#adhd testing

When I got tested for ADHD last year, one of the “tests” was this challenge with color words on a page, but the ink never matched.

For example, “blue” would be written in red, “orange” in green. First I had to read the words. Easy. Then I had to ignore the word and say only the ink color. Impossible. My brain refused to see the word “Blue” and say “red.”

So naturally, I found a work around.

I held the paper as far away as I could and squinted, like one of those 90s Magic Eye books. If I blurred the text enough, I couldn’t actually read it. Problem solved!

The doctor blinked at me, baffled. “What are you doing?”

So I told him, “Tricking my brain. If I can’t read the word, I can just see the color.”

There was a long pause, then he said, “Yeah… don’t do that.”

We had to redo the test. Afterwards, he explained: “I’m trying to see if you have ADHD. If you keep finding workarounds, I’m not actually measuring ADHD.”

And that, guys, gals, and NB pals, is how I made it to my late 30s without a diagnosis: I’ve been hacking my way through life.

I have a whole laundry list of tricks that would sound unhinged to anyone else, but they’re just how my brain survives. I can’t just “remember things.” I can’t just “leave on time.” I procrastinate for months until one magical morning my brain decides, today we’re doing the thing.

So yeah, I absolutely do have ADHD.

I’ve just had decades of practice adapting to it. But adaptation isn’t the same as ease. Just because I can do something doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

People don’t always take that seriously. Because it’s in the brain, not on the outside. It’s no different than wearing glasses: being able to read with them doesn’t mean your vision is fine without them.

I got a psychological evaluation on January 2nd, and finally had my feedback meeting yesterday.

Obviously, like most neurological disorders, it’s a spectrum, and I have a more mild version of the combined (inattentive + hyperactive) type.

It was just so nice to finally get the validation that I really do have it. Now we start the very long process of trying to get accommodations and maybe medication. We’ll see.

What a borderline torturous thing to put someone through when they are trying to get screened for ADHD of all things.

Anyways, I definitely sat down and did it all with zero interruptions. Didn't scroll Tumblr or send anyone any messages while I did it...