I’d like to thank everyone for their responses to the previous question. It got me thinking to what I personally what I wanted in aromantic representation.

What follows is some of my musings on the matter, which is why it may be somewhat in cohesive and incoherent.

I have to admit i loved the Ouran anime. We can ignore the ending two episodes if we like, but if not it, can still be left way up to personal interpretation whether or not Haruhi stayed aromantic and they accepted her for it or if blahblah your pairing came true. 

The manga makes me ragequit. Hard. So it’s this i’ll be using to discuss the failure to keep an aromantic character aromantic. I’mma throw spoilers through the ending, so be warned.

Agreed so much. There was alot of potential in her character to have a decent discussion (or at least, food for thought) on the concept of gender. But by the end of the manga, well, why ever bother having her say that gender didn't matter if that part of her personality had no real influence on what she did or what happened to her later on?

Until. Oy. A few volumes into the manga things go to hell. It’s bearable until around volume 8, if you needed a point to stop at. Most characters accept her as a friend but TRY TO CHANGE HER. Including her father, which i don’t get because as a trans* character s/he should be more understanding of these things, right? So both her father and eventual (ARGH) love interest Tamaki keep begging and pleading and plotting for Haruhi to be the perfectly cute little girl. Anything “girly” they can get on her makes them scarily happy. When she dresses the most “boyish”—glasses, big formless sweater, baggy pants, messy short hair—they recoil in horror. BUT SHE’S COMFORTABLE IN THAT. 

Anybody else reminded of the whole 'No actually means yes (even if she's just too dense to realize it herself/once she gets over her damn damn pride' trope here?

It makes the whole premise of Tamaki's Be yourself" thing all the more infuriating. Of course, other readers in the past have tried to convince me that Tamaki does end up accepting Haruhi for who she really is, but.. I have never really bought it.Probably because by that time Haruhi had really changed by then so the damage had already been done

The thing is? It really would have been an interesting plot point. I mean, it may not be very difficult for someone to be open minded and accepting

That is, unless, of course, it means that you don't get what you want.

But alas, that isn't what the writer went with

The manga writer also uses the laziest of tactics to get the reader to believe in Tamaki/Haruhi romance: having every other character TELL THEM.

Depressingly? This could have had a lot of great potential (albeit perhaps not as obvious to those who aren't aromantic or aren't privy to the concept) because it is ( to me anyway) eerily reflective of what happens as a trope and as reflection of reality: the fact is, there really is no discourse on strong bonds with other people aside from that which is family based (which could have been tied beautifully to the below issue with tamaki too) Anything else? Romantic or unimportant. So the end result? You are, indeed, telling them what their feelings are

See, Haruhi apparently isn’t the only clueless one. Tamaki claims he loves Haruhi like a daughter (the whole Host Club is built up like a game of house, where Tamaki is the father and his very best friend Kyouya is the mother) and uses this as the reason he pushes her to be cute and craves her attention. But i guess the other characters know how he feels better than he does because they eventually insist he’s in denial and Haruhi is his one true love. Because, ya know, if i was romantically attracted to someone i’d confuse it with the love a parent has for their child too. Maybe it’s a manga thing making a culture joke i don’t understand, though.

I find the whole 'loving her as a daughter thing' more confusing than anything else. At least to me, because do you recall the episode where the twins bring out the mannequin Haruhi wearing a bikini? I forget which episode it is exactly, but Haruhi essentially catches Tamaki looking like he's fondling it in a sexually suggestive manner

Which made me really wonder why NOBODY in the host club bother pointing that out?

Haruhi, meanwhile, also gets hit over the head with the “you’re in love with Tamaki” lines so many times i swear it was brainwashing.

Bolded because that's what it felt like to me as well, which is probably why I ended up ragequitting too

It’s sad because you really see no difference between how she treats all the other hosts compared to him. She loves them all; with her being closest friend-wise to the twins due to their age, Mori being a source of strength and understanding, Hunny with comfort and support (cake), and Kyouya intellectually and emotionally more open to her. Tamaki is almost exactly the same personality as her father so she mostly gets annoyed at his attentions and childish antics.

How does everything end? Some really stupid fight and stand-off i don’t remember, where Haruhi wears her “boyish” clothes and Tamaki ignores her for it. The others beat Haruhi’s head down enough that she admits she loves Tamaki, they rejoice, then they DRESS HER UP ALL PRETTY to throw her in Tamaki’s lap as she confesses. Before she goes to study in the USA for a year, the school throws her a goodbye party where they force her into a dress to throw at Tamaki again. Because who cares if she’s comfortable! She must look best for her new beau! The time comes when she must leave Tamaki and the others for a year. Oh man, is she excited to be on her own with room to breathe and just study! No romance or crazy schemes or pressure to change! 

OHOHOHOHOHOHO TAMAKI AND THE WHOLE CLUB SURPRISE HER BY COMING AND LIVING IN THE SAME BUILDING. Tamaki cries when she’s adamant they won’t be sharing a bedroom. Seriously. That’s how this thing ends up treating its heroine. She’s amazing but she’s not the amazing she’s “supposed” to be. Heaven forbid she gets a year to herself to realize her own identity. (For the record, i adore every character including Tamaki, i really do. Tamaki/Kyouya was always incredibly beautiful in how they complete each other and sacrifice. I’m just disappointed in the writing overall.)

It really wouldn't surprise me if this is somehow  tied into my main beef with females and pseudo-independence. I may end up writing about this separately, but long story short, and to quote others who have said it better that I may have :

all her independence is nullified when the moral of half the stories focuses on how she needs to rely on the big wad of men around her more...I was trying to point out that Haruhi’s independence as a positive trait was sabotaged by how often she needs to rely on other people. When the overall message of the story is, ‘you should let other people help you more often,’ independence is a negative trait. The only times Haruhi’s independence is portrayed as a positive trait is when it’s the punchline of a gag or one of the guys is mooning over her, appreciating her independence.

And like you, I don't actually hate tamaki either (granted, I do think that I do have an issue with the fact that whilst tamaki isn't perfect, I go the impression nether the narrative nor the author treated his flaws as having real consequences, o something he should change ( unlike haruhi, because being independent means she'll be in danger because she doesn't realise she's a girl zomg think of the children! / sarcasm)

To finally answer the question brought up in the original post: I honestly don’t know why the only way to validate a character, or increase the audience’s connection to him/her, is to have someone love them romantically. If they’re not lovable (fans don’t count), they must be the villain. It’s like no matter what other obstacles they need to overcome as the main protagonist, they need a love interest to also win. For male characters this is usually like a bonus trophy. For female characters it’s apparently about them realizing there was some big hole in their life or they needed to love themselves before they could love others or—i dunno—some other bullshit. A woman without love is the Old Maid in the cardgame, or the unmarried town librarian that finally makes Jimmy Stuart want to live again. Clarence!

For Tamaki and Haruhi, it’s a case of these very intelligent teenagers (mature enough to plan their own futures and run a multi-million-dollar company) being treated like toddlers who need to have their emotions psychoanalyzed and explained to them. Like when you’re four and going “When i grow up i want to marry Daddy,” and everyone laughs and tries to explain why love+marriage is different. Because a child is told “you marry someone you love” and sees no difference in the many kinds of love possible. As if the adult explaining forgot there’s more than one kind as well. BUT THAT’S A CHILD. You shouldn’t have to tell a 17yr what they really feel for a friend is romantic love! I’m pretty sure they know the difference by then! I’m 99% positive one calling the friend his “daughter” isn’t some Freudian mental block! And i’m 100% sure if someone isn’t accepting of your space and comfort, you shouldn’t get pushed into dating them!