#aedison

Stealing small office supplies isn't like you're really stealing because they have a lot of those things already. -Gandhi @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 88

WHEN IT'S TIME TO PARTY WE WILL PARTY HARD. AT THE MOMENT IT IS NOT TIME TO PARTY SO WE WILL DRINK OUR COFFEE QUIETLY. QUIETER. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 85

I'm going to hit the hay. Because I hate hay. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 83

A little extra effort today means they won't find the body tomorrow. -Ben Franklin @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 80

I was impressed with the 15yo team that humiliated my daughter's 12yo team, since it must be hard to play soccer pregnant. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 74

Call something "lame" and the disabled cry foul. Call something "dumb" and you don't hear a peep. Oh. Right. @aedison (Avery Edison) – 62

I slept like The Rock. My wife could smell what I was cooking. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 62

You had me at "Please stop talking and put your penis in my vagina". @Zaius13 (Damn Dirty Ape) – 60

Got up *really* early this morning and washed the dishes, did laundry, hung it out to dry, made breakfast and then I remembered I am lying. @SeoulBrother (SeoulBrother) – 57

Apparently it's not cool to stop during sex to tweet something funny you just thought of. Sorta related: This couch is really comfortable. @roughdiction (RoughDiction) – 55

Having a huge cup of coffee in the backyard. A mosquito just bit me. I bet it's going to have a very productive day. Or lifespan. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 52

Someone left two strawberries on my chair. Now I know how fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt feels. Pretty pissed off, apparently. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 51

iPhone just corrected "omg" to "IMF". Because like most iPhone owners, I'm always texting my friends about the international monetary fund. @joeschmitt (Joe Schmitt) – 51

You know it's time to do dishes when you're eating cereal out of a bundt cake pan with a ladle. @apelad (Adam Koford) – 51

Drinking from a children's water fountain is one way to determine that your dress is too short. @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 49

The boy is either sleeping in or he's dead. Either way, there'll be drama later, so I'm going to take some time to sit and enjoy my coffee. @Moltz (Moltz) – 44

"Holy fuck I'm blind! What happ—who the hell bought the damn kleenex with lotion? If I want lotion in my kleenex I'll just ask a teenage boy @tj (TJ Luoma) – 43

We're checking out constellations. The only one I can ever find is the bear riding a skateboard. @srslainey (Unavailable) – 43

I'm sorry sir but when you pronounce it "expresso", you automatically lose the right to comment on its quality. @gordonshumway (Jelisa Castrodale) – 42