#akoiro

Yukimi Togakushi is Akoi

Idk I have just been thinking (for fun bc boredom) if a qpr/relationship/soft romo/wavership thing could work for me. Like I understand everyone is unique and it depends on the person, but I just don’t know if I would work in a relationship w/someone. As someone who is asexual too, I’m never going to find anyone sexually attractive. So I’m only going to feel the romantic attraction for people. But then if people show romantic attraction towards me... it’s all downhill from there /neg.

Idk like I can flirt all day and people can enjoy my company/I can enjoy other people’s company (make peps laugh instuff) but I can’t handle it if someone is romantically attracted to me. In the words of another person that described what it felt like when someone was romantically attracted: it’s too much.

Y E S

I feel exactly like you

You know, I grew up with Disney and I've always loved the idea of love and always dreamed of getting married and stuff, but when I figured out I'm a-spec, the same I felt kinda happy for finally understanding myself I also felt sad bc I couldn't have that.

Honestly, today it doesn't bother me anymore and I'm happy with myself but since I do feel romantic attraction I kinda feel sad sometimes bc it's like... Really wanting to eat something you're allergic to. It may taste good in the begining but then you wake up at a hospital. After my first experience with romance I had to take a few weeks (actually it took me 2 years to talk to my friend about it (i kinda had a crush on a friend of mine, I told him, he said he liked me too and after a week I ditched him and felt like a monster bc of that, after these 2 years I finally worked up the courage to talk to him and apologise and he was totally supportive of me, gosh I love him(platonic))) to myself to accept that I would never have what I kinda dream of.

Sometimes I also feel like a qpr would work for me, but just thinking about it is kinda exhaustive bc I don't think I would feel comfortable around someone I know has romantic feelings for me and also most people don't know about qprs and yeah... All that jazz

continuing with my trend of explaining the more obscure aspects of my identity, next up is lithro/akoiromantic!

In case it wasn’t obvious, these labels apply to my romantic attraction, which means that it influences who I want to date, not who I want to get in bed with, which means that it’s time to explain the SPLIT-ATTRACTION MODEL!

The split-attraction model refers to the theory that sexual and romantic attraction are two different things, albeit with large overlap. It’s commonly seen within the asexual and aromantic communities, because... Well, some people may want to date, but not have sex, and some people may want to have sex, but not date!

It’s a tad controversial, but then again, a large portion of the online queer community considers the existence of ace and aro people controversial, so whatever.

So, yes, lithromantic and akoiromantic are part of the aromantic spectrum (aromantic being “not experiencing romantic attraction”, or having not interest in dating) and are actually synonymous. Both lithromantic and akoiromantic refer to wanting romantic relationships and experiencing romantic feelings up until they are reciprocated.

“But isn’t that just not being ready for a relationship?”

There is a HUGE difference between not being ready for a romantic relationship and literally losing your attraction. Many lithro/akoiros will have feelings of nausea and sickness when faced with the reality of their romantic feelings being reciprocated, whereas someone who’s merely just “not interested” will still feel their attraction as normal and just simply avoid acting on it.

The attraction can be lost at a variety of times. I’ve lost it after accepting to go on a date with a guy and then turning around an hour later and cancelling, and I’ve lost it nearly five months into a relationship. There is no rule for how quickly romantic attraction can be lost for a lithro/akoiro.

I’ve personally had a really complicated relationship with this aspect of my identity, because the really cruel thing about feeling romantic attraction and then losing it is the guilt of knowing that you’ve essentially strung someone along. It’s also really difficult to acknowledge that, as much as I want a romantic relationship someday, any actual relationship would have to be set under specific circumstances or with a mutual understanding.

So, yes, that is lithromanticism and akoiromanticism.

I’ve recently broken up with my boyfriend, and the more i think about it, the more i realize i didn’t really feel anything towards him. We were together for almost a year, and I just didn’t feel anything. I’ve also been married before and I realized soon after our divorce I never loved him. I’ve felt fleeting attraction before, but for fictional characters. I am very confused please help. 

(submitted by @hufflepuffle4)

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