#alex lambert

ALIX LAMBERT: THE SILENCING

A pretty cracking episode, despite my concerns.  We finally got a few more minutes of Bernie in an episode, which is always good in my book, though no scenes with Serena.  Jasmine centric ep, with a side dose of Essie, a side dose of Ollie, and still Henrik Hanssen completely stole the show.

Hanssen is golden.  Every delivery is exceptional, and he gets all the best lines.  His conversations with Essie (tomatoes are in fact the work of the devil), with Parker (narcs), just everything.  He rules.

Serena was still hard to watch this episode, I remain slightly creeped out by her choice to give Elinor’s old head girl badge to Jasmine, even though the trailer has been up for a week and I had time to get used to it, I still shuddered.  I like how Bernie called the unhealthy nature of their relationship, and reminded Jasmine that it’s really Serena who is her concern.  I also appreciated Serena and Jac in theatre together (we so need more of this, in more emotionally stable times), and Serena’s ability to stand up to Jac even as I was cowering behind my hands with discomfort!

Having Alex Lambert back was interesting.  He plays a dastardly character so very well, I have real trouble picturing him and Camilla Arfwedson (Zosia) as a couple in real life.  Guess that means he’s a good actor?!

Essie and Parker.  I really don’t get why people think lying to kids is a valid lifestyle choice.  And then wonder why the kids don’t listen to them any more.  Best intentions be damned, be honest.  I’m not sure what was going on between Raf and Essie this episode, clearly they’d stopped their fling with the whole Kim/twins thing, but they did seem oddly cosy this week- I understand why Parker could have got the wrong impression, and I can understand Sacha’s stance too (my poor, poor Sacha).

Ollie was slightly amusing this week.  He can flare his nostrils with such verve.  He does seem to play the comedy character rather well, and gives Zosia a chance to stand back and look pretty whilst laughing at him.  I guess that’s a win for me.  And between Ollie and Jasmine, it also meant we got to see some luscious Jac bluntness also.

WHAT does Jasmine think she’s playing at, catfishing Morven?  FFS, they live together, I know she’s been trying to work all hours and refusing to go home, but if she wants a chat, surely she could just ask for support as herself instead of pretending to be a bloke?!

A pretty fine episode.

Followed, of course, by the Spring Trailer.  If you don’t want to be spoiled, don’t read on!

Also Joan definitely owns a bag like this filled with magical girl memorabilia

Beach Episode

Joan McCann

• A bikini top and swimming trunks.

• When I tell you she is going STRAIGHT to those slot machines before she even looks at the ocean, gambling addiction goes hard.

• When she, eventually, goes onto the actual beach I feel like she doesn't do all that much unless someone invites her to join in on something.

• She's 100% the person under the beach umbrella playing video games on a deck chair.

• Ties her hair up when she goes swimming because of how damaged her hair is from bleaching and she's worried the salt water will dry it out even more. She'd definitely braid her hair but only when she's at the beach (would absolutely braid Josh's hair too if she didn't think he'd have heart failure if she tried).

• She seems like the type of person to go into the sea with someone even if she's wearing regular clothes then complains to everyone about her clothes clinging and chafing her later.

•Definitely tries to drown Bill at least once, it was just too tempting.

• I feel like she'd sometimes forget to put on suncream properly and get sunburnt all over her shoulders and back.

• She probably spends the rest of her time either at the little beach side shops or getting snacks.

Alex Lambert

• A pair of trunks and some obscure t-shirt.

• Alex spends alot of their time on the beach, hunting for crabs, beached jellyfish to take photos of, shells etc. or in little trinket shops with Gwen.

• I feel like he enjoys going for a swim in the ocean, watching fish and chasing Joan back onto the beach with a handful a seaweed, it grosses her out.

• Probably drags Pete and Jerry out to cryptid hunt in the area but it's very likely that the scariest thing those two will end up seeing is Alex in her element.

• Alex would absolutely try and help loosen Gwen up in such a social situation by dragging Joan and her out into the sea and jumping over waves together. It usually ends up in Joan falling over and Gwen uncontrollably giggling with Alex which is strangely sweet.

• Was bribed by Joan to steal something of Bill's and bury it in the sand, simply handing him a treasure map when he asks about it.

• Probably buys some shark teeth and dead starfish. (naturally they'd rather eat glass than buy an animal that was needlessly killed).

• Forced to sculpt mermaid tails out of sand for Joan and Gwen because it was "a perfect photo opportunity for me and Mousey!"

• Got their fortune told by some crazy old woman whilst she tied some beads in his hair.

Gwen Wilkins

• something frilly or with a skirt (imagine the green one was white and brown lol).

• Would spend alot of time just at the shore with her feet in the sea, reading a book because she IS that girl (she is in fact NOT that girl).

• When she is in the sea I feel like she'd love to go really far into the water and just float on her back, making everyone for at least a second think she was dead.

• Probably bought herself little beach-y accessories to wear like hair clips and bracelets so she could feel like a little mermaid (Alex is absolutely a Gwen-mermaid truther).

• Would've invited Ironjaw along against the club's will since they're basically colleagues. They'd wander around the shops together after Gwen eventually got too prune-y from being in the ocean too long.

• She seems the type to drench herself in sun cream to maintain her pallid complection.

• Bought herself one of those low quality mermaid dolls because it had her hair colour (she trimmed it like hers when she got back).

• Likely left the experience with a newfound appreciation for the colour blue, pale blue dresses found themselves in her wardrobe a few weeks later.