Jedi Through an Aromantic Lens
A big part of my love for the Jedi comes from an existence outside the allonormative, mono-normative society I have been drowning in – and as heroes to boot! They show a society and way of life that doesn’t put romance at the top of a staircase of relationships, that doesn’t exert pressure to be sexual and/or have sex as a rite of adulthood and definitely doesn’t idolize marriage (especially heteronormative marriage). Most people find the Jedi rigid. Like, have you taken a good look at your own society? As an aromantic person I think our insidious heteronormativity makes the Jedi’s so-called cult-like lifestyle look like a dream in comparison.
Romance-as-uniquely-attachment does have shades of allonormativity itself. I think in the Prequels Anakin’s problem is clearly ‘obsessiveness and being a control freak are bad’, not that having a romantic bond or a parent & child bond are an auto-Fall. Still, alternate interpretations of Lucas’ work (I’m looking at you Bioware) have this kind of allonormative thought process. If the Jedi are presented as fine with their religious, communal, master & apprentice bonds but romantic or sexual ones (again, Bioware) are forbidden the creator(s) of this work might want to look at their allonormative assumptions?
The prohibition against Marriage is, IMAO, more a ‘how can someone devote themselves to both the universe and an individual family’. As I recall even the Buddha had this conflict in a ‘how can he be a good monk/Buddha and a good husband/father’. The Jedi circumvent this by blanket-banning marriage. Given they don’t indulge in cult tactics like forcing/coercing members to stay or barring them to leave, IMAO that’s fair. Anakin – or anyone else who wanted to marry – could’ve noped right out of the Jedi Order without consequences like Dooku does (well, aside from getting a Sith Lord stalker but that’s a Sith problem)
Concordance of Fealty is a relationship built on trust and teaching, usually between Jedi of similar rank. It can be a stand-alone or incorporated into any other relationship such as familial, mentor/student, sexual, friendship, romantic, etc. It can last for months or be renewed over long years or decades. Notably, Concordances are NOT an end-goal for any or all Jedi relationships. Its a specific thing certain Jedi (a minority actually) build to.
SO! Given all this, I’m thinking the Jedi Order should, as a non allonormative order, be fine with its members going on dates or forming romantic relationships just as Jedi can form friendship and have sex.
However, I see an allonormative Republic giving Jedi similar problems to aro folks. That these pressures would be as a result of spiritual/religious beliefs instead of intrinsic identities would result in some subtle differences between Jedi and aro folks (and some truly frustrating problems for an aro Jedi). The big one I can think of is the same allonormative pressure to pursue a romantic relationship as their highest priority, in their case even being pressured to leave the Jedi Order itself.
On top of all that, Jedi have to deal with the assumptions that they can’t and/or are forbidden to love, have romance or sex, the assumption that they don't feel emotions like a normal sentient, the awe and/or fear of what they are capable of, the idea they can read a partner's mind and/or mind-trick them and so forth.
I literally cannot imagine what a clusterfuck it must be for a Jedi to date any non-Jedi, or even take a fellow Jedi out in public.
