you have to stop.
just keep telling yourself that you have to stop.
but what exactly?
the constant debate in my head is which move do i make?
do i stop caring or stop trying or stop loving? or is the manner in which i’m caring or trying or loving not enough or wrong in some way?
i feel like i’m desperate, but for what?
desperate for someone to love?
desperate for someone to love me?
or am i actually so in love with the actual exact someone, the someone that is causing my mind and heart to have this constant and persistent and seemingly endless battle, for him to just reciprocate the feelings he claims to have?
maybe i’m desperate for it all to actually end.
i just refuse to admit that to myself because i don’t want to give up.
i see too much of myself in this person, almost as if i whole heartedly can relate to why he acts the way he does. but i haven’t become cruel, and i don’t think he is, but he, at times, wants to appear to be.
not necessarily to hurt me, but to give himself a flaw.
he has no justifiable reason, nothing has been reason enough, for why he has been deserted, just as i have been as well.
has his cruelty made me cruel as well?
enough so that i just believe that his cruelty is also the training i need to become cold?
do i believe this is an earned punishment for being less of a person?
is this all just justification for my past, and i’m subconsciously and selfishly creating all of it?
or are we just so in love that we can’t show one another that we are in love?
like we want be exactly who those that have left us have been?
relentlessly unloving.
intensely and immensely cruel.
are we just protecting ourselves so hard in preparation for each others exit, that we have become blind to the fact that neither of us wants to walk away?
i know deep down that the amount of love i have for this someone and just the amount of love i have inside of me to offer is immeasurable.
so why has it never been enough for someone to just stick around?
everyone always leaves.
so why can’t i?
why can’t i just love myself enough to walk away?
or love him enough to show that i don’t want to walk away?
am i just blind to the fact that he doesn’t love me at all?
do i just know that they’re all right?
i’m not enough.
or i’m everything.
no one will ever know.
i’m ready to walk away.
i’m ready to walk away the same way everyone else has.
i'm walking away ...
from me.
now please,
allow me to reintroduce myself....













