#angty

What were you going to do? Life was never very kind to you, to begin with. You grew up on the streets as an orphan. You became a criminal and was welcomed with open arms into a gang. You were still in that gang, Dutch Van der Linde’s wild world opened you up to an opportunity not many like you had. That was all very much about to change. You walked the sidewalks as the rain grew heavier and harder. It wasn’t long before you were soaked from head to toe. At least this way no one could see the few tears escaping from your hollow eyes.

There wasn’t much to explain. Simply put, you were pregnant. And so you were pregnant with a child you didn’t really want, nor did anyone really want. Especially the man responsible for this. You had no idea who to turn too. Honestly, you were pretty set in the idea that you’d run into the woods and starve to death. You were not fit to be anybody’s mother. You were an outlaw, a wanted criminal, and a bit of a reckless fool. That’s what got you here in the first place.

“(Y/N)!” You snapped out of your thought, looking around in the rain for who was calling out to you. It was Hosea, he had brought you Saint-Denis and you totally forgot he was waiting for you in a bar a few streets down from the doctor’s office. He was waving at you, trying to get you to walk over under the terrace and out of the rain.

You looked around, noticing the street was completely empty. You ran across the brick road and towards Hosea. He gave you a smile, completely unaware of the dire situation. 

“No good books?” He asked you. For a second you were confused, but then you remembered the lie you told him earlier. You said you wanted to get some books, and used that to cover up the fact you went to see a doctor to confirm your suspicions. 

“Oh-... No,” You took a free hand and swiped away the mixture of tears and rain, “Not today,” You sounded very defeated and somber, “Nothing good today,”

Hosea picked up on your poor mood, “They’ll be more books, (Y/N),” He put a hand on your shoulder as he guided you to walk with him, “No need to sound so disappointed. I’m sure Dutch has something you can read too.” His kindness was toxic. This made it very hard for your fragile mind to handle. He started to walk inside the little shabby saloon but you stopped. Something told you not to go inside, that you’d make it a much more awful day if you gave into the depression swelling in your heart.

When you didn’t follow him in, Hosea looked back at you with a question as he raised his brows, “Something wrong, (Y/N)?”

Thunder cascaded down like a sonic boom right above the city. You barely flinched as the lighting flicker in the sky. Biting your lip and staring hard at the ground, you just shook your head, “I can’t...”

Confused, Hosea step closer and asked, “You can’t?”

As your lip started to quiver and the shooting pain swelled in your through, you couldn’t stop the sob that rolled from your chest like you were dying, “I can’t go in there, I’ll be.. I’ll be an awful person... if I do,” You started to sob, each hiccup matching the rain behind you. It was like you were the sky itself, crying out in pain and fear.

Hosea rushed to pull you closer to the building and further away from the street and rain. He didn’t talk you inside the saloon but you stood in front of one of the windows, “(Y/N). Hey- hey now, what’s gotten into you, (Y/N)?”

There was no point keeping it a secret. You’d be found out no matter what in due time. You dug the palms of your hands into your eyes as you sobbed, “Hosea... Hosea, I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant- and.. an-and... and it’s Arthur’s. I know- I know... I know it’s his.” You were to busy rubbing your tears away to see the astonishment on Hosea’s face. He was always nice to you, ever since you were a kid. He was more of a father to you than Dutch. If there was anyone you could talk to, it was surely Hosea.

He understood where you were coming from. His face dropped and he said, “Oh, (Y/N),” He took a deep breath, “I’m... This truly is worth being disappointed over,” He looked around, the rain didn’t seem like letting up anytime soon. He lightly grabbed your arm, “Let’s go inside anyways, get you dry, alright?” You just nodded your head and followed him into the bar.

It was small and musty inside, with only a handful of people. There was a spot in the back were you and Hosea sat down. The bartender came over, asking if you wanted anything. Hosea kindly turned him away with a smile.

You tried your best not to cry, it was embarrassing. You felt so lost and weak, you truly felt like you were at the dead end of your life.

“You’ll be alright,” Hosea told you from across the small round table, “I’m sure we can find a way to work this out- You know Abigal can really hel-”

You cut Hosea off with a sharp and quick, “No,” You let out a small sob, and covered your mouth, as if the whisper you let out was from the devil himself, “I don’t want it. I don’t want this baby.” You really didn’t. You weren’t that young, you didn’t know how to be a mother. You were not fit to be a mother either. Arthur surely wasn’t going to help you, you knew that for a fact. When you started.... getting involved with him, you both made it very clear that your relationship was purely physical. Nothing more than that. 

It was definitely a lie at this point that you didn’t have feelings for him in some way shape or form. You definitely cared about him, but you wouldn’t say you loved him. He was, in fact, far worse than you. Over the course of the years, especially now, Arthur had become more and more of a... well... He wasn’t a good man. He was in the same boat as you. 

“What do I do?” You finally asked Hosea. You felt awful because here you were with a life growing inside you and you just wanted to get rid of it. Would you really though? You had no idea what to do.

Hosea nodded his head slowly, he was far more understanding about this than you thought he’d originally been, “Well... You can do everything in your power to kill the child before it’s born. It’s... not the most... It’s not the nicest way and a lot of people will tell you to go to hell, but that’s your decision at the end of the day.” He was right, this wasn’t the nicest option, but it was an option, “Or you... you can wait and wait until the day the child is born and leave them in an orphanage, also not very nice.” No, that's exactly what happened to you. There was no way in hell that you’d do that, you knew how awful it was to be an orphan left to basically die on the doorsteps of a home for children.

You took a deep breath, shaky and wheezy, “Or... I keep it,” You felt bad calling it an it but you didn’t have any other names at the moment.

“That is the last option,” Hosea nodded his head, “I’m sure the gang wouldn’t mind.”

You shook your head quickly while rubbing the snot out from under your nose, “I can’t stay in the gang- I can’t... I can’t be around Arthur.”

That what the other thing scaring you. You really didn’t want to get him involved. You knew how he felt about the topic already, it only felt right to keep him in the dark.

Thank God that Hosea understood your pain, he seemed to agree with you on that, “Arthur has already had this happen to him before, he didn’t want to be a father then, nothing will make him want to be a father now. I’m really sorry, (Y/N), but you chose the worst person to mess around with. The man is so broken, he’s... Arthur really isn’t worth your time, dear. You could do so much better than that empty-headed thug.”

You shrugged and shook your head, “I don’t love him, not really. I mean... I care about him. We grew up together, you and Dutch raised us to be the perfect outlaws,” The poor joke caused a brief chuckle between the two of you. You looked out the tiny window across the bar, seeing the rain had started to let up. You felt barely better, but you felt as though you had a clearer mind.

“Are you going to leave then?” Hosea finally asked the big question. At the moment, your answer was yes. But you knew when the time came to actually leave, you might not be able to do it. You stubbornly didn’t want to give up the only life you knew, but at the same time, you already made that to leave when you decided to fool around with Arthur. The risk was there, you knew it, but it’s hard to say no when temptation was so nice to say yes too.

Finally, after several minutes of mulling it all over, you nodded your head, “Yeah... Yes. I need too,”

“And that means keeping the child?”

You nodded your head, saying, “Yes... Maybe. I won’t... I won’t be so terrible and force a miscarriage. When it’s born... I’ll decide if I can leave them in an orphanage or not. It depends. If I can get away now and secure a better life, then maybe I’ll be a mother. But I will not raise this child in a gang, or living on the run, or in any other place that isn’t right to raise a kid.”

Hosea had a little smile twitch on his face, “You already sound like a mother,” He said lightly. It honestly made you feel... better, “But you have to know how hard it is to raise a child on our own. Even if it is Arthur’s wouldn’t you want the help of others?”

“Honestly,” You tangled your fingers together, holding your hands and ringing them nervously, “I just need money. A good amount of money and I think I’d be okay. Maybe a how-to book too.” It felt good to let the corner of your lips curl into the smallest smile as you and Hosea shared another light chuckle.

The rain had finally stopped and so you and Hosea left and headed back to Shady Belle. The rider there was silent, but in a comforting way, It gave you time to think about what to do next. You made up your mind to leave tonight. Hosea said he’d talk to Dutch and explain the situation as best he could, he even said he’d steal some camp funds for you to be on your way.

You had your own tent pitched behind the farmhouse of Shady Belle. You beelined to get there as quickly as you could while Hosea worked some magic. You started taking everything down, ignoring the stares and silent questions. You made sure to pack everything as neatly and tightly as you could.

Eventually, someone came over to ask you what was going on, and why you were packing your things up. That someone, was Arthur, of course, the most curious about you and your actions.

He’d also be lying if he said didn’t care about you. Though the feeling was mutual, he didn’t love you like a lover would, but he did love you for the simple fact that you’ve been in his life for so long. You could remember when Dutch and Hosea stole you away from the orphanage shortly after they stole Arthur away from the streets. It wasn’t long before the picked up John too. What a dysfunctional family this was.

While you folding up the last of your close, Arthur came over and stood there, watching you without saying a thing. This was the first time you’ve seen in three days. And the last time you spoke to him was almost a week ago. You had already started distancing yourself from him. At least he didn’t seem to mind, and he wasn’t being clingy about it. That was good.

“Can I help you?” You asked him without turning away from your work.

“I think I should be the one asking you that,” He retorted. He stood there with his arms crossed like he was your boss or something.

“No, I don’t need any help,” You put your last shirt into the small suitcase you had and slammed it closed and latched it shut.

“Where are you going?” Arthur asked the question everyone was wondering. It was obvious that you were packing your things up to leave, “How long will you be gone?” Like he honestly cared? No. You didn’t believe he did.

You had nearly packed everything. You wondered if you had enough room on your horse for everything. You didn’t have a lot, just a suitcase and two bags and a tent rolled up, “I don’t know,” You lied to him, “Not sure,” it wasn’t that much of a lie. You had a vague idea that you’d be heading north.

“So you don’t know where you’re going? You’re just... packing up and leaving? And you don’t know when you’ll be back?” He had some nerve to give you the attitude that was laced in his voice.

You finally stood up straight and snapped around to look at him, “What does it matter to you?” You felt a wild rage flare up inside you. This was just as much as his fault that you had to do this.

“It matters when I see someone packing up and leaving, especially when it’s someone whos been here twice as long as everyone else. So are you coming back or not?” It was very obvious that you were leaving and clearly, you didn’t have the intention coming back, so why was he asking.

“Arthur,” You started, “I’m leaving, and that’s it. I don’t need to explain myself to you,” You walked past him as you piled your last bag together with the others.

“I think you do,” He said, which irritated you, “I don’t think Dutch would take lightly to you leaving eith-”

You cut him off, snapping, “Dutch already knows! And he doesn’t care! So you should stop caring too!” You pointed a finger at him, glaring, and angrier than you should have been, “Go back to getting drunk and shooting people for fun!” 

For a second, it looked like you hurt him. He winced at your words ever so slightly. That was quickly replaced with a wave of anger all his own, “What the hell has gotten into you? Where is your sense of loyalty? You’re just running away, huh?”

God, why did he have to make this so hard, “Because. Arthur. I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back. Why do you even care? We aren’t married, we only fucked a few times and all of a sudden it’s like you own me! I’m my own person, I can come and go as I please, and I plan on going and going far away from here and you!” Everyone in camp was either watching your listening in at the point. Not every day did they get to see drama like this.

You grabbed onto your two bags, quickly walking away and to your horse. Arthur was just as quick to follow you. He could have been nice and grabbed the only bag you had left but, no. He was more concerned about himself, or about you but... in a selfish way.

“So this gang means nothing to you? Everything we’ve done and it’s just... nothing?”

Why couldn’t he leave you alone? Jesus! You rushed back to get your last bag and of course, Arthur followed you. This was embarrassing, you wished you could have just slipped away in the night. 

As you grabbed your last bag, Arthur tried taking it from you, “Go away!” You yelled at him, “Fuck off, Arthur! I’m nothing to you! You know I am. Everything is nothing to you!” You kept your bag out of his reach, “You’re just an awful man! How many times this month did we break you out of jail? How many corpses did you rob today? How many people did you steal from? You use to be so good, you used to have morals. Now you just don’t care. So fuck off! I don’t need you, I don’t need your help, I don’t owe you anything and I don’t need to tell you why I’m leaving. So just fuck off!!”

Finally it got through to him that you weren’t going to give into his demands. He stood there, stunned by the sheer venom dripping off each of your words. He didn’t say anything, he just glared at you for a second before turning away and stomping off like a child.

Once you saw his back, you let out a breath you didn’t relaize you were holding. You noticed Dutch and Hosea standing on the steps of the farmhouse. You looked around and everyone was staring at you. The urge to cry was strong, but you swallowed it down and went over to Hosea.

“(Y/N)-” Hosea started but Dutch cut him off.

“I’ll talk to him,” He said, “Be well, girl,” He put a hand on your shoulder as he passed you and he gave you this knowing look. He understood what was going on and gave you his blessing to leave and do what was right for you and your unborn child.

You turned to Hosea, he held out a stack of cash. There was a lot there, “This should be enough to help your for a month or two,” You took the cash and stuck it into your back pocket.

“Thank you... Thank you so much, Hosea,” You shared a brief hug with him, thanking him one more time.