#demiro

I'd known him for about 3-4 years before I started crushing on him. We weren't super close or anything, but we did spend a lot of time together because we were both part of an online community.

Starting around mid-to-late 2023 we did start getting a lot closer, including DMing pretty much every day.

In 2024 I confessed my romantic feelings to him; at the time he didn't reciprocate.

It took about two years before he could definitively say that he returned my romantic feelings, and in all that time our friendship continued to develop.

Welcome! I'm Psyche. I use she/her pronouns, and I'm demiromantic, nebularomantic and bisexual. I am romance-ambivalent (usually somewhere between indifferent and favourable) and I'm currently in a romantic relationship (formerly a QPR) with another demiromantic!

I created this blog because I couldn't find very many active demiromantic blogs that didn't also focus on demisexuality. While this blog is mostly used to share my own personal thoughts and experiences, other demiromantics, plus allies and those who are questioning, are more than welcome to chime in! I'm open to any and all good-faith asks seeking advice, reassurance, or just sharing demiromantic joy.

Because I'm aroallo, and because this blog focuses on demiromanticism first and foremost, I generally won't post or reblog stuff about demisexuality, or asexuality in general. Please look elsewhere if that's what you're after. I don't care an awful lot about how people tag my posts, but please just be mindful of the fact that my posts are primarily focused around demiromanticism (or aromanticism in general) unless otherwise indicated (in those cases they'll be tagged as "aspec" and/or "asexual")

I am anti-amatonormativity and pro-"do what you want forever." Nobody has to abide by traditional romantic norms, let alone have a romantic partner at all, and we have a long way to go to properly accommodate non-partnering people.

Tags

#aroallo things for posts and reblogs about being aromantic and allosexual, including erasure. These posts may discuss sexual topics, though never in graphic detail.

#relationshipposting for posts about my romantic relationship. I'd recommend blocking this tag if you're romance-repulsed or averse, or otherwise prefer not to hear about my relationship.

More may be added in the future; if there's anything you'd like tagged please let me know!

are asexual (including demisexual)

are allosexual

are non-SAM

are questioning/unsure of their identity

are partnering

are nonpartnering

are romance-repulsed

are romance-averse

are romance-ambivalent

are romance-indifferent

are romance-favourable

don't use the romance favourability framework at all, for any reason

are on lesser-known a-spectra (aplatonic, afamilial, asensual, etc)

have only ever had 1-2 crushes

crush on people often because emotional connections form quicker for them

have difficulty telling whether their feelings are romantic or not

don't consider themselves aro nor allo

...and of course demiromantics of all other sexual and romantic orientations and gender identities, demiromantics of colour, demiromantics with disabilities, demiromantics in systems, and demiromantics with any other experiences or traits not covered here.

As far as I was aware at the time, I crushed on a lot of people in my teen years. I felt the butterflies in my stomach, I felt the urge to kiss and cuddle them, and I would generally be fixated on them for a time.

But... here's the thing. At least twice, without fully realising it, I agreed to romantic relationships with someone I never had romantic feelings for whatsoever. I was sexually attracted to one of those ex-partners, but with the other, my feelings towards them were, in retrospect, strictly platonic—nonromantic and nonsexual. I ended both of these relationships very shortly after they began because they just weren't working for me, my heart wasn't in it, and for years afterwards, long before identifying as demi, I questioned whether I genuinely romantically loved these people at all.

In contrast, I developed platonic feelings for my other former romantic partners before romantic attraction entered the picture. In two of these cases, sexual attraction had made itself apparent first, and I'd known them for a decent amount of time beforehand, long enough to develop a pretty solid idea of who they were as people.

Once I grew out of my teenage years, romantic attraction became incredibly rare for me. Between 2017 and now, I have only been truly romantically attracted to one person who is not a celebrity or fictional character: the man who is now my queerplatonic partner. Even then, the way my attraction for him developed is almost stereotypically demiro/arospec, for it took years of knowing him before romantic feelings developed, and they accompanied very strong alterous feelings as well.

Teenage me was, in retrospect, strongly negatively influenced by amatonormativity. She was clingy, codependent, and desperate to be with someone. All she ever wanted was for someone she cared about to be as crazy about her as she was about them. She didn't know, or want to accept, that romantic relationships were not her only option for close, intense, intimate relationships.

I'm still in the process of untangling my romantic history and how I really felt towards my partners and my major crushes, or "crushes," in general, but I do believe that, even if I was alloromantic in the past, there were still signs of demiromanticism. And, although I still can't quite define romantic love for myself, or what sets it apart from platonic love, knowing that love can come in so many different forms, and unlearning amatonormativity, has been massively beneficial to me.