#anxiety trigger

“And it thundered and there was lightning and rain, but we stayed safe and survived through the whole parade! It wasn’t too bad a storm, (cuz if it was, we woulda had to take shelter) but being outside in even a light thunderstorm is nerve racking.”

“THERE WAS A HUGE RAINBOW AFTERWARDS!”

angst & fluff !

warning talks about weight, anxiety, self-conscious thoughts, & loss of confidence / motivation.

it was late. you were wrapped in your blankets, trying your best to calm your shaky breathe. today had been difficult, to say the least. your mom had been obsessed with diets recently, to a point where she stopped buying everything you liked. cookies, small snacks, sugary sweets or drinks.

she was a sweet mom. you appreciated her efforts but at the same time, you felt exhausted. of course you wished to have a certain type of body and feel comfortable in it. you wished to look at yourself in the mirror and smile at what you saw.. but how could you? your mom, dad, you repeated the problems with your weight constantly.

it was something that affected your mental health. you wished to feel comfortable in your own body, yet sometimes it became hard. what was harder was the fear of losing your boyfriend, jungwon.

he was an idol. a leader of a famous group, with tons of beautiful fans. people with eccentric and captivating features that you lacked, or so you thought. he, on the other hand, was perfect in every way possible. anyone could be lucky to have him. someone prettier, more talented, more.

before you knew it, your thoughts had gotten the best of you again. tears streamed down your crismon cheeks, as you covered your face in frustration. your small moment had blocked out all noise, even the one of the opening door as jungwon entered your bedroom.

every weekend, he went to your house to see you, as he had more time available to do so. he had told you he couldn’t visit you today because he was busy. in reality, he had gone to get your favorite snacks and one of his sweaters to give you.

you had told him about the diets. comments that you saw as normal worried him, how you saw yourself made his heart ache heavily. therefore, he had made it his duty you ate well and took care of yourself, even if you weren’t with him. as soon as he saw you in such a vulnerable state, he left the bags he had brought on the side of your bed, running to your side. worry was evident in his face, but he tried his best to control it.

“baby, please take deep breathes, yeah? i’m here, you’re okay,” he said, just as his hyungs had taught him to. when he found out about your anixety, he talked to heesung and sunghoon about it. they found ways for him to help you and so he did.

you did as he said, taking deep breathes, focusing on his eyes that followed your every move. he was so delicate. the way he held your hand, stroke your baby hairs out of your puffy face. jungwon was a literal angel.

“want to talk about it? if not, i brought snacks and—”

“do you like me? even if i don’t look like those idols you see in award shows these days or, instagram models. do you still want to be with me, jungie?” you spoke, feeling your voice break slightly. you had called by his nickname, because this time you weren’t mad at him. you wanted him to know you weren’t mad at him, you were mad at yourself.

right then and there, he felt his heart break. no, not because you had questioned what he felt. but because you had hurt yourself to a point where you believed those things to be true.

“princess. y/n, i love you. and no number on a scale, no curves, no looks could change the way i feel about you. i know you feel.. scared to lose me, sometimes. but my feelings for you are real. you are real, we are real. and i love that about you. your dumb jokes, your silly laugh. your fascination for animals, and nature. how excited you get when you see something you like. i would never trade that for a superficial relationship, love. never,” he spoke.

his words felt so safe. you were lost in the way he stroke your cheek while speaking, smiling at the mere mention of his love for you.

“don’t question how i feel about you ever again, or i’ll have to bite you,” he said, this time taking your hand in his and gently nibbling on one of your fingers, making you stiffle a giggle.

then, he accommodated his body to be beside you, your body on his chest as he kissed your head. he reached for the bag of snacks he brought, along with his hoodie.

“this is for you. don’t worry, your mom knows i brought all these, we’ll share them,” you smiled at his words, taking a pack of oreos before pecking his cheek.

“thank you, jungie.”

Loud crowded spaces

Escape rooms

Trying to listen to two different things at once

Unexpected questions

Cluttered spaces

Noise while I’m trying to read/concentrate

Being rushed

Things that calm my anxiety:

Art museums

Libraries

Quiet spaces in general

Soothing music

Walking around shopping malls when there aren’t many people around

Replaying my favorite video games so I know what to do and what’s going to happen

Needlework

Reading in a quiet space

Wrapping up snuggly in a fuzzy blanket

Listening to rain and thunderstorms

Petting cats

Scrolling through my favorite things on Tumblr

TO PEOPLE WITH ANXIETY OR SENSITIVITY TO NOISES

If you are watching YouTube and an ad comes up that is a black screen with a typing sound that starts with 'it's not just a bad flu' PLEASE remove your earbuds/headphones or mute the video.

New York Times decided that the best way to show the severity of covid-19 was to make a video that started off quiet with typing, and then a jarring noise increasing in volume as the video played on.

Be careful out there.