#adhd hyperactive

Generally speaking, I wouldn't say I "hate" neurotypicals because I don't believe in division into "authentic, kind and soulful neurodivergents" and "mean and shallow neurotypicals". I think humanity is way more nuanced than that. BUT, they're still the ones dominating the planet, so just daily interactions with them naturally bring frustrations that I'd like to talk about (because I feel like the topic of what's it like to exist around them daily as a ND person is not discussed enough - we should normalise it!).

So here are neurotypical attitudes that make me wanna pluck my own eyes out: 1. The "social etiquette" and "empathy" they preach about so much only applies to people they like ONLY. They have very little patience for pretending they respect as you as a person, even if you're doing everything "right". It's like they have hard time separating someone's perceived likeability from measuring how much of good/worthy they're in objective terms. Once they clock you as "annoying", say goodbye to rules of basic decency. They will apply them to everyone else but not you.

No matter how much you can try to meet their expectations and be as polite as you try to be, there's always something WRONG, or someone who just has to nitpick you over minor mistakes, or try to be in your business a little too much. It really feels like playing a rigged game sometimes. They will never admit this but they very often lowkey mistreat you, or take the misunderstandings a little too seriosuly, or seem offended by the most minor things you do simply because they don't like you/there's no chemistry. They'd 100% forgive someone else for doing the same thing, but not you. There might be some RSD component from my part to this but I bet you not, I had teachers who were very snarky/cold with me while being more open and more forgiving for other students (or those who just they liked more), or coworkers straight up pretending they don't know some information, being "so done" with my questions. You can tell some people - not everyone, but some - seem to be annoyed by you for no particular reason. Which wouldn't be bad as you can't be liked by everyone, if they wouldn't take it out on you. For the group of people who supposedly knows how one should behave socially, lots of them don't even know better than act unprofessional purely based off their personal, subjective preferences. Even towards children!

You're never anyone's favourite person, you're always on the peripheres of the social realm, tolerated by most and openly disliked by some. Always unsure of where you stand with people, always on the thin ice. You constantly feel like some nuisance, unless...

2. They want something from you. For me, that's the biggest pet peeve I have when it comes to them. They actually acknowledge the gifts you have because of your neurodivergence. They can compliment you for them, ask for your relationship advice, treat you like a therapist or just they want to hang out with you when they go through "rebellious, getting to know myself and exploring the parts of my personality that others would find unacceptable" phase. But don't think this will make you their equal. Privately, they love you, but in group settings, in public - they relish in subtle put downs, meaningful exchanging side eye glances between each other, or suddenly they don't seem to be that interested in hanging out with you that much. I've had a friend with which we had our own made up fantasy world, we were writing stories for each other, but at the same time, I could tell she didin't want to be seen with me at the functions, social outings. They use you for character development, secretly enjoying the way you make them feel - accepted, whole - but they don't reciprocate.

They're obsessed with what makes you different from them, actually. More than they'd like to admit. When these differences are useful for them, then you're best friend to have. When they make you seem "weird", they will still choose their neurotypical world over you. Every time. You're great for their personality points, terrible for their social points. And if you are a teenager who craved any friend badly, you most likely didin't notice you were just being used.

3. Their general love-hate approach to neurodivergent traits is hypocritical. The way they look up to celebrities who openly challenge social norms and derive their fame from the shock value and "bigger than life" or eccentric persona (think David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Doja Cat), hit the likes under motivational "be yourself" quotes, worship all the "nonconforming, I don't give a fuck" fictional characters would suggest that they have a lot of appreciation for showing middle finger to comfortable conformity. Well, it can't be further from the truth, even though plenty of these well liked celebrities and characters show neurodivergent traits.

While they drool over Netflix's Wednesday, they casually make fun of "that one person" who is slighty different from them irl. They love seeing themselves in ADHD or autistic coded characters, but once someone in fandoms mentions the connection, they seethe in the comments. They present neurodivergents as "special" and geniuses in media but they say "bring the bullying back" after seeing a kid who is into scene and anime.

They like us, but only as a fantasy. Or when they see neurodivergent traits as "cheat codes" for getting status. If you are different, you better apologise for it by being extremely smart, extra accomodating to their emotional needs or good looking. Ableism and classism really go well together; they perceive having social difficulties or just doing your own thing without a single care of what others think as a privelege only meant for high status people. If you don't have the status, you aren't some brilliant but misunderstood billionaire, and your story doesn't involve becoming a music star, your quirks, your stims, and many things that make you you are pathetic, obnoxious, annoying, and an invitation for them to emotionally abuse you in most covert ways. Why? Because to them, you're presenting yourself as someone with status (someone above them), someone undeserving of your own uniqueness. In their eyes, as a just regular person living among them, your "attempts" at being different are just laughable ways to feel superior to them. They quite literally assume that you have an agenda in being who you are. One time a classmate asked me "Why do you pretend to be stupid?". It doesn't occur to them that many people just don't want to subscribe to whatever social hierarchies and norms for the sake of it. It really messed with my head because this - and all the media presenting neurodivergents only as misunderstood, lonely geniuses - made me feel like I should achieve immense success just to like myself. Just to feel like I'm good enough. Not even for them - for myself.

4. Speaking of covert ways in which they abuse you - they make you develop trust issues in ways so subtle, vicious and hard to believe, that even therapists don't know what you're talking about when you tell them that everyone around you seems to be on some inside joke that you missed. Or like you're being weirdly watched when people ask you "normal" questions and spark up some conversations. Imagine feeling extremely uncomfortable by being held hostage by the small talks in which there's "no way out" because you know they wait for you to say something that will make you embarrass yourself or confirm something about you between each other. And now imagine trying to explain this to a most likely neurotypical, but well meaning therapist without sounding like a paranoid lunatic. And then you hear classic response: they were just trying to befriend you, it's just your RSD/social anxiety making your hypervigilant. Even better, when you try to distance yourself from such vaguely abusive environment, that's when they get a proof that you've always been antisocial, you don't like them and you "put up walls".

Eventually putting up walls becomes your second nature. You are always guarded, always looking for a setup, for a tiny glance, for a smirk. You no longer can tell when it's you catching on someone being fake nice to you for the lols, and when it's your traumatised ass trying to protect you from possible - and another - social humiliation tactic meant to put you on display like some zoo animal. Because you already know the pattern. You know what happens when people get closer to you. One time I was sitting on a bench with my friend who is on the autism spectrum. I had some chewing gum with me so I wanted to share. She asked me if that's my way of telling her that her breath stinks. She already anticipated the worst outcome and she needed confirmation that my simple gesture was genuine. Imagine living with a fear in your head that most people you meet try to "con" you for their entertainment. 5. They care more about the performance of productivity than being actually productive, hard working person. They sure love telling you you're lazy and that you shoud just "try harder", but try actually locking in hard and openly. I bet you, try starting to eat salads in front of your coworkers for days and talking about you hitting the gym for that summer bikini bod. Try telling your neurotypical colleagues about some of your ambitious plans. Try looking like you care about getting results in your job. You will get negs.

Don't get me wrong, not all neurotypicals don't wish you well and they want to sabotage you at every opportunity. But hell, it is dangerous for you to act like you work for success as an neurodivergent person. Any person really, but the difference with the ambitious neurotypicals here is that neurotypical way of being lazy is considered acceptable, while working hard - admirable or threatening (depending on the group they're dealing with). For the NDs, you're either "lazy" or a "tryhard". Nothing in between.

You can push yourself to the limits to meet bare minimum and still get a suggestion that you're too lazy. But if you suddenly start appearing serious about your private goals, or you no longer chase the bare minimum, prepare yourself for some crab in the bucket mentality. Even though it's never really your bucket, but you know, how dare you try to escape it. After all, you are supposed to work for their validation and not yours. I was suprised to see how neurotypicals are just relaxed at their jobs. They tend to be lenient, leave earlier than they should, make lots of breaks, look for so many opportunities to just avoid work. They joke about forgetting something from home, just not feeling like doing anything today, they like the idea of work-life balance. Again - so they should be accepting of you not doing your very best, right? Right?? Wrong. You will get lectured and get the hippie treatment, get unsoliticed advice on your productivity and made to feel like you're not doing enough...not because of your results, but because you "seem" lazy to them (that's mostly a case for ADHDers). Meanwhile, they brag about how just punctual they're or how much time they manage to have for their families, or how they just love not eating much. All while gossiping, chatting and not losing their minds over deadlines. On the other hand, they don't like it when someone else tries to do more than it is expected, and they roll their eyes at someone energetic, excitable and vigorous. They want you to do good, but not better than them. Good enough to be dependent on their approval, but not that good which would remind them of their insecurities. Being succesful is cool, but only if done effortlessly and within the unofficial rule of "always be nonchalant".

6. The last point isn't that obscure, but I'm putting it here anyway because the amount to which neurotypicals can't mind their own business towards neurodivergents is so excessive it ironically makes them look like the weird ones from the third person perspective. Although I want to be fair and say they also do it to anyone they perceive as social "threat", for example an alternative person.

Generally, they tend to participate in social policing of everyone around them, but while average NT comes across some judgmental neighbor or an aunt telling them that their biological clock is ticking from time to time, a neurodivergent person more often than not feels like the way they live their life is being put under a microscope much more often, and their lifestyle becomes something that can be up for an open debate.

You'd think it comes down only to behaviors that make you stand out, but no. Your most natural mannerisms, habits, preferences can get criminalised because you failed to say hello to someone, you didin't feel like accepting their donut or whatever other small way by which you did not treat them like a god they're.

It's your punishment for having enough self respect to not bow down to them for their crumbs of social validation. It's like they assume you wait for and crave their approval and they become so offended when they realise that you really don't, that now everything you do is "weird". It can be absolutely anything. In fact, I find the notion that they think that I'm supposed to care about fitting into their artificial boxes they made for me more aggravating than their attempts at putting me in them. They do so by "out-grouping" and ostracising you with banal and matter of fact statements like: You like P&J sandwich and you happen to enjoy it as a breakfast? -> "You just love your P&J sandwich, do you?"

You prefer wearing the same comfy hoodie often? -> "You always wear that hoodie." You refused to drink alcohol once -> "Y/N doesn't like drinks."

The ND person, especially when they happen to take statemens more literally starts losing their mind over "why they care so much". Meanwhile, they couldn't care less about your sandwitch, hoodie or your drinking habits. It's just their way of telling you "we notice you". They try to make the ND person feel self conscious this way.

One time at work I was eating a white youghurt in a big jar and the girl asked me if I'm eating mayonnaise.

What's most paradoxical about this is how they seriously believe they're the "socially appropriate" ones at this point. That’s what’s truly obscure about it: their conviction that this passive aggressive commentary, this micro-policing of others’ harmless choices, somehow elevates them.

They seriously believe they "own you" by pointing out most normal things you do, but it’s really them feeling uncomfortable with someone's self-possession. And ironically, from an outside perspective, it doesn’t make the ND person look strange - it makes them look absurdly obsessed with trivialities.

So to end this long read, I just don't like how hyper performative, petty and hypocritical neurotypicals are. They are walking contradictions who take and bend the very rules their created according to what suits them at the moment. They can't "turn off" the feature in their brain that makes them lowkey seek social power in every possible way. Even most introverted and "weird" neurotypicals are like this (just to lesser extent, or they simply care less). It's not about them craving popularity or status that much consciously as they simply follow their social instinct hard and without any questioning. Anyone who derives from that will be at some point made to feel uncomfortable. In all groups in which neurotypicals are the majority, which is most groups. The only difference is that each group will have different ways of making you feel like out of place idiot or a helpless child who got lost at supermarket.

If like me, you're sensitive kind of neurodivergent who had to consciously learn how to protect herself, you will have a hard time in almost all social settings until you learn to play their game.

You will always be on the lookout, always unsure, and always feeling like something isn't quite right.

People don't realise the intensity of this happening in neurodivergent folks lives. I can't think of single group in which I felt emotionally safe, except my neurodivergent friend group. It's not just few single occurences in our lives, it IS our life. It's something that never stops. Ever. No matter where you go, no matter how well you mask. No matter how much good of a person you are.

Eventually, you learn it's better to avoid neurotypicals alltogether and develop all plethora of methods to defend yourself. And it's not just a a byproduct of social anxiety, RSD, lack of confidence - it comes from being perceived as too different for their taste. Gaining confidence and becoming an assertive person makes you better at not caring about these hurtful behaviors, and getting neurotypicals to leave you alone, but the pattern itself rarely stops entirely. That'd require your autism/ADHD leaving your brain.

Neurotypicals do everything in their power to make the neurodivergent person become insecure nervous wreck with avoidant and self sabotage tendencies. They will keep destroying you like this over and over again, with a cute smile on their face. Posing as a best friend, as concerned colleague, as friendly coworker. Convicing you it's all in your head.

ADHD: Inattentive vs. ADHD-Hyperactive

Hyperactive Disorder (HAD)

i did not coin this, as this is a medical term

basically i thought "well, inattentive ADHD (ADD) has its own term, why not hyperacttive ADHD?" so i made this term!

flag made by us!

Jack very much displays signs of Hyperactive ADHD. From being impulsive to getting obsessed with something and forgetting everything else. Hyperactive ADHD tends to only affect people born male and gets most attention because they are usually extrovert and can’t sit still Jack has all of these.

Sally very much as well shows signs of Inattentive ADHD Sally gets lost in her thoughts and has a very hard time connecting with others. Inattentive ADHA tends to affect people born female. This type of ADHD is very much more internal where it can be more hard to diagnosed. Sally tends to keep to herself even when she’s in a group setting.