Some medical infodumping is going on. Or they're going to kick some asses idk

Idk man, i wish we had more characters who just, don't smile or laugh much. When they do it makes it extra special i think :)

It's a Saturday morning. I keep trying to talk to my friends about my AuADHD diagnosis, but they keep averting their eyes. Their brows are creased, their faces are tense, and their brains are whirling - but they're not saying anything. It's exhausting. Whatever is troubling them, they are trying their best not to say. But their bodies are shouting at me. They're so loud that it's making me tense, so, I say, staring directly at them, "You know, these meds - they are REALLY helping me." I say it sweetly and cheerfully. I'm coaxing out their fire. One, two, thr... The air goes tense. "Oh god is there NOT just going to be a DAY when people stop trying to put others who are different on MEDICATION?!" My friend suddenly exclaims, in an angry outburst. Her cheeks are flushing. "WHY can't they just let you be your creative SELF? Why can't they just let you BE! WHY is this world so intent on making you like everyone else!!!!" The air pressures going down. Woah, what a relief. I can breathe. We've touched a nerve. Or rather, a value. It's sweet, what she's saying. A beautiful ideal. But AuADHD isn't just a matter of being different. There are no evil scientists and doctors in my story. No one is trying to suppress me. What they're actually doing, is freeing me. In my med pamphlet, it states, over and over, how ADHD isn't my fault. It tells me, that I'm not to blame, for how my mind works. AuADHD has been a lifelong struggle of picking up a million signals, filtering through them, and then gamifying everything so I can function. I've yelled at my brain, pleaded with it, begged and out-thought it, in order to do what people see, as everyday, easy things. And still, I'll leave my keys, in the front door. I've lost passports, debit cards, my engagement ring, (which, to this day, I still don't know where I put down...) I've handed in essays with 5 minutes to spare, and wrote my university dissertation (10,000 words) in 2 days. I've even left candles in rooms, pots on the stove, and the amount of food I've burn in the oven...well...I've forgotten the number. Throughout my teens and twenties, I struggled terribly, trying to be normal. And feeling this way, naturally made me more sensitive to rejection. They say that people who have AuADHD are more sensitive to feedback, but to me it's common sense. Because they've received more feedback, than the average Joe, and that will get anyone down. Each time I leave something at a friends house, each time I knock into something, and am covered in yet more bruises, it's a reminder, that something isn't "right". When I used to play sports, I got so used to falling over, that I'd barely register the blood running down my leg from another graze. That is, until the game was stopped by the teacher, and my friends would say, "Really? Again?" I stopped registering pain, because I just wanted to carry on. I didn't want to be delayed, from doing something I enjoyed, just because my mind and my body weren't agreeing. So to me, it's natural, that this would knock a person's confidence. And, natural, perhaps, that they might then overcompensate.

I put all my energy into trying to show I wasn't disabled. I didn't want to be stupid. Ditzy. I didn't want any of it.

🩵 Yandere who's so touch starved they're desperate for physical affection X Reader who hates physical touch and can only manage a pat on the back.

🩷 Reader who is ether completely or semi non verbal and uses cards to communicate X Yandere who's rigged all the cards so they can't say they hate them or want to leave.

🤍 Yandere you can't sleep because you're rattling your chains too much X Who keeps ticing and inadvertently was making loud noise.

🩷 Yandere who buys you sensory toys to help you feel more comfortable but actually just uses them all themselves lol.

🩵 Reader who vocal stims 24/7 X Yandere who has echolalia lol

First we have... ever know that feeling when you can tell by the room's reaction that you said/did something wrong but you have no clue WHAT but no one will tell you but the entire atmosphere of the room changed and now you're blanking out on what you even said all you know is you Def fucked up somehow?

Anyway, I had a thought yesterday about how Caine does these little subtle mini-stims like someone who was taught stimming was bad or whatever (I mean it could also be tics or something else there's many interpretations).

Anyway @cctypical , cc your comment back there about Caine not big stimming in front of the cast in order to not make them uncomfortable immediately wanted me to draw a little justice for him!!!

Idk why but that doodle cheered me up a ton and me a bit less self-concious about stimming idk.

I think I'm getting better at drawing him-

Anyway I'm literally just projecting but it made me feel better and I hope it makes someone else feel better/less alone in this cuz like I could really use some more of that myself-