Ranty vent coming up ignore.
I fucking hate being a hypochondriac, because I have the kind that decides I have an immediately life-threatening condition everyday. Like I can just be going about my day as usual, then I'll smell something that even vaguely smells like toast and suddenly I'm going down a spiral of thinking I have a stroke. Weird mark on my face? Sepsis. Headache? Brain aneurysm or brain cancer.
It's even worse when there's things that I know I have. I have a family history of migraines. My mum has a weird heart thing that means nothing. Not mentioning allergies, regular illnesses etc. My eczema has been a source for issues before. I know I've had periods of anaemia
Like sure I'm not diagnosed with anything other than autism but I don't think any of this is normal human behaviour at this point. The slightest bump becomes worse case scenario. I am hypervigilant for marks, changes, muscle weaknesses, anything that could mean I am actively dying and need to plan my funeral at any given moment.
And i have these periods of different obsessions, a couple of months ago it was lung cancer or lung failure or something to that effect. Now its head stuff and sepsis. And it's daily at this point.
My anxiety gets so bad I get muscle twitches from it. And it very different from my stimming - it's largely involuntary and sudden. And I know its anxiety based because the more I worry the worse it gets and I don't know what it is just that it started when all this started.
I want it to stop, I want to be able to stop worrying so much, and I want it to go back to what it was like before. That's all I want.
Anyways.
