My calendar still send me notifications of the birthday of a friend I haven't spoken to many, many years.

Children and adults with DID live with simultaneously active multiple self-states which, unlike the everyday occurrence of multiple self-states that we all experience, are separate from each other. Different fragments of experience are each assigned to a different sense of self with its own way of thinking and behaving and with its own unique memories. DID can be regarded both as an attachment disorder and as a post-traumatic stress occurrence. Much of the way that we think about DID is derived from research into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Professor Peter Fonagy and others have shown that the most common aetiology for DID is a disorganised attachment followed by abuse at the hands of a caregiver (McQueen et al., Citation2009).

My relationship with men and sex and my own sexuality has been so incredibly fucked from the very start and I dont think its ever going to healthy and sane and normal. Whatever that even means. Sometimes I think I should just lean into it and accept it. I cant imagine seeing sex as something associated with light and love and comfort. My inability to connect with people and habit of isolation and loneliness has been lifelong since age 3. I crave it and then feel nothing when I get it. I can only enjoy it if it comes with a heap of abuse.

Attachment disorder so bad you just wanna thr0w up. But emetophobia so bad you would rather d!e than have to v0mit too 💀