I don’t need like…” you looked away to steady yourself so you wouldn’t raise your voice. You knew he was only trying to help, but you didn’t need anyone’s pity or charity, “... I don’t need your help.”

Jaehyun sat up straight, but instead of taking offense, he tried to choose what he thought was the logical route. “Look, Y/N. I’m not trying to help you. I’m just saying that the both of us wanted some benefits from this marriage. This is my apartment. You living in it isn’t incurring any extra expense on me. Also, we don’t have anything in the contract about rent,” he reasoned.

“Jaehyun. I don’t want to be in your debt,” and this time, you couldn’t hold back the venom in your tone. That made Jaehyun sober up some. And his eyes turned colder, too.

“You won’t be in my debt. Our marriage has to be mutually beneficial, Y/N. You don’t have to pay the rent. But in return…”

“In return?” 

“You’ll have to come with me to the investors dinner. They’ve been wanting to meet my wife,” he looked at you and the ice in his eyes matched yours. You didn’t want his kindness, so be it. He was going to play tit-for-tat. You asked for a favor and he would ask for a favor in return. No debts and no IOUs.

You looked away and considered it. It felt vile. It felt perverse. It felt like you were being asked to offer a service in exchange for a roof over your head. Like an escort, a woman for hire.

But you weren’t Jaehyun’s escort. For all intents and purposes, you were his wife. And from the onset of this union, you had agreed to accompany him anywhere he’d be required to bring his wife to save face. He had promised the same for you, though places you required a husband were far different (town halls and tax offices were definitely not the same as investor parties). 

‘Think about your child, Y/N,’ your right mind pleaded at you, fighting with your pride. ‘Think about all the money you could save for him. For Minki,’ and right away, the ice in your stature began to melt. Why hold onto stupid pride when this was your reality? You were a single mother, you were struggling financially, and your husband was giving you a way out. 

“Let me know when,” you said shortly and went straight to your room, leaving him behind.

That night as you laid in bed, watching Minki’s tiny silhouette in the dark, you cried hot tears into your pillow. You had never thought life would bring you here. You never thought that this is what you would have to do to survive. Why did you feel like you were about to sell your body to a rich man just so you wouldn’t have to spend the nights on the streets with your child? Why didn’t you feel like a respectable wife of a respectable man in a respectable situation?

Because he wasn’t your true husband and you weren’t his true wife and this wasn't a true circumstance. You had just signed some papers that had given you the title of someone’s wife. You had simply escaped the title of an escort based on a technicality. And that awful realization broke you that night.

Jaehyun had the good sense to not comment on how you looked that evening. 

Even when you had stood at the door, waiting to leave, done up all pretty, he knew better than to say something. These days, he wasn’t sure what he’d say to offend you. So he spoke only when absolutely necessary. The fact that you looked beautiful wasn’t going to change that. 

These days, he would try to be as invisible to you as possible, in his own home. You weren’t too fond of him as a companion, that much he had always known. What he didn’t expect was the relationship to sour with age, at least from your side. Then again, you had much more to protect than he did. The least he could do was stay out of your way, if his very presence brought you discomfort.

What he didn’t know was that in the past few days, you had done some repentance. Why were you so prideful, you had wondered. Was it because your pride had been hurt so many times that you were holding onto what was left of it with all you had? Your luck was awful, this arrangement was awful and the situation was awful; but one thing you had realized was that Jaehyun didn’t deserve to be at the receiving end of your wrath. He had never been the one to put you in tough situations. He had always been your way out. Perhaps that’s what hurt your pride the most.

You don’t really remember how you had arrived at this conclusion. Because in the past few days, your emotions had cycled between being increasingly annoyed at him to increasingly feeling embarrassed for lashing out at him that night. The fact that your hormones were raging out of control these days had nothing to do with it. But you had realized that Jaehyun was perhaps one of the few people offering you any type of kindness in this world; and you’d be an idiot to get on this man’s bad side.

So tonight, you tried extra hard to be nice to him. And by the time you were at the dinner, you didn’t have to try that hard. It was nice to have a night out, without work, and without Minki. Earlier in the day, Jaehyun had even given you the option to pick between a few babysitters. He had found them a couple of days ago and despite your stupid pride telling you otherwise, you had been a little impressed. And that feeling had swollen when he meekly told you,

“I, uh… I installed nanny cams around the house. If you give me your phone, I’ll be able to connect them to you so you’d be able to check in on Minki whenever.”

You had given him your phone and when your mind was inwardly appreciating the gesture, you pulled yourself together and asked your brain for a hard stop. ‘You have no reason to be impressed. We wouldn’t need a babysitter if it weren’t for his party,’ you told yourself. But the hard stop didn’t come and you ended up being moved, despite your better judgement. 

And now you were left admitting that you indeed needed a night off. You don’t remember the last time you had dressed up or gone out without Minki in your arms. It was strange to sit and eat the food and actually taste it. Not even the judgmental gazes of the people around you fazed you that much. Because the questions they asked, you had already foreseen.

“So how did you guys meet?” you were inevitably asked. You and Jaehyun had revised this in the car several times on your way here.

“Oh, a friend introduced us,” you replied, and there was truth in what you had said. Johnny Suh had indeed introduced you, though you’re sure he had expected a more traditional outcome from the meeting--that you’d date and fall in love. This strange contract of convenience may not have been on his mind when he matched the two of you.

But you held onto this story whenever you got the question and for the most part, you got through it, even if your traitor eyes kept darting across the space in search of Jaehyun because you weren’t sure you were providing answers that were the right sort of correct. And when he did rejoin you by your side, you felt an odd sense of comfort. How ironic it was that in the privacy of your home, you lived like strangers. But out here in the open, you gravitated towards one another. Perhaps because your lies protected you when you harbored next to one another.

Be as it may, it wouldn’t take a mindreader to tell you what most people in this party thought of you: you were a gold-digger. You were the woman with a child that had bagged a pretty eligible bachelor. You weren’t of a notable background, you didn’t have that fancy a job; just a girl that had shot above her grade and gotten lucky when the shot hit bullseye.

For some reason, this assessment (though no one had been brave enough to voice it) irked you. Because your marriage to Jaehyun might have had several ulterior motives, but his gold had never been one of them. Ironically, it was the other way round--Jaehyun’s marriage to you was to help him secure his fortune. But of course, these people weren’t going to question the young heir. A young single mother without a penny to her name was the more likely suspect.

That was when you found yourself being impressed by Jaehyun for the second time today. Because he artfully switched the narrative anytime the questions got too intrusive, saying 

“Honestly, I’m so lucky Y/N even gave me a chance,” or some iteration of this humble statement that made it seem like he had pursued you rather than the other way round as was on everyone’s mind. Not for a single moment did he allow anyone to question your integrity or your motive or your dignity. He wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly why each power hungry asshole in this room wanted to question you. But he utterly surprised you when he pressed a kiss to your cheek and said,

“I just feel so blessed. I can’t believe I have a little family of my own now.”

You knew it was for their benefit. You knew this was all part of the act. But perhaps you hadn’t been this close to a man in ages, because the gesture made your stomach do a flip and your skin burn.

‘Pull yourself together!’ you mentally berated yourself. But your body betrayed you, even as the two of you made the drive home. This time, you felt Jaehyun’s presence next you in an almost chemical sense. You felt the scent of him heavy in the car. You felt the heat of him as you stood behind him when he unlocked the apartment door and paid off the babysitter. 

And you realized. He was a man. The person you lived with under the ruse of a marriage… he was a man. And you were a woman.

Truth be told, you hadn’t been with a man since Minki’s father. But you were a woman. And Jaehyun was a man. And your hormones had been raging. 

What difference did it make? You were married, anyway. What difference would it make if you just…

If you just what? What would you even do? What would you even say? You had spent most of your marriage pretending he didn’t exist. And this had amplified in the past week after you’d lashed out on him. So, how on earth were you going to bring this up?

Were you honestly considering sleeping with the man you’d near-insulted in his own home? You were right. You were horny out of your right mind. You just needed to take a cold shower and call it a night.

“I’ve been thinking…” Jaehyun’s deep voice reverberated in the air between the two of you and broke through your lewd thoughts.

“Hmm?” 

“Umm… the thing is… I’ve been going through our contract…” you notice Jaehyun shuffling his feet a little.

“Oh?”

“Yeah… just for, like… just to review some things, and… I was just like… looking at some cases and… I just think, legally speaking, that our contract--our… our marriage has some loopholes. I just mean that there could be a time where someone might… although I don’t know how they would, but someone could… you know, there's always people looking in. And like, a contract is only as strong as the details, and someone could question… although, I don’t really know how, but I think we should do something about it,” by the time Jaehyun finished, his ears were burnt a bright red, like he was embarrassed at how poorly he had communicated what he wanted to say. Nothing he said made sense.

But you weren’t an idiot. You knew exactly what he was saying. Your body knew what he was saying. The heat in your core knew what he was saying. Perhaps your pride is the one that spoke, because it wasn’t prepared for the consequences of being wrong.

“I’m not following…” you played tactfully dumb.

“I just mean… our marriage is voidable, because… because well… it… we’ve got to,” Jaehyun looked away, the rest of his face burning with his ears, “Nevermind. We can discuss this in the morning.”

But you didn’t want to wait for the clarity that morning would bring. You didn’t want to wake up and realize how awful an idea this was. You didn’t want the endorphin rush the night out together had brought in to disappear and put you in your right mind. You were a woman and he was a man. And you both wanted sex. So just as he turned away, you grabbed his hand.

“Do you have a condom?”

“Yes, in my medicine cabinet,” Jaehyun replied, too quickly, too eagerly. You almost smiled at his reaction, but decided to nod your head instead. 

“I’ll see you in twenty minutes?” 

“Yes… yes, please… take your time,” Jaehyun answered and respectfully waited till you went in and closed the door to your room. 

Your heart was racing. You allowed yourself to lose your composure for a few moments just to pull yourself together again. You held a hand to your heart to help you breathe. This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea. But there would never be a better time, or a better opportunity. You didn’t have work in the morning. Your son was fast asleep. Your chores were complete. Your bills were paid.

But most of all, you were a woman in need and he was a willing man. He was a safe man, a man whom--despite your strange arrangement--you could trust. He was a decent enough person, he had never disrespected you, and the two of you were in the safety of your own home. In the grand scheme of things, this was all that was required of a prospective sexual partner. It’s not like you could curb your hunger in other ways. You hadn’t dated in three years. You weren’t brave enough for one night stands with strangers. This was as safe a risk as you could take.

Before you knew it, your body had made up your mind because you were headed to the bathroom. You needed to wash up. Thank God you had just shaved this morning. You ran a washcloth under your arms and between your legs and nearly burnt your face off half to death when you opened your underwear drawer and realized that Jeong Jaehyun was going to see you in one of them. You picked a relatively safe one. Not that you had sexy lingerie anyway. But you put it on with your face still burning hot and a nightie over it and a dressing gown over that. 

‘This is happening,’ you said to yourself as you swiped a fresh coat of tint over your lips. By the time you went out and knocked on his door, your heart had calmed some. This was a need, just like food or water or air. You were a woman, and you just had a need. There was nothing wrong with having a need.

Jaehyun opened the door then with an awkward “Hi,” and let you into his room. He closed the door.

You had only seen his room once or twice, and you could tell that in the time you were washing up, he was cleaning up. He had lit a single scented candle (probably the only one he owned) and laid out a bottle of something with a couple of shot glasses.

“I thought… just in case we needed some courage,” he said, carefully pouring the drinks out. He held the glass out for you and you gladly accepted it, downing whatever it was in one go. And it did the trick because you cut off Jaehyun in the middle of his sentence and captured his lips with yours. You needed less talking and more action, because you were convinced all the talking was going to make you change your mind.

And Jaehyun put his arms around your shoulders because he’d just been meaning to ask you how you wanted to go about this. Whether he could even kiss you, or whether it was off limits. He doesn’t know why that had occurred to him. But nothing about the two of you was traditional. You were married, but you weren’t a couple. You lived together, but separately. You were in one another’s lives, but you were not. So, who was to say if you wanted the sex, but not the kissing? 

But here you were, and you had taken the lead. It had always been your choice. It was always going to be your choice. Jaehyun knew you were always going to set the boundaries in this relationship. And you were going to set the pace tonight.

And set it you did. You kissed him while the alcohol ran in your veins and added fuel to your desire. You smelt the aftershave on him. You inhaled the cologne on his neck. Then you stepped away and turned your back to him. For a moment, he wondered if you had thought better of it and were leaving. Then he saw you pull at the tie at your nightgown and flip the lights off and turn back to him, just in time for Jaehyun to catch sight of the satin against your delicate skin. 

You wondered if you needed another shot, but this was okay. He was letting you set the pace. You felt in control of the situation. This you could manage. You didn’t need the alcohol. So, you pulled him in by the back of his neck and kissed him again. You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him till you believed, truly believed that this was happening.

“You have the condom?” you breathed out and Jaehyun stuttered a bit, taken aback that it had come to this so quick. He felt something he had experienced as a child when he had to speak into a microphone in front of the entire school. It was stage fright. It was performance anxiety. Because he wasn’t sure if he could perform his best tonight--it had been far too long since he had done this sort of thing.

“Uh, yeah, it’s right there…” he pointed to the nightstand next to the drinks.

“Okay… do you need some help?” you looked down at his crotch almost inconsiderately and he felt his ears burn. 

“Uh, just… give me a moment…” he muttered, and now it was his turn to turn his back to you. He unzipped himself quickly and tried to pump his semi to full hardness. He tried to hold back the grunts, but he felt your presence behind him. You had found the lube on the nightstand and had slicked your palm with it.

“Here, let me…” you said and took him in your hand and Jaehyun didn’t have much time to react. He closed his eyes and his head fell back of its own accord and he bit his bottom lip just to suppress the keen he knew he’d let out.

Fuck, he didn't remember the last time a girl had touched him this way. This was much, much sweeter than his own left hand that had been his only companion for way too long.

“Here, sit down,” you offered and he nodded. You both sat at the edge of the bed; your face was focused as you worked on him, pumping him with purpose. Pumping him for a function. And then, what you did next took him utterly by surprise and he didn’t have time to bite back the trembling moan that escaped him. Because you had taken him in your mouth at the tip while your hand pumped the rest of him.

You hadn’t meant to blow him. You had decided you wouldn’t do that when you had come in. But he looked like he needed help. Maybe he needed more time to ward off the nerves and get hard enough, but the selfish part of you wanted to keep things rolling. Perhaps you wanted to keep things as functionally motivated as possible. Like this union. Like what had brought you to his bed in the first place. A primal need, and a voidable contract.

For what it’s worth, he looked like he was enjoying himself. Because he wasn’t stopping you, and he was moaning out. What man wouldn’t enjoy being sucked? You were doing him a favor. 

When he looked and felt hard enough, you stood up to rid yourself of the gown, and he sat up to regain his breath. He held his cock at the base for some respite and pressed his lips together to suppress the groan that would escape at seeing your lipstick stain around his leaking tip. How did you want to do this, he wanted to ask, but his mind was eased because the next thing you said was,

“Can I be on top? I just think it might be easier.”

“Yes… yes, of course. Um… do you mind if I… um, scoot up a bit?” Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he’d do with himself if you rode him just like that, seated at the edge of the bed. He wasn’t sure he’d last. He needed to sit back and relax himself. 

“Yeah, good idea,” you muttered and climbed in his bed with him. 

This was it. The point of no return. There was no going back from here. Maybe you should’ve taken that shot. But now Jaehyun was sitting back against the headboard and his cock was laying heavy against his belly, staining his shirt in precum, and you’re not sure you could resist. So you joined him and lifted his shirt over his head. 

He was more built than you realized, and you let your mind focus on that to chase away the nerves. He was a man. He wasn’t just your flatmate or contractual husband. Right now, he was a man with an aching cock and a chiseled chest. You’d never known a man to willingly turn down sex. You weren’t being selfish in your need. You could tell he needed this, too, gentlemanly as he was being.

You handed him the foil and he took it, as if remembering this was something that had to be done. Or had he expected you to cover him? You weren’t sure. But you needed him distracted so you could rid yourself of the underwear under your nightie. And when all was set, you straddled his lap. You held his length. You gripped at the sheet. You gasped. And you tried.

Jaehyun, who had his eyes shut in preparation, heard the effort in your gasps.

“Do you need help?” he offered, sitting up and almost reaching with his fingers to your core but you stopped him.

“No, it’s just… it’s been a while. Just let me…” you reached a hand under your nightie and rubbed yourself some, careful not to moan too much. Not to let yourself go too much. 

“I can…” Jaehyun reached again, wondering if his touch would work on you like yours had worked on him. But you weren't as generous as he had been.

“No, I got this. Just hold on,” you grabbed his length and rubbed his tip along your slit, as if to appease him, as if to show him that you were taking his help well enough. Jaehyun held himself at the base with one hand and placed his other hand respectfully at your waist, to offer any sort of help he was allowed. Then he finally felt your warmth on him as you began to open up to him. 

You couldn’t help it. You brought your hands to his shoulders and he brought his hands to the curve of your hips. You couldn’t hold back the first few gasps, but neither could he. Here you were, two people who hadn’t known intimacy in much too long. Two people that were married to one another, no less. Rusty and struggling, but finally making it.

Jaehyun’s eyes squeezed shut again and he tried his best not to move. To let you set the pace. But you were so fucking tight. Your warmth was making him feel things his hand could not. How amazing it was, being this close to an actual woman. He didn’t realize when his fingers started digging into the flesh of your hips or when you started moving on him faster.

You were gasping shorter, and Jaehyun opened his eyes, just to take it in. Your eyes were closed, your lips parted. You were moving your hips on him so sensually that for a moment, Jaehyun was pretty sure he was going to come right there and then. How amazing it was to see you in this way. It was strange; Jaehyun felt like a peeping Tom, though he was just as part of the act as you were. Then why did looking at you on top of him feel so perverse?

You felt good. It was nice to feel like a woman. To acknowledge you had a sexual appetite. And to have the hunger be quenched in a primal way. To do it in a safe space, with a safe man, with no consequences. It wasn’t a crime to sleep with your husband. What was marriage if not sex and a contract? This was fine.

“I’m just gonna…” you slowed your pace a bit just to rub your fingers on your clit. You needed to get off because you could feel Jaehyun coming to the brink. 

“Do you want me to…” Jaehyun asked, and as if on instinct, you almost turned him down once again. But you needed more. You needed the touch of a man just as much you needed his cock, no matter how much you were denying it. You nodded so you wouldn’t have to admit it in words and Jaehyun brought his thumb to your nub and rubbed.

That did it.

You trembled and held his shoulders in your grip and released yourself. You felt the pleasure coursing through your belly, and if you smiled through the orgasm, you didn’t stop yourself. It felt nice, to finally feel euphoria in this way.

It didn’t help Jaehyun that he felt your wetness coating him.

“I’m gonna come,” he warned so you’d get off of him and he could pump himself in his hand and empty himself into the wrapper. You watched his seed cloud the thin skin of the condom and you felt another curious need in your belly. But you looked away and let him finish.

The two of you sat there for a few moments, just to thin out the dense haze of sex in your beings.

‘So that happened,’ you thought to yourself. You turned to sit at the edge of the bed and slipped your underwear back on and heard Jaehyun zip himself back up.

What now, you wondered. Do you cuddle? Do you kiss goodbye? Do you thank one another? None of it made sense.

“If you want to--” he began.

“I should--” you harmonized.

Then you got up. 

“I should shower and go to bed,” you spoke.

“Alright,” Jaehyun said gently, then got out of bed, almost as if to see you out. “Let me know if you need anything,” he said, though he didn’t know what he meant by that. It felt wrong to just let you go like that, so unceremoniously. You had just had sex for the first time. Surely, there was something he could do to put you at ease?

“Good night,” was all you said as you took your leave. And perhaps the only thing he could do to put you at ease in this moment was to leave you alone.

It’s not that simple. It is never that simple.

Perhaps it’s why the two of you started consummating your marriage more often than you realized. It couldn’t possibly have been as simple as a one-off. 

After that night, the two of you had been far too disappointed in how you had performed. You tried not to be too irrationally upset at yourself. Neither of you had been intimate with another person in far too long… being as rusty as you were would almost be expected. So, perhaps you both wanted a chance at redemption, and thus you found one another again. 

As it turned out, practice did indeed make perfect. Because your next few times were much less awkward than that painstaking first time. The next few times started to feel more natural as your bodies started to learn more about one another and you discovered what the other liked and disliked. You have no idea how you had come to this place in your dynamic, where you were finding yourself in his bed over and over again. But who were you kidding? You were usually the one to instigate this conversation each time. Waiting for him to return home from work and then following him to his bed. Texting him in the middle of the night to ask if he was still awake and then knocking on his door when he would say that he was. 

Now, Jaehyun wasn’t just providing you a roof over your head, or the protection that came from this marriage. He also provided sex when you had the need. Jaehyun had never turned down any request you had made before. And he was hard pressed not to turn down any request you made of him now, though the nature of your requests was becoming consequentially more unspeakable. Still, he never denied you and invited you to his bed every time you asked till the most carnal parts of you were satisfied.

One night, you had felt so spent that you collapsed on his chest and didn’t realize that you had knocked right off till the sound of Minki’s crying in the next room woke you up. You had never spent the night in his bed before that, and you were careful not to since then. But it happened on yet another night and you were woken up in exactly the same manner, only this time, Jaehyun whispered,

“I’ll check on him. You keep sleeping,” and shot up. You’d been so goddamn tired that night, that you allowed yourself to make this mistake, at least for one night. You allowed Jaehyun to check on your son while you got uninterrupted sleep, and uninterrupted sleep is often the greatest favor one can offer a young mother. 

And that was the night Jaehyun realized that you were starting to trust him just a little more. Because you had never let him help out with your son before. As he picked Minki up and the boy easily laid his head on his shoulder, Jaehyun felt the sort of warmth he had always craved his entire life. Was this what it felt like to be a father? To be a husband? He wasn’t sure, but he never wanted to let this feeling go.

He softly paced and rubbed the little boy’s back till he went back to sleep. For the first time in his entire life, Jaehyun finally felt like he had a family. He tucked Minki in and went back to lay next to your sleeping form. He moved a strand of hair away from your face, just so he could look at you. You were his family. You and Minki. Jaehyun vowed to protect the both of you in heart, not just in contract. 

But that’s what it was, after all. A contract marriage. Because a few days later, you came up to him with a request he hadn’t expected. 

“Could I have the number of the babysitter you called that day?” you asked.

“Sure, I’ll text it to you. Why do you need a babysitter?” he asked, though he wasn’t sure if he was out of line in asking the question.

“Um, I… I’m going out for a drink tonight,” you replied.

“On your own?” Jaehyun asked out of curiosity. It was the most intrusive conversation he had had with you, ever. 

“No, with Doyoung from work.”

Jaehyun didn’t ask any further questions after that. 

He had been right. It was always going to be your choice. You may live together. You may be married by law. You might have sex from time to time. But in your equation, it was still not enough to make you a couple. Because you still hadn’t decided if you were a couple let alone made that request of him. And Jaehyun had never turned down any request you had ever made.

It wasn’t exactly the first time you and Doyoung had grabbed a drink after work. It was just the first time you had done so on a weekend, where it was just the two of you. He had asked, and you had no idea why you had said yes. Perhaps because you were an awful person. Because you knew saying yes would lead him on, but you did so anyway just so you could have a break from your life.

You were developing a wonderful knack for using the people around you. It had started with Jaehyun and when you experienced how good it felt, it escalated to everyone around you. You saw what men wanted from you and you began to weaponize your sexuality. You used Jaheyun’s loneliness against him to get what you wanted--sex or anything else. And you used Doyoung’s crush on you against him to give yourself a few hours of respite. 

In a fucked up way, you had justified your use of these men. Because you were just giving them what they really wanted, and they were pretty selfish in those needs, too. Doyoung pretended to be your friend, but he clearly had deeper expectations despite knowing your situation. He couldn’t possibly be nice to you out of the kindness of his heart. No man offered kindness to a woman without wanting something in return. Saying yes to his date was just going to bring you a welcome change of pace. And in return, he’d also get what he wanted.

He had taken you to a nicer bar, not your usual place, just so the two of you could feel you were on an actual date, not just a hangout after work. You actually enjoyed yourself some. Doyoung was easy on the eyes and had a pleasant enough personality, even if he tried too hard sometimes. You supposed you had been using him even before saying yes to this date. He was your only confidant, the only person you’d talk to about your situation, even though you could tell he had a crush on you. But you were lonely and he heard you, begrudgingly or otherwise. You’d tell him most facts about your arrangement, though you hadn’t told him that you’d started sleeping with your contract husband. That was a fact you were only going to admit to yourself.

When you left the bar and started walking down the street together, you felt Doyoung reach for your hand. And you gave it to him. When he asked if you wanted to go to his apartment for some tea, you said yes. You had no idea why you were being so reckless.

But here you were. Leaning on the edge of the kitchen counter of your coworker, in an apartment where he lived alone. The risk of the unknown was fueling your veins with adrenaline and suddenly, you wanted to play with fire. You should’ve seen it coming when he leaned in to kiss you. You had almost taken him by the hand and led him to this moment. When his lips touched yours, you even kissed him back. You were drunk in the power you had over this man.

‘Stop it. Stop it right now!’ your mind screamed at you. But your body had other ideas. Your body allowed Doyoung to grab your wrists on the kitchen counter and lean over you and kiss you. Your body accepted as his hands started travelling up the dip of your waist. Your body even let out an inviting exhale as his lips moved down to the side of your neck. Wouldn’t it be nice? To be bent right over this counter and be taken by this man? He liked you well enough. He wanted you. He had maybe wanted you all this time. You’d make him a happy man and you’d satisfy your hungry body. He might still like you at the end of it.

Or he might think you’re an easy woman who lives with a contractual husband and spreads her legs for any man on the first date. 

It was your pride that pushed against his chest and pulled him off.

“Doyoung…” you looked away.

“Sorry…” he whispered, inhaling then pursing his lips together. Like he wanted to say something else, but was trying real hard to hold himself back. You searched his face, because for what it’s worth, you didn’t want him to be upset with you. You didn’t want to lose your only confidant. So you offered,

“I’m married…” but it was maybe the wrong thing to say because Doyoung basically exploded at you.

“You don’t even love him! It’s not a real marriage!” he stepped away from you and ran his fingers through his hair in agitation.

“Doyoung…” you reached for his arm. He didn’t flinch away, which could’ve been a good sign. But when he spoke, his voice seemed strained. Like he was holding back tears. 

“I could make you happy,” he said.

Fuck. 

You finally realized that you had gone too far in your stupid game. As if in a sudden moment of clarity, you realized that he was an actual human being. And you’d been toying with his feelings. You hadn’t known how deep his feelings went, but toy with them you had. 

You looked at him regretfully. “No one can make me happy, Doyoung.”

“You know I’d try,” he said and this time he moved away from your touch and put some space between the two of you. “I could try keeping you happy… and Minki…” he spoke with the face of a brokenhearted man. Your heart clenched. It was nice to know you still had a heart after all you’d been doing. 

“You deserve so much more,” you shook your head. It made him scoff.

“I don’t know what I deserve,” he whispered, then stormed past you and into his room. He slammed the door shut.

You returned home that night, feeling like shit. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you needed comforting. So, after you had put Minki to bed, you sent Jaehyun the inevitable text.

‘Are you awake?’ you texted, and you waited.

‘No,’ he replied.

You stared at the message.

‘No,’ it read. A simple word. He had refused you. In one simple word, he turned you down. How strange this word felt, how curt, how novel. Jaehyun had never told you no.

But Jaehyun was another man whose heart you were hell bent on breaking. Guess he was smarter in how he protected it.

What was it that people said about the taste of your own medicine? It couldn’t possibly be sweet. Because you experienced the bitterness of it in the next few days to come. Your days became lonely but your nights became lonelier. 

If you were being honest, you felt the bitterness most from Doyoung. Perhaps because you had been more cruel to him than you’d been to Jaehyun. You realized now that the man genuinely liked you by how badly his pride had been hurt. He spent the next few days staying out of your way. He didn’t stop by your desk with a morning coffee for you. He didn’t ask if you wanted to have lunch together. He didn’t come along to any after-work gatherings if you were in them. He turned his cheek if you ever crossed paths. He pretended you weren’t there to the point where it became obvious to your other coworkers that the two of you had a falling out. Of course, in this twisted world, there was only one reason for a man and a woman to have a falling out, or at least that's what the rumors around you started to say. You would’ve been annoyed had the rumors been wrong. But they were all true. Doyoung did nothing to stop them. He wasn’t obligated to anymore. He used to be the one person who would always come to your defense if you ever became the victim of gossip or intrusive questions. But you had freed him of that obligation. He wasn’t your friend or your confidant anymore. Your arrogance had made sure of it.

You almost wanted Jaehyun to dose you with venom of the same potency that Doyoung was giving you. But you weren’t so lucky. Because Jaehyun’s idea of giving you the cold shoulder was a little more mature. All he really did was restore your relationship back to how it used to be before you began warming his bed. As if all those nights spent in heat beneath his sheets hadn’t even happened. Like you had never bared your bodies to one another, like you were back to what you were supposed to be. And what you were supposed to be was two people living under the same roof, practically as strangers because of whatever fucked up contract that was going to mutually benefit the both of you. That’s what you had wanted, wasn’t it?

Despite your better judgement and your ever present pride, you had in fact asked him for sex a second time since he had refused you. And you had been turned down yet again. How strange it was, losing that power over him. Over both of them. What illogical power trip had you been on in the first place that made you treat these men like the dirt on your shoe? How did that power even come to you? Did it come with the security of a roof over your head? Did that come from knowing that you’d finally given your son a better life? Did it come from you finally having the luxury to think beyond the primal need of survival? Was this who you were when you weren’t destitute and struggling?

Funny thing was, your libido didn’t even bother you since the second time you got turned down. How peculiar it was that just a few days ago, you had considered getting sex from two different men in the same night. It was a stranger discovery knowing that perhaps you felt this way because… you didn’t want sex from any other man. Because Jaehyun had never thrown any of your weaknesses in your face. Despite refusing you, he let you keep your dignity. You weren’t sure many other men would offer you that much slack.

It was in the way your heart did a somersault when he knocked on your door one evening. You all but jumped to answer, but didn’t know what to say when you saw his face, this up close after a long while.

“I’m sorry… did I interrupt something?” he asked, as politely as ever.

“Oh, no, we were just playing with crayons,” you looked over your shoulder to see Minki scribbling away.

“Oh, okay. Um, the thing is, I wanted to ask you something but I didn’t want to do it over text. It was kind of important,” he began and he spoke with purpose.

“Everything okay?” you asked, the awkwardness you felt being chased away by concern.

“Yes, actually. So, my father’s Will Signing is next week,” he began.

Oh. 

“My entire family will be there. Um… you have to come with me,” he said the last bit with some discomfort, perhaps because the way he put it made it seem like you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t, not in this case.

“Of course…” you said in maybe the softest tone you had ever taken with him.

“Great. I’ll send you the details,” he said and nodded as a sign off. But just before he turned, something came over you and you took his hand.

“Jaehyun…”

“Hmm?” he didn’t look at you.

“Are you… okay?” you asked, tipping your head to the side, just so you could see his face. This was a big moment, one he had been preparing for for as long as you had known him. How did he feel?

He inhaled for a brief moment before he turned his head to look at you. “Yes,” he nodded with politeness. And then he disappeared into his room.

A week later, you sat beside him in the presence of his family and his lawyers and his witnesses and God and saw as his wealthy father signed his will and declared Jaehyun as the inheritor of his business after him and the new CEO of his company. You stood by him as people thumped him on the back and congratulated him (for whatever reason). You saw as people smiled at him with daggers in their eyes. You bowed politely when his father told you that you’d made an honest man out of him and you smiled and nodded when his mother spoke of the responsibilities that came with being the “first lady” of the Jeong Group of Companies. 

It was a bizarre evening, and when the drink and food started rolling out, you weren’t sure this was something to celebrate. Everyone in here was a vulture that wanted a piece of whatever they could scavenge after this man died, and they did so whilst eating and drinking away in luxury. Your husband, so to speak, had now been placed at the top of the food chain, with the first call on the body and the biggest chunk of the meat. You supposed you should be happy.

But as you drove back home with him that night, you stared out the window with an uneasiness in the pit of your stomach that wouldn’t go away no matter how much you tried. These feelings were familiar because they used to be your constant companions before you met Jaehyun. You felt the uncertainty about what the next day would bring. You felt the guilt of being a lacking mother to your son. You felt the shivering anxiety of an undetermined outcome.

Because Jeong Jaehyun was now legally the inheritor of the Jeong Group of Companies. He had received what he had hoped he would get out of this marriage. He had no reason to continue on with the contract anymore. And that knowledge filled you with dread deep in your bones.

Minki had always been a good boy. By any definition of the phrase, you had lucked out. This boy ate well, played well, slept well and lived well. He very seldom threw tantrums you couldn’t handle. He was well-mannered with the people around him. He never went wandering about the apartment without you, and he followed the boundaries you had set for him. 

But today was an unusual day, for more reasons than you could handle. Today, Minki had been crying and screaming his lungs out, and you had no idea what to do. You held him in your arms and paced around and rubbed his back, but nothing you’d do or say would make anything okay. Someone had once told you that toddlers tend to absorb the emotions of their caregiver. And you knew today that it was right. He absorbed your emotions, because he couldn’t possibly have known what had hit you this morning. How could he know? All he could do was scream and cry at the uneasiness his instincts were inflicting on him.

Your son had never had too many meltdowns that you could remember. And when he did have one, you had always known how to handle it. Yet, despite knowing exactly what was happening, despite knowing that to calm him, you needed to breathe, you found yourself in a vicious cycle. The more he cried, the more agitated you became; the more on edge you were, the louder he cried. 

You knew how to calm your son. You knew that for sure. But what could you do? How could you tell a toddler to go easy on you because of what was impending on you?

Your brain was a tangled mess. How could you calm him when there was a storm building in your own chest? How could you dial your energy down when every bit of your body was on edge? You just wanted to give up and cry. You were holding on by a thread.

You needed someone. You were desperate. You needed someone who could be there for you without expecting someone in return--a friend, a confidant. You even messaged Doyoung, hoping he’d put aside his broken heart and just listen to you. You needed someone to listen to you. Someone. Anyone. But you had no one, and your son was crying and you felt like your mind would implode. One final snap and you were going to lose your sanity. 

It didn’t help that Jaehyun peaked his head out the door to see what was going out. He found you pacing in the living room, then slumping on the sofa as the little boy cried bloody murder on your shoulder. You knew it was an unusual sight for him. It’s perhaps why he stepped out. He sat next to you, a respectful distance away.

“Is everything alright?” he asked gently.

“He won’t stop crying,” you said, and your voice was thick with the agitation you felt, like you could cry tears of frustration of your own any moment now.

“Could I try calming him?” he kept his voice gentle and even.

“You could,” you said, trying to breathe evenly, lest you crumble mid-sentence.

Jaehyun reached in to take Minki off of you, which made the boy scream louder as he gripped onto your shirt, not wanting to let go. But Jaehyun was gentle yet firm. He managed to pry him off of you. He sat him on his lap whilst he kicked and pushed against him. But Jaehyun held him around the waist. Kind, but strong.

“What’s wrong, Minki?” Jaehyun asked whilst you tried hard to keep yourself together.

“Nooooo!” the boy screamed back on the top of his lungs.

“Minki, you have to tell your Mommy what’s wrong,” Jaehyun reasoned, but he got the same high pitched answer in return. You were worried he was going to hurt his vocal chords.

“How can Mommy help you if you don’t tell her what’s wrong?” Jaehyun looked him in the eye whilst he gently kept him restrained in his arms. And finally, Minki screamed back a reply, a different reply, something other than ‘no.’

“What is it? Can you tell me softly so I can understand?” Jaehyun's tone was authoritative but still kind. Minki’s screams were fading to sobs as he realized this switch in the power dynamic. Still, he held onto his stubborn act for a while longer and screamed the reply.

“Minki, Mommy and I can’t understand you. You have to tell us in words,” Jaehyun reasoned. 

“Outside! Wanna go outside!” Minki replied in sobs instead of screams.

“Very good, Minki. Well done, you’ve told us in words. Where do you wanna go outside? Hmm?” Jaehyun continued.

“Outside!” he yelled and Jaehyun shook his head.

“You have to tell us in words, Minki. Do you wanna go to the store and buy some snacks?”

“No!” Minki whined.

“Then what, Minki? Do you wanna go to the park?”

“Y--no! I wanna play with kitty!” he finally sobbed.

“You wanna play with kitty? Very good, Minki. Thank you for telling us. You’ve done such a good job,” Jaehyun took the boy in his arms and hugged him till he calmed. He stood and you stood up with them.

“Does he play with a cat?” Jaehyun asked you.

“There was once a cat in the park. He played with it,” you told him though your breaths were coming shorter. You didn’t want to crumble but you were right on the brink.

“Do you want me to take him to the park for a little bit?” Jaehyun asked you softly and you nodded vigorously.

“Okay. Don’t worry, please. We’ll be fine,” he nodded, attempting to calm you a little as well, as if he could see that you were hanging by a thread. But then, he turned away much too soon, carrying the now sniffling boy and leaving you behind. Before you could stop yourself, you grabbed at his arm.

“Minki’s dad is in town,” you finally blurted out the words that had been choking you, the reason your breaths were being stolen from your lungs and your chest was being constricted. You wanted someone to know that a dark cloud was taking over your life. A shadow from your past, a monster lurking in the dark. Your exhales came out ragged, like you were holding too much in, but couldn’t let it all out. There was no one to let it out to. You saw Jaehyun’s eyes widen for a moment. But he didn’t say anything. So you continued, “He wants me to meet with him.”

Jaehyun nodded, too understanding, too level-headed. “You should meet him. Does he want to meet Minki, too?”

You looked away, and took a deep breath in. It was getting harder to hold it in. “No. Just me.”

Jaehyun nodded again, “You can meet him. I’ll take care of Minki till then.” Then he turned and started readying Minki to go out the same way he had seen you do several times. 

You wanted to say so much more to him but couldn’t find your words. You wanted Jaehyun to hold you and get the words out of you the same way he had gotten them out of Minki. You wanted him to grab you to pull you together and ask you what it was that was making you feel this way. You wanted to scream and cry and kick like your son and have him calm you down, the same way he calmed him. 

But you were an adult. And he wasn’t your husband, even if you had signed some papers. You’d made sure he would never come close enough to hold you and comfort you with how you treated him. And now? Now, he wasn’t even obligated to be your husband anymore… he had gotten what he wanted from this marriage. So you watched as he walked out with your son, carrying him with the love and patience the little boy had always deserved but never received from his own father. 

You just wanted to give up.

You’re pretty sure you were having an out of body experience. You’d never had an out of body experience before, and you weren’t sure what it was really meant to feel like. You know that at the very least, you were in a dreamlike state. You felt too present, but like you were floating in space at the same time. Your legs felt heavy, but your head felt light. You heard the sounds around you too clearly, every whisper, every step, every breath ringing in your ears. But those sounds didn’t seem like they were coming from your reality around you, but from deep within your being. You heard them too clearly. Perhaps it helped in numbing the sight and sound that was closest to you.

You saw the man in front of you; the man who through a terrible twist of fate was Minki’s father. And you stared down at the cheque this man had placed in front of you, encased in a beautiful envelope. Like the elegance of the envelope was going to mask the horridness of the contents within. You may have been in a dreamlike state. But everything about what was happening was a nightmare.

You stared down at the strip of paper for too long, the storm inside building, threatening to reach its climax. You tried to keep it in. 

“Take it back,” you whispered. You didn’t want to speak up. You weren’t sure what your voice would do if you spoke up.

“Y/N. I want you to think about this logically,” the man said. Too level-headed. Too indifferent. The men around you seemed to talk logic with you quite a lot. Like you were the hysterical one and they were always the sensible, centered ones that had to pacify you.

“Logically?” you repeated the offensive word, finally peeling your eyes off the cheque to look him in the eye.

“This is good money. Think of what you can do for your son with all this money,” he nodded.

“He’s your son, too!” you hissed and the tears that didn’t fall threatened to choke you. You stopped yourself and looked around and shifted in your seat. You didn’t want this to be a scene. You needed to keep yourself together.

“Y/N. I know you’re not thinking straight right now. You’re being too emotional. If you want to take a couple of days to think about it, I think you’ll see that I’m right,” he spoke to you like a professor would speak to a student. Like you were an imbecile and he was the All-Knowing. You were bursting at the seams, and he was too composed. Emotionlessly, indifferently, dispassionately composed.

“You disappeared from our lives for two years and now you want to buy my silence!” you hissed yet again, and tears of anger you were holding back brimmed to your eyes. You didn’t let them escape.

But you finally saw the breach in his composure as he looked around, making sure no one was listening in. Making sure you weren’t creating a scene and tarnishing his reputation. As if your reaction was uncalled for, too extreme, too irrational, too emotional. As if he didn’t ask of you what he did. That he would offer you this money. And in exchange? 

In exchange, you and Minki would never contact him ever again. Because he had found an influential woman to marry. Because he didn’t want anything getting in the way of this opportunity. Because if she were to find out that he had a secret son, she could end his career for vengeance. He would offer you this money and neither you nor Minki could claim any connection to him ever again. He could marry in peace and get a clean slate, leaving his old life behind. Leaving his son behind.

“Y/N…” he said, trying to void his voice of the irritation he felt towards you, “You have a new life. I’m asking for mine.”

“You’re asking to abandon Minki forever with your blood money!” you swept the cheque back towards him.

“I’m not having any more arguments about this,” he turned his cheek and stood up. As if to add insult to injury, he placed more money on the table, presumably to pay the bill. You looked up at him in utter disbelief. How easily he was dismissing himself. Dismissing you. Just getting up to leave like he hadn’t just presented you with a life-altering ultimatum. “Think about it with a rational mind. Or at least think about your son,” he spoke down at you.

But that did it.

“How dare you,” you whispered at him, “How DARE you. You absolute swine of a man…” you’re pretty sure your chair had toppled over as you stood. You didn’t care. Not anymore.

“How dare you ask me to think about my son when you’re the one selling him off with your blood money! How dare you talk to me like that after you left him for the dead for two fucking years. You absolute fucking piece of shit, how dare you!” you realized that your whispers had turned to shrieks, that you were gripping at this man’s collar, that you had finally created the scene the both of you had been avoiding all this time. “How can you do this to him? He’s only a child!” you pulled at him. “He’s your son!” you shrieked at him, your grip on his shirt tight. You could feel him prying you off, but you held onto him with all your might. “He’s your son, you dickless piece of shit, he’s your son!” you didn’t let go, not even for a moment. If you let go, he was going to run and hide. He was going to leave into his new life and Minki would become only a skeleton in his closet. Minki would grow up with the knowledge that his father abandoned him. That he was worth only the amount on this cheque, whilst the new family he was going to start was worth much more. That he was paid off to be kept a secret for the rest of his life. That you allowed it to happen and did nothing to stop it. You were going to stop it. You had to.

“He’s your son!” you gripped at him and you were only half aware that people around you had started to pull him away from you. You didn’t let him go. How could you let him get away? You’re weren’t going to let him get away with doing this to your son. You were going to fight for him. 

But how much power could you muster against the strength of many? What force did you have in your arms that could fight off the pull of the onlookers as they pried the man away from you? What sort of power did you have? None. You didn’t have the power in your arms you thought you had. You didn’t have the power in your fortitude you thought you had. You didn't even have the power in your words you thought you had. You had power over nothing and no one.

So, he got away. Leaving behind only a torn fabric of his shirt in your fist because you held on till the last moment before you were kicked out of the restaurant. You ran after him all the way to his car. Kicking and screaming. But he got in. He drove away. And he got away. And you couldn’t do anything about it--not a single thing.

You could never do much, anyway. You had let him get away this time, just as you had let him get away the last time. You had let yourself and your son get abandoned then, and you let him abandon the two of you now. How easily he slipped from your grip yet again. You couldn’t even stop him. You couldn’t keep him, not even for your son’s sake. Your son needed to know he had a father in this world. But he had been stripped of that right because you couldn’t fight for him. You had no strength. You had no power. 

Come to think of it, you never had any strength or any power all your life. And life was a word you used rather liberally. Truth is, you didn’t really know how to live… you only knew how to survive. So how could you have fought for Minki? You couldn’t even fight for yourself. You hadn’t really done much in your lifetime but made bad decisions, one after the other. And now you were left to face the consequences of every single bad decision you’d ever made. 

How did you think you could do this all on your own? How did you think you could go through all the trials and trepidations of your life with no one to rely on? Who did you think you were? You weren’t born into money, you didn’t go to a fancy college, you had absolutely nothing to back you up but your constant hustle and your ever inflated pride. What good was that pride, anyway? It had never done you an ounce of good. And now, you could feel it slipping from your fingers, too. Because the whole world had seen you gripping and begging at the man who didn’t want you or your son. The whole world had seen as you cried and ran after him on foot, chasing his car even as it raced away from your sight. The whole world saw as you kept walking, even when the storm came, even when it started to rain so hard that you couldn’t see a thing. The whole world saw how you took refuge at a bus stop, drenched to the bone, but unable to move and head home. How could you head home? How could you go home knowing that you couldn’t defend your son? That you couldn’t fight for him? How could you tell him that once again, the two of you were left alone, only this time, he wouldn’t even have the hope that someone might come back for him? He had no one and you had no one. Everyone in this world had deserted you. You stared ahead, searching for courage that wouldn’t come.

And right from within the nothingness, you saw a figure in front of you. Like a silhouette afront the blur of the rain that grew larger till it came too close. But even then, it didn’t take full form against the grey of the storm. It didn’t have to. You knew exactly who it was. You had always known.

“What took you so long?” you looked up, unsure whether rain or tears blurred your vision.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun whispered and immediately covered your shoulders in a trench coat that enveloped you whole.

You were sobbing. You were sure of it now, because your breaths were breaking in your throat and your words were punctuated by them. “Where’s Minki?” you asked desperately as Jaehyun rubbed some warmth into your shoulders with his hands and made you rise to your unstable feet.

“With my mother. He is safe,” he tried to pull you into himself. But you held onto his chest and kept him back so you could look up at his face and make him listen to your pleas. 

“How did you know where to find me?” you couldn’t control the tears that flowed from your eyes any more than you could control this storm in the skies.

“Doyoung called me,” he looked into your eyes, searching. He wanted to know more. And you wanted to tell him. You gripped at his shirt like a broken woman, desperate and begging and crying like a lost child.

“Minki’s father…” you began but fuck, it was hard. It was hard to say the words and realize them as you spoke them. It made you cry more because speaking it was making it more real, “... he… he left us. He gave me this and he left us…” you showed him the envelope, dampened and crumpled in your fist.

“Shh… it’s okay… I’m here… I’ve got you...” Jaehyun held your face.

You gripped at his wrists and looked at him, “Are you going to leave me, too?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in emotion and he shook his head, whispering a single word, “Never.”

“But the will has been signed,” you cried and you told him all the doubts in your heart.

“You are my wife,” he pressed a sealing kiss to your forehead, “And I am your husband. For as long as you’ll want me,” and he brought a hand to the back of your head and pressed it to his chest and this time, you couldn’t fight him. You let him hold you and keep you warm. You cried into him because you understood the words he told you. You knew. You had always known. So you pushed back to looked up at him,

“I’ll want you forever. As my husband,” you whispered, though your voice cracked and your tears flowed.

“It would be my honor,” he replied. Because he had never turned down any request you’d ever made of him.

All you could do in return was to finally allow yourself to crumble. Because now you knew that he’d be there to pick you up. And that’s what he did. As you cried, he put his arm around you and shielded you from the storm under his umbrella. He sat you in his car and fastened your seatbelt. He took you home and sat you in the tub and bathed you so you’d be warm. He wrapped you up in a robe and dried your hair and when you implored at him,

“I want to see Minki,” he gently replied,

“Let the storm die down. Then I’ll go get him myself.”

How funny it was that he was putting out storms one after the other. The storm in your life, the storm in your mind, the storm in your heart. All because you finally let him in. Like he’d been waiting to hold you and love you, only if you allowed it. And now you had. Like a flip of a switch, everything shifted. You felt the shift in his touch, in your breaths, in the space between the two of you.

He took your silence to mean anxiety and kissed your forehead, “I promise. He is safe with my mother. He won’t be safe on the road in this weather.”

You nodded. 

How considerate this man was. How kind. How respectful. How honorable. You had never known men to be this way. Men were selfish, men only gave you respect when you were hard and cold, men would exploit you the moment they sense vulnerability, men broke you down when they saw that you had no way out. That’s how you had known men to be like. Yet, here he was, defying everything you had known, and confirming things about him you had always known but never allowed yourself to realize. You were married to him, yet you’d been blind. You had always been quick to throw away his kindness, his empathy, the love he was always willing to give. You let yourself believe you were alone because you never allowed this man into your heart. What a fool you’d been.

So you stood up and you kissed him. You weren’t going to let him go, not anymore. You weren’t going to pretend that this man was the cause of all your problems. You weren’t going to blame him for your misfortunes anymore. You weren’t going to let your pride get in the way of opening your heart and accepting his warmth and his decency. And in return, you were going to love him with the same kindness and patience he gave you. You were going to care for him and dote on him and be there for him when he would need you. You were going to fill your life with love and light. You were going to chase away the darkness and the storm, hand in hand with him.

And the storm died down, just like Jaehyun had said it would, and he brought Minki back to you, just like he promised he would. You took your son into your arms and you couldn’t bear it. You held him tight and you kissed him and you cried.

“I’m sorry,” you kept telling him, though he wouldn’t understand a word. How could he? He was only a child. How could he understand why his mother was begging for his forgiveness? He only cried in return because he saw you crying, so you held him tighter and kissed him everywhere you could. Maybe one day, he’d understand that you had tried and he might forgive you. He might understand why you had made the decisions that you had. But whether he forgave you or not, you were going to spend everyday letting him know that his mother loved him and that she’d be his shield for as long as she had the strength. 

Jaehyun let you two have this private moment, waiting on the sidelines till you were all cried out, then helping you prepare his things to put him to bed. He let you be when you sat on the floor by the edge of Minki’s bed, slowly patting his tiny back even when he had been fast asleep for a while. When you’d been sitting on that floor for a while, not moving an inch for far too long, you felt Jaehyun sit by your side and loop an arm around you, gently guiding your head to rest on his shoulder. He calmed you like you were calming Minki, then brought his lips to your ears.

“I’ll always be here. For you and Minki.”

You closed your eyes. Because you believed him.

“The HO? You’re really getting promoted to the HO?” you sat up straighter in your chair.

“I’m offended by how surprised you sound,” Doyoung quipped. 

“Oh, no, I just... Doyoung, that’s amazing!” you quickly backtracked and settled on just being happy for your friend.

“I know you too well so just spit it out,” Doyoung looked at you deadpan. You sighed.

“I just… I’m really gonna miss you so damn bad,” you finally admitted.

Doyoung’s eyes widened for a moment, but then he scoffed a little, “Oh, well. It’s all for the best.”

You looked at him and finally felt the intense pang of guilt you should’ve felt all that time ago when you had first met him. Maybe you finally had your humanity back. So, if your voice shook when you said the next few words, you allowed it. He needed to hear the emotions in your words for once. “I really wish you all the happiness in this world, Doyoung. No one deserves it more than you.”

Doyoung looked at you in surprise. For the first time in your dynamic, you had spoken about him, not just yourself. It wasn’t a surprise he couldn’t find his next words. You had rendered him speechless.

“You always belonged with the HO people,” you wiped away at the sneaky tear that had formed at the corner of your eye and tried to lighten the mood, “All snooty and uppity and self-important like.”

Doyoung scoffed again, only this time it was friendlier, any traces of irony and misery gone, “You know, if I keep playing my cards right, I might become your boss.”

You put your hand up in a mock-salute and straightened up, “Sir, yes, Sir!”

Doyoung laughed, “It won’t be fun being your boss when I’m all the way in the capital. I won’t even get the satisfaction of getting your death stares in person.”

Your face fell. “You’re really going to move to the capital, huh?”

He looked up and gave you a small, nostalgic smile, “I really am.”

You held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. “It’s where all the big shots live. You’ll fit right in.”

He smiled wider, though his eyes still didn’t match his expression, “It’s going to be a new start, alright.”

A new start. All the people in your life got a new start, though you weren’t sure if they were deserving of it or not. Now Doyoung was getting one, too. No one deserved it more than him, though you weren’t sure he was a person in your life. So you realized. This was a goodbye. He was here to bid you farewell. When your heart broke in your chest, you allowed that, too. 

“You’re going to be amazing,” you told him sincerely.

He looked down at the table, “I hope so,” he whispered and got up. You got up with him, your heart clenching for your friend. The friend who had given you so much emotional support, the friend who would carry all your baggage by just being a good listener. The friend whose heart you held so carelessly that you broke it. “Well,” he looked at you, “I guess this is goodbye.”

And you finally let the tears fall down to your cheeks. You held his arm to pull him to your height and you kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for everything, Doyoungie. I am never going to forget everything you’ve done for me.”

You supposed you had rendered him speechless once again, because the man froze. Like he didn’t know what to do. But soon he regained his wits about him and stood up straighter. He smiled at you and stroked your hair once, “Don’t miss me too much.”

And perhaps this was going to be the only way you’d realize how much you really needed Doyoung in your life. You’d never really been good with making and keeping friends, and still he had been that one person that never asked you for much. Kim Doyoung might have become your friend and confidant by accident, but he let you vent to him every single time without fail. Did he ever vent to you? You couldn’t remember. All your exchanges with him were utterly selfish. You took from him and never gave. And he let it be that way till he couldn’t. But you needed him and you were going to feel the absence of him. Because you had hurt his pride, and he had let you go. He had decided to let you go when you messaged him for help and he thought it wasn’t his place to help you anymore, but your husband’s. You might’ve been blind, but he wasn’t and he saw what you couldn’t and it hurt his pride; and when he left, you never heard from him ever again.

It was a lesson learnt. Real people had real feelings. Actions had consequences. Relationships were hard work. You had known these clichés all your life, but never truly known them. You had never really thought much outside of yourself and your need to survive. You saw everyone around you as people that either wanted to take from you or people you wanted to take from. You had done all it took to keep your head above water. From staying with your infant son with a man that didn’t want either of you; to begging your parents to help you whilst you found a job to support the two of you. From going door to door to all your friends, asking for a place to stay; to marrying a man you hardly knew just so your son could live with dignity even if all your decisions had been questionable to say the least. 

Maybe being reduced to fighting for primal needs took away from other aspects of your humanity. Like kindness. When was the last time you had been kind to another person without wanting something in return? You couldn’t recall. Like empathy. When was the last time you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and felt their pain? You weren’t sure. Like respect. When was the last time you had admired someone for what they did or how they lived? You didn’t know.

You hadn’t really been living. It’s like the past few years stripped you of who you were. You had lost your identity, not just your humanity. But finally, miraculously, it was coming back. Because the tears you cried when you saw your friend walking away were just for him. You were happy for the life he had ahead of him and sad that you weren’t going to see him again. It was a miracle to feel human again. To know you still had a heart that could feel joy and sorrow for someone else. It was exhilarating to experience the consequences of your actions. It was reassuring to go through the emotions that well adjusted members of society have for one another. And in this moment, you closed your eyes and thought only of your husband. For giving you the space to finally feel human again.

Jaehyun never thought he’d be the clingy type. Then again, he hadn’t really been in a true relationship before. How could he have possibly known this about himself when he had never honestly put himself in this position before? But the sweet pleasure that came with domestic bliss was unlike any he could’ve imagined. The mellow contentment he was feeling just resting his head on his wife’s chest was nothing he had ever experienced before. The fact that you were lazily running your fingers in his scalp wasn’t helping the drunken haze he felt. 

“Do you wanna lay in bed properly? You could take a quick nap,” you suggested, kissing the top of his head. The couch wasn’t big enough for his tall form, but that’s where he had found you and that’s where he had decided to settle in.

“Mm mm,” Jaehyun hummed in the negative, “I don’t want to move,” he mumbled and tightened his arms around your middle as if to drive the point home. 

“You did a good job today, setting up the crib all by yourself,” you smiled at his tired form. Moving into your new house was tough work with both of your schedules. You didn’t even want to look at the piles of cardboard boxes that littered most of the living room where the two of you lounged. Jaehyun had done most of the heavy lifting, but the simple prospect of having to organize them over the next few days was already tiring you out.

“I did a good job?” Jaehyun lifted his sleep head up from your chest, smiling expectantly as he looked up.

“You did,” you smiled back, because who were you kidding? You were a simple girl with simple tastes. Watching your husband become a handyman was a basic fantasy and you hadn’t denied yourself the luxury of ogling at the muscles in his back rippling through his shirt as he worked.

“Then can I have a kiss?” he asked shamelessly, despite the sleep in his state.

You laughed. But you leaned in and kissed his lips. He had earned it, anyway. He’d taken a day off from work so the two of you could finally start setting up your new home. Minki’s room had been the first you had chosen to finish. It’s the first time your little boy had gotten his own room and you both had set it up with all the love you had in your hearts. Jaehyun had gotten so many toys that you had argued they wouldn’t fit. But he was determined and stubborn and had found a place for all the things he had bought. No wonder he was so tired now. Lazing about on the couch, cuddled into you.

Minki toddled towards you then, holding onto the sheet of paper he had been scribbling away at with his brand new set of crayons. He pressed it into Jaehyun’s face, wanting his attention.

“Not now, my love. Daddy is sleeping,” you whispered at him with a finger on your lip, smiling.

But Jaehyun never had it in him to tell him no. Though his eyes were droopy and his body heavy, he held the paper with both his hands and gave the boy all the encouragement he could muster for his little creation and promised that he would put it up on the refrigerator proudly. Then he scooped the boy into his arms and tucked him into the couch as well, muttering, “Nap time,” and miraculously, Minki giggled but gave in.

Your legs were going to be numb in a moment, you were sure of it because the two boys had pretty much decided that on top of you was a fairly suitable napping spot. You didn’t move, though, not for a single moment. Jaehyun had slid over to tuck himself under your arm and over your chest and Minki effectively used your belly as a pillow and buried his face into Jaehyun. You reached over to stroke your son’s head because your lips couldn’t reach him. But they reached Jaehyun’s forehead just fine. If you could stay like this forever, you would. Right here in this moment, without changing a thing. 

“Here it is. The first snow,” you whispered. You didn’t get a reply because Jaehyun’s eyes had closed. So you marveled at the window of your new home. Finally, after all the years of wishing and hoping, the first snow had brought for you a new tomorrow. A happier life. A life with love. You smiled at it and prayed a silent thank you and let your eyes close, too. No one wishes at the snow, but you’re glad you did all those years.

When Jaehyun woke from his nap, he found you asleep, so he got up carefully and carried Minki into his new room and tucked him in. So many years he had spent wishing at the snow to give him his own family. And now he had it. He felt your presence at the door frame and turned around, pressing a finger to his lips. He tiptoed out and held your hand and you walked together in companionable silence, unbeknownst to the other that you were just two snow wishers who found their dreams in each other.

So he made love to you that night on the mattress on the floor of the room you hadn’t even set up yet. You were going to. You were going to set it up hand in hand and fill it with love and happiness and all the human moments you were going to live together. You had found a harbor in Jaehyun, but it was his dreams that had come the truest. Too many years he had longed to be a husband and a father, and never thought he’d live to see that day in truth. But slowly and surely, you let him in. Little by little, letting him love you the way he had always envisioned he would love his family. His dreams came true. His snow wishes came true. His marriage came true. His love came true.

A proud smile adorned your face, knowing that these two men who were making every woman and man go crazy in their vicinity were yours. Instead of feeling jealous or angry, this just turned you on even more.

It was no surprise that in the whole crowd, Jeno and Jaemin tried finding you as they got to their last song of the night. Both of them throwing smiles and looks your way, before capturing each other in a heated kiss. And of course, the crowd went insane at this but so did your heart and stomach. Jaemin gripped Jeno's hair tightly as he brushed his lips against the other's almost hungrily. With the adrenaline rushing through their veins, they sloppily yet intently tangled their tongues for a few seconds before breaking apart.

Your gaze was transfixed on them both as they smirked at each other and proceeded to finish their song. You could feel the heat pooling in your panties already.

As soon as they bid everyone a goodnight, you started navigating your way through the crowd to get to the back rooms. After all you were their makeup artist. But oh you had a different intent in mind right now. With hurried steps you tried to make your way, unfortunate to be stopped twice by your team mates, but you still managed to sneak out. Jaemin and Jeno always got one room to themselves whenever it was possible, and you were lucky that this centre had a lot of accommodations.

You didn't run into either of your boyfriends on the way so you figured they might already be inside. And you were half correct because Jeno was already there, his drenched tshirt abandoned now, and smoking a cigarette. You just couldn't help but look at all the contours on his body. He smirked as he saw you enter and stare at his bare torso. Without even giving him time to ask you anything, you crashed into the boy and kissed him. He let out a surprise gasp and then a chuckle into the kiss, seeing how desperate you were at that moment. You snaked your tongue into his mouth, just like you had seen them do it on stage. Jeno's free hand came to rest on your neck, allowing him to pull you back as he needed a breather.

"Looks like someone is horny." He chuckled again and brought his smoke to your lips instead now.

"You cannot expect me to not be after that shit you guys pulled on the stage." You took a long drag from the cigarette, exhaling the smoke while asking, "where's Jaem?"

"Mmm he was just talking with the drummer, but he should be back soon," Jeno pulled your body close to him again, and sat down on the couch in the room.

Just as you straddled the boy and leaned in to capture his lips again, the door opened revealing a shirtless Jaemin, his skin glistening. Gosh did these guys have an agenda of killing you today or something? To say that they were hot was an understatement. They were fucking Greek gods.

"Well well well," Jaemin smirked at the position you two were in, "baby you already started without me."

"Jaemin!" you exclaimed and got down from the couch, jumping into Jaemin's arm. His lips were soft as a pillow as you kissed him, and so you couldn't help but bite down on his lower lip, extracting a surprised grunt from the man. His hands snaked into your hair and tugged on them harshly to pull you back. You whimpered at his tight grip.

"Baby, are you asking to be punished right here right now?" His voice was low in your ears as he tugged at your hair again. You felt another pair of hands snake around your waist and Jeno's already hard cock pressing against you. "What do you say Jen?"

Jeno's one hand slid up from your thigh, effectively taking up the hem of your skirt with him. And oh you had completely forgotten about the surpsise you had prepared for your boyfriends — no panties for the day, so they could fuck you whenever. You could hear both of them suck in sharp breaths when they realised you'd been flaunting around your bare pussy this whole time.

"It seems that our princess wants to be punished," Jeno chuckled in your ear and his hand went to cup your core.

Jaemin almost growled as he claimed your mouth again in a lustful kiss. You moaned into the kiss when Jeno eased his calloused fingers into you, you were already so wet that it made him curse. Jaemin's hands pulled down the straps of your camisole and bra simultaneously, baring your boobs. You moaned again when he rolled your nipples in his rough fingers, the nipples seeming to be hot wired directly to your core.

"Fuck, princess you're literally dripping on my hand." Jeno thrusted his fingers harshly into you, stretching you out.

You felt so dirty at that moment, being fucked on one of your boyfriend's fingers in the middle of a random room, dripping like a whore while loud squelching sounds and your moans mixed in the air. But gosh, that aroused you even more. Jaemin's mouth was on your nipples as his fingers found your clit. Just their hands and mouth on you made you cum there, standing like that. Jeno's free hand pressed against your mouth to muffle your loud moans, not really wanting anyone else hearing their dirty princess.

You clenched tightly around Jeno's fingers and you could feel your slick dripping onto your thighs. You grinded your hips on his hand, riding out your high. But your boyfriends still didn't stop their ministrations on you.

"You are such a dirty slut princess." Jaemin had straightened up now, his fingers still rubbing against your sensitive clit.

"J-Jaemin, please." You squirmed in their hold and Jeno clicked his tongue, his fingers curling inside you with force, a wanton moan escaping your lips. Despite your pleas, they knew how much you really loved being overstimulated. You settled on whimpers of their names and let them do whatever they wanted, because it all just ended making you feel ecstatic. If you had the chance to always be high from this, you would choose this without thinking twice.

"Come on princess, give us one more." As if on cue, you clenched tightly around Jeno's fingers and squirmed in Jaemin's hold, a wave of pleasure going through all your body. You slumped back onto Jeno, taking a breather for yourself. But then you heard the sound of a zipper opening, remembering your boyfriends hadn't gotten off yet.

When you opened your eyes again, Jaemin was already stroking his half hard cock, while looking at your fucked out form. "I could literally get off to you looking like that princess." He licked his lips, while Jeno had started to kiss your neck again. You pushed off of him gently, and got down to your knees, making Jaemin smirk widely. You looked so compliant for them, Jeno thought he would just cum like that.

Your each hand started stroking either of their cocks, taking turns in spitting on your hand to make get more slick. Jaemin let out a low satisfied moan as you took the head of his cock in.

Jeno couldn't resist pulling Jaemin into him and kissing him, remembering to keep their hips angled so you could suck on their lengths. You gave equal attention to both theor shafts, sucking and stroking each with as much vigour. While Jeno was more on the girthy side, Jaemin won in length. But both their cocks satisifed you more than enough, especially together.

Jeno groaned into the kiss as Jaemin pinched his nipple a little. The former's hand went ahead and gripped the latter's hair in a tight grip as he pressed his lips harshly. The sight above you of your boyfriend's being a little aggressive with each other was making you drip onto the carpeted floor. You couldn't help but think about their tight hold on you as they fucked you senseless.

Jaemin pulled back for air, noticing your thighs squirming while you sucked them off. "Jeno," he lets out breathily, "our princess needs some attention now." You moaned around Jeno's cock at his words.

Jeno lifted you by the arms and guided you towards the couch. "On your hands and knees baby."

You arched your back, just like how Jaemin liked it and he was quick to lock the door and completely abandon his pants as he settles behind you. His hands grabbed your ass, kneading it, and spreading your cheeks giving him a look at your dripping and puffed pussy. His cock twitched at the sight. Unable to hold himself back anymore, Jaemin prodded the tip of his length at your entrance but then proceeded to drag it though your slit, gathering some slick. He stroked his cock once, mixing your arousal with his precum. You held in your breath as you finally felt him push inside.

Jaemin always stretched you so good. You let out a loud moan. You opened your eyes again when you felt the couch dip in front of you. Jeno spit in his hand stroked his cock, moving towards you, his cock lined up with your mouth now. Without furtger ado, you took him in snd started sucking, making sure to roll your tongue around the head because that's how he liked it. Jeno took ahold of your hair and slowly started moving his hips, letting you adjust to his length and pushing in. You gagged when you felt the tip of his length hit the back of your throat, but managed to still keep in inside you. With a deep breath, you relaxed your throat further so he could push more inside you.

Both your boyfriends started fucking you, setting a pace slowly.

"You like it don't you, being stuffed full of our cocks?" Jaemin groaned, as you clenched around him tightly. He pulled back only to slam harshly into you. His thrusts getting harder and rough with each one. Jeno wasn't going so easy on your either, he was now fucking your throat mercilessly. Saliva and tears pooled at your chin, and dripped on the couch. You moaned as Jaemin smacked your ass a few times.

"Fuck, princess." You were truly a sight to take in right now. Your skirt bunched up at your waist, your tshirt ridden up while your boobs spilled out from your bra. They jiggled with each thrust. It would feel embarrassing for you to be like this, but right now all you could think about was your boyfriends' dicks.

Because they knew how to fuck you just the right way.

It was impossible, but you felt Jaemin grow even more inside you. You could feel all veins and ridges, his tip hitting your spot every time. You eyes rolled back into your head as both of them thrust into you with vigour. Jeno couldn't stop staring at your pretty lips wrapped around his shaft while you let him fuck your mouth however he wanted. He swiped a finger at your chin. So plaint and so good for them. You could feel the knot in your stomach building again as Jaemin started thrusting in faster.

You moaned around Jeno's cock and his grip on your head tightened. "Breath through your nose princess, I'm so close." Jeno pushed himself inside completely that yiur nose hit his abdomen. He rolled his hips, loving the feeling of your throat closing up around him. "Fuck princess, fuck fuck fuck—," Jeno let out a deep moan as he came into your throat. You couldn't help but clench tightly around Jaemin as you felt hot cum slide down your throat.

"Baby, fuck I'm gonna cum as well." Jaemin's gave a few harsh thrusts before he buried himself deep inside you as his cock painted your walls tight, making you reach your high at the same time.

You were spent and panting heavily as your boyfriends slowly took themselves out of you, and placed you gently on the couch. Peppering you with kisses as Jaemin's cum mixed with your arousal dripped between your legs making a sticky mess. You couldn't care less though.

Your lips curled into a satisfied smile as your boyfriends cleaned you up. But our bliss was cut short as their manager called out, causing you to get flustered.

"If you three are done, lets move because we are on time crunch!"

Your boyfriends just laughed at your flustered state.

a/n: idk what this was ehdjwjxjskz