#aspdthoughs

I am using my learned behavior. I understand that you are sad, I understand what made you sad. I don’t understand why you are sad or how that made you sad. I know when you start crying, that this is the moment, when other person would try to comfort you, so I do that. I even know how a person would try to comfort you (hugs, hold a hand, say it’s gonna be okay etc.) so I do that. Mostly I just do things that I learned are normal and socially acceptable. If you break down crying in front of me I can’t just turn around and walk away (even though, believe me, I want to).

Actually when I share a “compassionate” moment with you, it’s literally just for my sake. I want people around to perceive me as a “normal person”. If I act like I would if I never learned anything from social interaction, I would just be seen as an unemotional prick (which frankly... I am).

Hello, just want to make stuff clear. I like this platform because I can vent here. I post shit I have in my head. I post about how much I just don’t feel and just don’t care but here are some thing I would like to point out:

1. I am “normal” in my real life. Yes I do have aspd but that doesn’t excuse me from my actions. Yes I am manipulative. Yes I hurt people. Somethings you can not avoid or are hard to avoid, but most of the time I am function as a normal member of this society. I have my job (and a job that involves social interaction) and I am very good at it. Yes maybe I don’t have emphaty and don’t have the same mindset as other people but that doesn’t make me a monster.

2. I do have people I genuinely care about. I am low on the spectrum and social realayionshios are different for everyone who’s suffering from aspd. I have 4 people I need in my life. People that know about my diagnosis and are okay with dealing with it. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt me when they leave but it doesn’t mean I would like them to leave.

3. I obey law. Yes maybe everyday I have thoughts about doing something which is against the law but with my clear head I can say that I shouldn’t do it. Maybe I would do it if I was 100% sure I wasn’t going to get caught but I don’t feel like it. Law is not for only mentally healthy people and your diagnosis doesn’t accuse you from doing illegal shit. It’s not like you wasn’t the one who done it. Yes maybe for people who are higher on the spectrum it’s different and much harder to obey law but not for me.

4. I am only using this platform so I can actually be able to vent my inner thoughts which I NEVER say out loud. It’s the way of therapy for me so if I ever sound like exaggerating edgy teen, then I don’t really care.

I am of a great suspicion that you blocked me, right after you dedicated a good amount of your time writing a post about me. I am wholeheartedly sorry for the trauma I caused you. Or at least I must have when you feel so butthurt that you need to post shit and block except of confronting ME. Also I am of the opinion that you are just another crying SJW begging for attention of others and you were so disappointed by my post about self-diagnose that you needed to open your attention-desperate mouth.