#aroace logan

And you bet Remus loves them both so much romantically and is all sappy and kisses the living shit out of them when they allow it. Those are HIS partners even if they don't feel romantic love it's still just as real

My first ts fanfic, so of course it's Logan angst.

Word Count: 879

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Logan tried to push aside his emotions. They weren't logical. They couldn't be real. He couldn't be feeling, because it wasn't logical to feel. He couldn't be upset.

Broken.

No. Logical. Not broken. His logic was faultless.

Robot.

A machine. A perfectly functioning, well-oiled machine. Not broken. Logan could never be broken.

Then why was he sitting here at his desk, hands balled into fists, a dull ache in his chest threatening to explode in a fit of tears? Was he really broken because he didn't feel the same as they did? Was it so bad to not experience attraction? Was he broken for not being capable of feeling that electric pull to people who were conventionally attractive? Was he really broken for being unable to feel the gentle affection of romance? Was there any other word other than broken?

No.

Logan refused to let that word get to him. Broken. He wasn't broken. He was logical. And emotions weren't logical. It was illogical to be upset over being called broken, because it was a falsehood. 

Was it?

Logan tried to tell himself that he didn't believe he was broken. No. Falsehood. He believed it. He was broken. He was born broken. He couldn't be fixed. He was a faulty machine, faulty functioning, faulty logic. He was failing.

To break or not to break?

He was crying.

He observed that tears felt hotter than he expected. He hadn't quite expected the lump in his throat to be anything other than a metaphorical barrier to speech, yet here it was. He felt like he couldn't breathe properly. Perhaps it was fitting to describe tears as choking. His chest felt tight and dull and empty. 

If not having feelings made him broken, but crying meant you were broken, then was this a paradox? He was fixed in the sense he was feeling, but broken in the sense that he was crying. 

Broken.

Logan was broken.

Would he feel things now? Would he feel an electric pull? A romantic pull? Would he be a human, and not a robot? Was he fixed?

If he was fixed, then why did he feel so broken? 

He tried to force away the sadness with a straight face, but it didn't work. Schooling his features finally failed him, wouldn't allow him to halt the tears. 

Had he always felt? Had he buried it so deep inside that he'd forgotten he could feel? Was it illogical to suppress his feelings? 

Broken.

That's how Logan felt, now he was finally feeling, finally fixed. He always felt broken. 

It was time to rejoin the others, but the decision he had to make next weighed heavy on his heart. Was it truly logical to conceal the fact that he had experienced crying? Or was it logical to seek help? The illogical part of him told him to conceal it. He hadn't realised how much he'd been listening to the illogical side of himself. He chastised himself over his broken logic, and decided to do the logical- albeit terrifying- thing: open up.

When he rejoined the others, they all looked up to him. Logan couldn't read their expressions. He believed it may be compassion, but emotions weren't his strong point. People weren't his strong point. "I believe I have experienced being sad," Logan announced. Patton immediately stood and opened his arms for a hug, before pausing and lowering his arms. Logan was grateful that Patton had remembered that he was touch averse. 

"But this doesn't make sense," Virgil pointed out, "you don't feel." 

Objectively, Logan knew that Virgil was merely pointing out the truth- or at least, what had been the truth until today. Emotionally, Logan felt wounded.

Broken.

"Who made you sad? I shall duel them to the death!"

"Thank you, Princey," Logan replied, "but that's not necessary. I appear to have come to the realisation that allowing oneself to feel is logical and to suppress emotions is counter-intuitive. However, the consequences of reaching that conclusion have been the onset of some emotions."

"That's not a bad thing, Logan," Patton said gently, "it's okay to be sad sometimes."

"The problem is, I still appear to be broken. I appear incapable of feeling the full range of human emotions. Namely, sexual and romantic attraction."

"You're not broken," everybody said at once, and Logan frowned. 

"You're not broken," Patton repeated gently, "you're asexual and aromantic." 

Oh.

Logan had heard those words before. Of course he had. He knew every word. But for some reason, he'd never realised that they could be applicable to him. He was so adamant that he was broken that he hadn't entertained the notion that he wasn't broken, that there were words, labels, that described his experience. 

Not broken? 

Summary: Virgil is anxious about showing pride. Logan's having none of that.

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Virgil glances around then, the crowd of bright colors, and face paint surrounding him and Logan. Some completely oblivious to how awkward they most likely looked walking aimlessly down the path like they were, while others stared at them for a few seconds after having to push past them as they were walking way too slow. Not welcome. Run. Take Logan and run before they know. He starts biting the zipper on the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Virgil!" Logan says exasperated. Shit I zoned out again, didn't I. He doesn't respond, trying to fully wake up from his daze. It wasn't until he proceeded to grab his wrist, stopping them both, that he snapped back to reality completely, and looked at his hand. "Virgil, are you okay." Logan demands after probably asking that already too. Maybe. He wasn't sure. He blinked a few times, and Logan let go of him.

"What?" He asks, raising an eyebrow at him. That makes him frown. Good going Virge. You confused him.

"As I was going to say, Roman stated that he, and Patton were near the stage. I was going to suggest we go find them, but you seem distressed," Logan explains, crossing his arms and studying him closely.

"No more than usual. There are a lot of people here." A lot of people to judge us. He adds on in his head and glances down at Logan's polo shirt. Three small pins were fastened to the left side. He wanted to rip two of them off. It might not be safe here. He might be harassed if someone sees. Protect.

"Yes. We are at a festival. However this seems to be more than your usual amount of social anxiety," he observes, looking to where Virgil is staring, then back up to him. He then removes the tote bag he had secured on his back, and starts looking through it. "Oh. Did you want your flag? It's in my backpack, I grabbed it before we le-"

Virgil finches, and steps away from him, which stops Logan from his rambling. He pulls the flag out, folded neatly and only with the black visible, and once again looks confused, slowly piecing together what was happening.

"You don't know what everyone's thinking," Virgil explains quietly, avoiding his eyes. "You know people hate us. You know they don't think we belong here. What's the point of even... existing here?"

Silence falls between the two. Great. Wonderful. You ruined it. He's going to hate you too. Virgil looks down at the ground, and fidgets with his sleeve zipper again. You shouldn't have said anything.

He jumps slightly as Logan drapes the ace flag over his shoulders, and stares at him as he ties it around his neck.

Logan smiles back. "The fear you're feeling is exactly why we belong here." He adjusts the flag so that it looks more presentable, and digs through his bag again.

He continues as he searches. "We've lived a majority of our lives not knowing there was a name for what we were," he pulls out an aromantic pin identical to the one he's wearing, and pins it to Virgil's hoodie. "People proceeded to hate us for existing. Questioned our validity. They tried to make us an illness. Tell us we could be fixed because we exist in a way they do not care to understand. Sound familiar?"

Virgil examines how he looks, slowly starting to feel more at ease. "And even to this day our existence is questioned. Our place, and our right to feel pride for the progress those like us have accomplish is questioned, and there are attempts from our own community for it to even be denied, Virgil."

Virgil looks at him and frowns when his voice gains an edge to it, and Logan's frustrated glare could kill a man. "Don't let anyone tell you differently. For people like us, existing is reason enough."