#amitryptiline

I promised folks a “sober” episode.  Sadly, the meds got the better of me and you can see [hear] my mind trailing off.  In this episode I do a quick roundup of the health situation and discuss games and TV shows.

I jump from topic to topic here, similar to a Frankie Boyle live show…only he’s entertaining!

This was recorded over a week ago so it’s a tad out of date (sorry!) but I’m hoping to get…

I managed to insert the smallest plastic "downtrainer" (pictured above, on the left), all the way into the vagina! For someone who has never been able to touch the vulva without intense pain, let alone inserting whatever, this pretty much feels like a crazy miracle. So how did this happen? Read on.

Between the last post and this one, I moved back to London, and as you can imagine, takes time to get into the health system here, figuring out who to see, how much, and where. 

In that time period, I did my best to continue my treatment, having been interrupted for about a month when I was very sick off and on with nasty flu and stomach bug that went around in winter here.

Treatment is as follows: 

1. taking Gabapentin at my regular dose (3 times a day, 1 pill in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, 2 at night, 300 mg pills each).

2. Applying the compounded cream of Amytriptyline on Macadamia Oil base that I wrote about in one of the previous posts, using the smallest plastic downtrainer.

By the way my physio doesn't like the term dilators, she said "there's no need to dilate the vagina, you need to downtrain the nervous system", so there you go). 

I have been doing those 2 things in conjunction for about 4 months now. The stinging sensation when applying the cream continues, unfortunately. But now we know it's because of the medication inside the cream, so not much we can do about that.

About a month ago, I thought I'd try inserting the smallest downtrainer with the help of some oil-based lubricant, right after an orgasm. Half lying down, half sitting up, it went all the way in. I couldn't believe it! 

I then tried using the next size up (Picture above, on the right). No luck. Tried using the smallest size again, no luck. Tried this a couple more times after each orgasm, no luck. 

Then suddenly two days ago, I was squatting (this position is when the pelvic floor muscles are at its most relaxed state, apparently), applying the topical cream as usual, and the downtrainer went all the way in. 

After this, I have managed to repeat the experience two more times, non-orgasm related, and only when squatting. I have even managed to slide it in-and-out, probing for tight spots inside, and I could indeed feel the muscles resisting here and there. The pain just past the entrance to the vagina remained, but not as intense, for some reason. It's rather interesting, because it seems that the ease with which the downtrainer slides in, is affected by the angle at which it's inserted. And it seems that it differs day by day, hour by hour. Sometimes, it seems the vagina is saying NO WAY! and sometimes it's 'hmm, maybe, how about this? how about that?'.

(image courtesy of Wikipedia). So it has been around 3 weeks since I started applying the compounded cream containing 2% Amytriptyline on Macadamia Oil base. About a week into it, I upped the dose to twice a day, morning and evening, each time, putting a dollop of the stuff on my middle left finger, trying my best to get as much of it onto the affected area as possible. I can't push my finger into my vaginal opening, so whatever application has to be on the outside, hoping as much of it 'seeps' thru.  Yesterday was my first GP visit after I've been on the compounded cream as well as on 5 pills of Gaba a day (300 mg each).  She got me on to the exam table, and oh, the DREADED cotton tip test. I think it's hillarious how an object that's so lame and harmless can incite such fear in my heart when it's in the right context. And I am sure I am not the only one here. Makes me wanna laugh.  She prodded around the labia majora, no pain, as usual, then around the edges of labia minora--slight niggly feeling, then closer to the vaginal opening but still on the labia. Now this would usually trigger such grimace-inducing pain sensation (7-8 out of 10, I'd say), but all i got was more slight niggly-ness. She then touched the area AT the opening itself, and I yelped in pain. Not much progress on that particular spot. But overall, this is an improvement on the provoked pain side of things. And I'm pretty happy, yet at the same time conscious of not wanting to make a big deal out of this yet, until I am more sure. 

Went to pelvic floor physio today--as usual, all she could do was finger-pressure-on-perineum as well as vigorous massages on the tummy and legs. But today she seems to think that my perineum area feels softer than it has ever been. I couldn't notice the difference at all, but she did, so--as usual....