#auto post

so i'm going to.

tws for the following rant :: Sexual and romantic attraction // autospec erasure & hate // ED mention // negative self-image // the words autophile and selfcest

I've been attracted to myself since I was very young. When I was little, I'd stare at myself in a mirror for as long as possible because I loved my face, my hair, everything about it. I was fascinated with my own body- I'd stare at myself in dressing room mirrors at any chance.

As I got older and started to date, I never understood why I was the only one who could fluster myself, why I preferred my own face over the ones of those around me. I found others attractive, and I wanted to date them, and I did- but they were never as good as I found myself.

People would call me narcissistic. Self-centred. Tell me to lower my ego. Say that calling myself hot and sexy was inappropriate and that I was oversexualizing myself. I never understood why. It was always consensual between me, myself, and I. I hid my self-attraction and became extremely self-conscious. I worried that I was a bad person for finding myself attractive, so I would force myself to criticize myself any time I found myself looking at the mirror and thinking I was attractive. It caused a lot of body issues for me and lead to me having an ED.

When I talked about how I would date my clone and found myself very attractive, I was called an autophile and people made selfcest jokes. It felt like something was wrong with me. The suffixes -phile and -cest aren't good.

Then I found the label "autosexual". It seemed to fit with what I felt. But most comments about it were all "this is just narcissism" or "you can only use this label if you're aroace".

I told my friends I was autosexual and half of them said "how is that any different from autophilia?"

When I boast about looking nice or cute, I'm self-centred and egocentric and a jerk. When people boast about their partners doing anything, they're a great partner and an adorable couple.

My relationship with myself is seen as flimsy, narcissistic, and a joke. It's seen as just the same as normal self-love. People question it when I feel unhappy with my body.

I love myself. I love my body. I love my voice. I love my hair. I love my face. But this isn't just positivity. I am smitten, head over heels in love with myself.

When I kiss myself, people call it weird.

When I give myself gifts, people say I'm just making things up and that I'm just buying things.

When I compliment myself, people call it narcissism or "normal positivity".

It's none of these things.

I need people to understand- being auto is not "being positive" or "being narcissistic".

Narcissism is a term that should only be used for people with NPD/Narcissistic Personality Disorder and using it to describe selfishness or egocentrism is ableist and rude.

Auto people can be self-conscious and have a poor self image and that doesn't make them any less auto and it doesn't make them a bad self-partner/friend if they are dating/friends with themself.

Rant over, I suppose. Please reblog to share around and share this message and feel free to reblog with any points you think I missed or questions you may have.

Might do a rant about autospec erasure in media later on or I might not.

Tags are below. Send me an ask if you want me to remove you from the tags and I will.

Published in 1993, it was titled "Jaguar à travers les ages" (Jaguar through the ages). Covering over 50 years of Jags from 1936 to 1991.

tem gente que só percebe valor quando sente falta.

Você entregou presença, cuidado, tentou ser abrigo… e ainda assim não foi suficiente.

Então não insista em ser mais.

Às vezes, o que falta não é você dar mais — é você parar de dar.

Ofereça sua ausência.

Deixe o silêncio falar o que sua presença nunca conseguiu explicar.

O sal não aparece no menu, ninguém elogia…

mas quando falta, tudo perde o gosto.

Gritando aos quatro cantos do mundo por você. Esperneando como uma criança no chão, quando não tem o que quer. E as vezes temo acordar de um sonho e voltar para o vazio antes de existirmos. Mas, seja lá o que fiz para o universo me ouvir, não poderíamos habitar o mesmo mundo se não fosse para ficarmos juntos.

Agora, observo você dormir ao meu lado, e sinto que somos inevitáveis: E desta forma o universo parou para nos ver colidir.

E se por isso, eu acordar amanhã e o mundo todo se tornar cinzas, ainda assim valeu a pena ter gritado até que as estrelas se movessem de lugar por nós.

When you finish a draft, what worries you the most?

• Is the opening strong enough to hook a reader?

• Do your characters feel real or just sound good in your head?

• Are there scenes you secretly hope readers won’t notice?

• At what point in your story do you fear readers might stop reading?

Now I’m curious

What kind of feedback do you actually want but rarely get?