#attributions

“The best things in life make you sweaty.”

To this day I still don't know how to write a 'suddenly' scene without it sounding awkward. I tried to but it ended up as ["Well I better get back to class—" she said, and suddenly there was an earthquake.] How can I make it smoother? Thank you so much!!

When “suddenly” feels abrupt or unnatural, that’s because it is telling the reader that something is about to happen when showing them is probably better. Like a scene in a movie, for an event to feel sudden there should be no lead-in. Characters are conversing one second, and action occurs in the next. The usual seamless flow between scenes is now unnecessary. While it is vital in the rest of storytelling, unforeseen events require disconnect and surprise.

You already show interruption in the dialogue by using an em dash, now support it by removing the attribution and interrupting the scene altogether.

“Well, I’d better get to class—”

[drop indent + immediate action]

Also like watching a movie or experiencing something irl, we don’t always get an explanation right away. We see the effects the action has on people and environment first. So instead of making the action “an earthquake,” show the reader what the earthquake is doing.

Expanding on your example, you can choose to keep terms like “suddenly.” Removing them increases the show factor and decreases the tell factor, which alters the effect slightly.

“Well, I’d better get to class—”

The floor suddenly rumbled. – vs –  The floor rumbled.

Paintings on the wall began to tremble. – vs –   Paintings on the wall trembled.

Removing these terms naturally makes it less obvious that what is happening is abnormal. So whatever action you choose should seem out of place enough that the reader knows this is an unusual circumstance. For instance,

The lights flickered and objects fell off shelves.

She hit the ground before she could say another word.

Both of these examples clearly indicate something is going wrong. If there isn’t an already established reason for these things to happen, the effect will be twice as strong—depending on how climactic you want your sudden action to be. Earthquakes in particular have different magnitudes, so it’s up to you and your research on how jarring the effects of this will be.

It also helps in any sudden scene to imagine which sensory cues will get your characters’ attention first. Will they hear that there’s an earthquake before they see the effects? Will they feel the ground shaking before hearing objects fall? You can write each one in the order you think your character would notice, cutting in with dialogue or other character attributions wherever it feels right. A little descriptive writing will go a long way towards putting the reader in the scene.

Avoid passive voice and stick with active voice to keep the scene feeling fast-paced. All the examples I’ve given are active voice. Passive voice would sound more like,

The floor was shaken by an earthquake.

A rattling sound was caused by paintings on the wall.

These sentences don’t contain the crutch “suddenly,” but passive voice makes them awkward and underwhelming in their own way. I’ll include a couple links that I used as reference while writing this, so you can double-check me and keep them as reference yourself.

Active vs. Passive Voice

Passive Voice Demonstrated by Zombies

Writing Tips—Don’t Say Suddenly, Show It!

Great question, and I hadn’t covered it yet so I’m glad you asked!

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 Select attributions to 23

Hebrew letter:מ mem

English translation: water

Tarot: all cups, all queens, the hanged man

Queen Scale Color: sea green

Egyptian Gods: Tum, Athph, Auramoth, Asar, Hekar, Isis

Greek Gods: Poseidon

Animal: scorpion-snake-eagle

Plant: lotus

Precious Stone: beryl/aquamarine

Magical Weapons: the cup, cross of suffering, the wine

Perfume: onycha, myrrh

Magical Powers: The Great Work, Talismans, Crystal Gazing

The Four Worlds: Briah the creative world

Archangel of the quarter: גַּבְרִיאֵל, Gabriel, God is my strength

Angel of Water: Taliahad

I read all these quotes

attributed to the illustrious

and my first thought

is not to blindly follow along

and find gospel

where there is mere dogma.

I have had a life 

and am still having it

and what I see is not 

always what they saw

famous or

anonymous or

infamous

I look and I judge

and I 

think for myself.

And when, exactly,

did that become

an uncommon gift

and not just

what we do?

So I’m saying,

“Who says? And why do we

Writing rules should be used whenever they are necessary or beneficial. They are essential if you want to produce quality writing, but become restrictive if you follow them as though they are absolute law. 

For instance, it is not unlawful to hit an animal on the road with your car, but as a rule you shouldn’t hit an animal that’s on the road. Is that rule restricting your freedom to drive by requiring that you avoid the animal? On the other hand, does the sight of any animal on or near the road always require that you slam on the brakes? Swerve wildly? Call Animal Control? No. You react reasonably and approach the situation in whatever way works best for that situation.

When writing, adhere to the rules, but understand that they must be applied differently on different occasions. Unlike driving, you have the opportunity to go back over what you’ve written and improve it. If you feel hampered by having to slow down to “show” something or to contemplate the number of “saids" you’ve used, then stop trying to follow those rules mid-writing. Apply them in the editing/revising stage when you have more time to analyze your work.

Asks like this one: “Show, Don’t Tell” — Said, Adverbs, & Attributions

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