#autotheist

"AND WHO SAYS YOU'RE A GOD AT ALL??!??"

"GOD IS ONLY ME!!!!!"

Did some more fanart for @jumalanpelko, this time based on "Autotheist" by Baby Bugs.

:(

so i'm going to.

tws for the following rant :: Sexual and romantic attraction // autospec erasure & hate // ED mention // negative self-image // the words autophile and selfcest

I've been attracted to myself since I was very young. When I was little, I'd stare at myself in a mirror for as long as possible because I loved my face, my hair, everything about it. I was fascinated with my own body- I'd stare at myself in dressing room mirrors at any chance.

As I got older and started to date, I never understood why I was the only one who could fluster myself, why I preferred my own face over the ones of those around me. I found others attractive, and I wanted to date them, and I did- but they were never as good as I found myself.

People would call me narcissistic. Self-centred. Tell me to lower my ego. Say that calling myself hot and sexy was inappropriate and that I was oversexualizing myself. I never understood why. It was always consensual between me, myself, and I. I hid my self-attraction and became extremely self-conscious. I worried that I was a bad person for finding myself attractive, so I would force myself to criticize myself any time I found myself looking at the mirror and thinking I was attractive. It caused a lot of body issues for me and lead to me having an ED.

When I talked about how I would date my clone and found myself very attractive, I was called an autophile and people made selfcest jokes. It felt like something was wrong with me. The suffixes -phile and -cest aren't good.

Then I found the label "autosexual". It seemed to fit with what I felt. But most comments about it were all "this is just narcissism" or "you can only use this label if you're aroace".

I told my friends I was autosexual and half of them said "how is that any different from autophilia?"

When I boast about looking nice or cute, I'm self-centred and egocentric and a jerk. When people boast about their partners doing anything, they're a great partner and an adorable couple.

My relationship with myself is seen as flimsy, narcissistic, and a joke. It's seen as just the same as normal self-love. People question it when I feel unhappy with my body.

I love myself. I love my body. I love my voice. I love my hair. I love my face. But this isn't just positivity. I am smitten, head over heels in love with myself.

When I kiss myself, people call it weird.

When I give myself gifts, people say I'm just making things up and that I'm just buying things.

When I compliment myself, people call it narcissism or "normal positivity".

It's none of these things.

I need people to understand- being auto is not "being positive" or "being narcissistic".

Narcissism is a term that should only be used for people with NPD/Narcissistic Personality Disorder and using it to describe selfishness or egocentrism is ableist and rude.

Auto people can be self-conscious and have a poor self image and that doesn't make them any less auto and it doesn't make them a bad self-partner/friend if they are dating/friends with themself.

Rant over, I suppose. Please reblog to share around and share this message and feel free to reblog with any points you think I missed or questions you may have.

Might do a rant about autospec erasure in media later on or I might not.

Tags are below. Send me an ask if you want me to remove you from the tags and I will.

This is anti-religion and saneism.

This is absolutely anti-religion. Why *sighs and rubs temples* why do people hate on egotheists and autotheists so fucking much? Istg, it overlaps with hate for divinekin and godshards. People just hate fucking whimsy.

I'm sorry that your friend is an ableist dick to you. Honestly, if you wanna stay friends with him, I'd have a serious discussion with him and tell him that his disrespectful bullshit isn't okay and lay a boundary that this sort of talk isn't okay.

"You are not my God

You sent all of these people after me

You are not my God

You kept me from feeling anything

And who says that you're a god at all?

God is only me

And when I become God,

I promise you'll believe in me"

Lyrics were pulled from this song, another song I feel fits MLT Felix in this ending very well

This is automisia, NPD ableism, and anti-religion.

@this-is-anti-religion

I'm covert and self aware enough to know sharing my obsessive thoughts wouldn't go over well (especially with past experience). And how does one maintain social relationships when bottling up sudden, strongly held, strange beliefs? It's all I think about so idk what else to say or how else to be.