Frede

For schizoids (especially those for whom trauma was a factor in developing SzPD), having even small amounts of emotional intimacy in a regular friendship or acquaintanceship can feel extremely overwhelming and unsafe. Another person finding things out about you can make all future interactions with them feel suffocating.

With how most people struggle with opening up in therapy, combined with how difficult any kind of openness can be for schizoids, you can probably see why this would be an issue for us. But one thing I think many MH professionals I've seen haven't understood is that sharing literally anything, even things that seem "small", can be very difficult for schizoids. It's not just the big vulnerable things, it's anything that's perceived as "personal".

Sure, I have trouble sharing the deep rooted personal issues that are at the heart of all my problems. But I also have trouble sharing relatively simple things, and it can cause major problems in therapy.

For example: the first time I did EMDR, I could not for the life of me give my therapist an answer when she asked what "safe space" or "safe image" I had picked to think about after the processing, or during if I got triggered too badly.

She assumed that I just couldn't think of anything (and I guess that was partially true because there isn't really anything that makes me feel a strong sense of comfort, since I don't really have that kind of emotional range), but no, I just couldn't voice anything I was thinking of because just telling another person about the kind of imagery I find calming was too much.

She ended up picking something for me I didn't even really find calming, so you can imagine how well that session went. But I can't even fully blame her, because she had no idea what the actual reason for why I wasn't telling her anything was.

But in so many other contexts as well, I've had therapists do that thing where they try to tell you their analysis of you and they've just been completely fucking wrong. And it's not necessarily because they're bad at their jobs, it's just because I didn't tell them anything, and I've mastered the art of saying just enough that the other person is satisfied without giving anything away.

It makes the whole process very frustrating, because on one hand I know I have significant mental health issues that are making my life miserable, but at the same time I am viscerally uncomfortable with someone else knowing what goes on in my head.

Personality disorders are the result of C-PTSD from abuse, neglect, and environmental causes with genetic components and the lack of resilience the brain has regarding childhood trauma.

Cluster A (Odd/Eccentric)

Paranoid PD – Arrest: ~2–4 years

- Stage disrupted: Autonomy & early trust building.

- Mechanism: Child learns “people = threat,” so they become hypervigilant and self-protective as their default worldview.

- Later traits: Suspiciousness, interpreting neutral acts as hostile, difficulty with intimacy.

Schizoid PD – Arrest: ~0–2 years

- Stage disrupted: Basic trust vs. mistrust.

- Mechanism: Severe emotional neglect or unresponsive caregiving teaches the child that connection is unrewarding or dangerous.

- Later traits: Emotional detachment, preference for solitude, restricted emotional expression.

Schizotypal PD – Arrest: ~3–6 years

- Stage disrupted: Initiative vs. guilt (imaginative play, social skill practice).

- Mechanism: Social rejection + possible genetic vulnerability disrupt normal peer integration.

- Later traits: Odd beliefs, eccentric behavior, difficulty reading social cues.

Cluster B (Dramatic/Erratic)

Antisocial PD (ASPD) – Arrest: ~18 months–3 years

- Stage disrupted: Autonomy vs. shame/doubt.

- Mechanism: Severe abuse/neglect before empathy consolidation > safety is tied to control, dominance, and deception.

- Later traits: Callousness, impulsivity, disregard for rules/others.

- Why here: Empathy and conscience circuits develop between ages 1–3. Trauma here can freeze emotional development before those circuits are fully wired.

Narcissistic PD (NPD) – Arrest: ~4–7 years

Stage disrupted: Initiative vs. guilt (self-image building).

Mechanism: Conditional love, inconsistent approval, or humiliation > grandiose or perfectionist false self for protection.

Later traits: Entitlement, ego fragility, admiration-seeking, shame intolerance.

Borderline PD (BPD) – Arrest: ~4–10 years, with intensification possible at 10+

- Stage disrupted: Initiative vs. guilt → Industry vs. inferiority > early identity formation.

- Mechanism: Chronic instability, inconsistent attachment, or abandonment threat > intense need for closeness but inability to regulate emotions when it’s threatened.

- Later traits: Fear of abandonment, identity disturbance, emotional dysregulation, splitting.

- Why 10+ matters: Puberty amplifies emotional volatility and social complexity, allowing BPD symptoms to “switch on” even if earlier years were calmer.

Histrionic PD (HPD) – Arrest: ~3–6 years

- Stage disrupted: Initiative vs. guilt (expression, play, attention-seeking).

- Mechanism: Caregiver attention is tied to performance, charm, or appearance > identity built around eliciting a response.

- Later traits: Attention-seeking, dramatization, shallow but intense emotional expression.

Cluster C (Anxious/Fearful)

Avoidant PD – Arrest: ~6–10 years

- Stage disrupted: Industry vs. inferiority (school-age social integration).

- Mechanism: Harsh criticism or rejection during peer comparison years builds deep social shame.

- Later traits: Hypersensitivity to rejection, social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy.

Dependent PD – Arrest: ~2–4 years

- Stage disrupted: Autonomy vs. shame/doubt.

- Mechanism: Overprotective or controlling caregivers prevent self-reliance, so child learns helplessness is safer than independence.

- Later traits: Clinginess, fear of separation, decision-making reliance.

Obsessive–Compulsive PD (OCPD) – Arrest: ~4–6 years

- Stage disrupted: Initiative vs. guilt, plus early moral development.

- Mechanism: Overly strict, rule-bound, or perfectionistic upbringing teaches the child that safety = following rules exactly.

Someone who is not as outwardly expressive as expected, who is withdrawn and not really forthcoming with information, creates a sense of mystery for people. And like any mystery, people want to solve it. And when it comes to someone labelled as "mysterious", people feel a sense of obligation to "solve" that mystery—either to get to know them, to find a way to change them, perceivably "fixing" them, or something similar.

For schizoid individuals, it creates this sense of unwanted attention from people who cannot be satisfied with receiving nothing. At first impression, it's all about the fantasy—look at this stoic person who doesn't pay attention to anyone or care about anyone, imagine if they made an exception for me, imagine if I could get to see their "true" self.

You're not going to get this from a schizoid individual. This is a fantasy you're projecting onto them—that they're something special, something to be saved or explored. Don't expect an emotional response from someone who's frequently emotionally dissociated, it's not going to end up well for either of you.

And it's so common for schizoids to see themselves as not possessing any sense of personality, to be filled with a void. To try to dig deeper against what they're willing to show you, it's violating and can be perceived as controlling or exploitative, which can cause further withdrawal.

I do not speak for all schizoids, but I do speak for myself when I say to not try and make us into something different.

Most of the posts I see are just compilations of flags 😔

I probably won’t be that active, since I am lithro and aegosexual. But I appreciate the invite! 😌🤝

aphobes don’t have coherent views on the ace or aro spectrums, they just don’t believe any of it sadly. demirose and frayrose people are very valid!!

for those who may not know:

demirose- being both demiromantic and demisexual, which means they don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to someone until a strong emotional bond is formed

frayrose- being both frayromantic and fraysexual, which means their romantic and sexual attraction will fade once an emotional bond is formed

I get that this was most likely a post that “spammed” the fraysexual hashtag, however, I want to highlight how…unhealthy it can be to…choose to not see yourself as “part asexual” and “part allosexual”, or just needlessly dividing your identity to “fit in”. By doing this, you are self-sacrificing and self-neglecting a major aspect of your identity, such as experiencing sexual attraction (when it comes to being fraysexual). It’s so much healthier to see and respect yourself as your whole acespec identity, versus, “having a time you are asexual” and having “times you are allosexual". It's only going to result in self-hatred when you have rude awakenings of not being able to exactly fit into either of these.

Het Aspec Icons: Ace

Ace | Alloace

Demiace | Grayace | Aceflux

Acevague | Quoix

Cupioace | Frayce | Lithace

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Aro icons here | Aroace icons here

Hi anon!!💕 Thank you for this great question😊 I actually always just felt like I was different from my friends growing up, the way they described their relationships just sounded so different from what I was experiencing. I thought there was something wrong with me for being attracted to people only until I'd formed a bond with them. Now that I know I'm fraysexual it's like a weight has been lifted off me. If you're feeling like that too, you're COMPLETELY valid and I support you wether or not you end up identifying as fray or as any of the other amazing identities in the aspec community!!