(1/4) Hi, I'm trying to figure out if I'm asexual. Idk, I feel like I might be a mix between gray and demi? Growing up (teen years ofc), I always thought of sex as an activity you knew you might do with your partner somewhere down the line - whether that was immediately or years from now - but I couldn't understand people who wanted it immediately, like had one night stands or had sex right away in a relationship. Wouldn't you rather get to know the person first?
((((2/4) I ended up letting it go because if that’s what they wanted, fine. If they wanted to have sex for fun or didn’t have any desire to wait, good for them. For me, though, I knew I didn’t want sex until I was emotionally connected to my partner. It lead me to deciding, you know what, I’m not going have sex until I get married because I don’t want to do it with just anyone, even if I do get to the point in a relationship where I DO want sex with someone. I thought I was just being celibate.(¾) A while after I graduated high school, I started seeing a SMALL group of strangers, acquaintances, and celebrities - basically people I didn’t know and had no real emotional connection with - as sexually attractive. Like, I wanted to have sex and would say yes if they offered (if it weren’t for my until-marriage beliefs anyway - I think I’m still celibate in that regard). It made me realize that during my teen years, I had no idea what sexual attraction really was.(4/4) It isn’t just finding some1 physically attractive and knowing you might have sex somewhere down the line, it’s having the DESIRE to have sex in the moment. Even when I was emot. close enough to ppl in the past to want sex, I never put it together what I was feeling didn’t fit with my old definition of sex. attraction. I feel this might put me on the a-spectrum. I do feel sex. attraction, but rarely for strangers/acqs/celebs and usually only after there’s an emot. connection. Is this ace?)))
Here’s the frustrating answer, but I think it’s what you’ll get no matter who you go to: no one but you can decide if you are ace or not.
Here’s what I can tell you: asexuality, just like all sexuality, is a spectrum. It’s different for everyone. There’s as many experiences with sexuality as there are people on this earth. But there’s only so many words we can make to describe those experiences, so sometimes words won’t fit you perfectly but will be close enough. If you feel like you fall somewhere on the ace spectrum, there’s nothing wrong with identifying in a way that is useful for YOU.
There’s also nothing wrong with not knowing, exactly. Again, sexuality is so variable that sometimes we have to come to accept that there is no perfect word, and that’s okay. Do what makes you comfortable. If IDing as ace if helpful for you, then do so. If not, there’s no need to decide right away. Maybe you’ll figure it out down the line, maybe not. In any case, do what makes you happy.
