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I am generally of the opinion that relationships from past lives are dead and gone. No amount of missing and pining will bring them back, and you can’t force the same relationship dynamic on a brand new person. And yet, I still find myself missing… being a human is not for the faint of heart.
-🪞angel devil
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To Denji & Reze:
I really am sorry about what happened in the alleyway. Willingly or not, it was still me she used to do it.
Reze, for what it’s worth, your face haunted my sleep until my time came. I’m sorry I didn’t look you in the eye. I don’t know what happened to you after Makima’s death, but I truly hope you escaped to somewhere better.
Denji, I know we hardly talked, but I’m sorry no one ever told you that Reze was on her way back to you. If the two of you had gotten the chance to run, I would’ve kept your secret.
— The Angel Devil, Chainsaw Man
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chainsaw man kinners, im making a soup so good right now, does anyone want some
-- angel devil 0 :}
(also, i hope you're all doing well now. especially you, aki. i uh... very much care about you a lot. to say the least.)
]
i smoked today. it made me think of you. those strong hands cradling such a delicate paper stick, scratching against the filter with your fingernail. such a weird nervous habit. so inexplicably human. i didnt understand why humans smoked, not back then. i still dont, not really. i wonder what you knew that i never managed to figure out.
live a full life aki. far away from people like me, people that will steal the life right from you. its the least you deserve. - angel devil (chainsaw man)
I don’t know what on earth has gone on to force my brain to put me in charge but this is so insanely unfair it’s ridiculous. It’s likely some combo of feeing trapped in my situation and feeling insanely disconnected from people, but seriously? get me out of here?
I’d say there has been some good-I’m getting a lot of nice snacks and some people seem to like me. it’s… hard to get close to people, though. in the past several relationships have ended because I’ve been the one to show up and not tolerate shitty behavior.
I’ve thought long and hard about my stance on seeking out sourcemates. I’d like to, I want to commiserate and swap stories and worldbuilding tidbits that haven’t been touched on in source. I’ve reached out a few times and haven’t gotten any takers, which is fair. small world out there it seems. It seems a lot of what people want to do is kindate which is for sure nooot what I’m after. the only person I have solid, actual memories of liking beyond a feeling was pretty serious, he could be kinda intense. veeerry goal driven (hi aki). I’m sure we’re both in a position in our lives where we just couldn’t make it work. though I really just don’t want to feel forced into a situation where one single person wants to talk to me and we mesh so badly I despawn from stress
- Angel Devil (chainsaw man)
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denji… in a better world I feel we would have been pretty good friends. hit me up, let’s get burgers.
- angel devil (chainsaw man)
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For canon squicks: I strongly dislike when people don't really pay attention to my characterization. It's more subtle in comparison to the major characters (Denji, Aki, Power, Asa, etc) but it was there, and if you were paying attention, you know I wouldn't be as careless with human life as I'm made out to be. My laziness also stemmed from festering, undiscovered guilt + my own subconscious desire to go against what Public Safety had in store for me. I just wanted to live peacefully guys
-The Angel Devil, CSM
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(p.s mpc i think this would prob qualify as character hate & prevabuse. thank you! i also don't intend for this to be a canon call, i'm just writing down my thoughts n it's easier to do so when addressing the person it's about directly.) i have the perspective in this life to somewhat understand why she ruined me twice. her greatest wish was to stand on equal footing with someone, and to form genuine bonds in the ways humans so naturally do. perhaps it wasn't conscious malice- or maybe it was, and it wouldn't really make that much of a difference.
makima, did you envy me? when you found me on the beach that day, surrounded by people who accepted me and who i loved in turn, did jealousy motivate what you did? a part of me hopes so, even if selfishly. it would be easier to process if i could empathize with you, if it was in some way personal- if what you lacked contributed at all to what you took. i don't know. it's just difficult to wrap my head around how you uprooted everything so easily, and how insignificant the suffering you caused was to you.
i won't get into what happened with hayakawa and i. he lost more on that day than i did, so i don't feel as though it's really my place to speak about what took place when we sought out your help. i just can't help but wonder if you projected onto me in any way after you funnelled me into public safety. you and i both had barriers that prevented us from connecting to others, even if those obstacles were different in nature. did some part of you resent me for growing to care about him even after you took my memories? did it frustrate you? did you feel isolated, seeing a blank slate begin to recover in ways so (seemingly) unattainable to you? i can't know you like you know yourself, but i would be bitter, i think. it's hard to put myself in your shoes.
this got longer than i intended it to, and i don't think my previous self would've tried to understand you. i was too angry then, and i'm still angry now. i just wish i had the closure of knowing for certain what you felt, and if you did what you did unfeelingly.
-the angel devil, chainsaw man
frog
