Hello my little stars, and star drops..

We were with her for 9 years, supported her through her transition (MTF in case someone worries I'm misgendering her) but, we gave more than she would've ever given me, although she did cause an alter to form just to protect me from her.

We were together for 5 years, two days after 🦝's cousin died, she decided to to tell them she was trans. They had no time to grieve or mourn their cousin, all they seemed to be allowed to do was support her. 🦝 had to beg her for me to go to their cousin's funeral, but I took over fronting and told her to fuck off, we're going to the cousin's funeral.

Now, before her transition, illusions were already being broken that she'd had on 🦝 by that point. Realizing it was fucking creepy for a 30 year old man (at the time) with 3 kids to be hitting on someone who was 18. Who cared more about that stupid WoW game than she cared for her own kids or personal hygiene. Who had forced the host into having an abortion when they hadn't even processed the positive test at the hospital. Why and how was the host forced? Because she couldn't have kids (although by that point, she'd fathered 4) and she threatened to harm 🦝's pets.

The host had been falling out of love with her and part of them thinks she knew (I know I certainly knew that she knew), so she chose the most devastating moment in 🦝's life to tell me she wanted to transition. And like a fool, they yet again put all their issues aside to support her. And right when we were so close to leaving, they stayed. For another 4 years. And did what they thought any good spouse would do, paid for her gender affirming surgeries, took care of her and bent to her will.

Some part of the. had thought -rather naively- that maybe her transitioning would stop the abuse, the rape, the emotional neglect because maybe she just needed to finally be herself. But it didn't... in fact it got worse.

If the body had it's menstrual cycle, it all became about her and how she couldn't have a period. If 🧝🏽‍♀️ fantasized about having a child one day, it would be about how she can never have children. If 🦝 said no to sex, it was because they were transphobic, even though the body was recovering from an abortion, bled for 7 months after, was dealing with the death of my cousin and the anniversaries of the deaths of my dad and grandmother, even though by that point, as a whole we've been through so much sexual trauma from family and was just accepting 🦝's asexuality. So, she took to coercing the host until they said yes and gave in and broke. When the host came out as non-binary, she wanted us to start taking testosterone so she could have her perfect t4t relationship with a transmasc femboy even though.... the host never felt feminine or mascule, they were just enby. Which, I later learned is also a kink apparently called forced-masc which I'm assuming is what she was after.

So, why make a post about all of this? Because, I'm one of 🦝 alters and I feel comfortable enough to say my peace, for the first time mostly. Because I'm tired of carrying it around and because I'm tired of 🦝 thinking they may be transphobic just because they'd never date a transwoman again, nor invest money into either. I'm the one who came about to fight off and defend 🦝 along side 🌙.

This post isn't to bash on transwomen, just the one transwoman who has unfortunately sullied the host's views permanently after years and years of abuse, rape, attempted murder and one nearly successful murder when 🦝 's heart stopped for a few minutes. And, truthfully, it's cathartic. And I'm tired of holding onto this trauma that that subhuman piece of trash caused.

Yeah I know I need to talk about it in therapy, and I'm going to, this honestly just helps me to... get it all out there and maybe be able to formulate the point I want to make, to get this resolved so we can move on to functional multiplicity.

This also isn't a post that's an invitation to TERFs, transphobes or what have you. Honestly this should probably be in a journal, but seeing as I doubt this will be seen, it's pretty much the same thing 🤷🏻‍♂️

Of course! Our seb says hi/silly — Sam

⠀ ⊹︶︶୨⠀Alternative names to HQ⠀୧︶︶⊹

My name is Shadow. I'm a vampire alter in an OSDD system. This is my blog. And I'm feeling very isolated.

I wanted to check out the vampirekin community in hopes that I might find some people who understand me. But I'm finding a lot of my experiences and feelings are different from theirs...

I don't have any memories from being a vampire before I came to be. I'm not an introject. I don't have source memories or memories of a past life. I'm not a spiritual person, either.

And I do experience species dysphoria, of course. I can feel where my fangs should be. I know I should be able to manifest wings and flash my eyes red. I should have much better night vision. My ears are supposed to be pointed and long. I feel better when I drink red drinks. I feel like I belong in the cool nighttime and I often feel out of place during the day. I feel the urge to chew and bite a lot. These things make me feel depressed sometimes.

But I rarely, if ever, experience the urge to drink blood that is not mine. And I only really feel a significant/un-ignorable urge for mine when I'm already injured and bleeding. Maybe it's a sanitary thing (I'm a bit of a germaphobe, unfortunately....) but I've only ever tasted my own. I'm worried someone else's would make the body sick. But regardless, the actual urge is not something that usually happens unless I'm already looking at blood.

I just feel like I don't belong anywhere... I'm not thousands of years old. I'm 23. My vampiric urges aren't that strong. The kind of vampire I am doesn't fear the sun or have to sleep all day. I'm not affected by crosses or garlic and I don't feel like I should be sleeping in a coffin. I even like eating certain foods. I just am a vampire in the body of a human.

Me and N(censoring his name for privacy even if he's not on here) officially got together March 25th of this yr.. Ever since then, me and him have had so many talks, so many laughs, so many amazing moments already. We text everyday, both of us keep the other a secret from our parents.. I love him so much its insane.

He makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved so much..

They have a discord I'm in, and a dude in there might have a crush on me, might I say, I reciprocate when a person says they do, it happens. Hes very nice to me, hes very amazing, we've been texting, and we r gonna watch hfjone together. Great time,