#amelioration

Truly surreal being this far in after how agonizingly long and grueling the wait felt between knowing what I was feeling and doing something about it.

Unbelievably worth it.

One of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

There used to be this constant, grating noise, grinding against the back of my mind. Something’s wrong. Something feels out of place. Something feels like it’s eating away at me from inside my veins. Something is chemically imbalanced. I could feel how wrong something was. All the time. Constantly. For years.

For 4 years that noise has been gone. Now I just feel normal.

There’s still so much more to do, so much further to go.

LEARN ABOUT CLEMENTINE!

After losing all his memories and waking up in an unfamiliar place, he struggles to find meaning due to a lack of any protocols or missions within his code that he can locate- for the first time in his life he must choose for himself what it is he wants to do. He can’t remember who exactly he was or what he was created for, but he does know one thing for sure. His most recent, pressing protocol, an almost constant blaring red indicative pop-up constantly within the corner of his vision reads: PROTECT LILITH GRAY.

I had no idea what I was doing, but I had a good time anyway. Lol

All that glitters is not gold. Alden O'Donnell has always thought it was a ridiculous fucking phrase, but he has come to realize that it’s undeniably true. No amount of money, bourbon or women can make a man happy. 

There is one thing, though -save his friend and father figure, Robert McCafferty- one thing that brings him at least an ounce of real happiness. The dream. A dream that can only be induced by a night of heavy drinking and a dangerously large dose of antidepressants. But the risk is always worth the reward.

In his dream there is green- green as far as the eye can see and further yet. It covers the earth in bright, wispy blades. It towers in the sky as if they’re sprouts that have expanded up and out. There are small, feathered creatures that sit among the giant sprouts and when they speak, it’s a secret -a foreign language of beautiful, melodic sounds and he’s never heard anything so beautiful. It’s a paradise, an oasis. 

But it’s not real.

The world is a wasteland. It’s a barren, desolate crater void of any life other than the people who live in The City. The dank, smog-ridden City where they duck their heads and keep their mouths shut. There are days where the hazy sky glows a dull yellow and a mother tells her child, “Look, honey, there’s the sun” but they’ve never really seen the sun, never felt its warmth on their skin.

They are raised from infancy to believe it’s always been this way. That there’s no one else -nothing else- out there. That they’re alone. That they’re in need of someone to help light their way through the endless tunnel of nuclear fallout and air pollution. They are sheep and President Vayne is their Shepard. So he leads his people with billboards and slogans that are nothing more than placating words and subtle threats. And they follow, because the only other choice is death.

Alden has always felt that he was meant for more than this life, and when his destiny comes calling, he realizes that he is. 

some drawings from 2017, oldest to newest.